welcometothevoiddarling

[welcometothevoiddarling]

something about tim trying everything to find where he belongs and hawk sticking to one thing even though he knows they'll never let him belong there.

[welcometothevoiddarling]

the phrase “loving you is muscle memory” keeps running thru my head and i can’t stop thinking about how applicable it is to tim and hawk. they saw each other just a handful of times after the ’50s, yet every time they did see each other, they fell right back into that same dynamic. their love isn’t something they had to think about - it came as naturally to them as blinking or breathing.

[welcometothevoiddarling]

I think the moment Lucy realized hers and Hawk's marriage was over was upon seeing Hawk's things in the hospital.

Hawk was oblivious to her health leading up to Jackson's premature birth. That was significantly more dangerous for mothers and children in the 50's than it is now (not that her pregnancy and Skippy's battle with AIDS are even remotely the same).

I think seeing that her husband has been sleeping in Skippy's hospital room for days to be there for Tim 24/7 made Lucy realize that Hawk had never shown her that devotion in 30 years.

It likely would've made her understand that Hawk staying has always been about more than just Skippy needing help while his sister was gone. If it was solely that, Hawk wouldn't be sleeping at Skippy's bedside because Tim has full-time care while in-patient.

Lucy came to visit Tim at the hospital to see how much Skippy meant to Hawk, in the hopes she'd find their connection was very one-sided from Skippy's end. That way, Lucy could hold out hope to keep hers and Hawk's farce of a marriage together because it's all she's known.

Seeing just how well Skippy knows Hawk despite their decades apart, and the proof that Hawk is dedicated to Tim beyond what he agreed to do on this trip (at least what Hawk claimed his aims for it were), told her she had vastly underestimated Hawk's feelings for Skippy.

She surely discovered in that moment that burning Tim's letter to Hawk 30 years ago was futile. The sentiments in them were already reciprocated between Skippy and Hawk, even if her husband refused to say it.

She could lie to herself no longer. She could undeniably see that they're in love. It's love and desire. Feelings that she'd never experienced in return from Hawk.

There's no saving hers and Hawk's marriage because she'll never come close to matching the place Skippy holds in Hawk's heart. And more over, she shouldn't force herself to. She shouldn't want to.

Because she deserves someone who loves and wants her the way she deserves... The way Hawk loves Skippy.

[welcometothevoiddarling]

"He was buried wearing your cufflinks."

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

[welcometothevoiddarling]

one symbolic costume choice in fellow travelers that makes me insane is how, as the decades go on, Tim's style changes and adapts with the decade and who he is meanwhile Hawk's style stays very similar to what he's always in from the start (the hair, the button up shirt, trousers, etc). Tim changes and grows and comes more into himself meanwhile Hawk is relatively stagnant

[welcometothevoiddarling]

Hawk seeing those gay couples outside the cafe and how loud and open gay people were in the 80’s physically pains me. Because this man was so scared of what society thought of him and his identity that he forced himself to conform to heterosexuality, to commit to a wife that he could never truly love and a family he could only lie to. Hawk did so many things he didn’t want to do to protect himself, and hurt a lot of people - including the man he cared for the most. And yet here he is, 30 years later, and two men are allowed to be together. There’s no investigation as a consequence of their relations, no reason to deny themselves something they need out of fear.

I just know he was thinking about what could’ve happened if society had realised that people like him weren’t ‘dangerous’ or ‘wrong’ earlier. It could’ve been him and Skippy walking down that street holding hands.

[welcometothevoiddarling]

for a lot of scenes between lucy and hawk there is a parallel scene between tim and hawk that shows how surface level the relationship between lucy and hawk is. a few examples:

lucy was gifted a tiffany bracelet by hawk for christmas while a few scenes before we saw that tim was gifted hawks cufflinks with the initials h.f. on them. hawk gives tim something personal, a part of him while he gives lucy, while expensive and beautiful, something materialistic with no personality attached to it whatsoever.

episode six was full of these parallels. we see lucy and hawk having sex. they're both fully clothed, it's quick and unpersonal. hawk seems to have sex with her that night for two reasons: one, he wants to prove to her that he is, in fact, aroused by her. that he can be the man she needs. he wants to prove to her that he can be that man because he saw her flirting with Chet Stover. he saw them coming out of the house together during the firework scene. hawk is, after all, a jealous man that likes to claim his property. he does not want to be ridiculed by his friends and least of all by his wife.

if we compare that to the several scenes where we see tim and hawk being intimate, we can see a very big difference. first of all they're never fully clothed, this symbolizes that they're open with one another. there are no secrets between them, no barriers holding them back when it's just the two of them. secondly, they don't just "have sex" they're intimate. they play with their kinks, they tease each other; it's about pleasure between them, not about performance, like it is for hawk with lucy.

in episode six we also see lucy and hawk struggling with raising jackson. neither of them know how to talk to him, which results in frustrations on both sides. then we're shown jackson interacting with tim. tim understands jackson, he knows what the boy is going through (because he's been through the same; not feeling loved by hawk the way he wanted to feel loved by him). we get a glimpse of how happy a family tim, hawk and a child (jackson in this case) could have been. how great a team they would make if given the chance. the way hawk shows up differently for his son after his talk with tim, the way jackson opens up to tim and feels understood by him.

lastly, another lovely detail to show the personal relationship between hawk & tim vs the impersonal one between hawk & lucy. hawk gives tim the nickname "skippy" after 0.001 seconds of knowing him, while he keeps referring to lucy as "lucy smith".

i love how fellow travelers shows the hardships queer people had to face in the past. especially because it doesn't show just one story but different one's and includes poc voices!!

[welcometothevoiddarling]

Okay okay spoilers but NO cause the entire ENTIRE point on ep. 6 was to show how the life hawk thought he was supposed to have is inherently wrong for him and how it’s hurting everyone around him and how Tim is the piece of his life that he is missing to make it correct again. How Lucy is heartbroken and angry and how Hawk is always pretending and so unhappy and how Tim is confused and scared and lonely and how Hawk’s son is so mad at the world because his parents are too wrapped up in their little web of lies to even pay any attention to him and the sense of wrongness we feel throughout as audience members because they are PURPOSEFULLY holding Hawk and Tim’s relationship at a distance to us because that’s what Tim is doing to Hawk in the narrative and ugh ugh ugh how Tim and Hawk make a fantastic parenting pair because Tim brings out the best in Hawk and how Lucy could’ve found real happiness if she wasn’t with Hawk and how Hawk and Tim would’ve had real happiness together like literally I’m in SHAMBLES

Ep. 6 is a hard watch because it HAS to be a hard watch to make the point that their relationship is the only thing that will ever be able to make them who they’re meant to be

[welcometothevoiddarling]

Just thinking about how Hawk always behaves like he is so much wiser and knows so much more than Tim about how the world works but in reality Tim always did so much more with his life, believed in so much more, fought for so much more, and if I'm being honest has seen and experienced so much more and no matter how hard Hawk tries to keep the wise role he just starts to seem more and more like a child as the show goes on

[welcometothevoiddarling]

I just finished watching Fellow Travelers and oh my god. I cannot stop thinking about the contrast at the end of Tim literally about to die but he's on stage surrounded by his community and he's standing up for what he believes in like he always does and his life has so much meaning vs Hawk walking into his house completely healthy and alive but the house is empty and he has nothing. And also the fact that Tim has no regrets because he always lived as authentically as he could and fought with passion and loved Hawk unapologetically whereas Hawk will always have to wonder what his life could have been if he hadn't shut everyone out to protect his own image. Hawk remains "bulletproof" all the way to the end but that also means that he closed himself off to love and vulnerability and real happiness. And when he finally does start to let his guard down, it's too late.

[welcometothevoiddarling]

the choice of music in fellow travelers is just so brilliant… using Stevie Wonder’s if it’s magic, for the opening scene, including the notable line “if it’s magic/then why can’t it be everlasting?” (not to mention the lyric change in the final chorus: “if it’s magic/why can’t we MAKE it everlasting?) And then proceeding to tell a love story over the span of nearly 40 years and both explicitly and sub-textually detailing all of the reasons it couldn’t be made everlasting. And that’s just in the first five minutes. Insanity.

[welcometothevoiddarling]

Ultimately, I don't want to be known for my dog.

[welcometothevoiddarling]

i dont see why i cant start a trend, so here goes. lets try to build back our attention spans. lets try to focus on just one thing for as long as possible. lets not watch those "asmr for people with adhd" videos where they fuck up adhd folks even worse. lets resist the urge to reach for our phones when watching a movie. lets read the articles we reblog, even when theyre boring. i know its hard, i have adhd too, but its worth it. i also know that this hard work doesnt always seem super impressive to other people, so id love for yall to tell me in the tags or replies if youve done something, no matter how small, for your attention span. you deserve to feel like youve taken back some of what social media has ripped from you

[welcometothevoiddarling]

This is lovely advice.

[welcometothevoiddarling]

proclaiming we're in a lesbian music renaissance NOW thanks to artists like Billie Eilish, Chapell Roan, Fletcher, Phoebe Bridgers, Dove Cameron and Renee Rapp is qWHITE interesting to me (dgmw I like those artists but)........... people are acting like Janelle Monae, Victoria Monet, Hayley Kiyoko, Arlo Parks, Halsey, Kehlani, Syd, Dua Saleh, Raveena, Kelela, and even Megan Thee Stallion haven't been CONSISTENTLY making music about loving women and eating pussy for well over a decade. is it only a "sapphic music renaissance" when white lesbians and queer women do it?

[welcometothevoiddarling]

Download this easy DIY clothing repair guide (only 10 pages) from Uni of Kentucky

link to PDF

[welcometothevoiddarling]

spotify is raising prices again here's the apk that gives you premium for free