aceclipse

[aceclipse]

Lost all of my motivation to do shit and haven't ate dinner yet so I'm here rotting on the couch dumping all of this: I'm tired boss

It's been too long. Waaaaaaaaaaaaay too fucking long. Of having to witness friends of mine constantly being at risk of suicide. Deadass serious. It's eating me up.

It's not your fault and it never was ofc but it's fucked me up for idk. Years. Since 2023 if i can recall. which is probably Fine to experience online apparently!! wahoo!

Serious time here. Taking a break for my own sake because suicidal ideation can get contagious. Especially with whack ass alters that are notorious for us for Fucking Us Up in several ways. I want to keep going and not kill myself at the end of the month because I was not there. I did not say that anymore. And I don't know really. Not anymore. At this point it's better for me to get out of this site and take care of my mental health more before I actually act on anything my fragment-ish guys say.

I can't handle the distress of having to witness this, let alone without much of the power to help as I used to have. It's fucking us up and it's too much for my own good. I'm sorry yall but I'm just so tired. After everything. I don't hate any of you at all /gen. I'm just exhausted and scared.

Man i am so fucking done.

[aceclipse]

Man i am so fucking done.

[aceclipse]

My head hurty

[aceclipse]

people trying to rewrite mizu5 with ruikasa is driving me fucking nuts

[aceclipse]

people trying to rewrite mizu5 with ruikasa is driving me fucking nuts

[aceclipse]

people trying to rewrite mizu5 with ruikasa is driving me fucking nuts

[aceclipse]

people trying to rewrite mizu5 with ruikasa is driving me fucking nuts

[aceclipse]

people trying to rewrite mizu5 with ruikasa is driving me fucking nuts

[aceclipse]

people trying to rewrite mizu5 with ruikasa is driving me fucking nuts

[aceclipse]

people trying to rewrite mizu5 with ruikasa is driving me fucking nuts

[aceclipse]

Stop saying…

“Psychotic/Schizophrenic” when you mean: unpredictable, unhinged, unreal, etc.

“Bipolar” when you mean: polarized, scattered, fickle, unstable, etc.

“Delusional” when you mean: unrealistic, unreasonable, close-minded, stubborn, etc.

“[insert “R” slur in relation to intellectual disabilities]” when you mean: unreasonable, unintelligent/ridiculous, immature, etc.

“OCD” when you mean: particular, neat, overbearing, etc.

“Narcissistic” when you mean selfish, abusive, manipulative, etc.

Note: I’m NOT saying that these are synonymous. This is also not an exhaustive list.

[aceclipse]

Sometimes, I wonder...

Sometimes, I wonder if anyone else in my life is plural, but too scared to tell anyone.

Sometimes, I wonder if anyone else in my life is plural, but they just don't have the language to describe it.

Sometimes, I wonder about my friends' "imaginary friends" who've taken on a life all their own.

Sometimes, I wonder about the folks who think in conversations, who have named each and every one of their emotions, each speaking with its own distinct voice.

Sometimes, I wonder about the people who stay up late at night crying, only to be comforted by a familiar voice from within, telling them not to give up.

Sometimes, I wonder about the beings with elaborate and sprawling internal worlds, where a thousand other beings they've known in their daydreams wait to welcome them home.

Sometimes, I wonder about the headmates, forced back to the subconscious, patiently waiting for their host to figure it all out.

Sometimes, I wish I could tell all of them.

Sometimes, I wish they all knew they weren't alone.

Sometimes, I wish they all knew how freeing it can be to embrace plurality.

Sometimes...

Sometimes, I wish they all knew that the future is plural.

I hope the future is plural...

We hope the future is plural.

[aceclipse]

To all my friends with Moral OCD/Scrupulosity: people do not mean “inundate yourself with the most graphic news videos you can find for all hours of the day” when they say “don’t look away” in the context of issues like war, genocide, and disasters, but rather “be aware of what’s going on and do what you can, even if it’s something small”. “Being aware” means checking in on an issue and potential ways that people can help those affected, not forcing yourself to compulsively watch as many videos of people dying as you can. Doing this is, in fact, a compulsion, and your brain will keep pushing you to watch more graphic death videos. Digital self-harm helps no one, and you don’t have to absorb every instance of individual suffering to have an awareness of it being an ongoing problem. Hell, you can take a break from checking the news for a bit if you find yourself spiraling and you can always catch up on it again once you are in the headspace to do so. Understanding how dire a situation is can be very important, but you can’t remove suffering and death from the world by compulsively looking at it. Your brain is lying to you, and it is much more productive to look for little ways that you can help people.

If you donate money to NGOs, know that every cent counts. If you are not financially well off and can only donate a small amount, that is still a wonderful thing. Forcing yourself into a place of financial risk (like risking eviction or forgoing food or medical care) to feel like you’re “really” donating “enough” is an OCD compulsion. OCD is taking advantage of the discomfort and sorrow that we feel when something big and horrific is happening and there is little that we can do, and we have to sit with some of that discomfort and avoid falling into patterns of self-harm like what I described above in an attempt to escape from it. If you’re feeling hopeless and not caring for yourself, then you can’t help people at all! No one can single-handedly save the world, but we can do little things to make it that much less unpleasant.

Be aware and be helpful, but take care of yourself, too.

[aceclipse]

To all my friends with Moral OCD/Scrupulosity: people do not mean “inundate yourself with the most graphic news videos you can find for all hours of the day” when they say “don’t look away” in the context of issues like war, genocide, and disasters, but rather “be aware of what’s going on and do what you can, even if it’s something small”. “Being aware” means checking in on an issue and potential ways that people can help those affected, not forcing yourself to compulsively watch as many videos of people dying as you can. Doing this is, in fact, a compulsion, and your brain will keep pushing you to watch more graphic death videos. Digital self-harm helps no one, and you don’t have to absorb every instance of individual suffering to have an awareness of it being an ongoing problem. Hell, you can take a break from checking the news for a bit if you find yourself spiraling and you can always catch up on it again once you are in the headspace to do so. Understanding how dire a situation is can be very important, but you can’t remove suffering and death from the world by compulsively looking at it. Your brain is lying to you, and it is much more productive to look for little ways that you can help people.

If you donate money to NGOs, know that every cent counts. If you are not financially well off and can only donate a small amount, that is still a wonderful thing. Forcing yourself into a place of financial risk (like risking eviction or forgoing food or medical care) to feel like you’re “really” donating “enough” is an OCD compulsion. OCD is taking advantage of the discomfort and sorrow that we feel when something big and horrific is happening and there is little that we can do, and we have to sit with some of that discomfort and avoid falling into patterns of self-harm like what I described above in an attempt to escape from it. If you’re feeling hopeless and not caring for yourself, then you can’t help people at all! No one can single-handedly save the world, but we can do little things to make it that much less unpleasant.

Be aware and be helpful, but take care of yourself, too.

[aceclipse]

To all my friends with Moral OCD/Scrupulosity: people do not mean “inundate yourself with the most graphic news videos you can find for all hours of the day” when they say “don’t look away” in the context of issues like war, genocide, and disasters, but rather “be aware of what’s going on and do what you can, even if it’s something small”. “Being aware” means checking in on an issue and potential ways that people can help those affected, not forcing yourself to compulsively watch as many videos of people dying as you can. Doing this is, in fact, a compulsion, and your brain will keep pushing you to watch more graphic death videos. Digital self-harm helps no one, and you don’t have to absorb every instance of individual suffering to have an awareness of it being an ongoing problem. Hell, you can take a break from checking the news for a bit if you find yourself spiraling and you can always catch up on it again once you are in the headspace to do so. Understanding how dire a situation is can be very important, but you can’t remove suffering and death from the world by compulsively looking at it. Your brain is lying to you, and it is much more productive to look for little ways that you can help people.

If you donate money to NGOs, know that every cent counts. If you are not financially well off and can only donate a small amount, that is still a wonderful thing. Forcing yourself into a place of financial risk (like risking eviction or forgoing food or medical care) to feel like you’re “really” donating “enough” is an OCD compulsion. OCD is taking advantage of the discomfort and sorrow that we feel when something big and horrific is happening and there is little that we can do, and we have to sit with some of that discomfort and avoid falling into patterns of self-harm like what I described above in an attempt to escape from it. If you’re feeling hopeless and not caring for yourself, then you can’t help people at all! No one can single-handedly save the world, but we can do little things to make it that much less unpleasant.

Be aware and be helpful, but take care of yourself, too.

[aceclipse]

To all my friends with Moral OCD/Scrupulosity: people do not mean “inundate yourself with the most graphic news videos you can find for all hours of the day” when they say “don’t look away” in the context of issues like war, genocide, and disasters, but rather “be aware of what’s going on and do what you can, even if it’s something small”. “Being aware” means checking in on an issue and potential ways that people can help those affected, not forcing yourself to compulsively watch as many videos of people dying as you can. Doing this is, in fact, a compulsion, and your brain will keep pushing you to watch more graphic death videos. Digital self-harm helps no one, and you don’t have to absorb every instance of individual suffering to have an awareness of it being an ongoing problem. Hell, you can take a break from checking the news for a bit if you find yourself spiraling and you can always catch up on it again once you are in the headspace to do so. Understanding how dire a situation is can be very important, but you can’t remove suffering and death from the world by compulsively looking at it. Your brain is lying to you, and it is much more productive to look for little ways that you can help people.

If you donate money to NGOs, know that every cent counts. If you are not financially well off and can only donate a small amount, that is still a wonderful thing. Forcing yourself into a place of financial risk (like risking eviction or forgoing food or medical care) to feel like you’re “really” donating “enough” is an OCD compulsion. OCD is taking advantage of the discomfort and sorrow that we feel when something big and horrific is happening and there is little that we can do, and we have to sit with some of that discomfort and avoid falling into patterns of self-harm like what I described above in an attempt to escape from it. If you’re feeling hopeless and not caring for yourself, then you can’t help people at all! No one can single-handedly save the world, but we can do little things to make it that much less unpleasant.

Be aware and be helpful, but take care of yourself, too.

[aceclipse]

Racism in the plural community is a real problem. Racism in the medical community is a real, dangerous problem.

Pour one out for DID/OSDD systems of color that go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed because the psychiatric institution dismisses them.

Pour one out for all systems of color who feel isolated because the online community often conflates plurality with whiteness.

Pour one out for systems of color who get called racist or appropriative because their systems incorporate aspects of their own culture, but people automatically assume they must be white.

Pour one out for systems of color whose voices are silenced because of their ethnicity.

Uplift non-white systems. Talk to non-white systems, not over them.