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thinking about episode 57 of wolf 359 (the devil's plaything) and giggling and rocking back and forth. a sane and well adjusted individual

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god honestly im so thrilled for stefan deathbecomesher because imagine how successful his book is going to be once his nda expires?? like it was already probably going to have built in sales just by the nature of being a hollywood tell all but the fucking ending??

just,, out of nowhere, his evil boss’ ex girlfriend-enemy (who she cucked out of marriage) sends her an axe and an invitation to her book launch after not hearing from her in a decade, and then, the next morning, you show up to work as per usual and evil boss’ husband (and ex girlfriend’s ex fiancé) rushes downstairs in a drunken panic (it is 7 in the morning), tells you that your boss (who hasn’t booked anything except the before in a wrinkle cream commercial in ten years) has been cast in a movie in London she never once mentioned to you and they’re selling the house and moving overseas right now, tearfully calls you a good person, and then fires you point blank

and then then, like a couple hours after, her husband falls off a roof so bad his spine has to be fused, and your boss and her situationship frenemy fall off the face of the earth, only for it to come out like a couple days later that helen sharp died peacefully in her sleep (she was 50) and madeline ashton died in a yacht explosion (of which she was the only known casualty, so apparently she was solo yachting so bad it blew up) (this actually tracks)

and also there was never any movie in london so that was just a total lie

like oh my god. the fucking speculation?? especially since ernest is never going to publicly say jack shit about madeline ashton ever again or what happened on that roof. was it mob connections? marital spat? did madeline and helen try to kill ernest and fake their deaths so they could run off to be lesbians together?? literally you couldn’t ask for a juicer conclusion the internet is gonna explode

stefan probably names it something crass and unintentionally ironic and cunty like ‘speaking ill of the dead’ and makes millions (and madeline is furious for .5 seconds before realizing that actually 🤩🤩🤩people are talking about her again 🥰🥰🥰🥰 and it’s helen’s favorite book ever written and she owns twelve copies)

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Survival Tip No.638

Yes, you could have tried harder.

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Survival Tip No.646

You are not Marco Polo, Ferdinand Magellan, or Neil Armstrong. You are not a brave explorer setting off to make a name for yourself by conquering the great unknown. You are a skilled technician with a very particular, very specific job. Unless you receive explicit instructions to the contrary: don’t try to be a hero.

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Survival Tip No.16

If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid.

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good morning this came to me in a dream

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open tags <3

Tagged by the lovely @keenbugg to describe myself using only pictures saved on my phone

Tagging @cowboyhatesithere @isopodonanescalator and I’m sorry I’ve forgotten everyone’s else’s url so I tag you

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Melchior Gabor from Spring Awakening is Fame < Infamy!

requested by @to-wonder-and-to-learning

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hardcore lesbianism is always the way to go!! Also uuahhhh BMC faketweets yay

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Jean, can you get some work done, please?

🎥 @lasagnatrades

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And I'm trying my best to write everything down To fill in the gaps so that when you're around It'll be like you've never been gone As if you'd been here all along Because you can't just miss out on the songs

Dear Bill / Operation Mincemeat: A New Musical

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they just come to me like little fish in a bowl