777angeldust - Tumblr blog

[777angeldust]

self-portraits (2021)

i remember once an occasion i was aching. i felt so alone even when you were around. i wanted to validate my own terrible feelings so i began to count how many times you told me you loved me. i counted for a week, i tallied up the score at the end, and i sobbed that night until i couldn't breathe.

[777angeldust]

looking thru my archive, i noticed that this thanksgiving is the 4 year anniversary of my film photography journey. practicing this art form has been extremely grounding and cathartic for me, and it's so exhilarating to explore what i can do with the format.

i was just about ready to give up on artistic pursuits altogether. at the time, i felt like i had so much passion but i just couldn't bring any of my visions to life. i went out on a limb and picked up a camera just to try it out and i fell in love the moment i looked at these scans. it may seem silly given how, well, not so good these are compared to my work now, but i've never stopped feeling that joy when i create.

anyways, here are some assorted shots i took on thanksgiving 2017 on my old pentax k1000, developed at rite aid because i didn't know the first thing about film :P

always place your heart at the center of your work, and let your beautifully unique point of view shine. there's only one of you in the world and youre the only one who sees the world the way that you do. when you find the joy in that vulnerability that comes with making things you genuinely care about; things that genuinely reflect you, its so freeing. it's a super power to be able to take your point of view and allow someone else to experience it, and it's a power that we can all experience.

[777angeldust]

gaby & olivia x freexmoney

[777angeldust]

Paco Rabanne Haute Couture Fall/Wint 1997

[777angeldust]

26

i spent a portion of the night of my 25th birthday walking around my neighborhood alone, crying. i had terrible nightmares about my fate moving forward. intrusive thoughts pervaded my mind convincing me that because i haven't gotten to a point yet where i was proud of myself that the day that i am would never come.

looking back i see many triumphs. i picked myself up and learned how to begin loving myself and i finally got to know myself again. i survived an abusive relationship that slowly and methodically chipped at my self worth for over a year. i made new friends, experienced new kinds of love, and lived the most free life i've ever gotten to. i stopped suppressing my artistic impulse and started making things again.

when i look at my list of goals for 25, i didn't end up achieving a lot of them, but in turn, i also achieved things i never thought i'd ever be able to do.

what began as a very broken, cynical year of my life unveiled beautiful revelations. unfathomably bright light shines upon my face as i look forward and see the unlimited opportunities that 26 can offer me. i have a full heart today knowing that i'm loved and worthy of the things i want and capable of obtaining those things.

my biggest lesson this year: i will never "be" the person i want to be. the process of "being" isn't static and there's not even a quantifiable way to know what that "being" looks like. every day i'm becoming myself and i have the agency to become whoever i happen to become. my power to dynamically become is greater than any static idealized version of myself.

[777angeldust]

follow the light, 2018

pentax k1000, kodak 400

this is a deeply sentimental photo to me because it was one of the first i ever took where i felt like i connected emotionally with the composition of my own work and it inspired me to keep taking photos and working on my craft. i've come quite a long way since but this was definitely a pivotal moment for my creative journey. big shout out to my friends who supported my artistic pursuits and put themselves in front of my camera to bring my visions to life. i'm so so grateful 🫶🏾

[777angeldust]

Dall'ombra (Detail), 2021 - Roberto Ferri

[777angeldust]

shadow boxer, 2019

canon ae-1, fujicolor 200

[777angeldust]

Brittany Murphy photographed by Ken Sax, 2000

[777angeldust]

bathroom self-portraits, 2019

canon ae-1, ilford hp5 400

[777angeldust]

little pieces of my heart

this is a space that i'll be using as a repository for my works and my thoughts. like, 1 part portfolio, 1 part diary, with an extra sprinkle of emotional vulnerability that other social media renditions of myself don't have. my journey has shown me that certain aspects of myself i resented, such as my sensitive heart, are not things that are broken. they are actually the key to un-breaking me. every day, i work on rekindling this estranged relationship i've had with myself. i'm so happy to have been able to do so, and there's still so much more to unravel. these little pieces of me that i'm uploading here are the part of myself i've found along the way.