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[actualvarric]

SOONA, THE PROGRAMMER – “What are your radiocomputer specs?”

1. “My what?”

2. [Logic - Challenging] Tell her the Fortress Accident specs.

[CHECK FAILURE]

YOU – “Oh, uh- he/him? Thank you for asking.”

SOONA, THE PROGRAMMER – She does not respond immediately.

EMPATHY – She is confused. She thinks she has misjudged the situation.

KIM KITSURAGI – Beside you, the lieutenant struggles not to smile.

SOONA, THE PROGRAMMER – She turns to the lieutenant. He, at least, is capable of coherency, she thinks. “So… What are your pronouns?”

KIM KITSURAGI – A moment of hesitation- he’s thinking. Then:

KIM KITSURAGI – “Coupris Kineema twelve-cylinder rear-mounted V12 KR13.5HU four speed manual.”

[actualvarric]

i want a shirt that has a QR code on it for some kind of horrible malware so that if anyone ever tries to film me in public their phone will automatically scan the code and be reduced to a functionless brick

[actualvarric]

VOLITION — An RPG, huh? That phrase feels familiar, somehow.

INTERFACING [Medium: Success] — Not just the phrase. These mechanics, the feel of arrow keys under your hands.. You’ve done this before. Not this exact game, but similar.

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Challenging: Success] — The game you are looking for is OFF, an RPG made in ‘08 by one Mortis Ghost about something called The Batter, an entity sent to purify the world he resides in.

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Medium: Success] — That sounds just like you.

COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] — Yes, but despite the respect you hold for this noble mission, you never quite finished the game. You got stuck on one of the last bosses: The Queen.

INLAND EMPIRE [Formidable: Success] — You just could not do it. Looking at her made you sick.

PAIN THRESHOLD [Medium: Success] — So you don’t know the ending. This has apparently been subconsciously eating away at you for a while.

LOGIC [Easy: Failure] — ..Maybe the lieutenant knows something? You should ask him. Ask him if he has ever beaten OFF before. It’s the only way to calm your lore-driven heart!

YOU — “Kim, can I ask you something?”

KIM KITSURAGI — “What’s the question? I hope it’s related to the investigation.”

RHETORIC [Challenging: Success] — Watch out! You say “beat off” here to mean completing a playthrough of OFF, the RPG video game by Mortis Ghost. However, the phrase “beat off” is also euphemism for masturbation! Without context, it would appear you were talking about masturbating!

YOU — Whoa… I’d better be more careful!

RHETORIC — Yeah, you’d better. Now say “never mind” and never ask him anything like that. Ever.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Medium: Success] — Ever? What a party pooper. It’s cool, man. You’re cool. Kim’s cool. It’s important to get to know your partner.

YOU — “Actually, never mind.”(Don’t ask him)

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Medium: Success] — Out of the corner of your eye, you see a gigantic centipede on the ceiling.

YOU — Turn to look at it.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) — It fades away.

[actualvarric]

This whole drive I can’t stop thinking about that one retelling where Odysseus is a long haul trucker and Athena is a voice on his radio…

[actualvarric]

IT AIN’T SO SIMPLE, BABY! 🌟🎶

[actualvarric]

[actualvarric]

i love calling literally any media that i dislike “masturbatory.” it just feels so scathing and satisfying. masturbatory, navel-gazing, self-indulgent, cloying, vapid, and hollow. an utterly pointless exercise in shock and spectacle from a spoiled, coked-up narcissist playing dress-up as an artist. god that felt good

[actualvarric]

love that dynamic in Deepthroat 9 where Sheriff Oboe is like "SQUART quit trying to sell KLINGON METH to the Bamongan Priests in MY promenade" and Quink is like "fuck you i want to kiss you with tongue so so so badly"

[actualvarric]

types of infused water I’ve been told to make:

hot dog water

pickles

[actualvarric]

[actualvarric]

new on the app store!

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new quiz!

[actualvarric]

I was bored so I took a mental age test, twice

Taking an avg., I’m 11

Accurate 

[actualvarric]

*lotions you* *lotions you* *lotions you* *lotions you* *lotions you* *lotions you*

[actualvarric]

skyrim was named for its prodigious yogurt

[actualvarric]

What was your obscure chatroom/forum that you used before social media? Don’t say Gaia Online or Club Penguin. I’m talking obscure.

[actualvarric]

the immune system is such bs tbh. you are diseased so now we have to fill your lungs with gunk. oh no! oh no! oh no! theres gunk in your lungs! cough it up right now! still filling them up with more gunk btw