adviceforyoualways

[adviceforyoualways]

Have you ever had a hard time finding a new job? Like finding something that pays well but you'll enjoy...

I was laid off from my job right before the holidays. It was a sudden thing. My company decided to close it's doors. I been out of work for a month and I been lost on what to pick next.

To my understanding, the job market is really difficult these days so you are not alone in this. I know that ZipRecruiter, Indeed, and LinkedIn are good places to find new jobs. There are also websites to help you (with quizzes/tests) find what type of career you might be interested in. Best of luck!!

[adviceforyoualways]

this is actually the same person from the last post who urinated at work and I hope it’s alright to send two but I honestly had a little more I really needed to get out mainly about how I’m feeling that I couldn’t find the words for in the first one. The main thing I'm feeling still is really embarrassed and ashamed about it. As an adult, I feel like I should be able to control my body, and this incident made me feel like I failed somehow. I'm also worrying about how those around me at work are going to view me and if they will see me like a child or as someone who can’t maintain control. I am on the autism spectrum but I don’t reveal that to people, and I guess that might have something to do with all this as well. Everyone has been nice about it and I haven’t had any issues with anything afterward but I’m still worrying about that. Again, I really hope that it’s ok that I did two but I’m really struggling to shake off these feelings and I felt like I needed to say them. I don’t really know what feedback may be available for this situation but I really could use it and I really appreciate this in advance, this is something that hasn’t happened to me as an adult so I’m really kind of struggling.

I understand it must be a frustrating situation when we, as adults, don't feel autonomy over our bodies but I hope you can understand that even as adults, no matter the physical or mental capacities we have, can also have accidents. In terms of worrying what your coworkers may think - I think it is best to put on the face that you have moved on from it, that way they are forced to move on from it, too.

[adviceforyoualways]

this is hard for me to say and get out but I feel like saying it out loud may take away some of the sting. I had a difficult and humiliating incident yesterday, as I was in a situation where I accidentally urinated my pants at work. I work the front desk at a clinic and a scheduling lapse caused me to be by myself for an hour at a busy time, and the person that was supposed to join me ended up being late which caused me to by by myself nearly 2 hours. Complications from some past health issues earlier in the year on top of that led this to happen, and I am still very embarrassed by the whole thing. I apologize to everyone for sharing something like this but I felt like I needed a space to get it out in the open.

I'm glad you were able to find the space to share something in order to get it off of your chest, and i'm sorry to hear this happened to you.

[adviceforyoualways]

My ex-boyfriend and I were very much in love with each other for 5 years and ngl he was very devoted to me all the time. But I struggle with my mental health and have ROCD so I shared sometimes I have intrusive thoughts of him liking other girls in the future which wasn't smth he would have done and that's why ig he was extremely triggered and pissed off and he snapped at me and cut the call. Then I saw on the same day he put up a girl's name with hearts in his bio publicly which is weird and very OOC for him even if hes dating someone. It felt odd and I was pissed and dumped him for that. He kept saying it wasn't real which might be true because he doesn't remember he just mentioned the name to me only once when drunk that she was a friend's gf he had just met and they all hung out often and he said they are both great people and she assumed he was single and wanted to set him up with girls she knew. Then he told her about me and she understood. He did mention she's very friendly and fun and is a good person in general. And besides he didn't have any other female friends in his group and ik he could be petty and immature when triggered and knowing it would irritate me he did that and until then he never did anything like this before and did this on the same day we fought so I knew he was probably right and her name was the first name he could think of. He did insist many times its nothing real but I didn't let him explain. I was too exhausted and just wanted space from him and didn't contact him for months. After that he would still send me messages the same and insisted on waiting for me but I wasn't ready. So after 6 months of it he told our mutuals he's extremely jealous at the idea of me with someone new and he suspects I might be into someone as I didn't call him for months. A week later he suddenly starts posting extremely suggestive pictures of some girl who has her face hidden and kissing and hugging pictures of her publicly so my friends can see. The pictures seemed off like it seemed very odd and staged and artificial to everyone and he privately would keep seeing how he's in love with me. All the pictures were taken on the same day and there was some other guy in the room who took the couple pictures. It seemed suspicious and I was really hurt cuz I was in love with him too. And then I found out the girl was that same female friend who had broken up with his friend and was still in the group and he was close friends with her and she was basically the "wingman" friend of the guys in the group and it seemed very likely in the pictures they weren't actually kissing but trying to pretend they were it looked very fake and posed and also the fact that my ex looked extremely polite and had no expressions on his face which is unlike him and he even censored his eyes with huge excited stickers (very OOC) but you can see he was expressionless. And while he didnt tell me he heavily implied he made his close friend pretend to be his new gf esp as I had never seen her just because he was pissed at me and wanted to see if i felt something for him. I did reach out after that and he seemed amused that I was hurt and he was telling others he never cheated on me ever or move on he just did it to get me back. Later he himself told me he wishes to get me back and he has always loved me and I don't know what to do. Even if it wasn't real it was a horrible thing he did out of jealousy and to make me come back but I'm also still in love with him and idk if I should forgive him for this.

It sounds to me like both of you have done things that have hurt each other, whether intentionally or unintentionally, and that some space without talking OR looking at each other's social media would be good for you. You can make this known by communicating this to each other rather than cutting off communication cold turkey. That way, maybe you can agree on a certain amount of time until you talk again to see where things are at feelings-wise when you do decide to talk again.

[adviceforyoualways]

AND she said she couldn’t dump me in person bc if she saw my face she’d change her mind…. should i try getting her back? she didn’t even tell me why she wanted to break up lmfao

I'm sorry to hear that you were broken up with after a couple months of being in a relationship. Break ups can be really painful. I don't know the details of the relationship or the breakup really, but if you think it would be worth it, you could try to get her back. Maybe just communicate with her on why she wanted to break up with you in the first place, and then see if it would be worth trying to get back together.

[adviceforyoualways]

got dumped over text after 4 months should i pull a i hate to tell the truth but i’m sorry dude you didn’t tiktok (she did) or do I protect my peace

>>>

[adviceforyoualways]

when i was newly 19 i slept with a close friend who’s 25 and very much in a different life stage from me. i was blackout drunk (an entire red solo cup worth of tito’s) and she was completely sober. she warned me that i was getting too drunk, but i kept drinking. after i was done drinking, we hooked up and i remember very little of it. the next morning she profusely apologized and we agreed to just pretend it didn’t happen. a few months ago we had a falling out, and in the drama of it all, she claimed that i sexually assaulted HER because she “told me i needed to stop drinking.” we hadn’t discussed sex prior to the drinking, but i still feel guilty because if i wasn’t so drunk i would’ve been able to actively say no. i’m convinced i’m a rapist and it’s fucking with my brain

I understand that there is a lot of guilt going on for you, as if you were to think of it technically, sure, it can be viewed as sexual assault. However, not everything is black and white like that. It sounds like you don't remember much of it yourself so if anything the assault could've been accused either way. When there are strong feelings involved and/or substances involved, things can become more complicated in terms of sexual assault. It sounds like you have either explained the situation to her and/or yourself to realize that you weren't fully aware to be able to say no, and that you know to do differently next time, which are the most important things to learn here. There is nothing you can do to change the past at this point, but rather learn from the experience and move forward. You also have the power to decide who to tell this to (or not tell this to) as you please.

[adviceforyoualways]

I get so confused with one of my friends. Whenever they are having family drama or relationship drama it's supposed to be viewed as normal. But whenever I'm having family drama or trouble with my relationship it's because I must be doing something wrong. Or it's not as bad as theirs. Is there any way to like deal with this?

That's definitely an interesting and probably frustrating dynamic to have when trying to give and get advice from this friend. I think that I would preface a conversation with them by letting them know you appreciate getting support when you struggle with these things, and then let them know that you would like to receive feedback that looks like xyz rather than the feedback they are currently giving you. That way, you know what support you are getting in the future when these situations arise.

[adviceforyoualways]

Hope you are doing okay

Thank you :)

[adviceforyoualways]

Hello ☺️

I always compare myself to other people. When I was younger it was looks now it is success. And it is so bad for my mental health but I can’t stop it 😣

I understand this can be very detrimental, and saying this to you is much easier said than done, but it is important to regularly take inventory of the things we do that are helpful vs. harmful for our mental health. Like you said, comparing yourself to other people is bad for your mental health so making sure to catch yourself in the act of doing can be helpful to routinely stop yourself from doing it and eventually you will just remember to stop yourself from doing it before you even start, like muscle memory.

[adviceforyoualways]

Hello! ☺️ thank you for all your help!

I’m turning 30 next week. And this sounds beyond scary to me. I don’t want to turn 30 😥 I don’t want to be this old. I wish I would be a bit you get and could still have some time to figure my life out. And especially because I will probably be alone for most of the day. I took off work but my family lives further away & my friends live in Europe (i just moved) and my boyfriend now has soccer practice all day.

Everything just sounds horrible about this day.

I know it can sound scary to turn another _0 year older, but just think about it as you being healthy, successful, and being able to show everyone that you are here to display that! Even though you might not have a party or something big happening, you still have the day to do something special for yourself. That might mean taking yourself out to dinner, running a bath, going to a movie, it doesn't have to be something big, but something to celebrate that you are here and are able to show yourself some love on a day that you aren't anticipating being the happiest day to come.

[adviceforyoualways]

I have a hard time letting go. I have a hard time walking away from friendships or relationships that no longer serve me. I have a hard time walking away from people who continue to mistreat me whether it may be by saying heartless things or by judging me or by using me even if it's little things. I have a hard time letting go especially when certain relationships with people meant the world to me. Is there a way I can overcome this? I've been dealing with this since a young age and now I'm 28.

It can be understandable to have a hard time letting go of things that once were so meaningful to you, especially if/when the memories are so strong for you. I think it is important in these situations to remember: is this helping me or hurting me? Are these people making me happy NOW? It is helpful to try to surround yourself with people with whom you give and take positive energy from, not negative energy, so if there are friendships and relationships in your life that are now giving you negative energy, it might be time to let that go.

[adviceforyoualways]

So this is a bit TMI so feel free to ignore but I’m just very upset and needed some advice. I’m in a committed relationship and it’s been very stable and happy for both of us and we are usually good at communicating and working things out. My boyfriend shared something that happened to him recently. He and his friends went for some drinks and one of his female friends got very drunk and he told me before he finds her annoying but she’s part of the group so he tolerates her. So when she got drunk she started making moves on him (which she apparently has a habit of doing to a lot of people) to which he explicitly said no and that he has a girlfriend. But she started kissing him and he lightly pushed her off and kept verbally refusing her but didn’t actively throw her off as she wasn’t in her senses so she could get hurt. Then she started giving him a blowie and ig she eventually listened to his protests and stopped and left and apologized to us the next day. So I know that was SA and he decided not to press it although he seemed bothered by the whole thing too. And he told me the whole thing on call and he was still drunk and he was talking a lot and he mentioned he got physically turned on when she was doing that and touching him although he dislikes her. Having experienced mild SA before it bothered me a lot. And something else too. I haven’t gone that far with him yet so I really don’t know if it’s normal to have a physical reaction when that’s going on? Am I paranoid cuz I’m upset thinking he was attracted to her at that time or he was just going along with it even if he actively did nothing or is that a natural biological reaction for men because he never seemed to pay any attention to her before? I asked him he said it was shocking and distasteful but because he added that one detail at the time I’m not sure if I’m overthinking or I should just trust him.

I think you have a right to be upset over the situation. It is hard to interpret exactly what happened in the situation since it does sound like both your boyfriend and this girl were intoxicated and your boyfriend asked this girl multiple times to stop. As well, your boyfriend has mentioned that he isn't a huge fan of her as a whole so it doesn't sound like he was emotionally or physically interested in having her continue what she was doing when she was touching him, it may have just been a purely physical reaction when he got turned on by what she was doing. Especially since 1, nothing like this has happened with him before and 2, he told you about the situation at hand right away, I think he is still deemed as a fairly trustworthy person, but you know yourself and you know him better than I do, so trust your instincts.

[adviceforyoualways]

So I'm the anon with friend drama. I guess whenever my friend likes a girl he just doesn't know how to act with me. Since his birthday he's on like # 4. The others stood him up. Him and I ended up getting in a fight bc he was making me uncomfortable with his inappropriate comments and behavior. He pushed me away instead of talking. He finally started seeing a girl and ever since then he's treating me bad. He blows me off, is rude and so much more. I called him out on it. And he ended the friendship. It's been a few days. He didn't block me or anything. But it was so weird bc he started to curse me out and called me names. He never did that before. Would it be wrong if I block or remove him as a follower?

I'm sorry that he was so unkind to you, but i'm glad that he ended the friendship since he definitely wasn't treating you right. I don't think it would be wrong for you to block or remove him, since that would just be putting some space between you two in order for you to heal from the ending of the friendship.

[adviceforyoualways]

So I decided to get my friend some gifts for his birthday. I couldn't go over the top because I'm just short on funds. He was very grateful at first. His other friend bought him some stuff as well. He seems grateful at first. Some random girl he's been talking to online ordered him food and she's from another state. It was as if she gifted him millions of dollars. He was so grateful and was like can't any of you guys do stuff for me. It really tore me because some random girl ordered him a pizza and I literally went out of my way to find all these different gifts for him and really put the love into it and he thinks I should have done better. He's my best friend but this is the first time that he has acted like this. Now he just stopped talking to everyone because this girl is supposed to show up tomorrow for a week to be with him. I'm trying to be as supportive as I can but him acting the way he did for his birthday has me overthinking a lot and has me second guessing. I don't know if maybe we just need some time apart for him to figure out things but it really got to me. I don't know if it's worth putting up with

I think that sometimes when someone is distracted with strong feelings for someone, everything that someone does outweighs what anyone else in their life will do for them, if that makes sense. It also could be that you two need some time apart from each other in order for him to figure out things, but I also think it is worth you letting him know that what he did was hurtful. In that case, whether you take some time apart or not, he'll know what he did wrong to make the friendship rocky.

[adviceforyoualways]

I have this one friend who I enjoy talking to. Sometimes we rely on each other to talk everyday. But sometimes I need my alone time. And they don't really understand why. Some days I have nothing to talk about and other days I have a lot. But they rely on me so much that they messaged me right when they wake up at 4 all the way till midnight. And sometimes it can be exhausting especially when they talk about the same issues they are dealing with and they don't do anything about it to solve them. I don't mind being a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on but sometimes it gets to me. If I don't respond back they will start to assume I'm mad at them or that something's wrong so they'll blow up my phone non stop. I really enjoy this friend we have a lot in common and have a lot of fun but sometimes there's no boundaries and it can get a little frustrating at least on my side. On top of that this friend is in love with me but I am currently seeing someone else. And I also don't have any interest in them and they know that . Any advice would be very appreciated

I think it is completely valid that you don't have all day to be able to answer them, and that you would like to set some boundaries with them. I think some things you mentioned to me, you could mention to them. For example, you can tell them you don't mind being a listening ear or a should to cry on but sometimes you need your space. You can also let them know that you feel concerned because you know they are struggling with issues but you don't feel like they are working on solving them. You can ask to set boundaries by asking them not to text you multiple times if you don't respond the first time; because not responding the first time doesn't mean you don't care, it just means you're busy.

[adviceforyoualways]

Hello!

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years and I feel like things changed since the beginning. Which I guess is completely normal. But for example right now I’m traveling for 2 weeks on my own and I don’t even miss him. Is that normal?

Or he used to message me whenever het got home from partying telling me that he loves me but he also doesn’t do that anymore.

Or when I’m gone on vacation or traveling he also used to wish me good night or tell me that he misses me. But he also doesn’t do that anymore.

Do you think that is normal? I’m scared..

I'm not sure if this is "normal" or not because things vary so much in relationships. You two have been dating for almost four years so you two probably know each other very well and are in contact very often. However, this could also be a sign that you two are growing apart. The fact that you reached out to contact me and the fact that you are scared sounds to me like these signs are out of the ordinary. Perhaps you can bring these things up to him and let him know that to you, it feels like you two are growing apart and you're worried.