a-day-in-the-life-of-a-brotha

[a-day-in-the-life-of-a-brotha]

1/23/22-Exhausted

I’m sitting her at my night gig attempting to quiet my mind of my next day’s happenings…to no avail. It’s 2:08 a.m. and delirium has set in. Exhaustion doesn’t fully describe this night in the teens temperature wise. I’m ready to go. I’m ready to sleep. I don’t wish to talk to anyone…but we all know that you attract what you don’t want. So many people tried to talk to me…not even tried…they DID.

The use of the word nigga, spewed out of white women’s mouth during a Snoop song, didn’t sit well with me…this bar gets wild. I could go to sleep right now. I did too…for about 30 seconds. I’m drifting now. End

Well I’m up now…3 young ladies walked in, and there was confusion on what needed to present to me. “Your ID & Vaccine card”! is what I exclaimed, I had to yell, due to the deafening music spun by the recycled DJ here. I was forced to get the shot, just so I could work. I’m not happy about that at all. Nicole is in my life, she a good woman, a Sagittarius like me. Wild!! My beloved children are not children at all…they are 15!! Fif…teen!! Wow!! It’s been 15 years since my life changed completely…I’m tired, exhausted…I leave this job to go another, to leave that job, to leave and go to my self made Reviewer job. Big Schlim is doing well…I’m almost at 50,000 followers. I’m exhausted…that’s it.

[a-day-in-the-life-of-a-brotha]

10/29/21- Shadow Work

Well a lot has transpired since my last entry into this joint. My food review blog Big Schlim has blown up! I get out about 35,000 followers total, I eat for free sometime, and I’m recognized as a local celebrity. It really feels good. Call right now today I don’t feel so hot. Why… Well me.

The bus engine is turning at home writing this but not typing this… Work is still work…and it’s a rainy Friday…Halloweens eves eve. I have a much needed vacation coming up on Monday..it’s possible and plausible that I’m going to New York…big city of dreams. I’m going to spend my time up there doing food reviews. More fame and money is coming…I feel it. I’m waiting for this writers job at the City Paper to come through. I know I got it…$300 a week plus $50 for food.

There are a ton of things that have transpired since I made my last entry. Workplace woes,  relationship woes… but also some good things like my son and daughter are in athletics at their first year in high school. So I pretty much have to go up to get them and see them daily. My son fell off from football because it’s great seller… Maybe next year. My daughter completed her volleyball season and it was pretty dope… Even though they lost every game.

Well what I’m here today for is my shadow work. I’ve been ghosting women and I’ve been getting ghosted by women. I’ll find one little flaw and then I’ll dip. Strangely enough I’m a little down, I’m all depressed, I’m actually lonely. Hello Mia‘s word that I never used to use. Simply because I never get bored so I’m never truly lonely… I thought. Now this may be some midlife crisis thing. I am going to be 46 in one month. But I’m now realizing that I am scared… That’s why I push most women away. I’m insecure about me being able to sexually please a woman, about my living space… I still live with my mom. About my emotional intelligence… Attend to stray away when I don’t get what I want from a woman. And that means conversation the listening ear fashion that I need… how do you scared but none of these things are going to be done. My mother never truly listen to me as a child even as an adult. So that’s a trigger from when I’m not listen to and I know when someone’s not listening to me… I dip.No really what I’m doing is using that as an excuse for my inhibitions and insecurities. I’ll tell myself that she doesn’t listen well her cognitive dissonance is not there… And that gives me a reason to leave. But in all actuality it’s me. My conflict resolution is almost null and void. I’m scared. I’m afraid to be love… I’m afraid of what that really looks like. In my fear it’s rejection that plagues my mind. I’ve really been a long damn near all my life I mean I know everyone can see that but I haven’t had a partner to truly stick it out with me. And I’m now realizing from the first hurt that I got a reason why no one sticks it out with me… is me. 

I’m scared.

[a-day-in-the-life-of-a-brotha]

7-28-21 The Socialites party

5:58 p.m.- Sitting here with my daughter, playing a video game (GTA5), I opened up this app...I knew I hadn’t posted in quite some time. I got called into my bouncing gig. They’ve been extremely late in Latin me...causing me anxiety to no bounds. They called me because a socialite I knew was host her birthday party there at their spot. Now this socialite is of the upper echelon of black folk in DC. I mean she’s THE shit when it comes to bourgeois culture in DC. So when they called me in I was puzzled. The message from Candace read that it’s the Marvins on Monday crowd coming in, they can be ratchet. Now wait a min...Marvins on Monday crowd??? That’s MY crowd!!! That’s where I used to frequent before Covid shut them down. It’s a uncanny night to go two step, Monday is. So the crowd...you’re getting the Happy hour crowd, the I run my own business crowd, I have money crowd, and I’m a cool broke college student that likes swanky bars crowd...they ain’t about that life. Shit the reasons I would go was because it was a safe space for me. There was never any trouble. I was furious...not furious, but screwfaced when I got that message. Well, so be it...they want to pay me for nothing (that’s when they pay me mind you) so be it. I’ll be there.

[a-day-in-the-life-of-a-brotha]

7-10-21 Here we go AGAIN

Well...me and Dani are done!! That’s it. She got ghost for a week. I got use to it. Our conversations were getting boring. She purposefully muted herself while we were out, because I was doing a review. I MADE time to go see her on a 19 day work stretch (tired). She didn’t call the next day (disrespectful). I felt another presence lingering. I left...no explanation. I was done. Period.

[a-day-in-the-life-of-a-brotha]

6-18-21 Walking in my truth

8:49a.m. Wow!! So much and so little has transpired, my twins graduation, more food reviews, arguments with Dani and O ( that were quickly squashed), a meet up with Diallo, a bad review that got attention l, daily talks with my Deda, a misunderstanding with Tammy, a consultation with Teresa, 3 days a week consolidated to two days a week at my part time gig, breathing techniques, enough money to fix things, Father’s Day gifts, and atonement at my job!!

Let’s start here...my twins graduated middle school!! Off to High school!! Wow!! I’m sooo very proud of them, they are such strong charactered people, strong willed, intelligent, and highly opinionated...they are true critical thinkers. Larry is playing football...well practicing...lifting weights. He’s getting diesel!! I’m glad that he committed to something. Chas is going out for the volleyball team. They are going to Westlake high school...this should be fun!! “This is the time to buckle down, high school ain’t no joke” said their grandmother whilst at Olive Garden. It’s true... We ( my sister, mother, Chas, Larry, Somaia, Dominique, Gwen, their uncle and his wife and daughter and Dominique’s friend) we supposed to going to Sakura the Japanese restaurant after their drive by graduation (yes drive by graduation) but it was closed so we went to...Old ass olives fermented garden. I was bummed out because I wanted to review Sakura, but I had to settle for that spot. It was good to set aside differences and have this blended extended family have dinner together for the benefit of the offspring (offspring? What are they chickens Larry smh hahahaha).

Dani... She is still here, and our bond grows tighter the more time goes by. It truly feels like we’ve know each other forever and a day. We had a argument(yes argument) about...well I won’t say why I was about. Just know that I was a heated discussion on pet peeves. We squashed it though...it took me a night of silence to do so. In the morning, we were back to normal, enjoying the space we share...dancing when we feel like it, hugging when we feel like it, blurting out “By the power of Grayskull” randomly (me). Feels good to be able to fully be yourself, craziness and all, around someone. She showered me with gifts for Father’s Day...an early Father’s Day...I’m eternally grateful, I haven’t received gifts like that in quite some time now.

Omar...Little O is insecure. Little O likes to control. I let him, I am not in need of control, however his control comes with a belligerent mouth and bossy disposition. He had been at it all week...telling me shit I didn’t need to hear, all for attention, so he can feel like he knows something. Well on this day I had it up to here!! He said “Cmon Larry you can’t be reading a book while we’re working!” “Yes I can” I swiftly exclaimed!! It blew up from there...I blew up from there. “Fuck you’s” we’re exchanged...etc. When our supervisor came out to find out what the commotion was about I said “Dave, this is between me and him, stay out of this!” Nonetheless this entire garage went quiet, and everyone stayed out of my way. My rage is just as loud as my peace...but most folks rarely see my rage. We squashed it, hugged it out...that’s it.

Diallo...I haven’t seen this brother in a couple years now. Before he went back to Africa, he asked that I meet up with him. “I need some energy” he said. I was leery about that statement initially...but spirit said it was ok to see him. I missed my brother, and the meeting was genuine...we were happy to see each other.

My food reviews have up it up a level or two. I’ve been doing video reviews alongside the pictures, and I’m going to different places, getting responses from restaurant owners, I got business cards and also a plan!! I truly enjoy being a reviewer, I know I’ve found my nitch in life...this is one of the things I’m supposed to be doing. I’m done writing for the moment...

[a-day-in-the-life-of-a-brotha]

6-7-21 I know who I am, purpose

7:58 a.m. The machines are buzzing, along with the faint sound of cicadas in the background...it warm warm, but I’m in the shade and the Creator has blessed us with breezes. It’s Monday morning and I’m glowing, I feel it, I feel complete. God comes to mind, and I’m in a space where I am truly grateful for my experiences here. This life has been a rollercoaster ride, but that rollercoaster has taught me tons. It’s a calm Monday...Omar is not here at work, I’m well rested, and ready to get this day over with. I talked to my Dani this morning, briefly. I miss her. It’s been a few days since I’ve touched her face. She remains a special part of my life, pulling me up on my idiosyncrasies, having my back, front, sides and everywhere in between. I could not ask for a better woman in my life, wife. I missing my children too...they got season passes to Six Flags and their summer is about to begin. So they basically wanted to stay at their moms so they could “do them”. I understand...”Dad’s house” (my house) may be a tad bit boring at times. But there is lots of love in my place... I have a lot going on in my life right now, I found my purpose and it’s not overwhelming. It feels good to know. The sun shines bright on me and I finally FEEL it. I’m acclimated to the bouncing gig I have, and it’s paying off. The money is good and my body has adjusted to the timeframe I work. I’m basically going from that gig to my main gig, sleeping in my car for about vans hour n a half. I actually enjoy bouncing at this particular spot via me being treated well and trusted. The owner of the business is a top chef, and that’s impressive. Nothing in my life is ironic...I met him for a reason, I’m a good reviewer for a reason. That’s all I will say about that. Being a sober bouncer is strange at times. You’re able to witness the shit that people do whilst inebriated. That lesbian bar next to the spot I work at is a trip. They do more heckling, harassment, catcalling, bitch naming...than men do. I guess it’s coming from a woman so it seems harmless. Adams Morgan is still wild as hell, but being where I’m at in life I’m able to handle it and hopefully in the interim, I help people. That Watermelon I had this morning was delicious, so was that water. My bouncing gig has this glass bottle water...that stuff is sooo refreshing. Those plastic joints must be fucking us up, because I felt like I drank real water for the first time in a long time. I’m hungry right now!! I’m going to a spot called the Incaged Chefs today...I’m excited. That’s it.

[a-day-in-the-life-of-a-brotha]

5-24-21 Back at it, stronger, better, faster...older

5:52 a.m. I’m at the plantation, sitting in my car, 3 mins until I walk in. There are a myriad of thoughts dancing in my head, I’m still not well rested (a black cat...well the resident black cat walks by without seeing me). It’s a gray, drab Monday, but I’m in good spirits...my Dani is well, but she has a lot on her mind. She’s my biggest supporter and I’m appreciative. My children are fine, they are my biggest supporters, I dropped them off yesterday to their moms...I miss them already, especially since I really didn’t see them this weekend because of me new position. Pause...I have to go into work...

5-26-21 Unpause, thrust into debauchery again

Well,?I walk into work that Monday...I work...that’s pretty much it. It’s another day, I post a review, I talk with O and stay away from others for the day. The 17 year cicadas are out in full force. Everything is eating them, dogs, birds, humans...they must be delicious, but I will never find out. As I am sitting here I’m hearing a noise beyond the cars riding by, beyond the birds chirping, beyond the crickets and even the annual cicadas. I realize that the noise is the 17 year joints. It sounds like a cry from the heavens...a wailing...shot if I waited 17 years for a mate I guess I’d sound like that too. It’s eerie. I went to go pick up Dani yesterday, she was having a moment on Monday, crying about her next steps in life. I felt her pain, and I didn’t want her to be there. I’m the other half of her, and I’m responsible for helping her with her ailments. I asked those that are not seen to help me help her. Let me take her mind racing ailment, let me take her pain away. It worked, they answered, and on 5-24-21...I woke up with my mind racing. I knew that I took on her angst, I handled it accordingly and kept busy...ahhhh that’s what was significant on Monday. I was dead tired and I worked worked that day. Controlling my mind to not go too far over the edge. I even came home that day and started cleaning, cooking, washing, resetting my phone, cropping pictures, hooked up my studio, pulled out the dip kit, packed a go bag...just everything. Sleep was easy to delve into that night. “Goodnight Dani” is all I remember saying. It feels good to have money in my pocket on a Monday...and there is a reason why my pocket is heavy. So last Thursday I’m home, my off day, I’m chillin out on the balcony talking with...who else...my Dani. “I need to find a way to get some more money” I said. Now that statement comes not to long after a conversation we had about our ancestors, and how to put them to work for you, how they are always around and how they are READY to work for you. I contemplated more money for a hot second...then I let it go. No more than an hour later I get a call while on a call...the phone reads “Black”. “Let me see what he wants...hold on babe” I say. “Black man with the permanent tan...what up” I say to him, my normal greeting, even though we haven’t talked in a while. He says “Aye...I have a gig for you”, “Uhhhh ok what is it”? Then in the background I hear a all to familiar voice say “Heyyyyy Farman!” Ha!! It’s my long time friend Reds, Frenchie, Arlen...man these guys go back 30 plus years with me...I’m overwhelmed because it’s good to hear from them, and a plethora of memories rush through my head...those young good times. Nonetheless Black tells me about this bouncing gig. I deny it...it’s going to interfere with my regular job....but damn the money sounds good. He wanted me to stop what I was doing and go on an interview...I said “Nah...I’m cooking dinner, fuck it, I’m not going to be able to do it.” “Ok, I’ll vouch for you dog, just show up.” Damn...I thought to myself “Ok, Ok, I’ll do it!” Now I’ve retired from bouncing some years ago...now here I am again, finding myself thrust back into the belly of the beast in Adams Morgan. I’m a veteran of this strip. I know what goes on. Sex, drugs, and people that have yet to find themselves with severe mental disabilities and money. It’s a rough place for an enlightened human being, for someone that knows themselves, and has chosen to not be in the midst of that kind of debauchery any longer. When I was there those years back...it was me that didn’t know who I was, it was me that was susceptible to the night life, lifestyle. I got involved...selling this, drinking that, this woman, that woman, money money, cheating, lying, abusing (me), loneliness, depression, not trusting anyone and myself, not stopping people from going over the edge...essentially I died there, now I’m back and I’m reborn. I met many good people there in the past...hell if I wasn’t there, I would’ve never met my children’s mother. So not everything was bad...I learned a lot and I grew a lot.

5-26-21 Continued

So now I’m 45 I got this offer to bounce again, and I took it. I’m at a different place in life from 10 years ago. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke (weed anymore), I’ve done some egoism work, shadow work, and tempered my life to a better place. $25 an hour, perks like a STOOL to sit on all night (unfounded in the bouncing arena), $25 worth of food each night (an Asian american mix), $20 a night for parking...and I’m sitting outside checking ID’s all night...I’m doing nothing...getting paid. The place is called Death Punch...and it’s full of the residuals of the old Adams Morgan. Everyone in this spot is on coke, and I know it. I’m cool with it... The hours are from 10-3 a.m. and I work at 6 a.m....it a rough schedule but I can do it...shit it was hard...I had to leave that spot the first night and go to my main gig and sleep in the car until 5:50 and go to work. Whew...it was rough but I did it. Black told me to wear a black polo, and not to wear my crown...my signature red, black and green Kufi...that’s a part of my protection. I know I’m suppose to be weary a white Kufi...I know. So I obliged Black on the first night and man was I susceptible to all of the energies that shook my hand (millionaires by the way). Confusing energies, coming up to me talking about their wild ways and ill thoughts. I had to consciously swerve them these no good energies and some good. Long story longer...that first day a woman walking with her man caught my eyes. She was of hispanic decent and this instance happened in milliseconds. While walking, she pulled her mask down, smiling, and said to me “It feels funny being sober out here amongst everyone drunk!” I knew right at that moment that this was an angel, an ancestor...it wasn’t that woman. That comment stopped me in my tracks. Struck me in my soul. It had my mouth open. I yelled to her as she and her man were yards away “How’d you know I am sober?” She yelled back “Because I am”!! That moment moved me to the point of confirmation of me being in Adams Morgan in the state I am today. Shit I was even called a Bitch while simultaneously being called a King by a sista that had to be kicked out of the bar. In her moment of diluted, inebriated (coke) anger...she hurled what the average man would take as an insult (only a bitch nigga responds to being called a bitch), and right after she came back to herself from the sunken place and gave me the right title of King. That Saturday I wore my Kufi...I was fine...it was a swift night, and nobody cared that I had it on...I was protected. I saged and Florida watered the shit out of me before going in that night. Here’s to new endeavors, and being paid.

[a-day-in-the-life-of-a-brotha]

5-21-21 Manifestations

9:05a.m I’m at the plantation, my co-workers Friday=My Monday. It’s a peculiar day to start your work week...it always works out for my benefit, starting my work week on Friday. It’s lax when I get here...people are ready to end their workweek. It being lax...propels me to be lax. When Omar walked up today we greeted each other. “Sup Bro” I said, “Ain’t shit, sup with you” he said....”Shit...I’m aggressive today” I said. “Yeah, can tell by the way you patted my back, Booby Big Hand ass nigga!” I laughed...out loud and said “You right”...then I went back to concentrating on a video I was making for my straight up philosophy page...via inspiring drummed up. So I’ve know Omar (O is what most call him) for almost 30 years now. We met tumultuously, at The University of the District of Columbia...High School part 2, or the University of Dumb Children as we ironically called it. Long story longer...I didn’t like I when I met him, I moved to S.E. eventually where he lived, and that’s where we became friends. Since im aggressive today, I met O with some aggressiveness. “Yung, could you get the back of the bus please” he asked. Aggressively I responded “Why!” We then had a mild heat exchange as would two bull Bisons meeting on a field. That quickly was subsided, we remained quite for a bit then we slowly ease into talking to embrace other again. This is a normal occurrence. So today...I’m a tad bit anxious. I’m getting my twins and I can’t wait...I haven’t had them next to me in 3 weeks...but it’s back to the regular schedule...weekends with them until summertime. We are going to different spots to get food and we are reviewing the food...Chas is getting jerk chicken, Larry a burger from Red Robin, and I’m going to this vegan soul food spot. I’m truly looking forward to them and our adventure this evening. What’s got me truly up in arms is the job I manifested yesterday. Whilst on the phone with My Dani, I was speaking about needing to acquire more money...welp...about an hour later...my ancestors so it fit to help manifest that thought. Black and Reds called. Black presented an opportunity to become a bouncer again...a profession I let go over 10 years ago, give or take. $120 for 6 hours...I need the money. I dread going back into this business though...I swore off bouncing, and I’m not young anymore...staying up all night could potentially fuck with my mental health, shit I work weekends at 6a.m. and the bouncing gig is over at 3a.m.. The dilemma...

[a-day-in-the-life-of-a-brotha]

5-18-21 Free at last...semi free that is..

6:29 p.m. I’m waiting for my food to heat up. I went to this pizza spot call We the pizza, to start another leg of my food reviewer life, I changed reviewer to Influencer and I’m now doing 60 second review videos. I was asked to today by Helena, if this reviewer thing is a temporary thing (as Sagittarius’s do at times) or what. “It’s FOOD, and I never tired of that” I exclaimed!! Anyway not too much has transpired since I last made an entry in here. There was a 24 hour pause me and my Dani had last week...I was irritated that I didn’t have enough money to come see her and I let my irritation get the best of me. She said “You sounded irritated, so I figured you needed some space.” Ironically, I was irritated because I didn’t want any space. That was a long 24 hours, and I literally was sick...love sick...It was unconditional communicating with her...REALLY. We talked about it, we squashed it. Did I apologize? I don’t think so...I need to though. It felt good having her presence back. My spirit lifted once we started out jovial conversations again. I truly love her, and I feel deeply connected with her...I don’t want to lose her.

5-19-21 Continue, Go, Again...trial n error

10:18 a.m.- I ate yesterday evening, started gaming and completely neglected yesterday’s entry. Where was I? I’on even know, but me and Dani had another mild heat exchange last night. Because I didn’t like her answer to where she would visit if she could visit any time period. I was being an ass, pushing her for a answer acceptable to ME. Geesh Larry...I apologized from the heart and mind to her. Now I’m outside on the balcony, sweating, but working on my art project. Trial and error is all I can say via the artwork being finished. I’m spray painting my “Power” ReWop symbol on cardboard (for now) because I’ve always had an affinity for graffiti and tagging...I’ve just never done it. I’ve doodled all my life...I have characters that I draw (my children, when they were children always attempted to mimic my characters). But putting these symbols and characters on a canvas with spray paint is rather challenging!! But so far...I’m loving it. I just started my video Big Schlim food Reviews yesterday. I was feeling like I needed to do more with Big Schlim...and videos are it. So I’m doing 60 second video reviews of spots. I figured quick videos that are to the point and jovial will interest most in these rushed times. I’m not going to stop writing or taking pictures though...there is a audience for that and I simply like doing it. It’s honing my writing skills. I miss my son and daughter...they are maturing fast. Bigga has started weight training for football...I’m sooo happy about that. He has always been naturally athletic and honestly I foresee NFL with him...I KNOW it’s going to happen. I’m glad that up until now his mind has been cultivated...he will never be a dumb jock...more so a intellectual that excels at athleticism. Nonetheless, I miss his presence (we have been playing gta as of late though). My daughter I notice stays at her cousins house often. It concerns me, but in talking to her I know she’s safe. She’s concerned about getting into this school she applied to...I know she got in but it’s not for me to know, it’s for her to KNOW. We recently talked about the power of the mind...again!! Hahahahaha!!! “You know manifest what you think about, so if you don’t think you’ll get into the school then...” I said stopping myself at the end to not encompass the negative thought of her not getting in the school. “Yes Dad” she said grudgingly. I know I repeat myself in teaching lessons...so...I quickly switch subjects “Did you watch all of the Circle” I ask in attempts to start a conversation and keep an open line of communication with her so I don’t become that lecturer Dad...I’m not that anyway...am I? We talk briefly about the show...she’s ready to get off the phone...she does quickly...per normal. I’m super proud of her, her mind, her love for all things, her subtle fierceness...I see her...I miss her...it’s been 3 weeks since I’ve had them both over here. I’m looking forward to seeing them this weekend.

Frustration #1 Work...working inhibits freedom. One may say that it allots a freedom by compensating you for your time. But that compensation is never enough and will never take the place of time with your loved ones. That’s what we work for...that which is free...time. It’s shameful truly, all the God given things in this life...we pay for. When I get my children for the weekend...my time will be limited with them via...work. I work weekends...I see them sleep when I leave, then I’m sleepy by the time I get home. It sucks. Working a job (not working something you love) is frustrating...time.

Frustration #2 My children’s mother. Pressing me out to get some cleats immediately for Bigga. She doesn’t communicate to me about him starting football, didn’t ask me how I felt about him playing...nothing. She never consults me on anything...control for almost 15 years. But when she wants me to do something she wants it when she wants it...period. She hasn’t been a good person to me since they’ve been born. you would think I’m a dead beat...I’m not, shes just insecure and NEEDS to control them and me. Frustrating.

[a-day-in-the-life-of-a-brotha]

5-11-21 Deficiency and a old Frustration

4:13 p.m.- I’m home, it’s my Friday but it’s Tuesday, and a plethora of things have transpired since my last entry. Mammas day has passed and I did what I could do for my Ma, and Dani. Rita’s gelato and Italian ice for me motha and a plant, drink (virgin), popcorn and a crab grilled cheese for Dani. My mother’s reaction was typical “Awww thank you, this is my favorite!” Dani was appreciative as well. I’m actually supposed to be with Dani right now, but the way my finances are set up, it didn’t allot me the wherewithal to go see her. We have the same days off this week, but...low money on my part is aggravating. I pushed through work in the last few days, Sunday being a REAL workday had me tired physically and mentally. “Mr. D I’ll do ALL the trucks today!” I exclaimed....”Well ALRIGHT, take ya time their, ya know!” “Ok Mr. D...I will.” I work hard , I go get gifts, drop them off...and head home from Baltimore, barely keeping my eyes open, but ecstatic that I was able to finagle something out of the little bit of money that I had. Monday was a breeze...beside the cashier at 7-11 not knowing what cigarettes I smoke and making an uncanny joke about me giving correct change to him, Monday just went on by...and I was in good spirits. Today their was a shift, that I can’t explain, but it’s not seemingly good (although I KNOW that an uncomfortableness is always a good thing for me). I feel drained, deficient...lacking intellectual stimulation. I need that in my life at times, I need that connect with my cerebral, that vibration. For years I’ve sat by myself and I’ve been fine with recycling that type of connection with...ME. Lately I’ve been desired it from outside sources, and I feel like I’m lacking...I’m not doing enough to feed that desire. I’m in pain. My upper back has been killing me...I believe it’s my sciatic nerve. Coupled with stress...yeah...hurt.

4:32 p.m. That retro frustration

So a week or two back, I’m in Aldi’s (My store of choice besides LidL). Pause...did I write about this already? Let me see...well, never mind...here goes.

So I’m in Aldi, just buying juice. I swiftly walk in, masked up, find my juice, look at items I don’t need, and I get in the shortest line. I’m in line looking around at other things I don’t need, like the eggplant someone left near the cashiers belt. I noticed that there was a white guy with just a couple items ahead of me. My ear is open...it stays open...I MUST be aware and pay attention to my surroundings at all times...ANYTHING could happen. So I hear the cashier politely say “Did you find everything ok?” Oh, first he said “Hey, how are you doing sir?” The dude answered “I’m good.” Then the other customer service question was asked. I’m steadily contemplating purchasing this eggplant, thinking about the ingredients I have a home...”Do I have enough breadcrumbs, sauce, and, eggs to make eggplant parmigiana?” “Nope...I don’t have the parmigiana...sooo I’m not running back to get it because it’s people behind me...oh well” I say to myself. The cashier is ready, he takes my items and says “That’ll be $6.14.” I noticed that he (the cashier was a gay white guy) didn’t greet me, ask me if I found anything ok...nothing. I’m tense at this time “should I tell this nigga, punch this nigga, or mute myself completely” I say in my head. I just shake my head, get my products and receipt and bounce. That got me to thinking about how the lbg....community has double standards. Heterosexual black men don’t get respect from them...obviously. That interaction didn’t set well with me. I still have to moderately defend myself against those white folk that said they understood our plight, trials and tribulations...judging by how I was treated by that cashier...they can’t understand. I’m on with that, so stop acting like you can. Frustration level on 50...this time...I was in a rush. That’s it.

[a-day-in-the-life-of-a-brotha]

5-8-21 Fixed and back to...”Normal?”

5:50 a.m. I’m at work, sitting in my car awaiting 5:55, so I can clock in and start my slavehouse day. My Dani is already at work, an abnormal day for her, I think her slavehouse is being audited today. I spent my off days with her, they were endearing and I miss her already. We have this thing...we share fragility, we share silence, we share happy, we share insanity. It’s comfortable. Of course I wanted to get some food to review when I picked her up from work...”Hey Dani”....”Hey Larry” *smooch*. “Let’s go get some Pizza from that spot you saw the other day”! I said, and per normal she’s with the shits!! We arrive at Pizza Di Joey...

Frustration #1 I’ve actually researched this spot a tad. Good reviews, good customer service...I’m moderately excited. The spot is in a refurbished warehouse that has several eatery’s in it...kind of like Eastern Market. Nonetheless we walk up, start looking at a menu, whilst the server is ignoring us ( I attempted several times to eye contact this punk to no avail). He stood there, lethargic, and uttered not one word. We stopped looking at the menu, stood in front of him and before I could fashion a vowel from my lips My Dani grabbed my wrist and said “Come on, Let’s go!” At our age we ultimately REFUSE to spend our money on horrible service. It’s important to be treated with dignity. We left...not even frustrated.

5-5-21-I know I’m going backwards but here’s the tea

Excitement is my vibration for the day. Why? Well a couple of things...first I’m in Baltimore with My Dani. I’m well rested, well fed, I feel good and her energy next to my pulsates at my frequency. I’m starting to like Baltimore, it reminds me of pre-gentrified D.C. in the 90’s...artwork everywhere, US everywhere, vendors...etc. This city still has soul. My city has pretentiousness about it, it’s dead (Not all parts, but the parts I grew up in). My other excitement has to do with this bakery I’m pressed to go to. The Sugar Vault. “Damn the pictures of the food looks delicious, I’ve got to go” I say in my head...when I first saw them. It’s a whole process getting these sweets...no cash, order online a day before at 12 on the dot, come there the next day, stand in line at 12, confirm who you are, stand in another line...Geesh!! But this is what’s making this place appealing to me...the rules...go figure. **Pause** for a fat dude break...I’m compelled to get snacks out of my plantations vending machines....Combos, Pop tarts and, a Mountain Dew...will do!! I know it’s not healing food. Damn!! Anyway, we leave Dani’s place and we go to mine. She meets my parental unit, my Ma. They embrace for a long while and we chilax until it’s time to go get those delectable sweets. I’m lil Larry with Dani at my home. Showing her all my toys, comics books, books, cars, a sword, coins. My home is my solace, my peace. I hope that she experienced it. We head out to the spot...we were early so we decided, well I decided to go to this Ethiopian restaurant Shagga. My sister recommended me to that spot because of their niceness. I obliged, and wasn’t disappointed...Dani experienced Ethiopian for the first time. The spot opens, we go and contrary to the reviews I read, service was on point. The quality and taste was off the chain, and I was fully satisfied. It was pricey but worth it. Dani liked it, but wouldn’t go back for the price. We dropped some off to Tam and my mother...they seemed to like it. That’s it.

5-7-21 Phlegm session and a Day off

6:00 a.m I get to work. Sometimes I have coughing up phlegm sessions in the morning, that are off the chain. It usually last 10-20 mins and then dissipates. So when I go into work on this day, I’m having a session. I work for an hour, and as soon as Omar comes in my stomach decided to convulse. I was told to go home...I sounded sick (and shit I feel weak and sick as of right now) so I took some sick time and left. It helped that the supervisor Dave wasn’t at work. So I left left, and felt better right after I left. I think that fermented sweet tea from Mc’crack helped my convulsions as well. I get home and unpack (from my weekend with Ms.Dani) and I start playing games...gladly...because I fixed the PlayStation!! I contacted my siblings “Hey y’all want to accompany me to go review some food?” They reply “YES!” I’m excited once again...not knowing where we were going eat. We chose to eat at this black owned pizza spot. Tam and Teresa’s food was just ok...Tam actually had to give the food she ordered back. The restaurant took it back and reduced our bill. Great service. My food was delicious. I talked to Dani and played video games until I passed out. That’s it.

[a-day-in-the-life-of-a-brotha]

5-3-21 PlayStation woes, and triggers.

This day started heavy minded. I had got in a slight riff, the day prior with my beloved Dani. A riff that required time for me to sat back and analyze. “Don’t sabotage this Larry” the voice in my head says. “Address it with her, calmly and concisely, she’s worth it” says the same voice (which sounds like ME by the way). She called, we talked ALL day and concluded some things that I will keep to myself. Nonetheless, we ain’t going anywhere from each other...choosing Love was the ultimate conclusion.

So anyway, my PlayStation had been on the fritz for about a week now. Let me explain...YES I’m 45, YES I still game!! My infamous question to youngins when they jone on me about being an old gamer is “Well...youngster...exactly when do you plan to STOP gaming?” That question is never answered. Gaming is important to me...it’s a release...it’s solace...it’s a part of my routine...it keeps me away from the evil my mind can brew up when it’s idle (it’s rarely ever idle). Right now I’m only rocking one game for real for real...Grand Theft Auto 5. I was an avid Call of Duty player, DC Universe player...and I was introduced to GTA 5. Now I played GTA San Andreas to death...so im familiar with the brand, but I got discouraged when I first tried 5 online...I got murked immejidly. Five months later (7 years ago) I gave 5 a shot again, figured out the system, and I’ve been playing since. I’m level 1010 or higher right now, and I’m legit...meaning I didn’t cheat to get to where I’m at...well as of late, my son showed me a couple “legal” glitches and I got a couple modded cars that I couldn’t pass up. Look I don’t watch TV, I watch movies at night, that usually end up watching me AND I got all my extras on the PlayStation...Netflix, Disney, HBO Max, YouTube. That gaming system is a part of my relaxation and escapism ( to be 100). For it to be down right now...sucks. Sure I’m a man that doesn’t encompass boredom often, I have TONS of hobbies and interest. But this one hurt. So at this point I’ve trouble shot the shit out of the PlayStation...to no avail.

4:00 p.m.-Frustration #1 - I’m reduced to calling GameStop just to see if they can aide me. “Hello this is (such and such) from GameStop, how can we help you” says such n such. “Yeah, my PlayStation stopped working, I’m getting this (blank blank) error message, now I’ve watched some YouTube videos on how to fix the problem, and I’ve followed them to a T, purchased a 32gb flash drive, went to PlayStation.com, formatted the drive, renamed it, download the reinstall package, pasted it to the flash drive, put the drive into my PlayStation...boop...same error message” I so eloquently said. “Is it starting in Safe mode” says he. Now I should’ve known there, that it made no sense to have them look at my PlayStation. Nonetheless they told me to bring it in, I rushed my errands to hurry up and get home, grabbed my PS4, and scurried on down to GameStop which is about 5 mins away whilst driving recklessly and fast. I sat outside to smoke a jack...just to calm down before I went in. I really hoped (see that’s why hoping in something may be bullshit) that they had an answer. I noticed a white lady and her mentally special son walking in GameStop. So I decided to cut that break short and get in there...HOPING there wasn’t a crowd. It was a crowd. The fat GameStop guy was there too...you know the one that looks at me as if I don’t know what I’m doing, the one that thinks I’m not a nerd like him. It’s my turn in line, I let the person behind me go ahead of me, because it wasn’t the fat guy on the phone whom I talked to. I waited for the other guy. After several attempts to hook my ps4 up to their tv, “Hmmm...looks like it’s not working” says he, “Ummm...it works, for sure” says me. The ps4 comes on, the error message comes up, I said “See”...the fat guy chimes in “Well you have to get a flash drive...”, I cut him off “ Yes I know” I ran down the process again. “Well you’re better off going to (said store) they are better at fixing broken ps4’s. “Hmmm...ok...will do, but this ps4 isn’t broken, it’s not a hardware problem, it’s a software issue (I love my play on words/verbiage), does that place deal with software issues?” “Oh, umm, yeah, they do.” “Ok gentlemen, thank you for your help”...yeah the help they didn’t have. I could’ve ran my errands I’m peace...and went on home. Although at the end of this nuance, I handled it well...it still didn’t negate that I was supremely frustrated.

4:45 p.m.-Paying attention to the Feds (Police) everywhere. Yes...this is a daily occurrence, if I see one, where’s he going? Is he coming near me? What lane is he in? What kind of police is it? Are they going to get behind me? Exude don’t fuck with me energy, are they driving fast or slow either could be detrimental to me...

5:00 p.m.-Home...I start my evening. I fall asleep early, I didn’t talk to Dani that night. Never again.

[a-day-in-the-life-of-a-brotha]

5-1-21 Bills and retro thoughts.

4:00 a.m.- I hit the snooze button up until 4:45...then I straight up turned it off and went back to sleep.

5:18 a.m.- “Shit, I’m late”...well at this point I might as well take my time. On this morning I don’t have to stop to get cigarettes, nor do I HAVE to stop to get two egg and cheese biscuits...but I will. My Dani love sent me a message to get up at 4:10, but it’s her day off and I expect her to be sleep...to no avail.

5:30 a.m.-out of the shower taking my sweet ass time. Dani calls “Hey babe” she says “Yo” is what I say. She can sense a sense of urgency with me so she asked “Are you still in the house?” “Yep I reply.” Short quick answers and a YO is not how I normally engage her. She was going to give me space to get ready, but I denied that.

5:45 a.m.- At McDonald’s, on the phone with Dani, and a car in front me in line (it’s never usually a car there because I’m usually in line before 5:30 a.m.. “Two biscuits, with round eggs and cheese...a larger sleight iced sweet tea, and a Big Breakfast.” Now that Big Breakfast is for Mr.D, my 87 year old shop supervisor. He’s a good man, and he literally built the place that drains the lifeblood out of us, makes millions via government contracts, and probably doesn’t pay Mr.D the wealth that he is due. I called Mr.D, with my Dani still in my ear, to let him know that I was going to be late. I pushed like shit to work...I have the strong ethic, moral, work code and I don’t like to be late. Although it’s a straight plantation I’m rushing to, and it’s a slave mind that drives me not to be late that I’m coherent to...I still don’t like to be late.

6:05 a.m. I’m 5 mins late. “Aww right now” says Mr. D (His signature greeting in the Morning, Afternoon, Night, when ya walk by him, when ya need something, when ya don’t need nothing etc). I hand him his food, complain about the night crew not doing anything, then I scurry off to smoke a jack and eat. That get me to thinking about a narcissistic experience I had last Thursday...

Frustration #1 -Level 1000. This is just one example of how my co-parenting has been with my children’s mother for almost 15 years. Bbbbrrriinnngg (phone ringing) “Hello” I said “Hello what’s up” she said. “Look, when are you being the children back, they have a dentist appointment tomorrow at 5” she spews. “Uhh tomorrow, I can bring them back tomorrow” says I. “Well, that will be pushing it”, she’s referring to how long it will take me to get to her home and the dentist office because I work Friday-Tuesday and I get off at 2:30p.m.. Now, it takes about 45-1 hr to get to her place...I could act make it up there and get them to the dentist on time, shit, before 5...bringing them back on Friday is viable for me. “Well bring them back Monday, I can schedule the appointment for 3p.m.” “I’m not going to make by 3pm”...Now if SHE truly thinks that making it up to her by 5pm is “pushing it” why in the fuck would think i could make it by 3?? Ahhh...here it comes, the narcissism...I see it plain as day now. Just to fuck with me she’s starting something. I also know now that this behavior is rooted in a perverted insecurity to control EVERYTHING!! “Why can’t you make it on Monday? You know I don’t have a car!! Uggh...I’ll just do it myself like I always do, bring them back Sunday!” “Umm ok”. Her not having a car is not my responsibility, why blame me for that? She doesn’t always do things on her own, hell I’ve been there since before day one helping raise our children!! I’m not a deadbeat, she’s not a single mother with no help, she’s a mother whose single!! I have ALWAYS went all out for my children, financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually...you know...the things o deserve no accolade for...just regular Dad duties. This used to get me upset. Now I know where this behavior comes from. She’s a narcissist with me in particular. Men come and go, and I assume she wonders why. She needs healing, so do/did I. The latter part of this conversation was unnecessary...

10:44 a.m.- I’m at work...it’s the moment of now...tbc...

2:30 p.m.-I leave the plantation, full of energy and angst to get to this bbq spot that my online Call of Duty playing, homies own. I’ve known them for about 14 years now. We’ve hung out several times, we know each other’s families, they respect me...even though...well...even though. I’m just not from their hood is all.

2:50 p.m.- I’m on the phone with my Dani, per normal...I miss her being physically next to me, but for now our myriad of conversations will do. She’s different, I felt it when I virtually met her...she’ll be here for the rest of my life and I to hers...I know it. Nonetheless I’m about to purchase a plate of food I don’t eat, I’m a vegetarian. “Babe, why are you about to buy something you don’t eat?” “Because I want do some a review on them” I say. “ I know, but you should go somewhere, where you can eat” she says. It does make perfect sense to me...but I’m stubborn and my big headedness is dead set on patronizing this black owned business, plus, I’m an official food reviewer. I go in and order, o already scoped out the menu and I knew what I wanted...to pretty much give away. A crab cake, seafood Mac, lamb chops, and collards is what I order...$55 bucks. “Damn” I say in my head...shit I might have said it aloud. Dani is ever so quite in the background, still attached to my ear (I got a dated Bluetooth in my ear, but it serves its purpose...those Bluetooth’s that only niggas that wear pink or lime colored gators have...Them Uncle Father ass niggas). As I’m ordering...I see the youngin that was a baby at one point in life, whose the child of a brother I use to game with. “Young Kage!!” I exclaimed. “Is that Stryker?” “Yep, it’s me, what’s good...is anybody else back there?” Now when I said anybody else, I meant the brothers that I gamed with for 14 years...but he said “Nah, ain’t nobody here, and B just left.” It still was good to see the establishment and how these cats made some from nothing. I get my expensive ass meal that I’m not going to eat and head home...I made a stop a Chipotle for me and then excitedly proceeded to my sisters spot, who lives in the same complex as I. Dani, my love, went to dinner herself with Ari her daughter...she already was hip to send me a review on whatever they got...she pays me attention...one aspect of why I love her so. Tam, Somaia, and Jahi...LOVE the meal. I look at them eating it and I truly wanted to indulge. But nah...let me stay disciplined with my vegetarian regiment.

8:00 p.m.-I’m home...chillin...waiting for Dani to call. I fall asleep with her on the phone. This day was less frustrating via my interaction with less people. I still am always aware of my surroundings, who I am, and how I’m looked at. The worlds course outlook on is, never fades or goes away.

[a-day-in-the-life-of-a-brotha]

4-27-21 The end of a 12 day shift

4:22 a.m. I woke up at 4 a.m. but I stayed laid down thinking about all the things I needed to do. Pack a bag (I’m going to spend the night with Dani...well nights) cut my hair, and, manicure myself. I also have to prepare myself for work. “Shit, what am I packing” I exclaimed to the still air. Sometimes it’s weird when nobody is there ie; my children my mother. Dani sent a text “Good Morning my Love”...Ditto.

5:21 a.m. I leave the house...too late to go to McDonald’s to get 2 round egg and cheese biscuits and a large sweet tea with a little bit of ice. But my addiction to cigarettes does lead me to 7-11 to get a pack, even though I’m running late for work.

Frustration #1 So the cashier that’s normally there, ain’t there, thank goodness, however it’s a new guy...not new but not the normal early shift guy. He’s slow, I’m late, and there are many amigos in line. “Newport 100 box brother”....quick exchange and we are done. So in this instance it’s truly not an outside frustration...it’s me that’s frustrated that I am compelled to go to this job, just to make money, so I can maintain food, shelter and clothing for my loved ones. I’m a slave, all of these things should be free. I’m getting under compensated and overpaying for living....yes...just for living.

5:50 a.m. Work. It’s Tuesday...my Friday. I’m exhausted already, pained to be at this workhouse/plantation, anticipating the days end (I’m going to meet Dani). As I walk up and get settled in my work station, the jones (talking shit) begins..”You on the phone?” says my short bus patron co-worker...I head nod to confirm his thought. He still finds a way to come over to me to draw my energy which sooo many people seem to do as of late. “You be proper as shit when you’re on the phone...then gangsta as shit when you get off”...says the man that just two weeks ago hurled words that would provoke me to smack him with the bricks I call my hands on the street...but we was at work, so it’s a bunch of bullshit he’s spewing. I laughed, “It’s true brother, I am proper on the phone with my lady!” What he doesn’t know is that when I’m relaxed, I’m proper, shit I’ve studied this language so much, I’ve mastered it...so I use it. You can only go as far as your thoughts take you...so if you have a limited vocabulary that’s how far you’re going. I know I know, it’s the white mans language, but I’m from here, and it’s the only language I’m well versed in. Espanol...un pocito!!

7:00 a.m. The arrival of Omar. My friend. We are almost 30 years in as friends. “What’s up big guy” he says...”What’s up O” says me. We are both strong headed men, and about the only two people at this job that are not afraid to lose it. That characteristic trait sets us apart from the sheep at this place that are scared to speak up for themselves, instead for some of them, we will speak up. Do me and O bump heads...hell yeah. But we’ve come to a point where we can gauge each other...and we now know when and how to stay away from each other, with no hard feelings. One time we were arguing at work, a dude came to try to calm us down, we simultaneously shut that nigga down...and retired outside to squash it. Work ensues...

12:00 p.m. After Lunch. I was called in the office. Ok I fudged some numbers on the diesel gas pump for the buses I service...a couple of buses mileage was off. Who cares right? The supervisor does...Dave. He’s an older white guy that is accustomed to talking to black men any way he wants. Not me though...our first run in was our last. “LARRY to the office” on the loud speaker he says. I go... and he starts to raise his voice as if I were a child.

Frustration #2 Although this instance didn’t happen on this day, I’m getting frustrated by merely thinking about it. When Dave gets to yelling (mind you this is the 2nd of two caucasian supervisors I’ve ever had, I’m 45) all I hear is the “Blah Blah Blah...aggression aggression aggression”...I meet aggression with aggression...I don’t fight fire fire with fire...I fight fire with water. “Dave, when you raise your voice at me, I can’t hear you, AND all I get is angry.” He quickly stopped, apologized and let me calmly know what the ailment was. Nonetheless on this day, I got called in the office, informed about the challenge and I said I would fix it. He went on this soliloquy as to how and why it needs to fixed. I’m smarter than him, but I get paid less...I already knew how to solve the problem. It gives me hives, listening to idiots...

2:30 p.m. The Anticipation of Dani. I’m off work...my anxiety is on 100...I’m not having a good day, but I’m going straight to Dani...I miss her, but I’m anxious about sex...we haven’t done that yet. I rush to her, she gets off at 2:45, but she’s 45 mins away in Baltimore, and I don’t want her to be waiting too long. “What’s up babe...how was your day” says she, whilst on the speakerphone in my car. I’m completely honest with her “I’m not having a good day.” Now I don’t want to not have a good day, shit I’m about to see her, my love, my buxom enchantress, but I must be real and honest...it’s the basis of our relationship. I get there.

3:30 p.m. Dani and the food reviewer “Big Schlim.” I arrive, a hug and kiss ensued, we are both exhausted but glad to be in each other’s presence. “How was your day Dani?” “It was ok” she said and then goes in on the length of her time at work and how she was amped to get out of there (anytime you feels this way about employment, it’s definitely slave work). Normally I already have a spot that I want to go review, today I didn’t. Soooo off to MyMammasVegan to get them delicious ass honey ol bay fried cauliflower bites. In the intern I’ll figure out what we will be eating. As we rode, my guard was let down, I don’t have to defend myself with her, she is a part of my solace. We got the bites, we went to the spot, we people watched and joned on folks...laughter and her...got me through. Let’s go home...

I forgot to mention Friends...how many of us have them. Malika...well..here’s the text I sent... Good Day Malika. I truly hope that you are in a harmonious space to receive and wholeheartedly digest this message. I’ll start by saying that I love you, and I am honored to truly call you and think of you as a real friend.

I’m sending this message to set up some boundaries for me, with you. I will no longer accept you yelling at me out of frustration. I will no longer accept you hanging up the phone abruptly out of frustration. As a long time friend I expect support for my endeavors. A like, a share, a comment on the new ventures I have, are simple but effective gestures to show support and cost nothing. I noticed, a while back, that the things I was posting on my IG pages were getting no support from you. That was truly disappointing. Even the IKEA post that you called me about wasn’t liked by you, and if you truly read it, you would’ve known what that “Pink Shit” was. That call you made to me also showed a complete disregard for my schedule. I’ve relayed to you several times that I work the early morning hours...and you seem to “forget” or you just simply don’t care. Also...for the last 4 years I’ve noticed a pattern amongst my “friends”....none of you know my children. Initially I was riddled with guilt behind this, thinking that was on ME to bring them around more often. But wait a minute...you know where I live, I’ve had the same number for years, at ANY time you could’ve called and came by to chill with them...do ANYTHING with them (pre Covid). They’ve received nothing from you...nothing....your occasional presence is free. They are almost 15 and if they see you on the street...they won’t know you...and that’s not on me. I sat back and waited to see what was going to happen...nothing. So Malika, I must set up some healthy boundaries with you, these behaviors for you hurt me, and I will no longer allow that to happen, especially to my children who don’t know you for real. Ian remaining your lifelong friend...period....I ask you to respect me in the aforementioned manner going forward, and this text is not meant for you to rebuttal, it’s for you to know, and for me to release. Thank you for being around for 30.

6:30’ish Home. Dani’s House. We finally arrived. This is where I end. Me and her at home are private...I just know that I’m meant to be with her...my wife.

[a-day-in-the-life-of-a-brotha]

4-26-21 My Father’s Birthday

4:00 a.m.- I started my day by hitting the snooze button on my phone, at least 3 times. I normally wake up at 4 a.m. via my job schedule starting at 6a.m. AND i like to meditate (breathe Larry breathe) AND I don’t like to rush with being on time to work. Immediately after my shower (s**t, shave, shower is my order) the phone rings...”What up babes” is how I answer...it’s Dani...my Love. I can’t say she’s my new Love (it’s only been a few weeks of knowing her), I’ve known her for thousands of years.

4:30 a.m.- Playful banter with Dani...”How’d you sleep?”, “Did you dream?”...sweet nothings, and affirmations spoken. We start our mornings with relaying two good things about our lives, before we talk about the complaints of life.

5:20 a.m.- I’m at 7-11. Dani is still on the phone, attached to my ears via the corded earphones I keep (them airpods I had stopped working).

Frustration #1; The early morning cashier. I get Newport 100 box EVERYDAY from the same 7-11, and usually the same cashier. Everyday I ask for “Newport 100 box please.” And everyday he ask “Which ones?” I repeat myself as he goes to stand where the jacks (cigarettes in DC vernacular) are and, points to the ones he thinks I want. “No...no...no...to the left...YES!” This occurs daily. I even went off one day saying “I come in here EVERY morning and I get the SAME thing!” To no avail....

6 a.m.-2:30 p.m.- Work. It was a normal day...hard work, manual labor, ignorant shop banter, 30 min lunch, fussing and cussing, lunch, work, chill, I’m off.

3:15 p.m.- I’m on the phone with Dani my Love, she got off of work around the same time. I’m at Game Stop because my beloved PlayStation 4 started in safe mode and I need a USB cord.

Frustration #2 The cashier. Hey look, I’m a big black guy with a big stomach soooo...yeah. This guy is wider than me, his fat is looser than mines, he’s smart...but the way he looks at me and the energy he emits (I’m wholeheartedly in tune with my energy and others) says “What in the fuck does this red, black, and green Kufi wearing, manual labor (I had my work/prison uniform on) working ass, want?” “He couldn’t possibly know anything about real gaming, he must be in here for his child.” Now he didn’t literally say this, those were my thoughts...I may have been wrong. After I spoke “Hello”...he stood there. I said “Hello” again, forcefully this time. He spoke back, calmed down, and answered my questions thoroughly. The service was cool in the end.

3:50 p.m.-5. Below. I need a flash drive. Game stop big man suggested 5Below. No frustrations here...cashier admitted that they didn’t know what a flash drive was...but walked me to the electronic section (which I already rifled through). I appreciate the honesty and at least she tried.

4:13 p.m.-After a medium (I never get mediums) fry and some funnel cake fries from Checkers, on the phone with Dani still, I was sitting in front of Staples after a suggestion from an older brotha to go there for a flash drive.

Frustration #3 The afternoon cashier. Sooo I find a flash drive, I asked a guy who had the stature of a manager. Got it...went to the cashier. “Hello” I said....no response, no eye contact. She turns around and talks to the other employee about needed IG pennies. “You know what...I’m never coming back to this store.” “Ok...I don’t care!” Was her reply. I frustratingly asked for the manager...said fuck it...and walked out. I contemplated going back in to get my money..:but I just left. On to the next store where I KNOW some frustration is.

4:45 p.m.-Safeway. Greenbelt. My (closest) Store. There is a white dude cashier, at self check out, that always watches me with piercing foul eyes.

Frustration #4 Self check out cashier. That one time an item didn’t scan an item and I realized it after looking at the screen, went to go scan the item and “You didn’t scan that item!” was blurted aggressively in my ear. “Nigga I know!” It’s been a problem with me and him ever since. He was there when I went to self check out today...I purposefully blocked his vision, so he couldn’t see what I was scanning. He’s a frail white guy with glasses...what you think a nerd would look like. I talked to myself aloud, making sure he herd me...”why in the FUCK does he always watch me...I ain’t never stole SHIT out of this store...I should though!” Dani is till in my ear. I left...that’s it.

5:10 p.m.-I’m home, in the parking lot, waiting, chilling before I go in per normal. Dani is in my ear and we are having the most jovial, nothing, conversation...Love...ya know. All of a sudden “Bitch, Fuck you Bitch!” was exclaimed in the distance. I jump out of the car...

Frustration #4 The woman beater. I see a man and woman in each other’s face arguing. Be pushes her...my adrenaline pumps hard. “Aye slim don’t you put your hands on her!” He backs away still defaming her name. He gets in his car rides off, comes back...defames her name more. For a minute he was looking at me...fussing. “You talking to me?” I exclaim. He wasn’t...judging by his eyes cowering.

5:35 p.m.- Home. Mr. Willie gave me some chips for my twins (whom weren’t home)...he left quickly when the argument ensued. I understood. I walked into my home...solace. That’s it.