aerospectrum

[aerospectrum]

ooc update

howdy to anyone around that sees this. I’m gonna try to get around to picking up threads again after dropping off the map for way long, if you wanna continue things feel free to shoot a message or leave a note on this post and if not that’s chill!

[aerospectrum]

semi-plotted starter for @bleakfated

the woods were quiet, endless even and jamie can’t resist letting himself get lost within them. he’s been on his own for a few years by then and the idea of being part of normal day to day life feels a bit suffocating at times— which is mostly something he never expected to think or feel. hence his trek out into the woods.

he splashed through the creek and took a few detours along the way before finally heading back up the big hill of trees for the hidden cabin he found months earlier. he wants to look around, maybe collect a few trinkets if there’s anything in there; unless it’s been picked over by other wood walkers. he’s kept himself isolated for the most part; one the guy at the gas station a town or two over started recognizing him and calling him by name jamie had gotten too anxious to stick around and ditched.

running from his past wasn’t easy, but so far it had proved worth it. he was finally to just.. be. there wasn’t an endless string of insults constantly ladled his way, nobody needed him to sign anything or fix anything. nobody knew him— or his secrets and he wanted to keep it that way.

he takes a long swig of his canteen water before looping it back around his pack strap and gives one more gung-ho hurrah through the trees that he knew would spit him out just beside the creek that he’d initially come across the first time he found the cabin. the ground was a little slippery and one misstep sent him slipping onto his back and sliding down into a small little crevice overtaken by the root system of an old tree that fell and cracked in half during a storm at some point years ago. but he can see the cabin fully and an excited burst of energy swelled in his chest.

it’s only when jamie starts climbing his way back up from the wet mess that his hand grasps something entirely unearthly… a shoe, he’s pretty sure. looking up the length of the shoe, then shin to knee to thigh and finally the face above him with a half sheepish stare jamie pulls his hand back. “the people in town told me woodland elves lived out here; I just didn’t think you guys were full size… I expected you know… small fairy looking creatures.” he jokes tensely, jamie never knew how to handle awkward or scary situations and coming face to face with the scowling face in the dead of the woods wasn’t exactly uplifting and heartwarming.

[aerospectrum]

his eyes stayed locked on hers till he picked up on her amusement and a sudden swell of defensiveness had him wrapping the blanket around himself tighter and trying to convince his body to return back to its natural state of being rather than the shade of fire hydrant red it remained. his embarrassment ate him up on full display. almost to the point he didn’t seem to notice how absolutely calm she was or how him being completely exposed didn’t faze her in the least. he glanced to the window to observe the white out beyond them and loosened his death drip on the blanket just barely. “oh… i, i, well, i…” her smooth confidence had him tripping over the simplest sentences. “i’d give it back, i wouldn’t steal it.” jamie insisted; feeling childish for even saying it, as if wandering naked in a blizzard was much better, far more intelligent.

he swallowed down his nerves but they lodged their way in his throat regardless. his dream was still painfully fresh in his mind and the tender ache became a warm sting at the corners of his eyes not long after, but he blinked it away and swallowed down another breath. her home was warm, but more than that it felt safe; it felt nostalgic in a way that made him yearn for the comforting embrace of a family he no longer belonged to- or rather, never did. jamie attempted to meet the comfort of leah’s warm brown eyes, instead he drowned in the same shame that prevented him from looking his sister in the cold, beady, and calculating daggers she called eyes. he remembered sitting down in the trees and the snow drifting over him.. there hadn’t been a cabin for miles and no matter how this woman found him or even dragged him back- he couldn’t stay. he couldn’t put her in harms way. “oh.” he repeated, smacking his palm to his forehead. he was a lawyer- not just that, attorney general- and the best he could muster was “oh”? how fucking embarrassing. “are you going to call them now? and tell them…” he didn’t want to give himself up so easily, maybe she didn’t know who he was, in fact maybe he could pass himself off as some local idiot who got lost hiking. his tone slipped into a borderline feisty and sarcastic one. “there’s some naked guy you found out in the trees and he stole your blanket and you want it back?—the blanket, not the guy.” he didn’t mean it as a joke even if it came across as humorous.

his shoulders rose and fell harder and faster. he felt the swirling pang of grief rise to the surface again; the weight of knowing his father was dead- killed and everyone believed it was him. his eyes blurred without his permission and he knew if he blinked tears would fall so he tried to stay completely still. but he shook his head vehemently and a few splashed down over his cheeks. “thanks but…” his voice cracked with emotion and he swallowed again. “i can’t stay here, i’m… i just can’t stay here. i can put my clothes on and go if you tell me where your dryer is. i won’t take long, it’s not a good thing if i stay here i’m really sorry, i’m… you’re going to wind up in monumental fucking shit if I stay here and… and i can’t tell you why because.” jamie looked down at his cold feet and shrugged; conflicted by how much he just wanted to split open like some deep sea chasm and tell her everything terrible rotten thing buried in his soul. “because it’ll just get you in trouble if you knew who i was or why i’m out here.” he couldn’t brush the stray tears away or it would give away that it wasn’t sweat from the fire- fuck. he almost wished she would be mean to him, threaten him, it would make it so much easier to run that way, he shivered slightly feeling the cold even under his arms, between his legs and knees, even between the spaces of his fingers and toes. “i know how to check for frostbite, you don’t have to.” a hint of stubborn peeked at her. “i think i’ll just get dressed and go.”

she didn't see any signs of frostbite when she stripped him, but she knows that it can take some time to set in. maybe she's being overly cautious, but it's been a long time since such matters would ever have to be a concern to her. his fingers were barely red by the time that she got him back to her place, so she's hoping that's a good sign. while she waits for him to wake up from whatever cold-induced and by the looks of the bags under his eyes, exhaustion-induced, slumber he's in; she considers taking another peek to see if she missed anything. but she thinks better of it to respect his privacy. not everyone is as unbothered by nudity like those forced into wolf pack life had become.

that much is evidenced by his reaction when he did wake up. she can't really blame him for any of it. it had to be rather disorienting to fall asleep in the snow like that and wake up in a cabin, under a mountain of blankets by a fireplace. a teasing glint in her dark brown eyes gives her amusement away, though, as she watches him turn redder than the brick trim of her fireplace before covering his modesty with one of her blankets. she can tell his eyes didn't catch the pile of clothes on her coffee table. albeit they aren't his. still, she's happy to watch him flounder for another minute or two. ❝ the snow's still coming down out there. so i wouldn't recommend leaving with only a blanket skirt on your person. plus -- it would be kind of rude to steal my blanket. ❞    

she's not sure what his words he said as he woke up meant. but his behavior is more akin to a cornered animal than the vengeful murderer the accusations paint him to be in the media. she feels for him. losing her dad is still the hardest thing she's ever gone through and she doubts that it could ever be topped. all that to say that she's not really concerned about him being in her home for a bit longer... though she's wondering how liable she is for harboring a fugitive, now that she has since identified him. leah's not sure if she should keep the card to her chest that she knows who he is -- though she's not sure how someone that had turned the news on or scrolled through any social media on their phone in the last few weeks wouldn't recognize him, even with the growing beard and wild hair. those blue eyes are piercing in a way she almost can't look away from. ❝ you've been out for a few hours. if i were going to call the police i would have done it before you had the chance to run. ❞    

❝ your clothes are still drying, but i have some of my brothers. you should be plenty warm now to take a shower without the pins and needles feeling. if you'd like i can check again to see if you're showing any signs of frostbite. ❞  she's hoping that she'll slowly get him to agree to stay a little bit longer. gain some of his trust. she's spent her entire adulthood trying to help people and he seems like he needs help. for whatever reason, she trusts that he's an innocent man on the run without him even opening his mouth to convince her of it.

[aerospectrum]

jamie didn’t seem willing to stir enough to get a shot at knowing what was happening or where he was being taken. the freezing weather kept his head foggy and his limbs aching and numb, but the sudden heat of the body carrying him slowly lifted his internal temperature enough that he shivered for a few minutes then seemingly relaxed into even deeper sleep than his hypothermic nap had been.

he was vaguely aware of his soaked to the bone clothes being shucked from his body and his head lolled from side to side every few seconds trying to make himself wake up or open his eyes to get a look around and make sure beth hadn’t drugged him and brought him back to torture him to death for their dad… for john; instead he was trapped in a strange terrible dream where he wasn’t sure what was reality and what was imagined. every few minutes he’d drift into a deeper unconscious state with the same terrifying dream on a loop. a call that his father had died. and he’d never get a chance to reconcile- he’d never belong to a family again. alone. broken. evil. his fault.

a few hours passed and he lurched upwards with a shout; a simple “dad, please! no, don’t!” but the tone was buried in heavy grief and the skin around his eyelashes held a damp salty burn. the first thing he picked up on was the warmth around him; almost too warm. next was the smell of the fire and how it unleashed a steady wave of grief in his lungs- reminding him of his childhood home. then the panic that he’d been found, fuck! blue eyes trapped in a web of bloodshot exhaustion flickered open and he inhaled a deep, shuddering breath that only spiked the anxious fear blooming all over his body. like a child fighting the grip of being tucked into bed safely, jamie unceremoniously flailed himself onto the warm wood floor and fought all the blankets off himself then promptly stood in his idiocy on full display: chapped lips, messy hair standing up in different positions from how it’d dried, and no clue where he was.

it only dawned on jamie that he was naked when he was standing there with the blankets piled at his feet. he didn’t need to look down, but he still did and the heat from the fire didn’t feel nearly as uncomfortable as the heat that fanned from his cheeks all the way down his neck and shoulders, painting him a shade of cherry red that gave away his embarrassment. he snatched one of the blankets up and held it at his waist for a sliver of decency and looked around before finally setting intense eyes on the woman. “i…” he didn’t know what to say and the nervous embarrassment was still flooding every surface of his skin. “i’m leaving” blue eyes shifted back and forth then locked back on her. “whatever… happened here i'm sorry about-- or i hope i am anyway, fuck… i’m leaving i have to go- right now- please don’t call the cops.” that last part came out sounding so much more desperate and weak than he meant for it to which only brought another vibrant blush to his features.

she's not accustomed to finding random men nearly dead in the snow on her way back to her cabin. to be honest, she hadn't been expecting to sense any humans this far out with the weather. luckily for him, curiosity had gotten her to follow the mostly covered tracks leading away from civilization. his scent drew her closer and the slowed heartbeat had her phasing back to her human form to check on him. her voice and shakes of his ice-patched shoulder that grew less gentle seemed to do nothing in rousing him apart from small protesting groans.

decidedly, she's worried about him freezing to death. at least they aren't too far from her cabin. she hoists him into her arms with ease. unconscious, he won't be able to hold on to her fur in wolf form and it would be quite the disturbing experience if he happened to wake up on top of a barreling wolf nearly the size of a horse running through the trees. without further thought, she starts the trek back to her cabin.

by the time they get back, the ice and snow has melted from his clothes due to her body heat. they're both soaked. getting inside proved to be a little difficult and she's made a note to get a more functional chair for the back porch. as if finding random unconscious men in the snow would become a commonplace and her swing chair would become a serious hinderance. it isn't until she's gently laying him on the couch and pushing it closer to the fireplace that she realizes how this may seem a bit kidnappy when he wakes up. she considers calling the police until she gets a good look at his face and recognizes him immediately as the missing attorney general from montana. he'd been all over the national news, but especially in montana when she'd been passing through a few weeks ago. there were a lot of heinous accusations surrounding his disappearance with the dead montana governor, his father, at the center of them. she's having a hard time believing that someone hiding out to the point of passing out in a blizzard is also the same person that hired a professional hit for his own father.

knowing the best thing for him is to warm him up slowly, she peels off his soaked clothing and puts them in her washer and the worn down shoes on her boot dryer. she covers him in a few large blankets before starting a fire and leaving the room to change her own clothes and check for some of seth's left behind for when he woke up. all the while, her ears are peeled to make sure his breathing and heartrate remain steady. setting the clothes on the coffee table, she settles in to a chair with a book, waiting for her guest to wake up.

[aerospectrum]

semi-plotted starter for @sherunsfaster:

it’d been almost three weeks since jamie had been “missing.” the news reports had him rolling his eyes the first few days but then it made it to national news and he couldn’t help but panic at the idea of being found. he completely disappeared off the radar for a reason and he was more than content to keep it that way. jamie knew if he could get far enough away from beth things could have a chance to simmer; he could find a way to contact kayce and try to mend that bond, but for now it had to be this way. he had to become a missing persons case.

being the attorney general wasn’t exactly making that easy; everyone seemed to be doing just fine recognizing him so he took measures further with each passing day. he let the scruff on his face grow a bit, kept his hair unkempt; changed his clothing entirely even down to a pair of old weather worn work shoes. he didn’t want to be found, not really.

jamie underestimated his ability to traverse the freezing terrain he’d found himself in near washington state though. he hadn’t planned for a snow storm to come sweeping through and eradicate the path he’d been on. getting lost wasn’t exactly on his list of things to do… he didn’t know where to go other than to seek shelter amongst the trees and wait the snow out, hoping for the best. even if he knew better having grown up in fridgid weather the cold still got to him first, and once he stopped shivering he knew he was in trouble- or he close to it. there was a moment where jamie trying to puff warm air into his hands, was sure he was fine, then he stumbled to his knees in the quick drifting snow and found himself wracked by exhaustion. he’d only meant to sit against the tree for a few minutes and catch his breath and get his bearings. maybe even consider calling for help. sure it would ruin his whole disappearance plan, but minutes turned to half an hour and he began to doze. fighting against the weight of his heavy eyelids, the rest coupled with his quick, shallow breathing felt nice and without warning the blizzard lulled jamie into a deep slumber and the snow continued to blanket over him keeping him nestled inside an icy grave.

[aerospectrum]

“Yeah well… looks like Rip fits the bill better than I ever will.” His eyes followed the turn of the truck into the mostly empty motel lot. “I told him what to do… when the cattle were on the reservation.” Jamie looked over. “Lee didn’t have to die, if dad would’ve listened to me, Lee would still be here and I never would’ve had to find out I’m not really your brother.” He pushed an exhale out and climbed out of the truck.

“Beth will never answer to her bullshit, she’s incapable of self reflection.” Jamie's guilt spill over at the money and Kayce still considering him a brother. His eyes fogged up and stung along the corners and he looked away to hide his panic and grief that swirled into one. “I’m sorry, Kayce. I’m sorry I haven’t always been a good brother to you and that I made dad harder on you because of that.” He agreed to lay low and wait for him to return.

"Ever considered that dad was such a dixk to you because he was trying to replace the son he lost?" Kayce says randomly in thought as he pulls up to a motel at the outskirts of town. "I don't know if you ever noticed it but he's been trying like hell to mold you and Rip into what he couldn't accomplish with his first born son."

"As much as you don't want to walk away from things, it's probably best. It's gonna go downhill from here. I'd rather be hated and alive. Than dead and buried somewhere. I know it hasn't always seemed like it but I'm on your side. Dad and Beth are gonna have to answer to all the horrible shit they've done. I still consider you my brother, blood or not Jamie. I want to protect you man. Here, this is all the cash I have on me right now. I'm gonna go full the rest of your funds available before they lock you out. I'll be back in an hour. Do me a favor and you know lay low for a bit."

[aerospectrum]

Jamie watched the roads blur as Kayce speeds down them and slowly he turns to his brother, his blue eyes piercing the angry tension once he speaks. “Yeah, Kayce, the golden opportunity to leave and have no family for a second time; that sure is the dream.” He shakes his head and then turns to stare out the window again. “You think I want this?! You think I wanna know that I don’t belong, that I’m not blood- that there’s nobody that wants anything to do with me anymore. You think I come for the verbal third degree and stay just hoping for the physical?!” He exclaims, his cheeks burn a bright red and he blinks back foggy emotions that make him look and sound weak.

“Where the fuck am I supposed to go that they won’t find me?” His voice cracks and wavers. “I spent my entire life doing everything for a guy who never wanted me to have his last name and now it’s the one thing I’m constantly reminded of— that I’m his greatest disappointment. What was the point in taking me if you never even wanted me you fucking piece of shit?!” Jamie screams angrily; knowing John isn’t there but he can’t help the emotions and words that spill out. “That’s not even the worst part, Kayce-.” He looks over at him. “he sent me to run for this office knowing they’d want a birth certificate; he wanted me to find out because he wanted it to hurt, he wanted to hurt me because I bruised his ego! Everything about me is a fucking lie!” He pressed his hands over his eyes and exhaled warm air. “You can’t outrun a lie, Kayce— you just can’t.”

He sits quietly for another moment. “It’s my fault, Kayce.” He speaks again. Keeping his damp blue eyes to the window. “It was my father behind the hit on everyone… it was my father and I didn’t.. know. I didn’t tell anyone when I found out because… because I don’t know why. Because it’s my fault and I was scared and I tried to kill him once after I found out; before Beth knew, but I couldn’t… he said I mattered and.. I let him live.” He admits. “And now he’s dead too and I did kill him because if I didn’t… Beth… would tell everyone it was me and then have me killed too.” He blinks and inhales deep. “You should fucking skip the motel; just take me where we’ve taken everyone else and do what they’re all waiting for anyway.”

Kayce has a dead look in his eyes but his grip on Jamie is firm as he drags him towards his truck. "Get your ass in and shut the fuck up." Kayce says tossing him into the passengers seat and slamming the door. He walks around and climbs in the drivers side giving Rip a look before he drives off. He rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

"Sometimes I don't know why you stay here and put up with that bullshit man. I really dont. You have the golden opportunity to run fast and run far and never look back at that damn ranch ever again." Kayce says. "I never hated you by the way. I just didn't want to associate with the disloyalty to dad. He's way harder on me than any of them. I don't care for Rip either. Beth, I tolerate her because she's my only sister. But it's fucked up how they remind you eve et chance they get that you aren't blood. That's fucked up." Kayce speaks as he drives down the dirt road.

"I'm gonna drop you off in town at a motel. You get some rest, take off this get up and dress how you want to dress. This is your opportunity to get away from dad and Beth. I'm giving you a day window before all your shit is cut off. I'm the one who's gonna have to do it. I'll slide you some cash and you go wherever man. Get away from this hell hole."

Kayce was always obedient to his dad but after nearly losing Tate, he was looking at life in a different way. "Blood don't mean shit brother, you ain't about this life. Get out. I will help you because I can't watch them do that shit to you. I can't. I mean that Jamie." Kayce looks over at him for the first time with the raw emotion showing behind his eyes. "Please promise me you will get away and not come back here. Start over somewhere."

[aerospectrum]

There's a moment of panic that flashes through Jamie's eyes, but he stands his ground... it's what John's always taught him to do anyway... always stand his ground no matter what. Guess he just meant that when it wasn't him being the targeted ground. Typical John... disowning his kids any chance he gets.

"Wish I could say the same for you." Jamie narrows his eyes with a squint at Beth, but slowly slides his gaze back to Rip. Whatever had gotten into Jamie, it got in deep, because he didn't back down against him either. "Yeah I bet you will... You've always been eager to kill for him- guess that's why you fit this family better than I ever will." Jamie shoots off at him before Kayce's dragging him back to the truck.

"Get off me-." Jamie shoves Kayce's hands from his shirt. "You're not the boss of me, you're not even older than me. I'm not going anywhere with you." he shoves past him to head down the road, anger keeps him tense

John falls back into Rip and Kayce with a bewildered look on his face. It almost seemed like the hit might have knocked some sense into him. "Get him the fuck outta my face. Cut off his credit cards all of his accounts. He has no more access period!" John yells at his other children. "Kayce get him the fuck outta here now. Before I shoot his ass." John rubs at his jaw and stares down Jamie.

Beth has a smirk on her face. She couldn't believe he had the balls to actually swing at John and hit him. "You just dug your own grave dumbass. Nice knowing you." She adds.

"You ever put your hands on him again and I'll fucking kill you my goddamn self. And you know I don't give two shits." Rip narrows his eyes at Jamie as Kayce drags Jamie away towards his black Dutton Ranch truck. "Get your ass in the truck." Kayce says firmly.

[aerospectrum]

“Hmm, maybe I’ll carry around a purse to spritz myself.” Dean teased her lightly. He deflated at the mention of the date again; the rain cloud materializing again. He’d never been in this deep over anyone; the guilt he felt at breaking his promise was once again crushing him. She claimed she wasn’t that weak and he wanted to tease her again, instead he laid there like a bump on a log.

“Hey-.” Madison’s sudden strength to manhandle him was a surprise for Dean, but he rolled onto his back regardless. “I won’t regret you.” Dean delivered the words with the utmost respect he could, knowing the implications both spoken and unspoken. He kept his hands at her hips with his fingers pressed lightly to her skin covered by the flannel. “I don’t want you to regret … what you say either.” He breathed out quietly, “I just….” He exhaled and looked away from her eyes for a moment. “I just want you to be here, with me, we don’t have to do anything. Just laying here, holding you- that’s enough for me.” He echoed a bit, remembering she had explicitly stated she wanted to take things slow.

She almost wanted to slap her hands over her ears to drown out deans strong handsome voice. She dabbed the corners of her eyes trying to hide the tears that pooled. “It’s okay!” She said trying to make her voice cheery. “Seriously, it’s okay. Really.” But it was lies.

Dean turned her to face him & her soft face now clean of makeup, lips sparkly from the gloss, was bright pink. Eyes welled w/ sad tears. She sniffled trying to avoid his gaze until the forbidden name was spoken. She stepped back at the name. “Zach?” The word tasted like absolute shit in her mouth. “What about him?”

She peaked around deans body to look at cas. This time getting a decent look at him. And he looked rough. Rough, beaten, bloodied & a mess. “Oh my god.” She whispered pushed past Dean hurrying to Cas’ side. “What happened???” She gently touched the man’s hair. “Oh my god… did… did Zach do this??” She looked over at Dean.

“I have to get out of here.” She stood up quickly. “I have to go, he’s going to find me. And he’s going to kill me. I have to go.” She brought her phone up to her face fingers quickly working to order an uber. “If he did this, then he’s coming for me. And… you. I don’t want you getting hurt for my mistakes.” She backed away, fuck her dress & the heels. “It’s okay, I’ll bring your flannel back later. I can’t stay here, he’s going to find me.”

[aerospectrum]

“You don’t stink!” Dean laughed a genuine laugh that seemed to break through the rain clouds bogging him down. “You smell like peaches, strawberries, maybe some orange or.. maybe it’s apples and a shit ton of sugar- how’d you even manage to stay on two feet after drinking what Benny gave you?” Dean rolled onto his stomach which brought half his arm and chest over half her chest and arm, half squishing her before he breathed in deep against her wet, sugary laced hair. “You don’t smell bad…” he turned his face so that his nose was against her cheek.

“I don’t want you to get out of the bed and go shower… I want you to stay here, just.. I don’t know…” what he wanted was for her to put her arms around him and squeeze him so tight and close that all the weird little cracking pieces of himself magically stuck together again. Dean didn’t know how to ask for what he wanted; though he tried to hide it with smooth comments and machismo sometimes, but after the last day… he couldn’t hold that mask up for the time being. “I do wanna touch you…” he scooted back a little so he wasn’t right on top of her. Half his face hidden by the pillow it was on, only one green eye peering softly at her, sad and desperate for the slightest hint of affection and attention- touch starved even. “You could touch me too… if you wanted.”

She almost wanted to slap her hands over her ears to drown out deans strong handsome voice. She dabbed the corners of her eyes trying to hide the tears that pooled. “It’s okay!” She said trying to make her voice cheery. “Seriously, it’s okay. Really.” But it was lies.

Dean turned her to face him & her soft face now clean of makeup, lips sparkly from the gloss, was bright pink. Eyes welled w/ sad tears. She sniffled trying to avoid his gaze until the forbidden name was spoken. She stepped back at the name. “Zach?” The word tasted like absolute shit in her mouth. “What about him?”

She peaked around deans body to look at cas. This time getting a decent look at him. And he looked rough. Rough, beaten, bloodied & a mess. “Oh my god.” She whispered pushed past Dean hurrying to Cas’ side. “What happened???” She gently touched the man’s hair. “Oh my god… did… did Zach do this??” She looked over at Dean.

“I have to get out of here.” She stood up quickly. “I have to go, he’s going to find me. And he’s going to kill me. I have to go.” She brought her phone up to her face fingers quickly working to order an uber. “If he did this, then he’s coming for me. And… you. I don’t want you getting hurt for my mistakes.” She backed away, fuck her dress & the heels. “It’s okay, I’ll bring your flannel back later. I can’t stay here, he’s going to find me.”

[aerospectrum]

Dean checked on Cas again- just to make sure he was breathing and Benny hadn’t really fucked him up giving him more meds than he needed; even if it had been an accident. Then he grabbed two glasses of water and a few fizzy tablets and made his way back to his room; fully expecting to find her out cold. When he heard Madison’s voice though he paused and set the glasses down on the dresser. “You alright?” He asked, quiet when she told her she was cold. Before he had a chance to offer her an extra blanket she was asking to cuddle and he felt his insides shiver a bit. He felt conflicted… overwhelmed exhausted and out of anything good to offer her- what if she thought he wasn’t interested, what if she thought he was hung up on Cas because he wasn’t fully present for her? Fuck. The surprise emotions were back.

Dean cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “Yeah, yeah just uh, just a second let me get these clothes off and get some clean ones on first.” He threw his shirt off and slid his jeans down; half distracted and entirely distraught as he tried to get fresh pants on and snag an extra blanket, just in case. He rubbed his hands up and down over his face a few quick times to rub any sort of lingering traces of emotion off then shook his head slightly and climbed into the bed. “Sorry… I didn’t want everything from yesterday just… soakin into the sheets.”

He exhaled softly, scooting up close beside her his slightly red eyes glaced at the tv; the sitcom was calm, nothing that needed a lot of brain power to watch or enjoy. “I brought you some fizzy tablets for the hangover.. no offense but you still smell like Benny’s special… your hair does anyway.” He teased lightly although his voice cracked a bit from exhaustion; struggling to hide the influx of emotion racing in his veins. “You sure you don’t want this blanket instead of me?” He asked, purposely taunting her a bit just for a reaction, just because he wanted to scoot himself up against her and have her arms squeeze around him instead; but maybe that wasn’t fair to her.

She almost wanted to slap her hands over her ears to drown out deans strong handsome voice. She dabbed the corners of her eyes trying to hide the tears that pooled. “It’s okay!” She said trying to make her voice cheery. “Seriously, it’s okay. Really.” But it was lies.

Dean turned her to face him & her soft face now clean of makeup, lips sparkly from the gloss, was bright pink. Eyes welled w/ sad tears. She sniffled trying to avoid his gaze until the forbidden name was spoken. She stepped back at the name. “Zach?” The word tasted like absolute shit in her mouth. “What about him?”

She peaked around deans body to look at cas. This time getting a decent look at him. And he looked rough. Rough, beaten, bloodied & a mess. “Oh my god.” She whispered pushed past Dean hurrying to Cas’ side. “What happened???” She gently touched the man’s hair. “Oh my god… did… did Zach do this??” She looked over at Dean.

“I have to get out of here.” She stood up quickly. “I have to go, he’s going to find me. And he’s going to kill me. I have to go.” She brought her phone up to her face fingers quickly working to order an uber. “If he did this, then he’s coming for me. And… you. I don’t want you getting hurt for my mistakes.” She backed away, fuck her dress & the heels. “It’s okay, I’ll bring your flannel back later. I can’t stay here, he’s going to find me.”

[aerospectrum]

“Oh what, like you weren’t thinking it too?!” Dean asked her with a tired and stressed laugh, sighing softly. “Yeah well, my guess is he didn’t either.”

When Madison seemed willing to give him yet another chance he let his shoulders relax from the strain of trying to hold it altogether for her. “Yeah well… neither do I, so I guess we’re both 3 for 3.” He cocked a brow at her as if to egg her on and challenge her to deny the rendezvous of men she’d enthroned herself with at the bar.

“I’ll bring you something to snack on in a few minutes and some coffee if you want.” He watched Madison turn to disappear back to his room; truthfully he wanted to follow after, but his head was pounding and his heart still felt like it was racing a mile a minute- maybe more. He flopped down in the armchair beside the couch and glanced over at Cas still clonked out under his blankets. “You gotta stop cockblockin’ me, you know that?” He teased, knowing Cas wasn’t going to respond.

he propped an arm up on the armrest and cupped his face with his hand, staring at the blank tv and zoning out… replaying everything in his head till his eyes started to water a bit. He hated heavy emotions; the feeling of them, the uncertainty of them- the surprise arrival of them. It felt like he’d almost lost them both at the same time and it left him reeling, it left him feeling overwhelmed. But he couldn’t tell Madison that or she’d blame herself all over again. A slight bruise no bigger than a knuckle from her slap ghosted against the cheekbone under his right cheek and he tapped it gently with the pad of his pinky finger.

She almost wanted to slap her hands over her ears to drown out deans strong handsome voice. She dabbed the corners of her eyes trying to hide the tears that pooled. “It’s okay!” She said trying to make her voice cheery. “Seriously, it’s okay. Really.” But it was lies.

Dean turned her to face him & her soft face now clean of makeup, lips sparkly from the gloss, was bright pink. Eyes welled w/ sad tears. She sniffled trying to avoid his gaze until the forbidden name was spoken. She stepped back at the name. “Zach?” The word tasted like absolute shit in her mouth. “What about him?”

She peaked around deans body to look at cas. This time getting a decent look at him. And he looked rough. Rough, beaten, bloodied & a mess. “Oh my god.” She whispered pushed past Dean hurrying to Cas’ side. “What happened???” She gently touched the man’s hair. “Oh my god… did… did Zach do this??” She looked over at Dean.

“I have to get out of here.” She stood up quickly. “I have to go, he’s going to find me. And he’s going to kill me. I have to go.” She brought her phone up to her face fingers quickly working to order an uber. “If he did this, then he’s coming for me. And… you. I don’t want you getting hurt for my mistakes.” She backed away, fuck her dress & the heels. “It’s okay, I’ll bring your flannel back later. I can’t stay here, he’s going to find me.”

[aerospectrum]

“He won’t hurt you, he won’t hurt me.” Dean assured her, running his thumb against her cheek, feeling her soft hand over his. “I know he won’t… ‘cause… he took it all out on Cas.” It was poor timing to joke, but if he didn’t try to laugh then he was pretty sure he’d breakdown about it himself.

Dean wrapped his arms around Madison and squeezed her into a tight hug, rubbing his arms against her back in slow, soothing circles. Her hair was still damp from the shower and she smelled like warm air and soap… traces of sugary sweetness, something fruity for sure. He breathed in deep and just stood there for a long time before finally answering.

“So we’ve got a bit of heavy baggage, but who doesn’t?” Dean held her by her shoulders when she wrapped her arms around herself. He brushed a strand of hair from her face and gently lifted her face to look up at him again. “None of this is your fault and if Cas was awake and not hopped up on drugs then I know he’d say the same too. He would’ve done something if it wasn’t Zach, it just turned out to be him. Judging by the fact the guy was that drunk and belligerent at 4 in the afternoon says a lot. I mean… it says that losing you was the only thing that kept him relatively sane and without you he’s spiraling. That’s on him…” Dean insisted.

“I’m not sweet either… I snap at Benny when it’s hectic at the bar and Garth’s trying to do karaoke on the counters and I gripe on Cas all the time about being smart and safe, I tell Garth to go home constantly; I beat up Zach in your hallway- I changed your door locks without your permission- I didn’t chase after you the first time… none of that exactly screams sweet…” he inhaled softly. “Why don’t you just… rest in my room, you can lay down and relax, watch some movies or tv, whatever you want. I’ll get you some food and some water… juice, I don’t know -whatever you want I’ll get it for you and you can just… crash out here. I can’t promise you it won’t be weird here at first but.. you’re not gonna be blamed for anything, I promise.”

“I’m asking you to stay because I want you to stay.” Dean leaned down to press a soft kiss against her forehead.

She almost wanted to slap her hands over her ears to drown out deans strong handsome voice. She dabbed the corners of her eyes trying to hide the tears that pooled. “It’s okay!” She said trying to make her voice cheery. “Seriously, it’s okay. Really.” But it was lies.

Dean turned her to face him & her soft face now clean of makeup, lips sparkly from the gloss, was bright pink. Eyes welled w/ sad tears. She sniffled trying to avoid his gaze until the forbidden name was spoken. She stepped back at the name. “Zach?” The word tasted like absolute shit in her mouth. “What about him?”

She peaked around deans body to look at cas. This time getting a decent look at him. And he looked rough. Rough, beaten, bloodied & a mess. “Oh my god.” She whispered pushed past Dean hurrying to Cas’ side. “What happened???” She gently touched the man’s hair. “Oh my god… did… did Zach do this??” She looked over at Dean.

“I have to get out of here.” She stood up quickly. “I have to go, he’s going to find me. And he’s going to kill me. I have to go.” She brought her phone up to her face fingers quickly working to order an uber. “If he did this, then he’s coming for me. And… you. I don’t want you getting hurt for my mistakes.” She backed away, fuck her dress & the heels. “It’s okay, I’ll bring your flannel back later. I can’t stay here, he’s going to find me.”

[aerospectrum]

“Hey, come on, now wait a minute, Madison just wait!” The exasperation poured out of him like water. “Put the phone away, put it away— please.” He felt like he was constantly graveling for her to settle down and just listen. “Zach isn’t gonna find you. You’re safe here- I wouldn’t let him near you even with my last breath. You’re safe, look at me.” Dean cupped her cheek and with his other hand tilted her chin up slightly, away from the phone screen. “Stay… stay here with me… taking it slow doesn’t seem to be in the cards for us but… staying is, staying can be. I want you to stay.” Her lips looked warm and pinker than ever. The temptation to kiss her was overwhelming.

“It wasn’t just Zach, Cas said there was two guys with him, they’d been drinking they were harpin’ on some young server at a restaurant he was doing some work outside of and Zach… grabbed her in front of his buddies.” Dean frowned slightly, referring to the multiple times Cas had to recite the same thing to officers who seemed more concerned with why he’d even intervened than the fact that three drunk men were physically harassing a young woman’s. “Look what happened to Cas- that wasn’t because of you.

That was wrong place, wrong time for Cas but if he hadn’t been there then that girl would’ve… I don’t know. Cas doesn’t mess around with that stuff though, the first night you and I met we picked him up outside of that bar for smashing a beer bottle over some rich douches face because he grabbed a girls ass.

This wasn’t your fault. Cas knew the danger in confronting those guys, it wasn’t your fault, Madison.” He reassured her again. “Besides I have a hard time believing his old man’s gonna bail him or his boys out for this. You’re safe here, stay with me, please. Let me try to prove to you that… I’m not just a slow moving train wreck all the time.”

She almost wanted to slap her hands over her ears to drown out deans strong handsome voice. She dabbed the corners of her eyes trying to hide the tears that pooled. “It’s okay!” She said trying to make her voice cheery. “Seriously, it’s okay. Really.” But it was lies.

Dean turned her to face him & her soft face now clean of makeup, lips sparkly from the gloss, was bright pink. Eyes welled w/ sad tears. She sniffled trying to avoid his gaze until the forbidden name was spoken. She stepped back at the name. “Zach?” The word tasted like absolute shit in her mouth. “What about him?”

She peaked around deans body to look at cas. This time getting a decent look at him. And he looked rough. Rough, beaten, bloodied & a mess. “Oh my god.” She whispered pushed past Dean hurrying to Cas’ side. “What happened???” She gently touched the man’s hair. “Oh my god… did… did Zach do this??” She looked over at Dean.

“I have to get out of here.” She stood up quickly. “I have to go, he’s going to find me. And he’s going to kill me. I have to go.” She brought her phone up to her face fingers quickly working to order an uber. “If he did this, then he’s coming for me. And… you. I don’t want you getting hurt for my mistakes.” She backed away, fuck her dress & the heels. “It’s okay, I’ll bring your flannel back later. I can’t stay here, he’s going to find me.”

[aerospectrum]

“Hey hey hey, woah! Calm down, just… just can down, breathe!” Dean held his hands up, palms facing her. “Whatever you’re sure you think is going on here I can promise you, you’re wrong, Madison.” Dean stood between the couch, Cas, and her, feeling like the world was literally dangling by a thread that was actively snapping.

“Benny had to go get Garth to his presentation and… and he couldn’t bring Cas, he’s…” Dean pressed both hands to his temples and swore at the wood floors then flung his arms to his sides. “He’s got I don’t fucking know what or how much coursing through his system- I was just checking the cuts… fuck.. ok- ok alright I know what this looks like but it’s not like that Madison, Cas and I don’t have anything there’s nothing going on here.” He panicked, his cheeks flushed red and his eyes struggled to stay on her sad brown eyes he felt like such a flake, such a creep, a two timer and he wasn’t even doing anything wrong!

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Madison please.” He begged, slowly and gently tugging her shoulders to turn her to face him; feeling his heart crack apart at the tears in her eyes. “Please don’t do this, you don’t need to take an Uber home. Cas is just here until the pain meds wear off and I can get him back home, please… you’re not even supposed to know he’s hurt- I.. I promised him I wouldn’t say anything to you about him or Zach… because he.. he knows you’re gonna be mad and blame him for this. Please.. don’t leave.” his eyes were pleading, warm and glossy with exhaustion and desperation.

She frowned, “I don’t even remember what you said.” She assured him. Her arms hugging him tighter. “It’s okay Dean….”

Madison was holding Dean, but he seemed to be the one to pull away first & slip out of her arms. She frowned watching him walk away & once again it was awkward. They passed eachother in the hallway as she made her way to the shower. They exchanged an awkward ‘sorry, excuse me’, & the way Madison looked up at him, w/ her big brown eyes that lingered on him, it made the air thick.

Quickly she hurried into the bathroom to shower taking her purse w/ her.

After her shower she combed her hair, brushed her teeth & maybe added a bit of lipgloss. Just incase.

She buttoned his flannel starting from the bottom leaving the top 3 undone purposely giving him a little peak of her black lacy bra beneath. “Dean?” She called out having chose to skip the shorts & wear ONLY his flannel, she called out again. “Dean?”

Maybe if they could just cuddle a bit longer, & if she could just hold him she would feel better. They could make this all better… right?

Madison walked back into the living room catching sight of Dean hovering over something, or someone.

She saw it was cas & immediately gasped, “oh my god.” She covered her semi exposed chest w/ her arms & turned around. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry I didn’t see anything!” She covered her eyes, they had to be playing tricks on her because there was no way she just caught Dean hovering over cas’ sleeping form. Whispering in his ear? Kissing his cheek? Whatever they were doing she knew she wasn’t meant to see it.

“I’m sorry I didn’t know you were having company.” She stood facing away, her eyes stinging again w/ tears. “I’m sorry, I can call an uber home.”

[aerospectrum]

“I should’ve kept calling or left where i was to come explain, I’m sorry I didn’t, I’m sorry I left you to think you weren’t important.” Dean sighed, relaxing slightly when Madison positioned herself in his lap. His eyes flickered up from her thighs to her eyes and he sighed softly. “Maybe I did… I said some… I said some shit that really made you mad and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I said.”

he hated the awkwardness of this almost fight just as much as she did, but it was the fact she hadn’t answered his questions that worried him. “I’m not gonna tell them you slapped me and even if I did they wouldn’t hate you. They’d ask what I did to deserve to… and I did deserve it, Madison, I did.” He got up to head to his room and grab a fresh undershirt and flannel and a pair of old shorts she could try keeping up too if she wanted.

when the shower turned on, Dean plopped back on the couch but right as he shut his eyes to rest a pounding at his door and the Benny came barging in with Cas in tow. “He forgot the key to his front door and we ran out of good songs to listen to. I just gave him a double dose of pain meds; he’s fucked out of his brains and I have to get Garth to the library for a presentation.” He deposited Cas on the couch and then gave Dean an apologetic shrug before dipping out. “Fuck!” Dean exclaimed. “Can I please get one fucking break here?!” Dean exclaimed at the ceiling, Castiel’s pupils were blown wide and he was just sitting on the couch still bloody and hair a mess. “Cas.. buddy… hello? Earth to cas, you in there?” He asked, waving his hand in front of his face. “Just lay down and get some rest, I’ll make you some jello or something later.” He instructed when Cas half slurred that he was tired. The cast was pristine still.. god this was gonna fuck up their renovation. He covered him with the blankets and fluffed the pillow before he checked over the cut along his cheek and the one on his eyebrow, they looked clean and healthy still.. just what he fucking needed. He silently cursed Benny. How the fuck was he supposed to explain this, Madison was gonna wig when she saw Cas sleeping on the couch literally it even ten minutes after she got in the shower.

Madison didn’t answer his questions. Because she truthfully didn’t believe him. That was okay for now. They weren’t anything serious, & even though Dean was saying the right things, his actions didn’t align w/ those words.

“Oh Dean….” She let out a soft sigh before pushing up from the couch just enough to swing her leg over his waist, sit on his lap & wrap her arms around him. She pressed her face right into the crook of his neck he placed a few kisses there. “I hate this… I hate this uncomfortable fight. Or whatever this is. I wish last night hadn’t happened.”

She held him close & continued to inhaled deep breaths that allowed his smell to intoxicate her all over again. “I’m sorry.” She turned her head away from his neck kissed his trap. “Sorry I made such a mess of everything…. I know you said it’s not my fault. But…. I should’ve just waited for you. Or gone home….. I was just so upset.” Her fingers began to play w/ the soft hair at the nape of his neck. Twisting & turning the strands so she could feel them along her finger tips.

“I’m sorry I hit you, I’ve never done that to anyone before…. You didn’t deserve it. I won’t ever do it again.” Madison repositioned herself so she was pressed right up against his body. They were so close there wasn’t enough room for the Holy Ghost to squeeze by.

But w/ being so close, her thin dress & his jeans were the only things separating them. She might not have worn underwear in anticipation of getting Dean alone. So much for that though.

“It’s okay.” She said again. “Maybe….. maybe we can try again. Later…. Maybe we need more time to be comfortable w/ eachother. I’m sure your friends will hate me once you tell them I hit you.” She frowned.

It took a couple of minutes to relax into him fully & by then she figured maybe she should just shower. “I really want to get out of those dress…. Could I please borrow a flannel or something?”

[aerospectrum]

That sinking feeling of his heart crashing into the pit of his stomach rose back up in his throat when Madison continued to devalue herself. Part of him wanted to grab her shoulders and shake her softly until the worth simply aligned and sunk in to her thoughts. Dean had waited so long for someone like Madison to come along, someone that he fell into a rhythm with so easily without the slightest hesitation. And she was that. Fuck if he’d just told her about Cas none of this would’ve happened.

But even now he couldn’t bring himself to tell her. He gave a grand spiel about honesty and transparency and he couldn’t even tell her the truth about the guy. Dean felt unworthy of her gentle kisses against his hands and wrists; he knew she was internalizing his mistakes as a reflection of her own worth and he hated himself for that. For hurting her.

“Madison.” He said her name with sad exasperation; desperate for her to understand how much she meant to him. “You’re not just some sorry sap I met in a bar, time doesn’t get to dictate your priority in my life. I told you last night…” though maybe that escaped the drunken hungover. “I wouldn’t tell everyone you’re my sweetheart if I didn’t mean it, if you weren’t right at the top of my list.” He blinked and looked down when she tried examining him for blood. She remembered exactly what he wanted her to.. but not what she probably needed to- or deserved to. He’d taken the cowards route and told her the rest of the stuff when she was asleep.

“It’s not my blood, you didn’t punch me- and you didn’t hurt me.” He lied again. “Madison….” He took her hand in his that time, running his fingers between hers. “You know I wouldn’t cheat on you don’t you? You know I wouldn’t stand you up for Cas, don’t you?” Warm green eyes remained trained on her. “I don’t want to be the reason you throw the things you love away.” His eyes didn’t falter from hers. “What happened last night, me not being there to meet you when you came over, that was wrong of me and I’m sorry. All of last night happened because of me and.. and I know you might not remember it all, but I do. It was my fault, not yours. I’m sorry.”he breathed out anxiety and shifted on the couch. “I’ll get you some fresh clothes for after the shower; but… don’t throw the dress out. I still wanna be able to make it up to you, one day anyway.”

“Dean it’s okay,” she cooed softly, her hands holding his tighter, “it’s okay, really. Don’t even worry about it. We’ve….. we’ve rushed a bit I understand if there’s reservations or if im at the bottom of your priority list. That’s okay.” She kissed his hands again, this time, up to his wrists. “It’s okay….”

But it wasn’t. She knew that. He knew that. But Madison didn’t want to feel like a toss aside again, so she did what she did best; brush it off.

“I don’t know what the process is supposed to look like either… but, I know there shouldn’t be pressure. So, I’m sorry I made you feel that way. And I’m sorry I acted… so entitled to you.” She cleared her throat. “You have other people who value you, & you’ve known them alot longer that a sad sap you met at the bar.”

Once again she kissed his hand.

“I remember…. Crying in the car waiting for you. Then, I remember sitting at the bar.” She paused trying to focus. “I remember Benny…. Ummm, I remember I think talking to some guys, then… you & I were outside.” She frowned, “I don’t even remember getting in your car- Did you say blood???” She lowered her gaze trying to look over his shirt.

“Did…. Did I make you bleed?” She reached out trying to find the trail of blood, then her hand cupped his face again trying to find the wound that caused it. “I’m so sorry, i thought I only slapped you? Did I … did I punch you ?”

Dean has offered her a shower & she frowned, “I probably should… &, if I can borrow something that would be great. I honestly will just throw this dress away. The price wasn’t worth the experiences I had because of it.”

“I’m sorry about last night…. I wish I would’ve just gone home when you didn’t come back.”