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[2n2n]

ch. 113

I do have a serious family emergency going on IRL at the moment. But wouldn't you know it, the chapter is the day before I have to make a trip about it. So I can have a brief respite from scary & stressful things....

we see Amane at the 81st annual festival. Our current festival is the 113th. the Amane we see here would be ~27. (remember, Amane would be ~60 years old if he were alive in the 'present' of JSHK, which is 2015)

so, we finally see 1:1, precisely the boy in the 'corrected' timeline'

and he looks-- LIKE THIS??????????????????

in THIS timeline, Amane feels in-control, he's humming or whistling, he's pleased to hear Tsukasa's rumor play out???!?!????!?!??

WHAT DID YOU DO!!!!! WHAT DID YOU DO?!?!? what did you do--!! what did you do--!!!!!!! This is the last thing I expected for you, what, you're in a great mood. Your brother seems to be some sort of cursed school-bound ghost. A good day for you, Amane-sensei?!?!?!?!? What did you do!!!!!

In every timeline, Amane really is crazy! Amazing! Do you always manage some sort of control over Tsukasa's fate, no matter what!?

I DON'T KNOW, AIDAIRO-SENSEI!!! you were right, this month's Hanako-kun is unbearable!!!!

ah, was it that simple all along... lol. just keeping her informed... you not only kept Nene-chan in the dark unnecessarily and had to explain yourself twice, you also made us sit through 2 chapters for the basic run-down, Teru....

it's such an interesting situation....!

It would be impossible for just anyone to pinpoint even the year of the Clockkeeper's interference... let alone the exact altercation they interrupted. Someone would have to have quite intimate knowledge of, specifically the Yugi twins history, to even start looking.

And even so, you've also got to avoid the Clockkeepers just fixing it again, or nipping at you, right? I wonder if we'll have to essentially... go back, instigate events with the Yugi which result in our yorishiro Tsukasa ... and then ... peel the Clockkeeper's yorishiro, to de-power them, and usurp control for ourselves over the timeline? It's so hard to imagine a world where we can let the Clockkeepers remain in any power, if we want to have 'control' ....

but can Nene-chan peel yorishiro, anymore? I wonder if she would need to form a contract with someone else to be granted that right, in this world.... ♥..... well, getting ahead of ourselves... but that would be fun.... I think so, anyway....

so interesting! I wonder if, in this world, Akane even typically called her 'Ao-chan'? That's such an affectionate/familiar nickname.... it would be surprising from someone you're not super close with....

and the implication seems to be that Aoi and Teru have been more familiar SINCE childhood, not just now... so Akane's been completely booted in some capacity... if she's been referring to Teru in such a familiar way since childhood, this arrangement may have happened quite early on....

he was interrupted for a bit, but he does get to say it out loud in full here. I wonder if compulsively letting this slip will seed something in Aoi's mind....

I've always been worried about Teru's interest in Aoi, what with their families histories... I've worried it has less to do with legitimate interest and more to do with, I don't know... power levels, bloodline, maintaining something or correcting something... it just doesn't pass my smell test. An arranged marriage is very bad news!

I feel so dumb for missing this LOL!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sure our Ao-chan is on her way to remembering her true love....

briefly distracted by Tsutsu's tits....

noting the room number in case that becomes relevant later lol....

this is so extremely creepypasta vibes... AidaIro-sensei are in their creepypasta era right now....

UUUGH. IT'S SO EXCRUCIATINGLY EXCITING....

I saw someone joking that it's "like a gatcha", which Tsukasa are we going to get? Shosei-outfit boy? Summer uniform boy? Winter? 3 year old?????????????????????????? what Tsukasa is HERE?????? We don't even understand yet why our 'Amane' is in his winter uniform or called 'Hanako-san'! THIS TSUKASA COULD BE ANYTHIIIING--!!!

and a reminder that a 'rumor' is not necessarily a school Mystery (the confession tree was a rumor!)... mysteries are specific pillars of God appointed in some way into their position, with a yorishiro. Tsukasa could be a fully-fledged mystery, orrrrr he could be a weaker rumor!

EITHER WAY, WE'LL HAVE TO ASK HIM QUESTIONS, WON'T WE.........!!!!!! Come onnnnnnnnnnnnn Nene-chan!!!! I want to hear her summon Tsukasa just like she once did Hanako--!!!!!! RAAAHHH !! I want to know if he'd remember/recognize her or not...!!! UUUU

it's so crazy and exciting! AidaIro-sensei are too good at it all... I couldn't have ever imagined this Amane-sensei ah, smiling, crazily while girls summon his otouto to play....? why and how is Tsukasa a rumor... what happened to him in life to make his name famous... why is he in the modern-day more known than 'Amane' was..... ??? I'm scared for my life! Next month can never come fast enough....

[2n2n]

ah, my favorite responses to the new chapter on twitter...

あまね先生絶対ヤバい奴じゃん！？

so straightforward.

あまね、どの世界線でも狂ってました。

[2n2n]

Amane-sensei fucked up and evil moment !??????!??!??

[2n2n]

DWELLING on it, that the point of the Clockkeeper's nonsense was to finally and miserably confirm, one after another

Tsukasa does not believe Amane would go out of his way to save him, does not believe Amane especially loves him.

Amane's goal has been to keep himself & Tsukasa together, and he had sought to 'save' him. That was what the yorishiro situation was.

Amane sees Tsukasa 'disappearing' over and over as CHOOSING to leave him! he is UPSET about it.

All things we have had varying degrees of certainty about...! I would say, at this point, it's been made obvious how Amane feels... but I could never pinpoint Tsukasa.

It's amazing these reveals happen back-to-back, to make you dwell on the Yugi's many angles of miscommunication ...

they clearly love each other deeply! But they don't have faith in the mutuality of it at all! No confidence that it is parallel, or reciprocal! They act on the assumption the other isn't in love, and could do without them, or desires to leave them behind. GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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If I were to go away Would you follow me to the ends of the earth To show me what your love is worth? Or would you go and buy a car Shrug your shoulders, say, "There you are She didn't love me anyway If she had, she would have stayed" If I were to go away Would I always look for your beautiful face In every crowd, every place? Or would I go and buy a hat Turn my shoulders, say, "That is that He didn't love me, now it's clear If he had, he would be here"

[2n2n]

I dont want to smell your pussy badly but feel free to open yiour legs regardless

[2n2n]

tumblr Communities sounds intriguing & I will wait and see.

the big sticking point for me is going to be where staff falls on "caring about sudden mass reporting"... people are going to try to have little communities for like, DDLG, being a babyfur, twincest or wtfever, and whether or not communities are slay is going to depend on how capriciously or judiciously tumblr staff wanna address this kind of garbage... I would really like it if they Did Not Care. I don't even need some definitive statement. LJ just simply didn't give a shit if LaytonLuke had a community. It was so meaningless to everyone ever. I want that kind of ambivalence. I want the assumption that nerd exploits are frivolous and tedious to engage with seriously because they are . regard me like a bug on the ceiling.

if all seemed so well and good I would consider making some sort of yugi8 community (and I think it would be fun to try to help people out with things like... a thorough reference for what JP search terms for different pairings exist, what doujins are available to purchase), because I think I'm the only human being on this planet who would moderate out any posts complaining about detractors or any sort of meta-fandom discussion, and bother creating separate tags for different interpretations (i.e. some people only like the threeway in the context of Tsukasa being a rapist to the innocent pure couple hananene or something.... which is your right even though I do think it is asinine, I can simply designate a tag for people to block one or the other interpretation. since also some people who 'like' yugi8 get really upset if you discuss Tsukasa and Nene being in love lol. I guess they can ignore me too).

or maybe I'm not the right person for the job either. Well we'll see. if someone else makes the community you can consider asking for help in ideas suchas proposed. since I'll wait ages to inspect communities before I consider doing anything....................................

[2n2n]

reblogging again after my recent post... it won't make Tsukasa cry to say "I hate you" or "you're fake!".... anything mean or bad, he already expects! Any danger or harm, he already anticipates!

If Amane wants Tsukasa to cry, he should confess his love to him already. I think that would destroy Tsukasa, and be the last thing he expects or understands!

i know we're all waiting for tsukasa to full on sob at some point (cmon let the girlie cry,,,) which made me wonder! what sorta things do you think could make him start crying? hes so.... easygoing/takes everything in his stride that im really curious lol

I think Tsukasa is an unconventional sort of person, so I think along the lines of what he does and doesn't experience, what he does and doesn't expect...

Tsukasa has never been afraid to die, so things that seem scary, dangerous, especially to children, usually don't do anything, and never have.

He's used to people calling him annoying, or weird or crazy, or wishing he would go away. So that sort of thing doesn't phase him. Another day being Tsukasa.

He's even used to the concept of being hated...

If you asked me… I think the opposite of all of that could make Tsukasa cry... like....

Amane finally being direct, and telling him "I love you", or describing his importance, or the things he loves about him-- I don't think Tsukasa is ready to hear something like that... I don't know if he conceptualizes it.

Perhaps, in the same vein, Nene-chan feeling openly sad for him, I don't think he would expect. Nene-chan being kind and friendly towards him, maybe, or wanting to get to know him, or wishing things could be better, or expressing that she doesn't want him to die, or observing that he's lonely … nobody outside of Amane and Tsukasa have really observed what goes on between them, and Amane doesn't share his thoughts much. Nene-chan could offer unique perspective he's not able to imagine on his own. I feel that could touch him.

I think about … the chronically ill brother in Takase-Bune who only sees himself as a burden… who kills himself to free his brother from their sorry life… so that at least one of them can have a chance at something...

or the scorpion in Night on the Galactic Railroad, whos life has only hurt others, and so, it wants its death to provide joy to others at last…

Because AidaIro-sensei have referenced both of these things, and even particularly drawn Tsukasa as the scorpius constellation…explicitly the remorseful, now burning scorpion... mm … how often has anyone really offered praise and adoration to Tsukasa? Been grateful for him? Thanked him just for being there, being alive? Amane is famously so bad at it.

Not only things AidaIro have referenced... but the past story they made, Narisokonai Snow White, I think about that too...

in that story, two twins are born into servitude-- one to be a princess's servant, the other, to be a scholar, and keeper of the kingdom's crazy knowledge of poisons. From a young age, he's doing nothing but reading about the effects of poisons, so you get a very unconventional boy... and eventually, a person all too accustomed to the idea of suffering, death, terrible symptoms, and yet completely and utterly devoid of conventional childhood memories. The princess of the story expresses things such as, that she would be sad, when he goes away (really, he plans to kill himself...).... more than he believes he deserves. The princess's pity and sympathy touches his heart.

Tsukasa was already a strange child, and then, the Red House alters his perception of 'life' and 'value'-- what has 'value'? Whatever people individually feel. People exchange all kinds of things, for all kinds of reasons ... people are willing to lose something to gain something else, people scale the importance of things nonsensically. I think that sort of peek into people's hearts, would break down your idea of what it means to be "special", what life itself is "for". A sort of coin to exchange for something else. Tsukasa saw himself as something like that. I think humans have an inscrutable value system ... so Tsukasa seems to have an ungrounded sense of importance or unimportance to life, a lack of appropriate response to any of it. Is it sad when someone dies? Sometimes, but not always. Sometimes nobody liked you, sometimes you made other's life worse, sometimes you just weren't regarded at all. I'm sure he saw many selfish and crude exchanges in the Red House, and people desperate for something or other. Some lives worth losing your mind over, some lives worth less than nothing.

In light of that, it's obvious why the idea of Amane KILLING HIM, AND THEN THROWING AWAY HIS OWN LIFE is an INTOXICATING concept. ... asking for, what, nothing at all? Why would he do that? That isn't an 'exchange' of anything. Of course he has to observe for himself, why Amane would do that ...

In my mind, it seems like the most likely thing to finally throw him off would be his own value or presence spelled out …

you could threaten Tsukasa, you could hate Tsukasa, you could kill Tsukasa, and he would be fine with that, he would understand why you want to do that, he is very familiar with people hating another, wanting someone gone, wishing life could be easier...

but I don't know if he could understand how beloved he can be to anyone, really …

[2n2n]

I keep dwelling on our poor Amane...

I still am in shock... somehow, this whole time... it's just so impossibly miserable, Tsukasa's reality of simply never understanding the message or point of the shinjuu. This relieved smile, the end finally in reach....

Tsukasa, who can only ever think of 'disappearing' again and again...

the moments before Amane has a complete melt down, listening to this, and then seeing Tsukasa command Nene-chan to take responsibility in destroying every Yorishiro....

the culmination of this entire timeline, the FINAL BEATS of THIS UNIVERSE we've lived in for all of this time, were....

Amane's own MOUTH finally plainly, patiently trying to spell out Tsukasa's actions consequences to him....

those consequences are not, 'the fate of the boundaries' 'the fate of the world' 'the fate of existence'.

It's the threat of never seeing each other ever, ever again! All Amane dictates, if the Yorishiro are destroyed, is Tsukasa disappearing. Interestingly, in this moment, he's not even focused on Nene-chan's fate-- not that it's not deeply important to him, too, but-- Nene-chan already knows her life is precious to him, and that he's fighting to save it. The point he has to make to Tsukasa, is the consequence that occurs between them.

But does Tsukasa understand Amane's many years of fighting to keep them bound...?

I really, really thought that at least on some level, Tsukasa understood what it meant to be Amane's Yorishiro... the treasure at the center of his boundary, his protected & sacred object. He had to understand the shinjuu, the purpose of the act of killing Tsukasa and then himself, was in a desperate bid to keep them together, even in death.

I guess Amane thought that, too! We're right here with him!!

He's done so much, for so many years--! After all this time... it's an incredibly vulnerable moment for Amane to finally acknowledge his own efforts to Tsukasa, directly, to try to ask Tsukasa if he even understands the consequences of his actions.... it truly is the climax of this entire manga, to Hanako's entire existence as a mystery. The previous arc confirmed what a Yorishiro even is, and Tsukasa being Amane's, to prepare us for this devastating blow. The Seventh mystery's existence revolves around protecting his Yorishiro!

in one single expression, a casual word, every single hope in Amane is destroyed.....

it couldn't be a more simple & effortless rejection of everything! Tsukasa's suicidal tendencies are curiously ignorant & naive. Why does it matter if he disappears? He doesn't know why it would matter! IT'S AN INDOMINABLE BELIEF IN HIS UNIMPORTANCE!

Amane, why would it matter?

Tsukasa doesn't see himself disappearing as a consequence. It's a trivial aspect of granting your wish.

Why would you care if he disappeared?

all of this time, he never told Tsukasa anything! It's over 50 years of complete waste! Amane died for nothing! He didn't even die proving he loved Tsukasa more than anything, more than his own future. He didn't convey a single message! The 7th mystery's existence is a joke. Meaningless! You do all of that, and Tsukasa wants to jump into a hole again, just like he did at age 4. NOTHING HAS CHANGED.

what happens next... is so awful, but I do understand Amane's poor broken heart thrashing. Amane is an interesting person... I enjoy his pure black & white thinking. It's kind of moe of him... kind of cutely dramatic and extreme haha. And above all, it kind of preserves this... beautiful idea of Tsukasa, as someone who couldn't disappoint him....?

In a big way, I think Tsukasa is idealized by Amane..... I don't think he's rational about his little brother at all.

To step back for a second... I like that, at one point in time, it appears as if Amane utterly doubled down on 'Tsukasa is real, no matter what.'

Maybe to go on in life, Amane had to believe in that with his whole heart.

The gestures he made in the shinjuu, were in devotion to that belief. Tsukasa's purity of being. 'You ARE my little brother-- no matter what anyone says-- and I'll die to be with you forever.'

Now, Tsukasa is apparently utterly ignorant to his efforts, blind to Amane's aching love for him... Amane's response is essentially, "Tsukasa would never do that to me, Tsukasa WOULD understand"

"for you to hurt me this badly, you CAN'T be my Tsukasa"... that's the mindset Amane suddenly has. He can't handle anything else!!!

Somehow... it's better if some unknown monster tricked him, lied to him, if this person beneath him isn't Tsukasa at all. Never was. If it's a waste, better for it to be a complete and UTTER waste!!!!!!!

it's so terrible of him, but it's merely a childish tantrum. He's only hurt.

It's interesting that it doesn't hurt Tsukasa, at all, but Amane-- he obviously wants to hurt this Tsukasa....? He defensively wishes to say the most awful thing he can think of to... this monster. But if it's a monster, what would it care, Amane? If this isn't your little brother, why would it care about you stating the truth? Do you want to see it cry?

Tsukasa, for his mileage, I just don't think harsh or cruel words can ever hurt him. After all, he doesn't see himself as important, or imagine he has any value, at all. If Amane says 'I hate you', or insults him, or acts annoyed, it makes no difference to his fate. He already exists in a perpetual reality of trying to make himself disappear. It's not as if Amane can rob him of his will to live, or make him feel his existence is pointless. He has no will to live. He's always acting on that assumption. Amane cannot erode his belief in his value or make him cry about how much Amane hates him, because that's the only thing Tsukasa has ever believed was true.

There's a sort of excruciating discrepancy between the Yugi twins...

If Amane could hurt Tsukasa, he would probably be soothed, somehow, that his feelings matter to Tsukasa. But Tsukasa has always easily said, "or would you prefer if I disappear?" with a smile on his face, as if it's inconsequential. I'm entirely sure Amane's ideal world would be one where his frustration makes Tsukasa sob and beg for his love, acceptance, or forgiveness. Tsukasa, however, doesn't do that, because he doesn't feel he deserves Amane's love, apparently! He already accepts a world in which Amane doesn't love him, so Amane saying 'I hate you' won't make him cry, not ever. But to Amane, that makes it look like it doesn't matter if he hates Tsukasa! Which makes it seem like Tsukasa doesn't need his love, or need him...

I think in Amane's mind, Tsukasa is his pristine little brother... he won't accept a reality in which Tsukasa would reject his heart, in which Tsukasa didn't perceive his love.

....despite the words themselves, I think they come from a place of deep love. If Amane didn't love Tsukasa so much, he wouldn't care about his 'message' to him, and he wouldn't care about a 'fake'.

now whimsically I want to say... Amane is such a pained and agonized romantic with such immense issues with jealousy & possessiveness, I wonder how he dealt with the idea of some strange thing being housed in Tsukasa's heart?

I can understand 'complete and utter denial' as a means of coping with something too painful to accept. If Tsukasa is replaced, there's nothing left for you to love. And if something else has taken his heart, you can never have it.

If Amane ultimately stabbed Tsukasa in the heart, maybe he was trying to take something back, or claim his dominance over that territory.

Tsukasa, he's unfortunately quite reckless with that thing....

It's interesting, because Amane these days is such a doomer, you could almost think "ah, I see, he'll believe in the 'worst possible thing' now, and give up on Tsukasa's realness entirely."

But "this Tsukasa is and has always been a fake" is not actually the 'worst possible thing'!

The worst possible thing would be "This Tsukasa is real, and he never understood I love him, and he doesn't want to be with me" !! "Tsukasa never knew I loved him, he died believing I hated him" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Amane is in fact still coping.....................................................

[2n2n]

ah it's tsunene again TT_____TT feeling so so so blessed... it's like its finally time to see them together often TT____________TT he is so small

if Hanako-kun is a flowering plant nene-chan is carefully cultivating, Tsukasa-chan is that too, isn't he? If the events of 'your' special future with Hanako-kun rely on the creation of this special little hakama boy.... he is your personally grown plant, too! so wonderful ahhhh ♥ TSUNENE HEADERS PLEASE--! I NEED YOU--! YOU'LL GIVE ME STRENGTH!!!

this image came to me right after a power outage that lasted days in freezing weather.. it's healed me....

[2n2n]

one can love Amane, deeply and truly and without end, and also enjoy to see him suffer. It's just so interesting. Why is he suffering? It's very mysterious. Amane can suffer so immensely and not tell you why or how. Amane unfortunately has made his pain very captivating by making it so obtuse. If you want to learn anything about him at all, you're going to have to make him feel pain, you know? He won't show anything otherwise. It's too easy for Amane to lie casually, but if he's upset, he will cry a lot, or get really mad, and he can't always hide that.

[2n2n]

ah.... advertising for volume 21 resumes unexpectedly. This must be Amane after Tsukasa kissed Nene-chan. Is that the. moon behind you? The galaxy entirely? The sun & stars? Planets? Amane feeling untold, unimaginable emotions. I'm not sorry your GF was kissed nor am I sorry you missed your otouto's first kiss. It's a snooze you lose situation, okay.... I do love to see you suffering, though. Emotions not meant for your pea brain to experience.

[2n2n]

different anon but you have just made me realise that former colleague yugi could technically also be tsukasa..... i cant remember but if you know - did tsuchigomori used to call him amane or by his family name?

it's the fun thing about them being twins! But it IS typically Amane who wears turtlenecks, so I do think it's him... but nevertheless, we must always be aware of the fact that the Yugi share a name and face...

He called him 'Yugi'.

however, it's just using his family name, and it's possible he refers to students in general in this way...

[2n2n]

I'm really not understanding this chapter, so Hanako isn't alive? And why do characters who should be dead exist? I mean Hanako's past has nothing to do with Mistuba or Shijima Mei so honestly it doesn't make sense to me. I'm desperate for an explanation 😓

I hope my post overall helps you.... but here are ah, the basic facts for you to consider... condensed from my overall reactions:

Amane is not confirmed dead, he only isn't presently working at the school anymore. He COULD be dead... but he may be retired, or doing something else. He'd be only 60, if I'm calculating right... assuming that silhouette is Amane.

Akane explains to you that altering a single event has a ripple effect, and many small things will be different. The Yugi twins murder/suicide and the many years Amane spent ruling the mysteries in the school are no small events!!! Maybe Shijima Mei's illness was caught by doctors earlier, and treatment of it was successful. Maybe Mitsuba just happened to not slip & fall.

like Amane, Shijima Mei could simply be canonically alive within this time frame. She was born in 1973, so she'd be 42... if her birthdate is consistent.

[2n2n]

Mei-chan is such a little creep to Nene-chan in Picture Perfect, I really hope Shijima-sensei is very sweet on Nene-chan lol.... I hope Nene-chan has modeled for her at some point... lol....

[2n2n]

ch. 112!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! ah the good times they keep a-comin...

I love the opening sequence aha, it's so direct... it kind of hurts my heart in a way, I feel like Iro-sensei makes a lot of consistent effort to get people to understand their stories, to recap things in a simple, concise way... but I feel like a lot of people still don't quite understand... but I think they've come very far from older written stories...!

I love... describing Amane this way....

Sickly plant, unwell roots... diseased.... can't bloom....

the people we love.... we love them just the way they are, don't we? What we make with the people we love... even if it doesn't make sense, even if it looks hopeless, even if it looks like fruitless wasted effort.... we cherish it!

I think the twins understand that too, Nene-chan....

SHIJIMA-SAN--! She looks like she might be a teacher, based on the fact she's much taller, and not in a uniform nor in some sort of gimmick outfit. Her birthdate is 1973-- the manga as-is takes place in 2015. That means this Shijima-san MIGHT be 42? She could have become an art teacher...

It's shocking, but I suppose anything could occur to upswing Shijima-san's illness. Perhaps in this world, a doctor caught something earlier on, or perhaps she was diagnosed incorrectly in the past timeline, and received more sufficient treatment in time. We don't know precisely what she suffered from, so we don't truly know if it was incurable, or just handled poorly by the system.

I figured Kou wouldn't know Nene-chan, but would still just have a normal crush on her... he finds her cute, objectively.

laughs, I ASSUMED Mitsuba would just be dead, it's just as funny if he's alive... his death was an extremely random circumstance, I'd easily believe anything even slightly to the left would evade it... perhaps he cooked a cake instead of a curry for his mother, perhaps he had remembered those potatoes just earlier when shopping, perhaps the curry didn't need potatoes after all, perhaps he didn't even notice them missing, perhaps he just caught himself when he slipped on the steps... !

What's kind of funny is that even like this, Mitsuba and Kou are still the sort of difficult and bickering sort of friends, and Kou still just like Nene-chan... you two... it's like I'll never be able to find it beautiful or sweet lol.... sigh...! you have all the time in the world now and this is how it is eh....

sigh... now, I've seen people. confused by this? This Hanako is not really there. He doesn't exist. She imagines/hallucinates him. She's daydreaming. There is no ghost Hanako. She's only remembering his existence.

haunted by the hazy memories of your sad little dead boyfriend... </3 so sweet... YOUR boy....

This bitch--!!

I swear Teru is like, too alpha to ever want to just listen to Akane.... well, godknows what Akane wanted him to do!!! Nene-chan's on her own then!!!!!! The power of love alone shall guide her!!!

I really do wonder how Teru will feel. He had a lot of development with Kou... positive and negative. And with Aoi....

He finally opened up to Kou about his suffering... but, he also fought with him, for the first time ever. Kou is defecting, in the old timeline... resisting and, no longer looking up to Teru as only his hero. But, he also saw a little more of Teru's true self.. (just a little). Does Kou still want to be an exorcist, in this timeline? Does he adore Teru? What does Teru cherish...?

I wonder if Kou is extra dumb & loyal to his family bloodline, or if he's busy with other things, with Mitsuba alive with him.... hm!

ah here we go Iro-sensei.... CONDENSED TIME. THREE DAYS!!!! I'M READY!!! DAY BY DAY!!!!

slay!!!!

I wonder if you are retired.... or dead...

The Yugi were born in 1955. It's 2015. That means, Amane would now be 60 years old. It's not impossible that he still be around, just perhaps no longer a coworker.... I cannot make any sense of the labels on the photo lol, but it would be interesting if he retired in 2011...

I'd love it if he was alive, but residing in the Red House... I wish Nene-chan could visit him at his home, had to seek him out--!!!

AGEGAP HANANENE WOOOOOOO!!!!!!! I KNOW AIDAIRO HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhh I'm so ready for it haha. Woo!! YEAH WOOOOOO!!!!

Kinda hope Tsukasa is trapped in the Clockkeeper's boundary... this would be such a tragic and miserable circumstance... I feel like ah, Tsukasa's got this... eternally trapped damsel quality about him... be it in the clutches of the Red House, or Hanako's boundary... it would be so interesting, if the Clockkeepers did something to contain him, somehow want to utilize the God....? Or at the very least, are INCAPABLE of KILLING it... and need to do something else to him... I don't trust them, still... we were explicitly shown the Clockkeeper's ability to subdue/freeze him, I would imagine not for no reason.

Hope we also get a little 12 year old living Tsukasa showing up to try to coax Nene-chan on how to fix the timeline... </3 just before he's snatched... ahhhh! So exciting!!!!!! Edge of my seat!!! SO many interesting balls in the air oooooo!!!!!!!!!

[2n2n]

I was asked elsewhere to give my thoughts/feelings/reactions about 'How Do You Live?' or 'The Boy and the Heron' as it was localized for some reason....! the recent Ghibli film. I've copy-pasted that response here, just because..... this isn't a JSHK blog afterall, it's a general fandom blog, HAH... so!

warning for spoilers! Obviously. And my general demeanor, heh

Firstly... overall, the movie does feel more personal. Miyazaki lost his mother & his father worked in a similar field... I'm glad if Miyazaki is finally loosening up about telling things too close to home, the result is extremely satisfying. Mahito feels like... maybe traits that haven't been allowed on a boy, before now? I can almost see how these traits are 'charming' on a girl, but feel scalding on a boy... when looking at the backcatalogue, I can suddenly feel a sense of avoidance of certain traits....or tempering using this or that... Though he shares a lot of traits with Anna, from When Marnie Was There.

Curiously, both Anna and Mahito are dealing with feeling resistant or reluctant to connect to family, and suspicious of the conditions upon which they are here... For Anna, she's concerned about the checks her mother gets for taking care of her, convinced she's only doing it to pocket money... Mahito encounters a similar unrest seeing his father's suitcase unpacked in front of the maids-- it's obvious that finances are a key factor in this new marriage. There is a sensation of "my presence here is transactional" or "only an accessory to a transaction" (<- Natsuko could also feel this, x100 and with her own body.). Both Mahito and Anna respond to this information not by acting out, but by shutting down, closing off, becoming distant. While it's wholeheartedly a delusion for Anna, it's kind of reality for Mahito!!! He's not wrong! It's wartime, his dad IS an asset, however... while Anna can feel the situation with her mother is shallow, Mahito HAS to be more sympathetic to the grim reality of the war times-- he's seeing elderly people here desperate for good food, he's seeing someone sickly in bed, he's seeing the ways in which this-- his dead mother's household-- NEED HELP, and so, I don't think he CAN hate anyone here, even as he struggles with feeling dehumanized by being an asset... yes, it's transactional, but, that transaction is justified, it's necessary. He doesn't want these people to suffer, so he knows he has to just suck it up. He doesn't feel entitled to expressing any disappointment at them or, betrayal... he's very like, "okay. I see.". I like that for a boy in such a strange position. In another movie, he could throw a tantrum or call everyone out about this, but he's more aware of the world than that. He's however not gracious ENOUGH to not feel bitter about it, even as he holds compassion...

And then, you know. His position gets him alienated at school, too. Though, I believe Mahito STARTS the fight at school... he approaches them & instigates. He wants to let out aggression & frustration somewhere... he's more controlled about it than Anna, who explodes sloppily. Mahito really explodes in such a controlled way... he PLANS his explosion. I love how excessive it is... what a good boy, smashing his own skull with a rock. It really made me go, "YESSSS MOVIE YESSS!!! OOHHHH WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN!!" I like this boy ♥...

Pulling back a little chronologically. I'm in love with the carriage scene. Every layer of it!! I love that Natsuko apologizes for being late, some unspecified 'delay'. I like to think she was struggling with this meeting, maybe she got upset, maybe they had to stop while she freaked out! Maybe she lost her nerve! Meeting Mahito is a big, BIG deal-- something she's probably dreaded ? anticipated ? for months ? This is lifechanging for her. We also don't know how much she 'knows' or 'remembers' or anything, regarding her older sister, Hisako (Mahito's mother).... Her meeting feels very 'performed', to me... planned.

Mahito's dad rides separately. Natsuko and Mahito ride in this cramped, intimate scenic long carriage ride through the rural countryside... I love how small he gets, curled around his suitcase protectively, struggling to look at her. I like how, to get his hand to touch her belly, she has to REACH and GRAB and PULL his tense arm away from himself, onto her BODY. I love how he becomes captivated uncontrollably, I love how the purpose of this scene is less "she is pregnant" and more a brutal "YOUR DAD FUCKED THIS WOMAN, QUITE A WHILE AGO EVEN, ALREADY". That's SO MUCH MORE... PSYCHOSEXUAL THAN MOST GHIBLI FILMS!! It's an immediate thought thrust into his skull, this can't be written off as a nonloving marriage of convenience, something awkward for his dad, a sham, or a necessity everyone is baring through, your dad fucked your mom's little sister HAHAH!!! I love how we don't get to see his expression really processing it... we see his mouth crinkle up as his hat falls over his eyes, we can assume he's grinding his teeth together. I like Natsuko wanting to make this apparent to him immediately, it's brilliant of her. It does not ALLOW Mahito the space to be in denial about details. I don't think she wants him dodging awareness or inventing excuses or imagining less intense realities to cope-- to me, I think, Mahito's DAD wanted to dodge a little awareness, having not... warned him about this... but, as a result, I like that Natsuko really bludgeons Mahito with reality. This scene is.. just them, too. Who's to say dumb dad would have even wanted her to make Mahito stroke her goddamn pregnant belly. Who is to say she would have had the gumption to do something that physically insistent & accosting if he was there? She's... much more, subdued, in the house, around others? It's such a strange ah, move from her character. It was important to her.

And I like how beautiful she is, haha. Feels so emphasized... Another layer of struggle. Hnngk. Younger.

I love that Natsuko is just like Mahito, having a parallel journey. Trying to be polite, put-together, well-behaved... though that means different social graces, being a woman, being a mother. She has to seem kind, considerate. My favorite moment, is when she is preparing Mahito tea, and he falls asleep before she returns... as she registers he is asleep-- that she doesn't need to perform for anyone right now-- she doesn't smile. She just looks at him, silently, with no expression at all. There is no warmhearted soft loving motherly smile, there is no stroking his hair, or putting a blankie over him.

Perfect quiet scene...

Given that Mahito himself had to register, "this woman looks like my mother", Natsuko has to look at the sleeping Mahito, and think, "he looks like Hisako." I love this pattern in the movie, where they all see eachother's sleeping forms... Mahito looking at the Heron's imitation of his mother, Natsuko in the birthing room, and Natsuko seeing him sleeping here... there's a great emphasis on their shared prettiness, delicate features...? Beauty...??? Amazing! Psychosexual again.

Brief sentence to register that voyeuristic watching dad kiss new younger mommy scene. WHEW--!!! I love that he really just crouches there for a minute. Mahito is SO FORCED to think YOUR DAD FUCKS HER YOUR DAD FUCKS HER YOUR DAD FUCKS HER!!!! which-- my GOD-- incredibly on blast again, when Mahito visits her 'room', where he has to confront his dad's clothes hanging by her BED. Everywhere he goes, he's smashed with this constant reminder that this is "the woman his dad likes"!! He's uncomfortable about it! But he doesn't want to be!!!! He doesn't even feel entitled to hate this fact, he just, wants to not deal with it at all. Again, his emotions are more tempered, he's like. 'Okay. I know. It is how it is.' [thrumming inside of skull]

IN LOVE WITH how harshly Mahito BRACES again as Natsuko moves to touch him, again, at her bedside, you can feel his teeth clench, his back straighten, his muscles stiffen!!! As she strokes his SCAR! As she CRIES! As she apologizes to her SISTER! For letting something hurt him! Failing her SISTER... we understand Natsuko is grieving Hisako as much as Mahito is, that she feels like it's her responsibility to ensure Mahito is safe... the person they both love, the person they both miss!

Beautiful woman touch delicate scar, which I gave myself. This sensation, this feeling, while, dad's jacket hangs just nearby... HOOO!!! What is this movie...! I'm having so much fun! Steal dad's cigarettes after haha... small act of rebellion, resentment, performed with nothing but efficiency, no grandeur, no emphasis. No expression. Yoink. I'm Going To Funnel My Emotions Into Killing A Bird So Hard. Such a boy LMAO-- there's never been a Ghibli protag who is, so mired in Guy Problems, I'm in love with him. Can't deal with something? Go start a fight, concuss yourself. Can't deal with something else? Start constructing a weapon. He really needs to vent a lot! All of these roiling emotions, gotta shoot a heron about it. Gonna kill it really hard.

Love the heron stuff really kicking off when he's concussed, such wonderful unwell boy vibes.

Natsuko's life is, so interesting. She is the younger sister to the more bold, confident Hisako. By comparison, she feels quiet, reserved, following rather than leading. As you get to know her, she does give off incredible imouto vibes. For a year, her older sister disappeared, leaving her all alone. What was that year like? When the heron calls to Natsuko, does he tease her as he does Mahito? Does he tease 'Oneesan oneesan' like he teases 'okaasan okaasan', or does the heron respect Natsuko, does he summon her honorably? Whatever the case, Natsuko is not like Mahito, and seems to not hesitate. She just goes. She feels like a good, loyal imouto. Trying to do what her big sister wants, or needs. Natsuko is very well-behaved... (much like Mahito, anyway... she performs as others expect her to, doesn't cause trouble).

Her understanding of the whistling arrow is so like, whoa!!! Really though, how much does she understand, remember, anticipate...? How familiar is she with the heron...? This poor girl... I think she's a billion times more tragic than Mahito, actually. Suffering much longer in silence, more attached & in love with Hisako than he was, more struggling to let go or move on, but more expected to perform for the good of many people. This woman had to endure being impregnated by that boob of a dad. I can't imagine those 9 months alone... having to mentally prepare to meet Mahito.... behave, behave...

It's crazy Natsuko met Mahito when he was first born, then not again since.... what the fuck were the vibes... what was Hisako like showing you, her, son ........................ what did you feel ..................................... did you feel a similar emotion to what Mahito feels, knowing you're pregnant, lol? lol..... lots of intriguing possibilities here .... "my older sister had sex" hm....

Meanwhile, what the fuck is the relationship between this scary insane granduncle and Hisako? To me, it seems like he functionally kidnapped her for a year (which is untold time in his little universe)???? She's very attached to him, loves him, HE venerates her with great power here? I need a movie about just these three, what on earth was going on between these sisters and their granduncle... I feel bad for Natsuko. It feels as if she's never exactly the favorite of anyone... as the quiet younger sister of a boisterous girl, maybe she's often swallowed up in just how captivating her sister is, both to others, and to herself. SHE'S aware Mahito wants his mother back, and 'isn't here' for her. I feel like I'm seeing the SEQUEL to an INCREDIBLY upsetting movie about an abandoned younger sister, whos older sister will always choose others over her.... run of with, these, different, guys. Woof...

I love when Kiriko bluntly is like, "don't you think life would be so much easier if she wasn't around?" the maids are NOT dumb, they are AWARE Mahito exudes this miasma of unchill for this situation ... but I also think they don't KNOW him that well, and HE'S in denial about a few layers of feelings. He is not hiding hatred for Natsuko, not at all! He's running from loving her... it feels like a betrayal to himself to love her, I'm sure...

ANYHOO. God I Fucking Love the birthing room scene it's sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo maybe one of my favorite Ghibli scenes ever.... I just rewatched Princess Mononoke, and I was so agog that that movie has such a similar "DAIKIRAI!!!!!" ('I HATE YOU') (followed by the boy insistently pushing through and loving anyway!!!!!) moment, and I have to say, an explicitly romantic scene paralleling this , is sooo HAHA... WHEEEE!!! it's NOBLE to persevere!!!! It's BEAUTIFUL to love anyway, to refuse to accept 'GO AWAY'!!! I feel like this cultural thing is kind of lost on us, actively NEEDING to NOT listen, but I don't know how to explain it well... but JSHK has a lot of this, too.

Now I will get into what I LOVE about Mahito, as a result... his obsession with his mother is protective, it's very... for lack of any better way to put it, masculine, lol. It's such a basic male feeling that I find it charming Miyazaki like, was shy to explore it... he's not missing his mom as someone who protected him, he's suffering from feeling HE failed to protect HER. When the building is burning, Mahito is urged to NOT follow, by his DAD... but he rushes, anyway. He refuses to be passive, he refuses to let his dad alone try to save her. He's constantly hearing his mother in his head, begging for him to save her. He dreams of failing to be her savior, a role he for some reason aches for. Now, for the entire course of this movie, he's put into a situation where he now has to rescue Natsuko. The emotion of "protect" "save you" is something Mahito burns with for his mom... and circumstances are, forcing him to pretend to act indifferent while he goes to great lengths to save his new mother. I enjoy that, when asked, "do you like this woman?" he answers "my dad likes her". He is constantly mentally assigning Natsuko as "this woman my dad likes". It's so defensive and automatic. Trying to be, cold, but not, hateful....

Much like Mahito is mature enough to 'accept' the transactional nature of the marriage for the good of his mother's family in the wartimes, Mahito is also mature enough to see it as 'necessary' to save the 'woman his dad likes'. He CAN'T leave without Natsuko. He WON'T. He's a very good boy, he's noble despite how he feels about the situation.. he is not cruel or selfish enough to let a poor woman suffer, or her family who seek her. His own nature puts him in such a cute position-- "well, I have to save Natsuko, NOT because I love her, but because it's the right thing to do, and everyone else needs her to come back."

The way he impulsively only thinks of his dad's relationship to her lol... he doesn't want to think of his relationship to her, because he doesn't really want to have one at all....

But like-- for a guy whos central emotion about his mom is a constant swarm of KAASAN KAASAN KASAAN SAVE YOU SAVE YOU SAVE YOU!!!!-- YOU CANNOT save Natsuko without your poor brain frying, this protective emotion IS a 'son'-like emotion, it's an emotion he has for mommy!! How to word this... you can't PLATONICALLY save Natsuko, these hemispheres of your brain kiss. There is no "protect save woman" emotion without "mommy", it's some sort of hardwiring, THE COMPLEX.

I adooore that it's NATSUKO who says "I HATE YOU", I like that she's-- the less mature one!! She's suffered a lot more, I think she's allowed to be petty, resentful, to hate Mahito!!! She was doing her best, she was aware he held contempt, she tries to escape, now he's chasing her down, he's refusing to let her leave him!!!!!!! If HE'S the reason Hisako disappeared, died, to HAVE him, if he's the reason her sister left her, she has more right than even he does to reject this sudden intimacy!!!! I'M REALLY HAPPY MAHITO DOESN'T SAY IT--!! His emotions are so much more... wibbly, inconclusive, he won't say 'I hate her' at all, and I don't think he does!! She hasn't done anything to him ... instead , he's watched her cry, and, has struggled with feeling like he has to reject the impulse to protect her...

Like, I looove how you watch the 'DAIKIRAI!!!' sink into his body, it HURTs... all over... stiff, trying to breathe, squinting, ahhh it's like opening an oven... he understands in that moment, that Natsuko is not unlike him, and, he also understands, he's going to lose her, she's determined to STAY here, and, LEAVE him, she's possibly self-destructive.... suddenly, if it's not Mahito grabbing her, nobody will. AND -- MAYBE SO--!! MAYBE NATSUKO HAS BEEN LEFT BEHIND OVER AND OVER AGAIN, AND MAYBE SHE WANTS TO LAY DOWN ABOUT IT FOREVER...!! In this case... it's Mahito's JOB to love you, he HAS to!!! Imperative!!

So the birthing room scene is, so perfect-- first off I love that it's 'taboo' for him to even be in there-- of course in the middle of it all, he suddenly screams 'KAASAN'-- he tries to correct himself immediately after, switches to 'NATSUKO-SAN--' but the tape slaps him in the goddamn mouth about it!!! I'm sure he suddenly feels like a stupid child, clinging to the facade of denial, clinging to referring to her only as Natsuko-san!!! A name which is meant as a rejection of her as mommy, which she feels every time he uses it!!!! He starts saying things in-TANDEM, "Natsuko kaasan" a complete acceptance, it's not an accident anymore-- the protective emotion, the very same emotion he feels for Hisako, is here. I love the tape slapping Natsuko in the mouth as she calls out to him, too, it's like everything inside of both of them is trying to keep them from -- TALKING, OR TOUCHING. It pulls their bodies apart, it yanks him by the ankles... IT IS TABOO TO LOVE EACH OTHERRRR!!!! if you want to get closer, you have to fight through so much. Tape flinging over their mouths is such a perfect dreamy representation of that...

Really scary/haunting when Hisako commands to Natsuko...? It feels like, ah this must be a phrase they used a lot as children...? Childishly spoken... What is this... why is it delivered so stiffly, from Hisako? Why is this not a loving-seeming moment, despite the words...? Why does Natsuko grimly, slowly rise... and here we have Hisako declaring, "with this boy, who will be her son"... what is this crazy movie where two sisters want to share a son together ??? This is ADVANCED MOMMY ISSUES.... this is the most advanced mommy issues I've seen.

What if your step mommy, was, more importantly, categorically, archetypally, a fail weak-willed younger sister? What if you had to protect and love her? What is this... it's so interesting, Miyazaki-chan...

Oh, and on top of it all, dad is extremely an impotent incompetent emotionally daft clueless boob lmao? This must be so cathartic to write. He's so cartoonishly useless and never says anything of value or relevance, he could not BE less important. He is NOT going to save ANYBODY. Psychosexual.

This is such a cute movie, because in STRUCTURE, it reminds me a LOT of what you see in a lot of hacky RELATIONSHIP LOSS MOVIES or TV show episodes-- you will often have, the literal Ghost of the Dead Spouse, Show Up, to extremely literally and protractedly, give permission to the grieving partner, that it's OK to move on, and love again. This is how ... how do I say this without being mean.... people with low... internality ... ? deal with, 'moving on'. This is Baby's First Coping Mechanism. In real life, you don't get this. You don't get the ghost of your dead loved one personally assuaging your guilt about moving on by reassuring you it's OK. It's a kind of pointless fantasy, to me, the vast majority of the time. I would typically, much rather watch someone have to actually deal with grief. Creating a quick magical solution like this is as dissatisfying as a character just becoming un-blinded or getting a leg they lost magic'd back. In most situations, it feels cheap, and it makes you feel annoyed we even engaged with the leg being chopped off, or someone being blinded, or someone dying, because, we're not going to actually deal with conquering any of the hurdles that intensity COMES with. So why even pretend it's intense?

HOWEVER. I think it's kind of fascinating to go much, much further with the fantasy, so now it feels more like a fantasy that your ... mom ... only even HAD you at all ... and your step-mom ... is only even HERE at all..... because.......... you're just so fucking amazing and hot and lovable and noble and beautiful, they desperately BOTH want to be in your life, you wrestled such a reality into existence by loving them both so purely .................................... this? this is fantasy. I love fantasy, I love when we don't only cope with reality or console ourselves about it shallowly, I love when we supplant it for our own cooler, sexier, more beautiful reality, with more soulmates and cosmic significance. This movie makes it feel like two sisters colluded to both be mommies to the same very sexy boy, cosmically thru time and space. Dad could NOT feel more irrelevant, we don't even have to really deal with dad. Mahito is soo special oooo such a special boy mmmmuuumumumu oohhh Mahito!!! I AGREE!!!!! I too would do a LOT of cosmic nonsense to get to be in his life, okay!!! YOU'VE CONVINCED ME!!!!

I GEEENUINELY FEEL LIKE MOST 'FANTASIES'-- eeeven in fanfiction-- ARE NOT THIS INDULGENT!!!!!!!! When people say 'to cope' they really mean it lol, I see far more 'coping' than 'flourishing' or 'fantasizing'. I really relate to ah, taking the emotions of loss and turning them into this kind of sticky loaded indulgent mess. It takes a long time to process it long enough to turn it into something indulgent, but it's really really epic when you do. If thissss was Miyazaki's last movie I'd be like, clapping, like, I would FULLY understand this as THE final form of 'fantasy'... Mahito's journey is like... the ultimate protag to me.

Another thing is, typically step-mom horniness annoys me because it's like "ugh... incest lite". Weak... But making new mommy the sister of old mommy is so beautiful ... what. Mommy sisters share you ... willingly, consensually, mommies want to share you. I'm LISTENING, Miyazaki-sensei.... I'm taking notes....

Now outside of all that, you can enter my cumrot:

I think that when there's some sort of grim family bloodline nonsense, that it becomes the most bold and incredible thing to fuck it all up somehow. I want to know what would happen if Mahito impregnated Natsuko later on. There seems to be a long, grim line of mothers dying like ticking timebombs, and I'm quite SCARED that Natsuko was trying to Not have her baby in part because she did not want to meet that fate. I worry that Mahito is just so slay that the women have to say, "it's okay if I die in 10 years, if I'll have known him at all". I REFUSE I REFUSE-- you have to refuse, I think we should hack the system somehow, I think we should fuck it all up. What happens if we double-up on the bloodline, what happens if Mahito refuses to let NATSUKO go?? Much like how THIS movie feels like a sequel to a much more sad/tragic film about a younger sister left behind forever, I WANT A THIRD FILM... ABOUT FUCKING IT ALL UP FOR REAL!!!! Saying NO to some fated end... Don't let this god damn thing repeat cyclically... don't let Natsuko once again accept circumstances bestowed onto her... SUCCEED in saving mommy. And also, lovingly animate flaccid cock slowly pulling out of pussy with little rivets of come trickling down into the sheets... the world's most gratuitous, obvious come inside ever animated.... to make you the viewer go, jesus christ ... it's really inseminating The themes luv we're making up for the previous movie. We're circling back. He's thought about this since that belly touch. Dad is useless and impotent, his stupid useless nut will only perpetuate the wheel and water down whatever power is possessed in this family . We are going to fix this cursed bloodline, or we're going to inextricably curse ourselves ... in order to remain together.