afdhaljamrul

[afdhaljamrul]

Selamat hari lahir

Hari ini, aku tak membawa hadiah.

Tiada bingkisan mewah, tiada kotak berbalut rapi.

Kerana apa yang ingin aku beri tak bisa dibungkus— ia cuma seuntai doa, dan rasa yang tak pernah pudar walau waktu sudah banyak berubah.

Aku menulis ini dengan hati yang tenang, namun berat. Bukan kerana duka, tapi kerana penuh rindu yang tak bisa ditunjukkan, dan syukur yang tak sempat dilafazkan.

Terima kasih, untuk segalanya.

Untuk menjadi peneman saat aku bukan siapa-siapa.

Untuk cahaya kecil yang kau nyalakan ketika aku hampir padam.

Untuk sabar yang kau hadiahkan walau aku sering kali diam, hilang arah.

Aku sepakat — cinta seharusnya indah.

Tidak menyakiti, tidak membenci.

Bahkan jika kita tidak berdua sampai mati,

Aku tetap percaya, kau yang paling aku mahu genggam erat dalam diam.

Tetaplah menjadi penenang hati

Kerana bagiku kau begitu berarti

Bahagia lah selalu, kerana

Bahagia aku, itu kamu

[afdhaljamrul]

Reflection: Own It, Grow From It

I’ve made my fair share of mistakes in life—some small, some that shook me to the core. And for the longest time, I ran from them. Tried to deny them. Tried to pretend they didn’t matter. But the truth is, when you mess things up, you’ve got to own it. Not because you’re proud of the mess, but because growth starts with accountability.

Mistakes are part of being human. They’re not the end of your story—they’re the middle chapters, the ones where the tension builds, where the main character is tested. And when the damage is done, there’s no point wasting time pretending it didn’t happen. What matters is what you do next.

It’s in the aftermath that you find your true self. I’ve reached a place where I’m learning to pause and reflect—not to beat myself up, but to understand who I was, who I am now, and who I want to become. That’s not easy. It takes courage. It takes humility. It takes facing the darkest parts of yourself and choosing to walk through the storm instead of around it.

Yeah, it’s tough. I won’t sugarcoat it. Some days feel like you’re drowning in regret or doubt. But even on those days, the fact that you try—that you wake up, keep going, and put in the effort to become better—that’s something powerful. That’s strength.

At the end of the day, it’s not you versus the world. It’s you versus the person in the mirror. And when you start competing with who you were yesterday, that’s when real change begins. You stop waiting for external validation. You stop blaming the past. You start owning your journey.

No regrets—only lessons. No self-pity—only purpose. Grieve if you need to. Feel the weight of it all. Let it shape you, not shatter you. Life isn’t always fair. People leave. Plans fall apart. Dreams get delayed. But none of that means you’re broken. It means you’re still in progress.

So give yourself some credit. For the effort. For the resilience. For showing up—even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard. That’s what makes you unstoppable.

The key ingredient in all of this? Belief. Not blind optimism, but deep-rooted trust in yourself. Believe that you can overcome. Believe that your mistakes don’t define you—they refine you. Believe that everything you’ve been through is building something in you.

You’ve got more strength than you realize. More potential than you’ve tapped into. And more life ahead than the setbacks behind you.

Own your story. Walk your path. Trust yourself.

Because you can.

[afdhaljamrul]

[afdhaljamrul]

✞ 666 ✞

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[afdhaljamrul]

It's not just about bodies - it's about souls. The kind of connection that shakes you, consumes you, pulls you in so deep that even when you're apart, they're still under your skin. The best intimacy isn't just about lust; it's about obsession -the kind that's mutual, relentless, undeniable. No games, no doubts, just two people locked in so completely that the world outside fades. It's when their touch isn't just a touch but a home, when their presence doesn't just excite you but calms you, when every kiss feels like a promise. Not just of passion, but of presence.

But the truth? Most people never find this. Because they chase excitement but fear depth. They want the high but not the fall. They crave the fire but run the moment it burns too real. That's why so many end up in almost-love, almost-connection, almost-intimacy.

But the real thing? It's built in consistency, in trust so solid that you can let go without fear of them letting go first. It's knowing that they won't just touch your body, they'll touch your soul. That they won't just leave memories on your skin, but on your mind, in your heart, in places no one else has ever reached.

And once you've had that? Everything else feels empty. Because real intimacy doesn't just fade - it lingers. It changes you. It ruins you for anything less.

It's not just sex; it's something that stays with you, something that rewires the way you feel, the way you love, the way you crave. And the worst part? You don't just miss their touch - you miss the way they made you feel. Like you were theirs. Like they were yours. Like, for once, you weren't just wanted. You were understood.

[afdhaljamrul]

“Wild Geese”, by Mary Oliver

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"How much do you love her?" they ask. Enough to stand by her side for a lifetime without ever needing to claim her as mine. Enough to love her in a way that doesn't demand, doesn't take, doesn't ask for proof - just let her be. Because love isn't about possession; it's about presence. It's in the way I listen when she speaks, in the way I remember the little things she forgets she even told me. It's in the way her happiness feels like my own, in the way I would rather watch her shine than ever try to dim her light just to keep her close.

But this kind of love isn't easy. It's not for the weak, for the ones who need control to feel secure. It takes a man who understands that intimacy isn't just physical, that love doesn't always need hands to hold - it needs a heart that stays, even when everything else is uncertain. Because it's easy to love someone when they're right beside you, when everything is perfect. But real love is tested in distance, in misunderstandings, in the days when silence is heavier than words. Can you love her without needing to own her? Can you stay even when she needs space, when life pulls her in directions you can't follow? Because love isn't about keeping someone tied to you - it's about making sure they always feel free, and still choose you every time.

And maybe that's the rarest kind of love - the kind that doesn't need a grip to be real. The kind where you could spend a lifetime beside her, never needing to claim her, yet knowing she's yours in all the ways that matter. Because love isn't about proving anything. It's not about needing constant reassurance.

It's about choosing someone every single day, even when there's no reason except that she is who she is. And for me, that has always been enough.

[afdhaljamrul]

[afdhaljamrul]

Loving someone selflessly feels like poetry in motion, doesn't it? You pour your heart into their happiness, their dreams, their laughter, believing that if they're okay, then you'll somehow be okay too. You hold them together, even if it means breaking yourself apart.

You tell yourself it's worth it because love is supposed to be about sacrifice. But in those quiet moments, when the world slows down, do you feel it? That emptiness in your chest, the one that whispers,

"What about me?

When will I matter in this story?"

Because love like this isn't always as romantic as it seems. It's waking up every day carrying the weight of being their anchor, their safety net, their everything, while feeling like no one is doing the same for you. It's swallowing your needs, silencing your pain, convincing yourself that their happiness is enough to fill the void inside you. But love shouldn't leave you feeling invisible. It shouldn't make you question if you'll ever be more than the one who gives while they take.

You're not a martyr for love, and yet, here you are, bleeding quietly so they can shine.

But here's the hard truth: love isn't about losing yourself to save someone else. It's not about one person winning while the other fades into the background.

True love is a partnership, a balance, where both people lift each other, where both dreams matter, where both hearts are cared for. It's okay to want to see them happy, but not at the cost of your own peace.

Love should feel like home-not a sacrifice, not a battlefield.

And the best kind of love?

It's the one where your happiness and theirs are one and the same.

[afdhaljamrul]

[afdhaljamrul]

Suara Hati

Apakah kau mengerti makna cinta?
Jika tidak, izinkan aku menghuraikannya.
Sejak detik pertama, pesona wajahmu memagut jiwa,
Makan tak kenyang, mandi tak basah, lena pun tiada.

Walau berjuta bait puisi ku anyam,
Tiada mampu menyaingi bisikan dalam kalam.
Rasa kasih ini kekal terpahat, tak mudah tenggelam,
Hanya dirimu mampu mengubat, saat jiwa dihentam gelombang kelam.

Bertahun sudah hati ini kaku tanpa penghuni,
Namun mungkin takdir Ilahi, kau hadir menyinari.
Andai kita tertulis serasi,
Gunung dan lautan pun sanggup ku redahi.

Aku tahu ini bukan yang kau damba,
Namun apalah dayaku melawan suara sukma?
Hanya satu pinta dari jiwa,
Ajarkan aku mengenal pencuri hatiku, yang kini nyata.

Telah ku sediakan satu daerah paling sunyi,
Di setiap penjuru hati, untuk kau hiasi.
Untuk kau penuhi dengan kelembutan seorang wanita,
Untuk memberi erti, menyemai kasih yang suci.

Izinkan aku menjadi pelangi,
Yang menyapa saat langitmu diselubungi mendung duri.
Siapa mampu menghukumku kerana mendekapmu?
Sedang kau adalah anugerah syurga, takdir agung yang diberkati waktu.

— Nukilan ini hasil inspirasi dendangan Kopratasa - Permata

[afdhaljamrul]

[afdhaljamrul]

[afdhaljamrul]

Cinta dan Rindu di Bawah Bayangan Dewata - 3 Januari

Di bawah langit Bali yang biru membara,

Cinta dan rindu menari bersama,

Dewata tersenyum dari singgasana,

Menyaksikan jiwa-jiwa yang dilanda asmara.

Sang Hyang Widhi, saksi cinta suci,

Di setiap doa yang tulus di hening pagi.

Seperti pasangan sejati,

Kau dan aku terikat restu ilahi.

Di padang hijau sawah Subak,

Rindu mengalir seperti air tak berjejak.

Dewa Vishnu menjaga alirannya,

Sebagaimana cinta menjaga rindunya.

Di puncak Gunung Agung yang megah,

Shiva bersemadi dalam keheningan tabah.

Seperti rindu yang menanti tak kenal lelah,

Cinta bertahan, meski jarak memisah.

Dengan bara Agni yang menghangatkan,

Kupanjatkan rindu di persembahan.

Dewa Brahma menciptakan rasa,

Membuat cinta ini tak pernah pudar cahaya.

Oh, Dewi Saraswati yang bijaksana,

Ajari hati ini menulis puisi cinta.

Agar setiap bait menjadi doa,

Untuk dia yang selalu kurindu di sana.

Di pulau para dewa ini aku menanti,

Dengan hati yang dipenuhi janji.

Cinta dan rindu, bagai mantra suci,

Terukir abadi di Bali.

[afdhaljamrul]

Chasing Sunrises In Bali — Dec 2024

At 5:30, the world still dreams,
Yet I wake, drawn by silent beams.
If she were here, she’d whisper, “Come,
The sunrise waits; let’s greet the sun.”

Barefoot on sand, the breeze so light,
Brisk walking, jogging, chasing light.
While others linger in sleep’s embrace,
We claim the dawn, our sacred space.

Her voice, a melody soft and clear,
Speaks of her heart, of hopes, of fears.
I listen close, her words my guide,
The sun’s warm touch, her hand in mine.

In those moments, the world stood still,
Two souls entwined, one heart, one will.
But in a blink, the light grew dim,
My home, my safe place, lost within.

Now I walk where we should roamed,
A stranger in the life I owned.
The sunrise comes, yet it feels cold,
For without her, the day feels old.

Oh, how the sun caressed my cheek,
Its warmth a love I dared to seek.
But now, it burns—a cruel disguise,
A fleeting echo of her skies.

[afdhaljamrul]