abyssalcreator21

[abyssalcreator21]

#5

Hey. It has been a long time since I wrote in my journal. Kind of drained within the last one and a half month due to mandatory overtimes, calls that needed to be hit per day, and other metrics that needed to be taken care of. Sometimes or most of the time, I don't have the time to write or share anything on my blog right now due to feeling exhausted with my schedules. But it's fine, as long as it pays the bills at home and also I do have a routine for my adult life, it is fine for this moment. It's not like I'll be here for a long time, just until I settle my payments with my debts. Right now, I just felt like writing because I really like this new music I'm listening to right now and it's called Multo by Cup of Joe. An indie band from Manila and I really love their music especially with their other songs. But this one hits differently because I get this vibe when I feel like the multo or ghost in my life is the what ifs, decisions, and actions that I should have taken to pursue my passion but however since I'm too much comfortable in my comfort zone and my usual perspective about the world, I didn't make the step to pursue the needed actions to chase what I love. Lots of what ifs and what should have been if I chose this action instead of this one. Like I'm being haunted by my past reminding me of my failures. But however this song also reminds me that despite having these ghosts of our past, I have to embrace them because it made me become wiser and stronger in the moving years. Right now, my life has really drastically changed from a gun-ho cosplayer who has a world of my own to being an adult who prefers staying at home and adjusting with the environments which I'm at. I just seldom meet with my friends, checking on them sometimes, prefer being at home either sleeping or scrolling on social media, always dill-dallying about exercising which I haven't made a single progress within this year. Honestly, there are a lot of people that I knew before are just ghosts of the past and they all have their personal lives. And that made me realize how important it is to choose the circle of friends whom you can say they are already your trusted family even if you don't share any familial blood. To accept that change is constant and it is important to value and love myself more than anything else. Right now, I'm working as a call center agent, figuring out the next steps I should take, earning a two digit salary with lots of deductions, just being in the circle of different people but just for a short time. I just accepted right now the fact that it's a different chapter already in my life. Already in my mid-twenties and somehow feeling like I'm on the verge of a quarter life crisis. It's like I'm surviving instead of living my life to the fullest but despite the downs, I'll still have to move forward and be strong for the people that I love, my family, my girlfriend, my friends, take one step at a time indeed.

[abyssalcreator21]

I HAD FUN LAST NIGHT

It was an enjoyable experience I had last night attending the corporate party that we have in our company. Employees wearing their best suits, dresses and gowns and just had a fun time last night. The experience I had last night is just one of my highlights for this year. I hope to enjoy this again next year because it's really fun, I had tons of fun last night and I just enjoyed it so much. Dancing and just enjoying the night away indeed. But somehow remembering what I did last night, I felt like the secondhand embarrassment just kicks in late hahahahahaha. Damn, I was really feeling it last night, you know, wishing that I wasn't that gun-ho last night but it is what it is, at least I've controlled my liquor but the flaming shot really kicked in last night and look how strut myself in the dancefloor and just let myself pour out my inner grooves but yeah, I really learned how crazy I was last night hahahaha. I hope I won't be teased later when I get back to work because I really remembered most of the parts of how crazy I was hahahaa. Well, I had fun and I'll remember this as the first highlight of my year.

[abyssalcreator21]

CATCHING UP WITH A FRIEND.

It's normal and humane for someone to need for companionship. Even for me, I have my friends that I spent time with and also give time to bond. In the last year, I haven't been in touch with my friends due to how busy I am and also even though I have the time to hang out with them, my social energy is still drained and I kept making excuses. But I just want to change that pace for this new year, since yesterday, I just had a quality time with my closest friend and we just talked a lot about how life has been for the both of us. Well, the dynamic hasn't changed and we treat each other as siblings. It's good to have a change of pace in my life in terms of keeping in touch with my friends, I find it relaxing and fun to catch up with them, see how they're doing with their life, and just spend quality time with them. I've been really into work mode a lot over the past year and my routine was just going to work, spend 8 hours taking calls, and then go home and sleep. There are days where I feel I want to bond with them, hangout, but the exhaustion I felt from work makes me feel like I just wanted more time for myself. Honestly, this year, I just really wanted to catch up with them and spend quality time as much as possible. I just want to let myself be loose from my financial strains by not thinking of them too much. I'm really facing a tough time right now managing my finances and also making sure to cater to all of my responsibilities but I'll be fine either way, it's adulting we're talking about. I'm already an adult, who wants a private life, and also wanted to spend time with my friends. 🥰

[abyssalcreator21]

A NEW YEAR INDEED.

Following today that this is the new year and I'm facing a brand new set of experiences that will give me lessons and also help me to become a better person. I would just like to thank the past year for all of the good experiences I've experienced and I cannot really count how many was it but I'm glad to have savored them all. Especially with the team building, catching up with some of my old friends, doing what I did love to do before and achieving financial relief somehow but right now I'm really in a tight peril. I've not been really consistent in my entries for over the past year and the branding of my entries was over the place like I don't have a certain consistency with what I should write but despite struggles of not being able to write consistently and also being lacking the effort to push through with the ideas of what I should write for a poem, short story or whatsoever, I just like to thank myself for still having the time to pursue writing and this year, I would really love to push myself to have the consistency to push through with my writing career. This is really one of my new year's goals that I want to push through, having consistency in my writing and posting again a daily record of how I did today. I cannot really count how many good and bad experiences that I could write as an entry but I would like to start with this one: financial management and freedom.

My salary goes with 17k. And honestly I've been working on a tedious night shift from night to morning, taking an average of 30 to 40 calls, managing my KPI's, and living a life of drinking coffee and taking vitamins to lose my sleepiness. And when the payday is on its way, I'm glad to have that money in my ATM and make sure to spend it wisely in the finances that I have, groceries, internet, providing some allowances for the family. A 360 experience for me since I'm a working adult right now and I got my college degree. Yet I'm facing problems right now in terms of my debts from online lending apps and honestly, a whopping huge amount to pay and to settle. A different sense of anxiety itself and stress that I've given to myself. When it comes to managing my expenses, I usually spend them for in game purchases and subscriptions that I just use temporarily, I didn't have the discipline in managing my money and just spent it whenever I'd like to. Now, I'm in a burden with a lot of debt and I'm intending to pay it all, I usually go on rest day overtime and work for straight 8 hours and go home, sleep for at least 6 to 8 hours and then do it all over again. That's how my routine went by for the year 2024, working all day long for a certain amount of money but it's already sufficient for me since I don't have a family of my own right now but someday I'll have my own once we've settled in with my girlfriend, Vernalyn with the finances that needs to be settled. So for this year, I would like to master the mindset of spending your money for the things you need and removing unnecessary expenses, I would love to discipline myself with how I spend my money and also to calm myself in my current situation. This is one of the toughest challenges I have right now and I have no one to rely on but myself in order to pay for my debts. I'm going to make sure this year that all of my expenses are going to be prioritized to be used in investing for my skills, my value in work, contributing to the expenses at home, and most especially paying my debts. I'll really have a bad credit score for not paying on time but it won't matter as long as I'm paying it all. It will be stressful, I'll be choked out by this, but I'll be fine at the end of the day. I'll make sure this year my ultimate goal is to be financially responsible with my expenses and that's what I'll note in myself for the upcoming months ahead, to keep track of my repayments. Wishing myself for a debt free goal this year and also managing my finances.

[abyssalcreator21]

#4

Just to continue from the past entry, I'll really miss being on this team because I really had a fun time with my teammates and they are really accommodating to me. I had also made a close friend within the team and she's fun to hang out with. Well, there are just a lot of fun and interactive moments while I am in the team and I feel like when coming to work every single day, I don't feel isolated. I felt like I'm having a social life also. Yet one of the things I really won't forget is the coaching sessions I had with TL Gelo, every session that we had in terms about my DSAT's, missed opportunities on the call, all of them have been engraved on my mind and I just apply it in my call handling. He is strict when it comes to attendance and making sure that the team metrics are doing okay and that's what I like about him being a team leader, competitive and knows how to deal with people just like with TL Shane. Well I'm glad that I have been under their guidance and they taught me a lot on how to survive in this business. Well, we haven't talked much about our personal lives that often but I do see with TL Gelo that he is really connecting with his team and making sure that work is not always being serious but having fun as well. The teambuilding that we had is one of the following proofs of that. Well, one of those funny moments is that I piggybacked him when we have swam in the sea because I'm not that really good of a swimmer and my teammates laughed at me for that because I'm like a kid who needs a help on an adult in reaching out something. I know that was awkward but he understood it and that is fine with him but next time we will have our teambuilding, I hope that it won't come to that point hahahaha. And also I like how he is professional at work and making sure that the performance of the team is in perfect shape, although not all of the times that we had good days in terms about our performance, he still make sure to coach us properly and remind us in how we do our work as agents. All in all, I had a fun time with the team, enjoying some team lunches with the team, talking to my teammates about random stuff outside of work, yeah, I can't dictate them all in all. But I'll really miss the fun moments I had with this team and I'll also carry on the action plan and learnings I've learned from him and also from TL Shane, I really had good team leaders during the last 7 months and I hope I will have a good time moving forward in being a call center agent at Ubiquity. It has been a good three months being with TL Gelo and hopefully I'll be able to be back on the team again.

[abyssalcreator21]

#3

Hey, what's up, tumblr world! I'm back and it has been quite some time since I had last wrote an entry on my blog. Well, I know I haven't been consistent in terms about my writing schedule but at least I'm still doing it, right? Well, there are too many things that I had experienced in the last few months but I'll just have to share what is one of the core memories I have while I'm working in Ubiquity right now. And that is being with one of the members of Team Gelo or his real name is Michael Angelo. Well, today marks the last day that I'll be on the team because I have been transferred right now to Carebay, so it means that I'll have to work on my scorecards so I don't get fired and make sure that I'll still be on this job because damn, I really need the money right now and I am just tight on my budget right now due to series of loans and lots of bills to take care off, but it is what it is since I'm officially an adult and I have to live everyday figuring out to balance my work life, personal life, and social life. I still need this job right now so being in Carebay moving forward means I'll have to work on in improving some of my KPI's like my AHT and also my FCR since those are my metrics that I'll really need to work on but I know everything will just work out efficiently, I'll just have to do my part in incorporating the action plan and the coaching opportunities I had discussed with our team leader. Going back to the main topic, well actually one of my core memories in working here in Ubiquity for almost seven months is being with TL Gelo. At first, I am so intimidated by him since I don't know him that much but as times goes by, well I've gotten closer to our TL and I can say, I learned a lot of stuff about him like how to improve my call handling, being conversational in the calls and not being transactional, and also ensuring that the customer experience is the upmost priority when taking in calls. During the last three months, well it has been hard to keep with my KPI and I failed the last three months of my scorecard. Well, I'm not proud of it but I would say I really did my best to get on the green line but it seems luck doesn't favor me that often. I tend to improve my scorecard although from 1.8 to 2.8 and I would say the numbers that I generate are fair but not all the times it is always rainbows and chocolates for me. Yet TL Gelo just always reminds me just to learn from your mistakes and do your best next time. Right now, I'm dwelling on the mindset that in every call that I take, I make sure that I learned from my previous calls and I had applied the techniques, tone of voice, and also being careful with my choice of words to provide to the customer to the succeeding calls that I had take and lot where it go me, well improved KPI scores, not hitting the passing mark but still I'm not being downgrade. I just lean on the mindset right now not to pressure myself of hitting the best numbers but just follow the action plan that was provided and take responsibility on my mistakes. It's not everyday that I would like to strictly follow the action plan because there are just these moments where I feel like I'm on the tip of the iceberg ready to course a huge wave making a big ruckus but I just maintain a cool mind and managing to control my anger. I'm glad to manage my moods during some of my previous calls where the customers I've talked too are really pissing me off but I just stick with the mindset to calm and to just let them rant or vent, do not be carried away by the emotions you feel. It's still kind of hard to adjust being calm at most times in taking calls especially talking to customers who have huge issues on their account really drains me but I've learned to take a break sometimes and to make sure that in my future calls moving forward until the end of my shift, I'll let go of what happened in the past call and focus on helping the new customer. Surely I'll miss being with the team but as of the moment right now, I'll need to focus on the new team that I'm assigned on.

[abyssalcreator21]

Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. ☺️☺️☺️

[abyssalcreator21]

#2

Hello, dear self. I know it has been a long time since I've wrote on my blog and I've promised to write often but somehow these last few months have been exhausting, fun, and somehow I've learned a lot of things especially when how draining it is to figure out things on your own.

I've been already 6 months in my current company here at Ubiquity. Already a full pledge regular employee who has an average salary but still working around to improve my financial literacy or should I say worsen it. Every day that I work here when I entered the production, I've seen different faces, different personalities, how they dress, and how they express themselves just like a canvas, a painting with a lot of variations. I've wondered somehow in each one of these persons working, what is their reason they are managing to work on a graveyard shift and taking calls for 8 hours facing a lot of Americans who had issues with their cards, by the way I'm working in a financial account. Then, I've realized we all have different stories inside the production and reasons why we work, not just for money, but also to have a sense of fulfillment that we are not just sitting ducks waiting for a loaf of bread to be thrown at a pond. We're hustling in order to get our own food. And me, I'm just one of these people who works for a certain reason and I'm working my ass off everyday just to manage in paying some bills and taking off some responsibilities that my parents were the ones who take. Yet, I'm still figuring things out with my life. What shall I focus? Are my goals that I envision for myself are the ones that's going to be my end goal? But sometimes I tend to be reminded of my conscience that you don't have to think it but to act upon it because how can dreams can be realized when you're always in the state of comfort and mediocrity. I really admit to myself that a lot of writeups or entries that I had wrote several months or years ago has these lines that I will improve this and that but at the end of the day, I didn't accomplish so much yet I won't invalidate what I had achieved in my life even though a lot of bad things had happened. It's already a blessing that I've got to work 6 months already in a company and have myself improve on my call handling and typing skills which are one of my skill sets that I've developed yet somehow I'm still wondering why I'm always on the same ground and I'm not growing as an individual. Maybe I'm just too hard on myself or maybe I'm just comfortable with what I have now. I don't know. And that's what I want to outgrow about myself, the feeling that I don't know where to go but I have to start trying to make a path in order to discover what I really love to do. Writing is in my for a long time and I'm really passionate ever since then yet what lacks me is the consistency to improve myself. In all aspects of my life it feels like I'm too much comfortable in living in my own little world and I'm not stepping out that much in the harsh world where I will really have to learn skills and take responsibilities, learn to deal with different people, have a social life, have time for myself to improve my physique and mind, absorb productive mindsets about money, relationships, and etc. Honestly, the pace that I'm taking on isn't letting me grow, I felt like I'm always stuck but earlier my conscience reminds me that I should work on the things that matter right now:

1. How I handle my paycheck and finances.

2. Improve my physique and mental health.

3. Honing my skills in writing and have myself be immersed again in being a writer.

4... no need to overload myself in what I need to improve because I just need to take things one step at a time. What matters to me right now is to improve the areas that I've identified. Well, what I'll have to do, I'll just have to be consistent about working out these goals for now and keep track of my improvements.

Best of luck to me, Thedarkwriter16!

[abyssalcreator21]

#1

Well, hello again to my dear literary self, it has been a long time since I have decided to take interest in writing something. Of course, it wasn't easy either way to write an experience that I didn't savor and delight yet with the past months, there are such great things that happened with my life right now. My girlfriend and I reaching the third year of our relationship, I am settling up with my new life as a call center agent, and I do make new friends in my workplace. Everything is just anew in my life. it's just great. But I know also that in the past, a lot of things happened also that gave me trauma and anxiety and somehow I do carry some of them in my mind resulting in overthinking in what if's and what then. Yet I don't mind about it anymore right now. Just like my trainer in my current work is currently reminding us that we shall know how to embrace what happened and keep a step forward with our lives. We cannot deal what happened in the past but we can better ourselves on how we deal on our future struggles and hardships. That's why as of this moment, I just want to let go all of the burden I have been putting on myself. It's just tiring to keep myself having this pity party where I always constantly beating up myself for what happened in the past. As of this moment, I just wanna let go and tell myself, "What's done is done. I have to move on." And that is what I am living up within this past month, to never put much pressure on myself in being perfect on how my life is working. I have my moments with my friends even though we are not spending much time together, it's fine. I have my downfall days, it's fine. I had my series of mistakes in my call handling during my nesting period right now in my second account, it's fine. Whatever happened today, whatever shit or delight that I am experiencing, I'm just gonna savor it today and by the next day, I'll just move on from it and learn from yesterday's experiences. Honestly, I really feel grateful right now with my current company because my mental health is gradually improving. I am being myself and also in the same time my colleagues are friendly and all of us are communicating with each other. And what delights me more is how my trainer right now in my current company really helped me to value living in the present and not being stuck up in the past. Right now, I have my current struggles in terms of managing my intrusive thoughts. I'm not happy with having the urges to do these things but I'm just managing day by day to avoid giving up on the thought. I always think to myself that I should had live a perfect life where I had a close set of friends, great childhood, a smooth flow of honing my career, figuring out what my calling is even though I'm still young, and all smooth sailing events that I have envisioned on my life. But now realizing what our trainer told me now, I just live a great life. I had my good days, I had my bad days, I had my days when I'm motivated to write just like today and I had my days when I feel shit about myself and that's perfectly fine because that's how life is. Every day is a different experience, a different learning, and that's what help us to mold our entire persona. As of this moment, I just want to change how I look about my life every single day. I know that it's a roller coaster ride and I had done my share of good deeds and bad apple moments, but that's fine, I don't want to linger in the what if's of the events that happened, I just want to savor what I'm experiencing and what lessons I will get from every new experience I make. I know in myself that I haven't been consistent that much in my writing phase, It's really hard actually not being able to be consistent in reading books, developing my skill, and not being able to acquire much opportunities to write, but still here I am at this moment, I'm still writing and that's what matters to me right now, "If I'm typing on my keyboard, having this feeling that I want to write something that comes out from my experience, I'm still a writer."

Actually by looking into this blog page of mine, I can really see how my writing has been for the last couple of years. I had a lot of things that I did share at those moments and sometimes when I had the time, I kept looking at these blog entries and come to see how I've grown as a writer. Sometimes I just love this side of me, being creative and wanting to share my inner creativity and point of view about something, it's really one of the foundations of my personality, my love for writing. Although it hasn't been consistent and I have these tendencies that I can't continue to type anymore what's in my head, well, I just want to embrace the mindset of being in the present that it's fine, it's a day by day process, as long the drive is in me, I can still find an opportunity to push into my career as a writer. I know an opportunity will come someday, I'm definitely gonna get it.

[abyssalcreator21]

--THIS BLOG PAGE WILL START OVER AGAIN FROM THE TOP.--

[abyssalcreator21]

Adulting Things #6

As pretty disappointed that I am not fit for my first work, I'd say it has been a good experience for me to at least taste the hardships of the real world. Well, this week marks my first week of being unemployed, I had work for Accolade at least for two months and honestly it was a good experience at first but in the latter parts, I've been drove to shitty performance in my work. In honesty, I just haphazardly jump into this company full of vigor and grit and after three months of being in this company, well here I am now, having such a shitty performance and I'm still like a sheep being preyed into a pack of wolves who are already adapted to hunt. I have my set of goals in this company and actually I tried to achieve them, but trying isn't a mindset that you have to develop when you are looking for a job, it takes the word effort and beyond the boundary phrase to survive in this harsh world. As I have expected in myself, I'm still naive in this phase of my life, just doing so-so work and as a result I ended up jeopardizing the quality of my transcripts and there hasn't been room for any improvement. In myself I know I am slipping on this cliff but I am just waiting for the right time to let go and that was it on October 19, 2023, I decided to quit on the first company I worked on and to be honest, the disappointment is there. When I walked home and lavish a Cornetto cone, I really felt disappointed in that time that I haven't really pushed that hard to let myself immerse in this job but then, there are already a lot of signs telling me that this is not the right workplace for me which I realized it isn't. Maybe there is a better work for me soon and right now I just need for myself to rest and to take a time off in pressuring myself that I should go all-out because I have already achieve my first aim. Now the lessons I have imparted from this company like research the job you are applying with, dreams can be put on a pause because of the necessity of money, and learn how to voice up, well that kind of things are what I truly absorbed during my counseling with my supervisor and honestly I'm just wasting their time there being patient with me and not seeing any results, so I think this decision is the best route I should take to at least not bring any burden to the company because of my lack of discipline and interest to push myself to be better in this company. As of right now, I'm just taking a break in looking for work and soon I'll get on the track but before I'll get through that, well, there are things that I really have to improve and assess within myself in the next couple of months of my break.

[abyssalcreator21]

Adulting Things # 5

Today marks the end of my student life because officially I'm a graduate today and I'm facing the new chapter in my life where I have to be a responsible adult and discover a lot of new things about myself through experience. Well, right now, I am actually training at Accolade Resources as a transcriptionist, and today supposed to be the day I'll do live files, but before I snap back again into the world of transcribing, today is the day in which I just enjoyed the feeling of being done with all of the performance tasks, tests, quizzes, and I just feel the sense of accomplishment having my bachelor's degree and already conclude my chapter on being a student. I had a fun time earlier at graduation seeing my fellow course mates taste the sense of fulfillment of getting their diplomas and their parents witnessing them walk to the stage with heads up high. Of course in my part also, it was just a fulfilling moment for me because finally I'm done with being a student and I have repaid my parent's effort for me to reach this final line. I'm just happy that they see me walk to the stage, getting my diploma, and being proud of my accomplishment. At last, I'm a degree holder already. Yet, I know this is just the start of a much fulfilling and much difficult phase of my life which is adulting. I'm actually having my training right now in Accolade Resources as a transcriptionist and tomorrow I'll start working on live files already. Based on my previous results, well, my accuracy is still low and I have still some issues in terms to specs, mishears, and important aspects to remember when transcribing an audio. Yet, the stress itself is diminished knowing that I have good time with my peers and we just talk about how pissed we are at some files or how confident we are in some of it, well, I got a great camaraderie with my workmates. But soon, we'll get lesser if there are some of my batchmates which can be possibly eliminated due to a bad performance and that is the reality of work that I had realized that it is always the survival of the fittest and a so-so performance is not recommendable if you are aiming to stay longer in your desired workplace. Although, the pay is minimum, well, I'm still getting experience and that's what I'm aiming in looking for jobs that will suit my set of skills and help to land a better one in the. But expected in the world of work, there's going to be a lot of disappointments, failures, rejections, and people who will throw shit at you, yet it is up to you in the end whether to bounce back or to stop trying to achieve something. That's why I anticipated already that the live files that I'll transcribe will be challenging but I just have to be composed and do my best to avoid failing, but either way, failures are not avoidable but you can learn from it and refrain from repeating the same mistakes. I still have a lot of requirements to pass and to update like my SSS, Pag-ibig, PhilHealth, and even my TIN before probation period starts. And also, maintain a healthy relationship with my girlfriend and keeping myself at present and sane despite of the anxiety attacks that I have. Honestly, I'm still at the adjustment phase especially at work, I'm not yet that good in handling my emotions in the workplace, sometimes I'm not professional in the workplace, or even being sleepy in the middle of the work during the noon, that's why I'm really packed in drinking caffeine but I have to consider that it's not healthy for me to drink a lot of coffee because it sometimes trigger even dreadful anxiety attacks to the point that my intrusive thoughts are much frequent. Starting tomorrow, everything about my life will be different. I'm not dealing anymore with books but I'm dealing with how life can be rewarding to have but somehow challenging you as always of your limits as a person.

[abyssalcreator21]

Adulting Things # 4

I had started my training today as a transcriber in Accolade Resources and honestly it was a surprise for me being introduced to a lot of new terms in the corporate world. About salaries, sanctions, benefits, and the feeling of exhaustion when you get home after a long day's work. It is really a different world when you are already in a job and by God's blessing in me, I landed in one right even before I graduate, so it is two birds in one stone for me in this period. I had also co-acquainted with my co-trainees and they are also in the same age bracket as me, young, driven, and with work experiences already. But despite of me not having a work experience right now, I'd also like to step up my game in the corporate world and maintain a job where I can provide money for my own and contribute a least for the family. At least I had a good start right now, what matters is how I maintain my pace while also facing with my personal struggles in my mind. It might not be easy but at least I have to gut up my nerves in developing a mindset of steel because what I learned right now that as an adult, the game is different and you have to push yourself to step up.

I learned in the hard way while taking care of my pre-requirements in work is that you have to be prepared to wake up early in the morning and move your ass very fast because the world will not adjust with you. You have to adjust to the norms of the adulting life. Getting important documents, setting up an appointment, learning to be patient in your turn to process a document, and absorb a lot of new terms in your pre-work orientation if you are a fresh graduate. It has already been two days that I have a continuous travel from getting requirements, attending the training, and a lot of priorities, honestly, it's exhausting but it is a learning experience for me. I see now how difficult it is to feel relaxed if you a regular employee and a breadwinner in your family, you have to really learn how to be financially wise in your expenses or else you'll be a one day millionaire if you don't know how to budget your money. I'm still new to the game in the corporate world but I hope that working in this company will let me discover what career path I shall pursue in the future. For now, I know that in the long run, it may seem to be tiring and exhausting, but I just have to balance things in my life right now. My training, my time for my girlfriend, my hobbies, and a lot of things to consider and organize in my mid 20's. This is just the start of the roller coaster ride of my life after graduation. I know even though I felt like I want to give up. I'd push myself to strive on away because I am not a quitter.

[abyssalcreator21]

Adulting Thoughts # 3

It has been a while since I wrote an entry on my blog. A lot of things had happened during the month and I had been for a social media detox for two straight weeks already. Time is just fast anyways but somehow it's just sucks to wait for too long for graduation. Still one month to go and I'm itching to get my diploma. Most of the time, I just play mobile games, watch movies with my girlfriend, or even sleep a lot ever since I'm done with my studies and a got a good grade from it. Now, I am waiting for two interviews that i have tried to apply on and wait for their response for an interview. I'm just keeping my contacts open, but Facebook, it has been two to three weeks already since I deactivated my account because of private reasons. I have been just this reserved person in my home that I don't have any updates in how are the people I knew from online are doing. Yeah, after two to three weeks, I've learned just in this little scope of time. First, trust only a few people that you want to be close with, and second, you don't have to publicize your life on social media, because once it backbites you, you'll get traumatized of going back. Being distressed to whatever shit you have experienced online. I get that right now because it had happened to me and honestly, it drives me now to be off-grid. I just instantly gone from being publicly present online to becoming a ghost in the social media scene. It takes for a while for me to recover from the karma I received from what I have done. Now, I'm better at least but somehow the humiliation has given me the wake-up call to leave the community I thought I am blending well already, but in a matter of seconds, it gets ruined by a simple mistake and honestly it leaves a bad taste in my mouth being talked all over a group chat and it leaves a permanent reminder in me that I don't have to be friendly with anyone. I could blend in but I need to be more vigilant to whom I wanted to be part of my inner circle. I'd still have my friends with me that constantly updates of how I am doing and we haven't bonded that much since they are also busy with their individual lives. Now, I'm just here at home waiting for updates about graduation. I'd still have a long way for self-improvement and to be honest, it's quite hard to adjust yet but I'm just working on it. As my uncle said, move on with my life and leave anything toxic behind. Well, I like it anyway that I am invisible again. I don't like to give a fuck anyway to other people's comments about me of what I have did. I know my mistakes, it's just draining to deal with it that I have to fix my reputation or build a redemption arc. Fuck it. I'll simply leave and never go back again. I'm fine anyways of protecting my peace now. I wanna maintain this after all for the rest of my life. Having my personal privacy being protected and never be present again in social media.

[abyssalcreator21]

Adulting Thoughts#2

Our allowance was released last week and imagine how much money do I have left. 315 pesos in my Gcash and the 5,000 is in the hold of my mother which I know if I ask her for that money to pay for my subscriptions, I'll be definitely screwed. Honestly, doing my classmates work in her portfolio truly helped me to pay for the softbound and chased the deadline of the passing of the work internship portfolio. The 2k that I have was just gone in a mere week and I have my share of good spent money and also bad ones. In terms of managing money, I'm still a novice on that because I'd still find myself spending my dough fast which is normal for a young adult like me who don't prioritize what to pay for. But, I'll get the hang of it someday when I get to have my first paycheck from working.

I am really aiming after graduation that I go through job hunting and successfully land one over in the span from August to December but I know it won't be an easy road for me because I'll experience much hardship in the real world compared to what I experience right now during college. It's a great thing that finally after 16 years of being a student, finally I get to have a hold in my life and do my own shit. Of course, I need guidance along the way with the new peers and connections I have to build-up to help me land on better opportunities. Right now, as I am waiting for my final grade in my internship, I'll prepare for the next chapter of my life which is looking for a job and figuring out what unexpected career that would make me joyful.

[abyssalcreator21]

Adulting Thoughts #1

Since pandemic have already ended, I'd better move on with my write-ups about my situation during and after the COVID-19 pandemic and proceed to how uncertain for the future and in the same time for the graduating list to be released. I have already fulfilled my OJT requirements and just wait for the grades to be released. So, far my OJT was fulfilling that I get to experience on going to press conferences, write articles and go to different events to cover a story. I have improved my confidence in the whole process of this internship because I get used to interviewing professional people with ranks, high positions, and etc. Honestly, I really had a grasp on being a journalist during the entirety of the internship. Since we are doing our internship on an online basis since the company doesn't have a proper office yet, I can't honestly think of what to blog/video during the weekly basis, is it me doing a timelapse of sitting at home and looking for third-party sources on the internet. Nah. I'd prefer if in every week of our internship, we have covered a story per week and had it posted on the site, but that wasn't the case. I am just pretty darn lucky if I get to post an article by a weekly basis because there are also weeks during the internship that I haven't posted anything. Well, due also to the fact that my articles needs improvement and somehow isn't newsworthy. There are days where I am just so disappointed and angry with our supervisor in relation to why that a lot of articles of mine aren't posted. She also explained her part in the official group chat of the internship that she also needs to be careful and wary of what articles of mine should be posted on the site because it's my name that would be posted and the article should catch local reader's interest while following the code of ethics in journalism. I understand her point of view and I passed a lot of articles that I hope she would post something even it is not on a daily basis and lucky for me because 18 of them were successfully posted. Half of it came from third-party sources and the half goes to me covering it on the field. Our coordinator really told us that it's better to capture and be on the scene rather than looking on it on a spectator's viewpoint and oh boy, I really had a fun time in 4 to 6 weeks experiencing fieldwork. The culmination activity was awesome and I had a great time writing an art appreciation article regarding on what painting I was immersed to when we went (supervisor and my co-interns) to Carmen Art Center to look at the artwork of some of the local female visual artists located in different parts of Mindanao. But, all things must come to an end also as we finished in that time fulfilling the 360 hours of our internship which in fact we haven't really known what is the bases of fulfilling of service hours. I do know that in the portfolio which I passed, I had a lot of fieldwork pictures and articles that I have shown to our coordinator earning me at least a flat 1 or 1.25 grade which I deserve either way. Now, I am just waiting for the grades to be released and also the final graduating class list which I know in myself, I will be part of it because hell no I got through with all that hardship just to have my application for graduation delayed which is a complete bullshit. I'll just relax for the next seven weeks and wait until the day I get my diploma awaiting a new chapter of my life which is adulting.

[abyssalcreator21]

Pandemic Thoughts # 178

A lonely afternoon for me as usual. Well, I had finished doing the interview with Senpai Shiki earlier and it was a great experience to me to have an interview with him. I learned quite a thing from him about how it is important that I should be careful in terms of sensitive documents such as the guidelines when it comes to cosplay competitions. It is a fault in my part because I haven't think through of what are the complications of my impulsive actions. Even though my intention is for a good cause, I haven't thought that very well the consequences of my actions. It's a great reminder for me after all that there are times where you cannot avoid to make mistakes but you better be careful and considerate of the decisions you are making in every important task you are delegated upon. In my experience, I can say to myself that I'm still a long way to go in the realities of adulting. It's hard and exhausting that I always have to figure it on my own how to survive and to compete in a society right now where I am pressured to earn high and to provide for the family. That is why I tend to escape the realities I am facing right now by being stricken to my hobbies and interests, yet, one day, I know in myself that soon I need to stand up on my own shoes and face the trials of my life head-on. I'll make mistakes, I'd stumble along the way, a lot of people won't like me for my personality and my attitude, and I'll pay my own bills and needs soon in this house, but I just always have to push myself to be in my best foot forward because I am a fighter even though I feel lonely most of the time. Honestly, it wasn't easy for me to work out things on my own, keeping most of my struggles within myself and no one to talk to because they don't understand what I am experiencing, and spending all day not doing that much and always use social media. But, I'm just fighting and continue on striving to push through every days of my life.