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Why a pregnant women should choose a local agency - Jennifer Jaworski

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Stacie’s Adoption Story

I was 20 years old when I found out I was pregnant with my third child. All from different relationships. My life was way off track. I wasn’t handling my present dilemmas – I didn’t need to create more. When I found out again that I was pregnant, it was the point in my life where I knew changes had to be made. For my children and myself. They say you have to hit rock bottom to see up, and I was there. I knew in my heart I couldn’t have an abortion. My two boys were a great reminder of why I couldn’t choose to parent again. Adoption was my choice.

I called, and then went to an adoption agency. My body was full of nervousness, but my heart was full of truth. When I received a book of family profiles, I took it to my kitchen table and took a deep breath. It was kind of a strange feeling to be choosing parents for my baby. The very first profile I read, something just clicked. Of course I read all the others to make sure I covered my options, but I returned to the first. I then setup a meeting with them.

Nervousness, again, as I sat in the office waiting to meet the parents I chose. How should I act? What should I say? Or ask? My caseworker reminded me that they were just as nervous. When it was over, I knew they were the ones. Don’t get me wrong – millions of emotions ran through my body with every step I took, but the strongest was, “ I know what I’m doing is best for my baby and myself.”

January 16 my son was born. When I saw him I knew I had to hold him and love him now. I talked to him, telling him how much I loved him and why I was making these choices. (Obviously, this conversation was for me, because he could only stare at me with his big, dark blue eyes.)

The first real ache I felt was when the parents came in and I handed him to them. I could feel the lump in my throat, and my eyes swelled with tears. Then, as I looked at them holding him and loving him, I could see the joy and excitement in their eyes, and I was proud to have made a decision that would benefit everyone and bring such joy. They took him to the nursery to get the scoop on everything. I had my caseworker have him brought back to me one last time. This time I cried hard. I kissed and hugged him, but all the time I knew I couldn’t have made a better choice for my baby.

I receive letters and pictures, and I love and look forward to every one. I also look forward to a day of being reunited.

My name is Stacie, and I am 22 years old and just starting college. My life is finally where it should be.

Stacie Single mom of two boys Birth father not involved

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10 Things NOT to say to Adoptees

1.    Do you know your REAL parents?

My “real” parents are the ones raising me. The term you are looking for is: biological parent, bio parents, or birth mother/father.

2.    Why did your mom give you up?

Again- it’s birth mom, and she did not “give me up.” She placed me for adoption because she thought that was the best option for everyone involved. 

3. Why didn’t your birth mom want you?

Many birth mothers DO want their babies, but they decide that doing so would be detrimental to her life as well as the child’s. 

4.What if your mom had aborted YOU?

This is usually said to me before the person discovers I’m adopted AND ITS MY FAVORITE. My birth mother almost did abort me and she aborted a pregnancy before mine, and guess what, I still vehemently support her right to do so. My birth mother carried me as a GIFT to my parents and me. She was in no way obligated to do it and it wasn’t easy. Saying she shouldn’t have the right to abort is a slap in the face to her CHOICE. Because that’s what it was. A choice. NOT an obligation. 

So in short, don’t ask this unless you want to completely lose your argument.

5. God blessed your parents when he gave them you!

Well first he tormented them with years of infertility, 6 ectopic pregnancies, and some very dangerous miscarriages. Oh, and it was my birth mom that “blessed” them with a child. 

6. Where are you from?

This is not one I experience, but many trans-national and trans-racial adoptees HATE this one. It’s mostly annoying because you’re basically asking why they don’t “match” the physical appearance of their adoptive family, but there’s also the fact that they’re not really “from” another country. If they were adopted at a young age, they probably don’t remember living in their birth country.

7. How much did you cost?

Ummm, I was not sold. The phrase you are looking for is: “How much did the adoption process cost?” Adoptions are expensive, but you’re not paying for the child. You pay for lawyer fees, home studies, and agency fees, NOT the child. 

8. What was the orphanage like?

If you’re talking to a domestic adoptee, this just tells us you have absolutely no idea how adoption works. No, I was not dropped off at an orphanage. In America (and Canada),very very very few children ever stay in an orphanage. There are only a handful left and most are for special needs children. When a child is placed for adoption, they stay with foster parents or the couple that is planning to adopt them.

As for trans-national adoptees- if they actually did spend time in an orphanage, that may not be an experience they want to talk about with just anyone, so don’t be a dick.

9. WOW! You look like their real kid!

I am their real kid …

10. I don’t think I would feel like an adopted child was really “mine.”

If you feel this way, please just keep it to yourself. I respect your right to make a family in whatever way works for your, but this is not a discussion that I want to have. I feel strongly that family is made of the people that raise you and are there for you. If you try to tell me how “blood ties” are stronger, I will feel extremely awkward and probably a bit upset. Just please don’t …

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Antoinette - A Birth Mother’s story