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[advens-world]

Yes

All the yes.

[advens-world]

This (COMING) Year....

Didn't know it was all pretend Lifted you up, you were bringing me down But this year's gonna turn them tables around

So this year's gonna be about me Never will I have another reason to doubt me

-This Year, King Emily

-A friend sent me this song to listen to. And my goodness, it hit home. It hit every single fiber of my soul. If that's even a thing. And this year is going to unselfishly be about me. I am done putting other people first. I am done putting the way other people feel first. I am going to fucking look out for ME.

I am done worrying about texting too much, or blowing someone's phone up, as I have glanced at their snap score, and seen it's gone up, knowing full well they are talking to someone else. If you're sick of me, just say it. Quit fucking dragging me along.

I am done making time for people, over and over again. I am done making efforts to see people, over and over again. I am done doing those things only to feel like I am not good enough, or worthy enough, for them to want to see me or spend time with me. I am done settling for the scraps of time, and begging for the bare minimum, and being made to feel like I am a burden, or I am asking too much, when I only want want I give. I will never settle for sloppy seconds, literally, again. I will drag my crotch over hot asphalt before I ever fucking do that again.

I am done going back and forth, and questioning where I stand with someone, or even if I have any importance in their lives. I am done watching someone put everyone else over me. I am done asking the same questions.

I feel like I am going insane at this point. I don't even feel hurt anymore. I am angry, very angry.

This is my letter, my promise to myself, that no matter what, that kind of treatment is unacceptable. I would never treat someone that way, and I would tell a friend who is being treated that way to get the fuck outta there.

I am important.

I am worthy.

I am valuable.

I am a good person.

I will never accept or beg for the bare minimum again. I refuse. I will never let someone walk all over me, and stay, just in case they finally decide to see my worth. I will never wait around for someone, I will never be there over and over for someone, who in all reality, could care less if I dropped dead. I will never let someone see me at my most vulnerable, only for them to drop me and move on to someone else. I will never ever ever ever let myself be consoled by a few lines of decency followed by the gaslighting and mental abuse. EVER.

I am moving on, and I am going to focus on myself, and look out for myself from this point forward. Today is day one of this new life. Onward and upward.

[advens-world]

Things like these, are thing most of us should be doing, and doing them daily.

I've entered a new chapter in my life, maybe not entered, but slowly transformed. That's a better term, I suppose. I am at a point where I'm happy, but I'm not entirely happy, or as I like to say, all the happy. I just know there's more.

I started 75 Soft yesterday. I am on a quest for mental clarity, and feeling better physically. So here goes! Yesterday wasn't the hardest. I ate better. I worked out. I didn't drink nearly as much pop. It's all about building new habits.

As I sit here on this beautiful Sunday morning, enjoying my tea, and planning my week ahead, I am finding I am very much at peace. <3

[advens-world]

This hit me in such an intense way today.

Let’s say I’ve used the “strategy” a few times.

And it’s worked.