3l1z4b3th4n

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starts talking about my emotional state with 2 degrees of abstraction instead of 7 and the sniper across the street who i pay to keep me in line fires a warning shot thru my little hoop earring

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work again tomorrow... need to remember to bring my computer and charger.

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this is embarrassing as hell but I need to get divorced and the story behind this all is fucking humiliating and I feel insane and I'm scared God help me

[3l1z4b3th4n]

Illustrations from The Story of King Arthur and His Knights by Howard Pyle (1903)

[3l1z4b3th4n]

Made my son the Platonic Ideal of a grilled cheese and he spit it out :/

[3l1z4b3th4n]

I think the answer lies on the path I had started on but abandoned and I need to go back to that crossroads. Read the things I was reading then, pray the way I was praying then, dress the way I was dressing then.

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man did we bomb Iran fr -_-

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thought I'd finally grown out the damage from my nails and could paint them again only to break one -_- gonna paint them tonight anyways. I'm going back to my old style of always wearing my doc martens and oversized black cardigans. Just feels more natural. Gonna paint my nails black since it's my most long-lasting polish and fits that style.

[3l1z4b3th4n]

[3l1z4b3th4n]

Albert Bierstadt (American, 1830–1902), "Puget Sound on the Pacific Coast" (detail), 1870

[3l1z4b3th4n]

Normally I find it pretty cringe when people describe themselves too much with psychological concepts, but realizing I have an avoidant attachment type has given me some very valuable understanding for why I'm like this

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I obviously am a big fan of forgiveness meaning loving the person, i.e. willing their good, but I'm slowly becoming more and more obsessed with it in a very Our Father sense, i.e. releasing them from the debt they owe you.

Release them from the debt of an apology they owe you.

Release them from the debt of understanding and acknowledging that they hurt you.

Release them from the debt that they owe you recompense.

And saying it, out loud, in the name of Jesus.

[3l1z4b3th4n]

some days I am able to be my normal happy self and go about activities with no internal resistance, and then the very next day I'll be seething with a boiling rage wishing I could just go apeshit

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to what extent is introspection a trap...

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I think I might do a paralegal program and try going into that as a career... it seems more or less up my alley with okay enough pay...

[3l1z4b3th4n]

I've been avoiding the shower at home due to my husband taking forever to fix the drain, and have been mainly showering at the gym after my run. But the showers (I thought) didn't have hot water so that gave me extra motivation to push myself on my run so the cold shower would be a blessed relief. But anyways I showered long enough today that it actually heated up, I guess it just takes forever. Which is a timely discovery because I managed to strain a tendon somehow and can't do another hard run tomorrow. But also my husband finally got around to the drain tonight but I do want to wait another day so he can test it properly himself before I brave it again.

Hes using the scary drain cleaner, so hopefully it works because it'll be hard to open the pipes if they're full of acid. He and the landlord already had to mess around in the crawlspace and dig up the vent pipe once so hopefully this fixes it 😓 My guess is that the vebt pipe has never been fully unblocked because the previous tenants also had some drain issues but instead of having the landlord fix it they just cut the pipes and let them drain into the crawlspace 😐