abominationvault

[abominationvault]

Session 82: Sat 12 Jul 2025

It’s fuckin hot. Utah and the UK. Luckily for me I have air con…

You guys we killed a dragon! An adult one too, proper like, none of your baby dragon bullshit. We were divvying up the spoils at the end of the last session. I have made a note that Nadia wants a Ghost Touch Rune, something that will cost her 75gp when we go back to town.

Jorg’ath has a new name for himself to replace Skabb’s nonsense: The Gozzfather. Approval all around.

I’m in charge of Sprocket for a minute so he goes fuckin' mental with his scalpel and stabs us all to wellness. Then we wander around looking for urdefhan, lenses, birds, and undead gnomes. Off we go!

Well, we rest first, so the others can get spell slots back and Nadia can make some glue bullets and redpitch bombs. Skabb assists with the glue bullets, as Nadia only rolled an 18 which is juuuuust a fail. Her help turns the roll into a success! Skabb proceeds to make some potions as well. The DM shows us her cauldron:

Hartvig refocuses to get his focus points back by writing some edgy poetry in a dark corner.

Luna and Sprocket arrive just as we’re ready to set off; Sprocket has some preparations to do as part of our rest. Luna has some spell storing arrows, so the mages discuss what would be the best thing to give her. Hartvig does her a Vampiric Touch, and Skabb offers Sudden Bolt and Worm’s Repast. The DM takes Sprocket and Augustus away from Nadia, and puts Nadia herself back on the map as I deleted her by accident.

Okay really off we go this time! … After a long discussion about Augie, everyone’s favourite pet ghoul. The DM has come up with several creative ways of offing him, all of which we protest vigorously.

The urdefhan are south west of us, we are told. Jorg’ath, incredulous: “… Are you making us walk??”

He is, so we sneak and check for threats and bad mushrooms as we go. We find some urdefhan in a handy dandy little funnel of death! There are a shit ton of them, and a big red boy as well. One of the demons from earlier in this room, like Delulu’s summoned guardians. Custard demon, that’s the one.

Luna does a recall knowledge on the urdefhan, as it’s too far back in my notes and I would be searching forever. She sneaks up to use Jorg’ath as some kind of crocodilian shield, and takes a peek. urdefhan are violent warmongers, occultists and poisoners. They were created to be agents of the end times. They want to kill things in as gory and painful a way as they can think of. They are humanoids, and have transparent skin. We’ve met them before; they are straight-up wrong’uns. They have Greater Darkvision; if we can see them, they can definitely see us. Immune to death effects, disease, and fear, immune to negative and weak to positive damage. These are the things that emit a foul damage dealing gas upon death. Delightful!

Before we go into a fight, Skabb want to look further south and check they haven’t got another exit. She doesn’t want them to surround us. Sprocket wants to know how far someone could throw him; Jorgy reckons he could get him pretty far.

Sprocket has an idea. He wants Nadia to tie him to a crossbow bolt and fire him at the demon; DM permitting, she’s game to give it a try. He suggests all this in his Danny Glover voice.

Nadia ties Sprocket to the crossbow bolt and takes aim. 23 just hits the demon! He turns into a gelatinous cube: “Smile, you son of a bitch!” He wins a Hero Point and the demon is engulfed in dungeon roomba. Surprise attacks…

Jorgy crits against one of the urdefhan with a shortbow and pins it to a tent, and Skabb shoots a lightning bolt. One fails its save, the other meets the DC. Lunes and the Cloracle to go, but Hartvig isn’t in range. Not of the ones we know about, anyway, ah fuck. There were two more hiding and guarding; they would have jumped us had we gone in but we haven’t so the DM puts them on the board so we can see. Hartvig is now in range! 17 misses with his Needle Darts. Oh well. Big Lunes. “I would like to shoot somebody please.” She goes for the outer guards. “In the face, please.” Hit! They can bleed, which is wonderful news as it means they can and will take her persistent damage. “Hooray!”

There are a lot of enemies on the board, so the DM shuffles some things around to make the fight a bit easier to manage. He shifts the one Jorg’ath pinned to a tent with his bow and he notices; “you put that back right now.”

Initiative! Luna has a feat that lets us all add 1 to our rolls; she can sense threats and warn her teammates. She expresses this warning by making a noise like she’s just seen a bird through a window. “Ekekekekekekekek.”

The DM draws a line; we are not able to target anything south of the line, because it’s too hot to deal with this many enemies and his brain is boiling in its case. Skabb is annoyed by this and draws a dick on the map, which is one dick of our usual three-dick limit. (We get half a dick each, as there are six of us; she’s used up her own half of a dick along with someone else’s.)

Sprocket does a cube face attack on the custard demon which is an automatic crit as it’s inside him. Augustus advances and casts Shield, just as well as an Urdefhan wanders up and bites him. He blocks the attack and takes no damage. Another bite; 26 still hits. That one does hit. Another one runs up to Hartvig and bites him.

One chucks a necrotic bomb at Augustus - but Sprocket remembers that because they share a hit point pool, and because Sprocket is currently a gelatinous cube and therefore has temporary hit points, Augustus cannot lose hit points until Sprocket returns to his normal form. Complicated but yay!

Jorgy next. He turns to Skabb and gets her to spit in his open mouth; holding back the vom he walks forward until he can’t hold it back any more, and does a HUUUUUUUGE gozz over 7 of them; they all have to make a check. The DM starts retching by way of reply. The longer this goes on, he warns, the worse Augie’s demise is gonna be. (We might even decide it’s worth the sacrifice.) 46 damage for all the Urdefhan who failed the save! He wins a Hero Point, in spite of the DM’s obvious disgust.

More death scouts next. Bite attack of 23 misses Jorg’ath, as does 19. But he is now flanked…

Skabb does a Blazing Dive! Jorg’ath also has to make the save, as she’s aimed herself at the ones flanking either side of him and one behind. 17 damage, and one is killed. The death gas effect doesn’t affect her as the range is five feet and she’s just outside it. She casts Clinging Ice on one of the ones still flanking Jorgy.

Luna will scoot forward and hide among the mushroom-wood palisades and stab the one nearest to her. 37 is a crit! Howdy doodis! Er… it explodes into death gas at her. Fortitude save DC 24 for her and Jorg’ath; ten damage each. She shoots an arrow for her last action. Nope - she hides.

Warriors next… DM muttering… One takes the place of the one that was killed flanking Jorg’ath, so he’s surrounded again. Uh oh.

The custard demon wrenches itself free from the gelatinous cube. It breath-weapons him with fire…

Sprocket: “On the plus side, I’m no longer vulnerable to fire [in this form].” It sets itself on fire! The wording of the ability states that it has to make a save against its own breath weapon, but there’s no save DC to meet so the damage just happens. Stupidly worded and hilarious.

Hartvig next. He gives his Urdefhan an open handed slap, with a Heal in it. It meets his save DC, unfortunately. He hits it with his staff, and it connects, taking 5 bludgeoning damage.

One of them runs up to Nards - but the DM retcons it. Hmm. He goes towards but past her, and it has lined up a shot at a bunch of us - Gusty, Luna, Skabb, Jorgy and Grabby. Grabby is floating so it misses her. No, not any of them - the DM changes his mind. Nards and Hartvig instead - we both make the save and take 3 and 1 persistent bleed damage.

Nards shoots a redpitch bomb at the cluster of urdefhan next to Jorgy and Skabb and crits! She also gets the five Urdefhan around it with the splash damage, yeah. She shoots again, crits again, and kills her original target, and wins a Hero Point.

Sprocket has Augustus cast Eidolon’s Wrath; that does positive damage so it’ll hurt the Urdefhan and heal his friends! Most of the baddies make the save, unforch. He hits a lot of them, so even with the saves he still does over a hundred damage!

Hartvig’s new friend bites at him and misses all three attacks. Barrassin. One casts Enfeeblement at Jorgy and misses. One does a bite at Skabb and hits. It turns her skin translucent around the bite… Fortitude save, which she aces. She don’t give no shits. 24 misses her. And then it takes 2 persistent fire damage.

Jorgy next and he crits against his with his Greatsword - howdy doodis! Head’s coming off. He makes a Fortitude save against the necrotic decay as it dies. Next attack - 29 is another crit! Howdy doodis and another save, another success, and the third is a red 12. Hero Point - 14. All three attacks were one great big swing, he tells us, and is awarded a Hero Point for killing two of them in one turn.

One moves to flank Jorg’ath, and bites him, misses, misses. He takes 2 fire damage at the end of his turn from Nadia’s bomb.

Skabb will bust out a 3-action heal, hurting them and healing her allies in range. 9 health or damage, depending on how you feel about the party. She wins a Hero Point for cleverness.

Luna is still hidden, so she will stab the Urdefhan next to her. 36. “Pazam!” That’s a crit… 13 plus 27 damage, and it’s off-guard (flat-footed) to her until her next turn. AND 2d6 sneak attack damage, doubled for the crit! 15 more damage. Howdy Doodis! “I stab him right through the head.” She makes a Fortitude save against the necrotic gas… 20 is a fail. She can reroll a save with a feat and crits! Jorgy also makes the save and neither take any damage. Luna re-hides at the end of her turn. Oh she has another action! Because all she did was stab and kill her target, she didn’t need to hide again. She recalls knowledge; no new information, but she gets precision damage next round.

More move up and bite at Jorg’ath but miss. Another tries to enfeeble him but fails. One dies after taking its persistent fire damage from Nadia, hooray! Jorgy takes 4 necrotic damage from the gas.

The custard demon pats out its own flames, embarrassed. It fails the check to stop drop and roll, and is still on fire! It doesn’t take an action to stand, just bites at where the cube’s ankles would be if it had any. 29 is a crit - well it would be, but cubes are immune to crits. Ha! It has another go at putting its own flames out, and fails again, as Sprocket looks on with faint disappointment. If the cube had a head it would shake it.

Hartvig is still in a slap-fight with his; he’s wearing his fighting trousers. He busts out a Heal, and then whacks it with his staff.

One does Grim Tendrils at Nards and Hartvig again, and we take 2 more damage each. Oooohhhhh noooooo.

Nadia finds herself flanked and runs for it, hoping they won’t hit her; she raises her crossbow at the weaker looking one and crits, killing it. She shoots for the other one, and misses. She wins a Hero Point for her massive damage.

Sprocket is next; the DM begs him to put the custard demon out of its misery. It’s brought shame to itself and its family. He will stab - well, he’s a cube, "so it’s 'spludge' more than 'stab'." He and Augustus Move Together, and he casts Boost Eidolon. Augustus then crits against an Urdefhan and gets the howdy doodis! He punched him in the spine, so it comes out of the top of his head. He and Skabb make Fortitude saves - Gusty crits and takes no damage, Skabb takes half so 8. “Fine. Yum yum.” Sprocket-cube (Or Sprube, as the DM christens him) headbutts the custard demon but misses.

Hartvig’s slap-fight buddy bites him, and hits. Irritated: “For goodness’s sake.” The flesh around the bite goes transparent… The DM doesn’t think that Enfeebling him will hamper him in any way so the urdefhan will do something else instead. Rude! “WOW. HOW DARE YOU.” Hartvig fails his save and is Drained 1 instead, and his friend regains 5hp. “… I’ll remember that.” It bites him again, misses, misses. Hartvig turns his head at the wrong moment and it turns into an awkward kiss.

Jorgy. He apologises to Luna in advance, and kills the urdefhan next to them both. He crit-succeeds his save and Luna only takes half damage. He trundles over to the awkward kiss situation; it’s nice to see Hartvig connecting with someone so he hates to interrupt. He slashes a different urdefhan instead - 18 slashing damage, and he’s done.

Skabb does a Blazing Dive at the custard demon and the Sprube. The demon is right at the end of her range and the Sprube is closer, so she's forced to hit them both if she wants to get the demon. Reflex saves: custard demon just makes it, the Sprube fails. 6 bludgeoning and 8 fire. She busts out her sling and aims for the demon; 31 hits for 6 bludgeoning damage.

Big Lunes takes aim at the urdefhan next to Jorgy - a hit and some sneak and precision damage. 24 damage and 6 persistent bleed, and she goes again. She hides for her last trick.

The demon is done trying to put itself out. Sprocket shakes the top of his cube form in disappointment. The DM can’t be bothered to deal with the demon again next week so he doesn’t Dimension Door him; he has him attack Skabb and Sprocket instead.

Hartvig has a lot of things that deal negative damage, but the urdefhan aren’t bothered by that so he casts Heal instead. It fails the save and Hartvig gets a Howdy Doodis! He heals him to death, and reduces him to the consistency of porridge; as the urdefhan is collapsing to the ground, Hartvig hits him with his stick. Fortitude save for the death gas - 29! Yeah, boiii! Half damage.

We’re down to one tormentor and a demon, and Hartvig has an action left. He gives Nards Guidance. “Because it’s been so useful in the past.”

The tormentor bites at Jorgy and misses, bites again, misses, bites again, misses. Fourth action - it takes its persistent damage from Luna and dies! Jorgy crit fails his save against the gas twice in a row.

Nadia shoots the custard demon and crits, killing it! It does an overly-theatrical death, clutching at the crossbow bolt in its chest. Dungeon Roomba goes over the corpse, leaving enough for Skabb to gnaw.

If Skabb makes a Nature check she can help Sprube put out his own fire. She is granted the power (via DM benevolence) to bounce on the cube a few times without taking any acid damage.

Hoorah! Only the rest of the urdefhan to murder now. Since the DM is feeling nice he will let us reposition for next week, and also allows the Sprube to remain rather than transforming back into a Sprocket. And Hartvig got to live everyone’s dream by having his ex die as soon as he was done with him.

[abominationvault]

Session 81: Sat 5 Jul 2025

Right. Us and the caligni don’t trust each other, mostly because we murdered their guards. But they do need our help so they’re offering us a place to stay - in a different, locked room.

They are refugees here, and are trapped. Half broke away to become a cult on a previous floor and seem to want to stay, but Delulu’s group’s exits are blocked by monsters. Delulu wants us to clear them out for her. Demon to the south and a dragon to the west, we can choose, and we think Jorg’ath will probably not want to leave until we’ve smeared both against a wall.

Jorg’ath himself is sparko having spent the day wrangling Baby Skabb on his own, so the DM gives Skabb his character sheet and we agree to help her decide what actions he’ll take. She immediately renames him “Dumbass Motherfucker Jorg’ath, the Gozz Princess”.

Hartvig shares what he had for dinner; a salad that everyone apparently tells him is disgusting: Italian leaves, chopped tomato, tuna, baby potatoes, pickled eggs, slices of gherkin, and a garnish of sauerkraut all covered in salad cream. In spite of considerable negative feedback from us on the eggs, he will continue to make his cursed salad. It just means he doesn’t have to share.

For helping, we are given a Wand of Continuation - essentially it gives you Stone Skin. It was for killing the demon for Delulu, which apparently we already did and the DM only just realised.

Jorg'ath arises! And joins us, hurrah.

The dragon is black, but other that that Delulu knows nothing about it and neither do we. Okay awesome!

We move on to look for the dragon, tippy-toes style. Sprocket sings the Mission Impossible theme. DM, suddenly: “Luna - see this water? You can hear something echoing across the water. It sounds almost like a bird.” Sprocket wants to know what kind of bird. “Like a pigeon, or…?” Luna’s ears go flat. Skabb sends Grabby out for a squizz. She sees a big square building with a door, stops, and makes a Perception check: 17. No - 30. She sees over on an island in the undergrowth, some crystals. She spots this among them:

It’s a Cauthooj. Grabby has a think but doesn’t know what they are. Skabb isn’t sure either. It seems to be behaving naturally, not aggressive. None of us know either, even Big Lunes with her 28. The DM takes pity and tells us anyway. It’s known as a puppet master bird, which has a song that drives its prey to attack each other. They are intelligent and prefer humans as prey… It’s medium sized, so Grabby couldn’t grab it. Hunting parties gather together to hunt them.

Nadia watches for threats as we move on, and Skabb looks for bad mushrooms. Nadia feels a breeze coming from the southerly corridor which likely to lead to the Darklands (where Delulu and her pals have just gone), and she thinks the northerly one might be where the dragon is. Skabb does a Nature check - recent prints. We all take a look; Luna has some scouting experience. Skabb gorges herself on the grubs and maggots that are feasting on the dragon’s scraps, while we wait for Luna:

This is an Adult Dragon, from the size of the footprints. She feels less bad about killing it, then. Skabb asks if there is evidence of scorch marks, or acid burns or something. She sees some corrosive damage to the surrounding stones, and she thinks it might have acid breath. We all win a Hero Point for Skabb’s clever question, which is probably a sign that we’ll need them.

It appears and does a breath weapon attack at us! Even though we were sneaking. It’s an 80 foot line, we wait to find out who’s been hit: Everyone but Luna. 38 damage, half on a save, DC 30. Yuck. Grabby crits and takes no damage, and flips the bird at the dragon.

Initiative…

Ravirex goes first, and approaches Jorgy who is at the front. 44 with his claw is a crit… 17 plus 46 damage… Shit. Then 28 more. The last attack misses, leaving him with 23 hit points. Luna wants to run up and dart part the dragon and get behind it. Acrobatics 31. She makes it! It’s now flanked, and offguard against her. Hero Point! She stabs it a couple of times, while she’s here. Her attack misses, unfortunately.

Nadia was considering running away a bit, but after seeing Luna heroically dive right at and past the dragon, doesn’t feel she could get away with that. She shoots and misses a couple of times and runs for the spot where Luna just was, hoping she’ll be shielded from any future breath attacks.

Sprocket and Augustus Move Together, and then turns into an ooze and climbs up the wall. No wait - he summons Katy Perry instead, because a lot of us need healing already and we’re not even through the first round. Hartvig magnanimously offers to stand at the back and do healing, since this is a fuck off great big dragon. Skabb feels we’ve reached a milestone in Hartvig's character development. With this in mind, Sprocket uses his stone skin wand on Jorg’ath, very sensible.

Skabbins next, and she will have Grabby fly over to Jorg’ath with a potion. Only 10 hp back for Jorgy, Skabb is disappointed. She does a Blazing Dive at the dragon, forcing a Reflex save. The dragon makes it, but we know that it takes Fire and Bludgeoning damage as normal.

Jorgy next. He peels off his glove, spits on his hand, and does a gozz right on the dragon. It makes the save and takes no damage… Jorgy opts for a good old fashioned bonking, but 28 misses… Only just though, as the dragon is flanked, 29 would have hit. Hero Point? Yes, but it’s worse.

Jorg’ath: “… We gon’ die.”

Hartvig does a Heal on Jorg’ath, as without him, we really will all die. The number is red, but it is 56 so that’s not too bad. And that’s his whole turn.

The dragon roars, forcing a Will save from everyone. Regardless of the roll, we are immune after this. Nadia uses her Grit feat, rolls the same number, and is pissed off until she remembers to actually look at the wording, and discovers that in fact she passes this time because the feat lets her add 2 to the new roll!

The dragon sees that the Cloracle keeps healing everyone. It disengages, flies over to Hartvig, and bites him.

Luna moves to get cover and shoots the dragon “in the arse.” 33 hits! 25 misses. “Rats.”

Nadia moves to flank the dragon, and shoots with one of her bombs attached, but misses even with a Hero Point.

Sprocket and Augustus Act Together. Sprocket curls into a ball and summons a dragon of his own! It makes two fang attacks and a tail strike. 30 hits! 18 damage, nice. 32 hits too! 26 more. The tail misses. Sprocket wins a Hero Point for being fucking cool and doing a bunch of damage. Sprocket states that he is very afraid.

Skabbins has been doing secret measuring - she does another Blazing Dive. It makes the save and takes half damage. Then she does Mycological Malady in hopes of Enfeebling it, and wins a Hero Point. The dragon crit-saves.

Skabb, enraged: “Oh. FUCK off!”

Extra-Medium Jorg’ath whacks it with a club and hits, then busts out his Javelin of Lightning! Ravirex fails the save and takes all 48 damage!

Hartvig enquires as to who’s hurt; the DM tells him that the dragon is. Probably Jorgy, if he only means our team. He needs to get away but doesn’t know if he’ll get Attack of Opportunity’ed. He decides to Heal Jorg’ath, and then fuck around and find out. As he turns to move -

The dragon does nothing.

Skabb: “That was an asshole move, [DM].”

The dragon, seeing another dragon all up in its business, does something about it. One of its attacks crits, doing 84 total damage in one attack, and Sprocket’s dragon disappears. It turns to Jorg’ath for the horn attack and crits, doing 49 damage. Then it bites him… Oh wait stoneskin! Each time he’s hit, it removes 5 of the damage he takes. So he’s owed a bunch of hp back!

Luna next.

Nadia switches out for Alkonost. She shoots, hits, Risky Reloads, and misses. She drops the gun in disgust.

Sprocket resummons his dragon! It hits with one of its multi attacks.

Skabb has just discovered that the DM has put all her forms into her journal, so she wants to bust one out. … Can she use her grill in her new form?

DM: “Absolutely not are you supposed to, but yes you can.”

She changes her mind and casts Lightning Bolt, Ravirex saves but takes half damage.

Jorg’ath hits with his club and gets the howdy doodis! He smushes it to a paste, leaving a nice chunk for Skabb to chew on.

Luna remembers suddenly that dragons have hoards, and slopes off to check for treasure. She gets first dibs.

260gp, 1412 sp, 4303 cp, golden goblet 200 gp, +2 striking mace, iron medallion, scroll of spirit blast, mummified bat talisman. Skabb wants the bat. Luna takes the mace, and will ask Nadia to remove the rune and put it on her bow. Hartvig takes the scroll. Nadia scoops some acid out of the dragon for making bombs, and some more plus some teeth for Skabb (who will probably use the acid as a condiment). Greater Acid Flask!

We have an area to the north to clear on this map, and to the west there are a group of erdofan. After this floor, there’s only one left…

[abominationvault]

Session 80: Sat Jun 21 2025

We were in the middle of a fight let’s go! Well, once everyone has put various toddlers to bed. While the rest of us wait, we complain about the heat and the DM shows us a handout of Sprocket’s latest summon, Jan:

We begin a collaborative backstory for Jan; she works in Tescos stocking shelves and has some sort of keratin issue which causes her to have extremely long and gross toenails.

Oh shit Nadia’s dead. Sprocket’s turn!

Jann gets the howdy doodis and runs the undead gnome through! Is it an action for her to change weapons? DM: “Not today!” Not sure if it’s a good sign that he’s letting that slide.

Weak to good, immune to death effects, no other weaknesses or immunities, Reflex and Will are weakest saves on the custard demons. All Hartvig’s spells are Fortitude. “Why do I even bother." He goes for Spiritual Armament and hits!

Now it’s the Custard demons, and the DM starts measuring how far it is from them to Jan. Sprocket: “Noooo, not Jan!” It does a breath weapon and gets a bunch of us. Then another moves up and does the same.

Big Lunes - and she crits with her bow!

Jorgy warns Jan to duck, and does a gozz at the demons. Two fail their saves, one crits. Then he busts out a javelin and gets a howdydoodis!

Nadia skips her turn but is stable. Skabb next and she can sustain her ice spell if she wants but there is only one custard demon still in the area so she drops it and does her own Elemental Breath spell instead! She catches Jan in the cone and wins a Hero Point for not giving half a wet shit about it. She then uses her wand to get Nadia up.

Sprocket does some staff work, and Hartvig does a big 3 action heal, giving us all 18 hp back. His spiritual weapon disappears. The last demon tries to fly off to get its mates, but Luna shoots it out of the sky. Hooray! Final Fantasy fanfare.

We heal up and move on.

Jorg’ath leads us into the boathouse and looks for treasure - he finds a chest inside a little rowing boat, which still looks seaworthy. Swan boat feather token, a +2 armour rune, +2 striking dagger! The swan boat token will transform into a boat that will carry up to 32 medium creatures!

We ready attacks for when Jorg’ath opens the door, but the creatures on the other side have done the same so nobody gets a surprise round. Big Lunes goes first.

“What can I see? I shoot it!”

They are light blind, weakest save is Fortitude, some other stuff. Luna wants to inflict regular blindness as well, so she goes for the eyes. These guys are more Caligni (I think? It’s something we’ve fought before anyway).

Jorgy sidles on in. “Stomp stomp stomp.” He goes for a traditional bonk, and crits with a green 40! 51 damage, and a Hero Point for the barbrian. The secondary bonk misses so he uses his fresh new Hero Point and crits again with a green 35 and 38 more damage. He has bonked him into the ground, and howdy doodises him by fully hammering him down like a nail.

It does explode a bit, however. Luna and Jorg’ath have to make saves, but both succeed.

Hartvig is next, and saw the tongue of flame come shooting out the door. He casts Sanguine Mist, and can get both the remaining Caligni. He crits! Oh wait it’s a save. DC27, and the first gets a 32. The second fails, however. Half and full damage respectively.

Nadia hits, then two misses.

Skabb next. She does a Blazing Dive, both save but take half damage. She bites one with her last action, but misses.

Some stuff happens but my dog starts yelling so I miss it.

The caligni take a turn, and do some stabbing at Augustus and Skabb. Jorgy does some bonking.

Hartvig runs in screaming and bites one in the face!

Nadia nominates him for a Hero Point, it is granted.

Nadia switches out for her Liar’s Gun and does an Annie Oakley pistol twirl - the caligni fails! She crit fails her attack, so uses her last Hero Point - it hits, phew.

Skabb does an Electric Arc but they make the save, so she goes in with the teeth as well.

Sprocket Boosts Eidolon on Augustus and does a Phase Bolt.

The Caligni attack Hartvig, who is now up in their faces. They stab at him with a sword, only one attack lands. He uses all his temporary hit points from the vampiric touch spell, and then three of his own real ones as well.

Big Lunes does a big hide for herself, and debates whether to run and stab or shoot from her position. “I’m gonna do something stupid and run in there and give them a stab.” She crits! And crits her damage! And somehow manages to sound disappointed. And genuinely is disappointed when her caligni explodes, causing Reflex saves all around.

Jorg’ath wants to pin the last one into a corner. How would he achieve that? DM research... Please wait... Grapple and then Move, which would leave him with one action. “Let’s do that.” 26 athletics, a success! He shoves the caligni into the corner away from the rest of the party. If he uses a natural weapon (teeth, claws) he can make an attack and shield his friends with his body from the resulting explosion. 21 misses, Hero Point… 26? Hits! Kaboom! 68 damage to Jorgy alone.

Skabb suggests making a candle from Jorg’ath’s corpse’s fat, and lighting it in his memory. Jorg’ath: “Hang on, I’m still half alive.” He wins a Hero Point for being a hero.

There is a pit in the middle of the floor here I think? There are more doors leading out, and no items of value. Only empty tankards and plates.

We need Jorgy in door-kicking shape, so we heal him up. “There’s no treasure in this room, but there’s something far more important - the power of friendship.”

Ah something appears in the room?? Another caligni, apparently alerted by the noise? She enters the room, sees the remains of her friends, and looks furious. “Why have you killed my brethren?” Hartvig points out that they started it. She looks sad, and says they have escaped calamity somewhere (The Dark Lands?) and this is what they’ve found.

She assumes we’ve come from the surface? Did we pass her lost brethren on the floor above? They’ve formed some sort of cult. Um… Yeah. There are two exits from here, one blocked by a dragon, one by a demon. She saw us tangling with demons earlier, and would have sent aid but was unsure of our intentions.

She can offer us sanctuary while we recover; she will also offer a wand if we get rid of the demon and/or the dragon. What that wand doooo? DM research… please wait… Cool stuff, including resistance 5 to all physical damage, I miss the rest.

(Dungeons and Dragons main head writers have left WotC and joined Critical Role, according to Hartvig. 'Ave that, ye bastards!)

She shows us into the room behind her, and points out some woodlices to Skabb who is delighted.

Nadia asks the caligni her name - It is Galudu, which we immediately decide is really Delulu. She hasn’t seen any lenses lying around, has she? No. Nadia wins a Hero Point for remembering about the lenses.

The lenses are magical, right? Skabb wonders how far Detect Magic will go. If we go out on the boat, we could ping the whole lake maybe?

We rest, and the caligni barricade themselves in a different room. Skabb invests in her Crimson Lens, Nadia puts the +2 armour rune on Jorg’ath’s armour, and we call it there.

[abominationvault]

Session 79: Sat 14 Jun 2025

Nadia makes a perception check for the guys to the north of us:

These custard demons seem to be guarding something and if they are aware of our presence then they haven’t shown it. Nadia sees a building behind them.

Luna Recalls Knowledge on the demons. They have otherworldly senses and make good guardians, in fact are often created for such purpose. Weak to good damage, immune to death effects, weakest save is Reflex and Will.

Skabb has spotted a masked figure and wants to know more about them. It’s an other caligni… Sneak attack damage, light blindness, weakest save is Fortitude.

Is there another lens? We were told there is, and that it’s in a building. (...?) Skabb has a nasty feeling it’s here; she checks her notes. No, it's in water. There are horrendous fish that can pull themselves up on land, and the lens is in the water with them, perhaps. We have a new erdofan friend whose father was killed by the fish, and he had the lens at the time. I think? Ochre lens is in a dark wet place.

We discuss using Jorg’ath to distract the fish. If only we had a bard, they could play the Benny Hill theme. Skabb makes a nature check on the fish. It sounds like a deep water dutharex (sp?). They only go on land to chase easy prey. Weakest save is Will, immune to acid.

Tired of all this talk, Jorg’ath bombs it to the lake and we follow. Skabb, Grabby and Luna sneak. Someone’s tickling Jorgy’s toesies! Also there are some figures on the western shore. The big fish tries to swallow Jorgy whole. He takes 19 piercing damage and is asked what his Reflex save is… Some DM maths happen… And he is swallowed.

Can we shoot into the water? Yes, even though we can’t see it - it’s obscured. We need to roll a flat d20 check and get a 10 or higher. Luna hits, Nadia misses, Skabb hits. Initiative!

Luna misses all her attacks, thanks to having to roll the flat d20 check in addition to the attack roll.

The one that swallowed Jorg’ath swims off with him, and another leaps out of the water at Nadia who is standing at the edge.

It swallows her... The good news is that it is on the land still so air is not a problem.

She shoots and auto hits, doing some damage, and Hartvig does Needle Darts and hits (without getting Nadia!) and Guides Sprocket.

Sprocket summons a living waterfall! It strikes with a mighty watery fist, and misses. Then crits, pushing the fish further onto land so it can’t swim off with Nadia in its belly.

Jorgy does a gozz, it crit-fails its save and burps him up. Oh wait, no it doesn’t??

Skabb takes a chunk out of it with her grille, as this fish is an aberration! Nadia feels the temperature drop as Skabb casts Clinging Ice.

Luna’s streak of bad luck continues…

The one full of lizard enjoyed none of his shenanigans and spits him out, but he’s still underwater. It proceeds to bite him, and that might very well be a crit. Jorgy checks his sheet and yes it is. 23 plus 48 damage… “Ow.” It then tries to swallow him again. Annoyed: “This fuckin’ guy.”

It fails!

The other one tries to eat Skabb as a nice little chaser for Nadia. 36 hits and is a crit… She is alive but only just. It fails to swallow her, tries again, fails again.

Nadia shoots her last crossbow bolt and kills the fish! Like truth emerging from her well to shame mankind, she rises up, covered in slime.

Hartvig heals her and Skabb and Sprocket for 24 points.

Sprocket’s waterfall goes again at the one next to Jorg’ath and hits. He then casts Thunderstrike from his staff! It saves, booh. But takes half damage, yay!

Jorgy next. He has a number of questions about water-based combat. At the end of it all he crits and kills it! He drags it out of the water "looking all heroic and shit".

We do some healing and move on.

Jorgy goes right back in the water to look for the lens. Sprocket casts Detect Magic into the lake! It returns nothing. Jorg’ath can’t find anything either but he spots some green crystals. Nadia takes a look and makes a crafting check to see what they are - resonating crystals that can be used in alarms. Skabb has a piece of a different crystal; that could be used to make electric ammunition…

Skabb sends Grabby up high for a recce of the building, looking for an entrance that will help us avoid a fight with the custard demons. She finds a room with a column - Nadia wants to know what it’s made of and if it’s load bearing, but with a very good Perception roll Grabby thinks it might be magically reinforced. Explosives probably no use here then.

Grabby moves to the main building and has a listen; the voices inside seem to be chatting, relaxed. Skabb wants to have her squish her way through the splatty mushroom door, the one to what seems to be a boathouse. Then this happens:

Grabby makes a Will save - 29. She hears a voice in her head and is cut off from Skabb. She flies back to her. No ill effects, and after a minute their link is reinstated.

Luna thinks she sees a frightening little thing on the top of the boathouse for a second, before it disappears again. It has a shock of white hair and red eyes; Skabb immediately wants to be friends with it. She rushes over on her goblin dog. What languages does she speak? She hears a voice in her head in a sing-songy, melodic tone, but it sounds angry. She doesn’t understand it, however.

Does 32 hit Nadia? Yes, ow! She takes 24 slashing damage, and this appears:

It’s another bloody undead gnome! She shoots at it but 27 misses. Initiative…

The thing runs up and claws at Nadia, then tries a Drain effect but she makes the save. Luna next. 37 is a hit with her bow! 29 and 22 are misses.

Jorg’ath next, and he will stomp up and grapple it. Nadia goes for a headbutt but misses, Hero Points, misses, and the DM takes pity on her and lets it hit. She stabs it with her bayonet but misses again. “I hate this gnome, someone kill it.”

Skabb goes for a Force Barrage from her wand, 3 actions, 9 Force damage.

Hartvig Heals Jorg’ath and Nadia and hurts the gnome with the Heal spell - it takes half damage.

Sprocketses! He and Augustus Act Together, and Sprocket casts Phase Bolt. Augustus does a Fist Slam, one hits and one misses.

What is Jorgy’s Athletics DC? 29; the gnome tries to get free and rolls a natty 20. It drops out of his arms and claws at Nadia - it crits, taking her out, spits on her body and claws at Jorg’ath. It misses. it seems to really have it in for the devil in the party for some reason.

Big Lunes is next but is AFK so we skip to Jorg’ath. “I would like to pummel him and murder him. Bonk.” 38 hits for 13+7 damage, 30 also hits for 22 plus 7 more, and he wants to pick him up and sling him at something. He can only pick him up with his remaining actions, so Athletics check, but misses - Hero Point, much worse. The gnome spits at his feet.

Luna is still AFK so Sprocket takes her turn. We are all doing very badly today. Nadia rolls an 18 Death Save and becomes stable.

Skabb has just seen her friend clawed into unconsciousness. The goblin dog licks Nadia comfortingly, in a non-disease giving way, as they go past her. Then Skabb casts Mycological Malady:

It’s Enfeebled 2 and Slowed 1! Jorg’ath, rubbing his hands together: “He’s gonna get slung.”

Hartvig does another emanation Heal, bringing Nadia back to 12 hp and damaging the gnome for 6.

Sprocket and Augustus Act Together and summon Jan. Jan is “some kind of spirit”. It’s an elemental, and his name is literally Jan. He’s a sort of Genie? He’;s made of all six elements apparently. Jorg’ath, impressed: “Multi-Jan.” Augustus misses, so Jan is up. Scimitar! 24 to hit. Sprocket: “That’s terrible, Jan.”

The gnome hits Nadia again and she goes down, again. Then it tries to devour Jorg’ath’s soul. There’s a save; he rolls a 22. Hero Point: 30! Shame he needed 31. He takes 30 Negative damage but fortunately doesn’t die as if he did it would devour his soul.

Luna next. 26 is a miss, 32 hits! For the lowest possible damage. 11 also misses. “Done.”

Jorgy will do a bonk, first off, 31 hits for 19 damage, and then he wants to pick him up and throw him at one of the demons. 28 Athletics, and that’s a miss. Hero Point another worse miss. Greatclub - 28 hits. 12 damage and he hears bone crunch, but the gome is still not dead.

Nadia makes a death save - another 18, she is stable.

Skabb does an Ice Storm but it misses, and we call it there…

[abominationvault]

Session 78 Sat Jun 7 2025

I missed last week so Skabb’s notes will be incoming soon! We are fighting one of these things, so Nadia better hit the ground running:

There was a recall knowledge: We know that it’s a fiend, it’s got Divine Innate spells, immunities are confusion, death effects, and swarm attacks, it is weak to good damage, weakest save is fortitude, has an AoE attack with its rotten limbs, also it pukes something horrible. A swarm of stuff.

Also Sprocket has summoned something, some sort of dragonkin. Stormsnake!

Right into the action, we start with Nadia who uses a bomb and then misses with a Risky Reload so her gun jams. She sets the monster on fire, it tries to put itself out but doesn’t manage it. It does cauterise its own wounds, however. It reaches up to claw at Augustus, who is good-aligned and therefore takes 22 damage.

Luna leans out from behind a rock and shoots, but 27 misses. So does 28, so she hides again with her last action.

Skabb. “Oh, shitcakes.” She wants to do something new; much cryptic talk between her and the DM, positioning herself and Grabby. We move to Jorgy as Skabb’s laptop takes a shit. He, even with his actual real life mother in law on the sofa behind him, does a gozz attack with all the associated foley work. A hit! It saves, but still takes some damage. 16 delicious Force damage. 38 hits but hold on, he’s changed his name…

He’s done Luna as well:

Skabb gets her shit together and turns into a scorpion!!! It has a little grill on its mandibles. That’s her turn.

Sprocket and Luna arrive! Long discussion about cats.

Hartvig’s turn, and he’s stable at 0HP. He rolls over from his back to his front so he doesn’t choke on his own tongue, and dribbles a bit. The DM allows him a free Perception check, which he uses to see how dead our enemy is: about halfway.

Moving on… Sprocket! He uses an action to keep the stormsnake up, and runs to Hartvig to jam a potion down his neck. Via an impromptu tracheotomy he makes with his scalpel. “You gonna be okay!” 18 HP back for Hartvig. Augustus does a fist slam but misses. The lightning snake does a lightning strike at the Derghodaemon, but it saves.

Nadia drops her jammed gun and pulls out her crossbow; the first attack misses but the second does it 19 damage.

The demon takes its damage from the bomb but then puts the fire out on itself. It then tries to stop the bleeding from its wounds but fails! Out of rage it swings at Augustus and hits for 26 slashing and 3 evil damage. (Short discussion about the party’s alignments. Jorgy and Hartvig are the only goodies. Wait, Nadia is chaotic good too; Jorg’ath always sort of assumed she was what the kids would call A Baddie. She is that as well.)

Big Lunes is up, and she’s AFK because her sister is visiting so Sprocket takes over for her. How many cloaks is she allowed to wear at once, he wants to know? Skabb notes that she should not be able to hide at all, what with all the shiny shinies she’s carrying. She shoots with her shortbow, miss, hit, miss. She hides, and is supremely confident that she’s hidden.

Skabbulon. “Er… Do my Hero Points stay with me as a scorpion?” They do. She has another go at that attack and does it worse. At least she looks cool. Grabby does a Stitching Strike:

The monster rolls a 38, her spell DC is 27 which makes the save a critical. Can Skabb-pion fart on it as a free action? Obviously.

Jorgy. Scythe 36 hits! 9+7 damage. 32 also hits! 11+7, and then he would like to tackle it. Grab its spindly little legs and take it down. Athletics vs. its Fortitude: 28, but there’s always time for a Hero Point. 29.

Hartvig. “Ahhhh I live!” He stands up and staggers about for a bit. He casts a fancy new spell called Rip the Spirit:

The monster critically succeeds. “That’s fine. I’ll just cross the fifth level spell slot off, that’s done.” He sits down on the floor to consider his life choices.

Sprocket is covered in barbecue sauce. No, hoisin sauce. Skabb: “Is this what happens when [Luna] goes out?” Sprocket: “… I heard what I said, and I stick by it.” He uses an action to keep his snakey-fella going (Skabb bites her tongue hard), and Boosts Eidolon. Augustus fails to Fist Slam and uses a Hero Point - 35 hits! 19 plus 4 damage. The Storm Snake does a tail attack, 27 misses.

Nadia hits it with another bomb, but her other attack misses.

The monster takes 8 damage (4 bleed, 4 fire), then tries to kill Augustus. 42 hits him for 20 slashing and 4 evil damage. That’s for sure a crit… 42 more damage. Augustus winks out of existence, and Sprocket falls to the floor. Jorg’ath: “Be safe in the knowledge that you will be avenged.” Then it savagely assaults as many of us as it can reach. Just Jorg’ath. and Skabb-pion. 21 misses Jorgy, and 27 just hits Skabby-claws. 25 slashing damage to her.

Big Lunes is next. Sprocket is dismayed to discover she doesn’t have any poisons. She shoots anyway - 36 hits for a Howdy Doodis! It erupts into chunks, and all of the chunks are Enfeebled 1. Skabb starts picking up the bits with her grabbers and feeding them into her mandibles. Skabb-dibles.

The passageway behind Grabby leads out of the vault, the DM kindly tells us, so we don’t need to waste time exploring it. We decide he’s hiding treasure and that means we should DEFINITELY explore it.

Hartvig casts Heal on Sprocket. 49 HP back. “I’m alive!” He does one for everyone that needs a big Heal as well. “Everyone have 32.”

Fungal canopy up to 50 feet. As we move about we must move on our turns now. Skabb can’t see any fungus that would produce spores that might be dangerous. Some areas might be difficult terrain.

Jorg’ath goes first and whispers back to the rest of us that there are some ‘red boys’ up here. Nadia follows, looking out for threats and bugs that Skabb might like. Above the canopy of the mushrooms she sees two more guys; she points them out to the others. We fought these a little while ago. She is confident that they haven’t seen us, but they seem to be wafting toward Jorg’ath…

She chucks a little pebble at him and points up. He doesn’t seem to understand what she means. “Okay, well I tried…” They look close on the map, but are a long way up.

Luna next, but she has no darkvision and doesn’t know about the puffballs. She moves up next to Nadia and follows her gaze - she sees the puffballs. (Nadia also found some juicy slugs, and pockets them for Skabb.) Luna’s ears go flat and her tail goes poofy.

Skabb hasn’t noticed the puffballs or the shenanigans; she has been scanning the ground for grubs. She finds a squiggler and a legses. Legses goes straight in the mouth, bum first.

Hartvig is part Duskwalker on his father’s side, so he has darkvision. He has spotted the puffballs. What hurt them, when we fought them before? He does a recall knowledge (not a high DC as we’ve fought them before). Weak to fire!

Sprocket last, and he has Darkvision as well. “I am also weak to fire,” he points out. He also sees the puffballs. He has a digwidget, he tells us. … A what now?

Oh. one of those. It’s a construct, and can be used to pick locks or dig holes, and has a burrow-speed.

He uses the mushrooms as cover; the DM rules that they are not difficult terrain for him as he can move between them on account of his small size.

The puffballs get a turn. Big Lunes, Nards, Sprocketses and Hartvig see them sneaking towards Jorg’ath.

Initiative:

Nadia goes first and crits with her crossbow and a redpitch bomb doing 42 damage (12 of which is persistent fire damage) in one hit. She uses her last action to shout at Jorg’ath to warn him; Skabb hears that as well so they can both roll initiative and join in next round.

Luna shoots with a 31, a hit plus her sneak attack. No bleed damage as they don’t bleed. (Skabb remembers that these things do something nasty when they die, explode into spores or something.) She hits again and then repositions herself, minding out to stay near enough to Jorg’ath (who glows) that she can still see stuff.

Hartvig next, and he will shoot the other one. Can we tell how close they are to dying? Yeah, but it’s an action. He perceives for 25; the second is showing no sign of wear, but the other has some splits in its sides. It doesn’t look about to split all the way open, but has taken heavy damage. He shoots for that one. Needle Dar- oh, Hero Point. Needle Darts! 21 piercing. Noice.

Sprocket next. How far above us are they? The mostly intact one about 20 feet, the damaged one about 10 feet. He does a Blazing Bolt from his staff, to hit both of them. 18 misses. Sprocket, being vulnerable to fire himself, hates using fire. Even so he does it again, 29 hits! For his last action he hunkers down in the shrooms.

Nadia hits three times with the use of a Hero Point and kills it - it explodes, doing 40 damage to everyone in 20 feet. We all fail our saves, Nadia even though she uses Grit and Tenacity AND her Devil’s Luck contract.

Lunes was about to do a murder but having seen the other one explode all over us, thinks twice. This one isn’t as damaged so she goes for it and crits for 47 damage, nice. Now she’s more anxious, because she doesn’t want to kill Skabb. She does a bit of hiding.

Hartvig. “It’s me!” Wait, no, it’s Jorg’ath, we’re out of order for some reason. He shoots his crossbow at it but misses, then hits. 7 piercing, for 17 because it’s vulnerable to that as well. And 7 Force. “Exquisite.” He misses that time.

Hartvig will now take his turn and administer Needles again. 24 misses, Hero Point, even worse. He runs away a bit.

Sprocket flips through his ever-growing spell book. “I will… No wait, it was 30 feet… Yeah that’ll do it.” He hits with a Phase Bolt for 15 damage. The next one is a miss. He also does some repositioning, hiding under a mushroom.

The remaining one hasn’t seen Skabb yet, so it wafts at Hartvig. It’s right up in his grill, but it’s shit out of actions.

Skabb next. How far is its blast radius? 20 feet. She will put herself at risk to do a Breathe Fire at it. Ballsy if nothing else. “Get away from my friend, you bitch!” Nadia nominates her for a Hero Point.

Nadia does a Perception check in order to use an action so she’s less likely to be the one to kill her friends. She shoots, hits for 25 damage, and then reloads her crossbow, relieved that she won’t be the one to get the howdydoodis and plaster her friends to the floor.

Luna next with the hot potato, is there any way she can stuff it into a bag of holding with a grenade? 30 hits for 23 damage; it looks like a balloon that’s been overinflated. There are thin patches. Bad news; she gets sneak attack damage as well - it doesn’t explode. She breathes a sigh of relief.

Jorgy next. Blast radius is still 20 feet. Could he dive-tackle it and take it away from his friends? Does he have an attack with the Shove trait, the DM asks? He hasn’t seen one on his sheet. He can Shove as part of a movement. He can move 30 feet. If he moves twice and critically succeeds, the DM will let him move it 20 feet. He crits! 39 Athletics!

Having successfully jumped on the grenade, he attacks with his claws and the puffball explodes doing 15 damage. He is nominated for a Hero Point by Nadia, and a fungal infection by Skabb.

We do some healing and call it there.

[abominationvault]

Session 77: Sat May 31 2025

I am away this week, so Skabb takes over note-taking!

We go down to the next level. Medussa has fecked off. We have Drow friends Haribo and her ppl on this level and 1 we saved in a previous level (in the tavern).

There are green crystals in the wall (the tunnels were dug out by an ancient worm). Skabb pries two out, they glow and vibrate with faint leccy - doesn't hurt) gives one to Nards to make something out of and keeps one for lighting up her gob for shits and giggles.

Leader in yldaris is Koala. (cue lengthy chat about koalas, chlamydia etc…)

Its blummin dark. some of us are stuck in walls/cant move/cant see (not intentially)

we are led through tunnel by drow. Guard sat carving mushroom wood. Curious but keeps whittling and acknowledges our guide. Head west to Yldaris. East - where we keep mounts and caravans drop off from "Darklands". The "mounts" are like monitor lizards but huge.

Skabb goes and asks if she can sit on a lizard. The Drow are respectful and allow it. Skabb is overjoyed :)

WE head west, our escort does a fancy knock on a door and we are let in by another guard. This one introduces itself as Catlitter. Jorgarth likes his hat. He opens a door to a room with chairs. Jorgarth recognises someone playing cards at the table - we saved him from being eaten by folk in the pub. He smiles warmly at us and motions at others and tells us their names and welcome us to Yldaris.(had other things happened in previous levels they would've attacked, but they like us…they really like us!). escort leads us to meet the leader.

Nards tells us writing in elvish are aphorisms saying to stay alert and stay alive, the marks underneath represent every time yldaris has been attacked and defended.

Skabb finds a room with Drow shootists working on their crossbows JOrgarth finds a room with folk aiming at targets. He flexes at them. They look curious but are unfazed. Jorgarth finds sleeping quarters and our guide tells us to head southwards through double doors to find their leader.

Koala (Quara) is in the room. Jorgarth starts curling her anvil to try to impress her?! 2 strange looking drow (Cavern Seer) are at the end of the room. Jorgarth licks one of the cavern seer. It is disgusted.

Koala thanks us for saving her cousin from the pot. She says she has never met surface dwellers but we are less ugly than expected.

she wants to know about us. we ask if she knows vecro - she is familiar, not particularly pro Velcro, her predecessors worked for her but not through choice. She has no ill will towards the surface dwellers.

She smiles and says she has a lot to think about. She wants to speak to her advisors and come back rto us. They will put us in an overflow area to wait. Sends us away and we are called back. Can leave things in the room

Says I believe you have been honest with me and I will be honest with you. Yldaris is only here for Velcro. Ochre fulcrum lens which manipulates . I was never meant to lead. Father was leader and went

erdofan leader caught and murdered father and sister perhaps to get the lens. Velcro came to me as a ghost. For good of yldaris I renewed vows. Not bound by words. Will side with us be loyal to us.

Velcro befriended drow, erdofans to the west and the deep gnomes above who have embraced death. Each had a lens.

Seers speak: There is more (they move mouths in unison) The ochre lens lies in a dark and wet place. He died attempting to know more of its purpose. He hid it from the erdofans. The ERdofansThe stones empower the ghost queen and are poewr to defeat. together they gather the attention of the empty death Nimboleth. The answer is in the old treasure vault overlooks the lake (on this level). She cannot withstand its power if they are all together. WHISPERING REEDS BOOK - has more info on these lenses. This should be in AugClem but we arent sure. Not one that we have written down in AC. DM said we can assume that we have it as was in upper floor.

The book is cursed and will turn whoever reads it into a ghost that is then cosumed by Nimboleth Lenses will allow velcro to come back But if you use them against her you can destroy her. Hartvig has Crimson Lens in his inventory. Emerald Lens to the west with the erdofans (transparent, can see their organs, we thought they were vampires - is what jorgy was before he becams e aghol) they feed off of blood and vitality - Ochre lens is the one with the drow to the east -

south, what appears to be a dead end is the entrance the hunters use to come in and out to pass into caverns and then head west to find the lake. erdofan are enemies to the drow cultists to north have been summoning demons There are horrendous fish said to live in the lake - large predatory fish that can haul themselves up on land More chance of reasoning with mushrooms than the erdofans

Tells us that erdofan have negative healing and when they die their flesh quickly rots and turns into a gas that curdles flesh and makes it rot - advises killing them from afar She would like us ti kill the one who killed her father and sister (bring back the sword of Khurfel) and we will get a reward including a lizard steed…!! Way through goes through lizards pasture, don't be alarmed if dead, as sometimes murdered by the local creatures.

Jorgart found a dead drow in a spiders web, moved a lizard out of the way to get to him. Cloak of elvynkind which he passes to Luna (get invisibility when draw up hood, plus 1 to stealth checks, cast ghost sound) and healers gloves (plus 2 bonus to medicine checks, as a 1 action heal can do 4d6 plus 15hp once a day- which he passes to the Cloracle.

Hartvig is surrounded by fog and biting mouths, which seem to be a magical effect bite him (really hard) he critically fails, but then rerolls using a HP and only fails so takes 27 instead of 54 damage.

Skabb dispels the magic and gets a HP. good news biters are gone. Bad news a spiderdemon thing arrives (derghodaemon) and fucks Hartvig up (42 to critically hit and does 76 damage as Hartvig is good). We all roll initiative…

Hartvig is down. Sprocket has a go and I don't know what happens cos my laptop dies Luna critically recalls knowledge - its immune to swarm attacks, confusion and death effects Its weak to good (only paladins do this) Weakest save is fortitude Dot all cluster in one place as it has aoe attacks FIEND/DEMON Big Lunes then enfeebles it and hurts it some (my laptop had died so missed details)

Skabb uses her new elemental breath attack and summons a portal to an elemental plane in her gob and breathes fire all over it for 42 damage. Then runs over to Hartvigs body

Jorgarth uses his javelin of lightning but it makes the save. He moves to goad it into attacking him.

Hartvig "casts imitate corpse". He death saves and is stable. Wounded 1, 0 hit points.

Sprocketses - takes his 12 persistent bug damage. Then Summons a mighty dragon (of level 5 or lower - flame drake or storm snake) chooses storm snake - it is surprisingly ickle on the map. It has 2 actions so it lightning strikes, and deals 7 damage. target is dazzled until end of next turn. Then attacks with its tail but misses. Then augustus clementine moves to flank with jorgarth.

Nards will start the turn order for next week….

[abominationvault]

Session 76: Sat 24 May 2025 IRL DnD!!!

We are IRL this is not a drill! Notes minimal, and probably a good amount incorrect.

Skabb found some blue flowers, what were they? She can use them for potions. The pollen inflicts -1 to Will saves… Nadia might be able to make a bomb with them for her.

The medusa’s real name is Miriam (now), and she would follow us around for a while but the DM is traumatised after Augie. He relents after we refuse to let it go, and Jorgy gets control of her.

Hartvig takes some mushrooms to dry them out. We go back to the cultists to deal with the wisps for them. We have a rest, and Nadia charges ahead.

Stairs leading up, basins with muddy water. These wisps are Dread Wisps…

Initiative! I will document the outcome only, rather than the whole fight. The casters feel a pulse of magic when we win…

The cultists are delighted and run past us, on their way to see their holy one…?

Skabb follows them. “Oh, no, it’s one o' them neck-fannies.”

Also we get shot at with arrows, but they all miss. It’s the undead gnomes! “We are leaving, ya pricks, I love you,” Sprocket calls as he runs past.

Pile of carrion that was once an aquatic reptile, Skabb can tell us. Stinks worse than her.

We have a fight with the gnomes while Skabb engages the ‘God’. It tells her Velcro is back and ain’t nothing we can do about it. It’s one of those Gug things! It seems very calm.

Skabb has to make a Will save, 16. Hero Point? 19. Stupefied 1. She has been hearing whispers; “The lenses. She knows the secret of the lenses. 3 within reach. One held by the blood eaters, one lost, one very close." (I think?)

Skabb wants to recall knowledge; she doesn’t know. There is a thing in its hand that seems to be calming it, she knows she wants it but not what it does. She fails another save and is Stupefied 2. “She keeps them apart but the essences will become one.” It’s nice in this cave, Skabb thinks to herself. She eats a slug, picks her toes.

We hear a faint chanting, farting and water splashing. Nadia runs in and grabs Skabb before her brain entirely melts. She can remember what the voices were saying; she tells us. Oh the thing in the gug’s hand is a lens! She wants to grab it.

She goes back in. She hears further messages: Find the lenses and place their essences together within a host. Join the essences within Haruvex and she can fall again. (Nadia wins a Hero Point for remembering that Haruvex is Velcro...)

Nadia charms the "god" (“Well hi, Sugar!”) while Luna’s Mage Hand tickles it, Sprocket’s Mage Hand grabs the lens! The DM would have let Nadia have it for the successful Charm spell, but this is more fun.

The lens does a bunch of stuff! We give it to Hartvig.

Can we do anything to figure out where the voices were coming from? Hartvig makes a Religion check, Skabb an Occultism, and Sprocket an Arcana check; they think this was a meditation chamber. Skabb mentioned The Empty Death, something Velcro worships. Its will seems to be what the whispers are.

Time’s getting on so the DM zips us to the boss of the level. There is a pier ahead of us in the river. This is the Shadowed Dock… We have managed to miss several story elements so we don’t know much about the boss here. It’s in charge of getting the farms up and running again. Jorg’ath, having been promised Trayyyysure, charges ahead.

The dock has been recently repaired. Strange shadows on the stonework and a single iron-bound door. Behind is a room filled with mud. Jorg’ath sends Cannon Fodder ahead, and four more little stinkers appear. They say in Gnomish “Don’t open the door, Boss Lady is sleeping!”

Sprocket, in Gnomish: “Go home, I love you.”

He makes a Diplomacy check. Green 36! They take him to one side and say she is sleeping, and crotchety if awakened. "When she asks for tea make it quick and don’t tread mud on her pillows."

The next room is filled with soft furnishings stained with mud.

She is still asleep. Surprise round? Miriam sees some of the cushions float into the air and seem to be cleaning themselves. Sprocket makes an Arcana check. It’s an Unseen Servant spell, originating from the sleeping Naga. Skabb does a Nature check to see what she knows about beasts like this. She and Luna both know that this is a spirit naga, aberration, powerful spellcaster. Poisonous, has blood (Hartvig takes note). They like to form covens but this one is alone. Anyone have any Will debuffs? It has no particular weaknesses. Skabb, looking up from typing this out: “And does it taste better cooked or raw?” Neither but its strongest save is Reflex, weakest is Fortitude. Skabb does a Detect Magic; Invisible Servant is the highest level magic currently active. Steal and stab and bonk then?

We push Luna to the front, but as soon as Miriam enters the room the naga spots her - she wasn’t asleep at all! Lying bitch!!! We leave Mirabelle in there and Jorg’ath shuts the door for the sheer pleasure of booting it open again.

Nadia gets the howdy doodis, after not even a whole round - mostly thanks to Miriam (the DM definitely regrets giving in on this one). Skabb spots a wall hanging hiding a door. She picks the lock herself!

Glittering mass of traaayyyyyysure!

Perception 26 for Skabb; she spots a porcelain teapot tainted with poison. She could clean it (40gp) or harvest the venom. 130gp, 310sp; Augustus sighs, rolls his eyes and opens his mouth. Greater bracers of missile deflection! Wand of Fireball, 3 murderers' knots, a potion of quickness, a javelin of lightning and ten salt water pearls worth 90gp in total.

And we can level up before next week!

[abominationvault]

Session 75: Sat 10 May 2025

So last week Jorg’ath ran headlong into trouble, twice, and we rescued him. Essentially. He set off some mushrooms first, ones we’d been warned about by Haribo, and then disturbed a Froghemoth which tried, succeeded, and then failed to eat him. All we wanted was some Chuul eggs. Still, nobody died, so happy days! We may need to rest with the drow again before we head off.

Jorg’ath finds a storage room. “Boring.” There is fungus-wood, and some tools to shape it. Jorgy tells us about it, and opens the next door. The lock has rusted out. More tools in here, but they’re as rusty as the lock. There is the body of a rust monster, killed long ago. He gets more bored and swan-dives into the lake for chuul eggs.

The water is bubbling - well, it would be, but we’ve killed the Froghemoth that would have been making them. He makes an active Perception check. 21. The water looks deeper to the north, and there is some sort of slimy plant that looks likely for chuul eggs; he investigates. 31! He finds an unguarded nest, and pilfers 3 eggs.

He pops out of the water - and the DM tells him to put himself back where he was. Uh-oh... Oh he’s found a secret door! He finds a mossy, paved corridor, 20 feet long, and turns to the left. He shakes water off the chuul eggs and has a little lizard-bath in the moss.

He goes around the corner. Everything he knows suggests there should be a door here but he can’t see one. He sprints at it - it shakes some debris out, and he can now see the outline of the door.

Cavern and more fungus - he sees something that looks like a medusa, and a stone structure.

Jorg’ath squints at her - she has her hood up and is muttering something unintelligible under her breath. Doesn’t seem to have noticed him.

Nadia wants to ask the drow about the medusa. Haribo tells her the 'something huge' she told us about last week was the froghemoth. They haven’t seen the medusa. Does Haribo know about these types of monsters, Nadia asks? Yes: Will saves are weak, they can see in all directions (hard to sneak up on), Petrifying Gaze has range of 30 feet! Useful. She doesn’t know what the muttering is about.

We don’t fancy that so we have a look at the door behind Katy Perry - who disappears.

Skabb has prepared a Blazing Dive so she pops it off when we see the Ghonhatine (?) behind the door. Nadia and Luna loose their held attacks also. Both miss.

Initiative…

Skabb must make a Fortitude save - the air around the creature absolutely stinks. Hartvig: “Is it soap?” She rolls a 29 and saves, taking no ill effect even though it smells rank. Skabb: “I’m still going to eat it.”

Luna next. Recall Knowledge, but first she might have to make a save against the stinking aura; the DM does some measuring. She does have to make the save… 25? She is Sickened 1. Recall Knowledge: she can tell us it’s an aberration, but not much more. Skabb: “I told you I was gonna eat it!” 26 misses.

Skabb next: she goes for a big bite, but gets her tongue instead. Lightning Bolt! The monster saves. But! It takes half damage!

Jorg’ath goes to town, attacks, attacks, I’m planning Sprocket’s turn in case he isn’t here in time.

Monster next: it gozzes on Jorg’ath; well there’s a turn up for the books. He takes 18 acid damage, and has to make a save versus the stink. It goes for Skabb as well; 28 to hit. “See, I told you I shower sometimes!”

Sprocket next, and he and Luna have just arrived in time. He has to make a Fortitude save: 22. Not high enough; he is Sickened 1. Hero Point 21. He gives it a little bit of a Phase Bolting, but it misses. He and Augustus Move Together and get ready for the next round.

Nadia critically fails her save in spite of her Grit and Tenacity feat, is sickened and slowed 1. She moves out of the aura and repeats her save; a fail. So she invokes her contract! And can roll again - a success! But that’s her turn.

Hartvig next, and he also fails his save. He casts Warrior’s Regret! And copy-pastes the text into the chat, because his spell sheet isn’t working. The monster saves. But! It takes some damage for every creature it intentionally damaged on its turn. He repeats his save but now critically fails so is Slowed 1 and Sickened 1; the DM rules that he’s only still Sickened, as otherwise it’s kind of punishing him for trying again.

Luna has renamed herself Big Lunes in the chat. She fails her save, and then shoots - misses, Hero Point, misses. “Rats.” She tries again and misses. “Sorry, completely useless.”

Skabb casts Ice Storm. “I would like to damage it please.” It makes the save and takes half damage. The area is difficult terrain, which affects the monster but not Skabb as she’s cold resistant!

Jorg’ath wants to know if he can angle his vomit into the monster’s mouth so he doesn’t hit Skabb. Not really. He can aim it so it doesn’t hit her, but it won’t go directly in the monster’s mouth. It saves but takes half damage! 23! Jorgy wants to restrain it for his last action; that will be tough as it’s much bigger than him. He gives it a mild bonking and hits with a 30!

It’s the creature’s turn, so Hartvig’s damage kicks in - oh wait, it kicks in at the end of its turn. It bites the goblin (“Awww! Friend?”), and she gets hit for 26 piercing and 3 persistent acid, then it misses a bite at Jorgy, and then aims its vomit past him at Augustus. It misses, luckily. NOW Hartvig’s damage kicks in! It attacked 3 times, so the DM lets him roll damage for all of them even though it missed two of the attacks. 40! 40 damage! Has he exploded it with its own regret? Not quite but he wins a Hero Point for tactics. Oh and it gets 2 Cold damage from Skabb’s Ice spell.

Sprocketses! Vomiting Skittles as he goes, he will go into the room and cast Timber on the monster.

It has to make a reflex save against the momentary tree that falls on it before decomposing. It makes the save.

Nadia shoots, misses, Hero Point, hits, kills it! She pins it to the wall for Skabb who takes out her crunchiest bug and dips it like a stinky fondue. Anyone who was Sickened recovers.

Skabb scoots into the next room and finds a teleportation circle, and calls for Sprocket while hunting for woodlice. There are all sorts of grubs and beetles among the fungus.

Hartvig assists, as the rest of us are rubbish at magic, and Sprocket opens the Circle. Skabb does some healing.

Jorg’ath finds himself Enfeebled 1 and Drained 1. … Whuh?? Skabb makes a Nature check to diagnose him. He is suffering from Stage 2 of Flesh something. He has contracted it from the creature we just fought, and it will kill him in a really disgusting way in about 5 days if untreated. He saunters up to Hartvig and stares at him. As she watches, a big blue boil starts to pop up on Skabb’s wrist. “Can I share the potion please?”

(Nadia steps back a few paces.)

We take another rest to heal our afflicted party members. I have to manually remove the -3 from being Sickened because Roll20 isn’t doing it automatically, and when I can listen again they are talking about sustaining a gozz attack? I think? Against the Medusa.

Jorg'ath approaches but she isn’t doing the eye thing, just sort of gawping blankly at him. She continues to mutter. He makes a Perception check - 20 - and then a Reflex save. He dodges the tendril that whips at him through the air. It came from a disgusting floating fungus…

Skabb can tell us that it is propelled by bladders that spray air and spores. It ambushes meaty prey from above. Its entire digestive process takes place externally, and it makes its dinner into Sporelings. We need to avoid slashing damage or it’ll unleash an obscuring mist of spores. It’s weak to fire!

Initiative…

The fungus goes first and does a whirlwind of hooks at Nadia, Jorg’ath and Augustus. It crits against Sprocket and Nadia…

Big Lunes goes first, hiding at the start of her turn. 28 hits with her exploding arrow! It takes 28 of her 18 fire damage, and fails its reflex save. And she gets sneak attack! 19 more. Howdly Doodly? Not quite yet. 21 doesn’t hit, neither does a red 8.

Hartvig next, and he will cast Bloodspray Curse on it. “Get Cursed, son.” The DM rules it can spill spores instead of blood, as its description doesn’t say it has no blood. It takes half damage.

Nadia pours a Redpitch bomb into her crossbow and hits for a bunch of damage, and moves out of range of the tentacle attack.

Sprocketses casts Blazing Bolt from his staff, and 5 turned to 15 damage. He uses more actions, for 26 total fire damage. He Acts Together with Augustus and they can both cast Shield.

It’s Scythin’ time! Jorgy crits for 40 damage, which becomes 60 as it’s vulnerable; it does release a cloud of spores, however. He has to roll above a 5 to hit it now - he rolls a 6. I think he killed it? He wins a Hero Point. We got all that extra damage because of Hartvig’s curse, so they both win Hero Points!

We are out of initiative; the medusa has watched all this passively but made no attempt to join in on either side.

Jorg’ath approaches the medusa and greets her, but her expression is still blank. She is standing in front of a door through which Skabb wants to go; she approaches backwards and wants to bunce her out of the way. "With my buttocks." It works, for some reason. The Medusa is muttering in Undercommon, Skabb can hear now that she's close enough. “Stay away from the Master...” We let her crack on and scooch past her. Skabb asks her who her master is, but to no avail.

Jorg’ath finds a door in the big stone structure - he leans against it and it clicks and opens. Behind it is the back of a secret door. “This is the Velcro room, isn’t it?”

He finds a large circular room, with blue lights that go all the way to the top of the lighthouse… “I found the cannon, guys!” He shuts it quietly and we investigate the Medusa door first.

Sprocket does a little stabby stab for Nardz before we move on, and Hartvig does her a Heal as well.

Skabb opens the Medusa door, the air smells sweet. Crawling among the vines on the ceiling is a Nilith:

It smiles at Skabb with its nasty teeth and says “Come in! Welcome to my garden.” She prepares a bottle of air, and Jorg’ath holds his breath.

“When I came to my garden, it was linked to a nasty bog from below.” It has since sealed that off. It comes from the realm of dreams, it says. What brings us here? Skabb says she’s looking for a friend. She seems to have brought several with her, it remarks. Skabb, uncertainly: “Hmm…”

Did the murmur not stop us from coming in? No, she’s not at her best at the moment. Why is it here?

Nadia feels something distantly probing at her mind. “Stop it! Stop it now! Are you doing this? Get out of my head!” she shouts at the Nilith. She starts scrabbling at her head. Luna feels a similar sensation.

Right now the Nilith says he is gardening. Skabb hears it in her head, warning her to leave now and not return. It would rather not tangle with us.

It’s been in all of our heads and found us all lacking except Skabb who has high Intelligence. She asks if she can examine some of its flowers as she wants to get into Herbalism? It attacks her and tries to Mind Crush her. She makes a Will Save: 20 Hero Point 15. 52 Mental damage.

“I warned you.”

Initiative…

Skabb is now at 2 hit points, and has been Grabbed by the Nilith. Fun! Let’s go!

Nadia uses Ten Paces, adding two to her initiative roll. Luna goes first, and army crawls through the nearby mushrooms and does a Recall Knowledge, but she knows nothing about skin-sloths. She shoots it anyway, but misses.

Skabb next. She’s having a nice little cuddle, albeit somewhat sticky, can she drink a potion? Yes, if she is wearing it. She also wants to waltz the Nilith around the floor, but it is clinging to the vines from the ceiling. She can’t bite it either as it’s holding her by the ears. She Recalls Knowledge: They feed off emotions and flesh of the living; they love to torment sapient creatures. It murders its prey after torturing it for fun. Aberration, 30 ft telepathy, resistant to mental and physical except silver, weakest save is Fortitude. Also a powerful occult spellcaster. She tries to wriggle free with an action, and wants to fart in its face for a free action. She rolls a natural 1.

“Shoot the cunt with silver!” She shouts. “Avenge me!”

Sprocket, with this new information, can do nothing he wouldn’t have done anyway as he has no silver weapons. Instead he and Augustus Act Together, and Summons the bone snake! He wins a Hero Point for good tactics, as he summons it to flank the Nilith with Skabb. The snake gets two actions, using the first to bite but it misses. (21.) Augustus with his one action will enter the fray. The bone snake tries again but misses.

Nadia switches her ammunition to silver and shoots the thing with Alkonost. Even a 29 misses… He’s really pissed her off after rootling around in her head. He has discarded her as an option of interest as she is merely a free range dumdum; He’s right, she won’t argue that, but he’s annoyed her.

It Mind Crushes Skabb again and drops her broken body on the floor, then turns to the dummy-dumdums. It then casts Blink. It is now flickering between this world and the ethereal one and has Resistance 5 to all damage except Force.

Jorg’ath would like to gozz all over it; music to Hartvig’s ears. DM: “Perverts, eh??”

36 damage but it rolls a 31 Reflex save and takes half, but it’s force damage so it’s not resistant! He has a silver coated scythe so he whips that out as well, misses, Hero Point, 30 just hits. It takes all 7 force, removes 5 from the rest for the Blink but not for the silver.

Hartvig Heals Skabb! He has an action left but is reluctant to use Guidance because we always forget to use it. He does it anyway on Big Lunes.

She has a quiver of silver arrows in amongst the other quivers of arrows in her bag. She can’t hide as it knows where she is, but she will get Sneak Attack as it’s flanked. She tries another Recall Knowledge, as if she succeeds she can do precision damage. She succeeds! She can tell us that it will flee if wounded enough, and it’s only here for some sadistic fun with the natives. Of which it is one, so it lied about being from the dream world. If you can't trust a nasty flesh sloth who can you trust, eh? She shoots, but 26 misses. Even with Guidance. She Hero points and crits!

Persistent bleed damage doesn’t stack, but she’s increased it to 6 instead of 3. 68 damage total, whew. She licks the back of her hand and cleans her ear.

Newly resurrected Jesus Skabbins considers her wand of Magic Missile, but thinks the damage is shit. “I really wanna bite the cunt, you know?” She wants to continue her smorgasbord of aberrations. (Hero Point awarded for this phrasing.) She does the wand thing.

Sprocket must sustain the bone snake with an action, and then use Act Together so he can fire his Force Barrage wand “at a two-action majigger”. Howdy Doodis!

The Nilith erupts in a perfect shower that lands in Skabb’s open mouth. Now she can have all the flowers for her pocions!

(Couldn't find a 'pocion' gif.)

We all hear an un-stupefying noise and the Medusa becomes aware - she remains non-hostile, fortunately.

Next week I’m back in the Shire! No game Saturday as we’re all going out, but there will be some IRL Pathfinder the week after…

[abominationvault]

Session 74 Sat May 3 2025

No Luna or Sprocket as it's Luna's birthday, happy birthday Luna!

In other news, let’s not get into who did or didn’t steal the otter from the pub 15 years ago. Moving on.

The drow will put in a good word for us on the lower level? I think? Also we need to find some eggs. Chuul eggs! That was it. Haribo told us she will escort us down to the next level where there is a drow outpost. The leader (I don’t catch her name) may have some use for us, once we’ve taken care of everything we need to do up here.

We have a little rest with the drow, Nadia makes some ammunition and redpitch bombs, and Skabb takes off all her spells and replaces them with Heal, and we are ready to fight some wisps! While we’re still with the drow, they point out some water where we might find some Chuul eggs; Jorg’ath holds his breath and goes for it, past the poisonous mushrooms. One of them is a Dragon’s Blood Puffball:

They detach from the mushrooms they’re sitting in and float over to try and eat him. Initiative!

We discuss potential party names while the DM sets up the combat; Jorg’ath wants Rico’s Roughnecks, but we don’t have anyone called Rico or any roughnecks. He measures out the ‘Gozz’ template while we discuss.

We see an arrow hit the first puffball; it staggers the mushroom more than we thought it would. “Pierce the mushrooms!” Jorg’ath shouts to the rest of us.

Hartvig rolls 17 damage with Needle Darts, and it takes 27! The drow warn us not to be near them when they die; Hartvig takes a few steps back. I forgot to roll initiative for Sprocket, and Jorg’ath forgot for Luna so we do that now, and the DM retcons the Puffball’s movement as Luna went first.

She misses, Hero Point, misses again. That was 2 Nat 1’s in a row; the DM got this batch of Hero Points off the back of a lorry, clearly.

It attacks Sprocket, and then Sprocket, and crits, and then the other one attacks Sprocket, and he goes down…

Jorg’ath’s turn. He wants to grab one of the puffballs and throw it away from his friends; he wins a Hero Point for out of the box thinking. Grapple check, contested. Does he want to know its Fortitude DC before he rolls? “Never.”

He grabs it but cannot throw it; he is able to move it a little bit. He’s out of actions to grab the other one with his other hand.

Skabb’s turn, and she would like to Electric Arc them both please. One saves, the other fails, and then she whips out her sling. 25 is a hit.

Sprocket rolls a death save; a 6… Skabb suggests letting him die and bringing him back as undead.

Then the DM plays Pathfinder by himself for a bit, as one of the drow comes to our aid. She crits! and drags Sprocket’s lifeless body to safety. One of the puffballs explodes, with Jorg’ath in melee range. 31 poison damage… If he’s holding his breath will he still be poisoned? Yes, unfortunately, and it’ll get Skabb as well. They get a saving throw, both fail.

Nadia shoots and hits twice, making sure it took the extra damage.

Haribo comes over, looking confused, and isn’t sure where to pour the healing potion so she tips it over Sprocket's head; he pops back with 11 HP and Wounded 1. She shoots the puffball as well, and we’re back to the top of the round.

The other drow crits with his crossbow, doing 50 damage!

Hartvig next. “Yeeees, Needles!” He crits!! 60 damage! He wins a Hero Point, that was incredible. The puffball explodes. Jorg’ath wants to dive in front of Skabb, Get Down Mister President style. They both still make their saves; the DM lowers Skabb’s DC and Jorgy protects her with a 35. He takes half damage, and she takes none. She squishes her best slug into his mouth as thanks.

Jorg’ath: “Right, where were we?” He strolls off as if nothing has happened.

He peers into the water; it’s very murky. It seems still on the surface. He finds a store room, seems to be gnomish make. He thinks the Children of Velcro may have made this when they were still gnomes. Fishing gear, in here, and skeletons. He plunges his head in the water. DM: “Okay. Would you like to roll initiative please?”

It’s big, like 9 squares. Froghemoth???

I request that Sprocket has done some Risky Surgery while Jorg’ath was exploring; it is granted, and he regains 15HP.

Jorg’ath rolls initiative; the froghemoth goes first. Skabb: “Farewell, sweet Jorg’ath.” All we hear is a wet slap and a grunt as he takes 24 piercing damage by attacking with its tongue. Then it tries to retract the tongue and drag him in…

It crit-fails that, fortunately. “Guys, there’s a thing here, it’s big…”

We sigh and make our way over.

First things first, Jorgy gozzes on him; the thing smells so bad, that this is easier than usual and he doesn’t even have to jam his fist down his throat. It rolls good on its save and takes no damage. Dismayed: “… But that was my best gozz!”

He wants to use his Water Sprint to encircle it with its own tongue as he runs around it. DM: “Or it could just turn with you. Wheeeeee!”

He opts to cut its tongue off instead. 21 doesn’t quite do it.

The rest of us roll and join in. Nadia goes first, runs up to get in range and biffs it. Sorry.

Sprocket re-summons Augustus, who starts barrelling very slowly toward the action.

Skabb charges over on her goblin-dog, but can’t get there with enough actions left to Heal Jorgy.

The froghemoth goes next and swallows our barbarian… He takes an initial 22 bludgeoning damage. “See you later, guys.”

The froghemoth moves toward its next tasty snack, the goblin. Well if that isn’t a role reversal.

It’s Jorg’ath’s turn - he can attack from inside the froghemoth with unarmed attacks. Claws - 16 misses. Also he’s Slowed 1 so he can only take 2 actions. The breathing thing is OK as far as he’s concerned, however. On the plus side, it’s only got 265 hit points. On the actual plus side, if we do more than 24 piercing or slashing damage to it, it will puke Jorgy back up.

Luna does some stuff I miss because I’m planning Sprocket’s turn. Hartvig too.

Nadia does a Recall Knowledge: she knows nothing, so she shoots instead.

Sprocket sends Augustus toward the creature, with a plan for next round if they survive until then.

Skabb goes Skabbasaurus Rex! She presents herself on a platter for the nomming, and wonders if she can wink and blow the monster a kiss. “That is all!”

It attacks Augustus instead, and takes out the Summoner and his Summon. Well, there goes the cool shit I was gonna do; the DM can explain this to Real Sprocket next week.

Jorg’ath wants to Athletics his way out of the monster; he has a try. He would have to roll a nat 20 or a 35, so he retcons and gets a green 34 for his attack instead! It takes 21 damage, which is still short of what it would take to rupture it and let him escape. He does manage to Slow it as a crit effect though! It hits him, and he is now down to 2hp…

One of the drow goes next, but misses all his attacks. Luna next. Red 18 to hit. 23 is still a miss, as is 22.

Hartvig next. He moves closer so he can “at least retrieve Jorg’ath’s body.” 35 with Needle Darts hits for 15 damage.

Nadia moves, gives Sprocket a potion, and reloads her crossbow. Sprocket tries a recall knowledge and takes a couple of potions by himself.

Skabb wants to reach a t rex arm down the monster’s throat and retrieve her friend, but she is not allowed; she bites it instead for 11 piercing damage.

The DM will rule that the Froghemoth will use its jaws to bite at Skabbasaurus - 30 hits for 32 piercing. Jorg’ath goes down; his vision clouds with butterflies - he feels himself being vomited out. His blessing of Desna activates and She steps in to save him! He must remove his Blessing, however.

The drow shoots a bit.

Luna Recalls Knowledge so she can get some extra stabby goodness. She fails, but the DM will tell her that she thinks it might be a matter of Occultism, which is why Nadia and Sprocket failed their rolls as well.

27 misses, but 31 hits!

Hartvig next. He steps forward to do a Heal on Jorg’ath, giving him 47 HP back. Sprocket summons Katy Perry, and has her run toward Jorg’ath.

Skabb is at 0HP, I must have missed all that. Katy Perry will change tactics in that case.

Haribo manages to keep the monster flat-footed, but doesn’t hit with the follow up.

It moves and attacks Hartvig, in spite of Katy Perry being right there and looking absolutely delicious. It crits against him. 91 damage and he’s down.

Jorg’ath, newly alive, picks up the goblin and feeds her a juicy potion. 17 HP back for her, and he moves back into flanking position. “Off I go.”

Hartvig: “If you kill it, you have to say ‘flank you very much’.” 37 is one off a crit, fuck sake. Jorgy says the line anyway.

The drow crits! 38 damage. Then crits again! 42 more damage, and because both attacks hit, it gets persistent bleed damage. Noice.

Luna. Big Lunes gonna do some Big Damage.

Some stuff happens.

Katy Perry Heals Hartvig!

Nadia grabs Sprocket and runs closer with him; he re-summons Augustus again.

Skabb wants to shove the creature off the bridge it’s standing on - 36 Athletics! “Get in the pit, you ‘orrible bastard!” This does mean she can’t eat it, but in this instance she’ll sacrifice a good meal for the sake of her friends. Character growth? It bursts with a wet slap when it hits the deck below.

We do some healing, and Haribo points out a door behind Jorgy. There’s another big thing hanging around there, her scouts report.

Right I think that was quite enough for one week!

[abominationvault]

Session 73: Sat 26 Apr 2025

Well we saw Velcro’s ghost last week, and got battered by some caligni dude who sucked. Padme! That’s the bugger. Skabb is Sickened 2 for some reason (didn’t know she could even BE sickened). Sprocket and Luna are baby wrestling and will be a bit late.

Everyone has been playing Oblivion this week! Well, everyone apart from Hartvig who doesn’t have the required hardware yet. He’s working on it. Overall verdict: HELL yes. Alright Todd, we’ll give you this one. You done good.

Skabb: “Can I recover from Sickened, or do I have to visit a healy-type-person?”

DM: “You can’t willingly ingest anything while you’re Sickened, but you can take an action to retch and - ”

Skabb, cutting him off: “Okay!” She uses Jorg’ath’s tail as a vomiting wand.

Bit of healing and we move on. The next door reveals a person lying on the floor pretending to be dead.

Skabb thinks he looks delicious. “Coo-ee!”

He turns around and tells her, “I’ll rip off your head and shit down your neck.” He’s speaking in Undercommon.

He sizes Jorg’ath up, decides against it, and presses himself into a corner, muttering. Curfel? Curfal? He mentions drinking blood, ours and the calignis.

Jorg’ath whispers to Skabb in Goblin. “Kill him? Question mark?”

“No. No killing.”

“Sad face.”

Jorg’ath goes for a grapple instead. Skabb resists the urge to run out the door and lock it behind her.

Up close, the urdefhan warrior stinks. Jorg'ath holds him up to Skabb, and he immediately bites her. 19 misses.

He continues to mutter about drinking our blood and chewing up our eyeballs. Skabb tries to get him to tell her why he’s so grumpy, but he refuses. She stops caring and leaves, but the turn order appears. Jorg’ath calls to the rest of us that he’s got this one, so we settle in to watch - or listen, really, as he closes the door.

He goes for an unarmed fist, backhanding him, then gives him a good bonk or two. It returns with a Ray of Enfeeblement, but 25 misses. The DM decides to make Jorgy roll the save instead, and he fails. Then it crit hits him with a bite, dealing 33 damage.

Jorg’ath hits him with his scythe and kills him, while Sprocket stabs himself to wellness in the next room. Jorgy gets hit with a Necrotic Decay attack but shrugs it off. He emerges from the room and drops the warrior’s tongue at Skabb’s feet; she opens her gullet and swallows it whole. Not even a thank you.

Sprocket stabs Jorg’ath some hit points back, and Skabb slaps some mud in the wounds as well.

Skabb does another retch. Hartvig: “You’ll lose the tongue!” Skabb: “That’s alright, that means I get to eat it again.” Disgusted noises all around.

We move on.

Jorg’ath forges ahead, opens a door and says “Oh shit!”

He’s found some bedrolls and a desk. He takes a look at the papers on the desk, but doesn’t speak Undercommon. Only Skabb does; “Oh fine.” She vomits on us all in protest of having to read nasty wordses.

Something about a cult of Urtheghal? (sp?) and a map of this layer of the dungeon. Lobster-shapes in the water by the dock, angry ball shapes (?) along the corridor to the north (we haven’t been there yet) and the blocked off gate is marked with a skull and crossbones.

Skabb relays as much as she can before needing to vomit again, and tells us what it all says so one of us can make a translated copy. We recall knowledge on the Urtheghal cult, but none of us have heard of it. Skabb has Grabby Cat communicate with their patron, but the message comes back that it’s a mystery to them as well.

Skabb roots through the junk in the room for stuff or bugs, but only finds more wordses.

Moving on! “Oh no,” says Jorg’ath and then, “This guy looks fuckin cool.”

There’s a caligni woman smiling at him from the corner.

“And who’s this pretty boy?”

That is Owb.

“Hello, nice helmet,” Jorg’ath says to Dulac, who is now known as the Custodian apparently. What does she Custode? The followers. We’ve slaughtered a lot of them, whoops. Jorg’ath smiles at her.

She proposes we work together. We’ve come from above, yes? Yep. Would we care to join her? Let’s return to the sacred chamber. She pushes past us, and Owb follows her.

Skabb, Sprocket and Hartvig notice that Owb seems to be feeding off her in some way.

She will put in a good word with her brethren further down, if we’re heading that way. If we are her allies we can rest here, and she can grant us safe passage through the caligni territory lower down. And in return?

First, she wants more Chuul eggs to sacrifice, second, that witch lower down has stationed will o wisps on the edge of her territory that she wants destroyed.

Jorg’ath is reluctant, as he has befriended a Chuul. Skabb wants to know what the cult thing is; Jorg’ath and Sprocket make Diplomacy checks. Urtthegul is a seer, granted visions. His cave is to the north east. So he’s not a deity, just a dude.

Is there any wiggle room on the chuul eggs? Jorg’ath is prepared to help with the wisps, but he won’t hurt any eggs. Was it a specific chuul that he befriended? If so there are more chuuls in a different body of water, we can gather eggs from there instead. Skabb wants to know if she is being honest; Nadia thinks so. (17 Perception)

Dulac marks us as Allies magically, once Jorg’ath agrees, and gives him a key. It opens the door the other side of the room where we found her. She warns us to lock the door behind us; there’s dangerous fungus and also a giant spider.

The wisps are behind the door to the north in this room. They are linked to Velcro and she can see through their eyes.

Jorg’ath gives her a big thumbs up.

There are drow as well as spiders, Dulac warns us. Hartvig is surprised that drow are allowed in here, from an IP perspective if nothing else.

Coffee break! Then we move on.

We find the fungus first. Oh wait - no, the room is full of webs? With bodies wrapped in them. And fungus. The consensus is to set the whole lot alight; we discuss strategy. Jorg’ath investigates the bodies. They could be animals or people, he’s not sure. He stomps on the ground in hopes of disturbing the webs to see if anything will come out and attack us.

The vibrations spread out, but nothing happens. “… Cowards.”

He sees a person; she makes eye contact with him and disappears back around the door. Then this appears in the chat:

It appears on the map but then disappears again; I miss it but it was fuckin’ HUGE. It came down at a bit of silk, bit Grabby, and fucked off again. Jorg’ath says it looked like it was eating a Pegasus.

It descends again OH SHIT

It bites Jorg’ath. “That’s done me some piercing damage, that.” He has to make a Fortitude save. Crit success!

It scurries back up the silk - Jorg’ath wants to grab onto it like an action hero dangling under a helicopter, but the DM nixes that. It is going to keep doing this fly-by attack while it thinks we look weak. Jorg’ath: “… Hang on, did it think I looked weak?? That hurts me more than the piercing damage.”

Skabb turns Skabbasaurus Rex! She readies a bite attack. Nadia presses herself against a wall, while Grabby gets attacked again and disappears into the ether, calling us all cunts as she goes. The spider descends again, and we roll initiative…

It shoots its web at Luna but misses, then spits some at Jorg’ath - “It’s critically webbed me!” He is restrained and tethered to the spider. Escape DC is 30. It moves, and drags Jorgy with it. It drags him in, but has no actions left to bite him.

His head is free, yes? Yes. “Great. It’s getting fuckin gozzed on.” Instead of trying to escape he gives it the stink-eye, and goes for an Intimidate after the gozzin'. Hog-tied as he is, he is not exactly intimidating; 17 HP 16.

Hartvig casts Blood Spray Curse, possibly the baddest-assed named spell in the universe. DM, reading the description: “… That’s disgusting.”

It crit succeeds the save. “I’ll just mark off that spell slot then. Moving on.”

Sprocket and Augustus move together, and Sprocket uses his staff to cast Blazing Bolt, but 24 misses. “[Sprocket] was covering his eyes, so.” Augustus thumps it in the mouth. 28 misses, to general horror.

Luna next. “Maybe we should retreat.” She dives under a mushroom and attacks the spider with her dagger. She crits, cutting the silk binding Jorg’ath and freeing him. She stabs it in the foot, misses, is awarded a Hero Point for rescuing the tank, uses it immediately and misses again. We’re doing so good, you guys!

Skabbasaurus bites it, 18 misses, Hero Point 28. Misses.

Nadia shoots three times, hits once! Deciding there are enough of her allies in melee, she uses her last action to attack rather than press against the wall. She is rewarded by the spider climbing up its silk, moving across the ceiling and biting her; it crits, leaving her with 8 hit points, but she crits her save against the venom and is immune for 1 minute, or ten rounds. “I don’t think I’ll be alive in ten rounds, but thanks!”

Jorg’ath goes after the spider and attacks, hitting for 14 damage, and jumps on its back. He aces the contested roll. “Yeehaw!” He wins a Hero point for ingenuity.

Hartvig next. He sidles up behind it and casts Warrior’s Regret at level 4! It makes a Will save, DC 26: 36. Hartvig: “… Okay.”

Notes will be minimal for a bit as I’m panicking. Sprocket does a spell from his staff and Augustus does a big punch in its tummy.

Luna shoots - it is flanked. Sprocket: "Maybe you should do a Recall Knowledge first so you can so an extra d6 of damage." Luna: "Good idea. I would like to do a Recall Knowledge first so I can do an extra d6 of damage." She does a Recall Knowledge first so she can do an extra d6 of damage. It is a creature, no weaknesses or immunities, has a venom that gets progressively worse and can cause paralysis. Weakest save is Will.

Skabb Dino pulls out her wand even though she’s not supposed to, and casts Force Barrage, purely because the DM finds the image amusing.

Nadia slams a potion and runs away; she spots a drow through a gap in the stones blocking the corridor where she is taking cover. She raises her crossbow and shoots at in panic. She misses, and the drow hisses something at her but makes no attempt to join the initiative. She takes a free action to mouth “sorry!” She wins a Hero Point for lady-balls in shooting at the drow. "Me and all eight of my hit points were panicking."

I miss what happens next, I think Hartvig got hit and went down?? He took 80-something damage??? Holy shit.

Jorg’ath attacks with his blood gorger scythe. He wants to spread his body across the spider’s eyes, but is warned not to get too close to the business end. He decides to investigate the feet end instead. He wants to use his Lightnng Tongue to blind it with his acrid spit; DM: “That would be a no.” “Fine, I’ll slash at it instead.”

Hartvig makes a death save; a 3. He is now Dying 2. (Jorg’ath warns the DM that if Hartvig dies, he, Jorg'ath, won’t play any more.)

Sprocket sees this, and Acts Together with Augustus. He then summons Katy Perry! Hurray! She does a 2 action Heal on Hartvig. Sprocket wins a Hero Point for saving a teammate, and Hartvig pops up with 14 hit points. "I'm Wounded 2 though, right?" “Better than Dead 9,” Sprocket tells him. Augustus punches, misses, Hero Point, misses again.

Luna next. “It needs deadin’,” Sprocket tells her as she examines her character sheet, flipping through her thousands of items for one that might help. She finds an explosive arrow! She misses even with a Hero Point (and the DM kindly allows Jorg’ath a reaction to jump off the spider’s back first; he accepts), but the DM rules that it does not explode and if we kill the spider she can retrieve it.

Skabb’s wand goes off and then she returns to her normal form. She casts Lighning Bolt - the spider fails the save! She goes for a sling attack. 28 hits now, as it’s flanked! She wins a Hero Point.

Nadia shoots but misses, and the spider scurries back up to the ceiling and into her crevice. Skabb, aghast: “No! I wanted to eat her legs!” The spider has left behind a puddle of congealing blood; it is greenish brown. Skabb reckons she could dip a slug in that.

A drow appears and points at the door near Nadia and she hears a bolt slide out of its housing. She opens it and is face to face with a drow.

Before anything else happens we do some healing.

The drow’s elven isn’t great, but she introduces herself. She her name is Iribo. She is impressed that we almost killed The Great One. Nadia asks if they teamed up with us, could we kill it? Possibly. The drow invites us all into their place so we can heal in safety. They offer us some ammunition as well if we need it.

Nadia asks about the spider; is there anything they know of that works against her? They kind of use her as a deterrent; this is an outpost and the big spider keeps others away. One of the other drow disagrees - the spider has eaten two of their scouts already and he thinks she needs to be killed. They were going to send for backup. Jorg’ath: “Well you found it, bay-bee!”

We do a bit more healing, and Jorg’ath takes control of the plan of attack, directing the drow troops as he thinks will best support us.

Iribo motions Nadia to follow her out to the balcony. Nadia follows. Iribo points through the transparent stone at one of the patches of fungus; she warns us to stay away from it. Nadia points it out to the others. We position ourselves and get ready for the spider.

Jorg’ath looks back at all of us. “Upon my command. Unleash Hell!”

He runs up to the area under the spider’s lair, and she pops from her hidey hole and descends. We pop off a few held attacks and kill her! Skabb, who had to vomit up a perfectly good tongue earlier, sets to with gusto. Every ten minutes or so she has to come out and lie on its shell and sweat for a bit before she goes back in.

All of the drow look very happy except Haribo, who looks sad. Nadia turns to the drow. “So. Party round yours then?”

We call it there.

[abominationvault]

Session 72: Sat 19 Apr 2025

We cleared out the wisps last week, and find ourselves in a small room. Nadia takes a look at the door on the other side of the room - she spots what looks like a secret door on the far end of the corridor beyond. The corridor continues around to the right past it.

Everyone with darkvision sees everything go black for a second, and then resets…? Luna has a look at the door but it is locked. Jorg’ath remembers that Skabb had a key that might work. Luna says the door is sealed rather than locked and there is no lock to pick; there is a concave indentation, that looks designed to accept something. Jorg’ath presses his fist in, but nothing happens. We try various other things, but Skabb’s faithful steed doesn’t work and neither does Sprocket. “Get your goddamn hands off me!”

We all make Will saves… even Jorg’ath’s 32 is a fail. Nadia uses her new feat to turn her 18 into a 33! Which is only just a success so she will take half damage. Aw man.

Something has come floating through the wall at the entrance end of this room:

It’s fucking Velcro’s ghost!!!! She screams at us to get out and we take our damage. Those who crit-failed take 60 damage, fails take 30, and Nadia takes 15. Those who failed begin to hallucinate that they’re at sea; even Nadia can only just make out that this doesn’t quite feel real. Skabb starts trying to bite the sharks that we see swimming below us in the water. Darkness above and darkness below, and fins around us. We believe we are drowning at sea…

The critical failers have to make another Will save.

Jorg’ath can hold his breath indefinitely so he’s not as afraid. Nadia realises she can put her feet on the floor - and for her, the vision fades. The others remain thrashing in the air.

Nadia flings a Greater Redpitch bomb at her; it explodes (critical!) but does no damage. Velcro looks at her and draws a finger across her throat, and vanishes back through the wall with an “I will not warn you again.”

The water disappears and the party fall splat on the floor.

Skabb is fucking furious; there were delicious-looking sharks all around her and they’ve suddenly gone.

Augustus picks Sprocket up and strokes his tummy. If he could look worried, he would. Sprocket is only stunned, and will be fine in a moment.

Skabb asks Nadia to explain what happened, so Nadia tells her. Velcro, or this version of her, is undead - incorporeal type.

We push on down the way we were going, after some wellness-stabbing from Sprocket, who vomits skittles when he comes around from his swoon. He runs around the circle of us with his none-too-clean scalpel at shin height. Hartvig does some magical healing as well.

Luna tells us that we need whatever object fits in the indentation in order to open the door. The party rolls flat D20s, and Nadia rolls a Crafting check, 32. She thinks it might be a focusing lens from the lighthouse that fits in there.

Sprocket: “But we’ve been going down. Traditionally lighthouses go up.”

We go down the corridor anyway and go past the door and look up the stairs; they would take us back up to the previous level.

Sprocket wants to know if there’s anything about Velcro in any of the books in Augustus’ tummy; the DM will let him know for next week.

Jorg’ath goes back to the first door and out, then to the south; he smells something fungus-y. Skabb leans past him for a big huff of the smell and makes a Nature check. (Something something Gwyneth Paltrow vagina candle.)

She thinks it’s a fungus, and a local one. Will it get in our lungs? No, because it’s been burnt. Jorg’ath has a look for traps, which he does begrudgingly. He spots no tripwires or other traps. Bosh! A thing!

Very smelly copper cauldron and some dudes holding purple eggs. (J: “Hippies!”) Six heads turn to look at us; we have interrupted their prayer and they are angry. Initiative!

Luna tells us these are called Caligni. When you kill them they explode into darkness that can extinguish magical light sources, but do no damage. They are humanoids and can do sneak attack damage. She tells us all of this while drawing her bow and shooting the first one in the face.

Sprocket goes AFK so we, by committee, have him and Augustus Act Together and Boost Eidolon for some punchin’ damage.

Skabb crouches down behind Jorg’ath and shoots a lightning bolt behind his legs, being as she is, certain that all his quote “sex stuff” is internal. The caligni saves. Jorg’ath doesn’t need to make a save so she must have been right about the sex stuff.

Hartvig is back from having router problems, but is stuck at the back of the queue. He elbows his way around the corner so he can see, casts Spiritual Armament, enunciates it too clearly and his audio cuts out. It misses. It’s sustainable though so he can have another go next round.

Nadia wants to know how ropey the caligni is looking; the DM tells her she can't quite see but if she can phrase it as a question in ten words or less, she can ask Skabb. “How dead does he look?” About a third dead. She shoots with Alkonost and hits twice for 19 total damage.

Jorg’ath has done some measuring; he thinks he can get four of them with a great big gozz. He dusts off his forearms, spits on his hand and rams it straight down his throat. Direct quote there. He has a proper laptop now and uses the gozzin’ template to do a little green gozzy effect. DC24: two successes and two failures. 30 damage to the fails and 15 to the successes. He takes out his shortbow for his last action and hits one with an arrow as well for good measure.

One of the caligni explodes into an inky blob, engulfing Augustus.

The closest one runs up and slices at Jorg’ath with its shortswords. It misses twice. Another runs up to Augustus, unaffected by the darkness, and hits him for 10 damage. Another does the same and Augustus makes the save, becoming immune to the Caligni’s poison.

Another attacks Jorg’ath again; he also makes his save and becomes immune, to the DM’s annoyance.

Luna, by the light of a glowing lizard, shoots at the enemy again. 34 crits! Howdydoodis! It explodes into darkness, blinding Jorg’ath. Skabb cannot see past him. Luna has two more actions, but now cannot see through the inky blackness, but she wants to shoot blind. Flat check DC11: a 2. Ooooh, shit. She hides for her third action.

Sprocket is next. The darkness around Augustus is still present so he has to make a DC5 flat check (as he is in melee; Luna was attacking at range). Sprocket casts Boost Eidolon again and Augustus crits! Howdy Doodis! Double fist-slams him into the ground, and the darkness is re-upped. Augustus turns to the one behind him, and rolls another flat check: 9, which is a fail as it is completely obscured and not merely hidden.

Skabbinge is next. She can’t do a Blazing Dive which makes her sad. We protest and the DM lets her! “Fire!” she cries joyfully, streaking through the air and landing behind the caligni next to Gusty. She checks out the eggs: they are Chuul eggs. She wants to take them and hatch them, and is overruled by the DM. Booh. Apparently they’re being cooked so it’s not likely anything has survived.

Hartvig moves forward through the darkness, but must make a flat check to use his Spiritual Armament - he succeeds! 32 hits for 10 damage. “I wield my mighty weapon! It’s a toffee hammer.” He fails the second flat check. Then he rolls his crit damage and gets a Howdy Doodis! “Yes I got one!!!” He hammers it into the ground like a tent peg. More darkness. He uses his last action to move out of it.

Nadia moves forward and shoots wildly into the darkness, and though she makes the flat check, she misses with the attack. She reloads for the next round if there is one.

Jorgy crits his flat check (“I see everything!”) and does a new feat: Disarming Assault. (Sprocket, giggling: “you punch him so hard he comes out of his shoes.”) Crits crits everywhere and Jorgy rips the last Caligni’s arms out of its sockets. More darkness, but we’ve won. DM: “You’ve got an action left, I believe?”

…?

Jorg’ath looks wildly around but is still in darkness so he readies an attack with his shortbow for anything he sees moving. He amends this to 'anything enemy-shaped', after the DM points out that ‘anything moving’ could be one of his friends.

More caligni start rolling attacks. They miss, and one tries to tumble past Nadia - it crits. She flails out with her foot (for flavour), but the caligni has found himself face to face with Luna.

It’s her turn so she stabs him - and hits, doing sneak attack damage as well. She goes again - Howdydoodis!

The ink thins and fades, and we can all see again, and the fight is over.

There is the brazier with the eggs in it and some other stuff I don’t catch. There are chunks of mushroom roasting on the fire underneath. Before the DM finishes telling us if they smell delicious or not, Skabb cuts him off: “I eat one.”

Jorg’ath opens a door to find some phosphorescent plants in what looks like a store room. He and Skabb could eat these, but would make the rest of us sick. He wants to weave some of them into glowing crowns for us; Nadia assists and crits. She just points out what he might do, and lets him do it himself.

Jorg’ath also spotted 3 amethysts worth 20gp each; Luna and Nadia see the outline of a door. Luna opens it and finds a corridor. She goes down it, checking for traps as she goes (none). There is a staircase leading down.

She comes back so we can check out the rest of the doors in here. Jorg’ath opens the one to the south and goes down the corridor beyond; there are doors to the left and right. He hears the clinking of glasses and contented mutterings from the one on the right. Luna: “It’s a pub! Let’s go!”

We ready attacks, and Jorg’ath opens the door - it’s pushed shut again. More caligni. “Begone, unclean ones!” Jorgy kicks it open again. Initiative!

Nadia looses her crossbow at one - there is a handout. It’s called a Padli, or that might be his name. Jorg’ath does another gozz on it as well.

Padme goes first, casting Paralyse on Jorg’ath. The DC shows up as 10; we immediately petition the DM for that to stand, but he refuses; it’s actually 28. Jorgy rolls a 26, Hero Point, crits! Padme now shoots his wand of definitely-not-Magic-Missile, doing 6 damage to Jorg’ath. “Oh no. So much pain. I will never go on.”

Augustus barrels into the room and takes hold of Padme and flings him at the other caligni. He fails the athletics check and doesn’t move him, but wins a hero point for being inventive.

Luna is way back and can’t see anything. She slithers along the floor and gets herself into the room. “Smash!” with her rapier. 15 damage, nice.

One of the caligni goes up to the door and tries to slash at Nadia round the corner. 24 damage but she makes her Fortitude saves. The other attacks Jorgy but misses.

Jorgy shoves the one in front of him into the room, school-bully-ing him out of the way. Then he goes for a Disarming Assault, and knocks one of his shortswords out of his hand. He turns to Padme with his scythe and hits - forcing him to drop his wand.

Nadia stabs one of the caligni with her bayonet, critting and killing him. He gets stuck on her bayonet, so she shoots at Padme, critting again! She uses the rest of her turn to shake the first guy off the bayonet.

Hartvig casts Spiritual Armament and crits! Look at this guy, regular battlemage today! Celebratory drinks are gonna be fuckin’ lit.

Skabbins moves forward and tries to grab Gimli’s wand, that Jorg’ath made him drop. She’s got so many wands now, she needs a Nadia-style repeating crossbow or something. She makes a scurrying check to grab it on her way past. He stamps on her hand! She bites his ankle but misses and gets a mouthful of leather boot. She farts as a free action.

Gimli goes for the wand, and everyone close enough wants to stamp on his hand; the DM allows Skabb to try. He makes the save against her DC, but pulls away a hand covered in quote “oily fart”. The wand goes off for 8 more damage to Jorgy. Gimli/Padme then casts Phantom Pain at Skabb, and she fails her save. She’s not rolling very well today; “I think I might just stand in a corner.” She is Sickened 2, and takes some mental damage as well. The DM describes it as drinking sterilisation fluid; it’s made a clean spot in Skabb. She is disgusted. Hartvig: “He’s cast ‘smoothie’ on you.”

Augustus and Sprocket next. Sprocket casts Boost Eidolon, and Augustus does some punchin’. 29 for 15 plus 4 damage to Gimli, 20 misses, 17 also misses.

Luna biffs her next attack even with a Hero Point, and with Padme flanked. 26 hits though! 14 damage. “All these red numbers, guys. Ridiculous.” We immediately accuse Velcro of giving us red numbers. We’re whittling him down though; Luna: “One toe at a time.”

A caligni slithers out of the room and stabs Nadia, shutting the door behind him so they are alone in the corridor. She makes her save but takes 12 damage.

Jorg’ath: “Right, enough of this shithousery. Le Bonk!” He hits Padme, still in the room. He doesn’t get a Howdy Doodis, because the DM tells him how he does it:

Everyone in the room sees Padme burst into flames instead of darkness. They all get a saving throw: I miss who takes what, but it’s fire damage. Jorgy has a movement left; can he knock open the door and grapple the last caligni in one action? No, that’s too much. He opens the door and gets ready in case Nadia dies.

She’s good - she stabs the caligni and kills him. He also gets stuck on her bayonet.

25gp, 11sp, and a Greater Cheater’s Elixir! And Skabb gets the wand, which is level 3. She bares her teeth at us. Sprocket and Nadia take some of the silken pillows; Hartvig takes a nap.

Skabb is feeling generous and will give away her wand of level 2; Sprocket accepts it and offers his wand of level 1 to anyone who wants it. Hartvig can do more damage with Needle Darts, and Jorgy and Nadia are shit at magic. Luna adds it to her haberdashery of equipment while we all laugh at how much stuff she’s got. Luna: “Don’t question me!”

[abominationvault]

Session 71: Sat 12 Apr 2025

No Sprocket or Luna as they’re in Macclesfield, and Skabb is wrestling with Baby Skabb so she’ll be late. I agree to pilot Sprocket, and Jorg’ath will take Luna. Sorted.

Oh shit we’re in the middle of a fight!

The elder Child of Velcro fires an acid arrow at Jorg’ath; it hits. No it doesn’t, his AC went up!

(Hartvig: “Do we know what they’re weak to?”

Jorg’ath: “Violence.”)

Luna is next. She will wait for her character sheet to open, and then Jorg’ath will see how much gold she’s got, and then she will shoot at the leech swarms with her shortbow. 27 hits, they take 8 of her 13 piercing damage. 32! Crit! She crits her crit damage roll as well, howdy doodis! In a Robin Hood Prince of Thieves fashion she draws the string of her bow close to her face and the camera follows the arrow right past Sprocket’s ear and into the leech swarm, which explodes. Bryan Adams is playing somewhere. She misses her third shot, being too busy humming along.

Hartvig next. After some faffing, he casts Void Warp on the remaining swarm. It fails its save! And takes all 13 Void damage.

Sprocket casts Pummeling Rubble from his staff; the swarm takes 7 of the halved 4 damage, because it is weak to Area of Effect damage! Augustus does Fist Slam but does a red miss. Woof.

Jorg’ath next, and he will runs up behind the swarm to flank it. Big old bonk with the greatclub, critical hit and howdy doodis! Bonkbonkbonkbonkbonk. “One move, two bonks… Job done.”

Skabbins. She drops her spell and goes after the elder Child.

She runs up and bites it. “I can’t be bothered with spells.” She crits, but rolls low on her damage. It takes 15 of the 20 total. “Fair enough. Does it taste delicious at least?” No, dry like jerky but tasteless. “… She’s eaten worse.” She doesn’t hate the taste so she goes again; it takes 6 of her 11 damage.

Nadia runs after her: Skabb waves to her as a free action and Nadia waves back as a free action. (DM: “Aww!”) Crossbow shot; hits. Howdydoodis, and she pins the Elder to the door at the end of the corridor, toes dangling above the floor. Skabb tucks in.

What should Skabb do about the acid that’s doing damage to her every round?

Jorg’ath, without thinking: “Wash it off, I should imagine.”

Skabb, disgusted: “… Wash?!”

She uses a poultice of slugs instead and makes her Fortitude save, ending the effect. She listens at the door where the dead elder is pinned. She hears water lapping and the creaking of wood, but nothing suspicious. Except, the occasional sound of either wood or ropes straining, and like a… thrashing noise? It sounds muffled. She shares with us and goes back to nibbling on the Elder’s toes.

Sprocket does some Risky Surgery on Skabb (I figure out the buttons!) and heals her for 37, with 1 damage. Not bad. He does the same for Hartvig, after he fails to roll high enough to heal himself.

We have a quick squizz behind Skabb’s door. Luna moves up to open the door - she notices that some of the game pieces the Children were playing with are made of something really expensive. She thinks the set, even incomplete, would be worth about 80gp. Jorg’ath-as-Luna: “Shitting hell!”

In between mouthfuls of the Elder, Skabb notices a key on a chain; she throws it at her friends, annoyed that it is in the way of her feast.

Jorg’ath listens at the locked door - no, Luna does instead. No touchy though. She’s not sure she’s heard anything, but there might be something shuffling. Skabb: “Snacks!”

Skabb has a look for traps. She sees no tripwires or pressure plates. She looks in the keyhole; nothing that makes her think it’s trapped. Jorg’ath shoves her into the door. Reflex save for Skabb, Sprocket, Luna and Augustus: a surge of magic forms a fireball which blows up in their faces.

Skabb makes a Nature check, and Sprocket an Arcana check; Sprocket tells us that that was a Glyph of Warding on the door, which will take a minute to recharge. Can we pick it out? We can Dispel them or Counter them. If we go through and leave the door open, it won’t recharge.

Skabb picks up the key again and puts it in the lock. It clicks five times as she turns it; Luna tells us it is a complex lock, which would have taken five separate checks for her to pick. Nadia looks for a stone to hold the door open; she wedges a rotting cushion under the gap.

The chamber is dusty and dry with a stone slab, a small body in funeral wrappings atop it. “He looks dusty and delicious. It’s a shame I’m full.”

There are gemstones where the body’s eyes should be. It looks like holes have been drilled into his head, which contain a sort of crown of crystals. Hartvig: “He’s had mischief visited upon him.”

Skabb wants to ready Vitality Lash. Triggering condition: “If the little fucker’s gonna go for me.” She shouts: “Coo-ee! I like your hat.” She tries in Goblin first. It doesn’t respond to the words but climbs down from its slab and starts speaking in Gnomish. Sprocket translates: “Something something I shall become a lich!” it says. He looks like he’s going to attack so Skabb looses her Vitality Lash.

Sprocket asks it a question in Gnomish before we roll initiative. “What is your name and why do you wanna be a lich I love you.”

Gorsalthith is his name. (Whuh...?) He is one of the oldest Children of Velcro, and plans to become a demilich even though none of them have ever heard of that. He has done all this to himself, and has been lying motionless here for nearly a century waiting for his form to become that of a lich; absolutely nothing has happened.

We roll initiative!

It tries the horrible green gas thing but most of us are immune. Then it shoots an acid arrow at Jor- no, he’s behind walls. It shoots at Skabb instead. 25 hits? 25 hits. She gets her persistent acid damage back. “Aw yay, I missed that guy.”

She is the first to get a chance to hit back, but has to make a Fortitude save, which she fails - Hero Point, succeeds and is immune. Can she cast Gentle Repose? If someone’s already undead it won’t do anything, the DM tells her. Oh well. Blazing Dive it is! “‘Ello,” she says as she arrives in the Elder’s space at speed.

It makes the save. In that case she will poke him with summat; how about her teeth? 20 is a miss, and so is a crit-fail-15; she bites her lip and takes 2 damage. “This has gone well for me.”

Hartvig, hearing the sounds of screaming and chomping, realises a battle has started. He moves up and ends up too close without realising. He casts a nice friendly Spiritual Armament. 24 hits! (Jorg’ath: “That’s the Spirit.” Hartvig, laughing: “Shame on you!”)

Jorg’ath’s turn. He starts with a classic Scything, for 19 damage, then goes for a secondary slashing. Hero Point 19 more damage. (25 hits, 21 misses.)

Luna is in the doorway doing quote "Luna tings". I miss her attack because I’m planning Sprocket’s… He and Augustus use Act Together and Boost Eidolon; Augustus barrels in and leaps atop the stone slab. He tries two Fist Slams against the Elder but misses both.

Nadia, with nowhere to stand, leans around the doorway and shoots twice with her crossbow for 24 damage total.

The Elder swings a fist at Skabb and hits for 16 damage, and then Hartvig and misses, then Augustus and hits for 15 damage.

Skabb again: she casts Clinging Ice; it takes half damage but is vulnerable to cold so 16! Then she casts Chilling Spray (while we try not to think about exactly how she does that), and it fails the save so howdydoodis!

She does another poultice for the new acid damage. …Hero Point? 29, a success. More wellness-stabbing from Sprocket, and a Treat Wounds from Hartvig.

The gemstones in the Elder’s head; the teeth are semiprecious each worth 8sp. Eyes are 50gp each! The crown is 9 pieces of quartz worth 3gp each.

23gp each once it’s all shaken out!

We’ve cleared two rooms so far, which must be some sort of record. Anything else in here worth poking around for? Nope. Moving on!

Skabb and Hartvig are squabbling and Skabb shoves him into the door at the end of the corridor. He opens it, sneaky like, to find another corridor and a door. We all quickly tell the DM we’d like to sneak please, and do follow the leader.

Hartvig listens at the next door. More creaking and splashing, and the creaking of wood which is different to the first creaking - that was almost metallic. He opens the door to find a little beach with cages and bits of wood. All are partially submerged in the water.

There are bones in the cages, still in skeleton shapes; Hartvig thinks they might be undead.

(Hartvig: “I can Create Undead…” Jorg’ath: “I can Create Dead.”)

Oh wait this is where Hartvig and Nadia went last week but we didn’t open any doors.

Luna and Hartvig are Clumsy 1. Wait, what? They feel sort of congested. Does Hartvig think he might have a disease or a poison? Quite possibly. He can treat those.

Jorg’ath is Sickened 1. His nostrils are blocked and inflamed; there are pockmarks around his nostrils when he looks at his reflection in the water. It was Rabies! Skabb had him sneakily scratch some of his scabs off at him.

Nadia spots a creature underwater; it’s large and has a frill. There are others in some of the cages. She hisses at the others to be quiet - Jorg’ath dives into the water over the top of her head. What is this creature, he wants to know? Well firstly he wins a Hero Point for ballsiness.

This is a Krooth. Normally found in packs, the common name is Crocodile Eater. They’ll eat anything with flesh but favour lizard-folk… (Skabb immediately erupts with laughter. “This day is getting better and better!”)

It has a barbed tail and a poisonous bite. This is a male, which are more aggressive than the females, but its insides are valuable to alchemists - up to 80gp if we can get them sold quick enough.

Do any of us speak Aklo? Yes, Jorg’ath. He hears a muffled voice near the water saying “release me”. He sticks his face back in the water. In Aklo: “Who’s talking?”

“I pose no threat. I will just swim back to my eggs.” There is a Chuul in one of the cages.

He opens the cage.

“Thank you!” And it swims away.

“Enjoy, Crab-Friend! Raise those eggies well, yeah? Remember me!” He Water-Sprints over to another cage on a rock across the water. The bars are ripped and bent, with bones strewn across the cage floor.

Jorg’ath, suddenly: “I have seen the future and the future is bad.” He’s spotted something further back in the cavern. He jogs back over the water. “I don’t want anything to do with him.”

Well, where should we go from here? We could use the rowing boats to get across the water.

Hartvig goes back to the door that was blocked with debris, with the drag-marks. Grabby flies over to the big, broken cage, while Jorg’ath takes Hartvig to one side. “I’ve got a couple of spots. Is this normal?” he asks him quietly.

“That doesn’t look great, buddy.” Luckily Hartvig has taken a Feat to help him heal diseases and poisons! Jorgy can repeat his Fortitude save with a +4 with Hartvig’s help. 32, so 36! He blows his nose and a load of skin flakes that aren’t his emerge. He feels the disease start to pass. “Cheers buddy!”

Hartvig and Luna have no marks of goblin pox, but both are clumsy 1 and can smell rotten flesh when they breathe in. They compare symptoms, and discover that they are the same. They both have Bog Rot! If you catch it naturally you can get it from having wet feet for too long; they had it inflicted upon them by the Children of Velcro. It can be cured by amputation of the affected limbs... Stage 2 slows them down, Stage 3 is Clumsy 2 and -10 feet movement, and Stage 4 requires amputation. Luckily they’re only at Stage 1 but treatment will take a few hours. If we take a rest Hartvig can heal it. Nadia fixed the lift, so we can go back up to the level above for a rest somewhere a bit drier.

Augustus fishes an Expanded Healer’s Toolkit out of his tummy and hands it to Hartvig, who proceeds to roll a red 13 to cure Luna, and fails. Sprocket rolls a 25 to help Hartvig and succeeds. Awkward…

How long has she got before she loses a paw? Couple of days, she’ll be fine. Oh wait Hartvig has Hero Points… 15, yikes. But! With Augustus' Expanded Healer’s Toolkit that makes it a 20, which is a success! And Luna keeps all her paws, phew.

Back down to the pier, we can use the boats so we don’t have to swim. Luna spots something across the water to the south-east. Squinting… She thinks it might be a door. Jorg’ath swims over to investigate, and opens it.

“Guys, stairs!”

He wants to give us all piggy backs and run us across the water. He takes Skabbins and her goblin dog first, and Grabby joins them by the door. The door looks long unused. Then he goes back over for Nadia. Hartvig climbs into one of the boats and rows himself, Sprocket, Augustus and Luna across.

We look at the stairs. “What if we just skipped this whole level. Would’nt that be amazing,” Skabb muses.

Jorg’ath charges ahead down the stairs. “Chums! A door!” Nadia follows, and the others after.

Jorg’ath checks the door for runes. He can’t see anything; Nadia peers over his shoulder. DM: “You can’t see anything unusual, it’s just a normal door.” Nadia: “That’s either a natural 20 or a natural 1, let’s go!”

Muddy water in here, scorch marks on the ground. A bit of a blade peeks up from somewhere, I miss where exactly. Jorg’ath summons Skabb, this seems like her kind of room.

There are lights hovering above the water that flicker and blink as we enter. Initiative - wisps! Aberrations, immune to spells except magic missile and a few others we've never needed to remember. If they appear with creatures that cause fear, kill them first.

When the wisps flickered, Hartvig felt a pulse of magic - they were doing something. “Extending a tendril of friendship?” He doesn’t know, but he’s fairly certain it wasn’t that.

Luna is up first, but she’s still outside the room. She readies an attack for if anything comes out of the room.

Nadia, finding herself surrounded, uses Alchemical Shot to shoot one of her new Greater Redpitch Bombs, but misses. She runs to the far end of the room and presses against the wall.

Skabb rushes in teeth first and crit hits one of the wisps. 11 piercing and 22 crit damage, plus extra because they are aberrations: 1d6, 4. 37 damage total! Another go: 16 misses, Hero Point 25 for 11 more. (25 would be a miss but it’s flanked by the wall behind it.) Howdy Doodis! “Quietly, because I’m focused on ht next one I want to eat.” Sadly it evaporates as she bites down.

The wisps go next and all surround Nadia. “Just add it all up and tell me at the end, yeah?” They take her out…

The one that hasn’t attacked wafts over to Skabb. “Luckily I’m all hit points.” Jorg’ath: “Hit points and hatred.” They finish and she’s still up. Singing: “I’m still standing…”

Hartvig next. He trots across the room and does a Level 4 Heal on Nadia. “Thanks, chum!” She nominates him for a Hero Point; it is awarded, as we know he hates healing. His eye twitches.

Augustus scoops up Sprocket and they Act Together, running into the room. Sprocket casts Force Barrage at the wisp in front of Skabb, doing ten damage.

Jorg’ath strolls over and flanks one of the wisps who attacked Nadia, and starts bopping. 19+7 damage, and a miss Hero Point 23. That one misses even though it’s flanked. “Bum.”

Luna peeks around the corner and can just see one of the wisps - 36 hits and is a crit! Howdy Doodis!

Nadia stabs with Alkonost’s bayonet but misses. She sees a face flickering in the wisp - she recognises it from the portraits above. Velcro…?

Skabb bites again for 15 more damage and then again, but a miss this time. Last attack is a crit! Green 28 on the crit damage, howdy doodis!

The last wisp doesn’t care to be flanked, so it moves and zaps Nadia and Hartvig, both misses.

Hartvig’s turn, and he will do Needle Darts. (Gloucestershire accent) “Bear with…” 24 is a miss. “Poo.”

Sprocket’s wand goes off for 5 more damage. Does it look ropey? A little more transparent. Augustus sets him down and goes and strolls over to give it a good thumpin’, and hits twice for 28 damage!

Jorg’ath decides it’s scythin time, and whips out the Bloodgorger. Howdy doodis!

We were looking at the hilt of a blade that was sticking out from somewhere. Sprocket toddles over and does a Detect Magic. It’s a Gloom Blade…

“Well, it’s too big for me,” Danny Glover Danny Glover. (I win a Hero Point.)

We give it to Luna, it seems to have her name written all over it.

That’s got to be a record number of rooms and fights! And there was swimming and boating and diseases. Fun!

[abominationvault]

Session 70: Sat 5 Apr 2025

Last week the DM said we could do a Recall Knowledge check on the monsters downstairs, and that he would do that for us before this week. We killed Urevian! Yay! That ought to piss in Velcro’s cheerios. Also we levelled up, and Hartvig actually remembers to do it before the game!

We heard the barrier to the next level down from here dissipate, so I assume we’re going there next. Nadia might want to pop back to town and let Carmen know he’s safe.

Recall Knowledge information: Lizardy one: Gonatine. Aberration, immune to disease, resistant acid, carries a disease (transmitted through its vomit), stinks reeeeal bad. Gibbering mouther: aberrations, weak to bludgeoning Gug: Aberration. Jellyfish: Gibtaneous. Aberration, resistant to bludgeoning, immune to acid. Vomits acid. Grasshopper one: Chule. Amphibious aberration. immune to poison, has tremorsense. Mosquito lookin one: Gogiteth. Hive creature, from dark lands, aberration, resistant to poison. Drider: Aberration, fleshwarp, likes smut, cannot be put to sleep with magic. Made of bits of elf. The imp also tells us that these tubes are not a risk to the town, they are not ready to be fired.

Nadia crafting: Redpitch bombs: 2. Moderate, will ask Grabby to do her thing. Can’t or it would explode her. Glue bullet: 1. Healing mist: 1. Greater.

Sprocket does some Risky Surgery on Nadia, Hartvig, and Jorg’ath before we rest, stabbing us back to health with his wellness scalpel.

We take the elevator down, because Nadia is fascinated by the idea. She thinks if she tries to activate it as is, the rusty chains might be an issue; she cleans it up and gets it all running smoothly. She lowers the DC and in spite of some bad rolls, we make it down intact. She nominates herself for a Hero Point, and it is awarded!

Who can see well in the dark? Most of us. Plus Jorgy glows. We become aware that the dry atmosphere is growing damp as we descend; we can see figures moving around on a dock below us. Large wood and iron platform. There are creatures looking cautiously at us. We believe they are undead gnomes…?

The gnomes aren’t attacking - yet. They seem surprised that the lift has moved. Sprocket wants to see if they are intelligent undead, or under the influence of some sort of necromancer. He speaks Necril, but they don’t respond. Anyone speak gnomish? Yeah, Sprocket. He gives a gnomish greeting: (high pitched voice) “Hey everybody I love you.”

They understood that and reply in gnomish: “Leave.”

Jorg’ath busts out his new feat to see if they’re impressed:

They are not impressed. “The children of Velcro will not tolerate your presence. Leave now. You’ve been warned.”

“Are you the children of Velcro I love you.”

They are, they tell Sprocket.

“We’re allowed to be here I love you.”

They embraced undeath so they could complete their mission, they say. Jorg’ath tells Skabb to take a step back so he can stand in her place; he is measuring out a cone on the map. Nadia backs up too, knowing what's likely to come out of him.

What is their mission, Skabb wants to know? Sprocket translates.

They don’t want to tell us. They say they were once deep gnomes, and Velcro entrusted this farm to them to feed the entire Abomination Vaults, and they intend to do their job.

Skabb: “Tell me it’s a slug farm.”

We get the impression they will attack any moment. They look angry; we have been asked to leave and have not done so.

Sprocket gestures to the door near the dock where we’ve landed. Can we leave that way, he asks. Yes, they say, after a brief discussion. Skabb readies a spell. Nadia spots another creature across the water and points it out, but it’s too late - Jorg’ath has used his tail as a vomiting wand and is gozzing all over the gnomes. Two take full and two take half damage - no wait, all fail and one is a crit fail. 80 damage to the crit and 40 to the rest.

They are all still up.

Hmm.

Skabb releases her prepared spell, Vitality Lash. Then initiative!

Jorg’ath goes first. “It’s Scythin’ time!” 30 damage, holy shit. Second attack howdydoodis! Whirlwind of limbs flying all over the place. He moves on to the next one and gives it an Intimidating Glare. He rolls badly and the gnome ain’t bovvered mate. Well, he’s died once already, Sprocket points out.

Luna wants to shoot the one closest; she does a check and then she might get Precision damage as well. She knows these things are more like a bog-mummy than a standard one. They’ve entombed themselves in some bog, and come out undead.

Tremor sense, negative healing, immune to a bunch of shit. Resistant to fire, weak to cold. Skabb delighted. Luna continues with the plan and shoots one in the face. 36 is a crit! Howdydoodis! Arrow through head, falls into lake. 27 hits the next one, whoops wrong button, 23 still hits. Takes the piercing but doesn’t bleed. Gets precision damaged.

Nadia moves off the platform and takes aim with her crossbow; two attacks, 26 and 21 both hit the creature.

The one she hit "turns on his horrendous aura", direct quote from the DM. 30 foot aura! Nadia is glad she moved away. Then it does this:

Jorg’ath can breathe underwater, so no worries there. It moves as well, and punches Hartvig (green 34; and its gnome height so it punches him square in the dick) for 31 damage and he must make a Fortitude save. 17. So that’s that guy, now the other one gets a turn.

It moves and punches Skabbins. “Hey! I’ve always hated fucking gnomes,” she grumbles. Then a chule arrives! (Nadia gives the information about it to the others. Aberration; Skabb delighted.) It attacks the child of Velcro! And kills it!!

Jorg’ath, eyes wide: “You know you said ‘no pets’, [DM]?”

DM: “This one’s a hard no.”

Augustus does a nonlethal shove on the gnome, aiming to shove it into the arms of the chule. He misses. Hero Point: Hits! 10 damage kills it, the chule eats it and slips back off the pier. Augustus would smile and look happy if he could.

Nadia wants to take a look to see if she knows what the thing across the water is; she steps closer but the boards of the deck start to creak underneath her. She aborts mission and asks Luna if she will have a go.

Luna gets closer, but can’t get a very good look at it. She says there’s smoke or steam around its head, and it has fur or hair, white and scraggly. It doesn’t sound like anything from the monster gun. Skabb sends Grabby for a squiz. She doesn’t know what it is, and can only give a description.

Rotting looking skin, discoloured, wasn’t ever human or goblin. Long scraggly hair and smoke coming from eye sockets and mouth. Eyes glow red. Ears pointy like an elf but not as big. She thinks it’s undead. Skabb describes what Grabby has seen (Nature check 34) and we all recall knowledge. Nadia has no fucking clue. (“Not my forte.”) Hartvig: “Its my aunt Maude!” He thinks it might be something called a Bodak. “A Bo Derek?” It’s undead, the smoke is from its fried brain. They suffered some awful experience that made them like this. Negative healing, bunch of other shit I can’t get down quick enough. Weak to sunlight. Hartvig: “That’s my wheelhouse, or at least wheelhouse-adjacent.” Weak to Positive damage as well.

We creep away and investigate the doors in the place that we can get to. Skabb listens at another door by the lift, and hears tapping. Hartvig and Nadia go down south and Hartvig finds another door.

Augustus and Sprocket take a look at the door the gnomes said we could go through. It looks as though something large was dragged in a sack across the floor here.

Skabb wants to see if her door will open. She cracks it and can see four couches and a table; the room is L shaped and she can’t see some of it. There is a game of some sort scattered on the floor and three more undead gnomes are sitting on the couches playing it. She shuts the door and tells us what she’s seen, and readies a spell.

We gather up and she hoofs the door open, blasting them with her cantrip (Frostbite) and we roll initiative. (It takes half damage, so 6.) Skabb pretends she’s in an action film.

The one she hit looks older than the others, which the DM feels is important for us to know, clearly. Oh, it’s an Elder, that probably means it’s got more abilities. It does Breath of the Bog at us, getting us all. Jorgy holds his breath. Hartvig: “Bog wankers again.”

Skabb gets hit with an acid arrow.

Luna feels a foul liquid filling her lungs, and must make a Fortitude save - 29, and she is immune for an hour. “At the risk of being boring, I’m going to try and shoot him in the face.” She does a check first to see if she can get her precision damage. The elder one is tougher and has been a mummy for longer. Same weaknesses as the others. No paralysis, poison or unconsciousness. She crits with her bow against it! Crits the damage as well for 52! She wins a Hero Point. The gnome didn’t enjoy that at all. She takes another shot - 17 misses.

Hartvig next. Fortitude save: It’s against an Undead so he gets +2 Circumstance bonus. He has a Ward Against Corruption! 16 is still a critical fail. “Oh God!” He can hold his breath as a reaction if he wants. He can’t cast any spells with a verbal component if he does, though. He just does Needle Darts instead.

Sprocketses will measure and gets out his Frostbite staff. 19 misses. Oh wait, it’s a save, not an attack roll. It takes half damage, from 13 to 7. So it takes 17 cold damage! Oh, and he has to make a Fortitude save: 23. That’s a fail. He uses his last action to quote “chuff off” out of the bog fog. “That zone is gross.”

Jorg’ath just chooses not to breathe, so doesn’t need to make a save. He stands over Skabb and gozzes into the room. 24 DC Reflex - 12 (crit fail), 33 (success), 24 (success).

Skabb next - she casts Ice Storm on top of the gnome mummies. Reflex save DC 26. She kills one outright (Frozen solid, shatters when her hail hits it), double damage to the others.

What is Grabby Cat doing, the DM asks? Just pondering her existence in the air. Cleaning her leg and doing forward rolls. Why? The DM was just wondering. Ahuh.

The water around the edge of the shore roils and leeches the size of a person’s forearm come sliming up the edge of the rock in two enormous swarms, and stop short just in front of us. (Grabby was above them and is thus unaffected, which was why the DM was asking.) They swarm Augustus and Sprocket, and bite them. The leeches are unaffected by the bog fog. Sprocket and Augustus make Fortitude saves - Sprocket critically succeeds! Augustus succeeds as well. Both are fine. Nice!

Nadia succeeds against the bog fog. Swarms are weak to area of effect and splash damage. She considers helping Sprocket and Augustus but they made their saves so she takes aim at the remaining regular gnome and crits, killing it. She steps in front of Hartvig and shoots the elder one and hits, but no crit, and doesn’t kill it.

We call it there as it’s getting late, and will pick up next week…

[abominationvault]

Session 69 (nice): Sat 29 Mar 2025

Last week we mostly found the “players win” button, while the DM one seemed to be broken for once. We defeated the drill sergeant and his men! Demon. Things. You know. Anyway, we won is the point. We found a Drover’s Band, which is most useful to people with devil blood; we gave it to Nadia.

We found a gug who is looking for Urevian, it asked for our help but we refused. We found Urevian and he made us an offer that involved giving up Carmen Rajani; we are going to refuse, but want to go back to town to tool up first. Then we skipped a week so our DM could have a birthday party, the selfish bastard.

Copy pasted from last week:

“Luna does Recall Knowledge about the type of devil Urevian is; she succeeds. Immune to fire and the spell ward contract, resistant to physical except silver and poison, weak to holy damage, weakest save is fortitude or reflex. The creatures under contract with him can’t harm him, additionally.”

Speaking of the DM, he has made an executive decision; the next level of the dungeon has not had its difficulty altered in any way, in an attempt to get this thing finished. We’re all excited to get on to new adventures!

Baby Skabb isn’t even in PJs yet so Jorg’ath and Skabb message to tell us to crack on without them and they’ll jump in when they can.

We do some shopping for some healing potions and other sundries.

Carmen has returned to his smithy and assures us he’s doing his best to make peace with the town. The temple still has his sword. He had no idea there was a devil looking to get hold of his soul, and says he will spend a few nights in the temple, just in case. He agrees to silver one of our weapons as thanks for protecting him. Sprocket asks Vandy for some help and makes a Diplomacy check of 31. She gives him a scroll of Holy Light (I think?), being as she is un-keen on contract wielding devils living so close to the town. He gives the scroll to Hartvig and hugs Vandy’s shin, telling her he likes her shoes.

Nadia makes two glue bullets and two healing mist grenades; Grabby swallows the Lesser grenades and burps them back up as Moderates.

We go to the Rowdy Rockfish for drinking, as Nadia is still barred from the Crook’s Nook. At some point Nadia wants to get Sprocket hammered to see if he really does vomit Skittles, but not today, eh.

(Jorg’ath and Skabb arrive; Jorg’ath chooses his scythe to be silvered. Skabb swaps some spells around.)

Hero Points are awarded for doing all this planning, plotting and scheming.

We decide to put Jorgy and Augustus at the front to stop our enemies getting to the ranged fighters and spellcasters. Plan, activate, go!

We go in and position ourselves, and the battering can commence. Skabb makes the DM laugh by casting Ice Storm right out the gate. “Oh he’s boring. We don’t need chat.” Hartvig’s battle cry: “Let the up-fucking begin!”

They know we’re here, but weren’t expecting us to start with violence so Skabb gets a surprise attack, but Urevian crits his save. One of the barbazu takes 20 damage, the other ten. There is now a sleet storm on the other end of the room.

Initiative!

Urevian crits his initiative and goes first, hitting Jorgy with a Diabolic Quill. He takes some persistent bleed damage, ouch. He does it again, but fortunately the bleed damage doesn’t stack. Then the Barbazu go in with a Glaive attack. Fortitude save: 28! It crits with its beard though, booh. Jorgy Hero Points his save and makes it, phew.

Jorgy next. He necks a potion and heals by 13 delicious, delicious hit points. Bloodgorger Scythe attack! Newly silvered, and crits! 49 damage, which Urevian would normally reduce, but instead takes an extra 10! Jorgy’s second attack is a 20, hero Point, 18. Luna next.

She shoots one of her new silver arrows (Carmen gave them to her), but misses, hero point, worse. Second attack even worse, and then she hides.

I do some stuff AFK so I miss the next couple of turns.

Hartvig busts out the scroll that Vandy gave Sprocket. Urevian is immune to the fire part, but weak to the holy part, hooray. 31 hits for 14 holy damage, which becomes 24! Noice. “Freebies!” He moves so we’re not all clumped up together.

Urevian takes a healing potion, to universal indignation from the whole party. “I’m playing him as written!” the DM insists, and then takes a free action to force a Will save from Jorg’ath. “And if I say no?”

Memories begin to flash through Jorg’ath’s mind; he remembers Nadia saying she’s going to talk to Carmen, and going in that direction. Urevian smiles. Shit.

Urevian headbutts him and increases his bleed damage to 9, and then stabs him with the quill again. 24 misses, phew.

The barbazu attacks Jorg’ath with its beard again; Jorg’ath has to admit, that is pretty distracting. The DM reminds him he has a crow wife. He gets critted, and has to have a sit down. He is about to make a death save, when Nadia’s healing grenade kicks in. With the persistent damage, the DM rules that he is down, but not dying; he will come back as Wounded 1.

Luna. Crits with her shortbow! max damage all around, and that’s with a silver arrow. 56 and an extra 10 makes 66 damage in one turn holy shit. Nadia nominates her for a Hero Point. She fails her second attack and hides.

Nadia tries for a Pistol Twirl but fails. “Just kidding!” She reloads.

Sprocket and Augustus act together, and Sprocket uses three actions to summon “this jerk” (a statue), and Augustus uses the fourth action to punch Ulysses in the mouth. Now flanked, Augustus’ attack hits! The summoned statue magically fists Urevian - no, because Augustus has Howdy Doodis’ed him! His fists crack with thunder as they make contact.

The statue donkey punches one of the barbazu instead. It just misses, by “the skin of its knickers”. Worth a try.

Skabb points out that the barbazu were under contract but are now no longer and could fuck off home if they wanted. Well, they don’t. “Well, they’re bastards then, aren’t they.”

Hartvig does Jorg’ath a big heal, and then Guidance on him as well. “My lucky day!”

One of the barbazu strides up and smacks Nadia, and forces a Fortitude save. She rolls a 20. “… Did I make it?” DM, presumably with an evil smirk: “Who knows?” “Oh no!”

Then it attacks Skabb with its beard. She wants to take a free action to tell it its beard game is weak.

She hits the barbazu in front of Nadia with a Lightning Bolt; it takes 8 of the 16 damage. Skabb: “Well that’s big of him.” She bites him with her Grill, but misses. She goes again and hits! 15 piercing damage. She wants to be reminded to go and get the Grill silvered at the dentist later on.

The other barbazu strides up and wallops our Coracle. “No! Fuck off!” He takes 12 slashing and 9 evil damage. He also makes a Fortitude save, again with no confirmation of whether he made it or not. It hits him again and forces another save.

Jorg’ath gains 3 hp from the grenade, and loses 9 at the start of his turn from the bleed damage. He sticks a couple of fingers down his throat and does a big old gozz for 7d6 damage. Howdydoodis! On one of them, but not the other. The dead one’s flesh peels off in one piece, and his beard plops onto Skabb's head like a quote “delicious little combover”. He wins a Hero Point. “Oh, alright.”

Luna does a shortbow attack, is allowed to retcon it, does, and strides up to stab it with her kukri instead. Does she get her sneakies if it’s flat-footed? Yes she does! She hits again - howdydoodis! “In the face. And just, really grosses out Hartvig.”

Now to loot Urevian for all the contracts we said we’d get for various people. Jorg’ath’s wounds are smouldering. “I’m always smouldering.”

Hartvig Cauterizes Wounds. Jorg’ath, reading the spell description: “I am a willing creature.” He can now make a Fortitude save, which is only a 15 thanks to the spell from his boy-crush, and smashes it!

The imp arrives and flies past all of us with something in a bit of rag. It stinks. She drops it on the floor - we see it’s some kind of monster shit. She opens Urevian’s corpse mouth and starts shovelling the shit into it and cackling.

She finds her own contract and rips it up, while we do the others. What about the monster gun? They are all in suspended animation, but would be difficult to kill. They are no danger as long as we manage to kill Velcro as is our plan. And if we fail to kill her we'll be dead anyway so why would we care, the imp asks? Fair point, well made. Moving on.

The imp thinks the monsters are from the levels below here, so we can recall knowledge to see what will hurt them if we want, as we area headed down there next. (The DM will do that for us and go through it at the start of next session.)

Brief treasure check; no, but the DM says we can all level up! Yay! Skabb wants Urevian’s quill. Sprocket wants to use it to write fanfiction, in hopes of demoralising it into becoming nonmagical.

We hear a strange noise in the distance… (Hartvig: “Is it the Final Fantasy victory fanfare?”) Perception checks. All of us but Hartvig think it sounds magical in nature. Sprocket, Nadia and Jorg’ath think it sounded like something dissipating.

When we first came here there were a load of fleshwarps doing drills in front of a glowing orange barrier, leaving the lift behind it now accessible. The DM moves the map layer by accident at first, confusing the shit out of us. He puts it back.

[abominationvault]

Session 68: Sat Mar 15 2025

We divvy up some of what Luna found last week, while she’s absent, sorry Luna. Jorg’ath takes the dragon’s breath potions, and Nadia some of the alchemist’s fire. We let Luna keep the spell and explosive arrows.

Right, just the fleshwarps and their drill master left to fight on this floor, and then we must use the amulet to open the final door. We’ll probably need to rest first and heal up, so we go up to crash with the mitflits again and do that. Nadia makes some healing grenades, and fails to make any glue bullets; she just makes a sticky mess. Skabb: “Standard Nads.”

And off we go again!

We sneak and put Jorg’ath near the front. Oh, he’s not sneaking, okay. Behind the barbazu drill sergeant, we see what looks like an elevator shaft, blocked off by a yellow-orange light. Jorg’ath suggests a kill box, and Luna recalls knowledge about fleshwarps. Skabb plans to do a cold AoE spell to fuck em up a bit. Lowest save Reflex, no weaknesses, immune to acid and something else. I forget. We get a surprise round, yay! Skabb marks her spell on the map “It’s not a penis, I promise, don’t punish me” and Jorg’ath measures out a good gozzin’.

The fleshwarps start their saving throws against Skabb’s spell. She gets nominated for a Hero Point, as they are mostly failing them so far… hold on… One rolls a green 25 and takes no damage. Skabb: “Eh… he’s earned it.” Overall she deal 264 damage!!! We all start slowly edging away from her.

Storm clouds appear in the air above them and start raining down ice and hail, causing them bludgeoning and ice damage, and makes the area difficult terrain.

Jorg’ath jams his fist down his throat and gets a bunch of them in a cone. “Gozz gozz gozz gozz gozz. There it goes.” He kills a bunch of them all at once, stripping their skin from their skeletons, and gets a Hero Point. He chucks Nadia’s caltrops down as well for good measure.

Nadia kills one with her Liar’s Gun and hurts another, her third shot misses. (17 hits, 13 misses.)

The DM tells us that once the surprise round is over, these fleshwarps will start to use an ability that makes them explode when they die, in a 30 foot emanation… So we’d do well to keep our distance after this.

Luna is already sneaking, so she takes aim. Deadly as ever! 34 crits and kills one, 18 hits and kills another, and she melts into the shadows. Today is going well!

Sprocket is running three characters as Luna is AFK for now, so we hold on while he juggles character sheets. Augustus is going to try a thing; he has Electric Arc so he aims it at one of the fleshwarps. It fails its save and dies! The next one does the same! Now all Hartvig has to do is finish off the drill sergeant and we’ve effectively one-shotted them. He can make him reconsider his life choices…? He is heavily injured, at around half hit points. Hartvig does Spiritual Armament, 30 to attack! 8 damage, and he can sustain it for next round. 8 mighty hit points!

The drill sergeant is looking around himself in disbelief. All his men are dead. He rolls low on his initiative, effectively allowing us another complete round of attacks on him. Top of the round, Skabbins sustains her ice spell. Then she casts Blazing Dive, yeah! It saves but takes half damage.

Jorg’ath runs up to give him good old fashioned bonking, going at half speed through Skabb’s ice. 27 is just a miss, even though he’s flanked. Hero Point 20… He is done.

Nadia moves, reloads, and shoots; but she misses.

Luna is still hidden, and leans out from behind the corner and aims for the face. Wait, she wants to recall knowledge to see where in the face would be the most vulnerable. She is not sure; the recall knowledge was a Religion check and Luna is ungodly, to no-one’s surprise. Fortunately she has a feat that lets her add 7 to any roll she’s not proficient in, which makes it a success! Immune to fire, weak to Good damage, Resistant to physical except silver, and poison, weakest save is Reflex and Will (but Will gets a +1 against spells). Helpfully, she has written on her inventory - “Arrows: lots.”

It would be an action to attach holy water to an arrow, yes? Yes, so she does. She aims for the teeth. Green 36!! She rolls her critical damage and her sneak attack damage, then her holy wate- stop right there, howdy doodis! By luck of the cats, the holy water goes unbroken into his mouth just as he’s opening it to say ‘hey wait a minute’; he swallows it. For a moment he thinks nothing has happened, and then he explodes.

The DM didn’t get to take a single turn, and we all win a Hero Point!

(Nadia picks her caltrops back up.)

Skabb and Jorg’ath examine the yellow magical wall, but before that we find something called a Drover’s Band:

Nadia takes it, and generously doesn’t immediately use it on Hartvig.

We have all the pieces of the amulet now, there wasn’t one on the drill sergeant. I thought we still had one left to find, but the DM says we have them all. We also need to find a contract and destroy it.

Skabb, a little bit slug-drunk (she found them in the fleshwarps), finds a door. We think it probably leads to a teleportation circle so we leave it for now. There was another door, behind which the imp said there was a monster who was being difficult; Jorg’ath wants to investigate.

He listens at the door. The sign above it says in small writing Do Not Disturb if you Value Your Limbs. It is printed clearly in Undercommon and then Infernal. We ask the imp about it. What kind of monster is it?

It came up from the layer below, demanding to speak to Urevian so they locked it up. It’s a gug, she says, and they’re nasty. We Recall Knowledge; Skabb knows they’re large aberrations, chaotic evil. They speak Undercommon, are weak to nothing, cannot be reasoned with, cannot be bargained with, and absolutely will not stop (maybe), and look like this:

Its weakest save is Reflex, as well. Nadia asks where Urevian is; he’s behind the big red door, dummy! The imp offers to have a chat with her about the contract between them while dangling their legs above a lava pool; Nadia politely refuses. She offers the same to Skabb, who refuses much less politely.

There is a grill in the door; if we wanted to, we could slot Sprocket in his ooze form through it. Or we could talk to the gug through it, perhaps? The DM replaces the door with a window on the map so we can see.

Jorg’ath holds Sprocket up to the grill. The room looks uncomfortable, with spikes on the walls and floor. The gug doesn’t seem aware of our presence, currently. “Hey neck-head, what’s your name?” He doesn’t speak Undercommon, so Skabb will talk to her instead. “Coo-ee!”

The gug looks up, furious. She demands to be taken to Urevian, but Skabb explains she is not with the devils on this level; in fact, we’ve been wiping them out. What does the gug want with Urevian? We might have something in common.

We were thinking about killing Urevian and Velcro; the gug warns us against this as Urevian still has work to do and if his contract goes unfulfilled there will be hell to pay. Velcro has sent the gug up here.

Is the army ready, and can the plan progress? If we can’t answer her, she wants nothing to do with us. That revolting town still stands. Velcro is not happy.

Sprocket has a terrible idea. He wants someone to hold him up to the grill so he can dungeon bidet the gug to death; we’ll still be here in four more months if we do that.

We know Urevian is supposed to be readying an army; there’s not much more to be gained by releasing the gug so we could safely leave her here for now. Skabb: “Enjoy the spikes in your bum, see you later!”

The imp asks if we’re going through the doors to speak to Urevian. Maybe… She says that would be a wonderful thing, don’t forget your contracts! Skabb asks about the army. That likely means the monsters in the chambers that are pointed at the town. Skabb does the biggest fart she can muster and shuts the door.

We must put the pieces of the amulet together, and they will then slot into a special thing in the door. Nadia suggests that we ask Hartvig to sing some harvest songs for when the door opens; he obliges, standing just over 30 feet away from it just in case.

Jorg’ath volunteers to open the door while Hartvig sings about clouds and seeds and fields and building a barn. He wins a Hero Point.

The door opens, to reveal lit braziers, bookshelves, an alcove to the north with two bearded devils, either side of a third devil. 'Ruggedly handsome', though that is a matter of opinion.

"Friends, friends! Weapons away, I’m happy to see you!" Urevian tells the other two to stand down. He offers us a bargain to help us take down Velcro.

Skabb asks about the gug; he hates it.

What are the terms of this deal he has with Velcro?

He wants out of here, and we can help him, he says. There’s something he needs, and he and his devils are incapable of getting it. What he wants is the soul of Carmen Rajani, the blacksmith Nadia Charmed.

He is a direct descendant of the town’s founders, and we got him back his sword. What does he want with this soul? He wants to use it as payment to another creature. What’s so valuable about it, what will he get? He is just arranging a deal for someone else, in exchange for prestige and getting away from Velcro.

What if he left here by dying, Sprocket asks? He would spawn somewhere else probably.

Why has he barricaded himself in here? To stop the constant pestering of Velcro’s underlings (like the gug).

There are several creatures that have contracts with Urevian, that we have agreed to help destroy or otherwise dissolve.

Lots of philosophical debate about the cost of one soul versus an entire town.

He lists off a bunch of crimes that Carmen has supposedly committed. It’s quite clear where he’ll go in the afterlife, might as well cut out the middleman, he says.

Are there any other ways we can get him out of his contract with Velcro? Not really.

Skabb asks about the army. The gug came up to find out about it, she tells him. It’s part of the contract, that he lends them to Velcro. He has not yet mustered the numbers agreed. He has been dragging his feet because he doesn’t want to work with her.

What if we say no to Urevian's bargain? (We haven't actually asked him what we would get out of this.)

Consider carefully, he warns; turning him down will mean our deaths. He gestures to the bearded devils.

We need to confer, so we will call the session there. If it helps, if any of us decide to hand over Carmen’s soul, our alignments will move one step closer to evil. I don’t think any of us were seriously considering that, so it’s likely we’ll be fighting Urevian next week…

(Nadia might try to find Carmen when we go back to town for a rest before the fight. Sprocket wants to know if we can get hirelings, like a cleric? That way poor Hartvig wouldn't be stuck healing us all.)

Luna does Recall Knowledge about the type of devil Urevian is; she succeeds. Immune to fire and the spell ward contract, resistant to physical except silver and poison, weak to holy damage, weakest save is fortitude or reflex. The creatures under contract with him can’t harm him, additionally. We will pick up in town next week! Well, the week after, as it’s the DM’s 30-12th birthday party!

[abominationvault]

Session 67: Sat 8 Mar 2025

Oblivion is great! Hartvig has sent his dad some homework.

Last week we did a big fight with an Osyluth who went easy on us because we promised to destroy his contract; Urevian has it. Then Sprocket found some Erinyes, and they wanted him to help them with a teleportation circle. He refused, and we are gearing up to kick their asses.

What does Sprocket know about these creatures? He Recalls Knowledge, but neither he nor Nadia know much, even with Sprocket using a Hero Point. Does Augustus know anything? No, and he doesn’t want to. None of us know anything; whatever has been infecting the Hero Points has spread to the DM’s ‘DM WIN’ button. Grabbins tells us they are devils and fiends, they’re immune to fire, resistant to all but silver weapons and Good damage, they do fire damage, and are resistant to poison. We push Hartvig forward.

They shoot at Jorg’ath as he opens the door. Both hits crit, oof. 82 damage, holy shit. Hartvig puts his silver back in his pocket.

The Erinyes go first, and cast Fear on Jorgy. He is Frightened 3 and must flee on his turn. Then they hit Hartvig for 52 damage… “Oh, I’m not completely dead, which is a surprise to me.”

Sprocket casts a 3-Action Force Barrage from the wand, which he fires from the hip. Luna shoots one in the face; 22 misses. Hero Point: Green 36! Green critical damage of 35, 52 total damage, 3 persistent bleed, and she wins her Hero Point back. Nadia fires twice with silver bullets, hits once, and ducks around a corner.

Jorg’ath must flee, so he does, past Nadia and away, and shuts a door between the devils and himself. He goes down to Frightened 2. “… Thank you.”

The Erinyes approach. Hartvig: “Oh good. I’m glad I’m at the front, now.” It tries to pick him up and dump him in the lava. “I object vociferously. Unhand me!” It fails to pick him up so it hits him with its sword instead. “I die.”

Skabb casts Hydraulic Push but misses. She Heals Hartvig. He is up with 14hp, and is Wounded 1.

He runs back toward Nadia and the closed door where Jorg'ath is hiding. He hears a sobbing sound coming from behind the door, and Needle Darts the Erinyes instead but misses.

The second Erinyes casts Divine Wrath on Augustus - but he makes the save! He takes half damage, aw. 11 damage to the summoner and his construct.

They are busy saying ‘ow’ in unison (Augustus says it in gnomish). His Force Barrage wand goes off for a bit of damage. Should we just close the door and run away…? Boost Eidolon, and Augustus punches the nearest one. 28 hits! Thunder damage, directly in the crotch.

Luna goes for a stab with her rapier. It takes 5 damage from her first attack, which dealt 10 total. She tries to hide.

Nadia finds an acid flask in her pocket and Alchemical Shot’s the Erinyes (and Augustus...) with the splash damage. Jorgy boshes some healing potions and waits out his Fright.

The Erinyes shoot Furious Fusillade in a cone, getting shots off at almost all of us. Hartvig is dead again, and is now Dying 2 (because he was Wounded 1 before). Skabb casts Stabilise on him and wins herself a Hero Point. Then she casts Clinging Ice at one of the Erinyes.

Hartvig, safe but unconscious, foams at the mouth and gurgles for his turn. One of the Erinyes dies of bleed and acid damage! Yay!

Sprocket would love for Augustus to pick up an Erinyes by its leg and slam it into the ground. Sadly that’s not an ability that he has. “… No, this is not the time for Ooze Form…” he mutters. He Boosts Eidolon, and Augustus socks the Erinyes in the tummy. Hero Point… Green 36! 35 damage total! We see its skeleton as it flashes with the lightning damage. Second punch misses.

Luna takes a step back and aims at the remaining Erinyes. Nadia feeds Hartvig a potion (he checks to make sure he didn’t pee himself; she pretends not to notice) and fires at the Erinyes again twice, hits once.

Jorgy gets amongst it and crits with the Bloodgorger Scythe! 34 total damage! Second attack misses. She swings at him with her sword, and then Augustus. She crits against Jorgy and then misses, and misses Augustus as well.

Skabb casts Acid Grip! The Erinyes critically succeeds its saving throw. She tries Clinging Ice but it makes that save as well.

Hartvig looks to see who’s injured; Skabb, and himself. He casts Heal on Skabb and then himself. 51 hp back for Skabb! Only 7 back for himself though.

Augustus socks it in the tummy again - a miss. “Roll better!” Hartvig: “If in doubt, apply brine shark to the affected area.”

Luna shoots through Jorg’ath. “I’d prefer you didn’t.” “... I mean ‘around’, obviously.” 34 hits!

Nadia gets the howdy doodis! We spot a piece of magical pendant hanging around its neck as it falls to the ground, Luna scoops it up.

Both have equipment we can grab if we want; we leave it all except the arrows, which Luna takes. Nadia pries the striking runes out of the longbows.

Sprocket has some new artwork:

The DM suggests we continue our winning streak by taking on all the demons right now; we are less keen. We do a bit of healing and investigate another door; the one next to the fiery door on the western end of the main corridor. We sneak past the drill sergeant.

Luna and Skabb listen at the door while Nadia readies a crossbow shot. They hear the scrape of metal on stone, but not like big machinery. Like something with metal legs scraping them across the floor. Skabb thinks they sound like something we’ve come across before - dreshkans… Nadia hears what she knows to be an anvil. Luna hears the buzzing of wings; Skabb is delighted when she realises this might be one of the fat fly demons.

Dreshkans: Immune to electricity, uses Needle Darts, partly mechanical, can share each other’s space, part construct and part aberration. Luna can use her ability to give her extra damage, as she knows about these things.

We all want to go in right away - so we do! Skabb runs in, teeth gnashing with her new +1 striking grill, and gets a surprise round by herself.

Skabb: “It is! It’s a little chubby cunt!”

There are these, the dreshkans;

and some forge barbazu,

and Barcumbuk.

Initiative!

Luna goes first, hidden not least because they are all preoccupied with the small blue toddler who has just wandered in and taken a chunk out of one of them. 22 hits. Luna loosens the lid and Nadia finishes it off; Hartvig is a little afraid of them both now.

Boost Eidolon and Augustus squeezes a demon like a tube of toothpaste into Skabb’s mouth. Good old fashioned bonk from Jorgy. Critical hit and the second howdy doodis! He saws it in half, causing a fountain of blood for Skabb.

The DM wouldn’t blame Hartvig if he didn’t want to get in on this; he has definitely been sick in his mouth a bit. Needle Darts! 30 is another crit! 45 damage, holy fuck. Pew pew! He wins a Hero Point because that was quote “very un-cleric of you”. He holds his hands at arms’ length and stares at them, suddenly a little frightened of his own power.

A fly demon bites Jorgy but misses. A dreshkan hits him but only for 29 damage total. Skabb: “You! Get in my mouth!” She bites the fly demon, as it looks the juiciest. 29 hits for 12 piercing, it’s not an aberration but it takes the 12 regular damage. She thinks he’s delicious so she bites him again anyway, and spends the rest of the round chewing what she’s bitten off.

Cumberbatch casts a spell at Jorg’ath who announces that he doesn’t believe in magic and is therefore immune to spells. What’s his alignment? That’s an HR matter, you’re not allowed to ask that. Sprocket casts Summon Woke Work Environment. (Neutral, it turns out. He is aware that a spell was cast, and that it had no effect on him.) It nips into one of the rooms on the right side of the corridor and readies an attack.

Luna rushes up to flank the dreshkan with Jorgy and crits with her rapier! Howdydoodis! She skewers him to the wall. She pivots and rapiers the fly and hits again. Luna, expecting 21 to miss: “Oh, lovely!”

Nadia howdy doodises the fly (skewered like a kebab for Skabb to consume at her leisure) and shoots for cumberbatch but misses and reloads her crossbow.

Augustus rushes forward and looses the readied attack by the hidden demon but he commando rolls out of the way. He thunderpunches the dreshkan in the back of the head. Sprocket toddles forward.

Jorgy. “Yeeeaaahhh Boooouuyyyy! Look at this big dude.” Bloodgorger scythe, 13 damage plus 7 Force. Then a nice big bonk with his greatclub.

Hartvig scoots forward. “I move to there. I do Needles at this.” 17 Hero Point 16. He cuts himself on one of his needles. Skabb crits with her grill, and her target is an aberration - 39 damage!

Augustus hears a voice thanking him “for killing that fucking fly”, and then gets hit with a hammer. 34 hits him good. Technically a crit… Poor old Gusty. 48 damage total, including 5 evil damage as they are good-aligned. Then hits him again, and a third time.

The dreshkan turns to the lizard and strikes with its glaive, 12 damage and he takes an Infernal Wound giving him 4 persistent bleed damage. Fortitude save: 31. DM: “Damn you, lizard!”

Luna shoots the Dreshkan with her shortbow and kills it! Pinned to the wall. Nadia rushes up, intending to aim for the Cumberbatch, but rushes right past a dreshkan. She turns to shoot it instead, and hits.

Augustus hits Bumblecunt with a Fist Slam Thunder Thump, and crits! 45 damage! Sprocket slams a potion.

Jorgy says it’s slashin’ time, his 30 backs this up and he does Root in Blood as well. Another slash but he misses.

Hartvig. “Yes, I’m glad you asked.” Augie and Jorgy are looking poorly so he does Augustus a level 3 Heal.

Skabbins will ride her goblin dog, DM: "leaving a trail of farts and dander behind her as she goes". She wants to Blazing Dive but is discouraged due to the fact that she will hit her friends as well. Sulkily: “Fine, I’ll turn into a dinosaur instead.”

Barbie does a volley of arrows at a bunch of us. No, it’s his hammer! He crits against Nadia and Jorg’ath. The dreshkan bleeds to death.

Luna is AFK, so Sprocket moves for her. Only the dickhead with the hammer is still alive, so she shoots but misses. She hides behind Jorg’ath and all 13 of his remaining hit points for her last action.

Nadia does 68 damage on her turn (“When I’m good, I’m good”), and then notices that this place seems to be a remodeled torture chamber. It seems to be a forge… She is pleased.

Sprocket has Augustus do another ThunderThump for 17 damage, and takes a potion. Seeing that Cummerbund is near death, Jorg’ath goes all in on his attacks. “How’s he looking’?” The DM rolls a perception check. “Oh, he’s fucked,” he announces, laughing. 29 to hit and he is down to his last hit point. Jorgy softens him up for Skabb to chomp.

Hartvig is up, and he does Jorg’ath another big heal: 18 plus 24! 42 juicy hit points.

Skabbasaurus Rex is up and she will give the barbie a little nibble. Can she speak, as a dinosaur? Long discussion, but yes she can. She considers interrogating him, but decides to just nom him instead. Red 17, which she Hero Points for 26. She does just the teeniest little nibble with her teeth. Once he’s dead she shakes the shit out of him. She wants to see bits hitting the walls.

The fire around his hammer blinks out as he dies, annoyingly. There are storage cells along this corridor, which are repurposed cells. One, however, is locked. Luckily, we have a rogue! We push her toward the locked door. She can’t hear anything in there, so she picks the lo- waaaaait, she checks for traps first. No traps that she can find. Thievery check: 31. The door clicks open, and she sees a standard explosive arrow, 3 spell arrows, red dragon’s breath potions, and some alchemist’s fires, all of which she puts in her bag.

Pitch, oil, arrows, weapon supplies in the other storage cells.

Nadia checks out the forge. She realises that it’s a Hellforge, but she lacks the skill to use it except as an ordinary forge. We could destroy it with holy water. She notices five cold iron chunks, 2 silver chunks and an adamantine chunk. We give a cold iron chunk and the adamantine chunk to Hartvig for his Needle Darts spell, and Nadia makes some ammunition for Luna, Skabb and herself:

20 cold iron arrows for Luna 20 cold iron bullets for Nadia 20 silver bullets for Skabb and 20 for Nadia

She keeps the other two chunks of cold iron, and people will let her know if they want her to make anything else with them. And we call it there!

[abominationvault]

Session 66 Sat 1 Mar 2025

Notes minimal as I am trying to play Pathfinder more and document a bit less! Last week there was a Warden, and some will’o’wisps, and we beat them. Skabb got the howdy doodis! We found some broken clocks, Nadia wants to take a look at those and maybe make some more bombs. We are looking at fighting the devil army thing? I think?

We have four more doors to boot down, so let’s get on with it!

Well we pop back to town first and fix some debuffs. No-one is diseased, but Hartvig is stupefied and wounded. Nadia fails to make some healing grenades (but does make some acid flasks) and Jorg’ath sells some stuff that’s been weighing him down. He also has his crow wife add some voddy to some of his potions. He gifts her the rhubarb crumble he won in the Christmas special; for some reason this seems to charm her.

Something about the tarrasque. What is the pathfinder equivalent? Well, it's called the Tarrasque:

Right, what now? Quartermaster and a blacksmith, that was it. They have the next bits of the amulet we're looking for.

Skabb checks for secret doors. She presses her belly against the glass at the imp; it presses its buttocks back at her. No secret doors. We go back to where the army of flesh warps was doing drills. They don’t seem enthusiastic. Wait, is the drill sergeant the quartermaster? The DM suggests we go up and ask him; we don’t do that.

We sneak and go exploring, following Luna’s lead, and find the door behind which the imp said there was something that some people would consider treasure. Luna opens it quietly to see something, but the DM has to search for an Osyluth handout… please wait…

It is Large. As compared to Jorg’ath’s extra-medium. Luna thinks it looks bored. It’s lying on the floor curled up like a dog. She thinks it might be guarding something. There are carvings; does she recognise them? They look newer than this place. Almost like they’re doodles, drawn by perhaps a bored creature? They think if we talk to it, it might tell us some information. We leave the tank(s) outside. Skabb grabs Hartvig by the ear and drags him in with her.

They open the door. Does Skabb understand Infernal? Nope. It says something but none of us understand it. It tries again in Draconic: “I am guarding this room and under contract that none must pass through this room.” It sounds bored. The contract is with Urevian; it does not have a copy.

Skabb hears “I wonder. If your soul is consumed, do you consume yourself?” She repeats it and asks if any of us understand; general consensus is no. Jorg’ath hears “Who are you if you are no one?” Then he hears “I see you.”

Skabb hears “Tell me, what are you and your friends doing here? In this room specifically.” She feels compelled to tell the truth. We were wondering what was in here. We’re on a bigger mission to get past this level of the dungeon. Don’t stay long, she is warned, or he might destroy us.

She asks if his contract were null and void, would he still have to defend this room? No. Can he tell us what’s on the other side of the door? Why should he tell us, he says. Because she asked him a question and has already truthfully answered his.

What can her friends do? She stinks of magic, what about the rest of us? Varied talents. The doll is more knowledgeable than he should be, Skabb says. And inexplicably pleasant.

The doors lead to a summoning chamber, but that’s not any use to us. What would he do for us if we agreed to destroy his contract, Nadia asks? If we were to kill him and destroy the contract, he wouldn’t have to come back. He’s bored, he wants a scrap, we think. Scrappin’ and romancing crows is Jorg’ath’s specialty, and he’s already done one of those today.

We close the door and have a discussion. Skabb wants to ask the imp. Does the big’un have weaknesses? She will tell us if we make a deal. The same one it made with Nadia, but Nadia knows about the hidden clause. Skabb agrees - if the imp will tell her at least two weaknesses and any immunities. Weak to Good damage (from Clerics or Paladins). “Pleasure doing business!” Any immunities? Yes, fire.

We can do recall knowledge with a bonus. Skabb suggests dragging Osyluth to Hartvig’s spa, while the DM does the rolling. Between us we know it is also resistant to physical damage including magical weapons with the exclusion of silver, it is resistant to poison, has a bone shard attack (AoE) and can go invisible. It is a fiend and a devil.

Hartvig has Needle Darts and a chunk of silver, Nadia has some silver bullets, and Skabb has some silver pieces and a sling. And if we agree to destroy his contract, he will hold back. Skabb readies her Wand of See Invisibility and we go in…

Skabb uses her Ichthyosis Mutagen and we shout through the door “we agree to your bargain! Prepare to die!”

“Are we doing this?” the Osyluth asks Jorg’ath. Big thumbs-up, and he nods. Jorg’ath gozzes on him. Reflex save, he takes half of 29 force damage. Initiative…

26 hits when flanked by Luna. Sprocket summons a bone snake! Jorgy’s Bloodgorger Scythe and his Root in Blood ability both work, as the monster doesn’t specifically say “bloodless”. Lol. Oh no, it’s already taking persistent bleed damage from Luna, so Root in Blood doesn’t work. Booh. Hartvig does Needle Darts! And it works! It takes all the damage as it’s not resistant to silver.

It wipes off Nadia’s acid flask, which does at least waste an action. It also tries to patch up its bleeding, which is another action. It fails! It stings Jorg’ath - 38 is a crit… He takes 65 piercing and 4 evil damage, but only if he’s good - he’s neutral so no. No poison as he’s holding back.

Nadia gives it more acid damage with her next shot. Luna strikes out, and Skabb opens a door. Augustus does a bad bonk, then a good one. Bone snake does a casual bite but misses. Jorg’ath grapples the tail to stop it stinging anyone else, but fails. Hartvig Heals him and wins a Hero Point for some good Clericing; he accepts it grudgingly.

Jorg’ath gets critted again but is resistant to dickhead damage. Nadia misses, fails a risky reload and her gun jams. (Interact to clear it). She switches to Liar’s Gun.

Skabb misses with her sling and tries a spell; it takes half damage. Augustus gets the Howdy Doodis! He brings his fists down and shatters its head.

Skabb leaps on Hartvig and begs for some healing. He makes a note to put out an ad for a cleric when we get back to town; he will pay for it out of his own pocket. Skabb asks to cuddle the bone snake.

NOTE: WE MUST FIND OSYLUTH’S CONTRACT AND DESTROY IT.

Sprocket asks us to reach over him and open the next door. Big altar with water dripping onto a platform. Six heavy chains suspend a pentagram on a disc. He spots two Erinyes.

“You’re the summoner. Come in, we have questions,” they say to him.

“It’s a little bit warm in here.” Danny Glover. He goes in and gets a Hero Point for innocently, naively wandering in.

They were hoping he’d come here. They point at the pentagram. It was a temporary portal to hell; they want to make it permanent. How can they do that, they ask him? They would have to repeatedly cast the teleportation spell over time, he knows. What would this information be worth to them, Sprocket asks? Would they be willing to sign a contract? Emphatic no. If he helps them, they will kill him quickly, how does that sound?

Sprocket nods and runs full speed out of the room on his little toddler legs, slams the door on his way out. Initiative, or Sprocket can sacrifice Augustus. Sprocket un-summons him; the Erinyes go to pick him up and he vanishes. He has ruined their fun. We need to fuck ‘em up.

Hartvig does Jorgy a big heal. “You really are the MVP.” We bosh some potions and roll up our sleeves for another rumble. We’ll pick up there next week as Hartvig is feeling a bit poorly.