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There used to be a "penisland.com" but I think Pen Island changed their URL.

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And you thought you got flack for the extra guacamole...

Let’s be real. His expense reports are widely known to be like this.

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Police detective trying to solve a murder who accidentally stumbles onto the victim's neighbour's secret - he's a vampire. Drinks blood, avoids the sun, the whole shebang. He didn't kill her though. So while that's life changing information and whatever it does not help his case one bit

Vampire didn't even know her that well. He caught her cat once when the thing got out and brought him back after sundown. She gave him a cobbler, which he said was very bad, but not the sort of thing you'd do a murder over. "That's not funny," says the cop. "A woman is dead."

And the vampire is like, "Well, I implied that killing her was wrong."

The cop gives up with the vampire. Finds out a lady this woman worked with is like, a witch, or does magic or some shit. Real magic. Cool. She didn't kill her either though. Jesus Christ.

This cop finding an entire magical society and being utterly humourless and annoyed about the entire thing because it's not even helping his CASE

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I should do an image description, sorry!

[ID: A four-panel comic, featuring 'people' who are ovals with faces made of two dots and a line.

Panel 1: On a blue background, a large group of grey people says "you do not fit in here" to three pink people.

Panel 2: The pink people, now in a yellow square, say "okay we will make our own place".

Panel 3: The grey people say "why are you excluding us" and the pink people say "oh no".

Panel 4: The grey people are crowded into the square, completely obscuring the yellow and forcing the pink people down into one corner. They say "you do not fit in here".

/end ID]

god keep ur fucking kink meme shit out of ao3 tag y'all make this fandom even more insufferable than it already is and thats saying something!!! The kind of shit y'all post require a fucking trigger warning it doesnt belong in a safe space

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And also it meant you could watch something else while the rewinder did its thing.

REBLOG if you are old enough to remember what a VCR is.

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First ape to go to the watering hole with a container and put some of the water in it so that they could drink more later without returning to the watering hole must have been lauded as a fucking genius.

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Every time I see the "AO3 needs to [change in a way that meets my standards, which are Clearly The Only Correct Standards]" argument, I think of this:

god keep ur fucking kink meme shit out of ao3 tag y'all make this fandom even more insufferable than it already is and thats saying something!!! The kind of shit y'all post require a fucking trigger warning it doesnt belong in a safe space

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I think I know what this means and I hope to God I'm wrong.

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the least realistic thing about star trek is that starfleet uniforms don’t have pockets and nobody complains about it

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Non-stick spray cooking

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so true

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Women in Shakespeare

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Spin this wheel first and then this wheel second to generate the title of a YA fantasy novel!

(If the second wheel lands on an option ending with a plus sign, spin it again)

Share what you got!

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"For we each of us deserve everything, every luxury that was ever piled in the tombs of the dead kings, and we each of us deserve nothing, not a mouthful of bread in hunger. Have we not eaten while another starved? Will you punish us for that? Will you reward us for the virtue of starving while others ate? No man earns punishment, no man earns reward. Free your mind of the idea of deserving, the idea of earning, and you will begin to be able to think."

“If I had time travel I’d kill Hitler” “If I had time travel I’d stop my favourite politician getting assassinated” you’re all thinking way too small. If I had time travel I’d stop Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin from dying on the moon due to Soviet sabotage, kicking off the Great Nuclear War and devastating half of the planet.

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Apparently there's only one species of frog that actually says "ribbit".

Weird when you first start paying attention to animal noises and realize they don't actually sound like the words we use

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im going to post old cat images now

ceiling cat

monorail cat

long cat

the OG can i haz cheezburger cat

the lesser known graphix cat

invisible bike cat

my planet needs me cat

cat with the gat