1lostone

[1lostone]

Philon Awards 2025: Nominations Phase opens on 1 June

KiScon is honoured to once again host the Philon Awards. Originally established by Jenna Sinclair and Shelley Butler in 1997, this annual event's purpose is to honour outstanding authors and artists in K/S fandom.

Important Philon dates: Nominations: 1 June – 31 July, 2025. Voting: 10 August – 10 October, 2025. Eligibility (works created & published): 1 September 2024 – 31 July 2025.

There are 11 categories: Ficlet (word count under 1K) Short fic (word count 1K–5K) Medium-length fic (word count 5K–10K) Long fic (word count 10K–20K) Novella (word count 20K–50K) Novel (word count over 50K) Podfic Traditional Art Digital Art Poetry Zines For each category the voters will determine a Gold (first place) and a Silver (second place) winner.

Rules: Nominating and Voting:

Nominations are open from 1 June to 31 July, 2025. Each fan can nominate up to 3 works per category, but you cannot nominate the same work twice.

For a work to make it onto the voting ballot, it needs at least 3 nominations. Before we add it to the ballot, we will get in touch with the creator to ask whether they are fine with this! 

Voting is open from 10 August to 10 October, 2025.

The winners will be announced during KiScon 2025. Each winner will receive a certificate and a small prize.

It bears repeating: One person —> one submission of the nominations form. Same for voting: one person —> one submission of the voting ballot. Please do not attempt to game the system by using multiple accounts; we see this and it makes us question the future of the Philon Awards.

Nominating and voting both take place via Google Forms, and you need to be logged in and enter either your AO3 or your Discord name on the form in order to submit the nominations; this ensures that people do not nominate or vote multiple times for the same work. If we suspect sockpuppet activity, we will get in touch for clarification. We keep the nomination and voting process completely confidential! Only the KiScon concom will see the submitted forms.

While *we* won't talk about who nominated what, *you* can still discuss your faves and promote them, if you feel comfortable doing so. Making fellow fans aware of great works and sharing why you love and want to nominate them, is encouraged.

You can submit the nominations form only once, but you can edit your response if you need to add or change something (just follow the link in the email you receive after submitting the form). Please make sure to include every fanwork you want to see on the shortlist. You cannot edit your responses after nominations have closed (31 July 2025, end of day, timezone: Anywhere on Earth, i.e. UTC -12).

To answer a question we receive frequently: yes, you *can* nominate (and vote for) your own work(s). We won't judge you. ;-) 

Fanworks:

The work must focus on the pairing Kirk/Spock or Kirk & Spock. Slash (romantic and/or sexual relationship) and gen (friendship) are equally eligible. If a fic includes Kirk and/or Spock in relationships with other characters, be they canonical or original, this does not disqualify the work for the Philon Awards, as long as the focus is clearly on Kirk and Spock's relationship. 

Art must feature Kirk or Spock or both of them; additional characters in the artwork are allowed, but no depiction of Kirk/Other or Spock/Other.

All universes are welcome: TOS (series and movies), TAS, and reboot, Discovery and Strange New Worlds. AUs and mirror universe are equally allowed. Crossovers between different Trek franchises or between Trek and other media are permitted, as long as Kirk and Spock are the work's main characters.

RPF works (e.g. Shatnoy) are not eligible.

All ratings and genres are allowed. If a work among your nominations includes strong elements that would merit a warning on the AO3 (e.g. rape, major character death etc.), we'd appreciate a heads-up on the nominations form, so that we can make sure to include the warning on the shortlist. 

The work must be complete. It can be part of a series, but the work itself must not be a WIP (missing chapters or a draft/unfinished sketch).

Eligibility: The work must have been created and published (print or online) after last year's nomination period. So, everything from 1 September 2024 onwards until the end of the current nomination phase (31 July 2025) is eligible. Reprints or uploads of earlier works (e.g. a fic you wrote and published a few years ago and uploaded to the AO3 only recently) cannot take part in this contest. If a multi-chapter fic was started earlier, but the date of completion falls within the eligible range, then it can also be nominated.

For podfic the creation/publication date of the actual podfic counts, not of the written fic that inspired it.

AI-generated works are NOT allowed.

Traditional art means that it was hand-drawn or hand-painted; scanning or photographing the finished work in order to publish it online is allowed, of course.

With digital art, we mean art that was created by a fan artist directly on a tablet or computer, or art that started out as hand-drawn and underwent significant digital alterations in the next steps. We do NOT allow AI-generated art! Manips based on still images or photos of the actors are not eligible in this contest.

Zines: Both e-zines and print zines published between 1 September 2024 and 31 July 2025 are eligible.

Last but not least: these awards are meant to be fun and a celebration of the K/S fandom. The shortlist will double as lovely rec list! We get to talk about our faves and let the creators know that we love their works. You can fill in the nominations form embedded on the KiScon website, or directly access it at this link.

[1lostone]

Thank you so much for the rec!! 💕💕🩷

I'm looking for some Sterek with soft Derek and happy endings. You know, the perfect mushy read after something dark and angst-ridden.

Okay, settle in for Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts time

Physical Touch by mybestfriendsarebooks

Scott has noticed that Derek isn't big on physical affection. Scott and the others had made peace with that and knew when not to push or back away quickly. One person seems to be the exception. Scott notices the progression of this affection over the years.

The Words You Speak by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella)

Stiles just stared at her. “Derek’s a Werewolf, why the hell would he be in the hospital?” Melissa gave him an odd look, then turned to Scott for help, who looked just as lost. At least it wasn’t another one of Stiles’ oblivious moments, though considering Scott’s IQ, it wasn’t exactly hard to be down at his level. Melissa turned back to Stiles, still looking confused. “Whenever Derek has a bad day, he always goes to the postnatal ward at the hospital. He likes being around all the babies, and he’s actually really good with them. The women up there love him, he can get the crying ones to stop in a second. Not sure if it’s a wolf thing or a Derek thing, but it’s very sweet.” Derek did what now? “Did you both not know this?” Melissa turned to include Scott in her inquiry. “He’s been doing this for well over a year, I figured you knew.”

Ain't Nothing so Good as the Cake and Eating it by sofonisba_found

Derek thinks he's doing alright in life, with his family at his side and a job he loves. Despite his family's concerns he remains adamant that he doesn't need a mate, afraid to take the risk of letting anyone close enough to try to hurt his family again. That is until he realizes that his true mate has been right under his nose for years, and that now through his inaction he may lose him.

what a big heart i have (better to love you with) by crazyassmurdererwall (smartalli)

Stiles has a massive thing for Derek Hale. This is not news. Stiles, after all, has been carrying a torch for Derek ever since they bumped into each other at a taco cart at the start of his freshman year. But what is news? With no hope of ever capturing Derek’s attention, Stiles is thinking it might be time to let that torch go. Try to let it burn out. (Derek might have something to say about that.)

Three Lost Kids, Two Minute Noodles and One Hot Mate. by MysticEdge

Stiles is leaving a local store and he notices a toddler wandering the parking lot by himself. worried for the childs safety he rushes to him to discover the child had wandered away from his mother’s mini van. Doors are wide open. Upon closer inspection looks like there are 2 more kids in the car crying because the mother is laying face down in the back. Like she passed out after putting 2 of the 3 kids in the car. Frantic he calls his father while checking to see if the mother is breathing. The mother is Laura Hale. No Hale fire, Derek is still weary with people as Kate attempted to set the fire but was thwarted. Stiles meets Derek for the first time when he’s called to the hospital for Laura and the children.

Little Promises by crossroadswrite

Derek doesn’t really know what happened. He just knows there was a lady and she was pretty but she was also really mean and she was trying to hurt his friends. “Holy fuck,” Erica mutters and is harshly shushed by Isaac. “Don’t swear in front of the kid.” “It’s not a kid,” Erica counters. “It’s just-“ “Derek?”

You Fit Me Better by Rena

Five times Stiles and Derek ended up wearing each others clothes on accident, and one time it's deliberate.

Of Puppy Piles and Sugar Dreams by StarShineForMe

In which Isaac and Scott get de-aged, the pack must learn to bond and protect their own, and Derek ("Dewek!") and Stiles ("Sti-ewes!") are mates…even if it takes them forever and two toddlers to realize it. “Oh, God.” Stiles buries his face in his hands, water dripping down his wrists. “What? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Derek whips out a towel, wrapping it around Stiles’ forearms, pulling them away from Stiles’ body so he can look them over. “I’m fine,” Stiles says, a little blankly. Erica and Boyd have set Issac and Scott back onto the floor, tickling them both into fits of giggles. He huffs out a noise that’s not quite a whimper, not quite a laugh. “Just wondering when the hell I ended up in my very own episode of ‘Teen Mom’.”

Have I entered an alternate universe or did you really just crack a smile for me? by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella)

So if his dad hadn’t been the one to come home and get him into bed properly, and was now making him breakfast, then who…? Seriously, his embarrassment level couldn’t get any lower at this point. It was bad enough to imagine it was his dad, but to know Scott had come to take care of him was worse. But not nearly as bad as the absolute horror and astronomical levels of embarrassment when Stiles walked into the kitchen and found Derek at the stove making French toast. Because of course it was Derek. If someone was going to see Stiles naked and passed out cold on his bed, why wouldn’t it be Derek? His long-time crush and provider of fap material? Sure, why not, life wasn’t horrible enough yet, might as well make it downright dreadful!

The by kaistrex (weishen)

Snippets of the lives of four-year-old Derek and baby Stiles as they grow up together.

Finding Home by captaintinymite (augopher)

To teach them a lesson, a pair of mischievous pixies hit Derek and Stiles with a spell that makes them six years old again. Neither of them remembers anything about their lives beyond that age. What happens when the pair of them become immediate friends and declare that when they grow up they will get married? Will they remember anything when the spell wears off?

A Slight Problem by kaistrex (weishen)

The Hale family dog takes a shine to seven-year-old Stiles.

Are You the One? by Venrajade

Derek's sister works for a television network with a dating show that claims that they are able to find someone's True Mate. Cora steals a scent sample from Derek and matches him to an Omega applying to the show with a 99% chance of them being mates. Which means Derek is now a reality dating show star. Shit.

Sometimes Not Seeing Is Believing by FeelingFredly

Stiles gave him a lopsided grin. “I wouldn’t poison you, Der.” His grin turned sharp and sharklike. “At least not much. I just need to test it on you to make sure it will work on other weres.” Derek snorted. “And you didn’t think Peter would be a better target for your experiments?” That got him a shrugged shoulder. “He offered, but I didn’t think it was a good idea.” ---or that time when an invisibility potion helped Derek see things a lot more clearly.

Slugs, and Snails, and Puppy Dog Tails by yodasyoyo

kid!Derek being super taken with kid!Stiles. And their interactions.

We're Like Milo and Otis by tabbytabbytabby

Stiles and Derek meet each other before they can even talk. With Claudia being the Hale family Emissary, Stiles spends most of his time with the Hales. Stiles and Derek are immediately inseparable. Stiles learns early on that his magic reacts to Derek more than anyone else and because of that he is able to shift into a fox and go on adventures with Derek. Those adventures aren't always safe but one thing is certain, they'll always look out for each other.

Five Times Stiles Needed A Crash Course On Wolfy Behavior and the One Time He Figured Shit Out by 1lostone

Pretty much what it says on the tin. Written for hungrylikethewolfie (ladyblahblah) who had a bad day and requested possessive!Derek and Oblivious!Stiles.

Lying (By Omission) by redezon

College fic where Stiles has an adorable girlfriend. Only ‘D’ isn’t adorable. Or his girlfriend. Or: Five times people talk about Stiles’s mysterious significant other, and one time they actually see them.

and i'll just keep on stumblin' (right now it feels too humblin') by dee_lirious

Derek Hale is pretty much the worst person in the world to hypothetically develop a crush on, being a murder suspect, a dangerous werewolf, a weirdo who stalks people from the treeline, and also living in a train car, Jesus Christ. (In response to jennova's prompt: Five times Stiles tries to make Derek smile and one time he succeeds but doesn’t notice because kissing or something.)

Loud Love

There wasn’t a single moment when they weren’t touching. They didn’t notice anyone — obsessed with each other, they were blind to all jealousy. The circle of one another’s arms encapsulated their world. Close, tight, inseparable. They didn’t care if someone watched them, both lost in each other, entrapped.

Other fic recs: angsty fics + pt2 | possessive Derek | historical AU | baby/mpreg | outsider POV | smut | mafia | hurt/comfort | magical!Stiles | Stiles gets kicked out of the pack | BAMF!Stiles + pt2 | omegaverse | witch!Stiles | creature!Stiles + pt2 | oblivious!Stiles | bad friend Scott | pack mom!Stiles | unrequited love | werewolf!Stiles | dark sterek | single parent!Stiles | feral Derek | arranged marriage | Stiles is underestimated | mpreg w/o abo | accidental knotting | jock!Derek | jock!Stiles | alive Hales | spanking | royal abo au | longfic | void!Stiles | sheriff dissaproves | Stiles doesn't know about werewolves

[1lostone]

It really is crazy how if you mention you write fanfiction with people outside fandom, they're always like "you should change the names and try to sell it." It misses the point (fun), but more importantly to me, I get slightly (and I know irrationally) insulted on a craft level. Excuse me, my fanfic is entwined with the canon, thank you very much. I wish sometimes less entwined. You wouldn't believe the stupid bullshit some of my fics have to include because of canon.

[1lostone]

Guys, I'm writing TWD again. Well, it's a crossover with Trek, but I'm obsessed. My posting schedule will be more of a schedule rather than a hot mess here in a week or so, and it's a wip. So if either of those two things didn't scare you off...

(if anyone would like to do fanart that would be amazing!)

[1lostone]

KiScon 2025 Art Show + Auction

As KiScon 2025 is a purely online con, both the art show and the auction will take place in a virtual format. In the following, we are trying to explain everything as clearly and concisely as we can. Here is the complete information if you prefer to look at our website! Should you still have questions that have not been answered here, please get in touch with us at artshow@kiscon.org.

The highlights:

For all submissions to the art show, please use our online form. Hard deadline: 15 September 2025.

You can sell artworks at the auction that are not featured in the art show, and you can submit art to the art show that is not for sale. You do not need to be a registered attendee to submit art to the art show or to the auction!

You can submit both digital art and traditional art that feature Kirk or Spock or both (K/S or K&S) that you created (paintings, drawings/prints, but also three-dimensional artworks like sculptures, amigurumi, fibre craft, jewellery etc.); the latter needs to be either scanned or photographed

 If you would like to see for yourself what this art show will be like, please have a look at our 2022, 2023, or 2024 vid. We do not accept AI-generated art for the art show!

For the Auction, you do not need to be a registered attendee to offer items in the auction, but only attendees are able to bid on items.

You can see all the auction specifications here!

[1lostone]

K/S Zine call for submissions, part II!

Co editors, 1lostone and Alice West have created this super-nifty Writer's guide to serve as a springboard and style guide for the KiScon zine. Now that Spring Fever is over, we hope to have all the lovely submissions come trickling in like... erm. well.

You can find more info on the zine guidelines here! You do not have to attend the con if you want to submit to the zine!

[1lostone]

*looks at date*

Hello my lovelies. Today is 3/18, roughly 7 pm EST. This is your final, final frontier reminder to reach out to me if you are having any issues with posting your spring fever fills. I can help, but not if you don't tell me! I would ask that you either poke me on discord or msg me directly so I make sure I get it. Or if you need it, my email is 1lostone at kiscon dot org.

~1lostone

[1lostone]

Yes, he is here. But he is still gone: The Five Stages of Grief (and Seven Sorrows) of Heartbroken Kirk. Part 4 of my thoughts about TMP.

(Once again, a verrrrrrrrry long post for people like me who are into that sort of thing; abandon all hope ye who enter here, etc., etc. This is the latest in a long series of posts about my theories that the end of Season 3 of TOS details a Spirk breakup arc that remains unresolved at the end of the series, then comes to a head in TMP, where we now find ourselves. Get comfortable and enjoy.)

Yes. Kirk still thinks about Spock sometimes.

How could he not? They were once deeply, desperately, hopelessly in love. But the mission always came first. Neither of them knew themselves as well as they should. Mistakes were made. Feelings, which never should have existed in the first place, were excruciatingly hurt. A wedge came between them, and their love went down in metaphorical flames. Spock learned that love is a double-edged sword of both ecstasy and misery, both of which can kill. And so he decided to leave it all behind.

When Spock made the decision to leave for kolinahr, he made it clear that this tie was to be severed forever. Kirk cried for days (mostly to himself, once or twice to McCoy). Spock resolved to give up everything, including any chance at ever loving anyone again. Perhaps that made Kirk saddest of all, not that their own love ended; he could have been okay with it if he had known that Spock was happier somewhere else. But he cried for Spock, because Spock would never love at all, not ever again.

Yes, love can hurt. Kirk knows. They are two sides of the same coin. And yet, love is always worth it.

Spock disagreed.

All his life, Spock pulled his pain tighter and tighter around him until he wore it like a second skin. Eventually it was just part of who he was. This allowed him to pretend that it was invisible to both himself and others. That it no longer existed. Even as it suffocated him.

For years he has been telling himself that love is only pain by another name. He has worked toward the goal of letting go of both completely. If love is gone, he believes, then pain will be gone too.

And yet, when faced with the moment of truth, the exact time to let go of love for the last time, the final time he would ever permit himself to think of his treasured friend, brother, lover; he can't do it.

He can't let go after all. He must go to him.

He tells himself it's, again, for the mission. The mission has always come first. It's not for Kirk. It's not for love. It couldn't be. That would be illogical. That is not sufficient motivation for the persona he has carefully constructed for himself over years of discipline and practice.

And yet, his t'hy'la is calling, and so he must go.

Yes. It has been years.

But yes, Kirk still thinks of Spock sometimes. How could he not? He was the most beautiful soul he ever encountered in all of his years of searching. He thinks of the long taut curve of his back bent over his calculations, the winding well-ordered hallways of his brilliant mind, the way that mind could always make him feel safe by making sense of the chaos around them, the electric zinging ache deep in his body every time they touched. Those desperate, intimate, fleeting moments when Spock allowed himself to truly see and truly be seen, to truly touch and truly be touched, to truly love and truly be loved, by Kirk alone. The exquisite romance of exploring one another as they explored the universe together. Of learning what it means to be human, together.

It is bittersweet, because all of that is just a memory now.

Yes, love can hurt. Kirk knows. They are two sides of the same coin. And yet, love is always worth it.

Even if it is all over now.

And yet, one of Kirk's wildest dreams has already come true: He is back on the bridge of the Enterprise, sitting in the big chair, reliving the fulfillment of his past, feeling that adrenaline surge of being in command and facing certain death in the hope of saving the day.

And yet, he can't fully enjoy it. He keeps thinking, "I wish Spock were here." He specifically requests a Vulcan science officer. The ship faces an antimatter imbalance problem that even Scotty can't crack, that he knows Spock would have been able to fix. And, as always, there's the loneliness.

Suddenly, Spock is at the forefront of his mind. The fulfillment of this dream of return is incomplete without Spock at his side.

Does he allow himself to indulge a silly fantasy, that Spock would somehow materialize on the bridge? In his fantasy, does Spock profess his love, his willingness to take the bad with the good, to accept Kirk as he is, to accept love as it is, and to never, ever leave again?

Did Kirk ever imagine, after all these years, that this other wildly hopeless dream could also come true, even partially?

And so, when Spock all at once imposes himself on the bridge, fantasy and reality collide. There stands before Kirk an otherworldly vision in black robes, with cheekbones that cut like glass and eyes that stare straight through to the soul. And Kirk nearly loses his mind. And he knows what he has always known deep within himself: once and for all time, he is deeply in love with Spock.

And now, wonder of wonders, Spock is here.

But it's not the happy reunion that Kirk wants. It is not a homecoming, or a recommitment to love and to life. Like the Nomad probe in season 2 of TOS, this moment is a Changeling, like the old earth legends. A fairy child, left in place of a human baby, that assumed the identity of the human child.

The Spock that walks through that door is not the Spock in his mind. He is not his Spock.

Welcome to Stage One:

Denial

Kirk's jaw drops. He breathes Spock's name out like a prayer. His entire body snaps to attention. He whispers; no, he exhales, Spock's name again, like it is a deep breath he has been holding for years. He would kiss him if he could. He would have him right here on the bridge, even in front of all these people. He would hold him in his arms and cry into his neck for hours.

But Spock's only response is to meet Kirk's gaze and square his shoulders. He doesn't say a single word in response.

And yet, Kirk is brimming with hope. This person, this love, that he thought he lost forever has just walked back in the door and now anything is possible. There is suddenly a light in Kirk's eyes that we have not seen at all so far in this movie.

As Spock busies himself at the science station, Kirk looks like he is about to burst into tears of joy. He can barely believe it as he says the words reinstating Spock's Starfleet commission and position as science officer.

What is he trying to say to Spock privately, through their telepathic bond in his mind? My t'hy'la my love my Spock I've missed you I can't believe you're here There is a hole in my soul that only you can fill Please stay please stay please stay forever I love you.

But Spock does not answer, neither out loud nor through the bond in their minds. Kirk's outpouring is met with a wall of stony silence. Spock's shields are raised in every sense.

When McCoy and Chapel come in to greet Spock, he looks around for a moment like a trapped animal before fleeing for the door, explaining that he needs to consult with engineering. There is not a single extraneous word. There is no greeting. No warmth, no soul, all mission.

And then, suddenly, Kirk begins to understand.

This is not a happy ending; this is not a homecoming. This is a tragedy. This is a train wreck.

Nothing is forgiven. Nothing is forgotten. To Spock, love is still only pain.

Yes, he is here. But he is still gone.

And the foolish hope fades from Kirk's face. But he isn't ready to give up yet.

Welcome to Stage Two:

Anger

Oh. So you're only back for the job. Is that it? You can't even look me in the eye and say hello? Does friend, brother, lover mean nothing to you?

You'll remember that I wrote about how Spock's internal conflict during his breakup with Kirk is presented in the episode All Our Yesterdays as an allegorical journey into hell through the Seven Deadly Sins. Here is another religious allegory; the Seven Sorrows, which encompass seven painful but meaningful moments represented as seven metaphorical swords in the heart. The bookend to Spock's experience of the Seven Deadly Sins is this: Kirk's experience of Seven Sorrows, seven metaphorical knives in the heart given to him in rapid succession by Spock's return.

Spock's cold demeanor on the bridge, his rejection of Kirk's warmth, is the first of Kirk's Seven Sorrows, the first knife that his reunion with Spock plunges into his heart.

As Spock walks into the turbolift, Kirk sends out one last desperate grab for connection. His face is screwed up with pain and anger and betrayal as he says, "Mr. Spock. Welcome aboard."

Spock does not even turn around.

This rejection is the second Sorrow, the second knife that Spock plunges into Kirk's heart.

(Interlude)

Let's take a step back from Kirk and consider Spock for a moment. Is he, in his pain, punishing Kirk on purpose? Maybe. Is he simply acting in the way his kolinahr training has prepared him, bringing some of this stoic discipline back to the secular world with him? Possibly. Is he hurting and suffering, and as always, trying to suppress it? Definitely.

In the past, Kirk was his safe person. He is no longer. Spock is overcome with pain of the memories of the way that things ended between them. This has gone beyond the usual walls he has with everyone; where Kirk is concerned, Spock has built his metaphorical walls even higher and stronger and covered them in concertina wire.

Think also of his complicated feelings about his failure to reach kolinahr. It feels like a failure to truly be Vulcan; a failure of the main goal of his life. Perhaps he still thinks that he can make his way back there after completing this last mission. He can't let Kirk in at all; it would destroy any small chance he still has of accomplishing that goal. So he goes on the offensive against Kirk.

For the next scene, Spock busies himself right away with correcting the antimatter imbalance and fixing the ship. Kirk continues his duties on the bridge.

But Kirk is still deep in the anger phase a short while later, when he and McCoy are waiting for Spock in the officer's lounge. Kirk paces nervously while McCoy tucks himself in a corner. When Spock enters, Kirk freezes.

"Science officer Spock, reporting as ordered, Captain."

Spock announces himself formally, saying his own name and position out loud, as if Kirk doesn't already know who he is. This is the third knife in Kirk's heart: You, Captain, are a stranger to me.

A wave of hurt and anger washes over Kirk's face.

Bargaining

Because the stages of grief are not linear, and not very sharply defined and separate, Kirk has one foot in Anger and one foot in Bargaining in this part of the scene.

"Please, sit down."

Spock doesn't refuse outright, he doesn't confront him; he simply stares into Kirk's eyes for a moment and remains standing as he trades sarcastic barbs with McCoy. Kirk gestures at the couch and McCoy obediently takes a seat.

Bones, as usual, is trying to hide his feelings in that caustic humor. Spock, meanwhile, has repressed his feelings very deep within himself, as always. Kirk, however, is an open book, and the heartbreak on his face is enough for all three of them.

It used to be that Spock knew and did what Kirk wanted and needed before he even asked for it. Now, Kirk asking him to sit down is a friendly invitation, not an order, and Spock is making a small but pointed show of defiance. You can't influence me. You will get no favors from me. If this isn't coming from you as a direct order from my commanding officer, I don't have to do it.

Ignoring Kirk's friendly invitation to sit down is the Fourth Sorrow, the fourth knife in Kirk's heart.

Kirk and McCoy are trying to make sense of why Spock is there, what happened to his choice to pursue kolinahr, but Spock doesn't provide any explanation. Kirk invites him a second time: "Sit down." This time, Kirk also sits down in demonstration, casually perching on the arm of the couch in an attempt to hide the desperate gravity that he feels in this situation.

But Spock, once again, does not sit down. It is, again, a small act of defiance. Once, long ago, he would mirror his body to Kirk's even in the most casual of situations. He would study his arms and copy them. He would study his stance and stand the same way. They would move in unison without ever thinking about it or mentioning it.

Once, long ago, he would do anything, just because Kirk was doing it. Now, he is saying, I am my own person. I will move independently of you. I will sit when I please.

Spock rejecting Kirk's second request, as well as his bodily cues, is the fifth knife in Kirk's heart.

Kirk and McCoy continue talking through their confusion about what Spock is doing there. But they ask no direct questions, and Spock volunteers no explanation. Finally, Kirk completely loses any vestiges of his external cool and begs Spock to sit down a third time, drowning in anger and exasperation: "Will you, please... sit... down!"

It's not just about the sitting down. This is the bargaining phase of Kirk's grief. If he could at least get him on the same page about sitting down together, maybe they could get on the same page about more important things. It is another desperate plea for connection. He is asking him, Are you here to stay? Or will you leave me again? Could you please at least commit to this conversation with me if you can't commit beyond that?

Spock finally sits, but it's too late. Kirk has lost his cool and Spock has won this round. Kirk knows this, and the fact that Spock is keeping score is the sixth knife in his heart. But he still has one more bargaining chip to play. He stares deeply into Spock's eyes. What is he saying to him? Spock, it's me. Let me in. Please.

Spock finally looks away and starts talking. He explains the telepathic events that led him back to the Enterprise. He explains that he hears the thoughts of The Intruder, and implies that those thoughts are what led him back to the Enterprise. But the Motion Picture Novelization specifically explains that it was Kirk's thoughts he was hearing through their bond that brought him back. He doesn't offer details in either case, but he does inform Kirk and McCoy of his telepathic connection to The Intruder. McCoy tries to break the tension with another wisecrack and Kirk shuts him down.

"Bones!" he says sideways over his shoulder. "We need him."

He turns to Spock and leans forward onto his own knees, making that deep, intense eye contact that, for them, is another form of communication.

"I need him," Kirk says.

This is a coded message. There are several places in the series and the movies where Kirk says to Spock (and occasionally to McCoy), "I need you." Any time Kirk says, "I need you," what he means is, "I love you."

This is Kirk's last bargaining chip. Love is the last salvo in his arsenal.

But it is telling that he doesn't say, "I need you," to Spock. He says, "I need him," of Spock, while looking directly at Spock, but he is technically saying it to McCoy. Kirk is cautious; he is wounded. And he is terrified of saying the wrong thing and sending skittish Spock running yet again. So he tells him, subtly, indirectly, "I love you. I still love you. Do what you will with that information."

Spock's answer is cold, professional, focused on the mission: "Then my presence is to our mutual advantage."

Kirk understands. His face falls slack. He narrows his eyes. The confusion is gone. But also, the hope is gone. All that is left is pain. This is the Seventh Sorrow, the final knife in his heart. He suddenly realizes that all the hope he felt when Spock arrived on the bridge was foolish and pointless.

Just as he realized earlier on the bridge: Yes, Spock is here. But he is still gone.

And so is Kirk's hope of the two of them bouncing back from this. His tone changes again. Welcome to stage four:

Depression

Kirk is defeated, deflated. He gives up trying to reach Spock, for now. He is resigned, matching Spock's calm, professional tone as he tells him what he needs from him for the mission.

"Of course, Captain," Spock answers. "Is there anything else?"

"No," Kirk answers, a little too quickly and a little too forcefully. It is, of course, a lie. There is so much else. He could fill a whole book with everything else he wants to say, with everything else that he needs from him.

But Spock accepts his answer and he slowly, heavily, gets up and walks out of the room. And Kirk watches him leave yet again.

And, because the stages of grief are not linear, bargaining again rears its head and Kirk springs to his feet, following Spock like a lost puppy. But McCoy, who knows all and sees all, who remembers the tears back when the wound was still fresh, stops him. He knows that it would do no good.

So Kirk puts on his best professional face, his best Admiral persona. He compartmentalizes his grief so that he is able to go to the bridge and sit mere feet away from the man he loves, who has actively decided to no longer love him back, and still face the mission like the seasoned professional he is.

The final stage of grief is, of course, acceptance. This will come later. It is a process.

Yes, love can hurt. Kirk knows. They are two sides of the same coin. And yet, he reminds himself, love is always worth it.

[1lostone]

February Self-Love challenge- Comments Made Them Do It!

For the month of February, we'd asked our KiScord members to bring a little self-love into their life. 😏 Here was the challenge: Think of a fanwork (fic, art, vid, podfic, etc.) you created that you would like to see more interaction with. Maybe it features a tag that isn't as popular. Maybe it just happened to be posted on a busy day and only a few people saw it. Maybe you're just really darn proud of it! For the purposes of this, we asked that the fanwork has been posted for at least four months. Inspired by and special thanks to the Voiceteam Mysterybox mods for their 'Spread Love' challenge.

ForFucksSakeJim https://archiveofourown.org/works/53646337 Rehek spaceisgay

(ChancellorGriffin) https://archiveofourown.org/works/51338008 Dona Eis Requiem

a_most_beloved_fool https://archiveofourown.org/works/56639134 Invitation

TLara (larissabernstein) https://archiveofourown.org/works/33695659 De Profundis — Letters from Gol

Ollie Aster (USS_Genderprise) https://archiveofourown.org/works/51400519 Feasts are Too Proud to Give Thanks to the Gods

Will_romeo_13 https://archiveofourown.org/works/56571364 Empire Now

self-made-purgatories https://www.tumblr.com/self-made-purgatories/772083898160136192/when-spock-and-kirk-are-reunited-in-the-motion?source=share The Five Stages of Grief (and Seven Sorrows) of Heartbroken Kirk.

Ollie Aster (USS_Genderprise) https://archiveofourown.org/works/44710981 And No One Will Know (But I Will Never Forget)

bersakhi23 https://archiveofourown.org/works/54584230 Starships, Shuttles, and Derelict Vehicles

Ollie Aster (USS_Genderprise) https://archiveofourown.org/works/53179678 And He Led the Flock Through the Desert

remylebae https://archiveofourown.org/works/54452800 what a glorious feeling

Lor Vee https://archiveofourown.org/works/54522868 Captains' Gambit [COMIC]

Purple_Enma https://www.tumblr.com/purpleenma/770039832288378880/in-the-grip-of-it-gensho-purpleenma-star?source=share art for In the Grip of It

Purple_Enma https://archiveofourown.org/works/63138901 [Art] Happy Valentine's Day

Purple_Enma https://archiveofourown.org/works/62709253 [Art] Prince Spock

[1lostone]

Hi! I just wanted to say that i have been consuming your rickyl fics at an insane speed, and that you are my favorite rickyl writer. I look forward to reading new fics from you in the future, thank you so much for your efforts and for sharing this with us.

Oh my goodness!! Thank you so much for sending this. It was such a serotonin boost on a day I really needed it. I poke around in different fandoms, and have a crossover fic I'm working on right now (and have been working for two months lol) but other than that I haven't jumped back into my Rickyl love in a hot minute.

[1lostone]

An oldie but a goodie

[1lostone]

sigh.

SO HERE IS THE WHOLE STORY (SO FAR).

I am on my knees begging you to reblog this post and to stop reblogging the original ones I sent out yesterday. This is the complete account with all the most recent info; the other one is just sending people down senselessly panicked avenues that no longer lead anywhere.

IN SHORT

Cliff Weitzman, CEO of Speechify and (aspiring?) voice actor, used AI to scrape thousands of popular, finished works off AO3 to list them on his own for-profit website and in his attached app. He did this without getting any kind of permission from the authors of said work or informing AO3. Obviously.

When fandom at large was made aware of his theft and started pushing back, Weitzman issued a non-apology on the original social media posts—using 

his dyslexia; 

his intent to implement a tip-system for the plagiarized authors; and 

a sudden willingness to take down the work of every author who saw my original social media posts and emailed him individually with a ‘valid’ claim,

as reasons we should allow him to continue monetizing fanwork for his own financial gain.

When we less-than-kindly refused, he took down his ‘apologies’ as well as his website (allegedly—it’s possible that our complaints to his web host, the deluge of emails he received or the unanticipated traffic brought it down, since there wasn’t any sort of official statement made about it), and when it came back up several hours later, all of the work formerly listed in the fan fiction category was no longer there. 

THE TAKEAWAYS

1. Cliff Weitzman (aka Ofek Weitzman) is a scumbag with no qualms about taking fanwork without permission, feeding it to AI and monetizing it for his own financial gain; 

2. Fandom can really get things done when it wants to, and 

3. Our fanworks appear to be hidden, but they’re NOT DELETED from Weitzman’s servers, and independently published, original works are still listed without the authors' permission. We need to hold this man responsible for his theft, keep an eye on both his current and future endeavors, and take action immediately when he crosses the line again. 

THE TIMELINE, THE DETAILS, THE SCREENSHOTS (behind the cut)

Sunday night, December 22nd 2024, I noticed an influx in visitors to my fic You & Me & Holiday Wine. When I searched the title online, hoping to find out where they came from, a new listing popped up (third one down, no less):

This listing is still up today, by the way, though now when you follow the link to word-stream, it just brings you to the main site. (Also, to be clear, this was not the cause for the influx of traffic to my fic; word-stream did not link back to the original work anywhere.)

I followed the link to word-stream, where to my horror Y&M&HW was listed in its entirety—though, beyond the first half of the first chapter, behind a paywall—along with a link promising to take me—through an app downloadable on the Apple Store—to an AI-narrated audiobook version. When I searched word-stream itself for my ao3 handle I found both of my multi-chapter fics were listed this way:

Because the tags on my fics (which included genres* and characters, but never the original IPs**) weren’t working, I put ‘Kara Danvers’ into the search bar and discovered that many more supercorp fics (Supergirl TV fandom, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor pairing) were listed.

I went looking online for any mention of word-stream and AI plagiarism (the covers—as well as the ridiculously inflated number of reviews and ratings—made it immediately obvious that AI fuckery was involved), but found almost nothing: only one single Reddit post had been made, and it received (at that time) only a handful of upvotes and no advice. 

I decided to make a tumblr post to bring the supercorp fandom up to speed about the theft. I draw as well as write for fandom and I’ve only ever had to deal with art theft—which has a clear set of steps to take depending on where said art was reposted—and I was at a loss regarding where to start in this situation.

After my post went up I remembered Project Copy Knight, which is worth commending for the work they’ve done to get fic stolen from AO3 taken down from monetized AI 'audiobook’ YouTube accounts. I reached out to @echoekhi, asking if they’d heard of this site and whether they could advise me on how to get our works taken down.

While waiting for a reply I looked into Copy Knight’s methods and decided to contact OTW’s legal department:

And then I went to bed.

By morning, tumblr friends @makicarn and @fazedlight as well as a very helpful tumblr anon had seen my post and done some very productive sleuthing:

@echoekhi had also gotten back to me, advising me, as expected, to contact the OTW. So I decided to sit tight until I got a response from them.

That response came only an hour or so later: 

Which was 100% understandable, but still disappointing—I doubted a handful of individual takedown requests would accomplish much, and I wasn’t eager to share my given name and personal information with Cliff Weitzman himself, which is unavoidable if you want to file a DMCA.

I decided to take it to Reddit, hoping it would gain traction in the wider fanfic community, considering so many fandoms were affected. My Reddit posts (with the updates at the bottom as they were emerging) can be found here and here.

A helpful Reddit user posted a guide on how users could go about filing a DMCA against word-stream here (to wobbly-at-best results)

A different helpful Reddit user signed up to access insight into word-streams pricing. Comment is here.

Smells unbelievably scammy, right? In addition to those audacious prices—though in all fairness any amount of money would be audacious considering every work listed is accessible elsewhere for free—my dyscalculia is screaming silently at the sight of that completely unnecessary amount of intentionally obscured numbers.

Speaking of which! As soon as the post on r/AO3—and, as a result, my original tumblr post—began taking off properly, sometime around 1 pm, jumpscare! A notification that a tumblr account named @cliffweitzman had commented on my post, and I got a bit mad about the gist of his message :

Fortunately he caught plenty of flack in the comments from other users (truly you should check out the comment section, it is extremely gratifying and people are making tremendously good points), in response to which, of course, he first tried to both reiterate and renegotiate his point in a second, longer comment (which I didn’t screenshot in time so I’m sorry for the crappy notification email formatting):

which he then proceeded to also post to Reddit (this is another Reddit user’s screenshot, I didn’t see it at all, the notifications were moving too fast for me to follow by then)

... where he got a roughly equal amount of righteously furious replies. (Check downthread, they're still there, all the way at the bottom.)

After which Cliff went ahead & deleted his messages altogether. 

It’s not entirely clear whether his account was suspended by Reddit soon after or whether he deleted it himself, but considering his tumblr account is still intact, I assume it’s the former. He made a handful of sock puppet accounts to play around with for a while, both on Reddit and Tumblr, only one of which I have a screenshot of, but since they all say roughly the same thing, you’re not missing much:

And then word-stream started throwing a DNS error.

That lasted for a good number of hours, which was unfortunately right around the time that a lot of authors first heard about the situation and started asking me individually how to find out whether their work was stolen too. I do not have that information and I am unclear on the perimeters Weitzman set for his AI scraper, so this is all conjecture: it LOOKS like the fics that were lifted had three things in common:

They were completed works;

They had over several thousand kudos on AO3; and

They were written by authors who had actively posted or updated work over the past year.

If anyone knows more about these perimeters or has info that counters my observation, please let me know!

I finally thought to check/alert evil Twitter during this time, and found out that the news was doing the rounds there already. I made a quick thread summarizing everything that had happened just in case. You can find it here.

I went to Bluesky too, where fandom was doing all the heavy lifting for me already, so I just reskeeted, as you do, and carried on.

Sometime in the very early evening, word-stream went back up—but the fan fiction category was nowhere to be seen. Tentative joy and celebration!***

That’s when several users—the ones who had signed up for accounts to gain intel and had accessed their own fics that way—reported that their work could still be accessed through their history. Relevant Reddit post here.

Sooo—

We’re obviously not done. The fanwork that was stolen by Weitzman may be inaccessible through his website right now, but they aren’t actually gone. And the fact that Weitzman wasn’t willing to get rid of them altogether means he still has plans for them. 

This was my final edit on my Reddit post before turning off notifications, and it's pretty much where my head will be at for at least the foreseeable future:

Please feel free to add info in the comments, make your own posts, take whatever action you want to take to protect your work. I only beg you—seriously, I’m on my knees here—to not give up like I saw a handful of people express the urge to do. Keep sharing your creative work and remain vigilant and stay active to make sure we can continue to do so freely. Visit your favorite fics, and the ones you’ve kept in your ‘marked for later’ lists but never made time to read, and leave kudos, leave comments, support your fandom creatives, celebrate podficcers and support AO3. We created this place and it’s our responsibility to keep it alive and thriving for as long as we possibly can.

Also FUCK generative AI. It has NO place in fandom spaces.

THE 'SMALL' PRINT (some of it in all caps):

*Weitzman knew what he was doing and can NOT claim ignorance. One, it’s pretty basic kindergarten stuff that you don’t steal some other kid’s art project and present it as your own only to act surprised when they protest and then tell the victim that they should have told you sooner that they didn’t want their project stolen. And two, he was very careful never to list the IPs these fanworks were based on, so it’s clear he was at least familiar enough with the legalities to not get himself in hot water with corporate lawyers. Fucking over fans, though, he figured he could get away with that. 

**A note about the AI that Weitzman used to steal our work: it’s even greasier than it looks at first glance. It’s not just the method he used to lift works off AO3 and then regurgitate onto his own website and app. Looking beyond the untold horrors of his AI-generated cover ‘art’, in many cases these covers attempt to depict something from the fics in question that can’t be gleaned from their summaries alone. In addition, my fics (and I assume the others, as well) were listed with generated genres; tags that did not appear anywhere in or on my fic on AO3 and were sometimes scarily accurate and sometimes way off the mark. I remember You & Me & Holiday Wine had ‘found family’ (100% correct, but not tagged by me as such) and I believe The Shape of Soup was listed as, among others, ‘enemies to friends to lovers’ and ‘love triangle’ (both wildly inaccurate). Even worse, not all the fic listed (as authors on Reddit pointed out) came with their original summaries at all. Often the entire summary was AI-generated. All of these things make it very clear that it was an all-encompassing scrape—not only were our fics stolen, they were also fed word-for-word into the AI Weitzman used and then analyzed to suit Weitzman’s needs. This means our work was literally fed to this AI to basically do with whatever its other users want, including (one assumes) text generation. 

***Fan fiction appears to have been made (largely) inaccessible on word-stream at this time, but I’m hearing from several authors that their original, independently published work, which is listed at places like Kindle Unlimited, DOES still appear in word-stream’s search engine. This obviously hurts writers, especially independent ones, who depend on these works for income and, as a rule, don’t have a huge budget or a legal team with oceans of time to fight these battles for them. If you consider yourself an author in the broader sense, beyond merely existing online as a fandom author, beyond concerns that your own work is immediately at risk, DO NOT STOP MAKING NOISE ABOUT THIS.

Again, please, please PLEASE reblog this post instead of the one I sent originally. All the information is here, and it's driving me nuts to see the old ones are still passed around, sending people on wild goose chases.

Thank you all so much.

[1lostone]

Guys I have so much joy.in no particular order: @voiceteam mystery box 2024 starts soon, a donor fully funded one of my projects for work, I now own a life-sized cardboard cutout of David Tennant, out of nowhere I sprung almost 5,000 words of the spirk zombie au I’ve been threatening (promising?) for almost 8 years into being, @ksadvent is almost over (that one is sad bit it means that I’ll have so much awesomeness to read!!!) and it’s almost time to announce the new stuff for the 2025 KS Zine!! Wheeeeeeee!

[1lostone]

AHHHHHHH!!!!!

KISCON 2025!!!

Save the date: 31 October – 2 November 2025 Entirely online!

REGISTRATION OPEN

After the great success of our hybrid KiScon 2024 in Seattle, we return to your computer for an online convention in 2025. Join us for another intense weekend filled with fun, games, panels, competitions, and shows – and thanks to Zoom and Discord you can join us right from your computer or mobile device, no matter where on Terra you are.

If you have never taken part in an online convention before: fear not, we are here to guide you through everything step by step, and we will organise training sessions so you can get familiar with the technology before the convention weekend.

[1lostone]

here we gooooO!

Day 3 Is Here!!!!

It's the third of December and we turn up the heat. Today you get a fic and a poem!

Title: Hot and Bothered Author: remylebae Fandom: Star Trek: The Original Series Rating: Explicit Words: 8,393 Summary: Jim and Spock manage to get a reservation for one of the most sought after vacation destinations in the universe: the luxury pods orbiting Tau Nu Prime II. With a day of shore leave to enjoy themselves, Jim plans on making the most of his alone time with Spock, with snowball fights, bad rom-coms, and sex. It seems the thermostat has other ideas. In response to a prompt by gunstreet. Title: All I’ll Ever Need Author: ForFucksSakeJim Fandom: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Words: 113 Summary: In which Spock looks into Jim eyes and knows he’s in love. In response to a prompt by ForFucksSakeJim.

[1lostone]

It's Heeeeere!!!!

Day 2 is here!

For the second day of December you get a fic and a poem to shoo away the Monday-blues!

Title: The Day of C'Thia Author: Orabla Fandom: Star Trek: The Original Series Rating: Explicit Words: 3,324 Summary: After retrieving Kirk from the interphase and lying to him about his last orders, Spock finally has a moment alone with his captain and beloved. They talk, have sex, fight, talk, have sex... you know, just the ordinary routine after this nearly dying / nearly losing you thing... ;-) In response to a prompt by Orabla. Title: Snowflakes Did Not Fall Author: ForFucksSakeJim Fandom: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Words: 144 Summary: I recall the winters of my youth On a planet where snowflakes Did not fall upon the ground. In response to a prompt by ForFucksSakeJim.

[1lostone]

ugh the things I’ll do for achievements....