aditudenal

[aditudenal]

well since i’m blogging like tumblr is a real blog and bringing it out of the retirement i have placed it in, here’s my Ins and Outs for 2025. i really like doing this instead of resolutions because it really helps me not just be all or nothing and give myself grace and room to grow

2025 Ins and Outs 🫶

Ins:

Self Love

Creating More

Taking Pictures and Videos of my wife and I

Hobbies

Whole Foods

Doing it afraid (We love you, Carrie Fisher 🥲)

Routines

Sunscreen

Water

Outs:

Doordash/Uber Eats/Food delivery apps

All or Nothing mindset

Friendships that don’t serve me

Negative self talk

Not fueling my body appropriately

Food waste

The big light

I really like making these fun and light-hearted goals but also things that I know will lead me to be happier and healthier. 💕

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It was that simple

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is 2025 the year i bring my tumblr out of a drought and post because who doesn’t love screaming into the void? maybe.. we’ll see

y’all i never should’ve looked up how to read my old tumblr posts because my 15 year old self sure was something. crazy how i never believed in astrology much when i was younger, but when you look at the pattern of sad and longing posts followed by one where i’m ranting and reading someone to filth and saying im going to get my life together; pisces sun, pisces moon, sagittarius rising just makes sense. also a bitch lovessss a comma, like really just loves to use some commas and still does and i’m not going to do anything different about it so here we are.

anyway, i wish my big feelings at 30 were the same as they were at 15. like, i wish my biggest problems were that my mom was pissed and this boy i liked was leading me in an endless circle of “i like you, oh wait.. no i don’t.” spoiler alert for BOTH of you: you’re both gay, so anyway.

i also wish i could go tell 15 year old me that it’s going to be okay. that there are words like autism and adhd and anxiety that are going to make sense of what you’re feeling. that right now you’re laying in bed next to the absolute love of your life who you get to marry and are coming up on 3 years of being married later this year. that life doesn’t end at 20 or 21 or 25 or 26 or 29 and being 30 is not the worst thing that’s ever happened to you. that being gay is okay and you are gay, and maybe if you accepted the way you felt about the girl from band camp and took a step back from your “faith” earlier you would be dealing with less complications and trauma from comp het. that there’s more genders than simply “boy” and “girl” and you’ve finally in recent years discovered that you are in fact, nonbinary and nothing has ever felt as comfy as they/them pronouns do.

it’s also so crazy to me that some things still apply to both of us; that i am still so close to that 15 year old me in so many ways. i still have the same nostalgia and sentimental nature. i still listen to some of the same music. i still sing when i think no one is listening and like to fantasize about what i’d post on a day in the life if i was a vlogger. i’m also still vegetarian mostly for the plot and spite of it all, despite most definitely being anemic and not eating enough protein (but we’re working on it.)

anyway, here i am to essentially scream at the wall and into the void and put my thoughts on the internet because like who even cares about their digital footprint anymore, right? happy 2025, y’all.

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i’m like “i don’t give a fuck” & then have an anxiety attack

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We can't ibuprofen our way outta this one boys

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*looking at a mirror* ugh it's you again

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it just sucks because it’s like damn, i really thought i was better but clearly i’m not. maybe i don’t know how to be a good person. it sucks that anyone has been caught in the crossfire of that. maybe i’m just that delusional or maybe all my trying was for nothing but all i can do is keep trying. or remove myself from the lives of those i’ve drug along with me. maybe both.

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there are a lot of people in this world who would have a better life if i had never been part of it

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my only two moods ever are tenderness and hysteria

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I don’t feel like I’m terribly important to anyone anymore. I just kinda exist in people’s lives.

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i have got to get hotter