acakefilledwithrainbowsandsmiles

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Crosswalk Commute

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detective vs cat 🔍🐾

for the teyvat gents zine

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— Jasmine Gibson, from "Hot-Hand Fallacy," Don't Let Them See Me Like This (Nightboat Books, 2018) (via letsbelonelytogetherr)

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can I come over and look at you like this

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wake up babe a new terminology just dropped

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i spent hours trying to make my frequent websites pink. someone remind me to never get a single job involving computers.

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A major problem of being a writer is falling in love with your side characters. You want to explore them, want to share every detail you created for them, show them off to your readers. The pain of not letting them outshine the main character is real.

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a sitting platypus

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shipping characters from bluey is weird actually. drawing fanart of them kissing (and who knows what else) is really, really weird.

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it's actually insane how willing some people are to talk about their characters and stories and stuff. not saying there's anything wrong with it, but i always have a paralyzing fear that somebody will "copy" me or judge me for all of my ideas.

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just finished if he had been with me. will probably kill myself now.

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Being a girl is relating every single song you hear to at least one fictional character

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sleepy dragons

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sunrise on the reaping spoilers

as i was reading the book, i was convinced that haymitch was going to see lenore dove in the arena somehow. during the reaping, i thought they would both get reaped together. after louella died, i thought they would do a second reaping and call forth lenore dove so that haymitch eventually has to watch her die. i was just dreading the part where haymitch would have to hold lenore dove in his arms, knowing that there's nothing he could do.

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After reading SOTR, it was so refreshing and heartbreaking to read from the point of view of a character who loves so openly. Haymitch bleeds love everywhere he goes; not just for the obvious people like Lenore Dove, or Sid and Ma, but for everyone.

His complete and utter adoration of Lenore Dove? How her flaws, her recklessness and impulsiveness just makes him love her all the more. How he can’t always keep up with her, but he doesn’t resent her for it, just tries his best to and loves her when he can’t understand. The contrast between Snow wanting to control Lucy Gray, even going so far as to say that he wishes she was back in the Arena so he could know where she was, and Haymitch wanting nothing more for Lenore Dove than to be free, even trying to tell Lenore Dove to move on from him when he dies in the Arena.

The way Haymitch expresses such adoration for Hattie, how he admires her hard work and hugs her when she gives him his birthday gift. How he tries to protect her during the Interviews.

Haymitch’s love for his family; how he finds them annoying sometimes, but he loves them. He ruffles Sid’s hair and takes on the role of his father, how he lets Sid drag him out on a clear night to look up at the stars. He hugs his Ma and speaks of her with admiration for her work, even as he’s just as annoyed by her work ethic.

Louella McCoy, who crushed on Haymitch for a week, and it just endeared her to him, made him fiercely protective of her. He never looked down on her for being childish, and he did everything in his power to get justice for her.

Lou Lou, whom he despised at first, only to love her anyways. He didn’t even know her real name, didn’t know anything about her except that she was from Eleven and that she was recording what they were saying, but he loved her anyways because he can’t help it. It spills out of him. He protected her and tried to make her death quick, tried to get justice for what happened to her just as much as he did Louella.

Wyatt, Maysilee, and Effie are my favorite examples of how Haymitch sees the flaws in people, but loves them anyways, embraces them even. Wyatt Callow, who he started by resenting him for his father’s gambling practices, only to grow to love Wyatt for his quick wit, then to mourn him when he was killed on the first day. Maysilee Donner who was spoiled and mean in his eyes, yet he could still see her rebellious and determined nature, her kindness for the other Tributes as she wove their tokens, and he held her hand as she died, cementing her in his mind as his sister. Effie Trinket, who despite her Capitol upbringing, despite her parroting Capitol propaganda lines, Haymitch can’t help but notice her empathy and kindness, and she becomes the only one who can seem to care for him after his Games.

Every single Tribute that he adopted as his own, his flock of doves. He never once thought about winning over any of them, choosing instead to do everything in his power to protect them. He kept the fire running and made nightlights for the young Tributes who feared the dark. He tried to play it cool when meeting with Amphert, but when Amphert hugs him, he just drops the act and hugs him right back. He stayed with Wellie and helped to feed her the best he could, reassuring her the whole time and strategizing how he was going to make her the Victor. He blamed himself for every one of their deaths.

Fuck, even the rabbits in the Arena he becomes fond of. He viewed them as allies and felt guilty when he had to use them to determine what was poisoned.

Haymitch Abernathy loves hard and fast. And that’s what Snow took; his ability to love. He trapped Haymitch into the rascal persona he had put on for the Games. The message he sent with Lenore Dove and Ma and Sid and every single Tribute who Haymitch couldn’t save, was that he would kill anyone Haymitch loved. So he drove people away from him. Forced distance between him and the District Twelve tributes. I think that didn’t even stop him from loving them too, only to watch them killed in the Arena. A yearly reminder of that message.

I hope after the revolution, Haymitch felt free to love without fear again.