accidental-anatomy

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you laughed, i laughed as well. with our feet. dangling over the pier. back when fireworks weren’t just annoyances. the sun beaming down on our faces. we left with a sunburn on our backs and shoulders. i asked you to jump into the neighbor’s pool next time, and bike as fast as we can when we get caught, trekking it down to the 7/11. sitting in the parking lot with our knees up to our chests, slushees in hand. wandering around trying to find the nearest redbox.

i remember the spiked lemonade and how we pretended it tasted fine. we didn’t feel cool, we snuck bottles for the thrill. the rush of getting away doing something stupid, it never tasted good, the burn was just an afterthought. stealing from stores, giggling and pulling on each other’s arm when we walked out. the kind of fun that’s only okay when you’re young. they said we were problem children, needed to be examined under a microscope. they said we were hedonistic. they said we were awful, but we’re as terrible as a summer day, leaving with sunburns and petty crimes.

[accidental-anatomy]

Messy girl mag - made by me during class lol

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remember when you were fifteen and you were convinced you were evil and irredeemable and completely insane but it turns out you were just fifteen

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i am a serene and lovely person. yes absolutely everything bothers me & i go through life in a state of constant aggravation and annoyance & have to physically restrain myself from breaking down in tears over how utterly irritated i am sometimes. but i am serene and lovely nonetheless

[accidental-anatomy]

what i got by silas denver melvin (written at the unrelatable writing retreat, sep 17 2022)

[Text ID: got bad. got worse. got suspended for blessing the face of a transphobe with the open palmed reckoning of my small hands. got praised. got punished. got home & ma, her crown bowed to the steering wheel, her tired, dish-water knuckles smoothing imagined creases from her Stevie Nicks skirt, told me she understood, but couldn't condone. got taken out of class. got put in therapy. got threatened, thanked, spit at, spit on. got everything but even. got medicated. got put in a small room with a suit-pressed man & a single particle wood table. got asked if i thought id ever see heaven. got a good look & measured my answer. got considered like livestock. got 5 days out of school like isolation was a fever-trick to sweat out the sick they assigned to my blood. got up on the last day, before the yolk-heavy sun even broke the fragile line of the horizon, before the cat birds could perch on the white birch branches & begin their endless crying, & thought to myself let heaven start where my boots are laced & allow no merciless crowd decide me otherwise, which is to say… i got out & from there, i have yet to stop. /End ID]

[accidental-anatomy]

the black saint & the sinner lady & the dead & the truth, morgan parker // the truth the dead know, anne sexton.

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musings on Spring

— Rainer Maria Rilke, The Selected Poetry of Rainer Maria Rilke | Pablo Neruda (?) | Louise Glück, Vita Nova | Alberto Caeiro, The Collected Poems of Alberto Caeiro | Vladimir Nabokov, Mary | Etel Adnan, Jebu | Virginia Woolf, A Writer’s Diary | Bangtan Sonyeondan (방탄소년단), 봄날 (Spring Day) | Artwork by Claude Monet

[accidental-anatomy]

scrubbing the love out of the floorboards

mitski / emil robinson / lorde / edward hopper / big thief / janis clarke / christopher burk / mitski / wong kar wai / lorde

[accidental-anatomy]

on loving someone who has passed

a self portrait in letters by anne sexton / poem by louise glück / achilles and patroclus by @maieste / all about love by bell hooks / blue sun by nina mouawad / albert camus correspondance to maria casarès / un homme et une femme by stephan sinding / the gods show up by michael kinnucan / the chronology of water: a memoir by lidia yuknavitch

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January moodboard before it ends

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“In my friend, I find a second self.”

c.s. lewis / my best friend by the coral / @slugspoon (alivia horsley) / @billypotts / hanya yanagihara / ‘after party ll’ salman toor / the kids aren’t alright by fall out boy / a summer’s tale / lorde / hanya yanagihara / abed and troy (community) with a winnie the pooh quote @weelezzer / isabel norton

[accidental-anatomy]

“But now I must confront my buried self.“  From Eastern Mennonite College’s 1966 yearbook.

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joan didion

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Grief Lessons, Anne Carson

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“If someone asked me “What are the signs of love?” I would have said without hesitation, It’s the familiarity and the removal of cost, And to find yourself not having to lie, and the embarrassment removed between you two, and see yourself acting in your nature without trying to be something else so she likes you, And that you two keep silent and the silence gets delicious, And that one of you two talk and listening gets delicious.”

— Mustafa Mahmoud

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The King of Owls, Louise Erdrich

[ID: I have hungers, such terrible hungers, you cannot know. Lords, I sharpen my talons on your bones.]