thedeadest

[thedeadest]

untouched potential in yourself are the perfect leftovers you let sit in the fridge just a little too long. don’t you dare waste what could be fantastic.

[thedeadest]

last night i got my closure. we only sent a few texts, but you have not changed. two years go by without me, and you have yet to change. i realized then that i made the right choice in leaving you; that i would have been stuck in limbo with you for eternity if i hadn’t let go.

starting off 2025 with on the next step of the healing process from you, motherfucker

[thedeadest]

and for all the pain and turmoil i felt after breaking it off with you, i have never been happier about a decision than that. to lose you may have felt like inflicting a wound to my chest, but the human body can do nothing more than heal after feeling pain. you were my worst heartbreak yet i would leave you a hundred times more if i could

[thedeadest]

fighting sleep with you at 4 am, staring into your eyes and laughing at nothing yet everything.

our breath will intertwine and the heat of our clothed bodies under the blanket will stain our cheeks pink.

we will hold each other through the night although i will never feel your touch, and i will feel more alive in this moment than ever before.

[thedeadest]

& for a creature who has been tucked into dark corners its whole life, it is all to easy to mistake a wildfire for the sun’s generous rays of warmth

[thedeadest]

life got so much better once i started to live it

[thedeadest]

when our lips meet i taste only your ichor.

it coats my tongue and intoxicates like liquor.

your eyes drop when i part and when i breathe, i only taste you.

[thedeadest]

a poster in my room fell over; the tape was too old and weak to stick to the wall. but i have no new tape, so i stick the poster and the old tape back on the wall because it will have to do. i go to sleep after getting the tape to stick, and will wake up to my poster on the ground. the poster will fall and fall, the tape will fail and fail, and yet i will stand there with a scowl and put it back on the wall. the poster will continue to fall and the tape will continue to fail, and when i go to the store my eyes will skip over a new roll of tape.

[thedeadest]

i hope you never find my account.

[thedeadest]

sometimes when i’m nostalgic, i think about my life before i turned 18. all of the sneaking around, the friend drama, the marijuana, the adrenaline from getting away with an orchestrated lie. i look back and i think, “well, wasn’t fun?” and my 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, and 18 year old self will hide the misery, pain, betrayal, and loneliness behind shaking hands, bite the inside of their cheek, and say, “yes.”

[thedeadest]

sometimes, in my childhood bedroom, i can hear the clock ticking that i tucked into my closet at the age of 13.

[thedeadest]

i walk the streets covered in christmas lights. the only thing i stare at is the moon. and the wind will scatter kisses on my skin as if to say, “i love you too.”

[thedeadest]

my world didn’t end when we did & i think of you a little less every day

[thedeadest]

you make me want to fucking throw up

[thedeadest]

i hope the sun doesn’t rise for you again

[thedeadest]

life without you is ok but i still think of what we could have been at night & it keeps me up. you are haunting me

[thedeadest]

i have your number blocked but our texts will haunt my phone until i can look at your name without feeling sick