adamsrcnan - Tumblr blog

[adamsrcnan]

gansey's love towards ronan is so deep and beautiful and well translated in that scene in trk where theyre at the barns and ronan just laughs. and that's it. and gansey's mind goes "that's my boy, that's my almost brother, that's the one who is struggling so much, that's the ronan lynch before his world fell apart, before he found his father dead just fifty meters away from where we are now and his whole life crashed into pieces, that's him, he's healing, he's surviving through the worst". and how am i supposed to just live my life after that. i cant handle it

[adamsrcnan]

we are NOT talking about this enough. catalina alvarez the woman that you are

[adamsrcnan]

buzzcut season for jean and neil !!!!

[adamsrcnan]

reblog to pet prev

[adamsrcnan]

i'm thinking about jean and his magnets and postcards again and it seriously breaks my heart. the way he pulled out that first postcard and his heart sank when he saw the writing was blotted out and how he desperately spread them all out trying to find any still salvageable. and then the bear missing a piece and the hope that maybe the missing bit was at the bottom of the box but there was nothing there so it would never be fixed. like they knew it was his favourite and purposely left it irreparable.

and i need to know so many things!!! like when was the first time kevin gave him each of them?? what made him think of jean and pick them up?? what had he written on the back of the postcards??

what did jean think and feel when kevin first gave him them??? did he clutch them desperately in his hand?? bc it had been so long since anyone had given him anything after he'd been snatched from his home and come to the nest empty handed and reduced to a number. did he immediately display them proudly in his room?? or did he keep them hidden at first?? afraid that riko or someone else would take them away from him.

why was the bear with the beret his favourite??? what if it's because kevin handed it to him a stupid smile on his face saying "this one reminded me of you" and jean looks at it skeptically and says "why?? bc of the beret and i'm french?" and kevin just snickers a little and jean rolls his eyes and kevin says something teasingly in french newly taught by jean and jean feels something pull at his chest and he clutches the magnet tighter and says a curt thank you but every time he looks at it he'll remember how kevin smiled at him and how for a second they felt like normal kids and not helpless caged animals. and then he gets them back and they're broken and ruined but they're the only thing he's truly owned in so long so of course he will keep then forever even if he can't bear to look at them anymore. even if the thought of them damaged and destroyed makes him sick to his stomach.

and then!! and then there's jeremy who notices when jean's gaze lingers on the magnets on cat and laila's fridge and gets all excited when he spots jean's collection and tells him they can make room on the fridge and isn't aware of the sadness jean probably has to force down when he tells him they don't stick anymore and how jeremy automatically assumes it's because they were well-worn and sentimental bc he has no idea how much they meant to jean and how they were used as a way to get to him to hurt him.

my heart hurts it really hurts thinking about it. i really hope the trojan's start gifting him some and he starts a new collection and idk maybe jeremy learns the truth about what happened to them and tries his best to fix them up again or even searches desperately to find the same ones and maybe kevin hears about it too and starts sending jean new ones whenever he travels so that one day jean will think of those old ones or even see them up on his fridge or in a drawer and he won't feel an ache in his chest anymore.

[adamsrcnan]

i hope they take sooo many pictures together and jean keeps all of them pinned up on his wall

[adamsrcnan]

something about jean dying in all the other drafts really gets me like wdym no one would ever have known how soft and caring he was underneath it all or how he had a sister or how he put away the leftovers without asking and cared enough to ask about the safety of someone he barely knew and how he was desperate to love and be loved all along. ofcourse kevin and renee and neil wouldn't have forgotten him but they did not know all the pieces of who he was and what he survived and what he was trying to be, in his heart of hearts. jeremy will know, eventually. but what if he never did? what if no one ever ended up truly knowing him and loving him and saving him? would they piece the deepest parts of his heart by the postcards and magnets and memories of a too soft boy in a too cruel world?

[adamsrcnan]

Fox

[adamsrcnan]

what do you mean neil josten knew to calculate the distance between him and an older man so he could easier avoid getting hit (and run away) when jean moreau calculated to stay within arm reach of his coach because “a coach who had to get up to strike hit harder than one who could simply take a swing”. i’m gonna be sick.

[adamsrcnan]

at a certain point, it became painful to look into his eyes 🤧

[adamsrcnan]

"I will love them enough that it changes the narrative" but it's Nicky's love for the twins finally giving them a stable home where they could heal, Jean's love for Kevin giving him the chance to escape Evermore, the twins' love for each other saving them from their abusers, the foxes' love for Neil making him into a real person, Andrew's love for Neil giving him something to build a life around outside his promises, Renee's love for Jean saving his life, Jean's love for Elodie convincing him that he doesn't deserve everything that happened to him—

[adamsrcnan]

Still trying to get through tsc without crying :)👍

[adamsrcnan]

Cat's and Jean's friendship is very important to me 🫂

[adamsrcnan]

Jeremy and Jean are living inside my head and I don't care that they don't pay rent (working on some redesigns for these two)

[adamsrcnan]

"Did you think you were special?"

[adamsrcnan]

we're so back, aftg nation, let's gooo

[adamsrcnan]