thecoolestcucumber

[thecoolestcucumber]

[thecoolestcucumber]

[thecoolestcucumber]

NOTICE: As more and more fanfic writers are using generative AI for their works (you uncreative dweebs), I hereby swear on everything I hold dear that I have not and will NEVER use generative AI in ANY of my written work. Everything I post will be organically and creatively my own.

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[thecoolestcucumber]

Mundanity

there is no poetry in nature

no lyric in cracks on a sidewalk or rays

of sunlight

there is nothing to be found

in a plate of peeled fruit

but a plate of peeled fruit

Unless

unless someone takes it

molds sights, smells, sounds into

words

forms these things into lyrical lines

sees the beauty in the impression left

by a door swinging open wide

too many times

and decides it means something

decides it means enough to work

into stanzas and metaphors

There is no beauty in the mundane

Without someone to reveal it

[thecoolestcucumber]

transgender snacks

[thecoolestcucumber]

[thecoolestcucumber]

The meaning and symbolism for this artwork (by me):

(TW brief discussion of disassociation)

The ants:

* The main inspiration for this artwork was ant spirals, (this is where ants get stuck in a loop following each other until they die).

* I wanted to relate this imagery to my current life and the up and down cycle of my mental health

* The phrase "this time will be different" is something I think to myself whenever there is a change in my life

* In this artwork the wording strongly contradicts the images of a never ending spiral. It's a false mantra- and holds no weight compared to the impending reality.

The raspberries:

* This part is pretty personal, so I won't be going into too much depth, but to summarise: the raspberries symbolise my childhood and things l've lost to the past. My grandparents had raspberry and blackberry bushes in their garden. I remember picking them with my brother and cousins. A lot has changed since then, so it's a time I wish I could go back to.

* I gave it the white border to represent a stamp/ postcard as if it is a location I could travel to.

* The setting of a large field gives the option of going in any direction but the figure cannot move forwards by being trapped in the past

The string:

* "How long is a piece of string?" I decided to add the string to show the uncertainty of how long the spiraling feeling will last. There is no real answer.

The human figure:

* A representation of me. I often have feelings of not being real. Like I forget I'm a real person that people can perceive. This lasts for various lengths of time- sometimes hours, sometimes months. It can be really jarring when you snap back to reality or feel yourself fading away again.

* I chose a male figure (despite me being female) to further emphasise the disconnect I feel with myself in these moments.

* The head of the figure is a different colour to the body to show that it is completely empty. The body is there but the mind is not.

Overall, I wanted this artwork to convey across the feelings of helplessness and disconnect I feel when stuck in a self made cycle. The phrase "this time will be different" is intended by me to be desperate and pessimistic. However, it can definitely be viewed as hopeful and a way to break the downward spiral. It’s up to the viewers interpretation.

[thecoolestcucumber]

art will save you, being unreasonably passionate about something niche will save you, letting past sources of joy show you the way back to yourself will save you, earnestness over composure will save you, the natural world will save you, caring for something bigger than yourself will save you, daring to be seen will save you, kindness not as a whim but a principle will save you, appreciation as a practice will save you, daring to try something new will save you, grounding will save you, love will save you, one good nights sleep will save you

[thecoolestcucumber]

if it's good enough for you, then it deserves to be made. don't let anyone else decide if your story is worth it or not.

[thecoolestcucumber]

I think the sky is trying to say something? 🤔 👀 🏳️‍⚧️

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Art about transformation I think

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by Rachel Zucker, from her collection Thunderbird

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DIVINE IS THE FLESH THAT KNOWS ITSELF!!

- by me! (Do not reupload)

[thecoolestcucumber]

Trans Autobiography

A poetry collection I wrote for my trans literature midterm project

Trans Autobiography

Requires certain things, a certain

Experience of the world and of the

Way you experience gender

Really, the requirements start outside the

Individual, beginning with whiteness and

Thinness and conventional beauty,

Everything that makes someone “acceptable”

Then, and only then, can you progress to your

History; you must show signs since childhood,

Exceptional suffering and internal conflict

Never deviate from expectations of your gender,

At least in your writing, you must be the model of

Real trans men or women, speak only in mirror scenes,

Reflect on yourself only deep enough to

Appear in the mirror as the “true self”

Trans people want to pass,

It’s the whole point

Variation and nuance aren’t allowed or

Everyone will call you a fake

A+ Gender

i was what you wanted me to be

or as close as i could get

i couldn’t be the girl i was supposed to so i

proved i was the best guy possible

with what i had on hand

wore my brother’s clothes

color is for girls and failures

i couldn’t whiten my skin but

look i rejected my culture just

ask all of my white friends i’m

basically white, i promise you

couldn’t tell

contoured my jaw my nose

darkened brows

NO Makeup

makeup is for girls of course so i

gave it up for you

walk tall deepen voice

no jewelry nothing

flashy or interesting

do you want to go back to being a girl?

platform shoes only but don’t

make it obvious

no style boxy cuts and slouching

(wait i thought walk tall–don’t talk back)

short short hair

bind like this no like that

this will bind the best

don’t overbind but Don’t be seen

anything less than perfectly flat

(they don’t go that flat–then do better)

nothing less than

a perfect performance

an A+ in gender because that’s possible and

reasonable to achieve

if they don’t he/him you then it’s

Your fault

Visual/Visible

I’m sitting across from my boyfriend

in a new-ish cafe in his hometown

when the thought strikes me

We look like a straight couple

Full face of makeup (had to get dolled up for our date)

A plush cardigan and cropped tank top

Legs crossed daintily

Bubbly bright polite-voice in my back pocket

I try to shush the thoughts

My chest is bound and

testosterone has deepened my voice

My boyfriend calls me his boyfriend

My friends never misgender me

But if I’m really honest

I wish people would look at me and see

A guy

Because I am one I promise

And then he smiles

Remembering some thing our

friend said about me

And I’m back in the cafe

sipping my chai, cleaning up

his spilled earl grey

Passing couldn’t feel as good as this

Sitting with him, laughing about our friends

In full makeup and “women’s” clothes

I know I look good and I know he’ll

See me

I can deal with being seen by loved ones

I can learn to not care if anyone else sees

T4T

It’s a kind of intertwined sense

A journey so long embarked alone

Meeting in the middle and running parallel

An implicit understanding

Unbound chests don’t hurt here

Scraggly facial hair means nothing more

or less than progress

Tracing every outline holds nothing

but body in arm, heart in hand

Deeper thoughts don’t have to be doubts

It’s complex and infinite and there’s

no need to waste breath

I know, he knows

Fears can quiet here

It’s not a fight here

It just is

We just are

We just are together

Questioning

it’s never been a question of myself

as much, not really

it’s complicated, sure

nuance took time

but once i knew, i just knew

a secret certain joy

but no less real

no, the scary part has always

lie in others

reactions, preconceptions

being a ‘real boy’ has hinged

on a desired response

no matter what i felt

what did it matter if it

was all in my head?

but those are the fears of a

lonely anxious child

one i haven’t been

for a time now

a gender journey for many

is a path to self acceptance

overcoming denial and

confusion, to let the true

self shine through

mine skipped a few steps

along the way

i knew, you could ask me

but validation seeking

set things back

i’m here now

i got there in the end

that isolated child has

found rest

i can look, act, present

however i want

i got there in the end

and it’s not even the end

[thecoolestcucumber]

Blessed Be by Sol Rios, published in Ghost of my Ghosts