acrownamedsapphire

[acrownamedsapphire]

all of steven universe is now on the IA

edit: hey since this blew up, i could really use some help. if everyone could just send like five bucks my way i'd be doing considerably better.

[acrownamedsapphire]

Siblings

noncon friendship

[acrownamedsapphire]

https://open.spotify.com/track/0yPmHJhA8A0crrMUyZnUfP?si=xyc3P6DeSMeXEDFeGMbSmw

I love this song :3 need a nice bit of hope :3

[acrownamedsapphire]

still kind of in awe that i just. have tits now. they're literally the smallest boobies ever in the world but they're there. and i have a bit of tummy now too. and my ass is getting bigger. modern medicine is fucking amazing

[acrownamedsapphire]

Happy Snail Snack Saturday!

[acrownamedsapphire]

fat trans people. you agree. reblog

[acrownamedsapphire]

what nobody tells you about transition is the totality of it. once you dig into gender and start expressing the way you want, you'll start to find the marks of discomfort littered around the rest of your life. you'll notice how you were never living for yourself, just following the guidelines laid out for you.

as soon as you disengage that autopilot, you're on your own. you have to decide what is actually best for you. you have to question every decision you've ever made because they were all made by someone trying to play by the rules, rules whose application will kill you.

in the year-and-change since starting my transition, I have completely changed everything about my presentation, I changed how I talk, how I carry myself, how I interact with people. I changed the company I keep, I moved cities, I abandoned a career path I had been pursuing my entire life. I lost friends, made new ones, started engaging with types of media I had never been interested in before.

there's a life on the other side of transition, and you have to claw it back piece by piece. I will never stop transitioning into who I'm supposed to be because every time I get closer, I realize there's more I still need to change.

[acrownamedsapphire]

rb to tell prev they're being so brave right now and pat their head a little please

[acrownamedsapphire]

It's scary to be transgender in the world right now but if you're transgender I love you and we have to stick together and keep fighting and keep living and keep loving

[acrownamedsapphire]

the symbiotic relationship between tumblr and AO3 should be studied in a lab

[acrownamedsapphire]

when Brennan said "The first rule of existence is: as above, so below. People are fractal images of the universe. You are as we are. In the same way your heart feels and your mind thinks, you, mortal beings are the instrument by which the universe cares. If you choose to care, then the universe cares. If you don't, then it doesn't."

when Brennan said "It is a horrifying responsibility to think because things cannot remain the same, each and every one of us must shoulder some responsibility for how they will become different."

when Brennan said "Sometimes decisions are not difficult. Sometimes they are just hard."

when Brennan said "There is no moral. The Wolf eats you one day and until it does, the forest is beautiful."

when Brennan said "I always felt the fundamental substance of the universe is creation. None of this makes any sense, when you really break it down. It's like, none of this had to happen, but it's beautiful and art is the definition of 'this didn't have to happen, but it's beautiful.' [...] It resonates with the universe because the universe is consciousness playing with itself."

when Brennan said

when Brennan said

[acrownamedsapphire]

[acrownamedsapphire]

scruffy puppygirl who you liked the vibe of so you invited her to hang with you then at the end of the day she didn’t have anywhere to go so she just kinda followed you home

she never picked out a name she liked and she hates her old name but her collar just reads “STRAY” so you can call her that if you want. she’s never had an owner before so she doesn’t really know how this works

she’s kinda hungry. no it’s fine, she’s not picky, she’ll eat whatever you want to have. yeah, she does like pizza, actually, thank you!

she feels bad for taking up space in your house, she knows it’s kinda small and you don’t have a spare bedroom but the couch is ok and- your bed?? really? are you sure? she doesn’t want to be a bother but if you insist

your bed is so comfortable, and your hands- no no keep petting her! if you don’t mind of course. it’s kinda nice… would it be ok if she kissed you? maybe just a lil cheek kiss? you’ve been so nice to her…

[acrownamedsapphire]

was put on this earth specifically to love and cherish people shaped like this

[acrownamedsapphire]

Your package finally arrived. After years of debate and worry, it's here.

Robot-HRT

You pull out the set of needles. Just like your girlfriend, 1ml syringe with 23g and 20g needles. You draw some into the syringe, the standard .2ml

You steel yourself as the needle pierces your skin for the first time. The routine is weekly, and you feel amazing... But strange.

After about a month you notice your skin hardening. Every once in a while you move and feel it, almost like plates. Throughout the days you notice the hardened patches becoming thicker, covering more of your body. It hurts, a lot.

After about three months you start feeling nauseous 24/7 from changes within you. You can feel the flesh turn to or be consumed by metal, silicon, and plastic. Burning pain sensations spread throughout your abdomen and everything is much harder to engage in. Around the same time, your skin starts to seperate. Those hardened plates of skin turn to steel causing you to bleed as it surfaces.

Six months in and your joints start to lock up, fluid between joints being replaced with synthetic lubricants. It's hard to move right, and you start to have some trouble focusing for too long.

About a year in and your head hurts. A lot. It's really hard to remember much, your girlfriend had to start giving you your injections in whatever little skin you had left because you couldn't focus enough to do it yourself. You had to take time off of work for this. So much pain from the metal taking over your skin, the constant bleeding and cracking. When you defecate it's full of discarded blood, and eventually entire organs. You're almost there, you've waited and saved so long for this.

One and a half years on Robot-HRT and your vision is blurry from it finally reaching your eyes, and at one point you lose your sight completely for a couple days before it comes back clearer than ever. Your body is writhing in agony as the last semblances of humanity leave your body through all of your orifices. It hurts, it's agonizing, but you know it will be worth it.

You lose track of days but it's eventually been two years. The pain is gone fully, and your head is clear. You take a look in the mirror and see a machine. One that moves as you do, who's words it speaks are your own.

It's you. The you that you've always wanted, that you've always been.

After a year of the most agonizing transformation you could fathom and unimaginable love from your partner, you've finally done it.

You plug yourself into an old mobile device just to see how it feels, and it's euphoric. You feel everything the machine feels, you know everything there is to know. Operating with frame by frame precision you never had as a human.

Your memories and skills are tucked away like files within folders, your mind and body reorganized and rewritten... Exactly how you thought it would be. Exactly how it was before anyways.

Eventually you enter a low power mode as your joints start to become heavy and hard to bend. You plug yourself in for the night next to your partner, knowing that tomorrow will be another day of your new body.

You wake-no, boot up the next day. You're here, you're alive, and you're...

You

[acrownamedsapphire]

average tgirl experience of saying "we need to kiss" every few days and then continuing to be stuck hours and miles away. but still we must express that we need to kiss, it's important that this gets said