69fever

[69fever]

the princess and the woman knight

march 2025

-

beyond bird's eye o'er in another town

grand fortresses doth enclose a princess,

yonder, across a great river so brown

a maiden knight reaching for her restless,

the fair dame arranged to wed by sovereign

alas! the knight receives her tender calls,

the doves meet behind closed chambers wherein

hallowed whispers of care in castle walls,

a battle boils betwixt our nations

her monarch mooncalf betroth fights dragons,

amorous knight, voyage her salvation

dare tame the beasts and oppose the tyrant,

she ablaze the kingdom for her soulmate

her fairness and the lady knight's, holy fate

-

love is a beautiful source of inspiration. i was motivated to write a shakespearean sonnet with its particular and strict format/structure, it was a fun challenge for myself, i feel like i've done at least a decent job. i wanted to capture an archaic, king arthur, mythical type lens for this one. i like the theme of chivalry and courtly love, i wanted to experiment with it

[69fever]

my closest confidant

march 2025

-

welcome into my room

come sit with me by the window

let's admire the moon,

let's watch the small people down below

as your soft face adorns your gentle smile

i watch, you, only you, for that while

come sit on my bed,

i will let you touch my hair

upon my shoulder rests you head

underneath you, i am bare

with a delicate, black lock curled around my finger

i stare, i study and i stare, there it linger

come into my arms and cry to me

tell me how love is hopeless so

here for all of me to see

i shall hold you, my gentle doe

nothing can penetrate my arms

no one shall do you harm

come rest your heavy bones upon my chest

the ceiling will taunt my heavy mind

you go without a word, lulled by the beat in my breast

i would wonder if you would ever find

out, this mind flood with romance and doubt

cherry blossoms flood out of my mouth

-

i may be in love again, i may have discovered myself a new muse

[69fever]

wait for tomorrow

dec 2024

-

i sit and wait for tomorrow

i hold tomorrow in the palm of my hand

it melts from my warmth,

from my wondrous lust

permeating it

hold on for tomorrow.

an unintelligible voice mumbles to my brain

i am holding on for tomorrow, whatever it may bring

i wonder again what it may bring

the wait for tomorrow becomes exhausting,

especially when it is the same as the last

the excruciating weight on my shoulders and yet tomorrow is the same as the last

so much to do but yet so little time

the wait for tomorrow passes faster than expected

and soon enough it's next week, and then the new year has occurred

i've sat waiting for tomorrow, all this time, without noticing it had passed

why must i wait for tomorrow and why must i live in the current

-

i wrote this a while ago, unsure why i never posted it. i think i was undecided whether i liked it or not, whatever here it is

i've changed the format of my poetry blogs again, i feel i much prefer the more simple layouts

[69fever]

updated CD collection! 💿

this is in my dorm room, i have a few more back at home and i had to do a little rotate because a few that i had were actually empty... (i found them around my house, they've been neglected so a couple missing CD's and i brought them to my dorm without checking the contents lol) so they are not with me anymore, i took them back home. so that is one reason i wanted to share new photos of my collection, but another reason is that i got some new CD's of course! it's been christmas and my birthday since the last time i uploaded my collection on here, i received some presents! and i bought a couple myself. very exciting. the wicked CD is on display because i got it as a birthday present and it feels very special to me, i haven't even watched the movie, i just love the soundtrack. the person who gave me the present is one of the dearest people to me in my life so instantly it holds a lot of sentimental value.

the CD's i got for christmas are:

The Best of Blur (Blur)

Romance (Fontaines D.C.)

The Great Impersonator (Halsey)

Born to Die: Paradise Edition (Lana Del Rey)

Ultraviolence (Lana Del Rey)

for my birthday:

Wicked Soundtrack

ones i have bought myself:

The Downward Spiral (Nine Inch Nails)

White Pony (Deftones)

The Very Best of The Doors (The Doors)

Something Else by The Kinks (The Kinks)

Issues (Korn)

Metallica/The Black Album (Metallica)

Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge (My Chemical Romance)

Cookies (Nineteen Nineties)

that's all!

see you later

[69fever]

mood board

the sleepy winter of early 2025, eternal slumber wished upon thee in the harrowing months one must endure

n a partial face reveal i suppose...

[69fever]

my humble CD collection ;*

(ps: i edited the lighting and stuff on this photo, what do u think?)

[69fever]

the beauty of lust for life 🍒🌞❤️

[69fever]

the beauty of ultraviolence 🚬⚡️🖤

[69fever]

the beauty of honeymoon 🍯🌙🩵

[69fever]

+1 !😁

my blooming collection❤️

[69fever]

'I see you in everything' Revised

I see you in everything

─── ─── ─── ☾ ─── ─── ───

Written: December 2023

Revised: 10th October 2024

─── ─── ─── 🌞 ─── ─── ───

I see you,

You are the shining sun.

Even when he goes to bed for the evening,

He reflects on to the moon,

Therefore, I don't shine without you.

Even when it feels like you are not there,

I know that you still are.

For through it all, we experience the same morning sky, witness the same night, and ravel in the same moonlight.

I see you in my writing -

My poetry, my journaling, my essays,

In the “C's” that appear in my school notes.

The games that I play, the music that I listen to, the places I go, 

A melody, “Us and Them”, Pink Floyd,

Us and them. I can almost hear you whispering it to me.

I see you in my bed sheets,

In the snow dragon that rests in my bedchamber.

He’s the last thing still surviving,

I embrace him as I sleep, every night ritualistically,

Your face ruminating in my restless mind.

I see you in my memories, I see you in my dreams, I see you on my IPhone,

Unfortunately… I really do.

I wish I could reach your apprehensive mind,

It’s been many moons since we’ve encountered one another, you burn too blindly.

I've uttered goodbye a million times before,

Do you wonder if any of them could be a true goodbye?

Possibly, it's serious this time,

I am glad, but why do I yearn for you still?

All I beg is that you don't forget my name,

And that you see me in everything too.

─── ─── ─── ─── ─── ─── ───

hiiiii, i've been looking back on my stuff that i've uploaded on here. it is kind of because i've been a bit uninspired recently >.< so instead i'm dedicating some time to revising/revamping my old stuff... i'm just going through some and making them, a bit better or maybe entirely different? i'm doing english lit at university right now so i guess this is kind of a helpful hobby.

anyways, this is the first one i have chosen to review. a poem i wrote in december 2023, uploaded on here in january 2024. it got some love so i wanted to review it again, now this is my revamped version in october 2024. lmk what you think >u<

if you made it this far down, hello + thank you for reading

[69fever]

my blooming collection❤️

[69fever]

_

my note

📝

-

before i leave the world

before i ascend to which realm the lord has chosen for me

i shall leave a note,

right for you, write about you

i will actualise my tales of woe

of the times my tears were caused by you

when i wept like how i do when i see roadkill

futile tears, of salt and torment

i think i should put a pen to my thoughts

and describe some of my fondest moments with you

when i smiled like how i do when i visit my mother

happy laughter, of strawberries and satisfaction

i shall recall my wasted breaths and my lost words

sweet nothings that i've yearned to tell you -

for a while now...

about my day, the book i just finished, my new favourite band

but i can't now, so here's my note

_

[69fever]

_

my dark, somber melancholia

🥀

-

my dark and somber melancholia

whilst my rainwater gather

and i study my memorabilia

we were birds of a feather

once my most prized possessions

now solemnly collect dust

i still keep them in my collections

for i need to, i must

reflecting on my dark, somber melancholia

i have no adequate reason or cause

plagued by nostalgia

stuck reminiscing on the same old shores

it's an external factor forever forcing upon me

heavy on my chest, but i let it crush

however, i shall drink my morning tea

and let the overcoming swell push

_

[69fever]

_

to be a true human

🧬

-

oh to be a hawk

a symbol of strength and grace

my wigs spread,

gracefully gliding over snow-topped mountains

i would never have to touch the ground

to be a horse

majestic and loyal friends

my hooves galloping,

playing in crystal coasts

i would never be afraid again

to be a bee

tiny and crucial

my pollen baskets full to the brim,

buzzing through wonderful wildflowers

i would never feel grey again

to be an orca

unbothered by artic seas

my dorsal fins creating waves along the surface,

swiftly swimming through the currents

i would be the fastest in the ocean

to be a tiger

a master of camouflage

my claws sharp and mighty,

climbing terrific trees effortlessly

i would be the king of the jungle

to be a human,

the only intellectual species known

my stature tall and proud,

preaching the wise words of my ancestors

i would be free, truly free

_

[69fever]

_

astral projection

☄️

-

your words lulleth over my fragile mind and cascade over my sleeping body

lingering over me like a great smog in victorian london

a chilling sensation arises atop of my arms

the face peering back in the mirror looks weird

my voice sounds distorted, my movements don't feel right

i can feel my skin ripple over my ribs

my knees poking into my calves, clicking as they bend

my hips stab into the mattress

my ribs reek of claustrophobia

the way my skin just barely covers them

unsettles me

i wish i could carve them out

just like a cow going to the slaughter

i have metal in my belly button, silver in my ears

glue on my scalp, a bar in my arm

ink in my skin, that i scratch and etch at incessantly

peeling off every piece with excruciating care

i'm constantly aggravated by my hair.

stop touching my shoulders, my neck, my hands and my face and my scalp

i could shave it all off...

but then the mirror would look...

even weirder

_

[69fever]

_

i think of you

🌗

-

endlessly ethereal, an explosion

indulgence, what i've been expeditioning for

the sweet treasure i've spent

restlessly searching for

the end of the magic fluorescent rainbow,

has finally come to me.

honey-like psychedelia

companioned with a thumping heart

warm in my brain, my body, you're a painter presenting your art

icy, thick rivers running through tireless veins

fading in and out of honesty and clarity

transforming to haunting, scarlet oceans rushing to mine head

i'm alive! i'm alive

needn't know who's with you

for misery made me a fiend

remind me that i'm alive!

recall to me how i am indulging in this hypnotism,

an experience throughout my nervous system,

transfix me with the astonishing sensation felt echoing through my soul

bewitch me with the confidence this moment has brought

so tender is thy skin, so tender is thine eyes

please, oh please, let me spend this night

ravelled in this embrace, mesmerised in this trance

my eyes are spinning and my mind is in a dance.

i roll onto my back, and lay my hand in yours

your calloused fingers wrap themselves around mine, and for a moment -

i am cured

_