acandleandastory

[acandleandastory]

Are you still dreaming of him? Closing your eyes to feel the memories? Is it, consuming the most of your being, believing that he could give you ephemeral peace?

Why is it enough? Begging for the crumbs, the moon pities you honey. Give up before it's too late, give up before it becomes funny.

Why are you the glitch in the matrix? When you hear his voice, do you want to play tricks? *Rolling the sleeves up* "We're here to take risks" aren't we? On a Sunday night for a walk and a cigarette, are you free?

Have you drained your senses yet? What's abetting you to forget, what you cherish like a sunset. Your love, secretly instilled with the thoughts of him, don't you hate it when it makes you upset?

being the first one to laugh when nobody dares to, darling you're the promising daft for whoever stares you. Did you bat your eyes at him thinking you'll get away with it? Someday, I hope it doesn't shake your spirit.

is it your problem or his, if it makes sense to you but not to him? did you hold a dagger for him? did you do it on your own? is it his crime or yours? even when he was the one to abet, and left you all alone.

did he hush you into doing what you wanted to, when you couldn't admit? when you look into his eyes, does all the blood rush to your brain or to your cheeks? something tells him he's going to get what he wants, and someone tells you to just stop and connect the dots.

would you hate him when it's all over? when you get ahead of him, would they stop telling you to grow up? is he your friend when laughs at you or is he your friend when your lips are closer? none, you see. none, you believe. then, where's the closure?

they'll all let you be and hold you back when you show the side of yours that wants to jump off a cliff, but what about when you show the side that bleeds without a wound? how would they know how deep it is?

[acandleandastory]

smile at a stranger, might you show yourself to just another one of your kinds, a little more mightier.

close your eyes, feel your hair, flicker, that you tucked behind your ears, since prolonged days and years, feel your hair, make a movement by the touch of air, let them stare.

breathe, in, in, in and out, out your sorrow when you're sobbing, with all the unwanted condolences, making yourself some different consequences.

hear, how long can you hide behind that wire? listen, to what they say, learn, to bring peace and solace in the gaol of your head that bounds you to be.

too bad you were long, long asleep before i could look into your eyes and smile, long, long gone before, i could stumble across your path in a heroic style.

those clouds, that don't show themselves to me, i think, curve and shape your name in a century long life story.

it's a funny thing, how all love songs are same yet different, a heart wrenching rollercoaster ride but just a story to those who are watching.

the sedating sound of your breathing, close to my forehead, when my chest clasps with your presence, and it growls, howls, cries, sighs, for it lived in slums for so long, it can't contain the beating of a real heart.

it seems the world stands unbothered by your calamitous essence, the potential of a thunder, huge in such a manner, yet this world doesn't abstain from consuming you.

[acandleandastory]

you see all the people walk by you, strangely glancing, prying without knowing, you're the only one you could confide to.

4 cracks on your phone screen, but even you don't know how many cracks you still have open from the wounds you trimmed.

people hug you, with no intention of loving how much they show they can, but you hold so much more compassion than they can.

nobody sat beside you, nobody made you laugh, they didn't come to you, and they didn't listen to you.

they ask you questions about you, but they don't wait for the answer, they have problems too, but they don't even know you're tranced.

trying but can't try enough, running but you've nowhere to hide, you want it quiet but they won't shut up, and it hits you that nobody's on your side.

the nerves stopped connecting, they won't take anymore pain, but your paths didn't stop intersecting, they won't let their mock go to vain.

you watch the wind blow, you've watched him go, a thousand times, a thousand times, and all this time you've just been sighing.

the school educated you, but that wasn't enough for you to know, what you see? what you feel?

you wanna sleep a few more minutes, you wanna dream of a few more moments, of the peace you could've had, if you just have taken a different road, taken a few different steps.

you called, every person you thought could help you, and they disappointed you, failed you in what you've never learnt but known your whole life.

do you feel purposeless? inhaled the wrong air, breathed out your soul, thought you were fearless? and they laugh behind your back and at your face.

[acandleandastory]

you keep your hair open at all times, like you're free from all the knots and the ties, a smile skipping your lips when i apologise, a giggle fills this room, my paradise, i realised.

you dance like you're the showstopper, a wave of reality and life caught her, you, and you stepped away from those moves, you probably didn't have a clue, there was a que waiting just for you.

you have a hard time trusting yourself, defending yourself, loving yourself, believing all the false steps, how do you fall for anything that comes in your way too, how do you have so much faith in everyone but you?

a few permanent marks on you, not tattoos, not glued, just some past blues, your hands shake when you can't explain, an open book with a ton of mysteries, your feelings. green, purple, blue, a freshly bloomed cocoon.

the perfectly shaped lips, oh, goddamn the person who's names you call, with that pure intention in your heart, and god knows, how much i am dying to be him, but only when you're in love with me.

your black eyes, deeper than ocean blue ones, one can die, i tried to hide but still got burnt, you call me a liar when you don't open your eyes to mine, are you scared of crying? i am biding here, no promises, no swears, i am staying here regardless of all the flares.

I've heard you hold your hugs until the other leaves, i wonder what if i never loosen up? what if i start with just a touch on your pinky finger and then ask for your hand from your father to make it last forever?

[acandleandastory]

is crying the only option, to let you know my heart's breaking? my chest hurts, my eyes are straining, my head's spinning, my body is draining without any reason. i sink in my bed, lump in my throat, my... my heart's beating faster than it should but there's no butterflies, i wake up like i just had a nightmare and into the wall i stare, i breathe a little heavily like i am not able to, and there's nothing i can do

i still like him, you still like him, he still likes you, he doesn't have a clue, what i feel for him. i don't want to look at other people, but not him either, i don't want to talk about him but not with him either. and you'd say, what the fuck is bothering you then? i mean, ain't it clear? although he does come under the catagory of shitty men.

i am mesmerized by my own feelings, can't let them go because it makes me feel free and loud, he had nothing to do with me before, he has nothing to do with me now, he's one those who doesn't keep score, but he's still surrounded by the dark clouds.

you look like you've lost your mind trying to think about him, he has given himself another chance to life, you are scared but fierce, you are having second thoughts but your heart's states it clear, you're meant to be in this time, in this world, in this universe, the "maybes" are left for a girl who's surrounded by the gist of his life.

[acandleandastory]

When you move on from me, remember that's not what you wanted when I fulfilled your needs.

Staring at the blank sky, loathing what I asked you to do, one thing, stargazing.

I called you up, one call a day, it wasn't my misery to tell you myself, and I hoped you understood what I said.

In the fury of the blame game, I said things I was meaning to, you should've had some shame, but you can't undo it now, can you?

You didn't call me once, I waited for your text, you said you're busy, but what I heard was "I'm too busy, can you cut the chase?"

I've never hated you more than I do now, you've done this a lot many times, put me down, cross connections, crossed paths, you said "I'm denying you my attention, you've gone too far. "

[acandleandastory]

Brand new bottle of whiskey, rings in a few of your fingers, it's always something risky, by which we get triggered.

Ice cubes on my lips, your pupils dilate, i waited for your kiss, but your lips fade.

Become a more major flaw of my deepest darkest fantasies, I'm asking you to be the lie i emphasize.

You're standing stiff looking in my eyes, my soul, yet very uptight, however when you look away, i would want to follow your gaze to the riptide.

[acandleandastory]

Dreamt of you last night, tried to but couldn't wake up from my sleep. It wasn't a nightmare though that i wanted to get out of that picture, it was all that i desired instead, that made me realise that you couldn't give it to me. And i saw you giving it all to me, falling down for me, with me. Now, that's not supposed to be a nightmare, is it? Yet, I woke up trembling and sweating. But i hope one day, I'll become indifferent to this and to you.

[acandleandastory]

"THINGS THAT ONLY CAROLINAS KNOW" uh huhh????

[acandleandastory]

Do you see where I'm going with all the words that I say? Do you notice anything about me? I bet my soul you didn't get it, I'm the embrace. I just wonder what possibly obstructed your vision when it was me, it was me all along. All along your scars and bruises, and cuts and wounds. All along your emotional outbursts and broken trust. When I became the serenity, where were you? When I became the seashore, where were you? When I became the loop, where were you?