adhd-sakura

[adhd-sakura]

i think it's really fun that the most destructive legal action that can be enacted on someone else in the united states is just "extend parental rights to an adult"

[adhd-sakura]

As a late diagnosed autist I will say one of the most damaging but transformative experiences I've ever had was being misdiagnosed with BPD.

Everyday my heart goes out to people with BPD.

The amount of stigma and silencing they face is astonishing and sickening.

I took DBT for years. Therapists use to turn me away because of my diagnosis.

I would be having full blown autistic meltdowns, crying for help literally - but because I was labeled as BPD ANY time I cried I was treated as manipulative and unstable.

As if the only reason I could be crying was if I was out to trick someone.

95% of the books out there with Borderline in the title are named shit like 'How to get away from a person with Borderline', 'How to stop walking on eggshells (with a person who has BPD)'

I was never allowed to feel true pain or panic or need.

That was 'attention seeking behavior', not me asking for help when a disability was literally inhibiting my ability to process emotions.

There were dozens of times where I had a full meltdown and was either threatened with institutionalization or told I was doing it for attention.

My failing relationships weren't due to a communication issue, or the inability to read social cues. No, because I was labeled borderline, my unstable relationships were my fault. Me beggong nuerotypicals to just be honest and blunt with what they meant was me pestering them for validation.

Borderline patients can't win.

And the funny thing is - I asked my therapist about autism. I told her I thought I was on the spectrum.

BPD is WILDLY misdiagnosed with those with autism and I had many clear signs.

Instead - she told me 'If you were autistic we wouldn't be able to have this conversation'. She made me go through a list of autistic traits made clearly for children, citing how I didn't fit each one.

And then she told me that me identifying with the autism community was the BPD making me search for identity to be accepted - and that I wasn't autistic, just desperate to fit in somewhere.

I didn't get diagnosed for another ten years. For ten years I avoided the autism community - feeling as if I were just a broken person who wanted to steal from people who 'really needed it'.

Because of my providers - I began to doubt my identity MORE, not less.

Ten years of thinking I was borderline and being emotionally neglected and demonized by a system meant to help me.

To this day, I still don't trust neurotypicals. Not fully.

I know I'm not borderline now - but my heart aches for them. Not for the usual stuff. But for the stigma. And the asshole doctors. And the dismissiveness and threatening and the idea of institutionalization hanging over their head.

I love Borderline people. I always will. I'm not Borderline but if you are I love you and I'm sorry.

You're not a bad person. You're not a therapists worst nightmare, you are a human with valid feelings and fears.

Borderline people I'm sorry.

[adhd-sakura]

me: executive dysfucntion is a very real phenomenon, and it is one that is very distressing and debilitating to experience. if i am sitting down and begging myself to work but finding myself unable to, despite rising anxiety and panic at the prospect of not working, there is a good chance that that is what i am experiencing

the goblin setting fires in my brain: no i think you're just lazy

[adhd-sakura]

"temu summer dresses for under two dollars" that is a napkin that you made in a sweatshop

[adhd-sakura]

chronic pain diagnoses are all like yeah we don't know what this is or why it happens. we also don't know how to treat it. good luck out there soldier

[adhd-sakura]

ADHD is such nonsense sometimes. I was worried my PMDD had escalated and was continuing into my cycle and that I’d never know the warmth of sunshine on my skin or the fresh taste of strawberries.

And then I decluttered the bedroom and removed something I’d been meaning to tackle for weeks and ah, I see. I am not in actual fact on the brink of a nervous breakdown, I was just visually overstimulated and my ADHD was doing the nervous system equivalent of a chihuahua shaking itself to death out of sheer nervous existence. As though I don’t have actual Horrors to be overwhelmed by but no, the chair in the corner that had become a dumping ground for all my stuff was my mental limit.

[adhd-sakura]

The thing about ADHD is that the "lack of reward chemicals in your brain" doesn't just mean that you don't want to do any tasks that don't feel particularly yummy :(, it means that your brain will look at chores and tasks that need to be done like "doing this would be painful and tedious for absolutely nothing to gain from it, Do Not Do That." The same thing that your brain tells you about everything else that would feel really bad and hurt the entire time that you're dying. The part of your brain that stops you from doing the thing is the same part that keeps you from shoving your arm into a wood chipper.

With unmedicated, unmanaged ADHD, "I have to do this assignment or I fail and my life will be ruined and I die" feels like a SAW trap, every single time.

[adhd-sakura]

Okay you know what? Schizophrenia is way too demonized and, as someone who has had it for ten freaking years, I want to dispel some myths about hallucinations.

Aka talking about hallucinations using my own personal examples because I had an actual fucking THERAPIST tell me I was the ONLY person in the world who experienced hallucinations that were not solely visual or auditory. Warning for…hallucinations obviously.

Visual hallucinations - These are hallucinations you see. I usually experience these by way of inanimate objects moving (like dolls or mannequins moving on their own, before you ask yes I do hate clothing stores). Sometimes these can be scary and sometimes they’re mundane! I’ve hallucinated monsters and I’ve hallucinated pretty birds. Hallucinations don’t always have to be scary.

Auditory hallucinations - These are hallucinations you hear. I commonly hear crying, talking, music, and video game noises. If I play a video game for too long and it has a repetitive sound in it, I WILL be hearing that sound for minimum three hours. You think the sound that plays in LoZ when you’re low on hearts is annoying? Try having to listen to it on loop when you’re not even playing the game. Like with visual hallucinations, they’re not always scary! Contrary to popular belief, they can be totally mundane. Hearing voices is not always scary either. Sometimes they just say random stuff, sometimes they give me little pep talks, most of the time they just all talk over each other at once and I’m like GUYS ONE AT A TIME PLEASE jeezy cheez-it’s.

Tactile hallucinations - These are hallucinations you feel. I hear common tactile hallucinations are feelings of bugs on you and fur but I don’t usually have these, I mostly have tactile hallucinations of being choked which is…not fun.

Olfactory hallucinations - These are hallucinations you smell. Yeah I thought of farts first too. So far I haven’t heard of that being a common hallucination though. I hear a common olfactory hallucination is burning? But I just smell wet metal. I…don’t know why.

Gustatory hallucinations - These are hallucinations you taste. I don’t know how to pronounce gustatory either. I often taste blood or metal. I hear those are pretty common gustatory hallucinations.

None of these hallucinations are inherently scary! As a child, I thought hallucinations were a super power. After living with them for over ten years, they just don’t phase me that much. Remember: you don’t have to be schizophrenic to experience hallucinations! There are many things that cause hallucinations including and not limited to trauma, PTSD, psychotic depression, etc. (sometimes even stress!)

But please please please be kind to people who hallucinate. I’ve lived with it for over ten years and (rarely) it can still be terrifying to me sometimes. People say “But there’s nothing there and you know that-“ yes I know that! But it’s still very very real to me and very terrifying! Minimizing what people experience with their hallucinations is not helpful and will only make them feel worse.

Thank you for reading!

[adhd-sakura]

One of the stranger things about training brand new nurses is explaining how to min max small talk. It feels very weird to coach people on how to chat.

[adhd-sakura]

people make fun of people with ADHD for saying that everything is a symptom of ADHD. and that's fair. it's annoying. but please understand. having ADHD is an endless conga line of realizations that some shit you thought had nothing to do with your ADHD is actually a symptom of ADHD. so eventually you're just like "probably that too, yeah, fuck it" whenever basically anything happens

[adhd-sakura]

reading a paper on quality of life among 45-to-70-year-olds with Down syndrome:

“Individuals expressed a desire to be allowed to go to bed when they wanted to.”

[adhd-sakura]

i don't care if it's nazis, mormons, or a bunch of misguided autistic people. if anyone ever tries to tell you your soul is from another planet and you're actually part of the class of impressive people that secretly did everything cool in the world but is now extinct and lives on through your broken genome, you RUN. YOU WILL RUN AWAY. YOU WILL SPRINT FULL SPEED AWAY FROM THAT.

[adhd-sakura]

The three mental illnesses are

Terminal child syndrome lol sorry you'll be infantilized forever and never get any basic respect we have the right to not treat you like an adult and make life worse for you in the name of helping, or shun you completely :)

Just stop doing that you useless cunt go the fuck outside and stop being a burden to society get the fuck up and stop having this illness. Have this list of pop psychology bullshit and get your shit together. We can still romanticize your struggle if you're hot and manage it just well enough to not be a useless cunt

Irredeemable piece of shit disorder uh sorry but your vibe is off and you should go to jail for it I fucking hate you and you deserve nothing you vile piece of human garbage you need to be avoided at all costs everyone should cut you off immediately no one should have to put up with you you manipulative asshole

[adhd-sakura]

[adhd-sakura]

from a young age i knew i wanted to give up when things got hard

[adhd-sakura]

when the objectively bad person has traumatic and honestly reasonable reasons for why theyre like that but it doesnt excuse their actions and only serves to make them more tragic as a character

[adhd-sakura]

Shikamaru being like 'when Kakashi's REALLY thinking, instead of freezing up and getting intense, he relaxes and spins in his chair, no doubt because he's such a good shinobi' sir he's stimming. it's okay he's just spinning in his chair. let a man live.