tf2headshotcanons

[tf2headshotcanons]

Better idea: Pyro is actually a swarm of bees hiding in a suit pretending to be human.

[tf2headshotcanons]

Pyro gender theory: They are actually a stach of cursed garden gnomes or something inside a suit.

𝙸𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚍? 👀

[tf2headshotcanons]

🎯 Guess What’s Open 🎯

【Ａｓｋｓ．　Ａｓｋｓ　ａｒｅ　ｏｐｅｎ．

【 ＢＲＩＮＧ　ＭＥ　ＴＨＯＳＥ　ＳＰＯＯＫＹ　ＢＵＭＰＫＩＮＳ　ＨＣＳ】

[tf2headshotcanons]

👀 Big Long Rant Thing 👀

𝙶𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚘'𝚜 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚍𝚢 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔, 𝚎𝚑? 𝙸 𝚐𝚘𝚝𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚘-

𝙸𝚗 𝚊𝚍𝚟𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎, 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚕𝚜𝚜 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙰𝚍𝚖𝚒𝚗 [𝚖𝚢𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏, 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢]. 𝙸𝚝 𝙸𝚂 𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚞𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐. 𝙹𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚊 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛!

𝚂𝚘... 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚘. 𝙰 𝚕𝚘𝚝. 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚙𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚒𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐. 𝚆𝚊𝚢 𝚆𝙰𝙰𝙰𝙰𝙰𝙰𝚈 𝚋𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐, 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚊 𝚋𝚊𝚍 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚎 𝚋𝚘𝚝𝚑 𝚙𝚑𝚢𝚜𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢. 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚜𝚘 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚠𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚔𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚙𝚒𝚝𝚊𝚕. 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚕 𝚋𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚜 𝚠/ 𝚊 𝚜𝚞𝚗𝚔 𝚒𝚗 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚖𝚊𝚌𝚑. 𝙽𝚘𝚝 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍- 𝚖𝚢 𝚏𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍-... 𝙻𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚝 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚝, 𝙸'𝚖 𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚢 𝚍𝚒𝚊𝚐𝚗𝚘𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚜 𝙱𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚎 [𝙱𝙿𝙳] 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙰𝚞𝚝𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚌. 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚢 𝚠𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝...? 𝙸'𝚖 𝟻'𝟼. 𝙸 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝟹𝟾𝚔𝚐. 𝙸'𝚖 𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝟻𝟽.𝟺𝚔𝚐. 𝙼𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚜 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚗 𝚜𝚘 𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚌𝚕𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚏𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗' 𝚜𝚒𝚝𝚌𝚘𝚖. 𝚂𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕, 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚘. 𝙸'𝚖 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚙𝚑𝚢𝚜𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚏𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚕 + 𝚌𝚞𝚛𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚕𝚢 𝚜𝚎𝚎𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕 𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚙 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚢 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚑.

𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚊𝚙𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚒𝚜𝚎. 𝙵𝚘𝚛 𝚏𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕. 𝙱𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎... 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎𝚗'𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎. 𝙸 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝙸 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚝 𝚠/ 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚋𝚕𝚎𝚖𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛. 𝙷𝚘𝚠 𝙸 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚜𝚙𝚘𝚔𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛. 𝙸'𝚖 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝙸 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝟻𝟶𝟶+ 𝙵𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚜 [𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍, 𝚊 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝟻𝟶% 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚗 𝚋𝚘𝚝𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸'𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚇𝙳]. 𝙴𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚊𝚢, 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚗𝚘 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚢 𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚒𝚝𝚞𝚍𝚎 - 𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚘𝚛 𝚗𝚘𝚝, 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚛𝚞𝚍𝚎.

𝚂𝚘 𝙸 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚘 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝙸'𝚖 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚏𝚞𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 [+ 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚢 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚞𝚛𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎], 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸'𝚖 /𝚒𝚗/ 𝚊 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚎... 𝙵𝚞𝚌𝚔 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚜 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚋𝚒𝚍 𝚇𝙳 𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗! 𝙼𝚢 𝚙𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚝 𝚒𝚜, 𝙸'𝚖 𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚞𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚊𝚜𝚑𝚊𝚖𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝙸'𝚟𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗. 𝙸'𝚖 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢- 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎 + 𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚕𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞. 𝚈𝚘𝚞'𝚟𝚎 𝚔𝚎𝚙𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐 𝚘𝚗 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚝𝚘𝚘𝚝𝚜𝚒𝚎𝚜. 𝚂𝚘 𝚃𝙷𝙰𝙽𝙺 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝚊𝚜 𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚕!

𝚂𝚘 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔? 𝚆𝚎𝚕𝚕... 𝙸 𝚊𝚒𝚗'𝚝 𝚌𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚝, 𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚝. 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚜 + 𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊 𝙻𝙾𝚃 𝚘𝚏 𝚁𝚎𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝟸 𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚔𝚜 [𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚎𝚡𝚌𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝-], 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚊𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚞𝚙 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝙰𝚜𝚔𝚜. 𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗 - 𝚊 𝚍𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚊𝚜𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐~ 𝚂𝚘 𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚗' 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚕𝚒𝚙𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎 ;𝚅

𝙷𝚘𝚠 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚐𝚞𝚢𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑? 𝙷𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚔!

𝙿𝚂: 𝚂𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚊𝚖𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚜𝚘 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚕𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 - 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚊 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚊𝚠𝚔𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚍 ;; 𝙷𝙾𝚆𝙴𝚅𝙴𝚁~! 𝙻𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚊𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝙱𝚕𝚘𝚐 𝚘𝚗 𝚊 𝙳𝚎𝚜𝚔𝚝𝚘𝚙! 𝙸'𝚟𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚊𝚖𝚙𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚎𝚛 𝚐𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙸'𝚖 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚝! 𝙻𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚠𝚒𝚜𝚎 𝙿𝙻𝙴𝙰𝚂𝙴 𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚌𝚔 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝙼𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝙱𝚕𝚘𝚐 @xflorallungs [𝚜𝚑𝚊𝚖𝚎𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚕𝚘𝚕] 𝚊𝚜 𝙸𝚟𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔𝚎𝚍 𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠/ 𝚊 𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖𝚎! 𝚂𝚘𝚘𝚗, 𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚢 𝚌𝚘𝚜𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢, 𝚏𝚊𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚘𝚗, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚟𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 - 𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚕𝚞𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚞𝚗𝚗𝚢 𝚐𝚊𝚖𝚎𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢! 𝙻𝚎𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚛𝚎 + 𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝙵𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 ^.^

[tf2headshotcanons]

The Life of a Heavy Main.

[tf2headshotcanons]

Reblogging for Hawaiian Shirt Sniper

How do you destroy fungus gnats?

Though admittedly, that is Pyro’s solution to all problems.

[tf2headshotcanons]

How would the mercs confess their love to their crush?

(I’m not actually sure if I’ve done this one before, but what the hell.)

Demoman~ They’re preparing for battle to start when he lightly boops them on the butt with the tip of his grenade launcher and tells them that hes ‘keeping an eye out for them’, before giving an overly-dramatic blink, since he can’t wink. It makes them laugh, and after the battle he says a bit more seriously that he really does look out for them, because he really cares for them.

Medic~ While checking/putting in their uber-implant, he gently lifts out their heart and examines it for a moment.

“Ah, look, your heart is in mein hands. I suppose zhats only fair, since mine has been in yours for a vhile now.”

He’s pretty nonchalant about it, but even under the medi-beam its obvious his cheeks are a little redder than normal.

Scout~ He’s a little sheepish as they’re walking around the base idly. It might just be sunburn, but he looks a little redder than normal. He just kinda blurts it out and looks away, like he’s been wanting to say it for ages but he feels like an idiot for not planning it out more.

Pyro~ Pyro invites them over and they hang out together in Pyros room. The share a few stories and chat a little, maybe reading some comic books or watching some TV. While in a quiet moment, Pyro  gently takes one one of their hands while with Pyros other hand, they lift up their mask. Pyro lightly lets his crush see and touch their face. Not much is said, but it shows how much Pyro trusts them.

Engineer~ He invites them to come into his workshop on a day off and they hang out a little. He works while they chat, maybe have a few beers. After a while he stops working and they joke around a little, sometimes with Engie playing guitar. When it starts to get late, and they think about leaving, Engie asks them to stay a little longer, and they can’t say no. He tries to serenade them a little with his guitar but messes it up a little due to his nerves. 

Its a case of ‘Aw, hell.’ before he learns over and kisses their cheek as he goes red.

Heavy~ He lightly knocks on their door one evening after a battle, and they welcome him in. Hes a little sheepish, but after a moment he grabs them and picks them up in a bear hug, holding them tightly. 

“Heavy, you alright?”

“Da….Just worried after battle today, wanted to check on you.”

“You…You know that you can do that without hugging me, right?”

He just squeezes them tighter and mutters. “Never want to let you go.”

Soldier~  Its rather sudden - they’re probably in the showers one day after battle and he grabs their chin and kisses them roughly, before silently going back to washing himself. Its the first time they’ve heard him be silent, and the first time they’ve ever kissed.

Sniper~  He just can’t seem to get to sleep in his van. He stumbles back into base in his undershirt and some old boxers to get some coffee, when he sees his crush sat at the breakfast/dinner/meeting table. He grabs a drink and sits with them, and they chat about why they can’t sleep. He almost doesn’t do it, but he blurts out that he can’t sleep because of them on his mind.

Spy~ .He comes into their room late at night after knocking. Its become fairly regular; the two of them chatting late at night as a means to unwind. There isn’t any touching, and usually they barely look at each other; its just talking, with sometimes a cigarette or two thrown in. After a while this time he looks over at them and watches them for a moment.

“Its strange, don’t you think?”

“Whats that?”

“Of all the people I’ve known, worked with, been with. You’re the one who I want the most.”

He says it very softly and its clear hes been calculating how to say it for a while. It anything, its sincere.

[tf2headshotcanons]

How would the merc react while watching/reading fifty shades of grey?

(Gonna go with reading since god damn that’s some awful writing!)

Soldier~ Soldier isnt the best reader, and asks Engie to read it out to him. After about three paragraphs, Soldier silently gets up and leaves the room. Its some time before he decides he ever wants to read again.

Sniper~

Pyro~ They manage to sit and read some before getting distracted and drawing on the pages and setting the book on fire. Somehow more books keep appearing in their room, and they all get the same treatment.

Scout~  He’s heard its a kinky adult book and sits to read it with the intent of getting off to it - hey, its the middle of the desert, theres not much else to fap to. He finds one or two parts to get off too, but feels guilty and dirty afterwards.

Heavy~ He refuses to read it. He hates the destruction of books, but if he sees a copy of it, he lets Pyro use it as target practice.

Demoman~ He reads it while blind drunk. Hes the only one who manages to literally read the whole thing, but he remembers none of it the next morning. Everyone is envious that he has no memory of it, the lucky asshole.

Medic/Spy/Engineer~ Since these three read quite a bit anyway, are familiar with bodily functions and have heard how bad it is, they get together and read bits of it out loud to each other. Everyone can hear awful impressions and laughter from Spys Smoking Room while they’re reading it.

[tf2headshotcanons]

TF2 has warped my beauty standards

I caught myself checking out a sketchy old farmer dude in parking lot cuz he was wearing yellow glasses and looked vaguely like Sniper.

Thanks TF2 fandom

[tf2headshotcanons]

[tf2headshotcanons]

I didn’t know The Spy made a cameo in Phineas and Ferb!

[tf2headshotcanons]

I just noticed something

When little Mun-Dee falls from the sky into a backyard in the outback, his soon-to-be adoptive father wears a moustache like the good australian he is:

But then, when we see him again in heaven through Sniper’s eyes, he doesn’t have it:

I always wondered why Sniper’s dad, being a true australian, didn’t have a moustache. Having finally noticed how he used to have one, now I think I know:

His son always had troubles being accepted because of how un-australian he looked, and when he had troubles growing a moustache like all the others, his father decided to shave so his son wouldn’t feel as much like an outcast. Despite never accepting his professional choices, Jonathan Mundy never stopped supporting his son.

[tf2headshotcanons]

Do you have any pet names for the Mercs?

(So these are more like…things I have called the mercs in conversation or shouted at them in-game to the screen. I also tend to call them names depending on the loadout I see them with.

As in, ‘Ugh, just got killed by a fucking…Kablewy dude.’ or, ‘goddamn fucking Spy Prick asshole.’)

Heavy~ The Hoov, Mister Picnic, Handsome Bear, general eating noises, Macho Macho Man, A Butt To Follow

Pyro~ Baby, Poot, a general ‘HHhhhhhhnnnnk’ noise

Soldier~ Shouty, Nyyaarrrghh!, Toots (as in he toots his horn),  general yelling noises, Captain America if the freezing process backfired, Patches

Demoman~ Ka-blewy, Badoosh man, MELEEMELEEMELEE, The Less Annoying Nyoom.

Sniper~ Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaall, Super Pro Butthole, Stabby Mc Stab Stab, Vest

Medic~ Handsome Gramps, Coat, Twinneedle, Dr Waltz, The Hand From Surgeon Simulator Gone Wild

Scout~ The Child. Annoyance, Speedy Speed Boy, Shooty Patootie, The More Annoying Nyoom, Wanananananana.

Engineer~ Pancake Stack, Nope, Lil’ Fucker, moveyourfuckingsentryDICK, Knifewrench (For Kids!)

Spy~ *Obnoxious French snorting noises*, Prick, Vroom, Stabby Mc Stab Stab Special Edition The Directors Cut, John Travolta After A Breakdown, Failed Bandit

Bonus - Saxton Hale~ The Maximum Macho Macho Mann™, Captain Mustachio, HAT.

[tf2headshotcanons]

Do you have any pet names for the Mercs?

(So these are more like…things I have called the mercs in conversation or shouted at them in-game to the screen. I also tend to call them names depending on the loadout I see them with.

As in, ‘Ugh, just got killed by a fucking…Kablewy dude.’ or, ‘goddamn fucking Spy Prick asshole.’)

Heavy~ The Hoov, Mister Picnic, Handsome Bear, general eating noises, Macho Macho Man, A Butt To Follow

Pyro~ Baby, Poot, a general ‘HHhhhhhhnnnnk’ noise

Soldier~ Shouty, Nyyaarrrghh!, Toots (as in he toots his horn),  general yelling noises, Captain America if the freezing process backfired, Patches

Demoman~ Ka-blewy, Badoosh man, MELEEMELEEMELEE, The Less Annoying Nyoom.

Sniper~ Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaall, Super Pro Butthole, Stabby Mc Stab Stab, Vest

Medic~ Handsome Gramps, Coat, Twinneedle, Dr Waltz, The Hand From Surgeon Simulator Gone Wild

Scout~ The Child. Annoyance, Speedy Speed Boy, Shooty Patootie, The More Annoying Nyoom, Wanananananana.

Engineer~ Pancake Stack, Nope, Lil’ Fucker, moveyourfuckingsentryDICK, Knifewrench (For Kids!)

Spy~ *Obnoxious French snorting noises*, Prick, Vroom, Stabby Mc Stab Stab Special Edition The Directors Cut, John Travolta After A Breakdown, Failed Bandit

Bonus - Saxton Hale~ The Maximum Macho Macho Mann™, Captain Mustachio, HAT.

[tf2headshotcanons]

Might I suggest a few?

Medic - Grampsome.

Sniper - Piss pole, lanky streak of piss [where I come from, calling someone a streak of piss means they're thin], Snipples, Bush Tucker Trial, sPISS,

Scout - Scouting for Girls, Boston Boi, Yorkshire Terrier, The Batter, Straight Outta Boston, Russell Howard, Hop Skip and a Where-The-Fuck-Did-He-Go, [I have a lot for him but I forgot-]

Demo - Hot Scot,

Spy - Literally every derogatory term under the sun, gimp, sPOOP [To with Sniper's piss], knock of James Bond, I literally have so many for him - ask if you're interested,

Do you have any pet names for the Mercs?

(So these are more like…things I have called the mercs in conversation or shouted at them in-game to the screen. I also tend to call them names depending on the loadout I see them with.

As in, ‘Ugh, just got killed by a fucking…Kablewy dude.’ or, ‘goddamn fucking Spy Prick asshole.’)

Heavy~ The Hoov, Mister Picnic, Handsome Bear, general eating noises, Macho Macho Man, A Butt To Follow

Pyro~ Baby, Poot, a general ‘HHhhhhhhnnnnk’ noise

Soldier~ Shouty, Nyyaarrrghh!, Toots (as in he toots his horn),  general yelling noises, Captain America if the freezing process backfired, Patches

Demoman~ Ka-blewy, Badoosh man, MELEEMELEEMELEE, The Less Annoying Nyoom.

Sniper~ Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaall, Super Pro Butthole, Stabby Mc Stab Stab, Vest

Medic~ Handsome Gramps, Coat, Twinneedle, Dr Waltz, The Hand From Surgeon Simulator Gone Wild

Scout~ The Child. Annoyance, Speedy Speed Boy, Shooty Patootie, The More Annoying Nyoom, Wanananananana.

Engineer~ Pancake Stack, Nope, Lil’ Fucker, moveyourfuckingsentryDICK, Knifewrench (For Kids!)

Spy~ *Obnoxious French snorting noises*, Prick, Vroom, Stabby Mc Stab Stab Special Edition The Directors Cut, John Travolta After A Breakdown, Failed Bandit

Bonus - Saxton Hale~ The Maximum Macho Macho Mann™, Captain Mustachio, HAT.

[tf2headshotcanons]

(Gonna add to this later-)

How do the merc’s handwriting look like? And can it be with some image examples? Thanks!

Long post, so its under a cut!

Also as someone who trained in graphic design for a while, I really love typography. I had a lot of fun with this one, thanks!

Keep reading

[tf2headshotcanons]