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addictiontomarvel · 2 years

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Hold me close

Paring: Tfatws!Bucky x Fem!Reader

Summary: After you and Bucky had returned from a mission you got into a fight and as he raised his hand you backed off ‘cause you were thinking he was about to hit you

word count: 5.4K

Warnings: angst, fighting, hitting, Tony stark being an asshole(yes he’s alive), Bucky Barnes (yes he has to be a warning)

A/N: this is my first writing and hope you like it. English is also not my first language so sorry if I made any mistakes while writing

Not my gif ( gif-credits to @jamesbuchenan )

You woke up feeling strangely lonely the next day, already missing the warmth of the body that was normally pressing against you for the night, comforting you in all ways possible and it made the night even better knowing that the warmth came from the man you call your boyfriend. As you opened your eyes and looked to the right side of you king sized bed to see if your loving boyfriend might be still laying in the sheets, you saw that the sheets on his side of the bed were still untouched, like the night before when you got into bed. It even looked like that Bucky wasn’t even there the whole night and it made you uncomfortable in some kind of way. Where has he been the night and why didn’t he come to bed with you? He wasn’t mad at you, was he? No, why would he be mad at you.

The last day was kind of fucked up and it made you even more uncomfortable to think about the occurrences of your last mission. You didn’t wanna lose a thought about what happened. But you couldn’t stop thinking about if the failed mission was the reason why Bucky wasn’t here the night.

You and Bucky had been sent by your father Tony to go to observe a Hydra base and it should have been an easy job, something even little Peter Parker would have bean able to do, but Tony desperately wanted you and Bucky for this kind of mission. You knew that this was Tonys kind of way to test his daughter if she was ready to go to more dangerous missions and you wanted to show your father as desperately as he wanted you to go on this mission that you were as capable as the other members of the team. But who would have known that one little decision of yours could have cost yours and Bucky‘s life. If Bucky hadn’t been there to save your ass, you would have probably been dead by now.

You and Bucky were currently disguised as normal Russian citizens and you were slowly getting closer to the Hydra base that was seated in the middle of Moscow. The day before your actual mission Bucky made sure to install a listening device to one of the buildings were most of the agents were operating. So the closer you got to the base the better you could eavesdrop to what the hydra agents are saying to each other. You had parked your car a few miles away from the base just to be safe and to be able to listen to their conversation as much as possible and being disturbed by trying to not get caught if you would move to close to the base.

The Hydra agents were in the middle of a discussion about their new found weapon on the black market and you were sure that this was the reason Tony had sent you and Bucky to go to this Hydra base and eavesdrop on them to get as much information as possible. But suddenly the device in your ear made some strange beeping noises and the voices of the hydra agents got cut off. So when the device wasn’t any help anymore you decided that you would have to get closer to the base.

Bucky has tried to stop you but you told him that this mission was important to you and your father and that if you didn’t get him enough information he would never send you one of the more interesting missions. Bucky still tried to convince you to stay by his side and to not be stupid but you didn’t listen to him and got out of the drivers seat. Bucky, who was sitting in the passenger seat let out a quiet sigh and the followed you carefully to the building. You were walking on your tiptoes to not make a sound so that you and your boyfriend wouldn’t be seen by hydra.

Shortly after you entered the piece of ground where the base had been seated you stoped at a small and abandoned building and hid behind one of the many brick walls but it still wasn’t close enough for your liking so you decided against Buckys will to step a little closer to the next building. It was made out of brick as well and in one of the walls where you hid behind was a little hole where you could see through and observe the situation inside. But to your surprise it was empty. Not a single soul in sight. You just thought that it was weird because the voices you had been listening to in the car had become louder and it wasn’t from the device in your ear.

Bucky was right behind you because he promised tony to protect you no matter what you would do and Bucky was someone that would never break his promises. So he also followed you to the second building. „Is this close enough, doll?“ he asked you but you shook your head. The voices were still muffled and to get your father some good information you needed to be even closer and that’s what you did. As you already knew, the building you were hiding behind was empty and to your benefit was right next to you a wooden door that led you into the building. When Bucky saw what your plan was he reached for your arm but only got a loose hold of it because you already slipped through the opening and into the building. The closer you stepped to the wall on the other side of the building the louder the voices got and when you looked through another hole in the wall you could see some hydra agents standing in the middle of a field facing the building.

As you looked to the door where you had slipped through you could see Bucky all worried and trying to get you back without having to step into the building but you were as stubborn as your father was, so he decided to wait for you because you held up a finger for him, signaling him that you only needed one more minute to get the context of their conversation.

The hydra agents were talking about a new weapon they wanted to try out and as it got quite outside of the building you got curious to what was going on so you looked once more through the little hole in the brick wall but that was it when you saw it. One of the agents held a massive weapon in his hands pointing it directly at the building you were inside. You thought he might be joking but then you heard the click of the weapon and something flew directly towards you. As fast as you could you stepped away and tried to reach Bucky.

He had heard It too and was trying to get to you but as the flying something hit the building, he grabbed your waist and pulled you close into him and into a little shaft that was hidden inside the ground with a metal gate. His metal arm was held above your and his head as the building collapsed onto you. You kept your eyes shut waiting for it to be over but suddenly it was quite and the only thing you could hear was someone starting an engine and driving off. That’s when Bucky pushed with all his strength a fragment of the building off of you and stood up to help you out of the shaft.

You coughed as dust was flying around the room and your vision was a little blurred from the sudden explosion of the building. Bucky was holding your face in between his hands and a worried look was formed on his face „are you ok, doll?“ he asked you and turned your head to the left and to the right to see if you were injured and indeed you were. Blood was running down your temple and you had a cut on your lower lip that was bleeding pretty bad. „Thank god, I thought I would loose you“ he said and kissed you carefully on the lips, trying not to hurt you.

Back at the compound Bucky had met up with Tony while your injuries were cleaned by dr. Banner and while you were sitting in his office when Bucky knocked on the door and walked inside „your dad wants to speak to you when dr. Banner finished with cleaning your wound he said and placed his hand on top of yours. You sighed because you knew that this wouldn’t be a nice conversation with your dad. As you looked at Bucky you could see that he was pretty injured as well, probably even more than you were. His clothes were ripped and blood was dripping down his flesh arm. He had a black eye and a cut on his left cheek. Bucky looked like he had fought with a tiger or something like that.

When Bruce was finished he had asked Bucky if he needed help but he declined Bruce’s offer to help and grabbed your hand to lead you outside of his office. „I’m so sorry that happened..“ you said and he only responded with a quiet hum. The rest of the path to your dad was quite uncomfortable. You could basically feel the tension in the air. You swore that if you would have a knife you would be able to cut it. Shortly after you two had arrived the office of your dad and you didn’t knew why you were nervous but your heartbeat was so fast that it almost sprung out of your chest. Would Tony be mad at you? Well you didn’t die and you got the information he had asked for.

As Bucky opened the heavy wooden door you could see your father sitting at his desk which was placed at the end of the room right in front of big windows that took up almost the entire wall. Your dad was sitting in his leather stool singing some documents that were in front of him. When he had heard the door open, he had looked up at us and as soon as he saw me and my boyfriend behind me his expression changed from focused to angry but also to a somehow worried expression.

„Come on in you two“ he had said and gestured you two step into his office. Tony pointed to a chair for you to sit in but you shook your head and kept standing while Bucky still stood in the doorway of the office and didn’t move a muscle. „Why do you want to speak to me father?“ you had asked him and he let out a heavy sigh. Tony couldn’t look you into the eyes.Instead he either looked to the bookshelves on his right side or to Bucky. „You failed the mission y/n. How could you be so reckless to walk into that building when you knew that hydra agents were right in front of this damn building“ he almost screamed at you hitting his fist on the desk. You flinched slightly at his reaction and it made tears form in your eyes „You wanted information and I got them for you! This was the mission. To get you information about this hydra base and I did bring you information so I wouldn’t say that I failed this missions, Tony“ you responded and you never called your dad by his name. You only did it when you were angry or even disappointed at him.

„ And it wasn’t your job to get almost killed Y/n. I‘ve trained you for mor dangerous missions and this one was an easy one and I can clearly see that you’re not ready. I don’t think you ever will. Can you imagine what it would be like If I lost you on a mission that I sent you on? It would be my fault and I would hate myself for sending you on this mission“ he said and you could have sworn that his voice sounded a little shaky as he spoke to you, „go to your room! I don’t want to see you for the rest of the day!“ he said and pointed at the door and gestured you to leave his office and out of his sight.

You couldn’t understand him. Missions were always risky wether they seem less dangerous as others and he knew it and so did everyone else on the team, but to Tony you were like a fragile egg that was almost about to crack and would fall into millions of pieces. You were angry. Angry at your dead but also angry at yourself and at Bucky ‘cause he just stood there and let your father talk to you like that. Why wasn’t he supportive? Why didn’t he say that it wasn’t your fault?

You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t notice that Bucky wasn’t following you to your room to watch a movie with you like you always did when you or him got home from a mission. As soon as you had arrived the room of the two of you, you felt this feeling of coldness that wandered about your skin but you shook the feeling of and opened the door by grabbing the doorknob out of metal and twisted it to right. When the door flew open you took a step into the room and it felt cold. It felt like the same coldness that had wandered over your skin just a few seconds ago. It felt lonely and empty. Again you had shrugged this feeling off of you and walked to your bed to sit on the freshly made covers. You arranged the pillows on the headboard of your bed and laid against them taking a book from your nightstand and opened it at the site you had left it on the night before.

A hour into reading you had decided to go to sleep as it was slowly getting dark and your body was exhausted from todays mission, so you put your bookmark between to pages of the book and laid it back onto your nightstand and stood up from the bed to get chained into your night clothes. Before you walked into the bathroom to brush your teeth you took a glance at your phone the see if Bucky had texted you, why he didn’t come to watch a movie with you but there was nothing. Not a single notification. You signed and walked along with your night clothes in hand into the bathroom that was connected to your and your boyfriends room. After you had brushed your teeth and got into your clothes for the night you took your phone that was resting on top of your book and wrote a message to Bucky to let him know that you were heading to bed and that you loved him. Afterward you got under the covers and turned of the light and soon after you fell into a deep sleep.

You sat up in your bed and looked to the closed door on your right. Your phone still laying on top of the book where you had left it. You reached over to grab it to see if Bucky had answered you, but as you turned on the screen you saw that there wasn’t a notification. The only thing visible where the blue rakes at the right side of your message, that let you know that he had read it. You frowned at his reaction of you telling him that you loved him because usually he would answer with something like that he loves you even more than you do. Maybe he was just tired or he was out with his friends and just got lost in the moment and forgot to write a response. You decided to brush it of and stood up.

Today’s weather was sunny and there were no clouds in the blue sky. It was the perfect weather to go for a jog, so you walked to your closet which was at the farther end of the room. As you opened your drawer you rummaged through your freshly folded clothes until you had found the pair of sport leggings you had searched for. Together with a sports bra and a shirt you walked into your bathroom and slipped into your clothes, washed your face, brushed your teeth and put your hair into a ponytail. Lastly you had put on some mascara and your running shoes from next to the door.

In the corridor you met Clint who was on his way to the training room to probably test out some of his new trick arrows. You said a quick good morning to each other and then you headed into the kitchen area which was connected to the living-room where you had seen Steve sitting on the couch reading the newspaper, „morning Steve“ you said and grapped an apple from the bowl that was standing on the kitchen counter. „Morning y/n, how are you feeling today?“ he had asked and closed the newspaper while speaking to you, placing it on the coffee table and grabbing the cup which was standing in front of him. You told him that you were already feeling better and that you now were heading out for a jog, „wanna join me?“ „sorry, came back just a few minutes ago, but might be catching Bucky outside, he wanted to take a few more round before heading back“ you nodded and walked outside.

Just then you saw Bucky walking back to the compound so you decided to stretch a little until he had reached the door to walk inside. When he did you approached him and walked where he was the night and why he didn’t answer your message, „sorry doll, I was out with Steve and Sam and I had drunken a little to much and I passed out in on the couch. It wasn’t my intention to ignore your message“ he said and pressed a slight kiss on your forehead before walking inside.

Bucky had just drunken a little to much the night and had passed out on the couch. Everything was good between you too and you basically just overthinked to much. You smiled at him and then went on your daily jog. While working out you could feel the rays of sun on your face and it made you feel good and like everything was going to be ok. As your injuries began to hurt a little, you decided to head home and to jump under the hot shower to wash off all the sweat that had been forming because of the warmth of the sun.

Later that day you were sitting with Nat and Wanda in the living room gossiping about the boy Nat had met a few days Avon in one of the many clubs here in New York. Bucky was standing at the kitchen counter getting himself something to drink. His eyes lingering you the whole time and it didn’t go unnoticed by the three of you. „Is everything ok between you two?“ Wanda had asked you quietly and you nodded. Everything was ok, so you stood up and walked over to the kitchen counter and came to a stop on the opposite side of the counter and directly in front of Bucky. „Hey beautiful boy, what are you doing here all alone?“ you said and he just looked into your eyes and then down to your parted lips. „I was just watching my girl having fun with her friends or is this forbidden“ he said and grabbed your hand to lead you around the counter.

When you had reached him he paced his hands on your hip and pulled you even closer to his body. Your eyes wandered for a quick moment to Wanda and Nat but they were already gone, giving the two of you some privacy, „I feel bad for not joining you the night and I want to make it up to you“ he confessed and looked at his feet but you couldn’t stand that he was feeling this way so you raised his head by his chin so that he had too look into your eyes. Without saying a single word you pulled him closer until yours and his lips met in the middle. Bucky‘s hands were still placed on your hip and as you kissed him his grip tightened and he lifted you up and sat you onto the kitchen counter. „I love you so much y/n, you cant imagine how much“ he said and pressed another kiss onto your lips.

Just then Tony walked into the living room and when he saw Bucky and you he told Bucky that they were having a meeting in the conference room in a few minutes. He nodded and let go of your hip and to follow Tony to the upcoming meeting. When your father had passed you he hadn’t bothered to even look at you two. He still seemed mad and you were thinking about a way to make it up to him. When Bucky had left your side, you jumped of the counter and followed them as well but as soon as Tony noticed you following them he stoped in his track and turned around to face you. He was standing In front of the door to the conference room but he held his hand into the air, his palm facing you, telling you to stop as well while Bucky held the door open, „not for you Y/n!“ he said and turned around to walk into the room.

You were confused. Since when weren’t you allowed to join a team meeting? You were as allowed as other teammates so you simply decided to walk into the conference room. Your dad was standing in front of a projection what looked like clues for a new mission. When they were talking about a new mission why weren’t you allowed to join?

„What is going on here?“ you said so that everyone in the room could hear you. Your arms were crossed in front of your chest looking directly at your father, „why are you discussing about a new mission without me? I have the same right to be hear as you!“ you said now in a more angry tone than before. You just couldn’t understand them, especially your father. He sighed and crossed his arms as well as you did and his expression changed from focused on what he was saying to a sort of annoyed and angry expression and it was directed right at you. He looked over at Steve who was sitting at the front of the table and then to Bucky who sat at the opposite side of where Steve sat. Steve nodded at Tony and Bucky could only look at his hands. „Y/n, I said that you aren’t allowed in here because you are suspended from missions. I thought you knew!“ he said with a strict tone in his voice. You were shocked as you heard that you were suspended from missions from now on. Just because you were his daughter didn’t mean he could do with you what he wanted. It would still be your decision to go on mission and he was not allowed to take this away from you. „How long?“ you asked because you knew that you couldn’t discuss such a topic with him. He was a stubborn person and you couldn’t change his opinion easily.

„as Long as I am the boss!“ he said and with that you had lost your patience with him, „this is not fair! It’s because of yesterday isn’t it? I got you the information you wanted and you still punish me for something I did right! This is unbelievable! I hate you“ and with that you left the room and stormed of into your room and locked your door. Out of anger you threw the books that stood on your shelf through the room and destroyed the mirror in front of your bed.

By the time the meeting was over you sat in the middle of the chaos which was once your room. Your fist was blood from punching into the mirror and tears where falling out of your eyes and onto the wooden floor. You desperately tried to quieten your sobs as you began to hear footsteps that got closer and closer. You thought that they walked past your door when they had suddenly stopped so you let out a big sob that you were trying to hide in but that’s when you heard the handle twist and turn but the door didn’t open. You were glad that you had locked it because no one would like to see the state you are in right now, but the you heard the worried voice of our boyfriend and how he tried to get you to open the door. You didn’t answer him, you just wanted him to leave you alone. You were mad at him that he didn’t stood up for you and let your dad do that to you. Bucky got even more worried and he feared that you would get a panic attack. You once had a panic attack in front of him and it was the worst thing he had ever seen and he swore to himself that he would do everything to prevent it from happening again.

In Bucky‘s opinion Tony overstepped his position. He was your boss but also still your dad and to say something like that to you in front of the whole team was wrong, but he still had a point and he was right to suspend you from missions but what he said after meant that Y/n wasn’t allowed to go to a mission ever again and this was in Bucky‘s opinion very wrong.

He was standing in front of yours and his room and wanted to get in but you had locked the door so he tried to kick it in and as it finally flew open he saw you sitting on the cold wooden floor in a mess of broken fragments. The mirror all burst and your books lying all across the room. When the door flew open you had hidden your bloody hand in your lap so that whoever was standing in the doorway wouldn’t see it at first. You were a shivering mess and you just couldn’t stop the tears from falling. As you looked to the right you saw Bucky standing there all worried and as he saw the broken mirror and all the shards in front of you, he knew that you had bunched it. He walked towards you and got into a tuck Position and grabbed your bloody hand that was still laying in your lap. He sighed and carefully pulled out a sharp of your hand.

„Why did you do this, doll?“ he asked and pulled your face to him so you had to look at him. His ocean blue eyes shimmering with worry and as a response you only shrugged with your shoulders. Bucky let out a sigh and pulled you carefully in a tight hug as you let all tears fall. You wrapped your arms around his chest and buried your face into the crook of his neck as you cried. Bucky‘s metal hand rubbed your back while his other hand was resting on your head. „Why didn’t you stand up for me?“ you had asked and as Bucky heard these words he didn’t know what to answer. You were his girlfriend so why didn’t he stand up for you? Was he scared of Tony?

When he didn’t answered you had pulled away from him to look him into the eyes and said it again, „ why didn’t you stand up for me?“ „because Tony is right, doll“ he said that and your eyes widened at his words. Did he just say that your father was right? You stood up and took a step backwards and Bucky could see the mistake he had made by saying such a thing but he almost had lost you that day and he didn’t want to live through such a situation ever again. „Doll, you have to understand“ he started forming a sentence but you interrupted him before he could end his sentence, „no I get it. You think what my father did was right and that I’m incapable of going to a mission. That I will only be a burden to the team and that we will fail the mission because of me!“ your voice got louder every few words and Bucky could see that you were clearly mad. Not only at your father but also at him.

„Y/n, don’t you understand? You could have died yesterday, don’t you understand that! I could have lost you and I would feel miserable because it would have been my fault. Your dad send me with you so I could protect you if anything went wrong and I couldn’t almost keep my promise“ he said and now tears were falling from his eyes. „You are just so selfish and you don’t even see it! Tony was right to suspend you! You failed the mission“ „When you think that I’m so selfish and lousy then why don’t you just break up with me!“ you screamed at him and stepped closer to him showing off all of your anger that had been build up inside of you. „Maybe I will!“ he screamed back at you and raised his hand to brush through his hair but as he saw that you flinched at his movement and backed off from him his expression and voice got suddenly softer and he took a step back as well An expression of panic had formed on your face and your breath got quicker. You wouldn’t think that he would hit you, would you? You looked anxious and as he noticed it he carefully stepped closer to you and took your hands into his, „what’s wrong, doll? Did you really think I would hit you?“ he asked and you just couldn’t look into his eyes. Your breath got a little calmer again so that Bucky could wrap his arms around you and pull you into a loving hug, „did someone hit you before?“ he asked now all worried.

Finally you could look into his eyes and nodded slowly. You licked you lips and let go of him to walk to the bed. Bucky followed you, not letting your hand go and as you both sat down on the sheets he waited for you to talk to him and to tell him what had happened, „my ex boyfriend used to hit me when we fought and when we were fighting and you raised your hand I thought that you were about to hit me…but I know that you would never do this Bucky, I’m so sorry“ you said and looked at your hands But Bucky lifted your head with his right hand and pressed a kiss to your lips, „don’t be sorry, doll. Just remember that I would never lay a hand against you! And I‘m sorry for saying that I might break up with you and for saying that you’re selfish, because you’re not you just wanted to prove to your father that you are capable of succeeding at missions.“ he said and pressed another kiss to your lips and got up from the bed. „Where are you going?“ you asked and he told you that he would talk to your father to try to change his mind about you, because you clearly didn’t deserved this, but as Bucky wanted to walk away you grabbed his hand and pulled him back on the bed, „ what are you doing?“ he looked confused but you just sat up and pressed your lips at his, kissing him with passion, „please stay. My father can wait“

Bucky decided to stay with you but before you both laid in bed and cuddled for a while he took you to Bruce‘s office so that he could look at your bruised and injured hand. After all this was sorted he brought you back to your room and you both had decided to watch a movie before he would go to talk to your dad.

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