ademonhasmysoul

[ademonhasmysoul]

The first one,

Gave up his choice halfway through.

The second one,

Chose someone else every time he was drunk

The third one,

Kept me close but never chose me

The fourth....

Something tells me that I will continue to never be the chosen one.

The pain of never being wanted enough....

[ademonhasmysoul]

The essence of you,

The one that I still catch a scent of,

In the next page of an interesting book,

Under the pile of fresh laundry,

Or fluttering out of the oven with the cookies baking inside it.

I still find you,

Hidden inside silences of songs

You might love,

In comics featuring cats,

Or was that you as a background dancer in that music video?

Somewhere I keep hearing your voice.

And unlike anyone else's,

I haven't forgotten it.

I can read a sentence out and sound just like you.

I don't think I ever meant to know you so much.

But I do now.

And the weight of knowing you,

Of perhaps loving you,

Could hold down the tallest stack of papers from ever flying away.

But I like it here.

Because now,

Maybe

Just maybe,

Someone's here to make it lighter,

And love me into forgetting you.

[ademonhasmysoul]

Falling is fun.

I know I am too scared to ask you if you feel the same way. Cause if you didn't, moving on would be easy yet difficult.

But falling is fun.

I believe in serendipity more now. Things happening at random share the same energy as thoughts of you fleeting through my mind.

[ademonhasmysoul]

It's unreal how I am having an angsty misunderstood phase at the age of 26. You'd think those only roll around once in your entire life.

[ademonhasmysoul]

We live in a very reflective world. Yet I can't see myself.

The reflection of me. Of the concept of me. Of the idea of a person like me. That's there. Curated on different social platforms. From ideas, to friends, to dating preferences.

Yet in all these mirrors. I can't see me.

To feel a certain disconnect when I look in the mirror to brush my teeth everyday.

As I catch a glimpse of me in my rear view mirror.

As my long shadow falls on the ground when I walk my dog.

I have projected this me everywhere around.

But when someone takes a picture of me, when someone captures me, I wonder who is that?

I don't ask questions about what she does or what she stands for...

But to see a person that I never agreed to being. She isn't mean. She isn't a bully. There is nothing wrong with her. She is a human.

But she isn't me. And I for sure am not her.

So I look away from mirrors. And refuse to have my picture taken.

I hope that the day when I see myself, I see me. One I am happy being. Soon.

[ademonhasmysoul]

March 14:

There's this certain restlessness that resides in me telling me there's more out there and I am more than worthy to receive it. That I have only known so little of the world that to actually be in content in seeing a part of this beautiful world makes me ill at being at ease and it keeps me up at night, dreaming and longing for that familiar place that calls out my name yet is unknown to me. And I am aware that this restlessness may bring me to danger, even death, nevertheless, I'd be willing to go through fire than stay in this place of comfort that seeps my soul away. Dying by every second of knowing and feeling that everyday I get farther away from the life that is mine but am still to hold.

[ademonhasmysoul]

[ademonhasmysoul]

[ademonhasmysoul]

babes is there anyone who isnt hanging on by the thinnest thread known to man rn or are we all just going thru it this week

[ademonhasmysoul]

Remote team funsies

Co worker from another city told me that she'd be coming to my city soon. That just made my sad day not-so-sad after all. XD

Day of weirdness

Hello

I am sad. ha. Didn't want to be sad on twitter so here I am instead. And if I my Instagram audience that I am sad then they will ask questions which I'd rather not answer.

Trying sad enough songs is hard. WiFi sucked at home so surprise surprise I'm at a Starbucks.

Trying not to cry over a iced latte. New lows have been reached.

But productivity is at an all time low but who cares right?

[ademonhasmysoul]

Day of weirdness

Hello

I am sad. ha. Didn't want to be sad on twitter so here I am instead. And if I my Instagram audience that I am sad then they will ask questions which I'd rather not answer.

Trying sad enough songs is hard. WiFi sucked at home so surprise surprise I'm at a Starbucks.

Trying not to cry over a iced latte. New lows have been reached.

But productivity is at an all time low but who cares right?

[ademonhasmysoul]

[ademonhasmysoul]

Ravenclaw: I hate my life.

Slytherin: I hate your life, too.

[ademonhasmysoul]

[ademonhasmysoul]

Slytherin: I’m a born winner. I didn’t even need nine months to be born. I came out in seven.

Ravenclaw: That’s… not good.

[ademonhasmysoul]

Ravenclaw: *internally, after Slytherin roasts Gryffindor* He’s so hot but so crazy… which makes him even more hot.

[ademonhasmysoul]

Secrets

I don't dare let it slip

from between my lips

or open up the box I have

taped up on the shelves

of the storage room in my heart

or let it shine from behind my eyes

that it's you I dream about

and it's you that I long to love

but you moved on from me

and our made up fantasy

world a long time ago.