300carnationstreet - Tumblr blog

[300carnationstreet]

300 Carnation St

The house is enormous when you see it, impossibly large and impossibly beautiful. It’s like a gingerbread house. A pride flag hangs from the wrap-around porch outside, its black, brown, and rainbow colors curling in the breeze as if to say come in, it’s safe here. Happy plants grow around the outside of the porch, drinking in the sunshine.

[300carnationstreet]

The ad

It's a Thursday when you see the ad.

It's fitting, really. Thursdays are gentle days, filled with the promise of rest after one more day's work. You're procrastinating on the current day's work when you see it. You thought coming to the local coffee shop to work would fuel some motivation, but the sound of tinkering spoons and mugs keeps distracting you. It's not your fault. If your job paid you more than $14 an hour, maybe you would be more excited to write web copy on drilling pipelines. But because your job doesn't pay you more than $14 an hour, you're scrolling through RoomFinder on your phone instead.

It's the title of the ad that catches your eye. It reads: CALLING ALL QUEERS.

Your thumb pauses over the link and you take a long, drawn-out sip of the frozen monstrosity you asked the barista for. 

Most of the places on RoomFinder aren't great. Shabby apartment buildings and run-down single-family homes turned into studios. So when you tap on the ad and see the large, colorful victorian it's almost a shock. You flip through a few of the photos and they're just as lovely: a grand entrance hall with dark wood and curling features, a grand staircase leading up to other promising floors, a grand living room with a grand piano. Everything grand, grand, grand. 

Before you let your excitement get the best of you, you scroll down to the text of the ad. There's more than a chance that it's a scammer, after all.

CALLING ALL QUEERS, the ad reads.

About us: We're a group of eight roommates in our 20s and 30s looking for a ninth to join our ranks. We're a small familial group and would prefer someone who's looking for more than just a roommate. This is a multi-pet household with one dog and several cats.

About you: Between 20-40 and part of the LGBTQIA community. Somewhere between chill and outgoing. Terfs make you gag as much as raisins in potato salad. 

About the house: Rent is $350 and utilities are $50. Enormous private bedroom and bathroom. Located on Carnation St off of East Ave. Over 6,000 square feet. Charming character and details with updated appliances. Electrical and plumbing updated within the last 10 years. Large living room and dining room. Renovated kitchen with butcher block countertops. Roomy, fenced backyard with multiple access points. Original hardwood floors have been refinished. Call/text for an appointment.

NO WHITE SUPREMACISTS, PRO-COP BOOTLICKERS, TERFS, SWERFS, APHOBES, OR EXCLUSIONISTS ALLOWED.

You scroll back up to the photos of the house and swipe through them again, more analytical this time. And then you scroll back down and tap 'Contact.'