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[1cupofchi]

The Art of Appreciation

1. Academic Stress

I was not born in a family of academic achievers but in an environment that is full of strategic and consistent persons, that I was not able to inherit from them. Academic validation is the way I found to feel appreciated. As a child, grades are the only thing I can provide to make my parents proud. I tried to join every extracurricular activity that I could when I was in elementary school, joining a poem recital, dancing for our school, and such. These are the events that I enjoyed when I was in elementary, but these things suddenly changed after stepping into junior high school. From courageous to being a scaredy-cat. It was far from being a kid, this was the time when I would be entering my teenage life, so basically, I was at my pre-adolescence stage.  I developed the fear of being a failure, I encountered so many people that are much better than me, they had the intelligence and at the same time were sporty, which I thought was hard to keep up with. It was hard for me to accept it, I was in denial and thought that I had something that they didn’t, but in reality, I was ignorant, and that feeling stayed with me until I finished the seventh grade. I continued to be humbled in the eighth grade since it was amidst the pandemic, that we were in a new normal setup. I had a hard time attending the online classes therefore, I shifted to modular distance learning. I thought of this setup as my downfall academically. I was literally a nobody at that time. I lost the consistency and my interest in my grades and gradually forgot my goals. I was prioritizing my personal desires over my responsibilities. I noticed that I was more focused on social media than on my academics. It felt like it was more important than everything. But then again, I am approaching the last year of junior high school, and in this timeline, we start getting back on the usual learning setup. 

2. Developing an unhealthy habit.

Tenth grade was good karma for me, the consequence of being apathetic and being ignorant was given to me at this stage. It is getting much harder as the pressure sinks. I was able to see improvements in my schoolmates while I let myself get left out from those years of opportunity to develop myself. I tried to get back on track. I started participating in class and actively doing my responsibilities as a student. Yet, it was not enough for me. I started to develop this habit of starving myself as my punishment. I won’t eat a meal until I finish my schoolwork. I have to be more productive than before. I thought this would help me to develop an effective study habit but it just resulted in a medical issue for me. I almost developed an ulcer because of it, my parents never knew the reason why and I hope they won’t. Kidding aside, this part was a little toxic for me because I just accepted the fact that I am deserving of it. 

3. Keeping up with reality.

I was not able to enjoy half of my last year in junior high school. But I am grateful to my teacher who said that we have our own chapters to live, you might be living in despair in the current and a person is living their best. That is part of our lives, we have our own pace to live up to. We have our hardships and we also have our best time to live. I started to let myself hang out with my friends after dismissal. I coped through:

Going to cafes/food chains with friends.

Enjoying how the sun sets and being able to watch the night come. 

Lastly, documenting.

I was not able to see the importance of being a teen until I noticed these little things that are happening in our daily life. It was all about the art of appreciation. All of us come to the end of our day just like when the night comes, we also need to be in the dark to be able to acknowledge the beauty of light. We have to experience being at our lowest to be grateful of our achievements. 

4. Conclusion. 

I finished my tenth grade with satisfaction in me. I was able to enjoy and achieve my goals and appreciate life up until now because of that realization that struck me last year. I realize that it was not my environment that put me under pressure but the thought of seeing myself as a failure. We have to feel difficulties on our downs to appreciate our ups, but we can somehow do both.

"Failing is better than not trying at all."

Links:

Photo 1. academic stress - Bing images

Photo 2. a girl starving cartoon image - Bing images