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9 years of unrequited love

We have met year 2008, i have never expected to be close to you but then destiny took its toll. I was re-seated next to you because for some reason I hated it at first but then happiness overshadowed everything because we became close. 👌We treated each other like brothers and sisters. We shared the same likes and dislikes and talk about other people alot 😂😂😂 I was at the top of the class that time and you were, you know just the happy go lucky guy 🍀, you never really cared about things, you take life less lightly, you just always kept cool and that was what I liked about you, I wanted to be like you but then unlike you, I was pressured by the fact that people expected alot from me. At good times, you were always the reason for my happiness and when in bad times, you try not to talk to me and become too shy to even comfort me but despite that I felt your warmth and concern of how I was feeling. Besides my family, you were always my rock! That time, I thought I was inlove with you but I wasn’t sure, I was too young to know. Time passed by, yet we remained close that closeness strengthened because of the time we spent together but then somwthing rather someone else came to our lives. One classmate confessed his love for me but I never tried to entertain him at first because yeah I was pre occupied by you and the fact that my parents were strict. You, one classmate confessed her love for you but then you rejected her because she wasn’t your type and as you have said you didn’t like her back. We continued with our lives but then you started to change ... You had a new phone, you contacted a lot of girls and even courted one who became your first ever girlfriend.. Yeah, we continued to be close but changes were uncontainable. While you were busy with her another mutual friend of ours confessed his live for me, you were teasing me everytime because you never thought tht he had something for me. I took the chance with him just incase He would help me to forget you. At first, things went well with me and him but eventually it didn't work out, eventually I cane back running to your arms eventhough that time friendship was all we had. Cutting it short you had multiple girlfriends,me? i was the ever loyal bestfriend/ not so best friend. You never declared me as your bestfriend, but me I always did eventhough I never told anyone. There came a time when I was really hurt because you were asked of whom was your bestfriend and you said someone else, I repeat someone else and not me. I was really really hurt up to the point that I questioned why I was hurt. Was I hurt because you never appreciated me or was I hurt because I was falling inlove with you already? To tell you all why I asked if why I wasn't chosen to be his bestfriend is because we did everything together all the time, we shared foods, he goes to my house, we both know each others parents, I let him copy my exam/ assignments, I know all his secrets he knew all of mine and many many more things that normal "bestfriends" would do. Such a shame he never appreciated all of those. Moving on, I never let that happening stick to my mind I chose to let go and just forgive him, that's what supposed to be done right? Treasure everything worth treasuring and forgive the little mistakes commited. In short, I became more martyr than ever, I was already inlove with you. You went on with your lovelife and I was stuck alone. Everything was well until one day I found out that you courted the girl you rejected at first, I was really shocked and that made me mad. From that without any valid reason I withdrawed myself from being your friend I resigned from being your bestfriend. O was sour and you never even cared, you never even cared if I walked away. When you were gone already from my life I entertained the boy that first courted me in highschool , he loved me at first making me forget about you, we were happy but then again our relationship failed ( another story). I was back again at being alone. Shookt, God really made a way to bring you back to my life, you broke up wih the girl and came running back to my comfort, I accepted you which made me realized I still loved you the same. We continued our friendship, we were closerbthan ever eventhough we are many many miles apart. You sre on a different country already but everytime you come home to our hometown we always find ways to see each other and bond as much as we can. Our friendship became stronger that ever we are already a force tk be reckon with. We might figt sometimes but it never lasts. Up to this day we remain diaries of each other you tolerate me I tolerate you, you remained to be my rock. Although you never knew or will never know this I have, has and will always love you with all my heart. I'd rather keep it a secret than destroy what we have. I am happy to be just a friend, I am and will always be happy with your happiness eventhough in that happiness I will no longer be included, I will never be the reason. 💙💓

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Weekend Getaway 🚗

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To my almost,

I went far to find myself again, after the break up that broke me into pieces, there I never thought I’d love again but then I found you 💓 At first, we were just classmates, a seat apart from each other we never really talked that much since we just met. Until one day destiny made its own move, we became friends, really good friends, you became my study buddy, my partner in crime 💑. At first there was no malice, you shared your food with me I shared mine with you, we were happy with each other’s company, we exchanged ideas for our homeworks, and share thoughts for our exams, you made me your nightingale, I sang for you, you sang for me. We started setting our boundaries, you had a girlfriend, you always tell stories about her which made me knew you really loved her. As days passed by, we continued what we had, we were then undeniably close, that was also then that I knew, I was slowly falling inlove with you, BUT despite that I never told you how I felt, I guess, that was the right thing for me to do, you were happy with someone else, I was already happy seeing you that way eventhough it hurt me so much. Putting my feelings aside and holding on to that friendship we had I played it cool and pretended that everything’s fine, my actions did not change I kept all the pain to myself ‘cause I know you will never be mine. I went with the flow until one day, everything changed, you started to act weird and it made me feel uneasy 😳. One night, when we were at our study room you slowly closed the book you were reading and looked me in the eyes, then, unexpectedly you said, “I never knew that your eyes were as beautiful as this, they are in the perfect shade of brown” 👀, for a moment I stopped , I was blushing and my heart throbbed. I pretended to be unaffected but deep inside I was shouting for joy, I was happy, I was filled with a chance, a chance that you might want me to. But reluctantly, I replied, “Shut up, I know you’re lying! Study!”, I pretended to be mad, but really I wasn’t. After what I said, you just smiled, and looked away, you kept on smiling that night which made my heart melt. You continued with that way of talking to me, you started to tease me alot, say things to woo me and to sweep me off my feet. But then, I never let myself believe in you, there were times when I almost did but then again the thought of you having a girlfriend kept me from not doing so. I went with it, I let it be but then one day, you asked me, “Do you love me?” , right then and there I was mad! ferocious! I replied, “What kind of question is that? Am I supposed to answer that? You have a girlfriend!!!” You then saw how angry I was, but before I said another, you interrupted me by saying, “That is why I am asking you this, do you love me?” It came to my senses that what you meant was that you would break up with your girl if I would say yes.. But then I had no answer that time I left you with nothing. From that moment, Everything was hanging, you started a pseudo-relationship with me that was wrong in every way, YOU HAD A GIRLFRIEND for Christ’s sake! The only fault that I did was I never objected, I never protested against it I went with it because I loved you. Alot of people knew and reprimanded me for what I’ve done but love fogged my mind, it shut it down to let my heart take over. I made myself blind, I became the person I never wanted to become. We were happy, yes, but it was not for long. Realizations sank in, my parents never raised me to become someone’s second, someone’s mistake. I decided not to take it that far, I stopped, you stopped, we stopped, realizing it was all a big mistake. Coincidentally, We had our semestral break, we parted, since we came from different regions, we bid our goodbyes, I bid my goodbye by saying, “Go home to your girlfriend, tell her you love her, don’t think about me, forget me.. I am sorry” I guess that was the end of our pseudo relationship, my last words from your last call to me before your phone batteries died in the airport.

Months have passed, we haven’t talked much. I tried to forget you eventhough you still cross my mind sometimes. I thought it was the end I thought it was over but it was not. One midnight, you called me, I was shocked! You asked me how I was doing, what kept me busy, etcetera, we had a very nice talk despite our sad parting. The night was getting deeper when you decided to ask me through the phone a question that was never answered by me back then, “Do you love me?” I was stuck in that moment and I thought, why would you call me in the middle of the night? Right? As my hopes went up, Immediately I answered my own question in my mind.. “MAYBE THEY BROKE UP” right then and there without any hesitation I said YES! Thinking that you were already free… I heard a silent yes from you, a yes which means joy, you gave it out to me through the phone and told me almost a thousand I love yous. As I heard all of it, basing by the way you reacted (of how happy you were), I said to myself, FINALLY! Finally our chance has come! It was getting late that night that we decided to end the call, you then left me a promise that the next day you will make another call, yes you did. But then after a few days, unknowingly why, I never heard from you again. I never received a call nor even just a simple text. You left me hanging, you left me with the thought that we had something special, you left me without saying a thing, you left me without a proper goodbye, you left me waiting for you, you left me forgranted, you left me with tears, you left me with a broken heart, you left me again. 💔

After a few days of asking why, almost a few days of seeking for comfort from my friends, I finally came to my senses, I finally found answers to my own questions, I finally accepted the truth. 1.) You only loved me because I was the only one there. 2.) You only loved me because I was nearer. 3.) You only loved me because SHE wasn’t there. 4.) You only loved me because I resembled HER. 5.) You only loved me because you missed the feeling of being loved by HER. 6.) You only called me because you had a fight with HER. 7.) You only called me because SHE broke up with you. 8.) You only called me, for the meantime, to replace HER. 9.) You only loved me because I was your go to/rebound girl. 10.) You never loved me because I wasn’t HER.

To you, my almost,I changed for you, I belittled myself for you, I secretly hurt someone for you, I became dumb, I let my heart overpower my mind, I became blind, deaf and stupid, but never have I loved you less, I loved you with all my heart. Nonetheless no regrets, as my teacher told me, LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL. It doesn’t matter if they won’t love you back what matters is that you have loved them truely and without any restrictions. Thank you for teaching me how to love again and thank you for breaking my heart, you have made me stronger and smarter than ever. I just hope you are happy wherever and whomever you are with right now, this would be the last, I am completely forgetting you my almost, Goodbye. 🌹

~

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Ang pagtakbo ay parang pagmamahal

Ang bawat desisyon mong tumakbo uli 🏃 ay mahihintulad sa desisyon mong umibig muli 💓. Sa iyong pagsimula hindi mo alam kung tatagal ka ba o kung hanggang saan lang ang iyong makakaya. Ngunit kahit na ganun ay patuloy padin ang iyong pagtakbo. Darating ka sa puntong mauubusan ka na ng hininga at minsa'y madadapa ka sa isang lubak ng hindi mo sinasadya. Mula rito may tatlo kang pwedeng pagpipilian, UNA, ☝️tatayo ka at ipapatuloy pa ngunit sa tagal ng iyong pagtakbo at sa sugat na naidulot ng iyong pagkadapa unti unti mong mararamdaman ang sakit, hnd ka na masaya kaya’t ititigil mo na at ikaw ay magpapahinga, PANGALAWA ✌️, sa pagkadapa mo pa lang ay titigil ka na sapagkat ikaw ay nasaktan at ayaw mo nang ipagpatuloy ito, mabuti nang itigil ang lahat hanggat sariwa pa ang sugat, PANGATLO 👌,tutuloy ka padin kahit sugat sugat ka na dahil umaasa ka na sa huliham may nag aantay sayong gamot at tubig na papawi sa lahat ng sakit at pagod, masasabi mo sa sarili mo na tama ka at kinaya mo pa. Ika nga nila ang pagtakbo ay parang pagmamahal, walang kasiguraduhan, walang tiyak na patutunguhan, minsan nakakapagod man pero pagtama'y makakamit ang tiyak na kaligayahan 🎉.

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Hold me like I'm more than just a friend

~ All I Ask by Adele 🌹

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To those who got away 💔

Have you ever experienced something so right but was really wrong? Have you ever been specially treated by someone but just meant nothing? Have you ever felt that you were loved but then it was just pure friendship? Have you ever? Have you ever? Yes, my whole life I have been that girl, I was a rebound, I was just a friend, I was a pillow, I was a punching bag of emotions, I was a diary of thoughts, I was a garbage for some people's trash BUT, I WAS NEVER LOVED FOR ME, FOR WHO I AM. I really don't know up until now why Im always treated this way, one day I would think that they love me but the next day they just won't show up in my life anymore. They would keep on sending me mixed signals and lovely messages but would just tell me thank you for being a "FRIEND" When they are alone they would come to me but when they'd fall inlove they'll just forget me right away, not knowing Ive already fell for them. Why is this happening to me everytime? Am I that type of girl who's just meant to be only friends with and not to be inloved with? Am I that hard to love? What Am I? Is it my fault because I fell in love? Or is it their fault for unknowingly making me feel that way?

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My anchor, my source of Happiness ⚓️️🐶

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You will never know how far you can fly unless you spread your wings and try 🕊

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The fangirl that lies within 💓 It has been 2 years since I stopped this insane fangirling but then I realized that once you started to become a fan girl you can never look back! 🇵🇭🇵🇭🇵🇭