adalyntylnn

[adalyntylnn]

((short but painful.))

Turning her phone on had been a big mistake.

Adalyn wanted to reply. She wanted to tell Thorn that she was fine and that she hadn’t done anything wrong and that she loved her too but she couldn’t bring herself to type the message out.

It took three hours for her to finally write a text and get her shaking finger to press the send button.

Everything had been quiet for four days and everything had been still. Quiet and still were not two things that Adalyn often spent a lot of time being associated with and very slowly she was bringing herself back from the edge and back to the confidence she once had.

She always bounced back from these things- a side effect of the earlier years of her life that she wasn’t proud of but accepted- and this would be no exception. It would just take time.

‘Thorn, I’m not alright. Not really. I know that I have been ignoring you but I swear that it’s not on purpose. Something happened last week and I just need some space to get over it. It’s not your fault, I promise. If you want to come over, it’s fine but please please please please just act like everything is normal. I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it yet. I think it would be nice just to see you. I love you too.’

That was the hardest part. She was still afraid and loving Thorn? Loving Thorn was what she was terrified of. What if Thorn was next or Thorn got hurt because of her? What if Thorn had to know and then refused to talk to her for not telling her sooner? What if this was how it ended?

‘I love you.’

She sent it again and, although the text couldn’t convey the emotion it had taken her to write it, it meant something to her.

((I did the writing thing again. So much angst it’s unreal. Warning: this ficlet hints at abuse and violence due to sexual orientation. Apart from that, enjoy the heartbreak that I can put into the Modern AU.))

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[adalyntylnn]

((I did the writing thing again. So much angst it's unreal. Warning: this ficlet hints at abuse and violence due to sexual orientation. Apart from that, enjoy the heartbreak that I can put into the Modern AU.))

Adalyn felt numb and ached at the same time. The world didn’t move and yet it spun faster than the speed of light, blurring her thoughts and feelings with the tears on her cheeks.

She stared up at the ceiling of her bedroom, arms spread out to the side, hair splayed out around her head like she had been shot and blood was pooling out from her head. Bandages covered her arms, her shoulder, her stomach and her legs, eyes as red as the specks that soaked through the white and out to the surface.

Inside, she wasn’t nearly as still. Inside she was shaking and crying and screaming but, when she was forced to her limit, she shut down and blocked out the world. Inside she could feel her heart breaking and her confidence faltering.

She had always known there was dangers in being yourself- especially when yourself wasn’t as ‘normal’ as the brutes wanted her to be- and she had always known that not everyone could be won over with a smile. She had experienced hate- shouts and shoving and mild aggression- before and she had scrapped with the dogs on the floor but for different reasons.

Now, not only was her body under attack but her entire being and it hurt. It hurt like drowning only to wake up and find that you have to go through it again and again and again, finding no rest or peace or comfort anywhere.

Her shirt and jeans had been discarded as soon as she had gotten the chance, the white writing like a neon sign to remind her of why she was so afraid to be her.

Her entire wardrobe was unbearable to see now. Sayings and jokes that she had loved to show weren’t things to be proud of and were things to be scared of. ‘I am as straight as my hair’. ‘Lesbionage’. ‘Nobody knows I’m a lesbian’. Even the shirt Danial had got her for Christmas one year- ‘my girlfriend got seven headshots on me, is stubborn as hell and is my best friend’s sister but I still love her’- made her wince.

It had been hard to go out that evening and act like nothing was wrong. It had been tough to wear one of those shirts and pretend she was still as bold and proud as she had been. Truthfully, she hadn’t even wanted to go but it was an annual get-together and it would have been more suspicious if she hadn’t gone.

Questions about not replying to calls or texts had been answered by a dead phone. Queries about how she was had been answered with lies and false smiles. Even when someone brought up Thorn, her smile was a lie like the rest of her.

I am proud of me. I am proud to be me. I am proud of me. I am proud to be me.

She didn’t feel it even though she told it to herself over and over, lights in her room turned down low, bed linen changed so it wouldn’t smell like Thorn, five empty beer bottles on the bedside table and a bucket on the floor. ~ “Do you mind if you don’t come over today? I’m not feeling great.” Adalyn lied, phone on speaker, the sun stuck behind her undrawn curtains as she curled up on the sofa, laptop balanced on the coffee table so she could watch her films.

She couldn’t handle seeing Thorn. Not today. Not when her lungs threatened to burst and her stomach turned at the mere thought of even looking at the woman, let alone spending time together like they did.

“Are you alright?” Thorn asked, voice a little garbled by the connection. Of course Thorn would see through her disguise; Thorn was the master of walls around emotions and the blunt tone to Adalyn’s voice was clear, even through the effort she put in to make herself sound realistic.

“I’m just feeling a bit sick; that’s all. I was going to sleep most of the day and I know you have things to do.” That wasn’t completely a lie. She did feel sick and she was going to sleep most of the day and Thorn did have things to do but it wasn’t honesty either.

As soon as Thorn agreed, she hung up and switched off her phone, ignoring Danial’s text as it came in. She pressed play on her film, pulled her blanket up to her chin and watched it, disconnected from the world around her.

It was easier that way. Blocking everything out was simple but it meant that she was alone with her thoughts so that’s where the films came in. It didn’t matter if she could recite all the lines backwards for fun, it was a distraction from that.

It didn’t work. Every onscreen punch was like a real one and each drop of blood tore at the remaining foundations that Adalyn had until she slammed the lid shut and sat, shaking and silent.

She could hear the calls, see the glares and feel each blade against her skin, tearing at her until she felt like she was falling apart.

I am scared of me. I am afraid to be me. I am scared of me. I am afraid to be me.

That was the worst part of all when it finally sank in: she was afraid to be herself in a way she had never thought even possible before.

I am scared of me. I am afraid to be me. I am scared of me. I am afraid to be me.

[adalyntylnn]

Adalyn: Franglais

If my characters were languages

((You should reblog with your characters))

Sand: Latin Mephariz: Spanish Illindriel: German

[adalyntylnn]

((I have been on half term break for just over 5 hours and already I am writing sad Adalyn angst. Someone hold me or her, whatever. ))

[adalyntylnn]

if people came with warning labels, what would mine be?

I’m interested to see what you guys come up with.

[adalyntylnn]

Me: *opens Tumblr* *sees Livvy's reply*

Me: Yeeeesssss! Cutie pie time!

Me: *Writes half of response*

Me: *Changes mind and starts again*

Me: This is better.

Laptop: What's that? You're satisfied with something you really enjoy doing?

Laptop: Wouldn't it be a shame if someone...

Laptop: You know...

Laptop: Crashed and deleted that reply...

Me: SCREW YOU!

[adalyntylnn]

Adalyn rolled her eyes and sighed. "She punched an elf in the face." She repeated, her tone lightly mocking Danial's choice of words. "Not 'she was a good companion on the road' or 'she did all the hunting for the entire journey' or 'she saved my life multiple times'."

She looked to Asher. "It's also a little more complex than that but I'll need another two pint before I can share that with you... maybe one if you can persuade that cute girl in the corner to come and say hello." She only had real interest in the woman next to her but a pretty face was a pretty face whether or not you were interested or just joking. "I am joking." She clarified under her breath when she noticed Thorn tense up a little.

"Or, actually, you and the baby bear can share how you two met? I am curious and it only seems fair to trade stories."

Crossroad Keep - Closed RP w/ mercenarysiblings & adalyntylnn

Asher’s palm slid to the small of Danial’s back as he gazed up at him in assurance. However invasive Thorn’s questions might be, and no matter how inappropriate he found them, she was still Danial’s sister. He understood her concern, but that did not make the manner in which it manifested itself comfortable. His smile was genuine when Adalyn returned, bless her timing! He nodded immediately, eager for some of the tension to dissipate lest he lose his patience. His dark eyes sought Danial’s when Adalyn spoke of trust. There was no mistaking the abundance of warmth that flooded his gaze in that moment. Danial knew him, the truth of him, and that was all Asher needed. Giving Danial a brief squeeze, he stepped back to take a seat, pulling out chairs for both Danial and himself. "Thank you, Adalyn," Asher murmured, offering the woman a deep appreciative nod.

[adalyntylnn]

Sometimes I can bearly believe the amount of puns this game has.

[adalyntylnn]

childeofsune replied to your post: Behind the scenes

{Archery buddies. I’m crying that’s so cute. ;o; }

((Not as cute as Asher. ^-^ ))

[adalyntylnn]

Pro tip on handling multiple RP accounts:

When making a new RP account, instead of making a whole new e-mail for it, you can simply make one Gmail account and use it for all your blogs. Wondering how? It’s very simple.

Let’s say your Gmail address is yourname@gmail.com. Gmail doesn’t see variables of that address with dots as alternative e-mail addresses, but rather as the same address. So: y.ourname@gmail.com or y.o.u.r.n.a.m.e@gmail.com are all the same account and Gmail will send all mails sent to those addresses right through to you. But the thing is, Tumblr sees it as all different e-mail addresses!

Neat, ey?

So, when making a new account on Tumblr, you won’t have to go through the hassle of creating an e-mail account to verify it! You can simply use yo.urname@gmail.com or yourn.ame@gmail.com.

Also very handy for those who want to return to old blogs and are prone to forgetting passwords and the e-mail address they used for their account, making it impossible to get back into their account. If you have used a viarable of yourname@gmail.com, all you have to do is log in to your Gmail account, search for notifications of your lost blog and see what e-mail address is used! Voilà, you’ll be able to reset your password and reclaim your homeland. :)

[adalyntylnn]

'Behind the Scenes'

Adalyn: I had another thought.

Me: Here we go.

Adalyn: Two actually.

Me: Go on then.

Adalyn: One, you should probably- you know- poke Livvy with a stick to make sure she is busy and it isn’t a case of her not knowing.

Me: Yes but that’s rude. Her life, her rules, her own time. Next point, Ads.

Adalyn: You still need me to figure out Sand is my father. 

Me:…

Me: You know, you aren’t meant to know that…

Adalyn: Your hinting is the worst. Evalith could see it and she’s dead.

Me: Well, I’m sorry that planning a long and complex plot is difficult and mildly terrifying because I have the world’s biggest writers’ crush on Drack.

Adalyn: Just lemme waltz in and be like “I’m your daughter???”

Adalyn: And Sand will be like “??????”

Adalyn: And then I can be like “Don’t you go ‘?????’! I’m the one ‘????’ing!”

Me: You’re drunk off the current thread, aren’t you?

Adalyn: You made me drink it.

[adalyntylnn]

Behind the scenes

Adalyn: Hey…….. hey! You still there?

Me: Why wouldn’t I be?

Adalyn: Well, you haven’t exactly been doing much.

Me: Neither have you!

Adalyn: And who’s fault is that though?

Me: Alright. What do I need to do then?

Adalyn: Weeeeeellll….

Adalyn: *in one breath* I wanna meet Illindriel and Ophelia. You have about 3 different replies that you should have replied to a while ago but haven’t. If you really loved me then you’d have sent Asher starter because I want him to be my archery buddy.

Me: …

Me: You done?

Adalyn: For now…

[adalyntylnn]

Send me 'Behind the scenes' for conversation between the mun and the muse

[adalyntylnn]

What is your muse's worst fear?

"Losing my friends. I’ve lost everything else and that would just be the final blow really."

[adalyntylnn]

[adalyntylnn]

"To friends." Adalyn agreed and finished her ale in one go. She wasn't sure whether it was the liquid or something else that made her feel so warm inside but it felt nice... like home. She hadn't had a home in such a long time but then she'd started to meet people who could handle themselves and weren't responsibilities or burdens but just company. And now she had Thorn too.

In the grand scheme of things, Adalyn wondered if Luskan had actually done more good than harm. She knew not many people could say the same but those brutes and assassins and mages were the reason she had all her new friends and they were the reason she could now be happy.

She shook her head, pulling herself from her thoughts. "Ugh, I'm thinking too hard for someone who just had two pints." She smiled, shooting little glances at Thorn every now and then, keeping an eye on her just incase.

Crossroad Keep - Closed RP w/ mercenarysiblings & adalyntylnn

Asher’s palm slid to the small of Danial’s back as he gazed up at him in assurance. However invasive Thorn’s questions might be, and no matter how inappropriate he found them, she was still Danial’s sister. He understood her concern, but that did not make the manner in which it manifested itself comfortable. His smile was genuine when Adalyn returned, bless her timing! He nodded immediately, eager for some of the tension to dissipate lest he lose his patience. His dark eyes sought Danial’s when Adalyn spoke of trust. There was no mistaking the abundance of warmth that flooded his gaze in that moment. Danial knew him, the truth of him, and that was all Asher needed. Giving Danial a brief squeeze, he stepped back to take a seat, pulling out chairs for both Danial and himself. "Thank you, Adalyn," Asher murmured, offering the woman a deep appreciative nod.

[adalyntylnn]

((More texts!! This time featuring Sand, Ophelia and Illindriel!!))

((This one is Danial, FYI.))

((Rough headcanon: Adalyn and Sand first met when she stole a lot of things from his shop and got prosecuted. When it was discovered that actually he was her father, he dropped the charges and it was a massive news story for a good few months after. They still sometimes get photographers taking pictures when they go out for coffee or something.))

((I wonder what that shady idiot is up to now...))

((Illindriel and Adalyn get along and Sand hates it soooo much.))

((He really really hates it.))