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[abbie-writes-stuff]

epiphany//euphoria - iv

Word Count: 1k

Week 11

You said you were more than unrequited love

Pain. Searing, throbbing pain. 

Her lungs wreathed in sharp, sporadic jabs. Every time she took a breath, her chest fought back with guns blazing.

(Y/N) clung onto her shirt as tears cascaded sideways into the pillow. It was a miserable, miserable sight. She doesn’t even recognize herself anymore. (Y/N) was just a shell. She was just unrequited love--the last thing she wanted to be. 

She used to be so much more. She used to be a determined ball of energy. The girl who saw the best in everyone. The girl who was willing to fail a dozen times and get up again. She used to be everything she wants to be now.

Stop pitying yourself, she seethes. You can’t want something and do nothing to get it.

Her coughs eventually died down into small, labored pants. A wave of exhaustion knocked her over the head, but she was far too gone to have fallen asleep.

Was she resentful of her condition? No. Not anymore. It’s gone on long enough for her to let it go.

(Y/N) stares limply at her cold, numb fingers as she contemplates what to do next. She skipped school today in fear of a horrible coughing episode and like her instincts had said, it happened. No doubt someone will come to check up on her the minute school ends. 

Scrambling her hand across her bedside desk for her camera, she snatches the small device and held it up, scrolling through the many photos she has taken.

There are ones of her friends laughing and chatting away, delicate ones of Shouto, and pictures of bright, sunny days. Coffee by the rain, cloudy days, rainy roads--everything was captured on that camera. There was such a diversity in the small frames and yet they were all taken with love. Taken with life. Taken with unconditional care.

With a thought as gentle as that, a deep sigh escapes her icy lips.

Maybe it was better this way.

Maybe it was a lesson to be learned.

A quiet knock against her door snapper her out of her thoughts as panic starts to build in her stomach despite knowing that it would happen sooner or later.

Shuffling out of bed, she gives an okay for the person to come in.

Ochako’s bright, rosy eyes peek around the door before quietly closing the door with a muffled slam.

“How have you been feeling?”

“Horrible.”

There was no point in lying about it anymore. Every inch of her was sensitive to sound and touch while her head and chest never stopped firing bullets in every corner that was available. 

“I just want to eat and cry,” she replies sarcastically, garnering a small chuckle from her friend who joined her on the bed.

It stayed silent like that for a while. (Y/N)’s labored breaths became relaxed as her mood started to lighten along with it.

“Maybe you’re right,” she started hesitantly, a tinge of repentance in her quiet voice. “Maybe I should get the surgery.”

Ochaco chokes on her own spit. She was beyond ecstatic but the sudden change of attitude alarmed her. (Y/N) isn’t losing her mind, is she? 

“I don’t know. I’m going to wait a few more weeks, see what happens, you know?”

Ochaco gives her the most deadpan look she could muster, a hint of friendly annoyance ever-present in her brilliant brown eyes. No response, but one wasn’t necessary. (Y/N) already knew what she was thinking.

It’s a step in the right direction. 

⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋

It all happened so quickly, no one knew how to respond.

She was supposed to be okay.

She was supposed to be okay.

Instead, flickers of astounding red lights emitted from ambulance cars shone into the darkest crevices of the night. 

She was supposed to be okay

She waited too long.

Long enough for her to drown.

Long enough for everything to fall apart. 

The U.A Dorms were flooded with confusion as teachers and officials ran about, doing their best to calm the calamity.

Where is (Y/N)? 

Shouto glanced around frantically, looking for the lost girl with a deep pit residing in his stomach. Everything was wrong. 

Then it hit him like a freight train without breaks. 

She was why the ambulance was here. And he wasn’t there to help her.

“(Y/N)...” he mustered out ever so weakly you’d think his lungs were collapsing. It felt like they were. It felt like the oxygen was ripped from his chest and it was caving in on itself. 

He could barely make out the defeated figure of Ochako who’s sobs fell into deaf ears as he took slow steps towards the entrance of the doors. Everything else around him was a silent blur the moment realization struck him.

Did he know why she was in the ambulance? No. Not with her secretive walls that were built a while ago.

That didn’t matter to him now.

Nothing did.

All he could think about was how he wasn’t there for her.

She was deteriorating.

Rotting away.

And he didn’t do anything.

The poor girl.

How long has she been waiting?

Who cares?

(Y/N) is hurt. More than hurt. 

She must be so scared right now.

.

.

.

She’s not the only one who’s so scared right now.

⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋

The students were told that (Y/N) has fallen ill and is in a desperate state. Shouto was told that he cannot visit her until she’s stable. They refused to tell him what ‘stable’ meant.

The thundering tic-tok on his clock nearly drove him mad as he paces back and forth in his room frantically late at night. He knew that he was not the only one awake. The entire class may as well be. 

His fingers were cold to the touch despite the fiery heat on his left side. He made sure not to alight something by mistake. 

Everything rang inside Shouto’s head like a frag-grenade. Questions, panic, fear, ran about like a lioness in her den. It was relentless and hungry. 

The ticking became louder as the silence started screaming at him and the thought of his best friend in a hospital bed clinging onto dear-life and— 

He broke.

He sank down, down onto the mat floor of his room.

There was no more screaming. No more ticking. Just a bout of quiet wails.

Finally, Shouto Todoroki broke.

And (Y/N)?

Poor, poor (Y/N).

tag list:  @silentwhispofhope​, stupid-gracie, slutlanna976, julimelodi, itsjustgoobi, a-single-bun, katsukisprincess, theamazinghana, domtamaki, teerama, myminmango, justanothermarvelfan

[abbie-writes-stuff]

came across your blog AND I LOVE IT! you're an amazing writer and i'm definitely here for whatever else you wanna share with everyone at your own time! epiphany is SO good too, can you add me to the tag list, PLEASE?? 💛💛💛

Ahahaha thank you sm! I can add you to the taglist but I don’t have a username to add lmao 

[abbie-writes-stuff]

epiphany//euphoria - iii

@silentwhispofhope​, stupid-gracie, slutlanna976, julimelodi, itsjustgoobi, a-single-bun, katsukisprincess, theamazinghana, domtamaki, teerama

Word Count: 1k

Week 5

You said the flowers you bloomed were beautiful. 

On a sunny, Friday morning, Mina proposed a trip to the mall with the entirety of class A.

Originally, (Y/N) didn’t want to go. She wanted to stay at home, isolated, but when that idea of warm sunshine and laughter flickered across her mind, she couldn’t refuse. In an attempt to grasp that small beam of normality again, she agreed only an hour after Mina suggested the small getaway.

It was now a soft, summer morning. The (H/C) haired girl was currently sitting on the couch in the main lounge of the U.A dorms besides Bakugou (who was forced to go) and Kirishima while waiting for the others to join. 

Minutes ticked by as the class slowly flooded into the common area in groups until the entirety of Class A were together. 

(Y/N) clung to Ochaco as they headed for the district shopping mall, making extra sure to stay as far away from Shouto as she possibly could. 

“What are you planning to buy today?” (Y/N) asked Ochaco hastily, trying to appear casual despite it being evident she was avoiding the dual-haired boy. 

“I don’t really plan on buying anything,” commented Ochaco. “Unless I see something I like, of course!”

(Y/N) nodded distantly, trying to muster up an encouraging smile. 

Only a month ago, she wouldn’t have to pretend to be so…

Blinking away those riveting thoughts, she stares at the concrete pavement she was walking on.

I’m going to be happy today. 

I’m going to have fun.

⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋

“Let’s go to the food court,” suggested Shouto.

The class had split up into their own little groups the moment they had arrived at the mall and for a while, (Y/N) had stuck with Tsu and Ochaco. That is, until she lost them. And just her luck, the one who had found her was none other than the man of the hour, Todoroki Shouto.

“I’m not that hungry though,” she retorts lightly.

Shouto casts her a sideways look, arching an eyebrow.

“I haven’t seen you eat in the past week, (Y/N).” The (H/C) haired girl held her breath. “Don’t tell me you’re dieting.”

(Y/N) paused for a moment, a bit shocked that he didn’t realize her faltering health, but a bit pleased he didn’t. The less he knows, the better it’ll be for both of them.

“No, idiot,” she retorted teasingly. “If you’re really that deadset, let’s go get pretzels.”

Without waiting for a reply, she sped ahead giddily, enjoying the temporary bliss.

Skipping along the pretzel stand and ordering two, she hands Shouto one and contently chomps down, relishing the flavor. She hasn’t eaten properly in such a long time, it seemed like heaven despite it being merely a soft pretzel. It wasn’t big, but it was the first time in weeks (Y/N) was at peace.

At peace with others.

At peace with herself.

“Any stores you really want to go to?” asks Shouto beside her. 

“Ah, actually, yeah. I want to go look at some room decors, it’s gotten a bit bland in there.” 

It’s gotten scary in there.

“Are you looking for a full redecoration?” asks Shouto as they leisurely make their way to the store. 

Shaking her head no, she looks around the open mall. Kids were running about as parents tailed them with soft, loving smiles. Couples scattered across the mall, hand in hand as they lean into each other. 

There was so much love around (Y/N), yet she couldn’t feel any of it. She wanted to, and for a moment she did, but when she thought back to the boy walking beside her, her mood dampened. 

(H/C) locks fell across her face, hiding her away from him as she became shy again. She could feel the flowers pushing up, but only so softly. Soft enough for her to resist. It was like they pitied her. 

She didn’t want to be pitied.

The two walked into the large store mindlessly, looking around for things they probably won’t buy.

A few minutes passed of blank walking before (Y/N) saw something in the corner of her eyes.

“Shouto, look at his!” 

(Y/N) beamed at the small, vintage camera. The brand was obviously high-tech but the appearance was old and familiar. It looked simple, homey, something that the girl had longed for quite a while. 

The dual-haired boy stands beside her quaintly, observing the age-old camera she held in her hands.

“Isn’t that a bit too old?”

“Are you kidding?” she reels back jokingly. “Look at the brand! Of course it’s not old, it just looks that way. Which, by the way, is exactly why I want it.”

Shouto stares at her blankly, a pondering look passing through his heterochromatic hues before nodding.

“Whatever makes you happy.”

Grinning like a baby, (Y/N) rushes to the counter, forgetting about her room decorations. She didn’t need to spend so much money on a new room, not when she has a new gadget. It was simple but she liked that. All the memories she could save…

She’ll capture the fleeting happiness in the pictures she’ll take. She’ll hold onto them. And she’ll love them.

⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋

Click

The shutter went off as the group stared at the girl behind the camera. They had all gathered back together for dinner and as they ate and chat freely, (Y/N) thought it was a good moment to take a picture, and a good moment it was.

The picture had everyone in the photo, their faces light and happy. The vibe was soft and nostalgic, a sort of contemptuous resonating within the small frame.

(Y/N) smiled fondly at the camera, pride swelling within her. The whole day, the lilies never came up. Maybe she jinxed it and the next second she’ll be doubling over in pain, but right now, she’s happy. 

“Eat,” Shouto said sternly as he pushes the plate of pasta (Y/N) had ordered towards her.

Chuckling in fear, she nods before picking up her fork.

He acts like a mother, she thinks playfully.

“So I take it you’re liking that camera?” Ochako asks from beside her, chomping on her pepperoni pizza.

Nodding gleefully, she tucks it back into her bag as she resumed eating.

Looking around, a small sense of pride swelled up in the (H/C) haired girl. 

Peace.

It’s something she hasn’t felt in a long while and just for a while, she hopes that it’ll stay.

decided to give everyone a break from all the angst haha

taglist: @silentwhispofhope​, stupid-gracie, slutlanna976, julimelodi, itsjustgoobi, a-single-bun, katsukisprincess, theamazinghana, domtamaki, teerama

[abbie-writes-stuff]

could you pretty please add me to the epiphany/ euphoria tag list 🥺🥺

yep, of course!

[abbie-writes-stuff]

You might’ve already been asked this but is Epiphany/Euphoria based off of Bts songs or am I reading into it too much?

OH BOY AM I SO GLAD YOU ASKED

only partially

The story isn’t based off the songs, only the title is. The actual hanahaki series was requested by a lot of people, the plot was something I came up with at 2:00 am at night, the title is derived from BTS though. The songs do have meaning to the story, but not heavily

[abbie-writes-stuff]

Do you have a masterlist?

Not yet, but I can make one if y’all want!

[abbie-writes-stuff]

could i possibly be added to the epiphany//euphoria taglist ;-; that shit HURTED

yeah of course! AND IM SO SORRY AHAHAHA

[abbie-writes-stuff]

What’s a taglist if you don’t mind me asking

A taglist is basically an area where authors tag or “@” people so that they get notified of a new part/story the minute they’re posted! 

[abbie-writes-stuff]

Hello! Stopping by and just letting you how much of a phenomenal writer you are. I’ve shed tears over epiphany//euphoria and I’m in love with the series! Please tag me in all your future work 💕💕💕💕

AAAA thank you so much! I didn’t think people would cry over it but it touches me that you enjoy my writing! Ofc I’ll add ya to the tag list, and thanks for taking the time to read epiphany//euphoria!

[abbie-writes-stuff]

Hey I was wondering if you are doing a part 3 too epiphany/europha, if I could be tagged in it? It's so so so good like omg

Heyo! epiphany//euphoria is a series so it’s gonna have a complete ending that’ll be around 6-7 chapters I think? And of course I’ll add you to the taglist, I’m so glad you’re enjoying it !!!

[abbie-writes-stuff]

do you mind us asking, what does the title “epiphany//euphoria” mean?

ahhhh, you’ll find out :>>>> (if you have theories tho plz do send them in)

[abbie-writes-stuff]

Your epiphany/euphoria story is so heart shaking ahh!! Will it be continued? (And is there a possible happy ending?)

Yeppp, it’ll be continued! As for the happy ending, wellllllll, you’ll see ;))))

[abbie-writes-stuff]

Could I be added to the epiphany//euphoria tag list please?? It’s so good! Heart wrenching, but good 💜

of course! And thank you so much!!! 

[abbie-writes-stuff]

Me when I read epiphany//euphoria: immediately follows and turns on notifications

oml y’all are so sweet im-

[abbie-writes-stuff]

epiphany//euphoria is sooooooooooo good!!!!

aaaa, thank you so much! lmao

im so sorry for every soul ive crushed so far :,))

[abbie-writes-stuff]

K so I just found your blog through a blog recommendation post and 🥺 your writings are so good!! I’ve only read a few pieces, but I love how you’re able to make a story flow and not be cheesy. I especially like the most recent shouts story you posted! Much love 💕

awww, thank you so much anni! 

with school hitting me like a dump truck i haven’t been at one hundred percent but i’m glad you guys still enjoy my writing!!!

[abbie-writes-stuff]

epiphany//euphoria - ii

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: suicidal thoughts

You refused to get surgery because you didn’t want to forget him.

Week 4

It was just supposed to be a simple training session. It wasn’t supposed to happen. The moment (Y/N)’s body collided into Shouto’s, a pounding headache erupted and those deadly lilies fought their way up again.

She collapsed into his worried arms with her hand cupped around her mouth while the other clutched at the fabric of her shirt so tightly, her knuckles turned a pearly white. She couldn’t hear the worried cries of her name.

When she was yanked from Shouto’s arms and pulled into the distressed hugs of Uraraka and Tsu, her lungs wreathed in a burning sensation. She wanted to strangle it away. She was choking on her own tears and flowers as the two quickly helped carry her to the nurse before any of the white petals could fall. 

Everything seemed like such a blur. A blur of faces. A blur of time. A blur of emotions. She could hear her blood rushing and heart pumping but she didn’t know how to stop it. Could she even?

It seemed like an eternity passed when the three walked into the empty room as (Y/N) collapsed onto the floor in a puddle of tears and lilies. Recovery Girl barely had time to react. 

The small woman quickly huddled to her side to pat the girl on her back ever so gently as (Y/N) continued to choke.

She was boiling, her heart ablaze and thoughts astray. She was drowning, screaming for help.

When the storm was finally over, all the broken girl could do was collide her head against the floor and wail. Tears poured out like river streams and the wrenching pain in her heart spread to her stomach.

It’s not fair, she wanted to scream. It’s not fair. 

“Sweetie,” came the raspy yet tender voice of Recovery Girl. “Have you not been to the hospital yet?” 

“She hasn’t,” Ochaco replied for the girl hastily, her trembling voice laced with worry.

“I only found out about her condition yesterday,” whispered Tsu, who (Y/N) forgot was even there.

The nursery room was a heavy kind of quiet. The only source of sound was the heavy, shaky breathing that fell from (Y/N)’s dry lips.

As if a switch was flipped within the fearful girl, her tears stopped flowing. Her sadness subsided. What replaced it was the bitter sting of numbness and unfeeling as she continued to press her forehead against the frigid floor, her empty (E/C) eyes still in movement and emotions.

It hit like a wave. The reality of the situation settled into the deepest, most vulnerable crevice of her mind. She couldn’t find the tears to cry anymore. She couldn’t feel anything. She couldn’t find a purpose anymore.

“(Y/N), why can’t you just get the surgery and get this over with? You’ll be happy again!” blurted her brunette friend, shattering the agonizing silence. 

A second ticked by.

Then another. And another. And another, until the girl finally spoke.

Raising her head gently and slowly, her tear-filled eyes glimmered ever so slightly. She gave Ochaco and Tsu a small, meaningful smile. Truth be told, they haven’t seen that smile in a while.

“I can’t,” her timid voice broke. “I won’t. I don’t want to forget him.”

They said nothing after that.

Recovery excused her from the next two periods. (Y/N) waved her friends goodbye before sitting on the nursery bed, fatigue stinging her bones.

It was a sunny day. Birds were chirping. The sun was shining. Leaves rustled a soft melody as flowers bloomed into beauty. (Y/N) wished she could enjoy that. She wished that she could take pleasure in those small things again. She wished she could be enough. She wished she wouldn’t burden her friends.

So many wishes, and yet none of them are ever granted.

⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋

All eyes turned on her when she stepped into the cafeteria. No surprise that news of the incident at training sparked conversations within Class A and the event traveled like wildfire within the small group of students.

(Y/N) ignored it all. She simply took her food with frigid hands and unfeeling hues as she slowly tread her way to her table— the same table Shouto sat at.

Taking her seat next to Ochaco, she avoided eye contact with the boy. She knew that a single look at him was all it took for her to burst again. 

Lunch went by with an awkward tone. Though Midoriya and Iida tried to break the silence by striking up conversation topics, they quickly died out before they were left in quiet once more. 

A heavy stone laid on (Y/N)’s broken heart as she poked her food in displeasure and pain. She wanted to hide away, to just disappear, but she couldn’t. This was reality, not the small fantasy in her head where as long as she’ll work hard, she’ll make it. Because she has worked hard, but nothing. All she got was a sickness and an aching soul. 

“(Y/N), are you not hungry?”

The stoic voice startled the fragile girl as she looked up haltingly.

“Not really…” she played off quietly.

He didn’t reply after that. Shouto stared at her with a bothered gaze before going back to his lunch.

The group didn’t know what to say, either. It was the first time (Y/N) has spoken since she sat down. She didn’t have that chirp in her voice. She didn’t have the bubbly energy. She didn’t have anything.

⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋⇋

Tears. They just kept flowing.

It was currently 2:00 AM and (Y/N)’s mind is restless. Thoughts kept nipping at her and she couldn’t shut her eyes for a single second. She just clung to her pillow like a lifeline as if it would stop the pain.

With a pounding headache that didn’t seem to fade, she smacked a hand against her forehead in an attempt to fight fire with fire. Obviously, it didn’t work, as a thousand speakers blared within her skull.

For a moment, she wondered if she should call Ochako. She wondered if it would be okay to wake her up at such a time at night just because she couldn’t control a headache. As fast as that idea came, as fast as it went.

It was bad that she was handling all these things by herself. It was dumb. It was reckless. But what is there to do? That hopeless pit in her stomach seemed to have found a home and (Y/N) couldn’t bear to tear that home down, even if it’s hurting her. 

So she wept. She couldn’t remember the last time she had a peaceful night's sleep. And where was that fire that kept her going? It was extinguished a while ago. 

(Y/N) curled into a tight ball on her bed with disdain. The sting in her lungs and ache in her head kept her from falling asleep. 

What if it had turned out different?

What if he had fallen in love with her?

Maybe then, everything would be different. Everything would be brighter. She’d still have that fire.

Maybe I’m not enough.

I never will be.

Tearing out a tissue from beside her, she wiped away her tears and tried to clear her stuffy nose to the best of her ability. Frigid hands threw the tissue into the trash can beside her as she flopped back down onto the bed again.

Her forearm covering her eyes, a sigh escaped her chapped lips.

All of a sudden, (Y/N) couldn’t find the energy to cry anymore. Was it even worth it all in the end? There are no happy endings. It was either the love of her life becomes a stranger with name, or she dies.

Death seemed like such a pleasant option. There were no expectations, no pressure, no pain. It was the peace and silence she has been reaching out for.

It truly hurt. It hurt physically and mentally, and she isn’t trying to be a fighter.

But even then, just once, she wants to be selfish. She doesn’t want to forget the man who made her happy. She doesn’t want to forget the man that made her into a better person.

It hurt, but in the best way possible.

Taglist--

@silentwhispofhope​