7ilo3

[7ilo3]

“guess you didn't cheat but you’re still a traitor” pt.2 tojixreader

and here is part 2! 

read part one here

warnings- slight mentions of sexual activities, angst (let me know if theres anything else)

angst to fluff kinda.

Your eyes are searching in the dark, limbs entangled under tojis grip.

His breathing peaceful, the only sound filling the silence.

And you suddenly remember that you are once again in his bed, but unlike other times- there wouldn’t be a next time.

Your heart aches.

The thought you hated most strikes- Why not me.

You shake your head, trying to make it go away, and slowly get up, trying to not wake toji up in the process - although with the way he is almost completely laying on top of you, it’s impossible. It almost feels like he knew you’d slip away in the middle of the night, and tried to prevent just that.

You find a way to free yourself from his grip and he tosses around, now laying on his back. His face exposed to the little light coming from the window, He looks like he’s in pain. Eyebrows knitted together, lips scrunched up and his nose wrinkled. You can’t even control your own body, your hand having a life of its own when you gently touch his scar, trying to soothe his face and make that pained expression go away.

You’re now sitting up, next to tojis warm body, trying to convince yourself to leave now, before you start having any doubts.

You suck in a breath, Why does it even hurt so much? It’s not like you’ve never left before.

But you know exactly why.

It’s because no matter how far away, no matter for how long- you never stopped thinking about him. He really was the only one, But not anymore. This can’t go on.

You’re about to get up and leave when you hear a chocked sound-

“Y/n.” Your eyes shoot up to his figure, almost scared that he will see you walk away.

Yet you are met with his sleeping form, face pained and a choked voice that keeps calling your name over and over, in his sleep.

“Y/n, don’t leave.” His choked voice fills the silent room and he tosses around non stop.

That’s when you feel them, rolling down your cheeks, hitting your lips and chin, Warm tears.

You send your hand to your eyes, almost finding it hard to believe.

He is laying now on his back, after endless tossing, and you see them- His tears.

He is crying in his sleep.

Your eyes wide with surprise, you barely process his crying when you lean forward in pain, a hand over your chest.

Your chest is throbbing and your vision becoming blurry when more tears are flowing, The pain in your chest becoming a little too much to bear.

Why is he the only one to make you feel like this? Why? Why couldn’t he just loved you?

Why not you?

At this point your crying is hysterical, you can’t control the sobs escaping you, and you are tugging on your shirt, trying to ease the growing pain your chest.

Grief. You never allowed yourself to grieve, telling yourself you always knew this day would come- but now all your walls have completely crumbled,

Your hysterical crying echos through the room and you can’t think straight.

You don’t even notice the strong hands pulling you in, his own body shaking. His hand in your hair, he is slowly rocking you, calming you down, ignoring his own shaking and crying.

Your cries starting to subside, and your lids becoming a little heavier than before.

“I’m sorry, I’m truly sorry.” His voice is broken, and his body still lightly trembling, but his grip on you is still strong and reassuring.

“The truth is I love you. I always did, but I was so busy grieving that I made you carry my own pain.” His voice raw and honest.

“I broke you and kept pushing around so you would be mine again, because the truth is you are the one I wanted all along, but I got caught in fantasies of the past and ended up hurting you, again.”

Regret. It’s heavy and all around us. So much we both regret.

But for some reason, your mind won’t let you regret loving him.

“I can’t even imagine what you went through trying to deal with all this crap, I’m really sorry.” His hand still in your hair, pulling you even closer to him.

“This is actually my biggest regret, treating you like this, making you believe you were nothing but a way to pass time,”

“But i was just being selfish. You were never a way to pass time,”

“I’m sorry y/n.”

You say nothing in return, and you’re not sure if it because your throat is completely dry or because your mind is a mess, but no words are coming out.

“And I know you probably don’t believe a word I say. hell, even I wouldn’t believe any of this- but I really am sorry.” He sighs deeply before planting a kiss in your hair.

“And I am sorry for pushing so hard, I should’ve just stopped when you said there was nothing to talk about.” His apology raw and sincere.

You glance over his face, Quiet tears escaping his eyes, His eyes filled with regret and worry is painted all over his handsome face.

And for a moment you find yourself believing, even just a little- Remembering his sleeping form, crying out your name and begging you not to leave. But is it even real? Are you allowed to believe him?

Your wiggle your hands out of his tight hug and you pull him closer to you, Your hand on his cheek, Slowly crashing your lips into his soft ones.

At first he doesn’t move his in response, completely frozen and still caught in his own pain. But his body, much like yours, cannot resist the touch.

You’re both in way too deep.

The kiss is slow, and emotional. He grabs your waist and pushes you even closer, you moan softly in response.

He whispers sweet nothings in your ear, while kissing your neck and shoulders- taking in every inch of you, adoring your form. He’s still shaking, his body still in his own hysterical state- but he is ignoring it, almost like he can’t get enough of you.

And it moves something in you.

Not fully, not completely. It does not make your pain go away, but it almost comforts you.

Your top is nowhere to be found when his mouth is latched to your nipple, your hips rolling on his lap- the pain in your chest slowly easing when you get a doze of him.

What has he done to you.

He leaves bright marks on your entire chest and gives extra special attention to the area you were grabbing in pain just a few moments earlier, kissing it better.

And then the thought you were scared of most, hits you, You don’t want to leave. You want him, no one else.

But how? How do you fix this? Where do you start? How do you even bring this up?

His hands make their way to your pants, and this time around you are the one to stop him- “Wait.” Your voice is small and weak, And you hate yourself for that.

He looks into your eyes quietly, confused.

You are about to open your mouth, but you have no idea what you are about to say yourself. A silent moment passes, and he is still looking at you, patiently.

“I don’t want to leave.” You have no control over your words, absolutely shocked when they leave your mouth.

He looks even more confused than before, but still keeping quiet- waiting to hear the rest.

“I mean- I just- “ Your mind becoming a mess.

“I can’t leave. I don’t know how to.” You fumble with your words and you can see his mind working trying to understand what is it that you’re trying to say.

You take a deep breath before speaking again,

“I don’t know how to leave you behind, because every-time i left you were still the only thing on my mind. the only thing I can do is run- but not leave.” You spill with too much honesty.

There is a glint of surprise in his eyes, but it looks like he is still trying to figure out this situation.

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore.” He moves to sit up, facing you.

“I want you more than anything else, but I can’t keep letting you hurt like this.” He runs a hand through his hair, leaving a dark mess.

He looks so.. vulnerable.

You sit up slowly, as well.

“I wish I could fix things.” He whispers, almost to himself.

“I love you.” You blurt out quietly, not even realizing what you just said.

What is he doing to you.

He’s face instantly shoots up and he panics, almost thinking it means you’re leaving. He reaches out to you, but quickly stops when he realizes what he’s doing.

But you can’t stop, you’re beyond that point. So you fall into his arms and burry your face in his neck.

“There is no one else.” The words come out muffled.

“So we should start working hard to try and fix this mess.” Your mind was already made.

long before you knew, your mind has already been made.

no matter how far away you ran, no matter how hard you tried- you cant resist him, you cant resist loving him.

It’s always been him.

You can feel the relief washing over his whole body, and he takes a deep breath.

“Yes. I promise to do anything it takes.” you can hear the smile in his voice.

Everything is far from perfect, but maybe, just maybe, you need listen to your body and mind- and try just one more time.

You hum approvingly before shutting your eyes closed and saying, “Let’s go to sleep.”

“oh? thought you didn’t come here to sleep.” the playful grin is back on.

“shut up.” 

a small smile makes its way up your lips.

his deep laugh is the last thing you hear before dozing off to sleep.

[7ilo3]

“Guess you didn't cheat But you're still a traitor”- tojixreader

pairing- tojixreader (more on the fem side ig?)

reader and toji are ex lovers and both ex-assassins.

angst

Read part two here

no spoilers. warnings- maybe slight mentions of implied sexual activity, angst. (let me know if there r any other warnings). 

i got inspired by traitor- olivia rodrigo.

“You know no one else can make you feel the things I make you feel.” With a low voice, he looks at you- no hint of mockery on his face.

“I’m not going to stop you. But we both know where we’ll end the night.” He sums up, looking at you one more time before grabbing his jacket and leaving.

That sets you off. Especially since you know he is right.

“You okay?” The soft voice snaps you out of your anger.

You look up and meet the face of the random cute guy that kept talking about his ex all night long.

He has two drinks in hand, putting one right in front of you.

“I don’t drink anything I didn’t pour myself.” you say, sounding a lil harsh.

But that doesn’t matter.

None of it does.

Because it always ends the same time way, They can’t even compare.

“It’s ok, it’s not like I’m going to drug you or anything.” He jokes, half offended.

“S’nothing personal, I just have to look out for myself.” you say firmly.

“Just drink a little!” He keeps persisting.

“I went out of my way to get it, you’re really not going to drink any??” He whines at your lack of response.

He is annoying. Even more than before.

The low music in the background, the smell of alcohol in the air and this strangers annoying whining all at once, hits you.

“Yeah. I’m not going to.” you send an unimpressed look his way.

“What a bitch. How about you live a little.”

You shoot another annoyed look his way, making sure he knows you’re not having it.

No wonder his ex left him.

“I’ve had enough.” You state, getting up.

“No, where do you think you’re going?” He gets up as well, grabbing your arm.

“Hands off.” you look down at his hand that is now locked on your wrist.

“No-“

“I’ve heard enough.”

Before he can say anything else, you push him away, making him trip on his own feet, you leave the noisy bar and hop in your car, driving exactly where you knew you would end up.

You stop the car right in front of his house,

Not wanting to get out and face your total defeat,

Knowing you will see his shit eating grin.

“Shit.” You mutter to yourself as you get out of your car, walking to the front door.

you knock twice.

The door swings open a few seconds later and he stares right at you, not saying anything just yet.

“Well, that didn’t take long.”

There it is, that shit eating grin.

You stay quiet, knowing he is right.

You use this moment to admire his casual look, wearing simple sweats and a tank.

“Come in.” He says a little softly, after you don’t respond to his mocking.

You follow him inside, feeling a little shame creeping.

You stare at his built back, not fully ready to face your total defeat just yet.

He sighs quietly in response.

“I’m guessing it didn’t go all that well.” He breaks the new found silence.

“He couldn’t stop talking about his ex.” You say, still not making eye contact.

“I can see why she left him.” You add almost rolling your eyes only thinking about that failed date.

He chuckles lightly,

“Yeah, I figured that much.” He slightly teases

You look up to meet his gaze,

He’s examining your face, looking for any kind of clear emotion.

But you can’t seem to find any yourself.

Every thing has been a mess ever since things went down hill for you two.

You first met on a mission.

You didn’t let anyone in your life, You were an assassin and you knew the weight of things.

You had no room for feelings or love, but slowly that shell cracked, and his snarky smile grew on his face- making you melt.

For the first time you let your guard down, letting him sway you off your feet.

It was sweet, comforting and exactly right- to you at least.

Till you realized you weren’t the one he really loved.

When the love his life suddenly came back, everything changed.

While dating, you never brought her up. Toji was never ready, and you accepted that.

Toji was so sure she was gone, but she appeared right in front of you two, running into the arms of her lover, that lost her for a long while.

His ex-wife wasn’t dead, in fact, she just lost her memories and got taken away by one of the people that swore on getting revenge on toji, who was once a great assassin.

Confused, he welcomed his ex-wife in his arms, over joyed with being able to hold her once more.

Later he learned from the police that her memories came back to her while she was living far away, where she was taken to- and she contacted the police herself- they rescued her right away.

Once she came back your relationship was put on hold.

There was nothing else to do.

He couldn’t exactly explain all to her, or you. But they were reunited once more, and still very much legally married- so it seems.

So you had to leave.

you left, not saying a word.

He called you and asked you to come over and talk things out,

but you already accepted what’s to come.

you still came by, though it ended rather quickly as she awkwardly walked into the kitchen wearing one of your shirts, asking if you’d like anything to eat.

Half-assed apology and a quick pitiful look, He knew exactly how it looked- as if you were just a way to pass time, to fill a void.

But that was the truth, and somewhere, somehow, you already knew it, deep down.

when you learned how brightly he smiled every time he’d look at that photo of hers he kept in his dresser, when his eyes would spark with joy anytime he remembered something they did together.

Of course when she was gone, that did not matter- because you could understand. But with her reappearing- things looked a lot different.

And yet she wasn’t at fault, if anything you were the one standing right in the middle, but you couldn’t help but secretly curse them out in your mind.

And so You left.

went far away, coping and learning to move on from what you once thought was the greatest love you ever had.

only for you to come back a few years later and discover they actually broke things off, pretty quickly.

New and improved salary woman you met the new and improved salary man toji, at a work dinner- very different from the ones you used to attend.

one mistake led to another and You ended up in his bed.

And you kept going back, till You realized you simply can’t anymore.

The way things ended, how you gave your heart, only to sit your own house, like a complete stranger. Completely replaceable.

So you tried to run away again, you tried to find others. But no else can compare.

No one else can make you feel.

“You seem tired, and you probably have a lot going on in that pretty mind of yours.”

“let’s go to bed.” He says quietly.

“I didn’t come here to sleep.” You send a dissatisfied look his way.

“I have my own bed for that.” You scoff.

“Of course you didn’t. But it’s late and you’re tired, we have plenty of time for everything else.”

A pained scoff escapes you while hearing his words.

“We have plenty of time?” You repeat, displeased.

He sighs in frustration.

“I told you already, no else can make you feel like this,”

He runs his fingers through your hair, taking a step closer.

“You came back, once more.”

you shake his hand away.

“No one else can do it for me either,” he says softly, not discouraged by your blatant attempt to push him away

“We always end up here. So why can’t we just try again?”

irritated, rolling your eyes immediately, you bite back.

“You really do have a thing for your exes, huh?”

Now it’s his turn to roll his eyes at you.

“Yeah. I guess I do.” He shoots back, unphased.

“But i want you, no one else.”

There it is.

The issue.

you just can’t seem to accept that it’s true.

You wish he understood how hard it is for you. But you never bothered telling him, not wanting to admit how replaceable you felt since.

“This is most definitely not what I came here for,”

“I’m starting to regret leaving that idiot date who also had a thing for his exes.” you grumble.

His deep laugh fills the quiet room.

“You definitely have type too.” He smirks, amused.

And that was all you could take.

Yeah, you most definitely have a type too.

You crash your lips on his soft lips, needy and irrational.

At first a little taken a back, but Toji responds almost immediately- pulling you even closer, working his lips on yours, equally eager.

Hands in hair, tongues intertwined, his scent all around you-

You almost forget all your troubles for a second.

Your knees becoming weak, the kiss becoming deeper and your need growing stronger all at once,

Toji doesn’t miss a beat, always knowing best- grabs your ass and lifts you up as it was nothing, heading to the bedroom.

He places you on the bed, before You push him on top of you, trying to catch his lips again.

“wait-“ he manages to say in between kisses,

You stop, confused.

“I want us to talk first.”

“You’re still on that?” You grumble.

“Yes.” He sends an unimpressed look your way.

“Fine. Talk.” You finally break.

“I want you to give us another chance.”

The surprise clear in your eyes as you hear him talk, thinking you were done with this.

“this is going to go on because we want each other, so why not do it properly?” He insists again.

“We can’t do it properly.” You answer simply.

“Why.” He looks at you, determined.

“And This,” You gesture between the two of u

“Is not going to go on, this is definitely the last time.” You ignore his question and sum up.

“We both know this isn’t the last time, doll.”

“Except it is.”

“No else does it for you, princess. It’s only me.” He ignores your last comment, a smug look on his face.

“No one else can make you scream like thi-“

You shoot a warning look his way and his smug look fades away.

He sighs heavily before continuing, this time less playful.

“Look, I want you. There is no one else.”

“so just give me a chance. I know you are hesitant because of how things went dow-“

“You don’t know shit about how things went down.” you cut him off.

“You got what you always wanted while i had to leave my whole life behind.” Anger replacing the annoyance you were feeling just a minute ago.

The confusion and shock is painted all over his usually unfazed face, upon seeing your reaction.

“What i always wanted?” He questions out loud.

“You got back the one you really loved. The only one you loved.” You snap.

“Y/n, that is not true, of course I loved you too-“

you sneer, cutting him off once more,

“No. You didn’t.”

He sits up, about to protest.

You get to if first, finally opening up that old wound.

“I never asked, knowing how hard it was for you- losing her. I knew you loved her, I knew I was only there to fill a void, and I could live with that as long as she wasn’t there,”

you can’t control yourself anymore, the words just rolling on your tongue.

“But when she came back, I knew my time was over. There was no doubt, you got the one you really loved back and now it was time for me to clear the way, because there was no void to fill any longer.” you feel the lump slowly forming in your throat, but you refuse to cry here, this is not what you came for.

“It was never like that, you weren’t there to fill anything.” He immediately protests.

“Yeah, I was struggling, but I was with you because i wanted to be with YOU.” He looks at you dumbfounded, like you misread everything.

And that feels like a slap to your face.

“Did you think I wouldn’t know?”

“Do you think I didn’t notice how your face lit up just looking at her picture? Thinking of her?”

Your voice is small and weak, as you try no to sob.

“You never looked that happy with me, but I could bear with it.”

“I never asked or preyed where I shouldn’t, even though I wished that one day you’d like to tell me.”

“I thought that you being with me is more than enough.” Your voice breaks, as you try and hold back the lump that is forming in your throat.

“That was until I saw your eyes when they landed on her, how fast you reacted and how much joy you felt. Thats when I knew it was over for me. That’s when I realized I was just a replacement.”

Your voice breaks completely.

But still no tears, You will not let yourself shed any of those. Not here. Not now.

You look up to his face that is now full of guilt.

So it finally hit him- how it was really not all that perfect like he liked to believe.

“M’sorry doll, I really didn’t see things like that.” He breaks the silence, after a few tense heavy moments.

“Yeah, that’s the problem.” You don’t bother trying anymore.

You just lift yourself up, about to leave.

This was a mistake anyways. you tell yourself as you turn your back to him.

“Wait- don’t leave.” He shoots up the bed, following you out of the room.

“Let’s talk this out an-“

“Enough, toji.” You look up at him sharply, eyes glossy, as your firm voice cuts through, Filling the silent house.

He furrowed his eyebrows, looking confused.

“You know, the real problem is I can’t believe it when you say you want me.” Your walls are crumbling and you can’t seem to hide any of your feelings anymore.

He looks up, his eyes are wide and wild as he takes a step closer.

“What can I do to make you believe me?” He pleads. sounding almost.. desperate.

Like he knows You’re slipping away, this time for good.

This is a side of toji You never knew.

“I don’t think you can.” You look down, staring at the floor. Your voice is quiet, defeated.

Before you know it, you are been squeezed in his arms.

He inhales your scent, not saying anything else.

Defeat. Now it’s final, and you both know it.

“Please stay with me tonight, you can leave tomorrow.” He pleads with urgency, whispering into your hair.

You slowly nod, realizing he means for good.

And so you stay, just for one more night.

Letting your self indulge in him, just one more time before you learn to love again.