actuallyanniee

[actuallyanniee]

Don’t mind me just compiling all the stuff that makes Apothecary Diaries such a compelling and standout series to me:

-Unreliable, very biased female protagonist/narrator, whose growth as a person is at the center of the narrative and their full character is not even known by the reader at times

-Flawed, complicated male deuteragonist who is biased in his own way and despite his good intentions makes impulsive mistakes very often (and those mistakes do have consequences), plus his growth is just as gradual as the protagonist

-Progress doesn’t happen overnight, it in fact takes several in-universe years and multiple new sets of characters for development and change to be fully noticeable

-There are numerous autistic/neurodivergent-coded characters, who are all fully realized people with strengths and weaknesses

-The story explores the concept of love and all its facets through multiple characters and relationships, even ignoring the main ship

-Very well-crafted politics and period-specific mysteries, with extremely satisfying conclusions (which makes the unsolved mysteries hit even harder)

-Sex-positive and doesn’t belittle its many, many female characters who do sex work for a living in the slightest, they’re all fully-rounded people who care deeply about those they love, not to mention it treats almost every other woman in the story with the same amount of respect

-Actually talks about male SA (though not explicitly, since again the main POV is biased and even the victim brushes off what would be harassment if applied to different characters), and it has a real effect on the victim

-Heavy topics like pedophilia, rape, SA, domestic abuse, racism, and systemic abuse are all talked about with great maturity and nuance

- The entire cast of named, recurring characters, as massive as it is, is extremely memorable and fun no matter their role, and many of them go through growth of their own

-The story is, while grounded in reality for the most part, not afraid to get a little supernatural at times

-Jofu <3

[actuallyanniee]

Ah yes, behold

A maiden Maomao, scared of Jinshi after the frog incident

Of course she is so NOT liking him that she decided to GENTLY STROKE HIS HAIR WHILE HE IS LYING IN HER BED /sarcasm THE ASSAULT THE HORROR

At this picture you can see human teenagers playing

This is probably my favorite interaction of them. I really hope for season 3 just to see this scene. They are so soft here. They are basically just kittens.

[actuallyanniee]

What are some traits/characteristics of Jinshi, that makes the relationship with him and maomao healthy— in a realistic sense?

where do i even begin :')

i'll try to make this solely about jinshi as much as i can (my interpretation of his character, at least), so here goes:

he puts others above himself. jinshi's #1 character trait is going above and beyond for people. it doesn't matter if they're doing him wrong or hate him; if he can find some way to help others, even at his own cost, he will. now, i know this isn't exactly healthy, but this guy is a people pleaser to his core </3

he listens. many times in the novels, we're shown how jinshi personally visits villages or people directly affected by taxes, laws, or whatever political movement the capital imposes, to gauge the people's reactions. he takes note and does what he can to help them.

he's wise and intelligent. takes one to know one. that's literally how he met maomao. to do his best work, he consults the opinions of those more knowledgeable than him (he's wise not to let something stupid like pride get in the way of his work). he takes their words to heart and takes them into consideration. oftentimes, he doesn't pursue a decision unless he's absolutely sure he's on the same page with trusted people.

he is kind and compassionate. he's been through shit since he was a child, but we don't see a vengeful streak once. this guy is so incredibly forgiving that he's willing to overlook any attempts made on his life (both sexual and murderous). this trait also drives him to help people without asking for anything in return. it's why he helped lady fuyou be reunited with her lover and why, despite his status, he wrote 200 letters begging regional leaders and political big-shots to help the western capital. and most especially, it's why shisui/loulan, suirei, and the shi clan children are still alive.

he is patient and resilient. again, people have been doing him wrong his entire life, but he still puts up with them (e.g., lakan & gyokou). he has a bad day almost every day and is stressed 24/7, but he tolerates it (despite complaining). still, he doesn't give up.

he has a strong work ethic. guy is a workaholic. if he's committed to doing something, he'll do it full-force, to the best of his abilities, and see it through till the end.

he is logical. he doesn't let his emotions dictate all his actions. if he could go about things his way, he would. instead, he uses critical thinking skills: he analyzes different perspectives, breaks elements down, and considers how his decisions will affect certain people. after all his thinking, he comes up with logical conclusions on which to base his decisions.

okay, so combine all these traits together, and we see how it makes his relationship with maomao healthy:

he prioritizes maomao above all else. everything he does, he takes her into consideration. when he makes decisions, he always has her safety in mind. he does this solely because he cares for her and doesn't want to put her in harm's way. he protects her, ensures her needs are met before his, and goes to great lengths to keep her from getting hurt, both physically and emotionally.

he listens and respects her boundaries. maomao is complicated. she has a skewed sense of value, self-worth, love, and all things emotional. she's also uncomfortable with grand gestures of affection, yet that doesn't stop him from pursuing her. and he does so in a way that is convenient for her, even if he has to take so much shit in the process.

he is supportive of her dreams and ambitions. though he views their status difference as an obstacle, he wields it for her benefit (he even created a new position just so maomao could practice medicine and opened up opportunities for her to become a surgeon.). he doesn't find her obsessions weird; instead, he sees value in their potential and actively encourages her to hone her skills. he also respects her expertise and doesn't command others to acknowledge it. he lets her competence speak for her as he stands from the sidelines, watching her shine.

he's incredibly patient with her. do i even need to expound? with all his princely authority, he could easily command maomao to reciprocate his feelings. but because he loves her so much, he doesn't. he sees her as someone he wants to be on equal footing with. however, because maomao is a different breed, he works for her affection and remains patient despite her constant avoidance. thus, the push-and-pull continues for 12 volumes. he's careful not to push her buttons too much and quickly observes how she reciprocates his advances.

he values her intelligence and trusts her. he never mansplains or acts like he knows more than her. he holds her words with heavy weight and consults her with things he finds difficult. even for stuff he's already figured out, he still seeks out her opinion because what she says and does matters to him.

he's loyal to her!!!! my guy is committed! he's thrown himself into this path ever since maomao said he'd always be jinshi to her, and he hasn't looked back or away since. he's determined to win her heart no matter how long it takes, and he will see it to the end.

i could go on and on and on about how self-sacrificial and beautiful jinshi's love for maomao is. the average guy would've given up on her, but he has the wits and intelligence to match her pace. he's likely noticed how maomao treats him differently from the rest and picked up on her kindness and compassion. he held on to that and kept faith, giving maomao the time needed to sort out her emotions and feelings, hoping his efforts would be rewarded someday.

now, i'm not saying jinshi is perfect. in fact, some of his character traits can be viewed as flaws. but when you really think about it, jinshi is a PRINCE living in a patriarchal society where women had little to no rights. yet he's doing all this FOR MAOMAO, a woman and a 'common apothecary.' despite his nobility, he's intentionally making his life difficult in his pursuit of her, yet he doesn't give a rat's ass. he wants her with every fiber of his being, and he wants her to want him too. but he's doing that on her terms.

however, jinshi's traits alone aren't what make their relationship healthy. jinshi loves maomao, but maomao values jinshi just as much. she cares for him, notices even the smallest things about him, observes him and his moods, supports him in any way she can, gets mad on his behalf, and gets worried and frustrated when he hurts himself for her or others, she feels comfortable when he's being his true self, and above all, she feels safe around him. there are so many more examples, and it's hidden in plain sight in the novels; you really just have to read between the lines.

maomao and jinshi are just humans, navigating feelings and personal relationships for the first time. it's an absolute delight to witness their growth and how far they've come, positively impacting each other despite their personalities. now that they're technically dating as of LN 12, they still have a long way to go, especially with communication and maneuvering this unfamiliar territory together. their love is so wholesome, strong, beautiful, and genuinely healthy. they truly bring out the best in each other, and you just can't help but root for these two freaks.

[actuallyanniee]

The mask of the Moon Prince 🌙

I still have mixed feelings about the latest episode but I can appreciate how they were trying to show that the Moon Prince is just another facade Jinshi wears. In almost every frame of him storming the stronghold he’s seen with a “hard” expression.

Part of me was irritated with this animation choice as it could be a bit stiff in places and I felt there could’ve been more than just “angry eyebrows” to his expression. In the novel he does still display some of his usual petulance towards Gaoshun and a distracted quality which exemplifies his internal struggle in taking on the mantle of Zuigetsu. Not to mention there’s indication that the reason he chose the ambush was because of Maomao, that’s why his words to go with Lakan’s plan “betrayed him” vs it having to do with reducing casualties. That being said, this “mask” of the Moon Prince is represented well with his change from the normally charming, overly flowery nymph to a reserved, mature soldier. His masculine features also come to the forefront, his voice being less indulgent and taking on a commanding tone. All these things representing who he is as the Prince.

In his interaction with Lihaku in the novel he’s described as looking “agonized, as if he was going to be torn apart”. I do wish they would’ve had that little variance in expression to show Jinshi’s conflict there. However, the rigidness in expression does make it all that more stark when he’s reunited with Maomao and his face changes immediately. His eyes lift, voice becomes softer and although he’s not the “palace nymph” anymore, he’s just himself with her which is an important distinction.

Maomao allows him to throw away any masks or pretense, even if only for a moment, as when the soldier walks back in he’s once again the Moon Prince. He does the same for her in kind, allowing her a minutes reprieve from all the stress of having just said goodbye to her friend. While I think there still could’ve been more nuance to the characters animation and scenes, on reflection I liked these moments for what they reveal about how much Jinshi is having to carry, assuming the weight of his royal title and persona.

[actuallyanniee]

One of those days

[actuallyanniee]

Autism be upon ye

[actuallyanniee]

Being a disabled eldritch deity is kinda funny because that means I got nerfed to be able to fit in this reality.

I wanted to experience life but was too OP so I got a physical disability and a neurological disability too.

[actuallyanniee]

the worst part about ocd and ocd-like tendencies is that you think hyper-analyzing your thoughts and constantly psychoanalyzing yourself will fix you but that's actually part of the disorder. it's the disorder. disordering.

[actuallyanniee]

hey guys new diagnosis just dropped: EVIL AUTISM

[actuallyanniee]

There IS better autism research they could be doing, like trying to discover other medications that help with sensory issues and quality of life problems and trying to get better childhood diagnosis rates for autistic girls. But no, the decades long useless search to find out what causes autism and how to eliminate it continues. The push for “autism research” is never really about how to make things better for autistic people, it’s about how to make autistic people stop existing and that is nottttt possible. But they’ll continue to fixate on it.

[actuallyanniee]

I'm the biggest champion of critical thinking skills you'll meet but what scares me is that all the critical thinking skills in the world only do so much when you're bombarded by new information faster than you can process it. That's why constant exposure to short-form video is so insidious in a way even other social media is not.

[actuallyanniee]

You'll see a post about how being disabled is hard and you don't get any aesthetic disability aids, and you'll think "Oh yeah, it sucks, people stare more and get uncomfy because your problems haven't been bedazzled to their liking"

But then the very first tag will be some shit like "fucking hate people with hEDS over this"

And suddenly, you aren't relating or sympathizing anymore, because this is the third time this week that someone in the cripple punk tag has blamed your diagnosis for ableism, without seeming to care that saying people with EDS are less inconvenienced because they have "the pretty disorders" is really fucking ableist.

And then you start to wonder if cripple punks actually think physically disabled people are a community, or if they think they should be able to handpick who qualifies as being disabled enough.

[actuallyanniee]

Honestly? that’s why the apothecary diaries is SUCH an insanely long slowburn; it seems ridiculous for it to take nearly 4 years for a couple to get together, but given their circumstances? Entirely necessary. The current Maomao and Jinshi at the point the anime is at are definitely NOT ready to be in a healthy relationship. There’s a lot of things that need to happen to them both, character development to go through etc before theyre ready to be in a romantic relationship.

All that ship talks kinda reminding me that Maomao has yet to acknowledge the fact that she's capable of having affection for people. Romantic feelings seeming to be far fetched at this stage of her character progress.

[actuallyanniee]

Speef is real to me. I'm sorry for that.

[actuallyanniee]

“surely this will not cause my chronic illness to flare up,” i say, actively doing something that has never failed to flare my chronic illness

[actuallyanniee]

[actuallyanniee]

It's still kinda wild how Phineas and Ferb managed to completely hijack an idiom. Now whenever someone hears a sentence leading with "If I had a nickel for everytime [...]", odds are their brain auto fills with "I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice," rather than "I'd be rich," or "I could [action that requires purchasing something requiring an obscene amount of money]". Y'know, what the idiom originally was