abalonemacaroni

[abalonemacaroni]

remember when captain america said he wasn't dating because "it's kinda hard to find someone with shared life experience" and then later in the movie they revived his best friend and silly rabbit and right hand man and the only person that could hope to understand his specific set of circumstances and then they walked the earth together as two men out of time soul-tied by fate and loyalty and blistering unwavering devotion. and that wasnt meant to mean anything

[abalonemacaroni]

[abalonemacaroni]

can axolotls survive in a gallon bucket of sprite

Yeah they can but you really shouldn't.

[abalonemacaroni]

does the 69 button have a name or are we all calling it the 69 button.

[abalonemacaroni]

That Time a Published Author Told Me to Un-Queer My Novel

So, I don't think I ever shared this story on Tumblr before.

As you may know I've spent the past ten years turning my old Welcome to Night Vale fanfic into a stand alone novel called Echo of the Larkspur. Now, I haven't been working on it ten years straight. I'd pick it up, do a bunch of editing and rewriting, submit it to agents/publishers, get turned down, put the book away, wait 2-3 years, dust off the book, re-edit and rewrite, etc etc. A cycle that repeated itself far too many times that I would like.

Well, during one of these cycles when I was in the 'get rejected by every agent and publisher I submit to' stage I asked the writing group I was in what I was doing wrong. Because at this point I had reached a hundred total rejections and I was starting to suspect that the issue was with me.

One of the members of this writing group, a male author who was traditionally published, offered to read my first chapter and give his advice on how to fix it. This was, in retrospect, a mistake. But I was desperate. I sent him the first chapter and waited for his response.

Folks. The email he sent me changed my life.

First he said that agents wouldn't publish my novel because it was Sci-fi with hardcore gay erotica in it. This is curious because while the book certainly is queer, at no point in the conversation with this man did I say it was hardcore erotica. Nor did the first chapter feature any. It's almost as if he assumed that just because something was gay, it had to be hardcore erotica. Interesting.

He went on to say that a Human/Robot pairing was weird and that there was "No Way" my story could seriously address the issues of a relationship like that. Once again, he only read the first chapter. He just...assumed I wouldn't think of that? And that my book wouldn't cover it?

The author then said “I also felt that the LGBTQ inclusion really seems to cloud things.” Direct Quote.

And then this is when he said my favorite quote of them all:

The idea of a book being a sci-fi with romance AND a mystery is a Modern Art Marzipan Owl. It's just too confusing! No one can handle a story that is a mystery in a sci-fi enviroment AND has a romantic subplot! THEIR BRAINS WOULD LITERALLY EXPLODE!

Thankfully he had a solution to my book problem. His answer? Turn the book into an Action Spy Thriller and turn S.A.G.E., a robot that identies as a gay man, into a sexy lady robot who needs a MAN to teach her what it means to be human.

(I assume the male lead will teach the 'confused' female robot how to be human via his penis.)

Now my favorite part about this advice is that at no point did he outright say "Remove the gay part". No, instead he sneakily changed the robot love interest into a female robot as if I wouldn't notice. Just sort of swept away the gay bits as something totally unneeded and just mucking up the narrative. Also that's not the plot of my story, I have no idea where this virus thing came from.

(Also note that the female robot can't be robotic-like at all. Must preserve the average straight-man sex drive at all costs I guess)

He then finished his email basically saying that I should remove everything that 'traditional publishers' don't like (aka the queer parts) and make it easier for 'your average reader' to digest and my book will be good as published!

When I said this email changed my life I meant it. Because it made me realize I'd rather be self published and unknown than traditionally publish milquetoast trash like he suggested. Like holy fuck. If I removed all of the "Difficult" to digest stories out of Echo of the Larkspur then there wouldn't be a book left!

So here I am. Self publishing my Marzipan Modern Art Owl of a book. I know it'll never see the inside of a bookstore or top the charts on Goodreads but hey, I'd rather it speak to one person than have a thousand people get excited for the part where the male lead teaches the lady robot how to be human (via his penis).

If a Queer Sci-fi/Romance/Mystery novel sounds like your jam then consider preordering it!

Looking for something to read now? Can't afford the book? Willing to read in exchange for an honest review? You can join my ARC book readers here!

[abalonemacaroni]

The cure to anxiety is completing all the tasks you have to finish for the day early and doing them phenomenally and being physically perfect and on everyone’s good side preferably even their favorite.

[abalonemacaroni]

i made stan get blinded by the whole community

(please credit if you use for whatever <3)

[abalonemacaroni]

untitled (tight squeeze), 2024

18 x 19 x 23 inches

just realized i never posted this piece here?? i made this in an intro to sculpture class that i took during my last semester of college and its something im really really proud of, i learned how to weld for it!

[abalonemacaroni]

they’re doing “is shaving feminist” discourse on twitter right now and we all know my thoughts on it. no need to do this again. but i will say. if our most “progressive/leftist feminist” women cannot wrap their heads around the concept of shaving being a tool of the patriarchy aimed to control women’s bodies that we should be ultimately working to discard. then maybe we should all just line up and sh**t ourselves. maybe there’s no hope for women after all.

[abalonemacaroni]

Your regular reminder that trickle-down economics is a cruel joke designed by the wealthy.

[abalonemacaroni]

I don't know. Some people hate this, James. I don't know what it is, but they fuckin' hate it. There's people that wanna kill me, James.

- The Driving Crooner

[abalonemacaroni]

[abalonemacaroni]

recently my elderly shattered-up phone started letting me charge it to 107% which I've been using to get let's just say a little bit extra out of it on long days

[abalonemacaroni]

huge shout out to this little kid for writing my favorite poem

[abalonemacaroni]

chicago pope tweets

[abalonemacaroni]

Not enough people talking about tzatziki