zoeysofy

[zoeysofy]

I am the artist

They will call me the artist, because I will not do what they expect.

They will call me the artist because I will create.

I will create the creation and the creation of that.

And I will create what they will call art.

Because I am the artist of what I create

I am the artist of what I will do

I am the artist of where I will stand

They call me the artist because I do not do what they want

They call me the artist because I don’t bend to their rules.

They called me the artist because I live a lived they did not see

They called me the artist because I didn’t create what they wanted to see

The called me the artist because I didn’t do what they’d expect

And they’ll tell you my life was a sad one

Because they didn’t understand

That I was the artist of what I create

And what I create is art and it is right

So I am the artist

And they will just watch

[zoeysofy]

In Todays world of negative thoughts and scenarios…

I have come to the realisation that my brain doesn’t process information as other people’s do…

Just a little think can make me feel so unappreciated and unwanted - when in fact I know my worth and I know what I have contributed cannot be replaced. But nonetheless my brain chooses to feel rejected.

This backfires on me most of the time - as I am an Aries I tend to just bluntly speak my mind and complain. This annoys and also leaves me feeling like shit about my honesty which in the end just causes me to shut up and close off.

But anyways - this happend to me today and after I complained I was given what I wanted. And while I am still grateful I cannot be happy about this, because I only got it because I complained.

Is it foolish of me to feel bad now? Shouldn’t I be so excited because I used my voice to speak up? And it ended with me getting what I want and maybe even more.

I am so confused.

[zoeysofy]

Whoever judges does not understand the peryll

And is therefor not fit to judge!

- Zoë, 28.04.21

[zoeysofy]

The drawer cabinet

I am standing in front of the drawer cabinet

It has so many drawers

So many I don’t know which one to choose

The world stands behind me threatening “choose one or you will die!”

I am so small

The cabinet is so big

Yet none of the drawers seem to fit

They all seem too small

Too uncomfortable

“I don’t want to live in one of those” I say

“Then you are not allowed to stay” answers the world.

I don’t know what to do...

I don’t know where I fit...

[zoeysofy]

Both

It’s never easy

I want to help you with what you want

I want to help you with what you want

I love you both

But I am facing dead ends

But I am facing dead ends

I don’t know what to tell you

It rips my heart in pieces

It rips my heart in pieces

The light at the end seems dimmed

I want you to be happy

I want you to be happy

This panic makes me cry

I want you to be together

I want you to be together

As mum and dad should be

[zoeysofy]

Work.

They call it work.

They call it office.

They call it self-fulfilment.

I call it dull.

I call it prison.

I doesn’t fulfill me at all.

It needs to change!

[zoeysofy]

Just to be a friend

I hope you get all the comfort you can from your friends.

Because I got none.

They all knew we were no more and they all knew we were sad... but they chose to consol you. Not me.

I am not mad. I know it was on my behalf we split, but I cannot deny, I feel most lonely.

I told them I was sad, but they merly ignored me. They ignored me like I have never been part of our group.

I though they were my friends, my closest. Was I mistaken?

I wish I could still talk to you like before... I wish you were still my best friend.

I regret ever letting you out of that dreadful zone, because I knew from the start I could not be more than a friend to you.

But you wanted more. I let you. I let you fall for your doom and I am sorry!

I am most sorry for what I have done. I wish I could console you but you don’t want me. You don’t want me out of pain. And I want you more than ever to be my friend. The friend I had in you before. But lust made me do it. Couriosity maybe. And I knew it from the beginning it would not end well. But I continued, making myself believe I could fall for you as you fell for me. But I hated it. I hated every minute of you falling in love with me.

Love is a cruel game. But I played it like I always have. And now I am cursed.

Cursed to be forever alone, because I could not endure to lie to my best friend.

I miss you!

[zoeysofy]

Why?

Why does life always disappoint you?

Just why? I mean

I mean so good and I try so hard

Every day

Every fucking day

I try so hard to be a good person

To treat people with respect

To not let my anger get to me and make my decisions for me.

To be rational

To not overthink everything

To not ruin my day because someone wasn’t nice to me.

To think positiv and to keep a positive attitude in every situation... it helps but yet...

Why is it so god damn disappointing ?

They tell you you should treat people like you want to be treated, Karma and shit.

Bullshit

Life’s gonna fuck you anyway.

Like what’s the point? What if we just give up?

Honestly who would care?

It’s just you out there fighting.

Alone

I know I have my family and my friends

I love them

They love me.

But I guess in the end it doesn’t matter to them.

[zoeysofy]

Just one day

Wow.. it took us just one day to go from lovers to friends, from friends to strangers.

Is this how it’s gonna be?

That’s how it always is, isn’t it? Going from lovers to strangers in what feels like seconds. I don’t get it. Yesterday you told me about every second of your day... today you don’t even want to tell me what your week was like.

I hate it, because I miss it so much. I think that’s what hurts the most ... the drowning loneliness you feel after loosing that fight of love.

They say love is the most beautiful feeling in the world... but it is also the most gruesome, awful, painful feeling.

[zoeysofy]

Smile trough the pain. It is power you will gain.

[zoeysofy]

If only you

If only you would take it.

All that I have to give.

If only you would hear it.

All the things I say.

If only you would get it.

That what I say is truth.

If only you would love me

as much as I love you.

[zoeysofy]

I just wish that one day our moment will come. I wish that one day we will smile at each other and know that we found what we’ve been looking for. I wish that this would be us... but I know that you can’t love me right now. And I will let you go.

[zoeysofy]

Father

Father

Sometimes there is a lot going on in your life... And a lot you just don't want to talk about. May it be your family our your friends... Our even a significant other you are talking about. It can be depressing to realize that the rock you have been holding on to just crushed. It is for me right now. I am loosing my ground and I don't know where to fall to. I don't know what to do. I don't know who to talk to. But can I talk to myself about it? I used to do that before. I solved all my problems by myself before. But tonight was different. You know. When you see a person you used to look up to fall. When you see the person who used to give you the directions. Who used to give you the feeling of safety. Who used to teach you how to read, write, talk, walk and even be, falls. I guess that's when you grow up. When you see your parent fall... You fall... Into adulthood. And I think that is one of the toughest days in your life. When you realize that you don't need the help of your loving father, but he needs yours. It is depressing and sad... And terrifying! But it is the truth. I am at this stage right now and I don't know what to do. I can only follow my instincts. "I am here for you dad! That's my role!" But is it? It is!

[zoeysofy]

Because only a dog‘s love is purest.

[zoeysofy]

Because they‘re HappySocks

I thought you should have this

As something to laugh

I though you should have this

To brighten your day

I thought you should have this

As something to keep

I thought you should have this

Because i know it won‘t last

I thought you should have this

As a reminder of our past

I thought you should have this

Odd pair of socks

Because it resembles so much

Of what is my heart