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Bit of happiness for me: this video that I made getting 100k views on Youtube ❤️ This isn't to my credit obviously, people are getting more interested in Tom (views very much exploded after Sandman S2 came out) and that makes me happy.

I'll admit that as much as I'm not bothered by Tom not being 'famous' (he chooses to live his life, build his portfolio, and approach his career in his own way and I'll always be okay with that), it does bother me sometimes that people are missing out on such a talented actor (and so he'll probably never get his deserved flowers). I'm glad I could give at least some people an intro to Tom's projects when they maybe got curious after they'd watched Sandman.

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Here's Tom Sturridge being in love with books and reading (includes exclusive knee shot! 😛).

How do I like my men, you ask?

Exactly like this.

[I'm sure I'm missing a buch because I neither search for this stuff nor save most of them; already did a thumb-hurting amount of scrolling to find what my lovely friends on here sent me. But please reblog with any book-loving Tom pics you have! Like, I swear I saw one of him reading on the subway, but can't find it for the life of me...]

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Dream of the Endless, 2x4 3

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Dream of the Endless, 2x3

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Life As a Big Brother

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Not really a question but a small message of gratitude. Thank you for posting Tom content, it's seemingly... Endless. I'm not in any way complaining. Please, if you can, keep it coming. I also want to commend how each post is pure enthusiasm and fangirling, and ofc fanfics here and there too (altho i cant bring myself to read any because i will figuratively explode and it would take me hours and hours to get myself together). I like that this is not just some weird account that over objectifies him. He is an amazing human being—that is from what I can see and what he shares with the world— and deserves mad respect. I hope I can find more blogs about Tom or maybe make friends or something. Would be nice to collectively just feel so much *or scream internally* and have people who get it whilst being rational human beings that blogs responsibly. That's it. Have a lovely day! :))

Thank you so much for your kind words ❤️ I love Tom Sturridge. And I have flaws, but love isn't something I half-ass. So as long as I can wrestle time away from my 'adult life' obligations, I'll keep making stuff - they help me process the big feelings. And this isn't even everything btw, I also have stuff up on youtube 😆

Also wanted to thank you for mentioning the need to respect him. It's enormously important to me. I know in these kind of scenarios the common thought process often tends to be 'that's a celebrity trying to appeal to me on screen and I'm not only a hundred degrees removed from them, I'm anonymous- so literally any dumb thought I have about them is fair game to put out there'. But while characters he plays are of course just that, Tom is a very real person to me, 'celebrity' or not. I'm not ever going to talk about him in a way as if he's just pixels.

I don't follow Tom accounts or know the 'fandom' tbh (see my last text post lol). But I do know @marlowe-zara and @ladychibi are two of the most sensible persons on here. Maybe you could check out their accounts, for a start!

Cheers, and thanks again!

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Morpheus: Love, loss, grief, and death | Sandman S2

But I love you...

[If you will not do this for me, then I am no longer your son]

I am not worthy of you, my son.

[...love is the only good reason to do anything.]

...

[But I do not love you, Dream.]

No.

[Well, if it gives you comfort to blame me for the way you are, or the way you turned out, you are welcome to it, my love. It will be my farewell gift to you.]

[You sacrificed your life, or at the very least, your freedom, for your son. There is no greater expression of love.]

This is an opportunity for me to say...

I'm very tired.

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See if this sounds familiar.

Here you are on tumblr. Very likely that means you're a fan. Of something, anything. You've claimed one or multiple pieces of media or art or style, or even a person, as your thing/s, yours. Lots of people do that. But what you've also got are feelings. You have a lot of them. Love, excitement, yearning, passion - the kind that feels embarrassingly big sometimes. Like you want to scream at the sky at how much you love something. Like you can't sleep at night thinking about how excited you are about them. Like the yearning for something that you'll never have, some world you'll never be in, somebody you will never meet is like a hot-and-cold chisel slowly hollowing out your chest. And that - that's embarrassing, isn't it? You live in the real world after all, where you wake up and you need to be 'normal' all the way until you fall asleep. So here you are on tumblr, anonymous, and you can 'obsess', you can 'hyperfixate', you can call it whatever you like but what it means is this is the outlet for all those impossibly big feels. Air them out. Scream in all caps. Slice and dice every little detail of what you looked at, watched, listened to - deconstruct until there's nothing left but your feelings.

Or maybe that doesn't sound familiar. Maybe you're like, 'Whoa, get outta here with that crazy fan(atic) talk. I'm just casually existing here. Mildly interested, dipping my toe into the endless stream of things. Maybe some of it catches my fancy. Maybe it doesn't. It's all just fun and games, babe.'

Maybe. And I'm glad for you - both of you - the first, AND second kind. Because you're probably doing what you came here to do either way. Claiming your thing, and then sharing and discussing and analyzing and arguing and interacting and defending and offending - but it's all for the love of the thing, right? If it comforts you, you love it right back. And if it hurts you, you can hate it too, if that time comes. Lay it all out here. In the thing community, they all care. There's an ear out for everything, It's all going somewhere. It's all worth it. 

So. I said all that. And I'm not here. In neither of those kinds. So maybe, for a few of you, this sounds familiar...

That when you feel for a thing, something, that much - it's rare. It's so rare that you hold it in trembling hands. And you decide nothing can come between you and these feelings. Love, hate, eventual indifference - whatever you feel, it has to be yours. No other voice can seep in. No other voice exists. It's all dark around here. There's just one small pool of brilliant white light, and in that spotlight, there's you, and there's the thing. And that's the world you build... until you cease caring so much, maybe. Maybe then you can let out a breath. Look around, turn on a light or two. But that day will also probably never come, because you're so goddamn loyal when you care. Stop? How? If it hurts you? You let it hurt you, alone. And if it makes you feel seen, heard, loved? Well. There you go. 

Funny how I'm this person. And funny how I'm still on tumblr. I did come here for something else. I did have a bigger world. But then I started caring too much, and I closed the doors one by one. You'll see - I'm talking to myself here. I don't follow Dream/Sandman/Tom Sturridge accounts, I avoid them like a panicked werewolf avoids the full moon. I never go to the 'for you' page. Never look at the tags. On twitter, I've religiously pressed the 'not interested' button when even a hint of Sandman-adjacent stuff showed up. On youtube, it's much the same. When I need to look at something, I seek it out tremulously. And more often than not, I make it myself. A fanvid, a fanfic, a gifset- I'll create and make and write it all before I ever dare press search for any of it. And it's such a shame - because this all sounds so much like hate, doesn't it? But trust that what this is, is the exact opposite. The kind of intense love I rarely feel, the kind that will take control of me if I let it, so I need to keep it in its small prison, and this is how I do it. But then, I still need to look up at the sun sometimes, so I don't just make stuff, I post them here - and the other voices let me know they are here, and that much is comforting enough.

Netflix's The Sandman has ended (-ish, there's that one bonus ep to come but it's not part of the main narrative, so). And I could talk about the show, the story, the characters, the themes, whatever. I've got my own opinions - quite pedestrian opinions, I'm sure. I'm sure it's all already been discussed through the roof. But I'm not interested in that discussion. And I'm not interested in anyone's opinion. Or even mine, in the end. Because shows come and go. They get things right or wrong. Some of it is good, some bad, whatever. For me, it's enough that it made me feel this much. That Morpheus made me feel this much. Hours and hours of my life feeling sick with love, and caring, and when he was gone, lying awake, then getting out of bed unslept the next morning, and feeling hopelessly fucked up and guilty because hey- real world is happening, and look - people are still suffering and being killed -  isn't that new, and I have to get to work, and here's a dozen things my adult self needs to get done or go manage yesterday -  can I really afford to feel this way about a show? A silly, silly Netflix fantasy? If you have that many feelings to spare, shouldn't you be putting that towards something that makes sense? What gives, girl?

What gives is that the feelings also make a mirror, and I deserve to have that. I love Morpheus. Why? Plenty of hot men out there on screens, and plenty of tortured protagonists. So why him (and only him)? Who he is tells me who I am, have been, becoming. Tells me whom I love, and how I love. Tells me about the things that make me, me.

In general, the Sandman is a fascinating story, a good TV show (especially S2), and Tom... Tom made the character. Not to take away from any of the credit. But in the end, I think, we all just want our story. Neil Gaiman wrote the story in a certain way, because of who he is. Alan Heinberg et al made the show in a certain way, because of who they are. And you wanted to watch a certain version of it, because of who you are. If you got it, you're happy. If you didn't get it, you're probably writing angry essays bashing everyone involved. That's all okay. For me, I just wanted to hold my love in my trembling hands all the way through the end, and I did. I need nothing more. 

"I am an island", he said. I am too. I will come into a community, and huddle in a corner like this. Write deranged words like a madwoman for no one, for only to make sense of all that I feel, all my emotions - naked in my vulnerability, but safe in my anonymity. And it still probably won't make sense. And I'll be restless, messed up, sick with all the love that I still keep inside me - so blindingly bright it'll feel like hurt, and I'll still not have the sense to come out of the rain with any of it. 

But it's a privilege. To feel that much, for anything. I don't usually, if you couldn't tell. So thanks, Dream. (And also, hello, because tell me that doesn't sound familiar to you?)

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Unfinished business

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Dream of the Endless, 2x2

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Just a post for Tom and his mom ❤️

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Silhouette of Dream | Season 2

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1k bonus edition lol

Stars in his eyes

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Stars in his eyes

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Morpheus in love.

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Dream of the Endless, 2x1

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Before I predictably (and gleefully) resume stamping this page with an unending barrage of new Morpheus/Tom Sturridge content as Sandman S2 drops (one day to go!), here's some Matthew Goode from Dept. Q because... *gestures resignedly*

[...Matthew, babe, I'm sure you've got people rallying for the clean look somewhere, but if you'd care to listen to me, you can retire that and everything else. This is it. It hath given too hard and unfortunately I will not be unseeing or unreceiving.]

Oh, and the show's quite good.