acroamatica

[acroamatica]

subduction

https://archiveofourown.org/works/65300089

Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandom:

Tokyo Debunker (Video Game)

Characters:

Ishibashi Tohma

Kagami Subaru

Kusanagi Haku

Additional Tags:

background haku/subaru

Hurt not much comfort

Drug Use (technically)

everyone at this school has ptsd

spoilers for episode 13 and episode 15

hugs not drugs but also sometimes drugs

Words: 2,035 Chapters: 1/1

Summary:

Tohma has a few coping mechanisms, one of which is late-night walks. Other people have somewhat fewer.

[acroamatica]

i think it's fine to attribute some desire to biology, like wanting to have kids. like yeah I'm sure a lot of it is the living creature need to proliferate. it doesn't bug me. same as acknowledging that love is dopamine or whatever. a cynic saying love is just chemicals in our brains isn't a gotcha. like ok we as humans were so driven and fascinated by our capacity to love that we found the exact juice that produces that feeling and gave it a name. that's awesome, actually, i dig that, i love that. with my chemicals.

[acroamatica]

little white lies

https://archiveofourown.org/works/64365526

No Archive Warnings Apply

Kagami Subaru/Kusanagi Haku

Haizono Sho/Kagami Subaru/Kusanagi Haku

Emotional Hurt/Comfort

re: subaru's april fools day voiceline

look. look

subaru is a marshmallow and he deserves an apology

Summary

"Earlier, Haku told me he was switching houses. It gave me a real shock - I'm very relieved that it wasn't true..." - Subaru's April Fools Day homescreen voiceline

[acroamatica]

[acroamatica]

reblog to tie it all together: death of the author, blah blah, you can read my work however you want and you don't even have to TELL me, but! in my head this story is loosely in the same universe as most of the rest of my td fic, and in particular these two are relevant:

ichimi doshin

velocitization

eventually i will get around to putting all the td fic up here but these ones felt important. so here you go, have fun, be kind, serve good tea.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63242806

mono no aware

Fandom: Tokyo Debunker

Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Kagami Subaru/Kusanagi Haku

Haizono Sho/Kagami Subaru

Haizono Sho/Kagami Subaru/Kusanagi Haku

Hurt/Comfort

Angst

tried to write a case and this is what we got

i just think that subaru has two hands

Tea as Foreplay

tea as deep metaphor

tea as literally everything because this is subaru

spoilers for td episode 5

Summary:

All things must pass. Except for the things that belong to Subaru Kagami.   Mono no aware (物の哀れ), lit. 'the pathos of things', and also translated as 'an empathy toward things', or 'a sensitivity to ephemera', is a Japanese idiom for the awareness of impermanence (無常, mujō), or transience of things, and both a transient gentle sadness (or wistfulness) at their passing as well as a longer, deeper gentle sadness about this state being the reality of life. (Wikipedia)

Language: English  Words: 17,319  Chapters: 5/5 (COMPLETE)

for two different birthdays and every possible reason as well as none at all. originally posted to ao3 between 20/02/2025 and 26/02/2025.

[acroamatica]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/58296991

velocitization

Fandom: Tokyo Debunker

No Archive Warnings Apply

Haizono Sho/Kagami Subaru

CW: disordered eating

Mild Angst

spicy anxiety

the porcelain doll meets the Real Boy

sho u did not just say that

leo isn't here but leo isn't not here

pat the motorcycle she likes it

very fast snuggles

senpai [endearment]

slight spoilers for td episode 5

Summary

There are a lot of things Subaru's never done. Sho wants to help with that.

Language: English  Words: 8,501  Chapters: 1/1

the one where sho absolutely cannot stop making jokes. they're all jokes, right? originally posted to ao3 19/08/2024.

[acroamatica]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/56856946

ichimi doshin

Fandom: Tokyo Debunker

No Archive Warnings Apply

Kusanagi Haku/Kagami Subaru

Hurt/Comfort

cw: vomiting

Genderfuckery

maybe he's born with it maybe it's shu uemura

Tea as Foreplay

is subaru trans? he doesn't know so why should i

but signs point to yes

so this is kiiiiinda f/m but not really but not really not

spoilers for tdbk chapter 5

Summary

In which Subaru is finally coaxed out of his shell, and Haku gets a lot more than he bargained for.

Language: English  Words: 8,363  Chapters: 1/1 (COMPLETE)

yes this is the one with the matcha and the crossdressing. i just had a lot of feelings, okay. originally posted to ao3 23/07/2024.

[acroamatica]

you know it's kind of comforting that no matter how long i go away from tumblr for, when i come back and try to post again i will always find brand new ways that the spaghetti code holding this website creaking and groaning in its web framework can disappoint me

[acroamatica]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63242806

mono no aware

Fandom: Tokyo Debunker

Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Kagami Subaru/Kusanagi Haku

Haizono Sho/Kagami Subaru

Haizono Sho/Kagami Subaru/Kusanagi Haku

Hurt/Comfort

Angst

tried to write a case and this is what we got

i just think that subaru has two hands

Tea as Foreplay

tea as deep metaphor

tea as literally everything because this is subaru

spoilers for td episode 5

Summary:

All things must pass. Except for the things that belong to Subaru Kagami.   Mono no aware (物の哀れ), lit. 'the pathos of things', and also translated as 'an empathy toward things', or 'a sensitivity to ephemera', is a Japanese idiom for the awareness of impermanence (無常, mujō), or transience of things, and both a transient gentle sadness (or wistfulness) at their passing as well as a longer, deeper gentle sadness about this state being the reality of life. (Wikipedia)

Language: English  Words: 17,319  Chapters: 5/5 (COMPLETE)

for two different birthdays and every possible reason as well as none at all. originally posted to ao3 between 20/02/2025 and 26/02/2025.

[acroamatica]

the name "theresa" is so funny like. theres a what

[acroamatica]

right i think i'm doing it so this is your signal, if you'd prefer not to hear about this wild japanese not-really-an-otome game that is consuming my entire life and person now would be a great time to unfollow me

on the other hand, if you like that kind of freak shit,

what if i took this place down to the studs and started posting fanfic again

[acroamatica]

what if i took this place down to the studs and started posting fanfic again

[acroamatica]

Respectfully, Ireland is the best country on the planet

[acroamatica]

i hate it when i cant even write a poem about something because its too obvious. like in the airbnb i was at i guess it used to be a kids room cause you could see the imprint of one little glow in the dark star that had been missed and painted over in landlord white. like that's a poem already what's the point

[acroamatica]

my masks

hey there buckaroos. due to all of the attention the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION situation has gotten i am going to take a minute to talk about my personal way as an autistic buckaroo. im going to tell you about my masks.

im doing this for a few reasons, some are good FUN reasons full of love and some are not so great. 

lets start with the GOOD STUFF. first of all, i am talking about this because speaking on my way can help other buckaroo feel more comfortable speaking on there own way, ESPECIALLY if they are good at ‘passing’ for neurotypical like chuck is. 

unfortunately the NOT SO GREAT reasons im talking about all this dang stuff are two fold. reason one: i have been put into a position of having to explain and justify my needs and boundaries by the TXLA. this is not something that i WANT to be taking up all of my time, but when large organizations do not make space for those who they have pledged to support, it puts us smaller buckaroos into position where were have to defend our existence. it is not plesent but it is necessary.

the second NOT SO GREAT reason is that ‘passing’ bisexual and autistic people like myself are ALWAYS just seconds from being gatekept from folks both outside and inside these communities. there will probably be a day on chucks deathbed where i take off my mask and say hello to this timeline (mostly so you can all see how handsome i am under here but I DIGRESS). i KNOW with absolute certainty (the same way other bi and autistic buckaroos are probably nodding along right now) that when that day comes i will STILL be accused of ‘not being real’ and ‘faking’ because i ‘dont look autistic’ and i have a beautiful ladybuck partner in sweet barbara.

ALL THAT IS TO SAY, i am taking a moment today to talk FOR THE RECORD about my neurodigence and my particular needs. hopefully i will not have to keep diving this deep every time an organization takes a discrimantory action against me, but i will also say this: at least it is a good fight on an important battlefield

anyway buds, here is the story of my way on the spectrum

when i was a young buckaroo i knew that my thought process was different. i could socialize easily, which is unique in contrast to many autistic buds (it is a spectrum after all), but my social ease was for an interesting reason. I ALWAYS KNEW WHAT OTHERS WERE ABOUT TO SAY. it was like a strange ‘human game’ where someone would say one thing and i would think ‘well you actually mean something else’ in a sort of logical way (this is why i later related to DATA from star trek so dang much). at first i remember thinking ‘well i am just NOT going to play along with this human game’. i quickly learned neurotypical buckaroos do not like this, that there is a BOB AND WEAVE to social interactions that must be learned. 

later i realized ‘actually if i WANT to make friends and prove love is real then i can do this like an expert because i can SEE the game where most cant’. this got chuck many buds and took me on many adventures. please understand, i am not saying these connections are not important to me, they are just different. they are full of love, but i express this in my own unique way.

HOWEVER, while growing up i felt disconnected from this timeline in other ways, like an alien or a reverse twin trotting along in a world that is not quite my own. i did not feel emotions the same way my buds did. they would get upset over the ‘human game’ interactions and i would not be moved at all, HOWEVER i could see the way sunlight hit a window and start crying my dang eyes out over the beauty. so my emotion was still there and VERY STRONG, i just felt it in more existential ways (like hearing the call of the lonesome train). these days that feeling has progressed to where i am pretty much in a constant blissed out state of cosmic emotional connection (make of that last sentence what you will, but it is the truth). when i make existential posts online i am not just FIRING OFF SOME CONTENT, i really mean every word. this is really my trot.

anyway as a young buckaroo these feelings made me worry sometimes. i thought about various mental health dianosises and marked the parts and pieces that matched with myself. am i this? am i that? sometimes, instead of just being’ different’ i worried i might actually be ‘wrong’. 

when i saw david byrne on letterman in my younger days i immediately recognized something connected to myself. i thought ‘wow this is the mystery being solved before my very eyes.’ i could hear it in the music of talking heads too. i started doing research and realized that i might be on autism spectrum, something that was later confirmed by a therapist (back then the diagnosis was called asperger's). it was a glorious and fulfilling moment. i was SO EXCITED TO BE AUTISTIC LIKE MY HERO. i felt very cool because of it, and i still feel very cool because of it.

one of the big reasons i talk so much about being autistic these days is because i want to make sure OTHER buckaroos can have that same moment that i did. they can see chuck and think ‘wow i really like this autistic artist, maybe being autistic is cool’

so what does an average day WITHOUT wearing the pink bag look like for me?

my thought process is exactly like ROSE from CAMP DAMASCUS, which is part of why i wrote the book. we have the same stim (complex order of finger taps), we prepare for social interactions the same way, we analyze things in the same logical trot that neurotypical people might think feels ‘detached’ but for me feels natural (certain reviews of camp damascus are very funny to me in this way. you can tell when a reader is just very confused by existing in an autistic brain for 250 pages.)

from the outside you would not be able to tell that i am on the spectrum. in fact you would probably find me very socially adept. 

the problem is, all of that masking can take its toll. i spent years trotting in and out the emergency room, talking to confused doctors who could not figure out the chronic phantom tension and pain that radiated through my body. i eventually accepted the fact that i would either live a life constantly on heavy painkillers or just stop living altogether.

eventually, however, i started noticing a correlation between the way that i felt, and the space that i allowed for chuck and the pink mask. i was exercising that tension, allowing my mental mask of neurotypical existence to take a rest. i started practicing physical therapy and this time THE RESULTS STUCK because i was approaching from two sides, MIND AND BODY. after a while, i got my pain down to about 5 percent of what it once was. i still have flare ups in times of stress, but the healing has been very real and life changing.

lets get VERY specific now. if i attended the TXLA confrence without a mask and gave my talk i can tell you this: i would do a dang good job. i can work the heck out of a crowd and (not to reveal too much about my secret way) I HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO DO THIS ON OCCASION VERY WELL. however, going home from this event i would very likely be in pain. i would likely need to do physical therapy. i would likely need to stim for a while. i would NOT be emotionally fullfilled in the same way. in other words, without my pink mask i can charm the heck out of buckaroos, but THE SPACE OF CHUCK TINGLE IS NOT THE SPACE FOR THAT. the pink bag is a place for me to not have to put up with that tension. it is a place for me to unmask mentally by masking physically.

this pink bag space SAVED MY LIFE and i am not going to risk blurring these lines. if and when that ever happens it will be MY decision, not someone elses. that is my boundary. the part of me that neurotypically masks could handle a library conference in a purely technical sense, but the part of me that chuck represents absolutely cannot and should not be asked to do that without the pink bag. unfortunately, the complexity of this point makes it even MORE difficult for me to think about and takes up even more of my time, because it forces me to START QUESTIONING MYSELF and my own needs. to be honest, that is the most insidious part of other people questioning your identify and refusing to accept your accommodation needs without ‘proof’.

the thing is, while all of this discussion of disability and accessibility is important, i have a much larger point to make by writing these words.

a conference should not uninvite someone with an unusual physical presentation or a strange way of speaking REGARDLESS of it being classified as a disability. it does not matter WHY i look the way that i look and wear what i wear. i should not have to spend all day writing this post instead of writing my next book, just because my sensibilities are unique and my presentation is unusual. 

fortunately the solution is very simple: let other people be themselves. its not hurting you to simply accept and nod at the buckaroos you think look strange. let us exist

[acroamatica]

~sampughart

[acroamatica]

Ocean's Echo Paperback & Epilogue

The Ocean's Echo paperback is out! If anyone in the US or Canada was waiting for it to drop in price, now is the time.

There is a new epilogue out with it! It is a fluffy romantic missing-scene type chapter set a few days after the end of the book. I very much wanted this to be available to everyone who already has a copy as well as international readers, so you can get access to this for free at my newsletter here. You can also get it if you haven't read the book, though once again, why.

Hope you enjoy!