adayinthelifeofb

[adayinthelifeofb]

Today was boring

I haven't really got anxiety for the past few days, but I feel unfocused, bored. I can't really concentrate on anything. Have been having trouble sleeping at night, really tired during the day, every day. But at the same time, I feel good. I feel bac to normal. I feel the same as I used to.

I don't really now what it means.

I'm acing all my exams at school, I'm proud. I'm not doing much at home. I'm spending time with the love of my life and my baby cat.

Life is well. Even if it seems really fucking boring these days, I'm happy about how it's been going.

[adayinthelifeofb]

Haven`t posted in a few days.

I've been so exhausted every single night, I couldn't find it in me to write posts.

Tuesday was weighting day, I weighted 116,9 kg, last week I was at 118,5kg and two weeks ago I was at 119,5kg.

I did my 4 days of exercise last week. On thursday I had an exam, I was a little stressed about it, I was done after 45 minutes. On friday morning I was nervously waiting for my mark, and I got almost perfect, only one error, that was great.

Friday was a horrible day, I was splitting a LOT and I left class earlier wanting to just say fuck it, fuck everything, I'm done, I'm never coming here again. I'm still feeling a little bit like that, even tho I cooled off. I can't cope with not being good enough at something, I'd rather just abandon. I wanted to go get groceries after school but bf was too tired after work, so I just ordered our grocery through walmart delivery. Got here early afternoon on saturday.

We put the groceries away and we went to another store to get a few things more. Came back home and we put that away too, instead of just letting them sit in bags for weeks lmao. Bf made me a great sweet and sour vegan sauté over white rice, loveddddddd it. It's my lunches for the upcoming days.

Yesterday, on sunday, I did the dishes, I washed my hair, cleaned up around a bit, folded the laundry and then prepped my lunches for the week. I cut up loads of carrots, broccoli and cucumber, put some ranch in sauce container. I legit can't wait for my lunch !!! I couldn't do my muffins because bf didn't do his part of the dishes and dishes needed to make muffins are still dirty. He says he will do it tonight. As if.

Let's see how today goes.

[adayinthelifeofb]

Today was great.

I couldn't fall asleep last night, when my alarm went off this morning, I couldn't get up. I missed up on so much sleep this weekend, I decided not to go to school (first time in a month) and just take a 'me' day.

I woke up at almost 9am. I played a little, I ate, I did yesterday's dishes, I cleaned up in the bedroom and I finally did my drawers !!! (I've been procrastinating that for 3 months now lmao). I also fell asleep around 2pm, took a great 3 hours nap, all snuggled up with my baby cat. I finished my show today, starting a new one. Bf came back from work around 5pm, we played, I ate hot doggggs. We just stopped. I'm gonna drink my Bedtime tea, watch an episode of something and go to bed, I feel beyond exhausted.

I had no anxiety today !!!

Goodnight.

[adayinthelifeofb]

Today was good.

I woke up this morning around 8, bf still asleep. I played a couple games of overwatch and then I did some personal quests on wow waiting for bf to get up. Finally woke him up around 10:30 with cuddles. We started playing around noon.

We played until 8pm, i took several breaks in between, I did some dishes, cleaned up a bit, I made my lunches for the week, no exercises today.

I got no anxiety today !

Just took a bath, I'm gonna start making muffins in after this post - they're my breakfasts for the week. After that, I'm gonna snuggle up with my baby cat continuing love is blind and go to bed.

Goodnight!

[adayinthelifeofb]

Today was a good day.

Last night, me and bf cuddled watching arriety, he fell alseep after an hour, he's so precious. Went on my phone and watched mindless videos for two hours, fell asleep way past midnight.

This morning, woke up multiple times because the cat (not my bby) wouldn't stop meowing. Meow meow meow meow for more than an hour. Finally got up at 7am, beyond pissed. I took it out on bf, so he woke up pissed too. We took half an hour to calm down and we made up.

Today was the big day, the launch of a private server we've been waiting for weeks ! Went online at 1pm, so during the morning we put some chicken, potatoes, carrots and onions in the slow cooker with a chicken/mushroom broth. I did my exercises. We made coffee, we were excited to play ! We played with his lil bro.

We played up until 10pm tonight. 9 hours. I had around two cups of coffee and I started feeling a bit anxious and panicky around 4-5pm, and I disclosed that to bf. He immediately went into solutions mode ! It's been such a long time I haven't played non stop for hours on end. He came to see me in our room and, just the sweetest, "we've just been sitting for a long time with pent up energy. Come with me, let's do something, let's do some cleaning, you'll feel better to stretch a little !" So I followed him.

I made some laundry, we cleaned up a bit in the kitchen for about half an hour, I felt so much better to get up and do something. What would I do without him?

We stopped playing because I was feeling really sleepy, I wanted bath. He run me a bath, we put a bath bomb in and he turned on the new season of love is blind for me to watch while relaxing. Stayed in for a good half an hour, feeling really sleepy rn. Asked him for a "Goodnight" tea. He just brought it to me with a kiss. So now, I'm gonna snuggle up with my lil baby cat, drink my tea while continuing love is blind and fall asleep feeling secure and relaxed.

Goodnight!

[adayinthelifeofb]

Today was a little bad.

This morning I didn't wake up at the same time as bf, as he had the day off work. We usually get up at the same time, spend an hour together/waking up until I leave for school, get a couple kisses before I leave. None of the this morning, let him sleep. Left already missing his interactions, kisses. He made me lunch yesterday tho !!! Had a lil anxiety this morning, I hoped I'd have my exam's result today (did it yesterday). I didn't lol.

I don't like what I'm working on right now, I got some bits of anxiety here and there during the morning, couldn't concentrate for the first time all week. Hated it. Decided to cut school short ( :( not supposed to) and left 1h30 before the end, I went to my bf's parents to meet up with him.

Lots of hugssssss and kissesssss that made me feel happy. Went to get a coffee (second of the day), socialized with his lil bro for an hour or so, caffeinated myself a lil too much I think ?? I got a little anxious again, felt too hot, difficult to breathe. Tried to concentrate on it to bring it down a notch but we just decided to leave. Went home, I played a few games of overwatch, ate a snack and then did my cardio. Really pushed myself today. Then did nothing, in my bed for the past 2 hours.

Me and my bf are gonna snuggle and cuddle in front of Arrietty (studio ghibli) in a few minutes, I've been waiting all day for this. I can't wait to unload and just receive love, be held and be in my love bubble.

Goodnight !

[adayinthelifeofb]

Welcome to my life.

Hi everybody (anybody...) !

Opening this blog was a big step for me. I have been thinking of doing it for a couple of weeks now but I couldn't find the courage. I wanna introduce myself a little, even if no one ever sees this post.

Hello, I am B, 24 years old, I have two ginger cats (my baby on my profile pic). I've dealt with anxiety my entire life, I am diagnosed with BPD since I was 17, no medication, no therapy (lmao I need it). Also diagnosed with ADHD since I was like 5, unmedicated again (lmaoooo). I dealt with severe depression for an entire decade, from 2009 to 2020 (11 to 22). I got out of it (unmedicated too, listen, I said I was a mess). I dealt with alcoholism when I was 17 (2015), got sober, on my one year anniversary I used drugs for the first time and became heavily addicted to speed (early 2017). I heavily relied on it for 4 years, greatest love of my life, helped me stay alive. Got to my breaking point on February 9th 2021 and I celebrated my 2 years anniversary last month !!! Hardest thing I've ever done. Haven't popped a single pill since.

I was an anorexic during my addiction, everything turned around food consumption, calories burning. Would only eat once a week for months at a time, on and off for 4 years. When I stopped using, I started binge eating. The past two years have been uncontrollable for me. The first year, I went in a state of mind where it was better stuffing my face rather than popping a pill. I gained 100 lbs in the process, in 12 months. Not even exagerating. I gained another 20 lbs during the second year. Two weeks ago, I said enough was enough. I was at 119.5 kgs. I started doing these 2 videos on youtube, cardio for plus size people, 20 minutes. I did 7 sessions in 11 days. Let's see how it's gonna go !!

I have a boyfriend, my soulmate, the love of my life. I met him summer 2017. It has been a rocky relationship to say the least. When we met, he was more of an addict than I ever have been. We were a couple after 5 days, moved in after 3 weeks. He got clean late 2018. He has been my anchor ever since we met. He is my biggest emotional support. Every year our couple is getting stronger and stronger, every year is better than the last. I don't know how I'd survive without him in my life. He was/still is my first ever boyfriend/relationship. I've never wanted to pursue dating, until I met him, I was 19, he was 20. He was the same, never had a girlfriend either. Going through mindless, unemotional sex with unknown faces. When we met, we both knew. We were made to be together. It was hard but I would do it all over again and again and again.

I graduated high school in 2014 at 16, I never did anything else with my life. Only worked at shitty fast food jobs that made me wanna die. I went back to school last august, in Infography. Found out it wasn't my place after 3 months, pursued Secretary instead. Started February 28th. I've been doing amazing so far.

I have a very small family. It's only my mom and sister. I have a brother but he lives very far away, we didn't stay in contact. My mom lives a couple hours away from me, she has preschool twin boys and she takes care of my grampa who has dementia since christmas 2019. My sister lives in another continent with her girlfriend since 2018, we keep in touch daily but she only comes around once a year for a few weeks.

Long post, but kinda explain every aspect of my life I could possibly write about in my future posts. I actually can't wait to start talking to myself ! This post got me all excited !!