wangquest

[wangquest]

Wang Update

In case people were wondering if I was still super happy and satisfied with my dick:  I love it so much and I am so glad I went through this quest.

[wangquest]

A Successful Quest

Content warning: Non-graphic talking about sex below the cut

After three long, long months of waiting to heal (my surgeon was firm on 'no pulling or thrusting sex until three months to make sure everything fully anchors') I finally got to use my ED device for its intended purpose. My partner and I had planned to celebrate the event today, but instead had spontaneous sex the night of, (based on it's after 12am, so TECHNICALLY it's the 5th and we're done with the 3 month wait now...) and it was amazing.  Being able to prep quickly just by pumping up made me feel no dysphoria at all, and I never had to worry about if my Elator was going to slip off or be reminded of my surgery. It felt natural and getting to see my partner's reaction as I went from flaccid to erect gave me a lot of confidence and joy. I'm glad we did wait the full three months, as there was no pain or even discomfort, everything seemed to be anchored in place and there were no "mechanical issues." I still don't have enough sensation in the phallus to be able to fully orgasm from just PiV (I only had my stage one in August 2019, and I'm getting more sensation monthly, so I'm not worried) but afterward we had a great time using manual and oral stimulation for me to come after she did. All in all, I'm just so happy that after two big surgeries I finally feel fully complete. 

[wangquest]

Hi! Congrats on the dick, dude! You've probably already answered this but I haven't finished reading your blog so I hope you won't mind either answering it again or linking me to a previous response. How is your donor site? Do you have a lot or any loss of sensation, agility, or mobility? Has this changed as you heal? Thank you!

Hey there! I don’t think I have answered, so I’m happy to do so.  The short answer is that my donor sight is doing great. I have full mobility and the scar, though certainly noticeable, is something I’ve grown fond of over time as a symbol of my self-actualization. (also it looks badass)  The scar itself has dulled sensation, and if I bang it on things (I’m clumsy) there’s less protection, so that can hurt more than before, but I don’t feel any pain in it at this point. As for the rest of my arm, there aren’t any parts that have lost sensation or feel more pain than normal. As for edema, my hand never had much to start with, and what little I had went away within the first month or so. I had to go through physical therapy for a few months to get back full mobility. At first, I was at maybe 50% grip strength and couldn’t really bend my hand very far back and forth at all. But over time, as I healed, my scars softened. The last hurdle was getting some of the scars at my wrist to flatten more, as that was preventing me from having a full rang of motion in my hand. I used a Bioconcepts fitted compression sleeve lined with silicone to help with that. Below are some pictures of my arm, both right after surgery, and now. 

Below is the week after surgery, when it still had to be splinted and attached to a wound vac unit.

Below is about a month after surgery. There was some “proud flesh” which is basically skin that tries to heal so much that it overgrows, and has to be killed off so you can heal over it. To kill it off, you put silver nitrate on it. So that’s what the gray spots are, the silver nitrate.

Below is my handy dandy BioConcepts Silicone glove. Very useful, and happily covered by my insurance.

Below is my arm last march, after I was using the glove and 6 months after surgery.

And finally, below is my arm now, with added pics to show mobility.

[wangquest]

The Good, The Bad, and The Silver Lining

I just got back to NYC from Texas after my ED and testicular implants with Dr. Santucci (he does all the ED implant surgeries for Dr. Crane’s practice). The Good: No major complications or pain! Everything works fine and no signs of infection. Pumping up is pretty easy, and I’m getting the hang of the release button. The testicle implant is in perfect place and has no issues. The Bad: My pump decided to migrate up out of the scrotum to sit up near my pelvis. I can pretty easily massage it down into the scrotum to use it, but it’s annoying to do so, and it makes getting to the release button a bit difficult (though not impossible). We’re going to wait four months to see if it moves down naturally as swelling goes down, but there’s a high likelihood that I’ll need a minor revision to put it in the right place. The Silver Lining: The possible revision is a very minor surgery, and shouldn’t be too bad if I need it. It’s also minor enough that Santucci is okay with me going to a local doctor for it, so I’ll be reaching out to Dr. Zhao in the NYU team for it if it’s needed, as Santucci has worked with him before and trusts his work. All in all, I’m very happy with how this surgery went, even with the possible minor setback.

[wangquest]

Anxiety Deflated

Though my pump is still a bit too high, it works, so we’re seeing if it’ll settle down over the next few months. I was able to inflate and deflate without issue, so that’s the biggest hurdle already. The surgical team has been nice about my high anxiety, so I’m comforted that they are confident that things will work out. The worst case scenario is that in 4 months or so I might have to schedule a revision to lower the pump, but it would be a pretty minimal surgery, which is a relief. Also I finally was able to deflate fully, so I no longer have a semi-hard on all the time >.> Which also is a relief in itself.

[wangquest]

Transgender Awareness Week: A Celebration of Self

It’s Transgender Awareness Week, so I’m here to make people aware. There are many forms of awareness, so I’m here to talk about how important it is to be aware that you can be trans and happy and trans and loved. So hello, I’m a 33 year old bisexual trans man, and I exist.

I’m here to tell you that you don’t need to have known you were trans since you were a child. I didn’t realize where my discomfort was coming from until I was 18, and I didn’t socially transition until I was 23. I’m here to tell you that you don’t need to have once identified as butch or a lesbian to be a trans man. (Also that no, trans people are not “stealing butches” from the lesbian community, we are allies, not enemies) I have identified as bisexual my entire life. So for any TERFs looking at this, stop acting like gay and bisexual trans men don’t exist. There are a lot of us. Additionally, prior to my transition, I presented as high femme. For me, femininity was a form of drag that if I tried hard enough at it, maybe it would make me cis. Clearly, that didn’t work. I’m here to tell you that you don’t need to be thin or androgynous to be desirable as a trans man. Trans men come in all shapes and sizes, and living as your authentic self, no matter what presentation makes you comfortable is what’s most important. I’m here for my husky bear trans men, my fabulous twink trans men, and everything in between. You are all awesome. I’m here to tell you that there is no one way to transition. Social transition is transition, and that may be all someone wants or needs. Or they may be like me, and have a medical transition that includes everything from hormones to top surgery and a phalloplasty. I’m here to tell you that phalloplasties are way better than most people think they are, and if you want to learn more about them, you should check out phallo.net/. If you want a far less informative but more personal journey, you can read this phallo tumblr, affectionately called wangquest. Finally, I’m here to make you aware that being trans doesn’t mean you can’t be happy, that it can be the catalyst to the most joyous part of your life, even with the trials and tribulations that the world may throw at you. I’m married to an amazing woman who I love with all my heart, I work as a public interest attorney and find deep fulfillment from my job, I have friends and found family who I adore.

[wangquest]

Both my hope and pump are riding high

Update on WangQuest 2: A Hero Will Rise

I went to my first of my two post-op appointments today. There was some good news and some (thankfully minor) bad news. Good News: No signs of infection! Everything looks to be healing well and without complication. No signs of erosion or detachment for the erectile implant and my testicle implant is looking good. Bad News: The pump for the implant is riding about an inch higher than it should (silly pump, why can't you be in the right spot like the testicle is doing?) This is a pretty common issue, and one that can be fixed by kind of slowly massaging it downward to where it's supposed to be. This usually happens because it's pushed a bit upward by the swelling from the surgery, and even just on the first try we moved it down half an inch. So for the next week I'll be working on massaging it down to where it should be and will be using Ibuprofen and ice to get the swelling down more. Due to the fact that moving the pump hurts like a bitch, we're going to wait on doing the initial inflate/deflate till next post op appointment when it (hopefully) will be where it's supposed to be and I'll be a bit less tender. Which means I'm going to have to stay partially inflated for another week, which is frustrating, but doable. (They keep you partially inflated to make sure you don't heal without room for the inflated pump, so you've got like, the very start of a boner but not enough to be noticeable with pants on, thankfully) So overall, things are looking good! (credit to @snakewife​ for the perfect image)

[wangquest]

Scars and Transformation

Starting this post with something I didn’t think I would be talking about on this blog, a content warning for mentions of past self harm. Please take care of yourself if you continue to read.




I have childhood onset bipolar disorder that is currently controlled through a combination of a cocktail of medications and therapy techniques. However, as someone with childhood onset, it took quite a while before we found the right meds for me, and that was a pretty rough time, mental health-wise. 

This lend to me using a number of less than healthy coping mechanisms to deal with my out of control emotions, including self harm (specifically, cutting). Due to the ease of access, and my general ‘I don’t give a fuck you can’t stop me’ views on life, my main target for my self harm was my left forearm, as I didn’t care if people saw and I’m right handed.



Some of you may have realized the unforeseen issues this caused adult me, way down the line. Specifically, my donor arm for my phalloplasty was my left arm, and due to my past actions, had a number of scars from my self harm on it.

Luckily for me, I scar very flat and fine, so the scars weren’t an issue medically. And most of them were so fine that they aren’t even visible on my phallus. But there’s one from a particularly bad cut that is more easily seen. I remember asking my partner if she thought it made my penis unsightly, and she said that it was just a part of me, and that it wasn’t bad to look at.

My scars are much less obvious on my penis now. It’s hard to see them unless you’re looking for them. And my arm is now far more scarred than it was before, but it is scarred out of self-love, not hate. I see my left arm now and I smile at the scar. It fills me with satisfaction and pride. And when I see that single visible scar on the side of my dick, I feel a tenderness in my heart. Because that terrible time in my history has been merged and transformed with my self-actualization and joy.

Before, I was worried that my past would weigh down my future, but instead I’ve learned that it’s possible for me to come to an equilibrium with my past and start to heal. Gender confirmation surgery can be—for those who need it—a path to learning to love our bodies again. Quite literally, our old scars can be transformed. And I think that’s beautiful.

[wangquest]

Legendary Weapon Upgrade Complete

It’s been three days since WangQuest 2: Inflatable Boogaloo and I’m healing pretty well.

The weird thing about ED inflatable implant is that they have to keep it partially inflated for the first week. So it’s hard to tell what’s just normal healing swelling in my dick and what’s the implant. Generally swelling overall in my abdomen and junk has gone down a lot though. I’m in a lot less pain, even though I’m now off the heavy duty pain meds. I even managed to sleep on my side for the first time since surgery already, which is a huge difference to how long it took to do that last time. All in all, healing looks like it’s going really well, I just have to have my fingers crossed for no infections.

[wangquest]

Erogenous Sensation, Or: Putting Some Joy In Your Boy

A common misconception about phalloplasties is that they don't have erotic sensation. This is very untrue, and I am here to talk about the deets.

As a quick basic informational thing, erogenous sensation in an RFF (radial forearm flap) phalloplasty comes from two places.

One is from the original natal phallus. In my case, I opted to have it "buried" which basically means that they take the flesh off of it and then kind of wrap the nerves around the newly created urethra. This leads to me having those original erogenous nerves ending up going from the top of my scrotum (where the natal phallus originally was) up to the base of my phallus. These nerves can be stimulated directly by rubbing or vibrating the area, or they can be stimulated by pulling at the newly created phallus (the dick, if you want to be more colloquial) as doing so pulls at those buried nerves at the base of the phallus.

As the nerves from your natal phallus aren't cut during the procedure, you recover sensation in that area pretty quickly. I was able to orgasm via stimulation to that area within a month of my surgery (this was an issue, as my doctor was like, "please no sex--including self stimulation--for three months so you can fully heal" and I was like, "Okay but what if sex?" and the long story short is that I can tell you that I had the ability to orgasm within a month of surgery so I guess you know how well I was able to follow that doctor order.)

But, wait, I said two places, right? Phalloplasties show how the body is REALLY COOL in that they don't only have sensation from the natal phallus! In an RFF (and in ALT, which is when they take the skin from your thigh) there are two major nerve branches that they take with the graft. For RFF these branches are the lateral antebrachial cutaneous nerve and the medial antebrachial cutaneous nerve. They hook one of these up to your ilioinguinal nerve (this gives tactile sensation) and the other to your dorsal penile nerve (this gives erogenous sensation)

Using micro surgery, they stitch the nerves together and in doing so, allow for both tactile and erogenous sensation to develop in the new phallus. However, unlike with your natal phallus, these nerves are cut, and nerves take a very long time to heal. Due to this, sensation in the phallus comes in very slowly. I'm a year out, and I still don't have full sensation in my phallus, and I know people who have continue to have developed more sensation in the phallus 3 or 4 years after surgery. This is because new nerve pathways need to grow through the phallus, and nerves grow very slowly.

I feel it's important to note that even before full sensation is in the phallus, you still can get off during sex, as you always still have that base of the phallus hookup from your natal phallus that is going to be stimulated during the motions of sex or wanking. So basically I have all my old erotic nerves, but I'm also getting a bunch more. Which is awesome.

Anyway, this was sparked partially by realizing not everyone knows about the fact that you can fleshcraft nerves now for phalloplasty and also by the fact that I've been getting more and more erotic sensation in my phallus, and am really excited about it. (so to speak, eeeeyyyyyy)

[wangquest]

I’m back for WangQuest 2: Inflatable Boogaloo

Lord, it’s been a while since I posted. I fell a bit off the tumblr wagon, so I apologize for that. I’ll be trying to post more often, but here’s a little update! I had my year anniversary of my surgery! I’m so happy with my dick, y’all, it’s so wonderful. I’ve continued along without any complications since my 5th week of recovery (I had a scary infection in my abdomen that was caused by a UTI migrating to a seroma) but as far as my dick, things have been great. No fistulas, no strictures, etc. My arm’s also healed up nicely, and I don’t have any edema in my hand.  At this point, I’m getting ready for my second (and hopefully final!) surgery to get my inflatable erectile device and testicular implants. After that I’ll be all done! My surgery is scheduled for November 5th, so I’m getting mentally and physically ready to have to go to Texas from NYC during a pandemic. The good thing is that I’ll be staying with my sister again, so I have a safe and isolated place to recover, and this surgery is going to be a LOT less intense than my other one.

[wangquest]

Reawakenings

One of the things that I've found since no longer really having gender dysphoria anymore, is realizing just how big an impact it had on my life.

If you were to ask me last year if my bottom dysphoria "negatively affected my quality of life" I'd probably have said, "it bothers me a lot, but doesn't hugely effect my QUALITY of life."

I used to have sex at least every other day back for most of my life as a sexually active individual. Over the past few years (about 2015 to present) that dwindled to about once or twice a week. Though that isn't insignificant, please remember what my prior rate of sex was. I attributed this to a lot of things: general stress in my life, growing older, "settling down", etc. But I didn't realize that literally all of this could be traced to the extra emotional and mental stress around my bottom dysphoria, which was increasing steadily over the years.

Part of this is because I assumed that because I wasn't consciously thinking about my junk 24/7 it wasn't causing me issues. Though sometimes I felt I couldn't have sex due to my junk, I generally attributed my lowering libido to other aspects of my life.

Now that I no longer have bottom dysphoria, I was startled at how my libido dramatically spiked. All the sudden I was initiating sex at least every other day, if not more. And this surprised me until I remembered that this was my actual normal libido, I just was no longer limited by the issues I had been dealing with as my bottom dysphoria got worse and worse. And thinking about my own anxiety and the emotional stress I felt about my diminished libido during those years, it's so helpful to understand what the change was actually tied to.

My libido isn't spiking, it's finally back to normal. And that makes everything I just went through worth it.

[wangquest]

Standing Up

Peeing being a huge deal every time I do it is still so weird to me and I'm ready for it to be less exciting (cause it feels weird to be so happy about peeing) and less stressful (because I keep worrying about developing strictures--none so far!). Someday, it won't be a big deal to pee, until then, I will now give TeaChimera’s personal pros and and cons about how peeing is now:

Pros: - Gender Euphoria! - Being able to use urinals with ease - Not having to take my pants off to pee is W I L D - Not having to sit to pee on sketchy toilets - The ability to pee easily in the wilderness (even though I will never want to pee in the wilderness)

Cons: - Biggest Con: I have to actually pay attention. When I am tired I have to focus and aim instead of just close my eyes and slump. - Chances of having post pee drip are higher, but should be less likely as I heal.

[wangquest]

It’s been a while

Wow, it’s been a while, hasn’t it.  I am back home from Texas from my WangQuest.  I have equipped my Legendary Weapon. I’ll get back to posting soon. :)

[wangquest]

Hope For The Best, Prepare For The Worst

What prep are you doing in case things don’t turn out as expected/desired?

With a surgery like phalloplasty, minor complications are expected, and major complications are possible. There are a number of things that I’ve done to prepare myself for things going in a direction I didn’t expect:

Research: I’ve done a lot of research on the proceedure I’m getting via reading various blogs, joining facebook support groups, and reading up on medical documents. This has allowed me to be well informed on all the possible ways things might go poorly, while giving me support and feedback on how to process and cope with issues. Support Network: My dear friends have set up a letter writing group for me while I recover, and I have other friends willing to hang out with me online as I recover. Additionally, my wife and cat will be with me, as will my family. This allows me to have the emotional support to deal with the stress and/or trauma that would occur if things go poorly. Therapy: I started going to a therapist and will be having long distance therapy sessions with her even while I’m away in Texas. This is to help me deal with post-surgical depression if it occurs, as well as to process the emotional toll things going differently than expected would have on me. Work: If things go differently than expected, I may need further surgeries and revisions, which would require more time off from work. I have asked for a full 3 months off from work to start with which gives me some buffer time, and my work has stated that they are understanding of if I need to take further time off for correctional surgery.

[wangquest]

A Few AMA That I Need To Skip

There are a couple of the AMA questions that I need to either save for later or skip due to content:  Can you still orgasm post-op? How will things change? The answer to this is: I should be able to! Not only will I be having an erogenous as well as a tactile nerve hookup (two separate nerves!) via microsurgery I will also have the original phallus buried inside the new one. So even before my full nerve regrowth allowing for sensation all through the shaft, the base should have full sensation. How things will change for me specifically depends on my own healing though, so that’s a question I’ll need to answer later. What are you looking forward in your D/s life as a result of this surgery? I actually don’t think anything will change regarding my D/s life. I think it’ll be nice to need less prep for sex when I’m not using a medical prosthetic anymore, but that doesn’t really effect a lot with my D/s life outside of convenience.  How many years do you estimate it’ll take for your corpus callosum to adapt to the change in nerve topology? I have no idea. 

[wangquest]

Putting this on the correct blog.

Good luck on your wangquest dude!!! we're rooting for your speedy recovery

Thank you! I appreciate the well wishes on my epic quest.