agentbrian95 - Tumblr blog

[agentbrian95]

confession: two weeks ago my friends got sick of me slowly cooking to death in my self-pitying emotional soup of heartbreak, took me out for drinks, and installed a dating app on my phone. we are all in the same degree at uni (i'm 25 + i promise this is relevant), in a faculty that is extremely quaint and mostly comprised of academics married to people with normal jobs. two years ago a teacher-couple joined our program's faculty, a fact that caused a minor riot within the teaching staff, who thought it was unfair to give two of four tenured jobs to a couple... unfortunately for them both of these profs are extremely beloved among the students and very good teachers at that. even if you've never taken classes from either of them, you know about this couple and probably whatever rumors are going around about them too. i've taken classes w/ both.

anyway. back to me on the dating app in the bar with my friends, pretty drunk, swiping though my bumble suggestions. for extra fun, we have set the minimum age to 30 and the gender to include "both" even though i am a lesbian. the whole table is viciously tearing down dating profiles, investigating their pictures, etc. i go to the bar to get another round for the group, am about to pay for our drinks when i hear a virtual SHRIEK from our corner. i get back, dish our drinks out. my phone is in the middle of the table, untouched by anyone like it's a cursed object. i look at the screen. it's them, our teacher couple. they have a shared dating profile, stating that they are "looking for someone to explore her bisexuality with". lesbian readers will know that this is not exactly an uncommon profile type to find, but still, seeing it from people who have taught basically everything you know about 19th century literature is... quite something. so naturally i decide to swipe right before anyone can stop me.

maia, i am so proud to report: i fucked that man's wife, she was absolutely lovely, and we will see each other again, and i am currently taking another class from her husband where the vibe is more than chill. my friends have been sworn to secrecy, but i know it's only a matter of time before someone slips up and the rumor mill starts churning... but who cares? i haven't thought about my ex since!

OH MY GOD HOLY SHIT

[agentbrian95]

[agentbrian95]

I feel like i used to think about albert einstein like once to twice a week when i was younger. Now it’s like once a month if that

[agentbrian95]

t-...to-...toasty s'more mushrooms.....

[agentbrian95]

[agentbrian95]

HATE when you’re inserting your email somewhere and literally from the first letter the website is like “invalid email address” like yes i know. I’m typing it right now. My email address is obviously not just the letter ‘m’. Stop

[agentbrian95]

Thank you for changing the game and creating a new place where all of us can shine!

[agentbrian95]

No Ame Doko. Ame will always be Koko.

Right in all our Kokoro 💛

I will never accept that we're in a post Amelia Watson world, I will love her and think of her and read and write about her and see art of her for a long long time. Ame will still be here with us.

[agentbrian95]

I just know somewhere a certain zombie has lost gallons

Kiwawa Making it rain by GreatoDoggo [Twitter/X] ※Illustration shared with permission from the artist. If you like this artwork please support the artist by visiting the source.

[agentbrian95]

We stan

[agentbrian95]

If you like frogs. Or possums. Or cool builds. Or happiness. This is the video for you.

[agentbrian95]

(bad) Idea: Pronoun selections for multiple pronoun users where you have the ability to set relative rates of each pronoun. Like maybe like:

See you could set relative frequencies of each pronoun, and order them.

And yes I did mock this up using Visual Basic 6. That's just how my brain works.

[agentbrian95]

everyone knows that space is very very cold, and the sun is very very hot. so i assume there's a bit of space kind of near the sun which is just right. balmy space

[agentbrian95]

I was on my way home, when I saw this deranged looking demon man on the street. He looked at me with his baggy eyes, and then just broke down crying out of nowhere.

[agentbrian95]

shinigami

[agentbrian95]

everyday i cry cause God made me genderfluid but not a shapeshifter