ackermancore

[ackermancore]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐞－

𝗘𝗣𝗜𝗦𝗢𝗗𝗘 𝗧𝗪𝗢：𝗆𝗂𝗄𝖺𝗌𝖺 𝖺𝖼𝗄𝖾𝗋𝗆𝖺𝗇

𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳

𝗍／𝗐－𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗢𝗥𝗦 𝗗𝗡𝗜：𝖽𝗋𝗎𝗀 𝗎𝗌𝖾／𝖺𝖽𝖽𝗂𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇，𝗀𝗋𝖺𝗉𝗁𝗂𝖼 𝗌𝗎𝗂𝖼𝗂𝖽𝖺𝗅 𝗂𝖽𝖾𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇，𝖽𝖾𝖺𝗍𝗁，𝗀𝗋𝖺𝗉𝗁𝗂𝖼 𝗏𝗂𝗈𝗅𝖾𝗇𝖼𝖾，𝖽𝖾𝗍𝖺𝗂𝗅𝖾𝖽 𝖽𝖾𝗌𝖼𝗋𝗂𝗉𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍𝖺𝗅 𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗇𝖾𝗌𝗌， 𝗇𝗌𝖿𝗐 𝖾𝗅𝖾𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗌，𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗏𝗒 𝗅𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗎𝖺𝗀𝖾，𝗂𝗇𝖿𝗂𝖽𝖾𝗅𝗂𝗍𝗒，𝗍𝗈𝗑𝗂𝖼 𝗋𝖾𝗅𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉𝗌／𝖺𝗍𝗍𝖺𝖼𝗁𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗌，𝗈𝖻𝗌𝖾𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗈𝗇，𝗆𝗈𝗌𝗍𝗅𝗒 𝖾𝗎𝗉𝗁𝗈𝗋𝗂𝖺 𝗐𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌 𝗍𝖻𝗁

𝗧𝗔𝗚𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧 (𝗁𝗆𝗎 𝗍𝗈 𝗃𝗈𝗂𝗇���)： @atomi-mi @rosemirrors @i90yeager

𝖺／𝗇：𝖺𝗁𝗁𝗁 𝗉𝗅𝗌 𝗅𝗆𝗄 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗎 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗄 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝖻𝖾𝖼𝖺𝗎𝗌𝖾 𝗂𝗆 𝗎𝗇𝗌𝗎𝗋𝖾 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗂𝗍 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖽𝗈𝗇𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝖾𝖽𝗂𝗍 𝗂𝗍 𝗈𝗋 𝖾𝗅𝗌𝖾 𝗂 𝖽𝖾𝖿 𝗐𝗈𝗇𝗍 𝗉𝗈𝗌𝗍 𝗂𝗍．𝗂 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝗌𝗉𝖾𝖼𝗂𝖿𝗂𝖼 𝗐𝖺𝗒𝗌 𝗂 𝗐𝗋𝗂𝗍𝖾 𝖾𝖺𝖼𝗁 𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗋𝖺𝖼𝗍𝖾𝗋’𝗌 𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗌 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗂 𝗂𝗇𝖼𝗅𝗎𝖽𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗂𝖽𝗄 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝖺𝗅𝗄 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗂𝗍 𝗌𝗈 𝗂𝗆𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝗆𝖺𝗄𝖾 𝖺 𝗉𝗈𝗌𝗍 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗂𝗍 𝖺𝖿𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗂 𝗀𝖾𝗍 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗌𝖾 𝖽𝗈𝗇𝖾

mikasa knew from a young age that life was a fight.

she overlooked the obvious things that children normally do. she stepped on bugs, her grandma got cancer and died, and she really loved chicken. yeah, her grandma dying was sad, but she never took it as a struggle, something she had fought against. the bugs had tried to run. the chicken cried before its neck snapped. 

but she was a kid, and kids weren’t supposed to think like that.

her mom and dad doted on her and she knew she was loved. honestly, mikasa had always been sensitive, and her reliance on unconditional love reinforced that. she was innocent, even more so than the other kids at her school. she didn’t understand pain, loss... her parents wanted to protect that part of her, which was understandable.

looking back, she wished it hadn’t been like that.

she was scared of being scared, of having to relive that feeling of seeing a bullet go through her father’s neck and that knife carving through her mothers chest. she hadn’t been prepared, hadn’t been tensed to run or taught the instinct to survive. 

she never knew how eren had that instinct.

she remembered grisha’s face when he’d found the two of them, when he’d realized what they had done. no, eren hadn’t had to learn that. and that was the scariest part about him.

see, in a way, mikasa knew eren better than anyone, even his parents. the first moment that she had seen him, looked in his eyes, he was literally fucking killing someone.

to be fair, he saw her do that, too. so it kinda went both ways.

but life went on. for a long time she wanted to die, but she didn’t tell anyone. the jaeger’s knew she was fucked in the head—as much as she wanted to kill herself, she was equally scared of telling her new family she had multiple suicide plans. she didn’t want to be abandoned.

realistically, they wouldn’t have done that. they loved mikasa. honestly, she probably should have said something and gotten help. that was another thing about her—she didn’t want to be helped. she didn’t want to be weak.

and it was kinda weird, but when she was thirteen she realized she was in love with eren.

maybe it was a trauma bond. maybe it was mikasa’s attachment issues and the fact that she placed the value of her life on his, since he was the reason she still had one. but she never had to worry; eren was an idiot. he would never know. armin did, yeah, but armin always knew.

carla dying pushed her to a ledge. she had never thought of eren as a brother, but carla was her mother. she was soft and warm and did the little things she saw her biological mom do.

she replayed the scene in her head more often than she would have liked. the impact of the other car jolted her awake every night, and the headaches were worse afterwards. she had prescription painkillers until eren got bad and she got rid of them.

but she couldn’t let any of it show. her instincts took over that day. she fell into autopilot. she dragged eren from that car, kicking and screaming. she held back her tears to wipe eren’s.

she never left that state of mind behind, protecting him. it became an obsession, one she was aware of but never saw as a bad thing. well, maybe it was when she saw him with krista and wanted to beat her fucking face in. she could admit that was too violent. but she was a violent person.

the first time she saw eren high was the first time she felt as if she were fighting a losing battle.

mikasa didn’t drink, smoke, do any of that shit. it fucked with her control issues. she’d assumed eren wouldn’t have, either, but sometimes she had put too much faith in that.

armin was on the same page. but while mikasa thought the word of eren, she could tell armin didn’t trust his decisions. they were opposites—armin thought and eren didn’t. she was in denial when armin said it was going to get worse, but she knew it was true.

when they found out what grisha did, mikasa took it worse than he did. she still repressed it, of course, but eren didn’t care much about his father. it bothered him more than he let on, though. it was around that time that she found out he had been taking her painkillers.

that fight was bad. really bad.

still, she loved eren. really fucking loved him. and she knew she couldn’t love anyone else the same way.

she started to doubt herself, to lose herself. and for years she watched eren lose himself, too. she was on that ledge again.

armin tried to convince her to leave him behind, to abandon him. that was another bad fight. the voices in her head telling her that he was right made it worse. she didn’t speak to him for a while after that.

she tried to adapt, to fix it. she had put a tracking app on eren’s phone and looked through it at least three times a day. he wasn’t good about keeping it on him, and sometimes he was too high to notice she was looking through it right in front of him.

she just wanted to go home. she was tired. sometimes she’s wrap her head in the scarf eren gave her, breathing in the mixture of his scent and her’s, trying to dissociate and convince herself that she was still in control.

she imagined carla was still alive, that her parents were, too. eren was sober and let her take care of him. and he kept wrapping her scarf around her, helping her cut her hair when it got too long. armin trusted him again and didn’t have that judgmental look in his eyes when she looked at him. she was safe.

but it wasn’t real. she would snap out of it and feel the crunch of the car, the hands of the men who ruined her life over her mouth and crushing her wrists, the pain in her head—the reminder of what eren had taught her all those years ago.

life was a fight and mikasa was made to be a soldier.

[ackermancore]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐞—

𝗘𝗣𝗜𝗦𝗢𝗗𝗘 𝗢𝗡𝗘 : 𝖾𝗋𝖾𝗇 𝗃𝖺𝖾𝗀𝖾𝗋

𝗍／𝗐 －𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗢𝗥𝗦 𝗗𝗡𝗜：𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗏𝗒 𝖽𝗋𝗎𝗀 𝗎𝗌𝖾／𝖺𝖽𝖽𝗂𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇，𝖽𝖾𝖺𝗍𝗁，𝗀𝗋𝖺𝗉𝗁𝗂𝖼 𝗏𝗂𝗈𝗅𝖾𝗇𝖼𝖾，𝖽𝖾𝗍𝖺𝗂𝗅𝖾𝖽 𝖽𝖾𝗌𝖼𝗋𝗂𝗉𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍𝖺𝗅 𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗇𝖾𝗌𝗌， 𝗇𝗌𝖿𝗐 𝖾𝗅𝖾𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗌，𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗏𝗒 𝗅𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗎𝖺𝗀𝖾，𝗂𝗇𝖿𝗂𝖽𝖾𝗅𝗂𝗍𝗒，𝗍𝗈𝗑𝗂𝖼 𝗋𝖾𝗅𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉𝗌，𝗆𝗈𝗌𝗍𝗅𝗒 𝖾𝗎𝗉𝗁𝗈𝗋𝗂𝖺 𝗐𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌 𝗍𝖻𝗁

𝖺／𝗇 ： 𝗉𝖺𝗋𝗍 𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝗆𝗒 𝖾𝗎𝗉𝗁𝗈𝗋𝗂𝖺 𝖺𝗎 ！𝗂’𝗆 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗍𝗈𝗈𝗈𝗈𝗈 𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗉𝗒 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗍𝗎𝗋𝗇𝖾𝖽 𝗈𝗎𝗍，𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗂𝗍’𝗌 𝖿𝗂𝗂𝗂𝗂𝗇𝖾．𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗌 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖻𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗏𝗒．𝗉𝗅𝗌 𝖽𝗇𝗂 𝗂𝖿 𝖺𝗇𝗒 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗍𝗋𝗂𝗀𝗀𝖾𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀．𝗅𝗆𝗄 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗎 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗄 𝗇𝖽 𝗂𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎’𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝗃𝗈𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗍𝖺𝗀𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗍 ❥

EREN JAEGER was never satisfied.

if you were to get technical, he had a really good childhood. really good. his father was a doctor and they had money. his mom stayed home and he was never left alone. they ate dinner together every night when his dad wasn’t traveling to visit patients and took vacations and bought food from the high end grocery stores. one of eren’s first memories was in the car with his parents and a distinct feeling of wholeness.

but it didn’t take him long to notice that his father kept secrets. and his mom? well, carla was overprotective as shit. always on his ass. and yet, he was loved. perfectly loved. he couldn’t put his finger on why, but it wasn’t enough.

then mikasa came along.

eren didn’t talk about it, really, because it was a lot worse for her, but it fucked him up. really fucked him up.

he knew mikasa had an unwavering loyal to his family. if his dad had never made a house call, if he wasn’t her family’s doctor, she’d be worse than dead. his parents took her in without a thought. carla and grisha jaeger became her parents and she was never treated any less than their own son.

but she really loved eren.

he saved her as much as they did. again, something he didn’t like to think about because he didn’t want to admit it terrified him, that he had nightmares about that creep’s hands around his neck, legs flailing above the wood floors that seemed to creak a lot more than they should have.

of course, she was family. eren loved her, too. but it was complicated sometimes.

when he was fourteen his mom was crushed by a drunk driver. that was the thing he couldn’t avoid thinking about.

grisha was already in and out of eren’s life but carla dying made him distant. like, genuinely distant.

those years were fuzzy. he remembered it vividly but also… he didn’t. he knew at the time that he was glad he had mikasa and armin. he knew the grief didn’t stop and his chest always hurt and he screamed until his voice was raw. every time he blinked he saw the impact crushing her legs and the snap of her neck.

when he turned fifteen he smoked weed for the first time.

it became a habit, one mikasa hated and grisha ignored on the occasion he was around. armin worried about it, too. it was written on his face even when eren was sober. it always pissed him off, that look. it felt like a guilt trip. the first few times it made him feel bad—and then it was just irritating.

he turned to stronger shit in his sophomore year, just before finding out his father’s trips were to the other family he had hidden since before eren was born.

in the back of his head he had always resented grisha. his father’s love felt stale ever since his mom passed, and eren didn’t feel much when he cut him off. it was probably harder for mikasa than him. 

he had little to no interest in his father’s other son, despite his incessant attempts to get closer to eren. zeke was kind of a dick. he was jealous that eren was his priority and tried to get him to hate him as much as he did. but eren just didn’t care. zeke was an idiot, a try hard, and it was pathetic.

as time went by, eren realized that cocaine and molly were nothing—fucking nothing—compared to pills. connie and sasha had the best shit in town and ran the fuck out of their business.

eren had never been in love before, but he figured using felt as close as he could get.

he knew that armin and mikasa resented connie and sasha, resented him. jean, on many occasions, had made him aware of that reality—and, yes, it was reality—but eren hated jean. and he was in love with mikasa, so he tried too hard to be on her side, to please her.

honestly, he had come to terms with being a piece of shit.

but he loved hard and he couldn’t help it, which sucked because his life was a cycle of hurting people and disappointing the ones he cared about. but he wouldn’t live without that feeling.

he never really explained it to anyone because it was kind of… private. it was eren’s. no matter how many other junkies felt it—no one could feel the same thing. his was intense, alive. that feeling was fucking everything. at nineteen, out of school with nothing but his dad’s pity money, he chased that bliss. that feeling of everything, that pure fucking euphoria.

eren had taken his mom for granted. and drugs were the only thing that could make him feel the way it felt when she was alive. drugs made him whole.

sometimes he wished that his friends could be enough. it seemed easier, cheaper to not be high every day. he wondered how it was ever an option for people to stay sober—he’d tried to take breaks when he felt the need to make someone happy or to get mikasa to leave him alone, but he’d end up caving after an hour. so he kept up the charade of being sober every now and then but then stopped giving a shit.

once he was talking to armin and mikasa and they were pussying around the subject of his fucked up-ness and they suggested therapy. that made him feel weird.

the thing about eren was that he was fine. he’d always been fine. but when they said that shit, it made him wonder if there was something wrong in his brain. the stuff he didn’t like to think about was bad, yeah, but he was alright. maybe he relied too much on drugs, but that was it.

he always ended up deciding it didn’t matter. he didn’t have to think, to care. he would take it, take it all. 

he had plenty of ways to numb that pain.

[ackermancore]

Okay, at least I’m not the only one thirsting over Reiner’s tiddies

[ackermancore]

things erwin smith would do as a regular person/dad

he would say “silly goose” any chance he got

he would say “yellow” instead of “hello” when answering the phone if he had a normal life.

he would shake trail mix or any loose snack in his hands before eating it.

he is somehow always in a home depot.

he does the 🤘🏼thing instead of waving goodbye to people.

he’s so loud in stores

his laugh rumbles the entire world.

this is all true bc i said so.

[ackermancore]

𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗱𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀 #2

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