#yes...folx...we are back at it again.....

[claraxbarton]

2024 (hrpf writing) in Review

So, looking back on 2024 and the things I wrote, I just wanted to take a moment to be kind to myself I guess and shout-out my 10 favorite fics I wrote this last year.

The list also has a few of my thoughts about the fics, just because like, I want to.

All below the cut - but first! Thank you so so so SO much to everyone who took the time to leave a comment on any of my fics. I can't say enough how much it means to know folx are out there reading and thinking and feeling about my words.

In no particular order, my favorite 10 fics I either started or finished in 2024:

Gold Rush MattDrai, E, 47k. The fic where Leon is very grumpy and very bitchy and very dumb, and also outed against his will and also against his will falls for Matthew Tkachuk. This took more research than I anticipated, because for some reason I am SO fixated on trying to make my fake things fit into canonical timelines. I think I did a good job developing Leon's voice - both in dialogue and internally. It's so difficult for me to write text message things and yet this fic is SO MUCH OF THAT. I think one of my all time favorite comments was on this fic, someone saying that they actually confused my Leon-press dialogue with real Leon-press and that... made me so happy.

Playing Favorites LarsDunn, E, 15k. Adam has a favorite camboy and then that camboy turns out to be a real person who gets a real job with the Kraken. (oh wow, this fic is like the NY Rangers worst nightmare, eh??) Anyway. Probably my first longer hrpf fic??? Technically started in December of 23, I feel so bad that it took 8 months to finish. Thanks everyone who stuck with that one. This fic let me indulge in my favorite thing - previous Adam/Leon, which will always be so so so close to my heart. I think this fic, like most Kraken centric fic (and like not even mine, how many of us get all heart eyes when we think about her?, was written because of the amazing support of @dwisp.

Each Night MattPoMo, E, 3k. Technically I'm listed the entire series, currently at 3 parts and currently the third is still a WIP. Matthew as a sex worker, Paul still comes to Florida to coach the Panthers. I'm enjoying getting to have Paul work through human feelings, Matthew being a brat, and, of course, all the miscommunication. Seriously am I capable of writing a fic that DOESN'T involve miscommunication? Unlikely.

As It Began WyJoMiro (and WyJoRoope in the series and of course WyJoMiroRoope), 4, 2.5k. Okay, of the 4 fics I'm listing, three involve sexwork. Huh. Moving along. Miro mistakes/assumes Wyatt is a sex worker and that, of course, leads to a four year relationship between Wyatt and Miro and Roope (yes again this is really listing the series and not just the one fic). Really enjoyed getting to write the different POVs with each installation, exploring how all three of these freaks evolve and, oh wow, MORE miscommunication??? In MY fic??

Say Yes (To Heaven)NateJo, E, 55k+ - the first WIP to make the list (which, for those of you wondering, WILL get updated this next week). Okay it's been five months of writing this one, a biological BDSM inspired by the amazing and foundational works of @angry-geno-is-score and @droumack. There's just something about Jo and Nate that is SO compelling, no matter the setting, but like, getting to play in this kind of world setting is fun and painful. I think the things I've enjoyed the most are bringing in outside perspectives - like Sid, and even Nate to an extent, and just trying to unwrap all of the mess.

Heavy Focus McMattDrai, M, 2.7k. Space-opera with space brats Matthew and Brady. This was silly and fun and like, I won't say it's the BEST thing I wrote in 2024, but it WAS one of the fics I had the most fun writing. And I know I skew angst like, maybe TOO hard, but, sometimes it IS fun to write the fun things.

Soft Rock WyJoRoope, RoopeMiro, E, 5.6k. Speaking of fun4fun. This WAS just silly. I'm so lucky that @coffeehound91 lets me shout about things, and we'd been shouting about a LuckyNumberSlevin WyJo thing and she had the great line about WyJo killing Bettman with a butterknife and well, it just unspooled into this fic. And like, let's be real, ALL of my fics that feature Wyatt, Roope and Miro in any combination are entirely the fault of CH and like, I am SO so grateful.

French Exit MattOthers, T, 5k. Another bio-BDSM fic. Another series. I just really love to write BratKing Matthew who is actually a total pushover and this series was really fun to write, because who doesn't want to write feral Panthers things and Matthew finding peace and success there lol.

Deep End NateJo, E, 3k. An a/b/o fic and it is... I still maintain, really, really filthy. I don't think I've ever written something that makes me yikes myself as much as this one does, so it's not a favorite for like, reasons that make sense. But still, this was a sharp turn for my usual and I did it. So. Good job me?

Greatest Hits LarsDunn, LarsLeon, DunnLeon, E, 1.7k. Okay, actually, why have I not further explored these three? I know I wrote several fics when them when I first started in hrpf at the end of '23, but I have move away from them and I just really think THIS fic was so much fun and the dynamics to explore between these three are... a lot.

OKAY that's my 10 favorite fics I wrote for 2024. Again, comments and the kudos and bookmarks mean so much. AND the asks!! Thanks to everyone who sends in asks -UTD anon and others, looking at you <3.

For 2025 I want to finish up the current 14?15? WIPs I've got going, and of course along the way write a lot more.

<3

(seems wild to solicit feedback but like, if you have opinions on my 2024 work I certainly won't NOT want to hear them. Or read them.)

[the-good-projxct]

Feb 25th, 2024

10:22pm. Listening to Say Yes by the one and only Michelle Williams ft Bey and Kelly. 

Sitting up in my room in Karen. I got back yesterday mid morning. I love doing rounds with Aunty Bome. Like she is very similar to Mom in the ways that she shops, expresses and spoils us. She also gave me lots of solid advice and wisdom. I really enjoyed and appreciated my time with her. I came home and chilled with SweSwe, Karimi and Moka wa Mwiti. Mbete came home so I spent some time with her as well. She is cool, young and creating her own world. I liked that she came to see grandma on a Saturday night for the night. That is wholesome. Couldn’t have been me at that age but I appreciate what she did. Today is a family day around here so I went downstairs around noon. I walked out of my room and SweSwe was there so we had a little kiki upstairs. Honestly, me and this old lady go together real bad. Maybe it's a Virgo ting. Maybe it's that I am  her grandbaby. Maybe it's the Meru bonding. Maybe it's her love for my dad. Maybe it's her love for my mom. But my LAWD, we go together realll bad. She is becoming one of my favorite people day by day. The fact that she has chilled out on her sterness also helps A LOT. Party gyal me and her did not get along. But we are Gucci now. Anyway, by the time I went down, the house had cousins, uncles, aunties, elders and staff. It is pretty nice but it is also a lot of socializing. And yo, I can do it for a limited period of time before my brain gets exhausted then I am irritable or uncomfortably quiet. Our family dynamics also feel like game of thrones. Like, the mind games, competition, wahala is a lot and I ain't in it, I ain't with it but I know I am a pawn. So being mindful is so key and having to be extra mindful for a long time because no one is trustworthy is insane and exhausting. So after like 2 hours, I was tired. I got my only friend in the house and we went to the mall. We got latte’s at ArtCaffe. Walked around, checked out clothes and perfumes then went to buy chicken masala for SweSwe. By the time I got home it was supper time and folx were leaving. I went upstairs and Shaka called me. We chatted for a little bit. I miss that dude. I am looking forward to seeing him in a few weeks. Mom and LoustaLousta are coming in a week. If our family is GOT, my mom is like the Queen Mother in Wakanda. No one can mess with me as long as she is near. It’s like the ultimate play. So I don’t talk back, I don’t start nothing, I don’t respond/react to nothing. And if anything bothers me enough, I tell mom and whoever bothered me gets an emotional beheading from KaMami and SweSwe. Soooo yeah, I always win so I don’t even play. Also, all this is happening on my dads side of the family and he is so removed from it. I truly Love that for him. But I also Love that my mom is the don in my fathers mothers house. I found a cute little vendor at the hub that sells African style fits. I am gonna buy a few because I really don’t like my closet right now. I have nothing dressy, just sporty/casual. Which is fine because that's the vibe I was in while writing the Gøod manifesto. Now I feel cute again, sexy, African and I wanna flex that. My tan is back. My skin is GLOWING. I am an African sun baby again. Munene is supposed to be here in a few days and I am nervous. Like nervous, nervous but happy. I missed him and I can��t wait to see him, be near him. We are Gøod. Life is Gøod. I am Gøod. Ase. Ase. Ase

[imaginarianisms]

i& was thinking about this for a hot minute &. the reason why i& don't have sansa as the consort of anyone, even if she would end up as queen of westeros in the process like she would have been had she stayed wed to aegon vi, is specifically because she's supposed to be the matriarch of the family after robb perished at the red wedding. she's intended to be the queen that brings a golden age to the north with all the power of the north to herself during her lifetime. sansa's gonna be full of herself & attention seeking all she wants, she loves attention, she loves feeling beautiful, indigenous girls and women are Never shown in jewels, they're never compared to legends like beyonce or marilyn monroe, we never see them in sexy dresses & walk down red carpets or be the shining star & pinnacle of femininity, indigenous girls & women are literally almost Always reduced to stoic characters & the noble savage trope, native girls & women deserve to walk down runways like beyonce, they deserve to be on vogue & be beautiful without any bullshit inspirational quotes & wisdom spouting stereotype charity cases for nonnative & especially white people to consume, indigenous girls & women deserve to be seen as regal & graceful the same way that so many white women are, they deserve to be smiling & covered in flowers & to be covered in riches that were denied by white folx who tried to make us like them.

but most importantly, possession of her becomes equated with the possession of winterfell which is why the tyrells attempted to marry her off to willas tyrell & the lannisters forcefully marry her to tyrion lannister & littlefinger to steal her away for his own political machinations, & sansa's children can be used by her husband's family to attempt to take control of winterfell. whoever marries sansa stark owns her in all but name as long as she is a lady, not just her own autonomy & her body, but whoever marries sansa gets access to winterfell & the north & thus access to her culture.

sansa's entire storyline begins with her father lord of winterfell eddard stark essentially trading her to robert in exchange for the king's trust & bc of the patriarchal society, the horrible truth is whoever is the head of the stark family essentially owns the right to sansa's body & its reproductive abilities. so ned transfers these to robert & upon both of their deaths, the lannisters immediately seize control of her & her rights as the richest house in the realm & later the tyrells attempted to steal control of sansa & littlefinger actually successfully does so. then once sansa is back in the north & her family is in control of winterfell again, the right to determine her future will also return to the head of the stark family. which means that if anyone other than sansa - jon, bran, rickon, even her sister arya ( although bran won't be ruling winterfell, he's disabled & can't have children because of it, rickon's too young & wouldn't care about politics anyway & arya is more foreshadowed to be a nymeria figure leading a group of people off to lands like the west of westeros ) - ends up controlling winterfell, sansa will never gain control of her own body & future, she'd have spent her entire life as someone else's pawn & a vessel for others' goals & dreams of greatness.

now i& hear some of y'all saying "but they'd never do that!!!! they only have her best interests at heart!!!!!" ok. just like her father did at the beginning of the story right. yes, ofc they love sansa but even if they promised her that she'd remain single if she wanted to, there's no guarantee that whoever rules winterfell won't change their mind & ask her to marry for the good of the family. even if they promised her that right to choose her own husband, all it'd be is simply a transference of ownership. if her husband died before her, her future would either pass onto her son or back to the head of the family. so no, she won't end her story as a political pawn of a family member, nor will she end her story as someone's consort; she becomes free to control her own marriage & her own reproductive choices by becoming the head of the stark family. she doesn't remain lady of winterfell, either, because as a vassal to the king ( or queen if we're going with daenerys targaryen here ) in the south, she still doesn't retain that control because her liege could still force her into a marriage she doesn't want, not unlike how robert used his power as king to pressure ned into accepting the betrothal between joffrey & sansa despite robert knowing Exactly who joffrey was. sansa stark i becomes queen of the north in her own right.

[irishbamb]

It’s good to know that it’s fine when things go in an unintended direction, because you can always start over again. Keep calm, take the next-best option and move forward. TIME

[thefifthsister-notactive]

Secrets

Post Series

“Mommy?” 

Kate smiled at her little boy, tucking him in tighter and sitting back, waiting for the usual arguments as to why he’s not even tired yet.

“Daddy has already read you your story, we already made plans for tomorrow, it’s bedtime Reece.” She tucked his Spider-man doll in next to him, pulled up his Avengers bedspread and pushed back the hair from his eyes to drop a kiss. “Good night peanut.”

“You know how you da police?” He began.

“Yes.” She sighed.

“Do you gets to work with Spidey?” He looked at her with such quiet wonder and hope and she couldn’t help but lean down and rub noses with her silly little man. 

“Do you really think that if I got to work with Spider-man, I wouldn’t tell you?” Kate laughed. “Or that Daddy wouldn’t have told everybody we’ve ever met that he got to work with an Avenger?”

Reece let out a huff. “Mommy, it's gots to be a secret.”

Kate smiled down at him. “It would be a secret. But you’d be able to keep it, right?”

He looked at his Spider-man and back at her. “No.”

She laughed. “I don’t get to work with Spider-man. Or the Avengers. Or Batman. I would never get to come home to see you and your brother and sister, would I? And Daddy would constantly be trying to borrow suits from Iron Man.”

Reece laughed. “Daddy wants to be Batman.”

“I know,” Kate grinned. 

“No superheroes?” Reece checked.

“Not in my case,” Kate replied. “If that changes I’ll tell you and it’ll be our secret, ‘kay?”

Reece smiled, lifting his arms up for another hug and she gave it to him, pulling the covers up once again and pressing a kiss to his head. “Good night peanut. I love you to the moon and back.”

“Night Mommy. I love you to da Deathstar and back.”

________________________ Happy Spider-man Day folx!

[quinntamsin]

*Checks her scope and grappler. The Clan emblem painted over right of her helmet is freshly retouched.*

Clan is important to the Mando’ade, to the Mandalorians. For Boba Fett to build a sense of comaraderie with his underlings is understandable. And this brings us to another flash back episode, and one I’ve waited for a bit, when Fennec finally teamed up with Boba!

Over the years Boba has teamed up with Aura Sing, Asajj Ventress, and I’m going to adore this episode.

SPOILERS AHEAD FOLX!

The Book of Boba, Episode 4 “The Gathering Storm;”

Alright, we pick up just after the revelation of the invasion of the pykes. Boba is recovering one again in his Bacta tank and we delve deep into his past again. This time we see him morn the loss of his adoptive tribe of Sand People, and track the swoop game of weequay to Jabba’s old palace. Fortuitously, as he mulls over the attack he encounters and saves the life of Fennec Shand. Another scene with the local mod kids (love the fact we have fucking greaser mod swoop bikers on Tatooine) and the guy who ends up using cyborg parts to save our leading lady.

Ming-Na is just amazing as Fennec shand be it angry soccer mom bounty huntress in keeping Omega Safe in the dad batch OR being the right hand of Boba. A lot of this particular episode uses particle effects. One thing I am liking about this series is that it seems they’re making a try to avoid oerusing some CGI.

Now the acutal combat scenes are about as solid as we acn expect from this show (aka better than a few others out there) and it all feels good. The right level of grit and beige is dusted over everything in the scenes from the fight to take backthe Slave One to Boba actuall escaping.

A hurriedly and outright rushed sense of achievement exists between Fennec and Boba. Shand just wants to see where the hell this old bastadr is going and Fett just wants sa methodical murder montage, a bit of both worlds when it comes to the bounty taking life. We get a fly by of him killing the idiots who ravage his Tusken friends and a weird scene with the sarlacc. Which reminds us that fucking sand krakens are no damn joke. Bombing it and having it almost eat the ship was a nice touch.

And we get another fireside discussion between Shand and Fett. The idea of founding a House gives us more ideas of wat he wants from his synidcate.We flash back to boba removing hiself from the bact tank. HIs armor sits carefully arrange like something out of the feuding families of the Middle Ages. A nice touch and we cut back to Krrsanstan sitting in a catina driking his woes away. This is the wookie that looks like Chewbacca’s pissed off big brother.

Like seriously, if you want to know what Chewie would do rocking a goth punk look from mad max, Black Krrsanstan is your fucking Wookie! I know I shouldn’t root for a dude ripping off a guys arm, but Trandoshans did enslave his species so we’ll ignore that cruelty.and skip to our godfather proving scene. The Aqualish, Trandoshan and the Klatooine all agree to remain neutral. Hopefullly, only a few heads will roll in the coming battle.

Then we hear the infamous sound used for Mando and yes we are totes getting a blood cameo for this series!

Hottakes

Okay, the mod scene on Tatooine is pretty interesting and I wan tto see ore of his retro greaser types.

Fennec Shand is Momma of this fucking House!

Growing threat of the Pykes is a nice lead up to a Mando cameo!

Little bits and pieces on how the underworld works is pretty awesome.

Black Krrsantan’s rampage was pretty murderous and adorable.

[tlcwrites]

Two Hearts Make a Whole

Prompt: “Kiss me again, like you mean it.” Photo prompt below.

Summary: NYC Pride is for celebration, and occasionally, long-overdue revelations.

Word Count: 2,001

Tags/Content warnings: Marvel. Stucky. If you have a problem with it, there's the door. SFW. Slight TFATWS spoilers so read at your own risk. Platonic Reader. Two idiots in love. Technically canon-divergent because I'm still in my everyone-is-alive-and-in-this-timeline happy place that I will never ever leave fuck you very much Russo brothers but not AU. Found family. All the feels. Complete and total LGBTQ+ support. Lots of bad language words because #me. Un-beta'd.

Author’s Note: Okay so yes this is technically 4 weeks late for @autumnleaves1991-blog's Writer Wednesday weekly challenge. BUT, it was incredibly important to me to finish this one before Pride month is over. Made it by the skin of my teeth.

Happy Pride, y’all. If you’re out, you’re amazing. If you’re closeted, you’re amazing. However you identify is valid and important. Trans folx are LGBTQ+. Bisexuals are LGBTQ+. Ace folx are LGBTQ+. Anyone who identifies or thinks they may be as queer is LGBTQ+. All are welcome in the family. You have the right to choose your pronouns and we have the responsibility to use them. Live whatever your truth looks like to you and love each other. Love is love is love is love. If your family doesn’t accept you for you, I’m your mom now and I’ve got mom hugs available on demand. Homophobes and TERFS can fuck off and roll in poison ivy. Always punch Nazis. Pride shouldn't be limited to the month of June. And don’t you dare forget that Black and Brown trans women were the ones who rioted at Stonewall, and we owe everything to their bravery. Don’t forget that much of popular ‘gay’ culture was appropriated from Black women. And for more facts about Pride that you should absolutely know, Rawiyah Tariq (@ mammyisdead on Instagram) has a phenomenally good overview.

“Oh my god.” You gasp loudly. "Oh my GOD. Is that-"

“What?!” Instantly in First Avenger Protective Mode™️, Steve surveys the crowd, wishing he had an actual shield instead of the screen printed one on his shirt. “What is it?”

You gasp again, smacking Sam’s arm repeatedly. “OHMYGOD IT IS HOLY FUCK.”

“First; ow.” Now-Cap rubs his bicep. “Second; clue in the class before Steve has an aneurysm, please.”

Vibrating with excitement doesn’t begin to describe your current state. “HER ROYAL HIGHNESS MISS LEMON MERINGUE IS STANDING RIGHT FUCKING THERE.”

With the finesse of a shampoo commercial, Bucky's dark locks fly as he whips around. “What?!”

“RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE.” You abandon a relieved Sam and latch on to Bucky’s vibranium arm. “Oh my GOD I love her so fucking much.”

“She was robbed, absolutely fucking robbed,” he agrees, craning his neck to get a better view. “Divine Tension’s lip sync was shameful.”

Sam glances at Steve, who is slowly coming out of protector mode. “What the ever-loving hell are they talking about?”

“RuPaul’s Drag Race.” Nat flicks more confetti at both Cap-the-former and Cap-the-current. “They watch it every week.”

“Really, Steven, for a guy with enhanced super senses, you miss a lot.” Tony hefts a bedazzled Morgan higher on his back. The toddler, accompanied by Scott playing air-piano on the ground, sings along with the ABBA song being blasted at full volume through the street. Tony continues as if this is an everyday occurrence. “Why do you think both of your People disappear every Friday evening?”

Ears pink, Steve mumbles something.

“What?!” The only other one with hearing enhanced enough to hear a murmur over the cacophony of several thousand people belting out the chorus of ‘Dancing Queen’ at the top of their lungs, Bucky turns to stare at his friend. “You thought we were datin’?”

Steve’s blush extends down his neck.

You and Bucky stare at each other for a moment before you both collapse on each other, exploding into stomach clenching, thigh slapping laughter.

“I’m gonna guess that’s a ‘no’?” Clint confirms with Nat.

“Oh, a big ‘no’.” She watches affectionately as you and Bucky calm down enough to look at each other, breathe for a second, and both promptly dissolve into hysterics once more. “Like, the biggest ‘no’.”

Sam crossed his arms across his chest, his stoic stance so reminiscent of Steve it’s amusing (as well as a beautiful disparity to the sequined crop top he’s sporting. Oof, those abs.). “How do I not know about this?”

“Because you’re not a former super spy?” The usually-Black-but-today-Rainbow Widow tosses the last of her confetti at Tony, who spins a jubilant Morgan into it. “Or because you and that leggy barista from the lobby coffee shop are too busy playing hide-the-“

“-Baby Shark!” Morgan suddenly shrieks, flailing towards a guy on roller blades wearing a fin and tail (and not much else).

“Yeah,” Nat finishes with a smirk, “Hide-the-Baby Shark.”

Sam flips her a gesture that makes Clint laugh and Bruce sigh.

You and Bucky have finally managed to pull yourselves together. “Oh my god, Steven Grant,” you gasp, wiping tears from your eyes. “That’s the funniest fucking shit I’ve ever fucking heard.”

“Language!”

Steve glares at Tony. “One. Time. It was one. Time.”

Bucky slings his flesh arm around Steve’s shoulders. “Oh, punk. You may have perfect vision now, but sometimes you’re still as blind as you were before.”

Visiortn himself nods sagely. “Humans can be quite unperceptive when it comes to matters of the heart.” Vision casts a fond smile at Wanda, who is using her powers to make Pietro’s tinsel wig fly on and off. “Sometimes you have to look harder to see what’s right in front of your nose.”

A confused frown on that handsome face, Captain Clueless looks at Bucky. “Why do I feel like everyone else knows something that I don’t?”

His bestie sighs deeply. “Because, Stevie, almost everyone else on this planet knows that my tastes tend towards tall, blonde, blue-eyed knuckleheads who have zero sense of self-preservation.”

“And an ass you could bounce a quarter off of,” Scott helpfully supplies.

“And that,” Bucky agrees.

Steve frowns.

You press your palms to your eyes in vexation. “You, Steve. He’s talking about you.” (Seriously, how has this idiot survived for over a century while being so dumb?)

Whatever he was expecting, it was certainly not that. “He-“ The Man With A Plan gapes as he turns to his oldest friend. “You-“

“Me,” Bucky says gently.

Even though you’re slightly surprised that Bucky is going to do this in such a public forum, you can’t help but be so proud of your friend. It has taken a long time for Bucky to believe he deserves to be happy. There are days he still sinks into that dark place, where his inner demons whisper that he should have fought harder against his Hydra captors, and that his past actions were still somehow his fault. Those are the days no amount of baking or Modern Marvels will bring him out of his funk. You, Steve, Sam, and Nat have all held those strong shoulders as they shook with sobs, overwhelmed by the shame and horror at what his hands had done without his consent.

But he’s here. He’s free. And he’s smiling nervously at his best friend.

“I-” Steve is short-circuiting. “Me?!”

“Stevie.” With the kind of tender patience that can only be born of a lifetime of keeping (or attempting to keep) an idiot such as one Steven Grant Rogers from flinging himself headlong into every fight he comes across, Bucky moves his flesh hand to the back of Steve’s neck. His face is full of such soft affection that you almost want to look away for fear of intruding on this suddenly intimate moment. “What do you think ‘til the end of the line’ means, you idiot? You’ve been it for me since I was thirteen-years-old.”

Blue eyes are locked with blue eyes as Steve processes this revelation. “I-” He shakes his head as if to declutter his thoughts. “This whole time?”

“Since the first time I saw that asshole knock you down, and your scrawny ass climbed right back up.” A wry chuckle escapes as Bucky reminices. “You were ninety pounds soaking wet, and you stood there, against a guy who was three times your size, and never waivered for a second. It was magnificent.”

“I don’t like bullies,” is Steve’s quiet response.

Bucky’s grin is adoring. “I know, sweetheart.” He gently strokes the back of Steve’s neck with his thumb. “You’ve always had a heart way bigger than your brain.”

Steve is still back on the first part of Bucky’s admission. “If you’ve felt- if you-” He’s practically pleading. “Why didn’t you say anything then?”

Bucky shrugs, attempting and failing nonchalance. “It was a different time, you know?” He’s uncharacteristically unsure of himself, the subtle waiver in his voice revealing the anxiety born of a lifetime of being forced to hide his truth. “I mean, you remember how it was; you didn’t talk about, no one talked about- about being- about people like...” He swallows thickly.  “And I was so scared you didn’t, that you weren’t-” His voice breaks.

Even though you’ve all been emotionally invested in this love story for years, the entire team respectfully pretends not to listen as the former Winter Soldier quietly admits his deepest secret to his closest friend. It’s enraging as Bucky confesses yet another way he's been a victim of his circumstances, and denied his right to live freely without derision. Once more, you’re awed by his resilience.

“-it was a risk I couldn’t take,” Bucky finally gets out, that stubborn fire back in his eyes. “I couldn’t lose you, Steve. I couldn’t chance it. I could live with just being your friend and only your friend so long it meant you were in my life.”

Stunned silence meets the end of his confession. Steve’s face is impassive, those cerulean eyes uncharacteristically inscrutable.

You can all tell Bucky is heading steadily towards dread and heartbreak the longer Steve takes to respond. You and Sam exchange a look, both ready to intervene if Steve demonstrates any of the abhorrent attitudes that were so prevalent in the society of his youth. It would be completely out of character for him, but...

Finally, Steve speaks. “You’re telling me,” he says, his words slow and deliberate, “that you made me wait ninety-three years to tell me you’ve felt the same way about me as I have about you since the day you picked me up out of that alley?!”

The whole found family breaths a collective sigh of relief as Steve pulls Bucky even closer, broad chest to broad chest.

“Okay, to be fair, you were an ice cube for most of that time and I wasn’t exactly available for a relationship.” Bucky’s grin stands in contradiction to his mullish defense. “But yeah, that’s the gist of it.” There’s the Bucky you all know and love, biting his lip with those perfect white teeth. “Now, punk, I’d really like to kiss you now, but first I need you to say you want me to.”

“You-” Steve’s throat works as he attempts- and fails- to rein in his emotions. “You jerk.”

And then the Star Spangled Man seizes the president of the Sometimes-Former-Assassins Club by his ridiculously perfect face and crashes their mouths together.

At any Pride event, seeing two men kissing is, obviously, to be expected. But seeing The First Avenger and The White Wolf attempting to swallow each other’s tongues is not at all routine. As people realize what is happening, the crowd is whipped into a frenzy the likes of which is usually reserved for the aftermath of sporting events and elections that defeat fascists.

Watching the two men embrace, Scott sniffles loudly. “I’m gonna cry, I’m so happy.”

He’s certainly not the only one. Wanda has a watery smile as she wraps her arms around Vision and Pietro; Pepper, Tony, and Bruce are watching with fond parental energy; you and Sam sandwich Peter between the two of you, grins practically splitting your faces. Even Nat’s eyes look suspiciously shiny and she and Clint sling their arms around each other with platonic affection. And that’s not counting the several thousand people who are cheering for love being love being love being love.

When they finally break their embrace, the Centennial twins are startled to see they’ve collected quite an audience.

“Uh, so…” Suddenly bashful, Steve glances back to his- partner? Boyfriend? Soulmate? Is there a word that can accurately describe two people who have found each other time and again in a world that seems hell-bent on keeping them apart?- his ears practically maroon with embarrassment. For a guy with one of the most-recognized faces in the world, Steve is still incredibly and endearingly uncomfortable with attention. “Buck?”

Bucky seems just as stunned as Steve.

Thankfully, the masses demonstrate the usual support that’s the hallmark of Pride. “LOVE IS LOVE!” someone screams in the crowd. It’s quickly echoed, and chants fill the park.

The attention momentarily off them, the former Winter Soldier and his giant himbo of a soulmate look back at each other. You pretend not to watch through the happiest tears as they embrace again, bringing their foreheads together. The relief they share is palpable, as they’re finally able to show the world- and each other- the love they’ve each hidden for so long.

Bucky’s voice is so soft you have to strain to hear it. “You have no idea how much m’in love with you, Stevie.”

“Pretty sure I do,” Steve answers, bringing a hand up to carefully wipe the tears from Bucky’s face. “‘cause it’s as much as I love you, Buck.”

Bucky's answering grin can only be described as saucy. “Then kiss me again, like you mean it.”

And Steve, for once in his long life, does exactly as ordered.

---

A/N: “The Sometimes-Former-Assassins Club” is from Starry_Emerald173’s BRILLIANT The Avengers Wrangler over on AO3. If you haven’t read it yet, drop what you’re doing and do so immediately. Make sure you're not drinking any liquids, or your keyboard/phone may be in peril.

[minuteminx]

Preston Garvey and Asexuality

Alrighty folx, I have had notes for a post scattered about for a while now, just waiting to have the time/energy/motivation to write it, and what it turns out I needed was an impetus. I recently watched Oxhorn’s Preston analysis on YouTube (I know, I know three years late! I KNOW), and while I’m not here to drag him because his analyses are always generally on point, I took some of his notes about Preston’s character and romance to my core, which is what I’m here to talk about. 

For those of you all who don’t know me, or who haven’t known me for very long: Hi, I’m Allison and I am asexual.  It’s taken too many years to learn that about myself, especially when we’re baptized in hetero- and allo-normativity as soon as we’re born.  I’ve especially found that media is particularly bad about portraying asexuality, and that people often react to it in a negative way because they don’t understand it.   

While no doubt unintentionally so, Preston is one of the first romanceable video game charactes who felt like true representation to me.  I am sad that I didn’t play this game when it came out because of that.  Of course I have my ace!Preston headcanons, but watching Oxhorn’s reaction to Preston’s romance made me realize that the way fans react to Preston is also so relatable and I just really wanted to talk about it.  I’m going to put the rest behind a read more to save everyone’s feed. 

I’m not going to lie, I was surprised when Oxhorn’s video went from an amazing, in depth, and on-point analysis of Preston’s character to an explanation as to why Preston is not an attractive romance option.  I was waiting and expecting the typical “oh, he’s too nice” or “oh, he’s so boring,” or “RADIANT QUESTS.” And those reasons came, but the initial explanation he provided is the following (paraphrased because I can’t bring myself to rewatch the video to find it):

Preston is one of the most admirable men in your entourage, and that's what makes him unattractive.  It's good to have someone love you because they admire you and what you do, but it's better when someone loves you because they crave you.

He goes on further to explain how Preston seems to “overlook” all of those “physical,” “animalistic” components that are “essential to romantic love.”  He also says that his sincerity and devotion to the Minutemen make him feel as if he is not a very well-rounded person, and therefore he could not possibly be good at loving another human being (Lol WHAT?).This is followed by a montage of all of Preston’s Lover’s Embrace lines as proof of his lack of understanding of romance. 

Again, I’m not here to blast Oxhorn.  I really like a lot of his content, and I honestly don’t blame him for making these assumptions.  For some 99% of people, those would be fair assumptions to make; however, the very things he criticizes Preston for in love, are the things that make him one of my all time faves.  

In talking to a buddy about this, the point came up that there is always some sort of self-representation in the characters that become “those” characters for us, and the reason that I choose to romance Preston is not because he’s a beautiful man (he is, but so are other characters!).  It’s because to my eyes, Preston loves how I love. 

Asexual folx often get a bad rap for being frigid, boring, unaffectionate, standoffish, undateable, naive, weird, alien, robotic, and any other adjective I’ve heard thrown at me and other aces over the years.  People who experience sexual attraction react viscerally when someone is not sexually attracted to them. It feels like an affront. How, after all, can you love someone and not be  sexually attracted to them?

Lack of sexual attraction, however, does not mean lack of physical attraction, romantic attraction, emotional attraction, sexual desire, or sexual behavior (at least not for all aces.  Some people are repulsed by sex, but others are indifferent or even favorable to having sex!  It’s just an activity that people who date sometimes do, right?)  Anyway, the lack of sexual attraction or even the lack of desire to have sex does not mean that asexual people are unaffectionate, undateable, or that they need and want companionship any less. It also doesn’t mean that they are incapable of loving other people and meeting their needs too. 

So, anyway, back to Preston....

I knew that I was going to romance him when I first met him.  Actually, I worried that he wasn’t romanceable when I first met him and had to rush to the wiki to make sure that he was.  He just gives off ace vibez.  While it’s not a solely asexual trait to be attracted to someone based off of who they are and what they do, rather than “animalistic” reasons (honestly that comment is offensive to allosexual people too.  I date an allo person and he is not like that??), I could immediately tell that Preston would be that kind of person. 

In completing his romance, the flirt option we get is to give him a compliment, to tell him that you learned to be a good person from doing what he does. You don’t make any suggestive remarks, winky winks, or anything.  And all of his affinity talks are him telling you how awesome he thinks you are.  (It can actually become somewhat of a “you,” “no you,” “no you,” “no you to infinity” type deal sometimes which is cute af). 

Then when you ask him if he’s ever thought about being more than friends, he says “If you’re asking if I’ve ever thought about you romantically, the answer is yes.” Romantically. Which you may take it for what it is OR you may take it as this being a man who hasn’t envisioned you naked.  He hasn’t thought about what it might be like to sleep with you (aside from literally sleeping with you).  This is someone who admires you, who wants to be with you because he thinks you’re like, the coolest person ever. You make him happy. (Again, none of this exclusive to ace people, but it is pretty characteristic of ace-spec people who have romantic attraction). 

Preston is surprised that you love him back. Oxhorn’s theory is that he feels unworthy of the affection of his personal hero, which I agree with. I also think that it can be attributed to the fact that he’s not accustomed to being “enough” or for having enough to offer to a romantic partner. Another rather ace-spec characteristic. 

Something that also stood out to me, which Oxhorn used as evidence of his boring, lack of animalistic desires, is the fact that only one of his Lover’s Embrace remarks could even possibly be construed as sexual in nature. “Mmm. That was nice.” Which could mean the sharing of a nice, intimate moment with the person he loves OR just a good sleep. That man does not sleep enough, and you can’t tell me he does.

All of this to say that I am clinging so hard to this asexual headcanon because it means a lot to me, and it’s important!  I didn’t really realize how much until I watched this video that basically used arguments against Preston that have been lobbed at me throughout the years. (And this is not even to mention all of the “one-dimensional character,” “nice is boring” remarks that Sent Me). It made me feel some sort of way and I wanted to talk about it.  /End Rant. 

[ucflibrary]

Pride Month has arrived!

While every day is a time to be proud of your identity and orientation, June is that extra special time for boldly celebrating with and for the LGBTQIA+ community (yes, there are more than lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender folx in the queer community). June was chosen to honor the Stonewall Riots which happened in 1969. Like other celebratory months, LGBT Pride Month started as a weeklong series of events and expanded into a full month of festivities.

2021 is also the 5th anniversary of the Pulse nightclub shooting in Orlando where 49 members of our community were murdered on June 12, 2016. On the main floor of the John C. Hitt Library there will be display cases with items from the University Archives relating to Pulse memorials as well as a display wall honoring the lives lost. Both of these library memorials were created in partnership with UCF LGBTQ Services. UCF will also be hosting several events in June to help the community remember, grieve and grow stronger. Full listing of events is available on the Pulse Remembrance event calendar.

Additional Pulse memorial events will be hosted by the onePULSE Foundation.  An memorial archival collection from the first anniversary of the shooting can be found as part of the Resilience: Remembering Pulse in the STARS Citizen Curator collection.

In honor of Pride Month, UCF Library faculty and staff suggested books from the UCF collection that represent a wide array of queer authors and characters. Click on the read more link below to see the full list, descriptions, and catalog links. There is also an extensive physical display on the main floor of the John C. Hitt Library near the Research & Information Desk.

All Adults Here by Emma Straub Emma Straub's unique alchemy of wisdom, humor, and insight come together in a deeply satisfying story about adult siblings, aging parents, high school boyfriends, middle school mean girls, the lifelong effects of birth order, and all the other things that follow us into adulthood, whether we like them to or not. Suggested by Rachel Mulvihill, Downtown Library

 All the Young Men: a memoir of love, AIDS, and chosen family in the American South by Ruth Coker Burks & Kevin Carr O'Leary A gripping and triumphant tale of human compassion, is the true story of Ruth Coker Burks, a young single mother in Hot Springs, Arkansas, who finds herself driven to the forefront of the AIDS crisis, and becoming a pivotal activist in America’s fight against AIDS. Suggested by Megan Haught, Student Learning & Engagement/Research & Information Services

 And the Band Played On: politics, people and the AIDS epidemic by Randy Shilts An international bestseller, a nominee for the National Book Critics Circle Award, and made into a critically acclaimed movie, Shilts' expose revealed why AIDS was allowed to spread unchecked during the early 80's while the most trusted institutions ignored or denied the threat. One of the few true modern classics, it changed and framed how AIDS was discussed in the following years. Suggested by Becky Hammond, Special Collections & University Archives

 Big Gay Adventures in Education: supporting LGBT+ visibility and inclusion in schools edited by Daniel Tomlinson-Gray A collection of true stories by 'out' teachers, and students of 'out' teachers, all about their experiences in schools. The book aims to empower LGBT+ teachers to be the role models they needed when they were in school and help all teachers and school leaders to promote LGBT+ visibility and inclusion. Each story is accompanied by an editor’s note reflecting on the contributor’s experience and the practical implications for schools and teachers in supporting LGBT+ young people and ensuring they feel safe and included in their school communities. Suggested by Terrie Sypolt, Research & Information Services

 Call Me By Your Name by André Aciman The sudden and powerful attraction between a teenage boy and a summer guest at his parents' house on the Italian Riviera has a profound and lasting influence that will mark them both for a lifetime. Suggested by Rebecca Hawk, Circulation

 Fun Home: a family tragicomic by Alison Bechdel Meet Alison's father, a historic preservation expert and obsessive restorer of the family's Victorian house, a third-generation funeral home director, a high school English teacher, an icily distant parent, and a closeted homosexual who, as it turns out, is involved with male students and a family babysitter. Through narrative that is alternately heartbreaking and fiercely funny, we are drawn into a daughter's complex yearning for her father. And yet, apart from assigned stints dusting caskets at the family-owned 'fun home, ' as Alison and her brothers call it, the relationship achieves its most intimate expression through the shared code of books. When Alison comes out as homosexual herself in late adolescence, the denouement is swift, graphic, and redemptive. Suggested by Michael Furlong, UCF Connect Libraries

 Gender Queer: a memoir by Maia Kobabe; colors by Phoebe Kobabe In 2014, Maia Kobabe, who uses e/em/eir pronouns, thought that a comic of reading statistics would be the last autobiographical comic e would ever write. At the time, it was the only thing e felt comfortable with strangers knowing about em. Maia's intensely cathartic autobiography charts eir journey of self-identity, which includes the mortification and confusion of adolescent crushes, grappling with how to come out to family and society, bonding with friends over erotic gay fanfiction, and facing the trauma and fundamental violation of pap smears. Started as a way to explain to eir family what it means to be nonbinary and asexual, this is more than a personal story: it is a useful and touching guide on gender identity--what it means and how to think about it--for advocates, friends, and humans everywhere. Suggested by Megan Haught, Student Learning & Engagement/Research & Information Services

 Heaven's Coast: a memoir by Mark Doty The harmonious partnership of two gay men is shattered when they learn that one has tested positive for the HIV virus. Suggested by Claudia Davidson, Downtown Library

 Hurricane Child by Kheryn Callender Born on Water Island in the Virgin Islands during a hurricane, which is considered bad luck, twelve-year-old Caroline falls in love with another girl--and together they set out in a hurricane to find Caroline's missing mother. Suggested by Rebecca Hawk, Circulation

 Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo Seventeen-year-old Lily Hu can't remember exactly when the question took root, but the answer was in full bloom the moment she and Kathleen Miller walked under the flashing neon sign of a lesbian bar called the Telegraph Club. America in 1954 is not a safe place for two girls to fall in love, especially not in Chinatown. Red-Scare paranoia threatens everyone, including Chinese Americans like Lily. With deportation looming over her father--despite his hard-won citizenship--Lily and Kath risk everything to let their love see the light of day. Suggested by Claudia Davidson, Downtown Library

 Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up with Me by Mariko Tamaki & Rosemary Valero-O’Connell All Freddy Riley wants is for Laura Dean to stop breaking up with her. The day they got together was the best one of Freddy's life, but nothing's made sense since. Laura Dean is popular, funny, and SO CUTE ... but she can be really thoughtless, even mean. Their on-again, off-again relationship has Freddy's head spinning - and Freddy's friends can't understand why she keeps going back. When Freddy consults the services of a local mystic, the mysterious Seek-Her, she isn't thrilled with the advice she receives. But something's got to give: Freddy's heart is breaking in slow motion, and she may be about to lose her very best friend as well as her last shred of self-respect. Mariko Tamaki and Rosemary Valero-O'Connell bring to life a sweet and spirited tale of young love that asks us to consider what happens when we ditch the toxic relationships we crave to embrace the heathy ones we need. Suggested by Sara Duff, Acquisitions & Collections

 LGBT Health: meeting the needs of gender and sexual minorities edited by K. Bryant Smalley, Jacob C. Warren, K. Nikki Barefoot A first-of-its-kind, comprehensive view of mental, medical, and public health conditions within the LGBT community. This book examines the health outcomes and risk factors that gender and sexual minority groups face while simultaneously providing evidence-based clinical recommendations and resources for meeting their health needs. Drawing from leading scholars and practitioners of LGBT health, this holistic, centralized text synthesizes epidemiologic, medical, psychological, sociological, and public health research related to the origins of, current state of, and ways to improve LGBT health. Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services

 Lived Experience: reflections on LGBTQ life by Delphine Diallo  A beautiful series of full-color portraits of LGBTQ people over the age of fifty, accompanied by interviews. Suggested by Jacqui Johnson, Cataloging

 Love is for Losers by Wibke Bruggemann When Phoebe's mother ditches her to work as a doctor for an international human rights organization, she is stuck living with her mom's best friend, Kate, and helping out at Kate's thrift shop. There she meet Emma. Phoebe tries to shield her head and her heart from experiencing love-- after all, love is for losers, right? Suggested by Pam Jaggernauth, Curriculum Materials Center

 Man Into Woman: an authentic record of a change of sex edited by Niels Hoyer This riveting account of the transformation of the Danish painter Einar Wegener into Lili Elbe is a remarkable journey from man to woman. Einar Wegener was a leading artist in late 1920's Paris. One day his wife Grete asked him to dress as a woman to model for a portrait. It was a shattering event which began a struggle between his public male persona and emergent female self, Lili. Einar was forced into living a double life; enjoying a secret hedonist life as Lili, with Grete and a few trusted friends, whilst suffering in public as Einar, driven to despair and almost to suicide. Doctors, unable to understand his condition, dismissed him as hysterical. Lili eventually forced Einar to face the truth of his being - he was, in fact, a woman. This bizarre situation took an extraordinary turn when it was discovered that his body contained primitive female sex organs. There followed a series of dangerous experimental operations and a confrontation with the conventions of the age until Lili was eventually liberated from Einar - a freedom that carried the ultimate price. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Research & Information Services

 On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong This is a letter from a son to a mother who cannot read. Written when the speaker, Little Dog, is in his late twenties, the letter unearths a family's history that began before he was born -- a history whose epicenter is rooted in Vietnam -- and serves as a doorway into parts of his life his mother has never known, all of it leading to an unforgettable revelation. At once a witness to the fraught yet undeniable love between a single mother and her son, it is also a brutally honest exploration of race, class, and masculinity. Suggested by Rachel Mulvihill, Downtown Library

 Queer Objects edited by Chris Brickell & Judith Collard Queer lives give rise to a vast array of objects: the things we fill our houses with, the gifts we share with our friends, the commodities we consume at work and at play, the clothes and accessories we wear, various reminders of state power, as well as the analogue and digital technologies we use to communicate with one another. But what makes an object queer? 63 chapters consider this question in relation to lesbian, gay and transgender communities across time, cultures and space. In this unique international collaboration, well-known and newer writers traverse world history to write about items ranging from ancient Egyptian tomb paintings and Roman artefacts to political placards, snapshots, sex toys and the smartphone. Suggested by Megan Haught, Student Learning & Engagement/Research & Information Services

 Real Life by Brandon Taylor A novel of rare emotional power that excavates the social intricacies of a late-summer weekend -- and a lifetime of buried pain. Almost everything about Wallace, an introverted African-American transplant from Alabama, is at odds with the lakeside Midwestern university town where he is working toward a biochem degree. For reasons of self-preservation, Wallace has enforced a wary distance even within his own circle of friends -- some dating each other, some dating women, some feigning straightness. But a series of confrontations with colleagues, and an unexpected encounter with a young straight man, conspire to fracture his defenses, while revealing hidden currents of resentment and desire that threaten the equilibrium of their community. Suggested by Sara Duff, Acquisitions & Collections

 Riley Can’t Stop Crying by Stephanie Boulay While his sister tries everything to help, a young boy isn't sure why he can't stop crying in this transitional picture book. Suggested by Pam Jaggernauth, Curriculum Materials Center

 Supporting Success for LGBTQ+ Students: tools for inclusive campus practice by Cindy Ann Kilgo This book aims to serve as a one-stop resource for faculty and staff in higher education settings who are seeking to enhance their campus climate and systems of support for LGBTQ+ student success. Included are theoretical frameworks and conceptual models that can be used in practice. Suggested by Terrie Sypolt, Research & Information Services

 The City and the Pillar: a novel by Gore Vidal Jim, a handsome, all-American athlete, has always been shy around girls. But when he and his best friend, Bob, partake in “awful kid stuff,” the experience forms Jim’s ideal of spiritual completion. Defying his parents’ expectations, Jim strikes out on his own, hoping to find Bob and rekindle their amorous friendship. Along the way he struggles with what he feels is his unique bond with Bob and with his persistent attraction to other men. Upon finally encountering Bob years later, the force of his hopes for a life together leads to a devastating climax. The first novel of its kind to appear on the American literary landscape, this remains a forthright and uncompromising portrayal of sexual relationships between men. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Research & Information Services

 The Invisible Orientation: an introduction to asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker Julie Sondra Decker outlines what asexuality is, counters misconceptions, provides resources, and puts asexual people's experiences in context as they move through a sexualized world. It includes information for asexual people to help understand their orientation and what it means for their relationships, as well as tips and facts for those who want to understand their asexual friends and loved ones. Suggested by Dawn Tripp, Research & Information Services

 The New Testament by Jericho Brown The world of Jericho Brown's second book, disease runs through the body, violence runs through the neighborhood, memories run through the mind, trauma runs through generations. Almost eerily quiet in even the bluntest of poems, Brown gives us the ache of a throat that has yet to say the hardest thing-and the truth is coming on fast. Suggested by Claudia Davidson, Downtown Library

 The Prophets by Robert Jones With a lyricism reminiscent of Toni Morrison, Robert Jones, Jr., fiercely summons the voices of slaver and enslaved alike, from Isaiah and Samuel to the calculating slave master to the long line of women that surround them, women who have carried the soul of the plantation on their shoulders. As tensions build and the weight of centuries—of ancestors and future generations to come—culminates in a climactic reckoning, masterfully reveals the pain and suffering of inheritance, but is also shot through with hope, beauty, and truth, portraying the enormous, heroic power of love. Suggested by Rachel Mulvihill, Downtown Library

 The Ship We Built by Lexie Bean A fifth-grader whose best friends walked away, whose mother is detached, and whose father does unspeakable things, copes with the help of friend Sofie and anonymous letters tied to balloons and released. Includes a list of resources related to abuse, gender, sexuality, and more. Suggested by Pam Jaggernauth, Curriculum Materials Center

 Tinderbox: the untold story of the Up Stairs Lounge fire and the rise of gay liberation by Robert W. Fieseler Buried for decades, the Up Stairs Lounge tragedy has only recently emerged as a catalyzing event of the gay liberation movement. In revelatory detail, Robert W. Fieseler chronicles the tragic event that claimed the lives of thirty-one men and one woman on June 24, 1973, at a New Orleans bar, the largest mass murder of gays until 2016. Relying on unprecedented access to survivors and archives, Fieseler creates an indelible portrait of a closeted, blue- collar gay world that flourished before an arsonist ignited an inferno that destroyed an entire community. The aftermath was no less traumatic--families ashamed to claim loved ones, the Catholic Church refusing proper burial rights, the city impervious to the survivors' needs--revealing a world of toxic prejudice that thrived well past Stonewall. Yet the impassioned activism that followed proved essential to the emergence of a fledgling gay movement. Fieseler restores honor to a forgotten generation of civil-rights martyrs. Suggested by Andy Todd, UCF Connect Libraries

 Transgender: a reference handbook by Aaron Devor and Ardel Haefele-Thomas This book provides a crucial resource for readers who are investigating trans issues. It takes a diverse and historic approach, focusing on more than one idea or one experience of trans identity or trans history. The book takes contemporary as well as historic aspects into consideration. It looks at ancient indigenous cultures that honored third, fourth, and fifth gender identities as well as more contemporary ideas of what "transgender" means. Notably, it focuses not only on Western medical ideas of gender affirmation but on cultural diversity surrounding the topic. This book will primarily serve as a reference guide and jumping off point for further research for those seeking information about what it means to be transgender. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Research & Information Services

 Transnational LGBT Activism: working for sexual rights worldwide by Ryan R. Thoreson Thoreson argues that the idea of LGBT human rights is not predetermined but instead is defined by international activists who establish what and who qualifies for protection. He shows how International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission (IGLHRC) formed and evolved, who is engaged in this work, how they conceptualize LGBT human rights, and how they have institutionalized their views at the United Nations and elsewhere. After a full year of in-depth research in New York City and Cape Town, South Africa, Thoreson is able to reconstruct IGLHRC’s early campaigns and highlight decisive shifts in the organization’s work from its founding to the present day. Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services

 Upright Women Wanted by Sarah Gailey Esther is a stowaway. She's hidden herself away in the Librarian's book wagon in an attempt to escape the marriage her father has arranged for her--a marriage to the man who was previously engaged to her best friend. Her best friend who she was in love with. Her best friend who was just executed for possession of resistance propaganda. The future American Southwest is full of bandits, fascists, and queer librarian spies on horseback trying to do the right thing. Suggested by Sara Duff, Acquisitions & Collections

 Walt Whitman's Songs of Male Intimacy and Love: "Live oak, with moss" and "Calamus" edited by Betsy Erkkila This volume includes Whitman's handwritten manuscript version of the twelve "Live oak, with moss" poems along side with a print transcription of these poems on the opposite page, followed by a facsimile of the original version of the "Calamus" poems published in the 1860-61 edition of Leaves of grass, and a reprint of the final version of the "Calamus" poems in the 1881 edition of Leaves of grass. Suggested by Rebecca Hawk, Circulation

[mauserfrau]

7. Topless and face-down, a kiss on the shoulder blade. Since you got me thinking about it, Amara. ;)

So this seems to be the person referenced in Chapter 3 if & Then We Were Nothing (NSFW)...

Yeah, she never should have picked up that photographer. Terrible life choice.

Not that there was anything wrong with photographers. The problem was that particular photographer. Nora Navi had a reputation that preceded her, at least among socially notable sapphic-inclined women.

Nora was also a six-two hard body Maquette-build with superfine silky black hair down to her ass and a pet feather lynx that was trained to ride around on her shoulder. Amara couldn’t have missed her if she’d wanted to, let alone tried.

She’d told herself she was having one drink with the woman to feast her eyes. Maybe she’d have two drinks and pet her kitty. She made it to three drinks and the kitty petting became a double entendre. Next thing, they were sharing the cover of Hot Folx and Amara hadn’t been back at her own apartment in a month.

(Since Amara had an apartment. It was knee-deep in the blue collar ward of Vhys City, a place in the Six Galaxies she found comfortably familiar when she wanted familiar things.)

Nora Navi lived out of a space yacht with a wine tug. She was old money leftover from some long defunct corporate empire and had used her share of a nigh-incalculably fortune to fuel her career and herself.

Her most famous images had been taken with a camera embedded in her left hand. She also featured an editing rig built into the associated arm. It projected the commands across her skin and made her glow at weird moments in bed since Nora Navi also had insomnia and would work and smoke and mou for hours even after the intimate encounters and hot baths. Wine kept her awake and most sedatives did nothing.

Amara found her sleeplessness adorable. She could lie awake for hours, watching her fight with herself. Such dedication to her work and to her many causes: corporate abolition, the New-Old Religion movement, veteran support and feather lynx conservation. She even started getting in on Amara’s own personal crusade uplifting others.

Nora honestly did conjure the most amazingly touchable images with that camera of hers. It made so much sense she carried it in her hand instead of either eye. Amara watched herself soaring and crashing and punching and picking street people out of flood waters. She didn’t usually find images of herself erotic, but her and Nora had some quality playtime over Nora’s images of her. Amara could feel that woman’s hot desire for her in the way said woman took her picture.

And took her picture.

And took her picture.

And took her picture.

And that was the problem with Nora Navi. There was literally no way to separate the woman from her art. Her obsessive dedication would have put a strain on any relationship.

Amara had eight-handedly taken out entire cartels. She figured she could handle a love language quirk like excessive pictures of herself munching on lime leaf candy.

She’d been lying in their bed after a rub down that had gotten very sexy indeed. Nora was still on her, sliding against her back, her teeth and lips intruding here or there, her fingers straying through Amara’s hair. The camera click did not surprise or bother Amara. But then, there were a lot of those.

“What are you doing back there? A study of my back? Ha!”

“Maybe,” said Nora, “I’m trying to see.”

“See what?”

“If it’s any different where your other arms come out.”

“They don’t come out. They’re always out. What changes is if I’m using them.”

“Huh?”

Amara hadn’t rolled over. She had tilted her head enough to see Nora’s pretty, flushed face and to smile at her. Her own love language, besides favors and gifts, contained attempts to talk about her Siren-nature, something she normally played close to her chest. “They’re part of my consciousness. You remember how to put on lipstick, but you’re not doing it right now.” The comparison was somewhat inspired by the fact they’d kind of dumped Nora’s purse out all over the bed in search of their favorite pocket vibe.

Nora moued. She picked up a lipstick. She twisted that lipstick.

Amara hoisted her up with one of her arms. Nora laughed and almost dropped the lipstick. She let herself be turned over and spun, her camera clicked along the whole time. “Ah! That’s so cool! I had no idea!”

“It’s hard to explain if you haven’t got it, but you do kind of got it.” The phasehand pointed to Nora’s lens. Nora laughed again. “Or maybe if you ever stopped taking pictures! I swear you do it in your sleep.”

Amara at least relaxed after that. Nora stayed up until near chronological dawn, drifting off when Amara got up to start her morning routine. She remembered, that had seemed like a beautiful occasion, the start of something more. This was the instant Amara accepted that she’d be getting crystal violets for garnish with her fried banana blossoms for the rest of her life.

It wasn’t many more instants though before that scenario began to splinter.

Amara hadn’t been meant to see those pictures of her back. In fact, they were so close and so filtered she took them for shots of marble planes at first. Only the file names that gave them away. There was something clinical and creeping, something that made her imagine erosion to the images and that was why she thought of marble the way she did.

And that something wore off onto Nora too, the next time she saw that pretty smile of hers.

Amara knew then. All those other women had been right.

People who get rich taking pictures of humans suffering don’t quite see humans as people.

One more time she tried to tell herself: well, I’m not exactly a people. We should live in our bubble together, me and this strange girl.

But she could not shake those pictures of her back and the late night sounds, the click-click-mou of what should have been her lover began to wear on her like a thin trickle of dread.

The two of them didn’t so much break up as wind down. In another month, she was back in her apartment explaining to one of her travel brokers that yes she was single and she wouldn’t mind picking up a room on a singles cruise if it was cheaper. That sounded like fun.

Then she didn’t really go looking to see how the end of the affair got reported. Nora stopped calling. People stopped asking Amara about her.

Amara didn’t regret Nora. She didn’t really do regrets . The happy memories remained that: happy. And she decided that someday she might share them with another lover as a part of her life she usually played close to her chest.

But she could still feel that one kiss to the back of her shoulder. It still made her clench all eight of her fists.

[robertsheehanownsmyass]

I would love a season 2 Klaus smut with a female reader, please! *sigh* He's so damn pretty!

Chiming Doors

S2 Klaus + Fem!Reader

Warnings: filthy smut! some strong language, practice safe sex folx

You sighed into another deep kiss, tongues probing, lips swollen from being nibbled upon. I can’t believe I’m doing this, you thought to yourself. I’m not this kind of girl. I never do this. Nevertheless, the creature who entered your diner ten minutes before the end of your shift was stunning, and if you didn’t take this boy home with you, you knew you’d regret it forever.

His mouth moved down your jaw and to your neck, kissing, nibbling, sucking; leaving little red marks all over you. You moaned lightly; he was talented. His hands roamed your torso, ending at the hem of your shirt, which he hastily pulled over your head. He started fumbling with the straps of your skirt, and you began to work the buttons of his jeans. “Ah fuck it” he breathed, and opted for lifting up your skirt instead. You moaned as his fingers brushed your dampening sex through your cotton panties, and he teased the thin fabric aside. You hissed into his neck as a deft finger slipped inside of you while his thumb brushed your clit. He leaned you back onto the kitchen table (as you hadn’t managed to get to the bedroom), and slid his jeans down to his ankles in one fluid move. He was clearly ready; his erection stood at attention, and he paused, looking down at you with your skirt hiked up to your waist, wearing only your bra on your torso.

“Look at you. You’re beautiful,” Klaus sighed. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes, please” you practically whined. “Please.”

His emerald eyes gleamed as he positioned himself, and with one motion, he slid into you, filling you and stretching you. He leaned down and placed his hands on either side of your body, and he bit his lower lip as he slid almost all the way out before thrusting in again. You gasped and thought, god this feels good.

The two of you rocked together as he fucked you on the table, gasping and breathing erratically, the occasional loud cry escaping your lips. He lifted one of your legs over his shoulder, and plunged in deeper, hitting all the right spots, and you cried out again and again as he thrust into you. 

“God, Klaus,” you panted as you felt your orgasm approaching, and you locked eyes with each other. Just as you began to ride the wave of your climax his lips crashed onto yours, his tongue plunging into your mouth. You squealed as you came, sloppily sucking face and bucking erratically, legs shaking. Never before had you felt this good. 

He broke the kiss and stood fully again, fucking you to his own climax a minute or two later. His head fell back, long messy waves dangling past his shoulders, “Oh yeah,” he panted, and as he spilled into you, he sighed your name. 

“That was incredible,” he half-panted, half chuckled, as he helped you sit up. Your legs were still rather shaky.

“That's putting it mildly,” you replied in kind, “I think that was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

Klaus batted those dark eyelashes at you. “Well thank you,” he said, half-appreciative, half-braggadocio. “We will have to do it again.”

“How about now?” you asked, taking his hand and leading him further into the house as he laughed. “Only...can I screw you in my bed this time?”

“I’m not choosy,” he smiled, and you grinned as you took him to bed.

[writingonjorvik]

Can We Discuss Feminism? (pt. 3)

 Back at it again with everyone’s favorite topic: Gender equality and the political mechanics that go into putting out positive media representations of it. Ok, no, but I am going to be talking about like, actually political topics in how feminism is divided and characterized with feminist history, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t read it! Just might be a bit of a history lesson too.

I want to start by addressing SSO’s very first statement on this matter, because I think it’s important. When SSO launched, they said they weren’t going to add male playable characters because they wanted to make a space for women. And I talked about this in my genderlocking piece, but that still strikes a cord with me and I think we need to have that discussion. It shouldn’t be the final discussion, but it should be a discussion.

Media predominantly is genderlocked to males. Typically when a game is genderlocked to women, it’s either for very young kids kids OR it’s lewded for the (largely) male audience. And so there is something to be said about SSO being a game that is unapologetically in the feminine aesthetic focused on being a game for all ages that is about women. And I think that the conversation needs to be had that it is almost always these games like SSO where we see outcry about genderlocking and the expectation to uphold gender equality, but not so for games targeted at the male audience, or at least not nearly as loudly. And yes, the feminist movement has been the leading proponent of gender equality for all genders, but the expectation for only products aimed largely at a female audience to be held to a fully gender equal standard is in it of itself a double standard that we need to address. And while I feel for trans-men and non-binary folx being misgendered in SSO, I do think we need to acknowledge that better and hold the whole industry to a better standard on the matter, not just games like SSO.

That said, ending the discussion there is second-wave feminism. We are in intersectional feminism and the end point of intersectional feminism IS that all genders need to be equally represented. And so where that discussion does need to be had, and I think SSO should push it, it can’t end there. SSO needs to move forward with including more gender options when they have their character remodel and it can’t include genderlocking, because all companies need to do this if they don’t have fixed characters you’re playing as. Gender identity is important, and even if they can’t do neo-pronouns yet because of translation issues, having at least she/he/they as options should be the baseline moving forward and we should make sure all companies are held to that standard.

That said, I want to be fair and present solutions that have reasonable production turnarounds for the near future. The player remodel is years in the works, longer for the more gender options you have. So what can SSO do now?

First of all, pronoun tags. Even if the model doesn’t get updated yet, adding customizable pronoun tags that you can change anytime you want for the PC and set for horses is an important start that relies on technology already in the game.

While they’re at it putting in the coding for quests and generally doing another pass on quests since recent retcons have cut some things and left a few quests feeling a little jarring, start seeding that being a Soul Rider is a position you can earn and it’s not limited to the four Soul Riders we know now. Have the narrative actively challenge the traditions of the Keepers into being more inclusive as a narrative that needs to happen on gender equality with kids and teens.

One big step in this direction would be to make Justin a Soul Rider when he goes to South Hoof and connects with the Singing Yew. Expand the understanding of magic and introduce these questions early enough on that we start questioning what it means to be a Soul Rider as the Keepers insist on the traditional Soul Rider unit and where magic comes from and then follow up by traveling with Justin as he comes to terms with his new powers and his relationship with his mother and his recent choices to be someone who does good and THAT’s what a Soul Rider is following the Catherine journals. Use this to support Concorde being a mare and that not just being a bad plot hole and talking about this being about the soul and dedication and not just destiny and genderlocks.

I’ve already talked about this, but it is so important to move away from the current Soul Riders and introduce new ones. I love the main four, but as long as they are so central to the plot, the Soul Riders remain this reminder of a traditional centralized female led group. So while they should remain active agents in the story, we need to move towards recruiting more characters of more gender identities and make them active agents central to the story.

Not to mention, breaking down the Soul Rider being a limited four person unit makes way more sense for an MMO narrative and it opens it up to telling stories with your friends and other players in game without bending over backwards with canon. So like, by making these changes not only to you become more inclusive, but you also set up the groundwork for better game design in a multiplayer aspect.

I think the last easy thing SSO could do is add a choice of head accessory the player gets for free at the start of the game. None of these items give stats anyway, so it’s just a choice of a free option until the player models are redone. This way instead of just the helmet, players could choose between a pair of glasses, a head scarf, a hearing aid, a beard, and a mustache. All of these options should be free to pick up in Moorland so you can double/if you missed out, you can get them. But it’s a free way to add basic customization for people of multiple different walks with features mostly already in the game. Combined with pronouns, it’s a solution SSO could implement now to the game without a lot of coding.

And that’s everything for now. This topic is always going to be dynamic but it’s important to be had. Just be practical with the implication. Some of these are easier to add than others. An accessory shop could probably be added in a month using assets already in the game, but even updating pronouns would take months on the low end. Not to mention going back through the whole story to seed other gender changes. Push for change, always, but try to give steps that are achievable in the meantime.

[solocyclepolyamory]

Hook and Dagger

TW: Sexually explicit language, kink content

Recently Multiamory did an episode on the difference between NRE and limerence. I was so impressed with their explanation and all of the discussion and examples they gave. This entry is a continuation of my thoughts on that episode. If you are reading this and run into moments where you do not quite understand what I am talking about, hop over to whatever ap you use to listen to your podcast content and listen to: “Multiamory: 320 - Limerence and NRE: The Dark and Light Sides of the Force.”

Or, listen here:

https://www.multiamory.com/podcast/320-limerence-and-nre-the-dark-and-light-sides-of-the-force

 I recently met a human whom I had already met. I remember meeting them because I had been aware of their existence long before our first formal introduction. I am not the type of person to straight crush on a stranger. Normally if I feel compelled to introduce myself to someone I will. But this was different. It has always felt awkward and obvious; my skin burns bright red and hot, and incoherent sentences fall out of my mouth. My friends think it’s hilarious.

The first time I actually met this beautiful human was on a dance floor. I nervously introduced myself. As we chatted we both looked down at the same time and knocked heads. Great first impression. Over the last couple of years we have also shared space in a professional capacity. These events have landed us in close quarters and interacting a fair amount, and to be honest have left me feeling a little high. Apparently, limerence will do that. 

Recently we were present at the same wedding. I had spent the entire day in close quarters with this beautiful human, and for the first time that hormonal response seemed to melt away. We even shared conversation with another mutual friend later in the evening. I shared photos of myself from my fetlife account, tied and exposed, and felt completely comfortable doing so. Eventually, they prepared to leave for the night and on their way past me they crouched down and a hushed conversation was had. They explained that they were also polyamorous, cohabiting with a primary partner, and asked me if I wanted to get to know one another. I couldn’t help but laugh at myself as we exchanged numbers. Later that night, alone in my hotel room, I tied myself up and sent them a photo.

Since that evening I have been caught in what appears to be a game of cat and mouse. After a week of conversing and heavy flirtation they told me they had decided not to open up their relationship. We agreed to take sex and romance off the table and remain friends. Despite this agreement the flirtations have continued, leaving me feeling hooked on the maybes and what-ifs. According to the folx at Multiamory, this situation is flirting with the “darker side of the force,” and I am inclined to agree. I have been letting it steep at the back of my brain stove with intentions to think more about it . . . later. 

Last week I was out for lunch with a romantic connection where I witnessed an interaction between them and a person I did not know. The interaction very closely paralleled my limerent interactions with the beautiful human. In fact, what I witnessed was so similar that it left me feeling exposed and deeply uncomfortable. This stranger was openly flirting and pulling at my dates attention, and it was explained to me that my date had been crushing on this stranger for quite some time but this person had been explicit that they were only open to monogamy. As we proceeded to eat our lunch, the stranger started sending text messages to my date from across the restaurant. The first text was inquiring if the two of us were romantic or just friends. Once it was confirmed that we were romantically relating the next message that came read, “well stop messaging your crush then.” My discomfort immediately manifested as concern for the person sitting across from me. I gently inquired about the relationship that was spawning these interactions I was seeing, but was careful not to express my opinions about the motivations of the stranger involved. How easy it is to see things from the outside looking in.

The last thought I have on this topic comes from a tender place. The limerence podcast has left me pondering whether limerence may be partially responsible for the rumination that follows a break up. When my last primary partnership ended, we were left with messy ties to one another through my child. We had spent over two years building a family unit and when we broke up it was because of a fundamental incompatibility, not because we didn’t love one another. The uncertainty of how exactly to end our primary connection while maintaining the family connection left me in a state. I was constantly holding onto the hope that they would change their mind again and come home to us. The mismatch between the words being spoken and the ease at which we fit back together every time we were in each other’s company was confusing to say the least. When I examine this constant state of back and forth, the confusion I felt has obvious similarities to the how limerence leaves one standing on uncertainty about what is really happening on the other side of the fence.

The main difference for me when it comes to these two manic states of relating is this: New relationship energy comes with confirmation and is usually reciprocated, while limerence is a constant state of maybe. Limerence may even give a person power and opportunity for manipulation. They may appear interested, but in reality they may not be feeling the same type of attraction, may have no interest in rekindling the relationship, or in some more extreme cases, may be attention seeking or looking to cause harm. If I was able to stand outside of my limerent situations, would I feel the same way I feel about the interaction in the restaurant? It’s scary to think that the answer might be yes. So here I stand, with mixed feelings about how to proceed. Will I walk away from my limerent situations? Most likely not. Will you walk away from yours? Who knows.

And honestly, who am I to judge.

[dontcountyourwords]

When extremes go too far

Team Avatar comes to live with Korra on Airtemple Island, but that bliss is not to last. From a conversation of Korra being bummed out about not being able to airbend they go to “alright, let’s be vigilante heroes of republic city”. While I like their heroism, I regret them not taking examining this airbending block, instead brushing it aside. I hope it will come back in a future episode. This does show that Avatar Korra is not all-powerful, as her critics insist. Yes, she did get in touch with the other elements rather quickly. Indeed, she even seems very comfortable with fire, something that should be hard for a water-bender. However, she’s taking her time to show her full potential with these, possibly due to the sterile training she got at home. Interesting to see how yet again, Korra has difficulty learning the last element, much like Aang did.

Tarrlok is a total douche, that is plain to see. However, it surprises me that all other council members, save Tenzin, are entirely brainless. Amon is painting an “Us vs Them” story with benders vs non-benders. Surely they must realise that by locking up innocents (even turning off their power?) this only feeds the flames. If anything, they could recruit non-benders to help fight these equalists who are not hoping for an equal footing for everyone at all.

Team Avatar succeeded one night in stopping some equalists escaping, an endeavour in which Korra fairly enough remarks that Tarrlok was absent. (Btw Mako can lightning bend? Sweet!) It’s after this that the council imposes the above-named restrictions. Since Team Avatar got some press after their first act of vigilantism, I’m sure Tenzin should have been aware of this. He knew non-benders were not to be on the streets after dark. Knowing Asami is a non-bender, I’m surprised he didn’t warn them. Maybe he did, but we just didn’t see that. However, it would have been a nice addition to their characterisation that their sense of justice stands higher than their fear of Tarrlok. 

Tarrlok arrests all but Korra in Team Avatar, and she can do nothing to save the innocent by-standers. Korra can’t wait for Tenzin to discuss this matter the next day at the council meeting, so she takes matters into her own hands. Lo and behold, consequences: Tarrlok imprisons her, too, and sends her off. I must say that Korra fights more like an earthbender (and airbender?), rather than like a waterbender: she either faces Tarrlok’s attacks head-on, or tries to evade them. A water bender could for example dispel his icicles of pain into plain water and reroute it back his way. Korra punches them. Fits her personality, but not her main element. It’s cool to see though, that she is a lot more versatile in the elements, but she’s also a good deal older than Aang was, and had more time to train with them.

It is revealed that Tarrlok can bloodbend even when it is not full moon. Bit weird retconning here, I hope it gets addressed why this is possible. Korra gets some more flashbacks to what seem to be the trials I’ve seen referred to online. Theory: Tarrlok overpowered some folx at the trial with his bloodbending, turning some important tides. Possibly that’s part of the message Tenzin was talking about which Aang was trying to communicate to her.

In short, Tarrlok is a sleazy bastard with ulterior motives that most people still seem to support somehow. Can’t wait for him to get his dues from Amon. If they’re in cahoots, I wouldn’t be surprised if one would eventually betray the other.

[angelic-holland]

D’You Have A Car? // th x fem!reader

Summary: You and Tom go on a little day trip to the beach when he’s got a break from filming in Atlanta.

Part of my Drive North series, check out the rest of the series here. Listen to the song that inspired this fic here! Feel free to like, reblog, comment, and follow me for more content! 

warnings: nsfw, 18+ please, semi-public sex, kinky, unprotected sex (wear a condom folx), mild degradation kink

word count: 3.9k

“You got any room for me darlin’?” Tom asks as you pull up to the set.

“I don’t know Tommy, did ya wanna go on a little drive?” You ask, unlocking the door and getting out,  wrapping your arms around his shoulders as he drops his backpack and pulls you tight against him.  

“Come on baby, set me free,” he whispers in your ear before letting you go, tossing his bag in the backseat as you both settle in the front.

“Where’d you wanna go?” You ask driving away from the hotel.

“Well darling we’ve got all day, wanted to see the coast, maybe the boardwalk, maybe go swimming,” Tom shrugs as you pull onto the highway.

“Love that idea,” you say, grinning at him, happy he’s got this day away from the set to be with you.

“Gonna be like a 4 hour drive to the coast, that ok?”

“Course, you’ve got all of today and half of tomorrow off, we can go as far as that time will let us,” you say, smiling as his hand rests of your thigh.

“Thank you, you know, for getting me away from all the chaos of set, my trailer was feeling like fucking prison, couldn’t stand sitting in there while you were just traveling, wish I could be there with you.”

“Oh shut up Tom, you’re gonna film this movie and you’re gonna be Spiderman and everyone is gonna love you,” you laugh.

“Pssh, doesn’t mean I don’t wanna spend time with you.”

“I know, I’d rather spend time with you too, just, this is what you’ve always wanted, so you’ll always have me, you just needed to focus on filming. But now I’m here, and you’re free and we are gonna do whatever you want.”

“You know what’s something I’ve always wanted to do?”

“What?” “Fuck you on the hood of the car.”

“Tom!” You take a sharp breath as his hand moves up your thigh.

“What darling?”

“Don’t say things like that or I’ll run us off the road.”

“Oh? You don’t want me to fuck you on the hood of the car? Or you do? Am I making you wet just thinking about me bending you over and fucking you, knowing anyone might catch us?”

You take deep breaths as his hand moves to the inside of your thigh.

“Bet you’re absolutely soaked for me, huh? Can I touch you baby?”

“Please Tom,” you say, eyes darting between his hand which cupped your pussy over your leggings and back at the road.

“Gotta pay attention to driving okay darling? Don’t want you to get too distracted and drive us over the road,” he says, increasing pressure against you.

“Fuck, okay, I can do that Tom,” you whimper, hands tightening around the steering wheel.

“Already fucking soaking through your leggings huh? You know how I get when you wear these, don’t leave anything to the imagination, just wanna bend you over the nearest surface, tug them down, take you right there. You’d like that wouldn’t you? Always loved when we pushed the limits, when I tease you in public, you’re always begging for it, aren’t you darling?”

You let out a shaky breath, “fuck Tom, you know I love that, remember that time, when we were at your parents house, and you made me, fuck, made me, oh god,” you moan as his fingers rub your clit over your leggings.

“When I bought you those vibrating panties? Made you wear them at dinner with everyone? You were blushing like mad the entire time, fuck darling that was so fun, loved watching you try not to show how horny you were, you almost soaked through to the seat, think you’ll do that now? Fuck you’re throbbing against my fingers.”

You nod, thinking about the memory not too long ago. His fingers quicken their pace as you speed up.

“Careful Y/N, don’t want me to stop do you?”

“Fuck no don’t stop, please,” you whine, trying to focus on the road.

“Good girl, gonna come for me? Come when I’m not even really touching you? Gonna ruin your panties for me?”

You feel yourself come, moaning his name as you try your fucking hardest to pay attention to the road.

“Fuck didn’t know you’d be able to come like this darling,” Tom laughs, pulling his hand off your throbbing cunt and resting it on your thigh.

“Shit neither did I Tom,” you giggle.

****

You make it to the coast by 1pm, finding a place to park by the ocean.

“Wow it’s so nice out!” Tom yells as you both get out of the car.

“I know, you brought your suit right?”

“My suit?”

“Swim shorts dummy.”

“Yeah, let’s find a place to change,” he says, grabbing your hand as you walk down the beach.

He pulls you into a changing area and restroom.

“If I strip in front of you will you want to jump my bones?” You ask, locking the door behind you.

“Yes but I can control myself, maybe,” Tom mouth gapes as you take your shirt off, “no bra? How the fuck did I not notice that?”

“Guess you’re not very observant?” You laugh pulling out your bikini top.

You feel his hands squeeze your tits as you pull the top over your head.

“Thought you could control yourself,” you moan as he tugs your nipples.

“But your tits look so perfect, wanna play with them a little,” he smirks before leaning down and taking one nipple into his mouth.

“Fuck, Tom,” you whine, your hands slipping into his hair.

You groan as one hand slips between your legs, rubbing you through your leggings again.

“Still soaked from so long ago darling? Want me to make you feel good again?”

“Fuck, please Tom,” you whine, as he tugs your leggings and panties down.

“Be a good girl for me, can’t be too loud or someone will hear us.”

“Nobody’s here,” you whimper.

“Yeah because nobody else is crazy enough to go to the beach in like 45 degree weather.”

“Fuck,” you groan as he easily slips two fingers into you, his thumb rubbing your clit as his mouth goes back to sucking on your nipple.

You stood there and took what he gave you, biting your lip, not wanting to be loud in case someone decided to show up. You felt yourself get closer, being constantly on edge the entire ride.

“Gonna come for me darling? Gonna come all over my fingers?”

“Fuck Tom, almost there, please, just,” you whine, gripping his hair.

“Come on, be a good little slut for me,” he whispers, smirking up at you as you squeeze your eyes shut, coming around his fingers.

“Fuck,” you gasp as he pulls his fingers out of you, licking them as you get on your knees, tugging his jeans and underwear down.

“Gonna let me fuck your face like a good slut? Gonna gag on my cock for me?” He asks as you take him into your mouth, breathing through your nose as you take him to the base, nose pressed against his stomach as he tugs on your hair. You let him take control, fucking your throat as you try to steady your breathing, tears welling up in your eyes.

“Look so good like this, all fucked out, taking my cock so well, such a good slut for me,” he says as you open your eyes to look up at him.

He moans your name, his hips moving more erratically as his cock twitched in your mouth.

You moan around him, the vibration sending him over the edge, coming in your mouth. You swallow what you can, some dripping down your chin as he pulls out of you. You lick the head of his cock before he lets go of your hair, pulling his shirt over his head.

“Fuck darling, took my cock so well,” he groans as you use your thumb to pick up the leftover come and your own spit, sucking on it as you stand up.

“Let’s go swim,” you say, pulling your top over your breasts, your nipples still achingly hard.

“Fuck,” he mutters, grabbing his swim trunks from his backpack as you bend over to tug on your bottoms, wiggling you ass a little.

“Make me wanna fuck you right here,” he says, his hands grabbing your hips and pulling your ass back against his hips, his cock already hard again.

“What are you waiting for?” You ask as his lips kiss down your neck.

“Good point,” he laughs, one hand pulling down his swim trunks and the other tugging aside your bottoms.

He maneuvers you both so you’re gripping the sink, one of his hands guides his cock into your dripping heat while the other tugs your hair, forcing you to look at yourself in the mirror above the sink.

“Watch me fuck you, watch your face as you moan and beg for it like a little slut,” he says, his hips still.

“Fuck, please Tom, please fuck me, want you to make me scream, make me feel good, please Tommy,” you whine.

The way you said his name, Tommy, all breathy, made him want to come right then and there.

“Good girl,” he says, his hips starting to rock into yours, your hands gripping the sink harder.

“Fuck, Tom, always know how to fuck me just right, make me feel it for days baby, your cock feels so good inside me,” you smile, knowing he loves it when you praise him. His hips quicken their movement, his hand moving from your hair to rub your clit.

“Fuck darling, you know what you’re doing to me don’t ya?” He says his eyes meeting yours in the mirror.

You whimper as his thumb rubs harder on your clit.

“Gonna come on my cock? Fuck darling you’re absolutely soaked,” he grins.

You drop your head, watching his hand rub your clit and his cock fuck in and out of you.

You groan as his other hand wraps around your throat, tugging you up against his chest, forcing you to look at him in the mirror again.

“Fuck, like when I wrap my hand around your throat?” Tom groans, feeling you clench around his cock.

“Love it, fuck, Tom,” you stutter out as his grip around your throat tightens.

“Come on, be a good slut and come for me again baby girl,” Tom whispers.

You feel yourself come, practically on his command, gasping as he lets go of your neck, turning your head so he can kiss you as he comes.

“Holy fuck,” you laugh as he pulls out of you, brushing your hair back behind your ear and kissing down your neck.

“Yeah that’s probably an accurate response,” Tom laughs, grabbing his shorts.

You giggle as he tugs them back up and grabs your backpack.

“Here,” He says pulling out a towel, “clean yourself up, I’ll get another towel from the car for you.”

You take the towel and he kisses you softly before leaving the restroom.

****

The beach was empty, the water was fucking cold but you wrapped your legs around Tom’s waist and held onto him, your body heat keeping each other warm.

“You know something I’ve always wanted to do?” He asks, kissing you between words.

“What?”

“Fuck you in a pool or the ocean or something.”

“No way that’s like breeding ground for a UTI dumbass.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, But you can fuck me in the car afterwards?”

“Mhmm, I like that idea,” Tom says, his hand moving from your thighs to your ass.

“Wanna get outta here?”

“Yeah, way too cold,” Tom laughs, letting you down as you two make your way back to your backpack and towels.

****

“Fuck, look so good like this,” Tom groans as you move yourself up and down on his cock above you.

“Yeah?” You smirk as he kisses down your chest, your fingers gripping his shoulders.

“Was scared you were gonna hit your head or something, but we fit,” Tom says before taking your hardened nipple into his mouth, his hands gripping your ass.

“Think, think this is my second favorite way for you to fuck me,” you whimper as he slaps your ass.

“Yeah? What’s your first?”

“Like when you tie my hands behind my back with your belt, spread my legs and fuck me from behind after you’ve spanked my ass raw.”

“Holy fuck Y/N, you know what that does to me.”

“Yeah it makes you come so hard, makes me come so good too Tommy,” you whimper as his hand reaches between your bodies and his fingers pinch your clit.

“Gonna come again? Come all over my cock for me? Thinking about me tying you and spanking you? You want that? Gotta get back to the hotel but for now, just think about how my hand makes your ass look so good? Nice and red, can’t sit afterwards you’re so sore. And you know what?”

“What?” You moan, burying your head against his neck, feeling yourself get closer and closer to coming.

“You love it, you love knowing that it hurts to sit because you’re my little slut.”

“Fuck, Tom,” you whine as he slaps your ass and you come, fucking down harder on him until he comes inside you and you slump against him.

He helps you off him and helps you pull your underwear and leggings back up as you tug your shirt over your head.

“Be back, gotta pee,” you say, kissing his cheek before jogging back to the restroom he had fucked you in earlier.

****

You get back and see Tom sitting in the passenger seat, “out, you drive.”

“Me? Driving? Don’t think I’m really allowed to here.”

“Don’t care, wanna give you a taste of your own medicine Tommy,” you laugh as he reluctantly gets out, kissing you in front of the car before settling into the driver’s seat.

****

You manage to suck him off while he’s driving and he doesn’t drive you off the road which shocks you both. You’re about fifteen minutes from the hotel when his hand moves from your thigh to cup your pussy.

“Fuck Tom we’re almost there, pay attention,” you say as your legs open wider to give him room.

“Okay darling, fuck yourself for me then.”

“What?”

“Fuck your pretty pussy with your fingers.”

“But, I-,”

“Do you wanna come tonight?”

“Yes fuck,” you groan as his hand leaves your body to grip the steering wheel.

“Then fuck yourself with those pretty little fingers of yours,” he says biting his lip.

You groan at his words, hand dipping into your panties, you blush as they swipe through your own wetness.

“Feel good baby?”

You nod, pushing two fingers inside and looking over at Tom.

His eyes were focused on the road and you used your thumb to rub your clit.

“Did I say you could do that? I said you could finger yourself, nothing about touching your clit.”

You whined but moved your thumb off your clit, looking over at him, his eyes hooded and dark.

“How’d you fucking know?”

“Trying this thing out where I’m being more observant,” he laughs.

“Oh fuck off,” you groan, fingers fucking into your pussy harder.

“Hmmm, I don’t know, I think you deserve a spanking for that, what do you think?”

“You’re already gonna spank me stupid,” you moan as you try to reach your sweet spot, your fingers not quite long enough.

“No darling,” he says, his hand wrapping around your wrist and yanking it out of your leggings causing you to whine, “I’m gonna spank that pretty cunt of yours till you’re dripping onto the bed.”

“Oh fuck,” you whine, about to bring your thighs together to relieve some tension but Tom stops you, his hand gripping your thigh and keeping them apart.

“Almost at the hotel, don’t wanna spoil the night huh?”

You roll your eyes, his grip tightening on your thigh.

The second you’re inside the hotel room and the door clicks shut he’s pulling you towards him kissing you hard as you back up towards the bed.

“Alright darling, strip for me,” he says as he pulls away, watching as you slowly pull off your top, followed by your leggings and panties which would probably need several washes to get your juices and the smell of sex out of them.

He watched you as you climbed onto the bed, ass up with your chest pressed to the sheets and your arms resting on your back, hands clasped together.

You take a few deep breaths as you hear him moving around behind you, gasping as his hands wrap around your own, lifting them up to wrap his belt tightly around your wrists.

“This okay darling?”

Always a gentleman even when he was tying you up and about to fuck you silly.

“Perfect,” you smile, the sheet against you cheek.

His hands spread your thighs a little farther apart and you have to make an effort to steady yourself without your hands.

“Look so good like this, all wet and puffy, gonna start dripping down your thighs, fuck, you’re such a good slut for me Y/N,” he says before smacking your ass lightly.

“Fuck, come on Tom, make me feel it,” you whine and you feel his hands move off of you.

“Tsk, don’t wanna hear you being a brat, what will we do huh?”

You hear him move around behind you again and then he’s kneeling by the top of the bed, holding your soaked panties up.

“Open wide darlin,” He says, grabbing your chin and shoving your panties into your mouth as you moan around them, “you love that don’t you? Taste good?”

He strokes your hair before moving behind you and pulling you by your arms against his chest.

“After you’re all fucked out and leaking my come, wanna take some pictures for us, show you how much of a slut you are? That okay?” He asks while kissing and sucking down your neck.

You nod, getting wet at the thought of him using those pictures when you’re not there to get himself off.

“Alright darlin, gonna spank you a little bit, make your ass nice and red for me,” he says, guiding you back down.

You jump forward as his hand slaps your ass hard. He wasn’t playing around tonight. You heard him counting softly as he spanked you, he always did, wanted to make your ass nice and red but didn’t want to push you too far.

Each time his hand hit your ass you moaned, sound muffled by the panties stuffed in your mouth, your pussy getting wetter and wetter. His movements slowed to a stop, his hands now rubbing your ass, which burned, making you whimper.

“You okay darling? Show my your fingers,” he says. You had a finger system when you were gagged, one for good, two for slow down, three for stop. You showed him one finger and focused on breathing out of your nose.

“Such a good slut for me, know what’s next?” He asks, fingers slipping down to your cunt.

You moan, knowing exactly what’s next.

“Fuck darling, so soaked for me,” he says, slipping one finger into your cunt as his thumb rubs your clit.

You feel his hand leave you after a few minutes of him slowly fucking you with his finger, you whine but he shushes you.

You scream his name, as much as you can as his hand comes down on your cunt, the pads of his fingers perfectly slapping your clit.

“Feel good baby? Show me your fingers,” he says, rubbing your cunt waiting for your response.

You show him one finger, pushing back against his hand.

“So needy, such a needy slut for me huh?” He says, spanking your pussy again.

You buck back into his hand, feeling yourself blush as he laughs.

“You’re dripping sweetheart,” he says as he slaps your cunt again.

You moan with each slap against your cunt, your clit throbbing with the sensation.

“What darling? Gonna come for me? Come just from me slapping your cunt? Fuck, that’s so hot,” Tom grunts, slapping your cunt especially hard, focusing on your clit.

You scream as you feel yourself get pushed over the edge, legs collapsing beneath you.

“Holy fuck,” Tom groans, fingers running through your juices.

He reaches around and pulls your panties out of your mouth and you moan as he slides his fingers into your dripping heat.

“Didn’t know I could do that,” you laugh, coughing a little.

“You okay?” He says, his other hand running up and down your side. He helps you get back into position.

“Yeah, want you to fuck me, please,” you say, moaning as his fingers slip out of you and he pushes his cock into you, wasting no time fucking into you.

Tom was on edge since you blew him a few hours ago, seeing you come just from spanking your pussy could’ve made him come right there but he held back, basking in the feeling of your tight heat wrapped around him.

“Fuck, so tight still, so wet for me, gonna fuck you nice and rough like you like it darlin.”

“Fuck, please Tom, fuck me like I deserve it, please, please please,” you whine as he pulls you back against his chest and turns your head to face his.

He kisses you, taking in your whimpers and moans as he hits your sweet spot. His arm wraps around your waist, other hand sliding between your folds and his cock, playing with your clit.

“Oh shit, Tom, fuck, ‘m gonna come again,” you whine, pulling away from his lips as he pinches your clit.

“Go ahead baby, I’m close behind, come all over my cock,” he whispers, his arm moving up to play with your tits as you push yourself back against his firm hips, the only sound in the room were your whimpers and his grunts.

He pushes you down against the bed, pressing your face into the mattress, and coming.

The feeling of him pulsing inside of you, not quite being able to breath, and his harsh movement on your clit sent you into an earth shattering orgasm, you screamed into the bed as he slowed his movements, hands pulling your hips up and your thighs wide as he slips out of you.

“Stay like that for me darling, gonna grab my phone,” he says as you feel the bed dip and him get up.

He stood behind you, taking a picture of all of your, getting your bound hands, your red ass, and your red and puffy cunt, his come dripping down your thighs. He moves closer, getting a close up picture of his come dripping out of your pussy, his thumb swiping through his come before helping you roll onto your back.

“Open up darling,” he smirks, holding his thumb out and filming as you suck his come off his thumb.

“fuck Tommy,” you groan as he moves the camera down your body, his thumb gathering more of his come before letting you lick it off his finger.

He sets his phone down after that, turning you back into your stomach to untie your hands.

“Are you okay darling? Wasn’t too much?” He asks, picking you up.

“Was Perfect Tom,” you giggled as he brought you into the bathroom.

“You clean up and I’ll clean the bed and get some food for us okay?”

****

“Missed you Tom,” you said, kissing his shoulder as he strokes your hair, laying in bed with a box of pizza.

“Missed you too love, don’t want to go back tomorrow.”

“Psssh, I’ll see you in a week, I think you’ve got enough material until then.”

“Yeah but my favorite material is right here,” he jokes.

“Shut up dork.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too Tommy.”

[wellesleyunderground]

Wellesley Underground Interview with Founders (Sara Hess ‘08 and Shavanna Calder ‘08) of Feminist Fashion & Beauty Magazine, MUJER!

Need a break from the politics? Dive into the making of Issue No.2 of MUJER! Magazine. Interview by Camylle Fleming ‘14.

1. Wellesley Underground (WU): Tell us about the origin of MUJER! Magazine and bring us up to speed on the November launch.

Sara Hess ‘08, Editor in Chief: MUJER! has been a long time coming for us. Ever since Shavanna and I were swapping clothes from each other’s closets when we were roommates at Wellesley, we’ve had an interest in fashion and over the years we’d often played around with the idea of doing a fashion related project together. MUJER! came about in late 2017 when I had reached a point of being really frustrated with fashion magazines (all of the ads and the Photoshop, the lack of any real content and focus on hyper consumption). I also was disappointed to see that several of the fashion bloggers I’d followed over the years and enjoyed for their authenticity were following the same route as they transitioned from blogs to Instagram and started posting highly stylized Photoshopped pics that were all sponsored and very phony. Finally, I had recently turned 30 and it then occurred to me that I was older than nearly all the models I saw in the major fashion publications, which is insane when you think about it. I told Shavanna what I was thinking of doing-- a feminist fashion and beauty mag, all models 25+, no Photoshop on their faces or bodies, more racial and ethnic diversity, a focus on more sustainable production and consumption and no ads. Shavanna is an amazing stylist and has a great eye for design so I was super excited when she agreed to be creative director. I was living between Mexico City and New York at the time. I had developed some contacts in the fashion industry in Mexico and really admired the fashion scene there, which is one of the reasons we went with the name MUJER! It took us about 6-7 months to produce the content for the first print edition which was published in September 2018. 

2.WU: How did fashion and beauty become sites of contestation and rebellion for you two?

Sara: I grew up in a small town in rural Pennsylvania and was constantly getting in trouble for breaking the dress code at my public school. It’s ironic because I was definitely a major nerd-- not your typical rebel. In junior high, I was really upset to find out I had not been accepted to the National Junior Honor Society. I asked one of my teachers why and he told me that it was because the shorts that I wore to school were often too short. Honestly, it was not my intention to be risque. I was just awkwardly going through puberty and had legs that were too long for my body and it was impossible to find shorts that were long enough and didn’t look dorky. After that, I went through a punk rocker phase, where again clothing is a form of rebellion. I was totally into the early Gwen Stefani punk looks. I would get picked on a lot by classmates but then a few months later everyone would be wearing what I had been wearing before, which would be my cue to change styles because I never wanted to look like everyone else. For me, it became a way to stand out and to push back against conservative influences. 

Shavanna Calder ‘08, Creative Director: I can’t say that I’ve thought of fashion for most of my life as a site of rebellion. I just wore what I liked and (especially as a kid) what was on trend.

I had hip surgery 5 years ago and have struggled to be able to wear heels after that. In some ways that forced me to rethink how to dress for formal situations (without heels). Though I am working towards wearing heels again through physical therapy (my profession requires it), I’ve found a certain level of pride in showing other women that we can still look dressed up/professional etc. without wearing heels. Also embracing flatforms has been fun! 

I think beauty, more so, has always been a site of contestation and rebellion for me as a Black woman. Growing up and having hair that was different than most of my friends. Makeup and hair supplies that we had to drive an extra distance for. Reading different magazines than my friends because teen vogue (at that time), seventeen etc never catered to me (thank God for Essence). Now, being natural, my hair oftentimes is a point of rebellion/contestation as I educate and ask for the things that I need as a Black artist instead of accepting the burden of sitting in silence. 

Founders Shavanna + Sara (above)

3. WU: On social media, you’ve discussed the initiative of “showing women as they actually exist in the world”. Can you describe some of the images you two grew up with and how they are in conversation with MUJER!

Shavanna: In some ways growing up when I did, I feel like I did get to see images of women (more often) without photoshop and a ton of contouring etc because that just wasn’t on trend. It’s one thing I miss about the early 2000’s. That being said, the rest of the content oftentimes centered around ways to get men, look flirty etc etc. For us I think “showing women as they actually exist in the world” goes beyond imaging to the content of the magazine (the stories and issues that are discussed) as well as the lack of harmful ads encouraging women to alter their bodies by buying certain products etc. We are able to highlight a diverse group of female identifying folx and the complexity of us instead of the monolith that I often see portrayed.

4. WU: What are the ways in which your Mexico City base contributes to the core principles of MUJER!

Sara: Mexico City is just my heart and soul. I don’t know how else to describe it. It makes me turn to mush as though I’m talking about someone I’m in love with. The creative and design scene here is out of this world funky and unique and I really feel that I can wear anything going out here at night. People are elegant and cool and put a great deal of thought into how they present themselves. The fashion scene is authentic and fun and nowhere near as pretentious as it is in other parts of the world. We try to reflect this creativity and sincerity in MUJER! as well.

Shavanna: Additionally I’ll say that people have really embraced us there. There is an openness, flexibility and sense of collaboration that has made it super easy to throw any ideas we have out there and run with it (more than I’ve seen in other parts of the world).

5. WU: For those of us who are new to publication production, can you walk us through the steps of creating content, finding models, artwork, all without the filler of advertisements?

Sara: We are also new to magazine production, ha! We started by basically bringing together people we knew from the fashion world here in Mexico City. I have a dear friend, Jenny. She’s a stylist from Sweden and was working on the sets of reality shows here so she kind of kicked me into gear to do the first beauty shoot. She had a lot of experience doing shoots so she helped me get a great photographer and scout a location and models. We’ve really been blessed with meeting all of the right people at the right moment. We found a wonderful lead graphic designer, Celina Arrazola who happened to know the neighborhood where all the printers are and was an expert in hand binding books. Advertisements were never an option so we self-finance the production, which was and is intense.

Shavanna: Yes, as Sara mentioned we’re incredibly new to this and are (honestly) still figuring a lot out as we go. However, generally we come up with ideas/stories together that excite us, that we haven’t seen in other fashion magazines. We then reach out to female identifying folx to help us realize these ideas (because we want to support female entrepreneurs as well). The hardest part will be figuring out how to make it sustainable (and take the more of the financial burden off of Sara) and we’re in the process of sorting that out the best way we can!

5a. WU: Okay, same question. Add COVID, go:

Sara: Now, because of COVID, our plans to do another print edition were derailed so we decided to do a digital edition-- everyone featured sent in their own photos and instead of printing we created a PDF version of the magazine, with Celina’s excellent graphic design of course.

It essentially made printing the way we did with the first edition impossible. That was a very manual process that involved visiting the printer in person multiple times and Celina handbound the magazine, with me struggling to be useful to her by folding the pages. This time we went all digital.

Shavanna: In addition we had to become creative since we could no longer conduct shoots or interviews in person. Everything was done via email (except for Sultana’s shoot which happened pre-COVID). All other photos were submitted by the women in the issue. Whilst I missed many aspects of being in person, in some ways the challenge allowed us to lean in to our mission of showing women as we truly are. It also allowed for us to have a remote intern via Wellesley which was awesome!

6. WU: How do you want to grapple with the plurality of feminism(s) in the pages of the magazine?

Shavanna: By being truly intentional about seeking out diverse voices. By celebrating those voices and by taking our readers feedback to heart. Outside of the folx who are interviewed or featured in our magazine we attempt to employ women in the creation of the physical product as well (design, photography etc). The end result is something that has been touched by women from various parts of the world and from different walks of life.

7. WU: Can you share the story of how the magazine gained its title? How do you respond to any pushback and claims of appropriation from Latinx individuals for your usage of the word “Mujer”?

Sara: For starters, we were founded in Mexico City and at least half of our readers are native Spanish speakers. The publication, like many of its readers, is also bilingual. For the interviews and articles that are originally done in Spanish, we leave them in Spanish, only translating key quotes into English and vice versa for pieces that are originally in English. The title is also a global call to women that goes beyond the English-language paradigm.

8.WU: The fashion and beauty industry can carry both an air of superficiality and apoliticism. Tell us what people get wrong about the experience of working within it.

Sara: I think this is hard for us to get into because we are not really working in the fashion and beauty industry-- we are working parallel to it and trying to pick the piece we enjoy while also creating something new and different for women that makes them feel empowered, not inadequate.

Shavanna: Yes neither Sara nor I really work within the industry (nor have we prior to the magazine). I’ve worked as a stylist from time to time, but that’s about it. For the most part we’ve been consumers who were unhappy with what we were consuming and figured we could do something about it.

9. WU: In an effort to not over-glorify the value of success and “making it”, let’s talk about failure. Can you share with our readers what went wrong in the process of producing MUJER!?

Sara: Before our Chilanga shoot, Shavanna and I got horrible food poisoning. Like, nearly had to go to the hospital.

Shavanna: Yes we were living on pepto bismol and had just started eating plain bread and pasta the day of our shoot, but we powered through! Honestly this magazine has felt like a contribution to society that we were meant to be a part of, so despite obstacles that have come up, we know that we can’t be sidetracked.

10. WU: How do you react to the “self-care” trend and it’s correlation to the consumption of beauty products? Relatedly, how do you two take care of yourselves?

Sara: I’m an introvert who fakes being an extrovert, but I definitely know I need alone time so I try to make space for that. As of late, I try to use more natural/ organic beauty products and just less of everything period. Also sleep. Sleep is so important. Finally, I’ve decided I will deal with drama in my professional life because I feel like that’s where I’m making a contribution that’s important but I try to minimize drama in my personal life as much as possible.

Shavanna: I try to take care of myself by reminding myself that rest is ok and necessary (so hard). Practicing my faith/meditation. Asking for what I need. Going to therapy (physical and mental health). Exercising. Connecting with loved ones (friends and family). Being kind to myself.

11. WU: As a follower of your Insta page, I find myself lingering on your original posts, staring into the faces of the individuals you capture. It makes me realize how my brain has been trained to see the same faces featured in public spaces, so much so that they’ve become invisible. Can you share the favorite photos that you’ve captured and why they stand out to you?

Shavanna: My favorite photos are of Wellesley alumna Solonje Burnett. I’ve always admired Solonje’s fearlessness and creativity and I think we truly captured her essence in these. Though she is beautiful, the interview is about so much more and highlights her as the complex, multifaceted woman that she is (instead of just her beauty routine or what her house looks like).

12. WU: What does the day in the life of an Editor-in-Chief look like? How about a Creative Director?

Shavanna: We’re very collaborative. I don’t think we really have hard and fast rules as to who does what necessarily as much as it’s a partnership. One of us will propose an idea (in between juggling the rest of our lives) and we’ll discuss pros and cons and greenlight what works best and aligns with our values. We also just hold each other accountable. Right now there isn’t a typical day in the life as well just because we both have other jobs (though it would be amazing for Mujer! to continue to take off in a way that allowed us to devote more time to it). 

13. WU: Both of you currently have worked with higher education institutions (Harvard + NYU). Can you tell us a bit about your “day jobs” and the types of opportunities they have afforded you in relation to the Magazine?

Sara: While I was working at HBS, I co-authored a case study on Monocle magazine which has helped to inform some of our thinking around the business model for MUJER!

Shavanna: I worked for almost 7 years at NYU, first at Stern and then within the Faculty of Arts & Science. In terms of opportunities? I’d say actually, for me, anyway the two aren’t related. My time at NYU influenced my acting career more so than Mujer! by giving me some flexibility and certainly financial stability.

14. WU: Lastly - a question you ask your features in the upcoming digital issue: how have you been gentle with yourself during this time?

Sara: Uff, I have been eating a lot of ice cream and taking breaks when I need to. I turned off the New York Times news alerts on my phone. I still read the news everyday but this has helped a lot.

Shavanna: Uff indeed. Hm sometimes I remind myself that the fact that I’m functioning is enough. This quote from Audre Lorde has been getting me through: “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” 

Working out and going for walks, journaling, therapy, being in touch with my spirituality, limiting myself on social media (or at least certain groups or accounts), listening to my body in terms of what it wants (whether that be food or change of environment). Talking to friends when I have the energy always brightens my day and constantly reminding myself to take things one moment/day at a time. This is all incredibly hard and I’m grateful to those who have been gentle with me when I struggle to be gentle with myself.

Check out the MUJER! Covid-19 digital issue here: https://www.mujerrev.com/mujer-sale Given the increase in domestic violence and gender based violence around the world during the pandemic, a portion of the proceeds from the issue will go to two organizations helping womxn that are survivors of domestic abuse and human trafficking: Women of Color Network - Blue Lips Campaign and El Pozo de Vida.

MUJER! Homepage: https://www.mujerrev.com/ MUJER! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mujerrev/