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[acrosslinoleumfloors]

1. i had blood taken today and i was so dehydrated the poor lady couldn’t find Any of my veins and i’m embarrassed

2. as someone who struggles with a small cocktail of mental illnesses, i’ve had to learn to be relatively selfish with my energy.

when i was little and still slightly well adjusted, it required little to no effort to look after myself, so i had this abundance of energy and love to give to everyone around me.

then i hit high school, met some very questionable friends, and found myself firmly in the “happy friend who cheers you up” category. so firmly i wasn’t allowed to be sad because if i couldn’t be happy, there was no hope for everyone else. so firmly i would give 100% of myself to making my friends happy - no longer because i could and i wanted to, but because it was my job

but when the mental illnesses inevitably started rolling in, i needed to save all my energy for myself if i wanted to stay afloat, - making it a wittle bit hard to fulfil my Job. but i’d been conditioned to be self-sacrificing, so i drowned for a while anyway

in the three years between then and now i learnt how to be selfish though, and i started floating a bit. but the forced switch to survival mode messed up the scales; i went from giving everything to others, with nothing left for myself straight to keeping everything to myself, with nothing left for others.

but! ive now been to a lot of therapy, graduated, and found new friends, so i’m now doing a lot better! importantly, it no longer takes 100% of my energy to be okay - i have enough left in me to make my friends smile now and i’ve never been more grateful. i missed being kind

i’m a bit out of practice, but i’m very excited to remember; i was good at it once, i can be good at it again. and as long as i remember i’m striving for kindness, not niceness, i know i can do it without neglecting myself!

so 2023, im going to be kind. not just to my friends, but also to strangers, acquaintances, and myself. 

i usually don’t like new year resolutions because i struggle to stick to it, then feel icky yucky about myself after

but this year i’ve got two that feel important/achievable enough that i’m revoking my rule

1. drink 1 full water bottle a day

2. be consciously kind

[acrosslinoleumfloors]

i usually don’t like new year resolutions because i struggle to stick to it, then feel icky yucky about myself after

but this year i’ve got two that feel important/achievable enough that i’m revoking my rule

1. drink 1 full water bottle a day

2. be consciously kind

[acrosslinoleumfloors]

to be fair to riz, asexual/aromatic culture is lying about dating someone so that you don't seem uncool (if you havent accepted yourself/have been accepted by others) so riz is actually being Extremely Accurate when he talks about Baron from the Baronies

[acrosslinoleumfloors]

SHOUTOUT TO REALSHADOWFAN01 ON TWITTER DOT COM FOR THE SIZE OF THIS MASSIVE FUCKING W

[acrosslinoleumfloors]

okay so. im watching a little bit of doctor who these days, and its honestly a bit surprising to remember how much joy this show brought (brings) me? it shouldn’t be surprising of course, it makes complete and utter logical sense. But I was still a bit taken aback anyway

and u know what, fuck it – its past 9pm, time for some soul-searching . what is it about Me that makes me think this show slap so severely?

Well obviously, part of it is the nostalgia, the reminder of a ~simpler time~ (or however simple grade 8, 9, 10 could be), the familiarity and the comfort of knowing what happens in every episode, and Liking what happens in every episode

And of course, another part is its just. A fucking good show. Like objectively. Its good

But I think there’s a third part as well, which is less about my history, less about the show, and more about me as a person?

Hypothesises: I adore Doctor Who (now and when I first watched it) because I’m fundamentally Built to be a fangirl. Which is fucking embarrassing but here me out.

I have a lot of hobbies, right. I’ve learnt a bunch of random skills (usually creative – see knitting, sewing, crochet, origami, how wax seals work, etc.), I’ve played a bunch of sports (see volleyball, touch, netball, soccer, badminton, etc.), I’ve done a couple of musical things (all badly, but see violin, piano, choir, musical, irish dancing), I’ve picked up a couple of activities I would love to do more often (see iceskating, baking, cooking, camping, hiking, etc.). and they’re all great! Except maybe touch. But also, all these different activities either don’t last very long, or are revisited very rarely. Lets blame that on potential adhd <3 basically, theyre fleeting interests

So im thinking right. Whats a more Permanent Interest? Do I even have one? And you know! I think I do. I think I even have two.

The first, very simple one is music – more so listening to music than like, writing it lol, but the point still stands. And that interest is obviously because a) music fucking slaps, and b) its an excellent way to manage sensory overloads and all the noise in my head lol.

The second more permanent interest tho, is creative writing. Again, more so listening to other people’s stories than writing my own, but still. Because listen right, it makes Sense – first it was reading (harry potter, percy jackson, throne of glass), then I added movies and tv shows (superwholock, marvel, the witcher, OFMD), fanfiction (bruh) , then I added video games/watching gameplay (dan and phil’s undertale playthrough, hermitcraft, dream smp), then fictional podcasts (welcome to nightvale, magnus archives, ec.), anime (yuri!!! on ICE, haikyuu, demon slayer), dnd (just roll with it, critical role, my irl group). Im studying English at uni.

Its fucking built into my dna to seek out, enjoy, and obsess over storytelling bro. (im Built to be a fangirl help). that’s my fucking hobby. Experiencing stories. Of course im gonna like doctor who! The entire thing is layers and layers of Well Written, Interesting, Captivating stories! Yeah it slaps!

Anyway, I have no clue Why I fundamentally like storytelling so much, but I thought that was just an interesting fact about myself. Fun :D