ahotassmess

[ahotassmess]

Nov 26 2022 6:04 pm

I cant find my journal, but have a lot to say about my life today. in a year i would love to see myself getting ready to finish learning how to code, having a pretty set and great schedule in all aspects of my calm/peaceful life. at a job i really enjoy. I know i have to start preparing now for the person i want to grow into these next few months. I want to have a more strict gym routine and schedule, a better at home eating schedule, working a morning job that i enjoy in all aspects, loving coding. I just want to grow and focus on myself these next few months and I’m really excited to do it :,) I’ve been realizing a lot about myself the past few months, interacting with people who are sometimes a mirror of myself, showing me areas i could grow in, situations I’ve grown from, and things i enjoy about myself. I’ve been having a hard time lately meditating in the traditional sense of just sitting and shutting my eyes and clearing my mind but have been taking time daily to be more mindful and in the moment. I’m really happy about the changes that have taken place in my life the past few months. 

As I get more involved learning about my culture I feel more things, and see more synchronies. Its cool and exciting but I wish i could grasp things better. Ive been reading a book on the 21 Divisions and its sooooo interesting. I wish I had a relationship with my dad and learned more about his culture. I wish my grandpa was around more so I could learn about his family more and thus learn more about my mom. I have so many questions about my lineages. it sucks that i have to seek outside sources to learn but its easier finding sources on my dads culture. So far I learned what may seem simple to others. Christopher Columbus invaded the Hispaniola (DR/Haiti), brought over Catholic religion and slaves from Africa. religion was mixed. 

[ahotassmess]

Grand rising hoe!

Sun, Nov. 20, 2022 8:42 am or whatever. Yesterday I went to trader joes to get roses. I also  got my nails done, and I’ve really been branching out with the colors. I got this deep purple, like plum! it reminds me of the purple lipstick phase in 2016.  I went to a store in Oakland to get some candles, and the girl who worked there was answering all my questions about herbalism. 

Lately, I’ve been feeling like I have some form of ADHD, because I have noticed I have a had time keeping my mind on one thing. I’m not sure if this is even something I’ve always had and just something I’ve recently become aware of or something new. <Google search: why do i always have so many thoughts in my head?> But funny enough I’ve felt no anxiety for months. Was it that breakup? Was it that career change? Was it switching from a pen to tree? My thoughts also aren't bad or stress inducing, more so just thinking of many different topics, and constantly switching gears. <Google search: what is adhd?> Mmmm no, I don’t think its that.

[ahotassmess]

Nov 17, 8:37 pm

Im having a hella emotional day and it isnt very fun, lol. So lets talk about yesterday. I ate lunch with with my uncle and cousin at their job and it was a cool time. we talked a lot, and i love talking to them. we talked a lot about Tita, which i love to do! i love talking about tita because shes naturally hella funny. I took bart for the first time solo, I went to my bestfriends job and of course, being a virgo, I CLEANED! and i loved it! I passed my HTML/CSS and now im working on git, i cant wait to look back at how much of a challenge i found these assessments, and LAUGH. Let me work on git now actually *rolls eyes*

[ahotassmess]

SAG MOON UP IN THIS BITCH

I used to get too caught up in outside opinions, so i kept myself reserved. I’ve gotten a lot better at just being who Mio wants to be. SO FUCK IT IMA START NAME DROPPING IN THIS BITCH (kidding, I’m still a Virgo). But I feel like i’ve been trying to suppress my outgoingness for a while and not smoking weed has been making me so talkative that i need to get all this out someway. I dont want to ramble to others anymore. I wanna share all my journal entries, all my old stories, everything I want, because at the end of the day, who else would be on here. 

Today I stretched for hella long! like an hour. Just working on my mobility, and touching my toes - which i can now do, took roughly 4 days. The splits next! I feel like once I hit 28, got myself out from that life-changing wave of emotions, my life has hella improved. I’m so happy where I am, this is my 3rd day not abusing weed. I smoked it once in the past 3 days instead of a normal ~9. I’ve been coding about 6 days a week just practicing and it is tough! omg! but I know I can master it, I know I will master it. 

Let us rewind tho, let me tell you my business. Lets set the scene: It’s 2020, me and My Love (ML) break up, covid time. My classes get switched to online, its my last year in PHAP, I’m living in Oakland, studying to become a dentist. okay u get it. I move back home, I’m getting EDD, I’m LIVING! But, I’m anxious af, and im a sad girl going through a breakup. Looking back, I think thats when I really let most of my self-discipline go. I got unhealthy & so unhappy as that year went on, BUT LIVING LIFE. I meet a man on twitter, I’d call him The NY Vegan, or The Spiritual Pisces, but for the sake of character counts lets call him my Twin Flame... to be continued.

[ahotassmess]

November 11, 2022

Coding is proving to be more of a challenge than we thought. *over*

Currently taking a break from coding to just ramble. I’ve been spending less time on social media and more time with myself and its been nice af (: Something I’ve been thinking about is how an adult brain takes up to 30 years to fully develop, on average its 25 years (i think...) and I think my shit just fucking clicked, ugh, gross. Anywho, i feel and see a change within myself a lot these days and the changes are cool.   

[ahotassmess]

November 9, 2022 8:51 p.m.

My screen time was down to an hour today so thats hella exciting! One thing that i’ve grown to admire is how much i love herbalism. in everything i do, i somehow bring herbs into it. I’m not sure how i got introduced to teas. My first memory of tea is when Areya put me on to chamomile. i loved it so much i drank it before classes not realizing thats why I was sleepy. Teas led to herbs, which led into Chinese medicine. Lately I’ve been making my own blend: chamomile, rose, valerian, mugwort, and a mushroom tea thats already made. BUT TELL ME WHY, the past two nights I’ve made it, I didnt properly steep them and “didnt think it tasted too bad” and I know tonights is going to be interesting. I’ve also been taking Black seed oil! today I had 3 tablespoons, yesterday and the day before i had two. i’ve been trying to have and remember vivid ass dreams. Good news always seeks me, things work out in my favor always, I welcome all things that will elevate my life, I am kind to other, i think before i speak, I am kind to myself, i love myself, im my own best friend. everything comes to me easily with good intentions. 

[ahotassmess]

November 5, 2022 9:08 pm

So much has happened in the past few days and I’m currently in a talkative mood. Today, I got a chemical peel, did some coding, and go dinner with... should I make nicknames for the people in my life? I’d choose Angel Face or My love or something like that but for the sake of character counts we will call him Thursday.

Side bar: I wish I could fully commit to making these posts the lengths and details of Carrie B. but I’m in my mysterious girl era. but this is how i journal, all over, with details, until my hand cramps, so one day i can read as much as I want so maybe thats what i should do

Thursday and I met at Mikunis. It was so nice, I havent seen him in weeks and I was really missing him..... and now i will switch to my journal because I....

[ahotassmess]

October 28, 2022 10:28 a.m.

Yesterday I realized... a lot! I’m not that good at interviews. It’s as if i have two sides fighting. The super focused, straight answers, stern, business me. And I have this super playful, funny, unserious, talkative, side of me. I had to reinterview for a programming course yesterday, and i felt i was oversharing. I was being really hard on myself but after I thought back on it, I felt better. I don’t think the interview was “bad” and I thought it was because an interview doesn’t seem like the place to let my sag moon out, but then I ket reminding myself that I shouldn't be a robot, and I should want to get into a program that allows me to be myself. AND I GOT IT AHHHHHHHH SO EXCITING! 

I also decided to stop smoking. Which is crazy to even think about, I let myself really unravel, I have no self control when it comes to smoking. CRAZY! I picked up eating edibles in 2020, and in 2021 started eating them a lot more and occasionally vaping to vaping everyday at night, to throughout the day, and although I stopped vaping this year, I started rolling up my own and smoking alllllll day. Wake up, smoke. Before work, after work, while I study. I cant believe I’m saying this! So for now, lets see how just nights go. Smoking either makes me very talkative or very antisocial, no in between. 

A big I’ve been realizing and paying more attention to is thinking before i speak. I do it often but I would like to do it more. 

[ahotassmess]

October 25, 2022 7:22 p.m.

I lowkey forgot I’m blogging this for practice so I should probably set a time limit, I wanna say something crazy like an hour, Lol. Sometimes typing and rambling for that long feels like forever or too much. But here we are, so i’ll ramble. It’s actually 7 o’clock on the dot, im in my droptop.... you know the rest. Lets see how long I ramble for. To start: hey, I’m practicing typing for a program im starting soon. But its gets weird, how much do I share? how much do I not? because I’m an open a book to the right people, people i feel i can trust and love. not everyone gets to know me, buuuuuuut then I feel like everyone should know my life, everyone should come see this shit for what it really is, the details are crazy buuuuuut not much goes on. How does that make sense? sometimes i feel i have a double life, the bland outside mio, the virgo sun. inside is the sag moon, and the moon be showin out, i digress. My mom always talks about writing a book about her life but she doesnt want to share her hoe chapters. bitch why? id read the fuck out of it. But look at me, the same, lowkey too modest to share the good, bad, embarrassing, of my life but i hella want to. it sucks being in the middle, but here we are. I’d share all the stories of my life, because then you’d know me for me, who i really am. But shes [i’m] so great, I dont share me with... almost anyone. I wish I had a best friend who was more like me. my soulmate best friend. where the fuck is she? shes probably on some hot girl shit, in her bag, and looking for me. Universe, her and I are almost ready for each other. I’ve been working hard on being more present and in the moment. When i do it’s nice AF! being in the moment gives me such a high feeling sometimes. When i stop typing this, i’m not sure what I’m going to do. This new journey can be confusing sometimes, i get stuck between wanting to fully be in the moment and manifesting/daydreaming. but when I daydream and snap out of it I feel guilty for not being in the moment, but I need balance. Being in the moment makes me feel so calm, nothing else can move me. I’m nicer, I think before I speak. When I’m in the moment i really feel like my life is a show and im making hella decisions for my show. 

It’s 7:21 now and I’d say the other blog took me 5-10 mins so my time today has been *drumroll*  26-31 minutes, okay bad bitch, setting a goal and sticking to it! we love to fucking see it! *CHEERS* 7:22 pm

[ahotassmess]

October 25, 2022 6:34 pm

This morning I got Aaliyah Starbucks while she got ready for school, I’m a great big sister. [Being a big sister is hard but thats another topic] I took her to school and when I came home, I saw the dogs get into my weed brownies. Taco has been high as fuck all day, Blue wasn’t too bad. I feel so bad for her, I thought I had them in a good place the dogs couldn’t reach. So yeah, she’s been high as fuck ALL DAY. 

I sometimes feel like I should stop smoking.

sometimes i have to ask myself if i want an audience or not

sometimes im completely in the moment, like right now, and its really nice! i feel this feeling in my chest, this yearning for more, this desire to stay here in the moment. I asked the universe for a sign on if i should move w/ Ry or not and right now i feel like i should stay at home. 

I don’t like Tacobell [the food place], but i love Tacobell [my dog]

[ahotassmess]

October 24, 2022 4:44 p.m.

Ew, this is weird. I have to practice typing for this coding program I’m starting. My typing was once great, immaculate even! This was back when I had a Myspace, lol. My typing is all over the place now. I like using just my middle fingers, pointer fingers, and  [one second, i have to type to see what fingers i use] ring fingers. I should really learn to use all my fingers, my nails make it hard. I have pretty ass, long ass, healthy ass, nails! right now they’re this emerald green color! I usually always get pink, my nail lady was shocked! To others, this might be a subtle change, but i love what i love, and pink nails are my shit. 

I’m learning to code because of many reasons, but deciding to not go to dental school was hard af. A big blow to my ego, because Dr. Mio sounds good af. But what really is so great about being a doctor? what is so great about coding? working in general? exactly. I just want a job where I can work from home if I want, in a team if I want, make enough money to support the life I want, freedom. My own practice wont give me that. 

I think my typing is pretty decent, when im freely typing what I want, but i just did a typing test and only got 49 wpm, sooooo wtf lol. 

Tonight there’s a new moon eclipse in scorpio and i hate to get all “tarot card witchy tiktoker” but i would really like to know what the fuck that means. I’m actually about to smudge my house!