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jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

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Me and my boyfriend tied in a board game and he was bummed because I helped him with it (even though it was our first time playing), so I told him “In my heart you win anyways” and he cried.

when i find his ex i’m killing him

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I know it’s not hard to point out reactionaries hypocrisy when it comes to like safe spaces or hug boxes or whatever but genuinely how much of an echo chamber do you have to exist in for you to think this is a reasonable thing to say

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Please reblog if YES so your followers will know!

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alright fellas picture this: project nexus au where everything plays out exactly the same except gestalt is the size of a purse dog

they shrinked him. shrinked his dinks.

do with this what you will

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GORETOBER DAY 1

Cannibalism!!

!!!Gore Warning!!!

This is technically a day late but whatever-

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WHY ARE THERE NO MLM JOAQUÍN X READER FICS ON AO3?!

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Adobe is going to spy on your projects. This is insane.

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holy shit i just realized I can post about my interests like the rabid dog i am on here without getting clocked by most of my friends bc the one irl moot i have on here doesn’t actually care

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my first favorite hobby is yapping. second is being extremely quiet and not talking ever at all ever.

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Hey you ever think about The Characters so much to the point where

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CAL STATE LA YOU PIECE OF SHIT

I was checking my email a couple minutes ago making sure I had everything set for my first semester at CSULA in a few weeks. Financial aid: set, Schedule: set, Textbooks: working on it, Dorm Supplies: on the way, Dorm move-in date: this week, okay all goo-

RUN THAT BACK??

I almost shat my pants i swear to god, because I had to check my student portal to make sure that I was set to move in two weeks from now, not six days, and I was right, turns out they sent me an email with the wrong date and I almost started scream crying.

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Omg u have vrchat?

yes i do!!! i don’t play very often tho, most of the time i go on there to find an empty stage and sing or play my guitar like an npc, but I’d happily add anyone who wants to play with me!!

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I honestly hope someone makes TBOL and MATT avatars in Vr Chat… I wanna run around and play creep

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tell me I’m wrong

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US Politics rn

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Now that the bots are gone, we can also beat the shit out of this light uninterrupted