vventingandstuff

[vventingandstuff]

i wonder how much time it'd take them to figure out something was wrong

i wonder if people would notice if i missing

if they'd ask

how long until someone comes looking for my body?

would anyone come at all?

how long would my body rot for?

would anyone notice at all?

maybe, even dead, people would fail to notice the signs

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i should have just killed myself when i was 15 and be done with everything

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its crazy how i dont remember a time in which i did not consider just killing myself as an alternative all the time

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relapsing was not on my 2024 bingo card lmao

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.

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no, the saddest part is that, genuinely, no one would miss me

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the worst thing is nothing's stopping me from ending it right here right now

would you even care?

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please don't leave me

please don't forget about me

please I'm sorry

I'm sorry I'm so sorry

i promise i will be better

please i promise I'll be better

please just don't leave me

don't leave me alone

why won't you come back?

why won't you need me as much as i need you?

how am I supposed to keep going without you?

please

please

pleasepleasepleaseplease

don't leave

come back

I'm scared of being alone

it's dark in here

it's cold

i can't do this alone

please

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mother did you know you're the reason i hate my reflection this much? did you know you're the reason why i flinch when my eyes pass a mirror? did you know you're why i hate my face and my hair and my eyes and my smile? did you know you're why i hate it when people look at me? did you know you're why I'd rather be left on my own in silence than be under anyone's attention?

have you ever thought that you're the reason why i don't believe it when anyone tells me I'm pretty? that you're the reason why i think people lie to me when they compliment me? that the only way people could find me interesting is if they don't know me in real life?

did you know that no one's words have cut me as deep as yours? that no one is the cause of so much of my pain as you except for myself?

did you know whenever there's a voice in my brain telling me to hate myself it sounds like yours?

i wonder if it would pain you as much as it pains me, for you to know that you're the reason why i don't believe I'm worthy of love, not even from myself

I'm sorry I'm not pretty enough

I'm sorry my hair isn't straight and long

I'm sorry I'm not tall or thin

I'm sorry my curves are in the wrong places

I'm sorry my eyes are too small

but most of all I'm sorry you're the reason why i think like this in the first place

i mourn the loving words i never had

i wonder if I'll ever have the guts to tell you this

i wonder if you would ever care enough to ask

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and the thing is, if i killed myself rn, I'm pretty sure it would take people days to figure it out, i would be nothing but a decaying body, alone even in death

[vventingandstuff]

HEARTSTOPPERCENTRAL PRIDE CELEBRATION 2022 day 2: favourite dynamic➛ nick and charlie + pride flag color meanings (insp.) “i love liking you.”

[vventingandstuff]

mama was this what you meant when you said you were going to give me something worse to cry about? are you glad you were right after all, that the pressure of your own hand is what still makes me cry?

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i just wish i didn't have to confess to my darkest thoughts and feelings for people to start caring about me yknow

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I'm sorry I thought you'd understand, really, I'm sorry i thought you of all people would understand my struggles and instead of making me feel guilty about them make it easier for me

I'm sorry i thought you'd care more

I'm sorry I'm not enough for you

I'm sorry my struggles inconvenience you so much

I'm sorry you don't understand the pain I'm in or how much i want to die

I'm sorry you don't try to see things my way

I'm sorry i don't speak up because I'm scared of what you'll say

I'm sorry I'm nothing to you

I'm sorry I'm such a bother

I'm sorry I'm part of your life

I'm sorry I'm alive

I'm sorry

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well damn i made a mutual feel bad with my sob story I'm so sorry

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is it ever too late to kill myself

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anastasia steele is so lucky tho, she gets to marry a hot millionaire and all she does is look cute and have some kinky sex, I want the hot millionaire and the kinky sex please and thank you